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What's in the past stays in the past...

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By *eli OP   Woman
over a year ago

.

How true is that for you?

It's very much inspired by threads today talking about relationships but it's not solely about those.

Do you find experiences make you more cynical or open to things?

Do you try and take things as you find them or are you more cautious because of previous experiences?

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

I very much believe in this, shit happens you can’t change it, but you can change what happens after. I never dwell.

I know a few people who have no future, because they live in the past.

The mr

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Our past influences us unconsciously, how can it not?

I am pretty good at leaving experiences and relationships behind and not dwelling on them but I can't say that I'm unaffected by them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’ll be back

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Our past influences us unconsciously, how can it not?

I am pretty good at leaving experiences and relationships behind and not dwelling on them but I can't say that I'm unaffected by them"

I’m thinking of that Baldwin quote again

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually

I think it would be silly to claim that experiences aren't coloured by the previous ones.

I try to identify and adapt in situations when I realise I'm letting my past determine my choices when it's not really relevant though.

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By *oggoneMan
over a year ago

Derry

No I think we're a product of our experiences, good and bad. And not just our own lived experiences. Inter generational trauma is a thing.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Our past influences us unconsciously, how can it not?

I am pretty good at leaving experiences and relationships behind and not dwelling on them but I can't say that I'm unaffected by them

I’m thinking of that Baldwin quote again "

Yep

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's happened in the past has definitely made me how I am today.

I don't see that as a bad thing though, yeah I'm more cold hearted and closed off to men. But I'm also more independent and a lot happier. I wouldn't change that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I take time to contemplate my past failures then find many more fun ways of replicating them.

On a serious note. Learn from it then let the shit stuff go.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No it’s a learning curve, I’ve made mistakes as much as my ex partners. So I’d say I’m happy to talk about things and also remember the good times too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"What's happened in the past has definitely made me how I am today.

I don't see that as a bad thing though, yeah I'm more cold hearted and closed off to men. But I'm also more independent and a lot happier. I wouldn't change that.

"

I 100% agree. If the crap didn't happen then I wouldn't be me. Sometimes i quite like me ;-p

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By *eli OP   Woman
over a year ago

.


"I very much believe in this, shit happens you can’t change it, but you can change what happens after. I never dwell.

I know a few people who have no future, because they live in the past.

The mr "

Not dwelling is the ideal in my mind. Things can change who you are, stay with you but if you're living in the past you forget what's happening around you.

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By *andyfloss2000Woman
over a year ago

ashford

A mixture of all those things I think x

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

No it's always with me.

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By *eli OP   Woman
over a year ago

.


"Our past influences us unconsciously, how can it not?

I am pretty good at leaving experiences and relationships behind and not dwelling on them but I can't say that I'm unaffected by them"

Yes it does. Even little learned behaviours that you don't really think about and then you remember why you do that.

I had that earlier today - when I was little we didn't have any money at all. I was standing in front of the pantry and thinking "fuck, why do I have so much stuff? Need to run it down" and then I realised it's because I'm actively avoiding my childhood. Well, some parts of it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I forgive (for my benefit)but i dont forget. I learned from each experience as much as I could but I dont believe they define me as in making me who I am now. Had they not happened then I'd be a better version of myself and that's not saying I'm unhappy with who I am, I just dont buy into the what doesnt kill you makes you stronger thing.

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By *lipzer KnicksaffWoman
over a year ago

Up My Own Arse Apparently

I try to learn from every experience, positive or negative.

I was working with someone last week who got my hackles up and I couldn't quite put my finger on why. Wee bit of reflection and I realised it was because they reminded me of a former boss who was one of the most disingenuous and false people I've ever had the misfortune of meeting. But I dealt with this individual better than I would have had I never encountered my boss.

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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in Co. Down

You can't change the past so I don't think there is a lot of point dwelling on things that have happened. I have seen it in my own family where past events have stopped people moving on with their lives and enjoying the life they have now. The past can make you very bitter if you let it but I don't see the point letting it ruin the future,we do only get one chance at life.

Yes I have learnt from things that have happened in the past and I know those experiences have made me the person I am now. So for that I am grateful.

I will never forget the hurt some people caused or the twisted things people did but it's over and I just move on and try not to let it influence my future. I refuse to judge others because of the actions of others in the past.But I do know the red flags for lack of a better phrase to never ignore again.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We learn from past so in essence you can't forget the past or you would make the same mistakes.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Our past influences us unconsciously, how can it not?

I am pretty good at leaving experiences and relationships behind and not dwelling on them but I can't say that I'm unaffected by them

Yes it does. Even little learned behaviours that you don't really think about and then you remember why you do that.

I had that earlier today - when I was little we didn't have any money at all. I was standing in front of the pantry and thinking "fuck, why do I have so much stuff? Need to run it down" and then I realised it's because I'm actively avoiding my childhood. Well, some parts of it."

I hear that loud and clear. It's the reason I have so many clothes and never eat just half a tomato.

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By *os19Man
over a year ago

Edmonton

There are things in my personal life and work life that I would like to leave in the past but I believe it’s important to remember them so as not to make the same mistakes as before.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would like to forget the past at times but it's made me who I am today, good or bad.

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By *oggoneMan
over a year ago

Derry

This post reminded me of this:

To regret one's own experience is to arrest one's own development. To deny one's own experience is to put a lie into the lips of one's own life. It is no less than a denial of the soul.

......The most important thing, the thing that lies before me, the thing I have to do, if the brief remainder of my days is not to be maimed, marred and incomplete, is to absorb into my nature all that has been done to me, to make it part of me, to accept it without complaint, fear or reluctance

Oscar Wilde

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By *ackformore100Man
over a year ago

Tin town


"How true is that for you?

It's very much inspired by threads today talking about relationships but it's not solely about those.

Do you find experiences make you more cynical or open to things?

Do you try and take things as you find them or are you more cautious because of previous experiences?"

All of the above really. Experiences shape us don't they? Not sure its realistic to ever truly leave a past experience in the past though.

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