FabSwingers.com forum: Closure

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Last year a couple of friends/wiv bens I’d know for years suddenly cut contact with me. No explanation.

Behind the sass I’m actually quite an emotional and at times sensitive person and I didn’t find this easy to move on from.

So.. how important is closure to you? Can you let things go without it?

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By *oodsman1000Man
over a year ago

Hereford

It's their loss.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Think it's important to most, something like that leaves a raggy thread. You dont know why so you go over it in your head trying to think what has happened. Fact is, it may have nothing to do with you personally, maybe they are going through stuff and have closed down?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 17/07/23 15:51:28]

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By *ent in BlackMan
over a year ago

Silsden

I just crack on, people are strange and will do as they please.

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

Yes mostly. FWBs come to an end sometimes. No particular reason so I'm not sure what closure you are looking for.

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

"Last year a couple of friends/wiv bens I’d know for years suddenly cut contact with me. No explanation.

Behind the sass I’m actually quite an emotional and at times sensitive person and I didn’t find this easy to move on from.

So.. how important is closure to you? Can you let things go without it? "

I've had this happen recently and it's shit, I do wonder why, what I did and I'll overthink it all, I'd much prefer to know than just be cut off.

Hope your ok op.

Mrs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've had this. It hurts like hell when it's someone you thought actually gave a dam.

Not being able to contact them, not even knowing if they're ok. That hurts more than them not wanting anything to do with me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We don’t always get closure so accepting what is can sometimes work.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

While on here previously, I had a similar issue.

I met a woman on here and became very close to her. We met several times over a period of time and had a ball. Not every meet was sexual but those that were lasted all day and were mind blowing.

Then, out of the blue a meet was cancelled and I was ghosted. The especially hurtful thing about this was we discussed ghosting very early on and how we both found it abhorrent. I even offered her support when one of her other fwb did the same to her. I challenged her, and eventually got a response which was a contradiction and a pack of lies. So the why will never be known… to me.

What did I do? I forgave her, and said so in an email I sent, but have no idea if it was read. The forgiveness though was for my benefit, not hers. Don’t waste your mental and emotional energy on hate, resentment or regret.

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By *arkandlovelyWoman
over a year ago

South Derbyshire

I found closure after I realised that I'd never get closure.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

When I say fwb emphasis on friends. Real ones I’d known for years. Not hook ups. Just with sone additions.

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By *ezebel100Woman
over a year ago

Birmingham

It's horrible sorry you're going through this.

Someone has recently cut off contact with me and I've no idea why. I'm trying not to overthink it.

It's more than likely something to do with them and not you though.

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By *ose-tinted GlassesMan
over a year ago

Glasgow / London

"Not being able to contact them, not even knowing if they're ok. That hurts more than them not wanting anything to do with me. "

Yeah, that.

There’s a cowardice to it. Cutting off instead of standing up and saying ‘I’m ending this’. And when it’s someone you respected, maybe even idolised a bit … that’s just fucking disappointing.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Anyway I was asking about how others deal with it. Not to dwell on my own need for closure.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Last year a couple of friends/wiv bens I’d know for years suddenly cut contact with me. No explanation.

Behind the sass I’m actually quite an emotional and at times sensitive person and I didn’t find this easy to move on from.

So.. how important is closure to you? Can you let things go without it? "

My ongoing situation needs closure. Except neither of us seem capable of it beyond a few days or a week. It’s the hope that continues to kill.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

There's only one friendship I've had that's ended without me knowing why. I do sometimes wonder about her reasons but not often.

I think if a very close friend suddenly cut contact I'd want to know why and it would upset me if I couldn't find out.

So yes, closure is probably important to me

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By *ust RachelTV/TS
over a year ago

Horsham

"Last year a couple of friends/wiv bens I’d know for years suddenly cut contact with me. No explanation.

Behind the sass I’m actually quite an emotional and at times sensitive person and I didn’t find this easy to move on from.

So.. how important is closure to you? Can you let things go without it? "

Depends who it is.

Some people I would not spare a thought for, as they were for a season.

Recently things went downhill with a mate I had known since I was a toddler, still trying to work what to do with that one.

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By *anderingArtistMan
over a year ago

an abstract world

I prefer closure.

Without it I tear my head apart wondering what I did wrong and why it was my fault (even if it wasn't).

I've got better at forgetting about things/people over time but there's still some overthinking in the background. This has made me colder in general though so I'm probably not dealing with it in the correct way even though I'm forgetting about it.

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By *EAT..85Woman
over a year ago

Nottingham

Closure is important if you can get it. If you aren't given it, it's worth finding a method for your own version as close to closure as possible. Dwelling isn't healthy and there always being 'that thought/question' that pops up when you're d*unk or low isn't healthy either.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I prefer closure.

Without it I tear my head apart wondering what I did wrong and why it was my fault (even if it wasn't).

You can have one of my meatballs

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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Travelling

Had this a few years ago. A group of "Friends" cut contact with me. Gradual at first but then it went sudden and just silence.

At the time it destroyed me pretty much. With the exception of family I was alone.

Ive had others do it since too, but they were less impactful on my life.

Maybe I'm the issue, since it keeps happening. I still don't know why any really did it. Closure would have been nice but I just bullforced my way through that once I got my shit and mind together to put them behind me.

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By *aGaGagging for itCouple
over a year ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

I deal with stuff like this by thinking 'if that's the way they are going to treat me, I'm better off without them'.

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By *ucka39Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

Time is precious to worry about the IFS and buts what you can't change forget it theirs a whole lot of people out there waiting for you....

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By *hroatQueen_CATV/TS
over a year ago

Carlisle

They obviously ain't true friends! Especially if they just cut you off with no explanation. It's not nice what they done! But do try to remember your own worth and it's their loss. Sometimes we are wrong about people and they turn out to be fake! You've had a lucky escape and in time you'll move on. Hugs xo

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By *oggoneMan
over a year ago

Derry

"Anyway I was asking about how others deal with it. Not to dwell on my own need for closure. "

You're hurt. You just got to work through that. Nobody will hurt you like the people closest to you, the ones that matter.

If I knew myself, I'd have done it. Here's what I can say to you. Keep your dignity and know your own self worth. This is on them not you.

I went through something similar and honestly 2 years later I still don't know why but I have come to accept it. Keep busy, give yourself a project, a target or a goal. It's going to hurt, but it will pass.

For what it's worth I think its a horrible shitty thing to do to anyone

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

This has been very helpful and appreciated, thank you so much everyone

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By *hekaiserMan
over a year ago

Glasgow

Depends on the context, fiancee from 15 years ago dumped me via text. No reason given, just disappeared......to this blasted day I still think of her and with fond memories.

Yet, friend with benefit disappeared for 2 odd years and reappeared once her boyfriend broke up with her.

I won't ever go back to either but would talk to the fiancee....only because I'm fucked in the head.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Last year a couple of friends/wiv bens I’d know for years suddenly cut contact with me. No explanation.

Behind the sass I’m actually quite an emotional and at times sensitive person and I didn’t find this easy to move on from.

So.. how important is closure to you? Can you let things go without it? "

I spent 2 years looking for closure from somebody. The truth is I needed it and finally got it but that said they’d moved on so all the worrying and fear I had that they had actually been killed or looking at myself for anything I had done was wasted energy and stopped me moving on, as they clearly didn’t feel the same

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm sorry, Glowupdoll. It's an unpleasant thing to experience. A FWB I'd known for years disappeared a few months ago. I've been alternately angry and hurt. I still am. I trusted him, we shared a lot with each other over the years. All I can do is not allow myself to dwell on it. And challenge any "what did I do wrong" thoughts. Because I'm very imperfect, BUT I didn't do anything wrong.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So.. how important is closure to you? Can you let things go without it? "

Some times you have to, if you like it or not.

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By *ndycoinsMan
over a year ago

Whaley Bridge,Nr Buxton,

You've just got to be selfish,put yourself first,save yourself the soul searching "what did I do"?,move on,stuff 'em if they haven't got the courtesy to give you a reason

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By *hrista BellendWoman
over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

Needing closure only hurts me, so no I don't need it anymore. Took me a while to work that one out though, and I went through the spirals of pain, before I managed to change my mindset towards it

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By *ellinever70Woman
over a year ago

Ayrshire

I'd think of it as a them problem rather than a me problem

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By *anderingArtistMan
over a year ago

an abstract world

"I prefer closure.

Without it I tear my head apart wondering what I did wrong and why it was my fault (even if it wasn't).

You can have one of my meatballs

Aren't you cute

I knew there was a veritable sweetie pie beneath the tough exterior

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By *ackDMissMorganCouple
over a year ago

Halifax

I think closure can be important for us to move on sometimes yes.

It can just stop you thinking things are your fault in some way.

I'd only really cut someone off with no explanation if they'd done something I couldn't forgive them for,as it's quite harsh.

Miss

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

It's much harder to find closure without both sides working on it, but it is possible.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Last year a couple of friends/wiv bens I’d know for years suddenly cut contact with me. No explanation.

Behind the sass I’m actually quite an emotional and at times sensitive person and I didn’t find this easy to move on from.

So.. how important is closure to you? Can you let things go without it? "

It's difficult. Make something up, a reason why it ended.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Last year a couple of friends/wiv bens I’d know for years suddenly cut contact with me. No explanation.

Behind the sass I’m actually quite an emotional and at times sensitive person and I didn’t find this easy to move on from.

So.. how important is closure to you? Can you let things go without it? "

It's polite or courteous to inform someone when things have run their course but sometimes its just easier to cut the ties and let that be that.

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By *rsMistyPeaksWoman
over a year ago

Essex

In true heartless Misty fashion.

Closure would be nice in an ideal world…. But if not I just think

“They’re a cnut- chuck it in the fuck-it bucket & move on”

I lose no sleep over such things.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

I like to work out what I need, in order to get closure. It has included grieving for someone and isn't necessarily fast, nor having a predictable end point (even though we prefer certainty and predictability). What can be fast is the starting off and getting the clarity of what I need.

I've done memorable, significant things, to signify the turning point.

What's great, is having them clearly in your past. As with most things moving away from us, they get to become dimmer and more ineffectual aspects of our earlier life

. As humans we do like explanations and the understanding of things, more so when there's an emotional element of a situation. We'll often not get it but I appreciate when those things are but grey ghosts in old misty fog, when I don't have any interest or pangs of emotions left over. The people who were around I still have some positive associations to but they just have the significance in my current life, similarly to people who I walked past in the street a few days ago.

Hope you get to find closure

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By *oggoneMan
over a year ago

Derry

At some point, it has to be a gift you grant yourself.

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