FabSwingers.com forum: How do you decide?

By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

So, you've got a lot on.

How do you decide what to do? Do you prioritise certain people? If yes, who? Are you good at saying "no, sorry" to people or do you end up feeling crushing guilt?

What makes you think, yeah I want to be doing that rather than some other thing? Is it obligation, your happiness etc.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am good at prioritising people. I’m good at saying no sorry if someone asks to see me.

I always prioritise people and things that will bring me the most joy. Sometimes it’s playing football with friends. Going for a walk with a friend. Sometimes it’s seeing a partner. I’ve spread myself too thin in the past. But I’m getting better I hope.

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By *inger_the_NinjaMan
over a year ago

Frome

Family first, always. I do need to prioritise friends from time to time too. I guess it's all about needs. We've had a lot of major illness and loss in our family in the last couple of years, so we've been sticking together a lot more. But when friends need me, I'll be there. But in times of equal need, and being split, family prevail. But in all this, me time is essential - just give yourself the attention you need from time to time..

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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

I have a lot on, but as you can see, here I am replying to this. I think that tells you all you need to know!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I prioritise others above myself.

Not always a good thing

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By *ose-tinted GlassesMan
over a year ago

Glasgow / London

I prioritise my home life, then work, then everything else.

Right now, I’m prioritising sitting in a sunbeam with a nice cup of tea.

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

I think you have to or by default you end up putting important people and things last.

Be a rock & stand firm! not a blade of glass blown all ways by the wind !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am rubbish at saying no. I always feel so guilty and often end up spending time doing things I'd rather not be.

I'm trying really hard to get better at prioritising myself and my wants over other people's demands.

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

"So, you've got a lot on.

How do you decide what to do? Do you prioritise certain people? If yes, who? Are you good at saying "no, sorry" to people or do you end up feeling crushing guilt?

What makes you think, yeah I want to be doing that rather than some other thing? Is it obligation, your happiness etc."

It is so hard. Especially now my eldest daughter had moved out but still wants to come over a couple of times a week. So between work, family and meets/socials I seem to have little time left for myself which I know will soon impact me. FAB is always the first thing to go either completely or very much reduced which also isn't good for me as I miss the physical.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm terrible. I'm a people pleaser. It ends in me feeling bad when I let someone down. But I reinforce my decisions with "I can't please the world"

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By *ittlemissFlirtyCouple
over a year ago

Southampton

"I am rubbish at saying no. I always feel so guilty and often end up spending time doing things I'd rather not be.

I'm trying really hard to get better at prioritising myself and my wants over other people's demands. "

Join the club lol

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By *arco_pMan
over a year ago

Hednesford

"So, you've got a lot on.

How do you decide what to do? Do you prioritise certain people? If yes, who? Are you good at saying "no, sorry" to people or do you end up feeling crushing guilt?

What makes you think, yeah I want to be doing that rather than some other thing? Is it obligation, your happiness etc."

i just general go with flow, if people like me then all well, if not then it oh well, but as a single male its difficult in swinging world.

I find alot don't tend go for dad bods with beards and a curved cock

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There is a couple off people in my life no mater what comes up I couldn’t say no to them

Everyone else is a flip a coin on if it’s a yes or no

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I decide what to do by urgency, consequences of not doing/doing, possible enjoyment. I prioritise in this order, husband, children, father, friends, strangers but I also consider myself in there somewhere.

I don't feel crushing guilt but occasionally I feel a tiny bit if I've refused someone something.

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By *enrietteandSamCouple
over a year ago

Staffordshire

You’re not coming to my party on the hill anymore are you?

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

I weigh up, cogitate, check my health status and then decide who gets to spend time with me.

I see my family a lot, so, unless it's a special occasion, I'll meet a friend who I haven't seen a while before making plans with family.

Men take more of my physical and emotional energy, meaning I have to take that into consideration.

I don't want to arrange anything with a man if I can't put effort in.

I can visit my family and camp on the sofa all day if I want to.

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By *ostindreamsMan
over a year ago

London

It's usually a combination of prioritising certain people and a first come first serve basis.

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"I am good at prioritising people. I’m good at saying no sorry if someone asks to see me.

Yeah, spreading yourself too thin isn't ideal is it? You end up not really enjoying anything properly because you're tired from trying to cram it all in. You can't relax and go with it. Putting joy first is important.

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"Family first, always. I do need to prioritise friends from time to time too. I guess it's all about needs. We've had a lot of major illness and loss in our family in the last couple of years, so we've been sticking together a lot more. But when friends need me, I'll be there. But in times of equal need, and being split, family prevail. But in all this, me time is essential - just give yourself the attention you need from time to time.."

Ach, sorry to read about the illnesses and losses in your family, that must have been difficult.

I'm a lot closer to my family now as a result of similar. Even managed to see my sister recently and it was... lovely. Free of competitiveness. I'd really missed her and I'm hopeful for our relationship going forward.

Me time is such an essential thing. I'm going to block out me days so I don't end up a cranky *****.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There are things that bring me joy, sports, yoga and chilling out with my cat.

People can be exhausting with all the talking about nothing really of any consequence.

So, I prioritise people who accept me as I am and don't always require me to be as talkative and can just appreciate the slower pace.

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

I wake up, think about all the shit I’ve got to do that day, if I can fit you in then I will, if not text me in the morning, could be your lucky day.

The mr

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

If someone is offering a nice day out, or food, I'm there.

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By *ellinever70Woman
over a year ago

Ayrshire

I'm rarely that much in demand to have competing priorities

But I have no issue saying no to things I don't want to do or people I don't want to see

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By *andyfloss2000Woman
over a year ago

ashford

I'm fairly good family first then friends then anybody else x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Do wat u can, dont wat u cant

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By *umalotagainMan
over a year ago

a town called malice

"So, you've got a lot on.

How do you decide what to do? Do you prioritise certain people? If yes, who? Are you good at saying "no, sorry" to people or do you end up feeling crushing guilt?

What makes you think, yeah I want to be doing that rather than some other thing? Is it obligation, your happiness etc."

You need to say no sometimes, we are all guilty of not wanting to say no or not wanting to “let people down” but with all thinks in life there is a balance be it work life home life, work is a classic example, keep saying yes and the world with see you as an easy touch I know people who were like this, they were working till 9pm while all their colleagues were down the pub having fun as the person concerned was doing their work

/end rant

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"I have a lot on, but as you can see, here I am replying to this. I think that tells you all you need to know! "

I feel this. It's two hours later, I've done some bits and now I'm replying to this. Go and motivate yourself.

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By *ife NinjaMan
over a year ago

Dunfermline

Kids first, everyone else afterwards

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"I am rubbish at saying no. I always feel so guilty and often end up spending time doing things I'd rather not be.

I'm trying really hard to get better at prioritising myself and my wants over other people's demands. "

I can absolutely relate to this. I need to be better at prioritising me, and stop feeling guilty for it.

At the moment I'm struggling massively because I need some me time, to deal with the rave going on inside. And I know that there are people who are hurt by me giving them less of me than I have done. Even though i have explained and I know they understand, it doesnt take away the upset. I'm trying hard to not feel guilty about it, and failing miserably.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hermit life.

But yeah, there's a (very small) handful I prioritise.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It often depends on my mood and my spoons level, and how much travel is involved.

I travel by bus and for example I did a 2 hr round trip yesterday to meet someone for coffee for an hour.

As I don't drink I prefer to meet people for food or for pub quiz rather than just watch them drink.

Fortunately my close friends know this and while they will still mention things from time to time, they are not offended if I say it's not for me or I don't have the spoons.

The better the friendship the more effort I put in

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Simple really...no matter what it is .. people ..work ..things you do etc etc .. whatever..it's yes if you mean yes...no if you mean no ...

For your own mental health & well being that's a very simple rule to follow for yourself.

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By *adMerWoman
over a year ago

Sandwich

My kids and grandkids are my first priority. Fortunately they are all reasonably independent. Friends are so few these days, but those that remain I will always make time for. Again though, they aren’t the type of people that need to see me often, quality time over quantity.

Fortunately this leaves me with time on my hands if I want. Housework etc will always be there, so it gets done eventually but can always be abandoned in favour of something more entertaining

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By *eroLondonMan
over a year ago

Mayfair

I prioritise on a shortlist of core people, but my home and I take precedence and they come a close second.

There is only so much bandwidth that I can maintain.

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