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"I don't want a serious relationship because I don't have the physical, mental or emotional energy to maintain one. I'm also very unfit and have health issues that would put anyone off of committing. I don't want to give up my long term sex buddy just yet. Lastly, I don't want to clean up after another person. " And, I like having my bed to myself. | |||
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"I recently explained to someone that I'm far happier in a multiple Fwb settings as opposed to a relationship. And they asked me....should you be? That hit me, I think I could have deleted fab in an instant when it was asked. Now it plays on my mind. So for those that don't want a relationship and are happier in other settings ......Should YOU be?" As a friend of mine once said, 'Embrace the AND'. Polyamory is a thing. Just because you have regular FWBs does not make those relationships invalid, or the friendships less real. You do you | |||
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"I used to think I wanted happy ever after and in my mind I thought that meant with someone. I've realised that happy ever after starts and ends with me. I don't need someone to complete me. I'm already whole. Sure I have times when I'm lonely and I have times when I wish I didn't need to be so god damn resilient and on my own but equally I've never really had that safety blanket in any of my relationships either. And to be really honest, I don't want to be so vulnerable that my heart gets broken again. For now I'm focusing on me, my wants, my needs and I'm enjoying myself for the first time in years. I'm working on the most important relationship I will ever have which is the one with myself. I'm not closed off to love. Far from it. I'm still a hopeless romantic who wants that so much. Thankfully I know it comes in different forms. Maybe it will take me by surprise by one day. Who knows. " Absolutely this!! | |||
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"I enjoy relationships. I think they're amazing. Do I ever want to move in with someone? Get married? Have kids? Fuck no. But that doesn't mean I can't have meaningful relationships along the way." Exactly, best of both worlds. | |||
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"My partner died... It almost killed me too... I couldn't do that to someone... So single forever, for me, whether I am happy or not, thanks. That's the main reason, anyway " | |||
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"So you said what makes you happy, and someone questioned whether you're allowed to be happy with something that makes you happy, and now you're worried that you're doing being happy "wrong" and wondering whether you should be happy with something that makes you unhappy? Have I got that right?" Scratches head!! | |||
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"It’s not that I don’t want one it’s just isn’t fair on that person to be honest plus the fact my outlook has changed a lot 1st point is my hart belongs to someone else and that’s not fair on a person to get in to a relationship knowing that I can’t give them my hart 2nd I got hurt really bad my hart is broken in a million bits and I really don’t think it could take getting broken again it’s just easier being single than risking my hart being completely broken 3rd I am broke beyond repair it isn’t fair on someone to need to mend me and put me back together 4th my outlook on relationships has changed Drastically over the years I no longer seek a closed off relationship has to be open both ways by that I mean can play with men and woman It’s just much easier for me to have fwb fb or one offs than subject someone to the damage that’s been done to me Up in till maybe 5 years ago I would try dateing And I would sit there and know my hart wasn’t there So I would do or say something stupid so it would turn them off me that way they didn’t feel bad that it was them or anything they could continue on dateing And put it down to me not being for them but in reality it was the other way around I just can’t do that to anybody Knowing that I don’t truely love them and that my hart belongs to someone else " Absolutely ?? me too | |||
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"So you said what makes you happy, and someone questioned whether you're allowed to be happy with something that makes you happy, and now you're worried that you're doing being happy "wrong" and wondering whether you should be happy with something that makes you unhappy? Have I got that right?" Yes you have pretty much. For context I had described my previous relationships and they aren't good. And they have put me off another. | |||
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"Why don't you want one? And do you think that's forever? Or that given time you might change your mind? I recently explained to someone that I'm far happier in a multiple Fwb settings as opposed to a relationship. And they asked me....should you be? That hit me, I think I could have deleted fab in an instant when it was asked. Now it plays on my mind. So for those that don't want a relationship and are happier in other settings ......Should YOU be?" you are happy where you are because at the present moment in time that is the best option for you(me) but if the right person can along that ticked all the boxes and when you thought of them you get that inner special feeling then you would happily change,,, (i am still waiting ) so just making the best of how things are to keep me going,,, and thats all any of us can do,, xx | |||
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"Why don't you want one? And do you think that's forever? Or that given time you might change your mind? I recently explained to someone that I'm far happier in a multiple Fwb settings as opposed to a relationship. And they asked me....should you be? That hit me, I think I could have deleted fab in an instant when it was asked. Now it plays on my mind. So for those that don't want a relationship and are happier in other settings ......Should YOU be?" you are happy where you are because at the present moment in time that is the best option for you(me) but if the right person came along that ticked all the boxes and when you thought of them you get that inner special feeling then you would happily change,,, (i am still waiting ) so just making the best of how things are to keep me going,,, and thats all any of us can do,, xx | |||
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"Why don't you want one? And do you think that's forever? Or that given time you might change your mind? I recently explained to someone that I'm far happier in a multiple Fwb settings as opposed to a relationship. And they asked me....should you be? That hit me, I think I could have deleted fab in an instant when it was asked. Now it plays on my mind. So for those that don't want a relationship and are happier in other settings ......Should YOU be?" I’m happier single. There are a myriad of reasons why I prefer and am happier with my life the way it is now… but the main one is trust… that and the fact I’m tired of giving all of myself to someone and have them toss it aside like it means nothing. | |||
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"I think I'm just convinced I'm not lovable, convinced my previous partners didn't actually love me truly and I've just given up completely on the idea. To give myself and have it discarded by another ....not again. I'm done. I accept I'm shit, as much as that hurts like fuck. I'm trying to work on myself too. And it's hard as I've just had two people discard me and it just massively reinforces that I think I'm a shit person. I don't want to be another disappointment and waste of someone else's time. But maybe I'm ok in small doses. Beside that, life circumstances mean I either make a sacrifice I just can't do. Or I put it on someone else. So regardless of the above I'm fucked anyway." I think the problem is, people are put under so much pressure to find a partner and settle down that we start calculating our self-worth from the love of other people and our ability to form and maintain a romantic relationship because that's what society expects you to do... I think you are doing the right thing by focusing on yourself because that sounds like what you need. You need to find out who you are and find what makes you happy outside of a relationship. At the end of the day, relationships aren't the be all and end all and sometimes they are more hassle than they're worth. And by the way, the happiest people I know chose to remain single... | |||
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"In my head, I'd love to have the 'one' but I know in reality it will never happen. I have major trust issues and I could never let one person into my life fully. I know I'd fuck it up and it's just not worth it for me, unfortunately my ex will forever live in my head. Plus I have plans to get a pack of huskies and a man would just ruin that. Multiple fwbs is the way forward. All the good bits without the stress and commitment. What's not to like." I had a husky. Rescued her from Gibraltar RSPCA. They were going to put her down, she was too feral to re-home they said. I said let me take her then, give her a chance. The most possessive partner I ever had . She would snarl and show her teeth to any woman who talked to me. It's a fair trade I reckon. | |||
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"I think I'm just convinced I'm not lovable, convinced my previous partners didn't actually love me truly and I've just given up completely on the idea. To give myself and have it discarded by another ....not again. I'm done. I accept I'm shit, as much as that hurts like fuck. I'm trying to work on myself too. And it's hard as I've just had two people discard me and it just massively reinforces that I think I'm a shit person. I don't want to be another disappointment and waste of someone else's time. But maybe I'm ok in small doses. Beside that, life circumstances mean I either make a sacrifice I just can't do. Or I put it on someone else. So regardless of the above I'm fucked anyway." What makes you not lovable? I’ve just ended a 25yr marriage but I still love her and she still loves me, I would now say we’re more not compatible now…..(long complicated story) just because your now not compatible doesn’t mean your not lovable or can’t be loved in the future!! Why also believe your shit? And why except it? Just because of other peoples short sightedness or lack of commitment doesn’t make you shit, maybe your better off without these type of people blocking your path to achieve happiness. Have fun, enjoy life and don’t look for love or commitment as when it happens unexpectedly it’s a lot better….. I hope you don’t feel shit for long as life is short and is there to be lived and loved | |||
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"You do what works for you and fuck what society thinks is “normal”. " I agree | |||
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"I do and I don't. It's about finding the right balance. It seems lately, people I've dated, haven't given me enough space or time to myself. Perhaps I need to communicate that I value alone time and I don't need someone to message me constantly throughout the day. " Im like this, i like my own space... i dont want to have to be considerate to someone else after a stressful day at work But i quite like the idea of a part time partner... for social activities and holidays | |||
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"I don't want a serious relationship because I don't have the physical, mental or emotional energy to maintain one. I'm also very unfit and have health issues that would put anyone off of committing. I don't want to give up my long term sex buddy just yet. Lastly, I don't want to clean up after another person. " Pretty much all of this, I don't have the energy to give to one person full time. I'm not always very well, so wouldn't want to be any kind of burden or let down. Plus I have a really short attention span, and once I've gone off someone, that's kind of it. I like variety, never met anyone who could fulfill all my needs/wants. I don't think there's any "should" about it. It's not the 1950s, not many people live that stereotype. | |||
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"I used to think I wanted happy ever after and in my mind I thought that meant with someone. I've realised that happy ever after starts and ends with me. I don't need someone to complete me. I'm already whole. " This. Absolutely this. I love love. It makes me so happy to see people in love. Even at the worst point of my last break up which was incredibly difficult I still believed in love even if I couldn't have coped with it right then. Buuuuuut if I never fall in love again I will still be great. I am still a whole and happy person at my core. If I do fall in love again then also great. I was incredibly lonely only 6 months ago but that was a feeling of not having people in my corner. Of feeling misunderstood by friends. Not because of a lack of partner. I think my love of love and my love of others being in love drives my interest in Poly and ENM actually. I am open to serious but I am not seeking it because I don't need to. | |||
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