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AITA for looking for full time work

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By *urvySub87 OP   Woman
over a year ago

Near Wellingborough

I had my child through IVF which I self funded as a single woman. I've been lucky enough to have 13 months off through maternity leave and holiday. I'm due back to work next week, 24 hours over 3 days with friends looking after my son.

I hate my job, I've been there for the best part of 2 decades and I'm not looking forward to going back. So, for the past few months, I've been looking for a new, full time job. I actually got offered a job last week but because they couldn't give me my rota until half way through the 2 week training, I couldn't organise childcare so turned it down.

I have an interview next week for a different job, 9-5 Mon to Fri.

Another thing to mention is I'm privately letting my house, I would like to get on the property ladder as I'm worried about being made homeless especially as my landlord will only give me a 6 month contract. I don't want to move to a hostel and I don't really want to be moved out of town which the council will do.

Anyway, back to the job prospect. Both my mum and my sons godmother have told me that I shouldn't get a full time job as I'm going to miss out on my child's life (even though my mum wants me to buy a house and is even helping to raise a deposit).

I've explained to both why I want a full time job but they say that I can afford to work part time. My argument is, I bet they never said this to their husbands when they went back to work after a few weeks after their kids were born. My dad missed out on loads when I was growing up but knew he had to provide for us kids and him and I have a great relationship. So, AITA?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Are you am arsehole for wanting to work full time and someone else do childcare, is that what you're asking?

No, I don't think so, unless you're asking friends and family to do childcare for free...then potentially yes.

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By *ellinever70Woman
over a year ago

Ayrshire

You can only do what's right for you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The bit about privately letting your house, is it yours because you mention a landlord...? Do you own a house that you rent out then also rent a separate place?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Christ, do what is best for you and everyone else can bum it

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By *apnDomMan
over a year ago

London | Belfast

Dunno but anyone who can live with a child from a part time job doesn't seem to be short on cash.

Either way, it might be the private subletting of your house and live of the illegal income that may make you the asshole.

Also I do support your mum saying that you should rather spend more time with your children than work that much, if you can affordi t.

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By *andyfloss2000Woman
over a year ago

ashford

How about a job working from home? X

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By *urvySub87 OP   Woman
over a year ago

Near Wellingborough

I don't own a house, I rent. I want to earn enough to buy a house in the next 4 years.

The extra 2 days of childcare will be covered by either a nursery or registered childminder.

My friends don't/won't accept money from me for having my child so I usually try to pay for their monthly shopping when I can and if they let me (or if they say they need or would like something I buy it for them as gifts from my son so they can't reimburse me)

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By *urvySub87 OP   Woman
over a year ago

Near Wellingborough


"How about a job working from home? X"

I've applied for hybrid work as well but I've found a lot of companies are stopping doing it now

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 21/07/23 11:40:36]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Me and my ex both worked full-time so our daughter was in nursery from about 10-11 months old until school age.

(Mr)

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

No you do you. A happy mother helps make happy kids.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I worked in a predominantly female environment. I'd say 99% of them who had babies came back full time. There are a lot of ways to be a good parent and very few people spend all day giving their kids undivided attention.

What exactly are these people worried you're going to miss out on? Will they have the same concerns once your child starts school?

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By *estarossa.Woman
over a year ago

Flagrante

Every situation is different. I chose to spend the time with my daughter. (I went back to work when she was 4 months old and it was a disaster for us, so it was My choice to give it up)

If you want to work, work. As long as they are happy and well cared for, thats all that matters.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

If this was during WW2 you'd be told it was your duty to work and at the end of the war that it was your duty to give that work to a man Women will always be guilt tripped and conflicted when it comes to this

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

I worked full time after just over a year off. The majority of my friends have done the same.

This notion that women didn't work after childbirth for fear of missing out, is some major looking back in history with rose tinted glasses. I grew up on a farm and I've seen mothers with babies out in feilds working. It wasn't that long ago kids not adults were working in the pits. My grandad who was the youngest of 11 siblings was chiefly raised by his sister who was one of the eldest. And this was a common occurrence. I think there's this weird romanticism of motherhood which serves nothing but to make them feel bad.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"I worked full time after just over a year off. The majority of my friends have done the same.

This notion that women didn't work after childbirth for fear of missing out, is some major looking back in history with rose tinted glasses. I grew up on a farm and I've seen mothers with babies out in feilds working. It wasn't that long ago kids not adults were working in the pits. My grandad who was the youngest of 11 siblings was chiefly raised by his sister who was one of the eldest. And this was a common occurrence. I think there's this weird romanticism of motherhood which serves nothing but to make them feel bad. "

Couldn't agree more. One of my uncles is very close in age to me. He was raised by his oldest sister and my mum for the most part. I had a lot of involvement with my youngest brother's upbringing too.

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By *urvySub87 OP   Woman
over a year ago

Near Wellingborough

Thank you everyone for your insight. I trust my friends and I would of course look into a great childminder. Being in a nursery setting would socialise him with other children too which is surely only a good thing

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