FabSwingers.com forum: The Queen of reciprocal liking

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I tend to find I'm more attracted in people that are interested in me. The more intense their feeling are towards me the more I like them. However it also goes the other way too. If they start to become complacent, take me for granted or seem to lose interest then I back off.

Anyone else feel like this?

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

Yes completely

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By *ex HolesMan
over a year ago

Up North

Treat em mean keep em keen is my motto

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I tend to like people that don’t like me back

. Seems to be a bad trait of mine. Treat me mean and keep me keen.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You ladies are all fucking gorgeous goddesses and I would crawl naked over 5 miles of broken glass to lick a dog poo you spat on

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

"Treat em mean keep em keen is my motto

See that never works on me. I will head in the opposite direction.

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By *ex HolesMan
over a year ago

Up North

"You ladies are all fucking gorgeous goddesses and I would crawl naked over 5 miles of broken glass to lick a dog poo you spat on

That’s tonight’s wank sorted

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually

Hmm.

Knowing someone I want wants me tends to make me want them even more.

If someone I don't want wants me it doesn't change that I'm not interested.

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By *penbicoupleCouple
over a year ago

Northampton

I'm the same - and I'm not sure I like it.

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By *ellinever70Woman
over a year ago

Ayrshire

I like liking that happens organically

I think (hope) I'm over love bombing

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Hmm.

Knowing someone I want wants me tends to make me want them even more.

If someone I don't want wants me it doesn't change that I'm not interested."

For me attraction has to be there too. The person has to be ony radar.

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

Yep.

In a way it's like a desire feedback loop for me; the more energy someone puts in to me, the more energy I have to give back. It's rather obvious when I quite like someone. Or so I've been told.

I'm quite good at knowing/spotting when someone isn't really interested in me/or that energy is going elsewhere.

I take a mental step back then and focus on other things and find that those feelings lessen. I can't really give headspace to something that's not reciprocated. And I don't need to.

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By *EAT..85Woman
over a year ago

Nottingham

I think I've avoided those that show a serious interest in me for a few years now. I've had a talk with myself and I'm going to change things up a bit going forwards. Be less icy of heart hopefully.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Treat em mean keep em keen is my motto

See that never works on me. I will head in the opposite direction."

Yep, play hard to get and ya don't get got in my book.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I tend to like people that don’t like me back

. Seems to be a bad trait of mine. Treat me mean and keep me keen.

King of the unrequited love?

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By *ohndom2023Man
over a year ago

Hastings/Greenwich

Reciprocation is a basic part of attraction.

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By *ex HolesMan
over a year ago

Up North

"Treat em mean keep em keen is my motto

See that never works on me. I will head in the opposite direction.

Yep, play hard to get and ya don't get got in my book. "

I certainly wouldn’t put my time and energy into chasing someone in an attempt to get my dick wet. If that’s what you mean.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I tend to like people that don’t like me back

. Seems to be a bad trait of mine. Treat me mean and keep me keen.

King of the unrequited love? "

That’s me. The masochist

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I did meet a gorgeous young man on here a while back and when he looked at me I would melt. It was so intense and it would devour me as I could feel his lust/desire for me. The last meet we had it wasn't there. He never messaged again so I left it there. Was hot as hell though while it lasted.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Treat em mean keep em keen is my motto

See that never works on me. I will head in the opposite direction.

Yep, play hard to get and ya don't get got in my book. "

I’ve never understood the “treat them mean” philosophy. I totally go the other way too and will loss any interest immediately , sorry

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I did meet a gorgeous young man on here a while back and when he looked at me I would melt. It was so intense and it would devour me as I could feel his lust/desire for me. The last meet we had it wasn't there. He never messaged again so I left it there. Was hot as hell though while it lasted. "

Ooooft. Tell us more tell us more.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm more the opposite, guys that seem to like me too much I run away from.

The aloof ones I'm all

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By *ansoffateMan
over a year ago

Sagittarius A

Yes I am highly reciprosexual and I get vicarious arousal from partners.

It can be really fucking hot when intimacy is there and it works the same way for them.

Hard for me to settle for less now sexually.

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By *estarossa.Woman
over a year ago

Flagrante

"You ladies are all fucking gorgeous goddesses and I would crawl naked over 5 miles of broken glass to lick a dog poo you spat on

That’s tonight’s wank sorted

Wanker!

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

I don't waste time with people who aren't interested in me, and I'm not interested in many men who are interested in me.

I think I put more effort into people who make time for me abd and seem to be actually into me, not just the sex part of it.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Treat em mean keep em keen is my motto

See that never works on me. I will head in the opposite direction.

Yep, play hard to get and ya don't get got in my book.

I’ve never understood the “treat them mean” philosophy. I totally go the other way too and will loss any interest immediately , sorry "

I read a quote once that said "never prioritise anyone that treats you as an option"

That kind of serves as my fab mantra

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I don't waste time with people who aren't interested in me, and I'm not interested in many men who are interested in me.

I think I put more effort into people who make time for me abd and seem to be actually into me, not just the sex part of it."

So focusing on the friends part rather than just the "benefits"

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By *estarossa.Woman
over a year ago

Flagrante

If I like them, its before I get to really know them.

Time tends to solve that.

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By *ohndom2023Man
over a year ago

Hastings/Greenwich

I have never understood how you can be mean to someone you like.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Yes I am highly reciprosexual and I get vicarious arousal from partners.

It can be really fucking hot when intimacy is there and it works the same way for them.

Hard for me to settle for less now sexually."

Do you find that that level of intensity has a shelf life?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I'm the same - and I'm not sure I like it."

Sometimes it does have q mind of its own. I have dated people that I really shouldn't have as a consequence of these feelings.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just to clarify, it isn't the whole treat em mean thing.

I just find comments, especially on here, so disingenuous. They say the same things to about 20 other women, and that's just publicly.

So the more they seem to like me, the more I'm just eurghh.

I'm more likely to be drawn to the moody guy sat in the corner ignoring me.

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

"I read a quote once that said "never prioritise anyone that treats you as an option"

That kind of serves as my fab mantra"

That's a good mantra to have! It's only lately that I've really understood it. I'd always thought it was one of those cute meaningless Tumblr quotes along with Live, Laugh, Fuck.

I'm having a fantastic time thanks to it and have lovely adventures to look forward to - it's also freed up so much emotional bandwidth.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Yep.

In a way it's like a desire feedback loop for me; the more energy someone puts in to me, the more energy I have to give back. It's rather obvious when I quite like someone. Or so I've been told.

I'm quite good at knowing/spotting when someone isn't really interested in me/or that energy is going elsewhere.

I take a mental step back then and focus on other things and find that those feelings lessen. I can't really give headspace to something that's not reciprocated. And I don't need to."

Making perfect sense of it all, as always x

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By *ansoffateMan
over a year ago

Sagittarius A

"Yes I am highly reciprosexual and I get vicarious arousal from partners.

It can be really fucking hot when intimacy is there and it works the same way for them.

Hard for me to settle for less now sexually.

Do you find that that level of intensity has a shelf life? "

Honestly, yes and no. Depends on the quality of the relationship. If you love spending time together that builds the intimacy that feeds the sex. Someone used the term feedback loop. I get that intensely, it can extend out of the bedroom too. And if your partner is an exhibitionist it often does.

Joking aside it is a dilemma of sorts for me. It's hard to find. And you are probably right in most cases it will have a shelf-life. Nothing is forever anyway.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

100% same

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

Is it a two way process?

Do they lose interest because they are tired of having to maintain the level of intensity?

How much effort do you put into retaining their interest?

It's not a criticism but more often than not I've seen platonic friendships fizzle out because of different expectations so obviously any relationship that involves sexual intensity will also flatline if it's all take and no give.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Is it a two way process?

Do they lose interest because they are tired of having to maintain the level of intensity?

How much effort do you put into retaining their interest?

There is a part of me that did enjoy "the early bit" of a relationship when all you can think about is that other person. I no longer seek out long term relationships so it's nice getting those quick bursts of intensity. I'm 100% single and have nothing to hide in my everyday life. However a lot of guys on here are not in the same position. I have a "I won't message you" policy so I don't pop up unexpectedly in people's lives. If they want me they can message me. Some people confuse this with thinking I'm playing hard to get or wanting to be chased.

That's not the case.

Slight ramble there, sorry.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I quickly lose interest in people who have no interest in me. I'm not more interested just because they like me though.

A friend of mine (consciously or not I don't know) is only ever interested in women he knows won't want him. I've known him over 15 years and watched him pine over many unattainable women and lose interest the minute they show any sign of reciprocating his feelings

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

"I don't waste time with people who aren't interested in me, and I'm not interested in many men who are interested in me.

I think I put more effort into people who make time for me abd and seem to be actually into me, not just the sex part of it.

So focusing on the friends part rather than just the "benefits"

It's rare I find anyone who wants anything other than the benefits. It's why I can't be bothered with them, unless I want sex and they'll do.

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By *ohndom2023Man
over a year ago

Hastings/Greenwich

I find sex has no real intimacy without a real connection.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Happens all the time

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I find sex has no real intimacy without a real connection.

I get that some people feel that. I'm very visually stimulated do I can be quickly infatuated by beautiful things that are often disposable or single use.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I tend to find I'm more attracted in people that are interested in me. The more intense their feeling are towards me the more I like them. However it also goes the other way too. If they start to become complacent, take me for granted or seem to lose interest then I back off.

Anyone else feel like this? "

Can't say I do to be honest, if I like someone I like them. If they do or don't like me it makes no difference. It's more fun if they do.

If someone becomes complacent or takes me for granted ...twice I've wanted to turn that around, once I tried so hard but still failed. So no I don't always back off.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If I’m not attracted to someone it doesn’t matter how into me they are my feelings aren’t going to change.

I loose interest in people that aren’t giving me the same energy that I give them. If I feel like they’ve changed how they are with me then I’m done. I’m not here to chase people and make them like me.

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By *ose-tinted GlassesMan
over a year ago

Glasgow / London

Y’know, I think I’m into reciprocity at some sort of fundamental level. Like, it’s hardwired into my DNA.

I tend to not even fancy someone unless I get that subconscious vibe that they might also be into me.

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