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Am I being too cautious?

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By *ust a little bit more OP   Woman
over a year ago

kendal

So I'm chatting to a guy, who seems really awesome, chat is good, he's polite, curtious etc etc.

His profile looks good, he has glowing veri's

I've suggested meeting for a social before any play (ya know so I can make sure I'm comfortable in his company etc and vise versa)

But he has said he doesn't do socials, but we can chat on the phone, but he doesn't give his number out, so he would ring me (as this is one of the rules him and his partner have) I've checked out his partners profile too, and that all seems legit, and I know people who she has played with but nobody he has played with.

I'm still kinda new to the whole swinging scene and I get why he wouldn't want to give out his personal details like his telephone number, but can't fathom for a minute why he doesn't wanna social? Surely he wants to ensure I'm not a weirdo as much as I do him?

Am I not seeing something blatantly obvious perhaps because I'm wuite inexperienced, or do I cut my losses and say no thank you?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some people don't have socials and that's ok.

I wouldn't meet him as I always have a social first and it sounds like you are the same. It doesn't sound like a comfortable situation.

You're not compatible.

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By *aggonerMan
over a year ago

for a penny

I think there’s something odd with someone who wants to fuck but not chat.

And he wants your number to call you but won’t give his number?

Naaahhh.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you need a social to set your mind at ease (a lot of us do) and he says no to it then I wouldn't bother.

You have to be comfortable with someone 100% regardless of any verifications they may have.

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

If your rule is to have a social then rules is rules. Go with your gut instinct.

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By *aGaGagging for itCouple
over a year ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

[Removed by poster at 29/06/23 21:30:20]

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually

Some people say they don't have time for socials.

I was chatting to someone last year who was similar. I don't ever agree to meet on the promise of sex without meeting someone in person socially first to see how I feel about them in person. So we stopped talking.

I'd you haven't got time for anything more than a quickie I'm not that interested whatever else you've got going on.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I wouldn't compromise on something like social first. Sounds like you're not compatible.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So he doesn’t do socials and he won’t give you his number. But he CAN do one.

This boy needs to stop laying down ground rules.

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By *riar BelisseWoman
over a year ago

Delightful Bliss

Some just want to fuck and go, nothing more, you know what you want from him OP, look deep inside

Oh and I once had a meet arranged completely by a chaps wife, I never spoke to him, till I answered the door, completely a one off, but twas hot hot hot

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So many red flags.

Sure he’s got some experience and veris but he doesn’t do socials. Can’t be bothered to meet and chat and make sure that you’re comfortable?

Fuck him off. Inconsiderate twat.

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By *aGaGagging for itCouple
over a year ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

If you need to ask the question here, you have answered your own question and should go with your gut instinct. Gut instincts have been honed by humans over the millenia, as a means of self preservation, so go with it.

Remember also that as a single female, you are in the elite class and hold all the cards, so it shouldn't be difficult to find someone else to connect with. No playtime is worth a potentially dodgy situation.

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By *inger_SnapWoman
over a year ago

Hampshire/Dorset

It would be a no from me.

I wouldn't ever meet and go straight to bed.

It would be a very awkward situation to leave and I wouldn't feel safe.

Does he not have any respect for your boundaries? If not, I would worry even more for in the bedroom.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

He's already not respecting your wishes re the social. I'd be walking away from that one.

Your boundaries are how you feel comfortable. It's no fun if you don't.

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By *LIVEANDKICKING100Man
over a year ago

DUBLIN

As a woman on here you have the pick of the litter. Move on. Pick another puppy. His loss

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By *otSoPetiteMortWoman
over a year ago

Hertfordshire

Not at all. I will always request a social somewhere public first so I can make sure you are who you claim to be and get a feel for you before we're behind closed doors. There is nothing wrong with wanting that and I think it is part of your instinct to self-preserve.

Some people don't like it and that's OK, but they are not for me and I won't meet them.

Don't compromise your needs. Do what you have to do to feel safe and bypass anyone who doesn't respect that. x

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By *LIVEANDKICKING100Man
over a year ago

DUBLIN

Fan profile by the way and love the pic. His loss most definitely

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By *aizyWoman
over a year ago

west midlands

If you're not comfortable OP just forget about him, if he's not willing to compromise and he doesn't feel comfortable giving his number out why should you do something your not comfortable with? Plenty of other nice men on here you'll find someone.

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

Forget him, OP. Buy me a coffee and I’ll do ya after.

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By *otguy555Man
over a year ago

Bristol

Won’t meet you for a social but wants to get you naked. He sounds like a real gentleman. Move on. Plenty more people to meet on w

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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in Co. Down

Like others have said go with your gut instincts. If you feel something is off then don't ignore it. He seems to be making all the rules and ignoring what you want. Especially the social meet first which is a red flag. I understand him not giving out his number I don't either BUT I would never expect someone to have to give me their number so I could call them.

He might be a nice guy but ye could just be incompatible and the one thing I've learned on here is don't allow anyone to push you into doing something you are not comfortable with .And anyone who tries to is not worth meeting. Never ignore those doubts you get they are what keep you safe.

And just because someone is well veried or part of a couple means nothing. Everyone looks for different things. A veri at the end of the day just means they showed up that time. I wouldn't read too much into them .The worst person I met off here had glowing veris.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It is 2023, you don't give out phone numbers, you use VoIP based secure encrypted messenger apps like Session, Wire, or at a push Telegram.

We had one guy a while back who ticked "just" enough correct boxes to catch Miss' eye. Then scratching under the surface things did not add up, he wanted her number but only ever called from a private number, no text unless on skype and he set one up explicitly with only her as a contact, and when it came to actually meet he agreed then cancelled 5 minutes before when she said he was not guaranteed sex on the first meet (or ever).

Stick to your gut OP, if it feels like a red-flag listen to it.

Stay safe

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By *entleman JayMan
over a year ago

Wakefield

He sound like a great catch!

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"So I'm chatting to a guy, who seems really awesome, chat is good, he's polite, curtious etc etc.

His profile looks good, he has glowing veri's

I've suggested meeting for a social before any play (ya know so I can make sure I'm comfortable in his company etc and vise versa)

But he has said he doesn't do socials, but we can chat on the phone, but he doesn't give his number out, so he would ring me (as this is one of the rules him and his partner have) I've checked out his partners profile too, and that all seems legit, and I know people who she has played with but nobody he has played with.

I'm still kinda new to the whole swinging scene and I get why he wouldn't want to give out his personal details like his telephone number, but can't fathom for a minute why he doesn't wanna social? Surely he wants to ensure I'm not a weirdo as much as I do him?

Am I not seeing something blatantly obvious perhaps because I'm wuite inexperienced, or do I cut my losses and say no thank you? "

Never compromise on the way you do things, he's not. Even if you each tick 99% of each other's boxes but the one unticked is a non negotiable then you're not compatible. It's nobody's fault but please don't think that because you're new you're in the wrong

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By *sleWightCoupleCouple
over a year ago

Ryde

[Removed by poster at 29/06/23 22:25:50]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think it's weird he doesn't do socials with that many veris and doesn't understand by now that some people need socials.

And not having his number ....I wouldn't feel safe at all meeting him.

There's plenty more fish in the sea that would do a social.

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By *sleWightCoupleCouple
over a year ago

Ryde

My hubby and I are on here to get guys for me to play with, and we don't usually do socials. We chat through messages long enough to get a feeling about a prospective candidate. This initial stage is just to get rid of the glaringly obvious nasties, as you can chat as much as you want, but it's only when you're doing the ol' "squeeze n' squirt" that someone's true character reveals itself.

We only give out our address the morning of a meeting, as you'll be surprised how many fakers and bullshitters it sifts out - if they're genuine, they will appreciate your need for security.

We've had mostly good experiences, with only a couple of bad ones (stealthing, getting too rough through impotent frustration, etc) but my hubby "showed them off the premises" via the business-end of a piece of 2x4.

If this rambling mess says anything constructive, it's that you should chat long enough to see how things play out, don't surrender your personal details too quickly and then it's a case of trusting your instincts whilst making sure you have a way of dealing with any potential problems

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By *entlemanFoxMan
over a year ago

North East / London


"...

But he has said he doesn't do socials, but we can chat on the phone, but he doesn't give his number out, so he would ring me (as this is one of the rules him and his partner have) I've checked out his partners profile too, and that all seems legit, and I know people who she has played with but nobody he has played with.

I'm still kinda new to the whole swinging scene and I get why he wouldn't want to give out his personal details like his telephone number, but can't fathom for a minute why he doesn't wanna social? Surely he wants to ensure I'm not a weirdo as much as I do him?

Am I not seeing something blatantly obvious perhaps because I'm wuite inexperienced, or do I cut my losses and say no thank you? "

A first social only meet is a perfectly reasonable request and for a female meeting alone a basic safety check.

I think it is neither courteous nor polite not to agree to have one.

You have to obey his rules, but yours are inconsequential tells you you are really dealing with an arrogant, inconsiderate individual.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

[Removed by poster at 29/06/23 22:43:08]

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"...

But he has said he doesn't do socials, but we can chat on the phone, but he doesn't give his number out, so he would ring me (as this is one of the rules him and his partner have) I've checked out his partners profile too, and that all seems legit, and I know people who she has played with but nobody he has played with.

I'm still kinda new to the whole swinging scene and I get why he wouldn't want to give out his personal details like his telephone number, but can't fathom for a minute why he doesn't wanna social? Surely he wants to ensure I'm not a weirdo as much as I do him?

Am I not seeing something blatantly obvious perhaps because I'm wuite inexperienced, or do I cut my losses and say no thank you?

A first social only meet is a perfectly reasonable request and for a female meeting alone a basic safety check.

I think it is neither courteous nor polite not to agree to have one.

You have to obey his rules, but yours are inconsequential tells you you are really dealing with an arrogant, inconsiderate individual. "

She doesn't have to obey his rules, the choice is hers.

I don't consider anyone having rules to be arrogant or inconsiderate because the op has rules too

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

If I wanted to meet socially and he found excuses to not do so, then I would wish him well and move on.

I don't think you're a good match OP, as good as he may seem, superficially. If he'd meet you at a club, for a social without any guarantees of any sex, then that's a possible option. But my gut reaction is that he's not for you and he seems to have had zero flexibility towards what you have expressed as your needs.

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By *eroLondonMan
over a year ago

Mayfair

Your concerns are valid.

His conditions are valid.

You're not compatible (is my interpretation).

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Only ever do what you feel comfortable with. I do things my way or not at all. I'm not that desperate so no need to make myself uncomfortable.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Your concerns are valid.

His conditions are valid.

You're not compatible (is my interpretation)."

Mine too

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Your concerns are valid.

His conditions are valid.

You're not compatible (is my interpretation).

Mine too"

Yep. Me also. I don't get why this sort of thing becomes an issue. It really isn't. Just next please!!

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By *entlemanFoxMan
over a year ago

North East / London


"...

But he has said he doesn't do socials, but we can chat on the phone, but he doesn't give his number out, so he would ring me (as this is one of the rules him and his partner have) I've checked out his partners profile too, and that all seems legit, and I know people who she has played with but nobody he has played with.

I'm still kinda new to the whole swinging scene and I get why he wouldn't want to give out his personal details like his telephone number, but can't fathom for a minute why he doesn't wanna social? Surely he wants to ensure I'm not a weirdo as much as I do him?

Am I not seeing something blatantly obvious perhaps because I'm wuite inexperienced, or do I cut my losses and say no thank you?

A first social only meet is a perfectly reasonable request and for a female meeting alone a basic safety check.

I think it is neither courteous nor polite not to agree to have one.

You have to obey his rules, but yours are inconsequential tells you you are really dealing with an arrogant, inconsiderate individual.

She doesn't have to obey his rules, the choice is hers.

I don't consider anyone having rules to be arrogant or inconsiderate because the op has rules too"

Obviously, the OP, is free to choose. But the choice is do it the potential meets way or no meeting.

The arrogance isn't having rules - rules are sensible, the arrogance is that the OP is being offered a one way choice.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"...

But he has said he doesn't do socials, but we can chat on the phone, but he doesn't give his number out, so he would ring me (as this is one of the rules him and his partner have) I've checked out his partners profile too, and that all seems legit, and I know people who she has played with but nobody he has played with.

I'm still kinda new to the whole swinging scene and I get why he wouldn't want to give out his personal details like his telephone number, but can't fathom for a minute why he doesn't wanna social? Surely he wants to ensure I'm not a weirdo as much as I do him?

Am I not seeing something blatantly obvious perhaps because I'm wuite inexperienced, or do I cut my losses and say no thank you?

A first social only meet is a perfectly reasonable request and for a female meeting alone a basic safety check.

I think it is neither courteous nor polite not to agree to have one.

You have to obey his rules, but yours are inconsequential tells you you are really dealing with an arrogant, inconsiderate individual.

She doesn't have to obey his rules, the choice is hers.

I don't consider anyone having rules to be arrogant or inconsiderate because the op has rules too

Obviously, the OP, is free to choose. But the choice is do it the potential meets way or no meeting.

The arrogance isn't having rules - rules are sensible, the arrogance is that the OP is being offered a one way choice. "

But so is he. This, in my opinion, is incompatibility

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By *herryblossom_BJWoman
over a year ago

Oxfordshire/Hampshire


"If your rule is to have a social then rules is rules. Go with your gut instinct. "

Yes definitely i couldn't trust someone who won't call me or do socials

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"...

But he has said he doesn't do socials, but we can chat on the phone, but he doesn't give his number out, so he would ring me (as this is one of the rules him and his partner have) I've checked out his partners profile too, and that all seems legit, and I know people who she has played with but nobody he has played with.

I'm still kinda new to the whole swinging scene and I get why he wouldn't want to give out his personal details like his telephone number, but can't fathom for a minute why he doesn't wanna social? Surely he wants to ensure I'm not a weirdo as much as I do him?

Am I not seeing something blatantly obvious perhaps because I'm wuite inexperienced, or do I cut my losses and say no thank you?

A first social only meet is a perfectly reasonable request and for a female meeting alone a basic safety check.

I think it is neither courteous nor polite not to agree to have one.

You have to obey his rules, but yours are inconsequential tells you you are really dealing with an arrogant, inconsiderate individual.

She doesn't have to obey his rules, the choice is hers.

I don't consider anyone having rules to be arrogant or inconsiderate because the op has rules too

Obviously, the OP, is free to choose. But the choice is do it the potential meets way or no meeting.

The arrogance isn't having rules - rules are sensible, the arrogance is that the OP is being offered a one way choice. "

Well that's kinda how these things work. Neither one should have to do something they don't really want to just to get a meet. Guys I chat to have a choice. They do it my way or we don't meet. That isn't arrogance and I'm certainly not forcing anyone.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It’s your call really isn’t it?

You have your rules, he has his.

Many people are fine with a meet for sex only, and if it suits them that’s fine.

Personally, I wouldn’t compromise my requirements if it made me a little uncomfortable.

This is all meant to be fun, isn’t it? i

I wouldn’t want to feel pressurised into fucking someone unless I was happy the chemistry worked on the day.

It’s only you that can decide if you’re prepared to compromise and accept his terms.

Whatever you choose, choose wisely.

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By *entlemanFoxMan
over a year ago

North East / London


"...

But he has said he doesn't do socials, but we can chat on the phone, but he doesn't give his number out, so he would ring me (as this is one of the rules him and his partner have) I've checked out his partners profile too, and that all seems legit, and I know people who she has played with but nobody he has played with.

I'm still kinda new to the whole swinging scene and I get why he wouldn't want to give out his personal details like his telephone number, but can't fathom for a minute why he doesn't wanna social? Surely he wants to ensure I'm not a weirdo as much as I do him?

Am I not seeing something blatantly obvious perhaps because I'm wuite inexperienced, or do I cut my losses and say no thank you?

A first social only meet is a perfectly reasonable request and for a female meeting alone a basic safety check.

I think it is neither courteous nor polite not to agree to have one.

You have to obey his rules, but yours are inconsequential tells you you are really dealing with an arrogant, inconsiderate individual.

She doesn't have to obey his rules, the choice is hers.

I don't consider anyone having rules to be arrogant or inconsiderate because the op has rules too

Obviously, the OP, is free to choose. But the choice is do it the potential meets way or no meeting.

The arrogance isn't having rules - rules are sensible, the arrogance is that the OP is being offered a one way choice.

But so is he. This, in my opinion, is incompatibility "

I don't think we are disagreeing. I am more connecting this to a recent thread about safety for single women and I am just surprised at the objection to a social. Maybe arrogant is too strong.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sounds to me like he wants to keep it simple. A fuck and go kind of situation where he can maintain his privacy. And there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. If you're not comfortable with it, don't waste your time. You're not compatible.

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By *ndycoinsMan
over a year ago

Whaley Bridge,Nr Buxton,


"So many red flags.

Sure he’s got some experience and veris but he doesn’t do socials. Can’t be bothered to meet and chat and make sure that you’re comfortable?

Fuck him off. Inconsiderate twat. "

Spot on.If it doesn't feel right,it's not right for you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"...

But he has said he doesn't do socials, but we can chat on the phone, but he doesn't give his number out, so he would ring me (as this is one of the rules him and his partner have) I've checked out his partners profile too, and that all seems legit, and I know people who she has played with but nobody he has played with.

I'm still kinda new to the whole swinging scene and I get why he wouldn't want to give out his personal details like his telephone number, but can't fathom for a minute why he doesn't wanna social? Surely he wants to ensure I'm not a weirdo as much as I do him?

Am I not seeing something blatantly obvious perhaps because I'm wuite inexperienced, or do I cut my losses and say no thank you?

A first social only meet is a perfectly reasonable request and for a female meeting alone a basic safety check.

I think it is neither courteous nor polite not to agree to have one.

You have to obey his rules, but yours are inconsequential tells you you are really dealing with an arrogant, inconsiderate individual. "

He has a partner. Sounds like he is respecting her wishes/ their rules.

He's not going to change to get a fuck. That is very considerate and decent.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sounds more like he’s playing by the rules they’ve set between themselves, than it is anything else. My advice would always be go with your gut instinct and whatever you feel is best for you

Mr

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"If your rule is to have a social then rules is rules. Go with your gut instinct. "

Agreed.

He has his rules, you have yours if the 2 don’t match then walk away.

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By *TG3Man
over a year ago

Dorchester


"So I'm chatting to a guy, who seems really awesome, chat is good, he's polite, curtious etc etc.

His profile looks good, he has glowing veri's

I've suggested meeting for a social before any play (ya know so I can make sure I'm comfortable in his company etc and vise versa)

But he has said he doesn't do socials, but we can chat on the phone, but he doesn't give his number out, so he would ring me (as this is one of the rules him and his partner have) I've checked out his partners profile too, and that all seems legit, and I know people who she has played with but nobody he has played with.

I'm still kinda new to the whole swinging scene and I get why he wouldn't want to give out his personal details like his telephone number, but can't fathom for a minute why he doesn't wanna social? Surely he wants to ensure I'm not a weirdo as much as I do him?

Am I not seeing something blatantly obvious perhaps because I'm wuite inexperienced, or do I cut my losses and say no thank you? "
everything is right he has veris his wife has veris meet him in a public place first not a social just a precaution

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By *asycouple1971Couple
over a year ago

midlands

Go with your gut feeling.

Dont let other ppl push you around and if something is not right then walk away.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

People do things differently.

I don't think him not doing a social makes him inconsiderate or just after a fuck as some say. I don't, mainly because I just don't have the time.

Though also, some people do need socials, if this is a set thing for you then I'd just find someone else.

People like to throw the red flag thing around far too easily.

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By *eyeYCouple
over a year ago

Nr Leicester

For us, No! You're not being too cautious.

He's not giving you the peace of mind you require for a meet, especially as a single lady.

Suggesting some level of deceit and as you said why wouldn't he want to be sure..

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By *iltsTSgirlTV/TS
over a year ago

chichester


"Some people don't have socials and that's ok.

I wouldn't meet him as I always have a social first and it sounds like you are the same. It doesn't sound like a comfortable situation.

You're not compatible. "

This . I wouldn’t meet someone if they didn’t fit how I socially meet. There is always more people to meet so I would just politely say thanks we are incompatible and happy fabbing in the future, then move on

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By *rincipessaWoman
over a year ago

your wildest dreams,

He doesn’t do socials or give out his number? That’s the rules of his game.

You’re just playing different games

Game over I’d say

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By *rontier PsychiatristMan
over a year ago

Coventry

I think it's fair enough if he won't do socials. That's his perogative and I can understand his reasons, especially if he's willing to do a phone call to see how you vibe over the phone. However it is your perogative to do what feels comfortable and safe for you. You're not being too cautious at all. I think it's the minimum level of security most would pick before jumping under the sheets with someone. And from experience it's perfectly OK to change your mind mid social and take it futher the same meet if you feel happy with him. This has happened to me on socials I've been on in the past. So I would say unless your sold on throwing caution to the wind stick to your guns. If he is not willing to budge (however great his verifications and everything is) it's simply a mismatch and move on.

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By *issIrishCoffeeWoman
over a year ago

Bristol

I’m don’t do socials , I use too but I find them boring and uncomfortable. I would never give my number out , I would only use Snapchat cause people tend to forget that there numbers are connected to a lot off other apps like Facebook lol

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By *ust a little bit more OP   Woman
over a year ago

kendal

I completely respect that him and his partner have rules and I want to respect that as much as possible, but not at detriment to my own rules and standards, I'd obviously be willing to compromise slightly.

I'd be willing to meet in a club, but he also doesn't do clubs either.

I guess we r just not compatible and our rules and what we expect just don't match up.

Plenty more fish and all that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As many have already given their opinion on your question, there is nothing new I can add in terms of not compromising on what helps you feel safe and comfortable.

However, I would say that there isn’t something ‘wrong’ with the chap simply because he won’t meet for a social. You mentioned that he is in a relationship and perhaps it’s part of their rules to meet alone but not on a social basis.

There are women here who would meet under his conditions without necessarily giving out their number. Use a chat app where your number remains hidden.

Miles

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I completely respect that him and his partner have rules and I want to respect that as much as possible, but not at detriment to my own rules and standards, I'd obviously be willing to compromise slightly.

I'd be willing to meet in a club, but he also doesn't do clubs either.

I guess we r just not compatible and our rules and what we expect just don't match up.

Plenty more fish and all that.

"

I’d say this is the answer to your question. Neither are wrong in your boundaries and rules. They simply are mismatched.

Miles

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Is the purpose of the social to see how he looks / see if there is chemistry /check he is real?

Perhaps the middle ground is a video call?? you can do them over telegram, no need to give out anyone's number (i understand someone not wanting to give their number out)

Ultimately only you can decide if a social is essential... If it is, then perhaps you just gave to accept your needs are not matched and walk away

I didn't look at your profile, but if a social is essential first, i would perhaps add that to avoid any future misunderstandings?

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By *age500Woman
over a year ago

ashton-under-lyne

If socials are a must for you then don’t be made to feel like you’re the only one who has to compromise. You’re on here for yourself so always make sure that you’re putting your feelings and your safety first.

I personally wouldn’t meet someone who refused to do socials

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Block and move on

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By *harlie197357Man
over a year ago

Cambridge


"So I'm chatting to a guy, who seems really awesome, chat is good, he's polite, curtious etc etc.

His profile looks good, he has glowing veri's

I've suggested meeting for a social before any play (ya know so I can make sure I'm comfortable in his company etc and vise versa)

But he has said he doesn't do socials, but we can chat on the phone, but he doesn't give his number out, so he would ring me (as this is one of the rules him and his partner have) I've checked out his partners profile too, and that all seems legit, and I know people who she has played with but nobody he has played with.

I'm still kinda new to the whole swinging scene and I get why he wouldn't want to give out his personal details like his telephone number, but can't fathom for a minute why he doesn't wanna social? Surely he wants to ensure I'm not a weirdo as much as I do him?

Am I not seeing something blatantly obvious perhaps because I'm wuite inexperienced, or do I cut my losses and say no thank you? "

If he is not up for the social part he is hiding something, or was not going to meet anyway.

Does he not realise you have to be comfortable with someone before you get down to the jiggy bit. Sounds like a time waster to me. Drop him!

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By *ellinever70Woman
over a year ago

Ayrshire

Meet guys who aren't on here with their partner

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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago

Calderdale innit

I personally wouldn't compromise my rules ,ie I always have a social meet .If someone won't meet me for a quick drink I'd be wondering why & the chat would go no further.

I don't think in this day and age that it's weird to want a quick drink and chat with someone before anything else happens.

Sounds a bit strange to me.

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By *inister_SpinsterWoman
over a year ago

Manchester(ish).

My rule to others has been if they're not prepared to spend half an hour having a coffee with me. Why would i decide to have sex with them?

So if you're asking about trusting your gut, trust your gut.

There are other people out there.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Tell him to piss off... Its sex yes, but not desperation

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"People do things differently.

I don't think him not doing a social makes him inconsiderate or just after a fuck as some say. I don't, mainly because I just don't have the time.

Though also, some people do need socials, if this is a set thing for you then I'd just find someone else.

People like to throw the red flag thing around far too easily.

"

I have limited time. I've met someone for a coffee who rocked up looking a decade older than their pics. No, I didn't give out my address beforehand (just as well really), as in person they came across a bit mental

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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago

yumsville

If you're not comfortable it'll be a shit meet. IF you think he's messing you around don't go. If you want to be safe give details to a friend.

The guy seems to like privacy but it hasn't halted him or partner meeting. People still mess people around with fake socials, so I can understand reluctance along with their strained conversations.

If the f half has veris you know, and says he is her partner on her profile then their veris should act as a couple. There are thousands of people on here so you're not going to know everyone on his veris.

I've only ever met a couple of people for socials, I never understood the point of them. If you like someone, have confirmed by call and messages were good, you like them and they you. A social (with me), is just chance to put your foot in it by saying something stupid, putting them off.

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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago

yumsville

*If

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By *d4fun73Man
over a year ago

Shipley


"Tell him to piss off... Its sex yes, but not desperation "

Lol! You're right though

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"If you're not comfortable it'll be a shit meet. IF you think he's messing you around don't go. If you want to be safe give details to a friend.

The guy seems to like privacy but it hasn't halted him or partner meeting. People still mess people around with fake socials, so I can understand reluctance along with their strained conversations.

If the f half has veris you know, and says he is her partner on her profile then their veris should act as a couple. There are thousands of people on here so you're not going to know everyone on his veris.

I've only ever met a couple of people for socials, I never understood the point of them. If you like someone, have confirmed by call and messages were good, you like them and they you. A social (with me), is just chance to put your foot in it by saying something stupid, putting them off.

"

If you can't hold down a twenty minute face to face conversation at say a McDs near your house beforehand. Then I'm sorry, but I'd personally say you wouldn't be worth meeting to jump into bed with either... How grim is that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So he doesn’t do socials and he won’t give you his number. But he CAN do one.

This boy needs to stop laying down ground rules. "

No he doesn't he has his non negotiables just like everyone has

Doesn't mean there's anything wrong just that they're not compatible

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't do socials nor do I give out my phone number (too many bad experiences) but I do prefer to be chatting to someone for a little while before I decide if I'm going to meet them or not.

If they're not interested that's fine, but it's not for me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I don't do socials nor do I give out my phone number (too many bad experiences) but I do prefer to be chatting to someone for a little while before I decide if I'm going to meet them or not.

If they're not interested that's fine, but it's not for me"

So do you just invite complete unseen randomers to turn up at your home instead then?

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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago

yumsville


"If you're not comfortable it'll be a shit meet. IF you think he's messing you around don't go. If you want to be safe give details to a friend.

The guy seems to like privacy but it hasn't halted him or partner meeting. People still mess people around with fake socials, so I can understand reluctance along with their strained conversations.

If the f half has veris you know, and says he is her partner on her profile then their veris should act as a couple. There are thousands of people on here so you're not going to know everyone on his veris.

I've only ever met a couple of people for socials, I never understood the point of them. If you like someone, have confirmed by call and messages were good, you like them and they you. A social (with me), is just chance to put your foot in it by saying something stupid, putting them off.

If you can't hold down a twenty minute face to face conversation at say a McDs near your house beforehand. Then I'm sorry, but I'd personally say you wouldn't be worth meeting to jump into bed with either... How grim is that "

Does sound grim. You are thinking blokes don't get turned off by socials.

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By *eyeYCouple
over a year ago

Nr Leicester


"If you're not comfortable it'll be a shit meet. IF you think he's messing you around don't go. If you want to be safe give details to a friend.

The guy seems to like privacy but it hasn't halted him or partner meeting. People still mess people around with fake socials, so I can understand reluctance along with their strained conversations.

If the f half has veris you know, and says he is her partner on her profile then their veris should act as a couple. There are thousands of people on here so you're not going to know everyone on his veris.

I've only ever met a couple of people for socials, I never understood the point of them. If you like someone, have confirmed by call and messages were good, you like them and they you. A social (with me), is just chance to put your foot in it by saying something stupid, putting them off.

If you can't hold down a twenty minute face to face conversation at say a McDs near your house beforehand. Then I'm sorry, but I'd personally say you wouldn't be worth meeting to jump into bed with either... How grim is that "

Utterly!!

When I Mr was single and enjoying the lifestyle.

Every meet was at a local pub initially, with the hope but not the expectation!

If she didn't fancy me or he was uncomfortable with me, it would've been disappointing but respected.

(Bragging bit ) Didn't happen though Mr x

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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago

Calderdale innit


"If you're not comfortable it'll be a shit meet. IF you think he's messing you around don't go. If you want to be safe give details to a friend.

The guy seems to like privacy but it hasn't halted him or partner meeting. People still mess people around with fake socials, so I can understand reluctance along with their strained conversations.

If the f half has veris you know, and says he is her partner on her profile then their veris should act as a couple. There are thousands of people on here so you're not going to know everyone on his veris.

I've only ever met a couple of people for socials, I never understood the point of them. If you like someone, have confirmed by call and messages were good, you like them and they you. A social (with me), is just chance to put your foot in it by saying something stupid, putting them off.

"

Exactly why I like socials ,because people can pretend to be all-sorts on line .you meet them ftf & the real personally is harder to disguise .

Not just that though ,but you may find you're not all that attracted to them in real life and for me it's much better to be in a public place when I discover that,not when they turn up expecting sex.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To be honest I'm totally staggard here like! From the sounds of it some folk are cautious enough to not give out their phone number (when you can block theirs), but happy enough for someone to rock up at their front door after exchanging a bit inbox chat, and a couple of photos?

And you wonder how things go horribly wrong?!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We don’t do socials and won’t give out our number either so I can see where he is coming from but if that seems strange to you then you’re definitely incompatible.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"We don’t do socials and won’t give out our number either so I can see where he is coming from but if that seems strange to you then you’re definitely incompatible."

So how do you meet? Do you just give out your address and hope for the best? Telegram & kik don't require numbers

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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Liverpool


"We don’t do socials and won’t give out our number either so I can see where he is coming from but if that seems strange to you then you’re definitely incompatible.

So how do you meet? Do you just give out your address and hope for the best? Telegram & kik don't require numbers "

Radio frequency.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"We don’t do socials and won’t give out our number either so I can see where he is coming from but if that seems strange to you then you’re definitely incompatible.

So how do you meet? Do you just give out your address and hope for the best? Telegram & kik don't require numbers "

We don’t accommodate. We meet at a hotel, a club or their home.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"We don’t do socials and won’t give out our number either so I can see where he is coming from but if that seems strange to you then you’re definitely incompatible.

So how do you meet? Do you just give out your address and hope for the best? Telegram & kik don't require numbers

Radio frequency. "

Personally I prefer good old smoke signals, or carrier pigeon. I also like to post a face pic on my local paper... But I blot out my face as I like to remain discreet

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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Liverpool


"To be honest I'm totally staggard here like! From the sounds of it some folk are cautious enough to not give out their phone number (when you can block theirs), but happy enough for someone to rock up at their front door after exchanging a bit inbox chat, and a couple of photos?

And you wonder how things go horribly wrong?! "

One thing about giving out number, while it can be blocked. They then have your number forever. They can potentially get a new number themselves and harass again.

I have been, and know others whom have had to deal with that, fab and none fab related.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"To be honest I'm totally staggard here like! From the sounds of it some folk are cautious enough to not give out their phone number (when you can block theirs), but happy enough for someone to rock up at their front door after exchanging a bit inbox chat, and a couple of photos?

And you wonder how things go horribly wrong?!

One thing about giving out number, while it can be blocked. They then have your number forever. They can potentially get a new number themselves and harass again.

I have been, and know others whom have had to deal with that, fab and none fab related. "

It’s also linked to social media so they can find out your real name, all your family and friends and even your location.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"To be honest I'm totally staggard here like! From the sounds of it some folk are cautious enough to not give out their phone number (when you can block theirs), but happy enough for someone to rock up at their front door after exchanging a bit inbox chat, and a couple of photos?

And you wonder how things go horribly wrong?!

One thing about giving out number, while it can be blocked. They then have your number forever. They can potentially get a new number themselves and harass again.

I have been, and know others whom have had to deal with that, fab and none fab related. "

Yes, far easier to just move house after giving out your address instead I find

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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Liverpool


"To be honest I'm totally staggard here like! From the sounds of it some folk are cautious enough to not give out their phone number (when you can block theirs), but happy enough for someone to rock up at their front door after exchanging a bit inbox chat, and a couple of photos?

And you wonder how things go horribly wrong?!

One thing about giving out number, while it can be blocked. They then have your number forever. They can potentially get a new number themselves and harass again.

I have been, and know others whom have had to deal with that, fab and none fab related.

Yes, far easier to just move house after giving out your address instead I find "

That too of course!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I don't do socials nor do I give out my phone number (too many bad experiences) but I do prefer to be chatting to someone for a little while before I decide if I'm going to meet them or not.

If they're not interested that's fine, but it's not for me

So do you just invite complete unseen randomers to turn up at your home instead then? "

I don't accommodate so no I don't invite random to my home

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"To be honest I'm totally staggard here like! From the sounds of it some folk are cautious enough to not give out their phone number (when you can block theirs), but happy enough for someone to rock up at their front door after exchanging a bit inbox chat, and a couple of photos?

And you wonder how things go horribly wrong?!

One thing about giving out number, while it can be blocked. They then have your number forever. They can potentially get a new number themselves and harass again.

I have been, and know others whom have had to deal with that, fab and none fab related. "

I've had this happen from Fab

Number is also linked to social media and I've had people try to add me on fb as well

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"To be honest I'm totally staggard here like! From the sounds of it some folk are cautious enough to not give out their phone number (when you can block theirs), but happy enough for someone to rock up at their front door after exchanging a bit inbox chat, and a couple of photos?

And you wonder how things go horribly wrong?! "

You don't need to understand

You don't want to meet people who won't exchange phone numbers then don't

It's your choice as others have their choice to use the site as they wish

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By *heekyDemandCouple
over a year ago

Leicester

OP we have seen your profile, hate to put it in brutal transactional terms but you are a desirable asset. No man should be dictating terms to you about socials, phone numbers or any other nonsense. You have literally thousands of other male members, as well as a significant number of couples, that would fight each other to spend time with you. And yes, that includes us. Know your worth.

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By *heekyDemandCouple
over a year ago

Leicester


"We don’t do socials and won’t give out our number either so I can see where he is coming from but if that seems strange to you then you’re definitely incompatible.

So how do you meet? Do you just give out your address and hope for the best? Telegram & kik don't require numbers

We don’t accommodate. We meet at a hotel, a club or their home."

A club is good because it can be a defacto social. You are in an environment where you are surrounded by like-minded liberated people, if the person you arrange to meet passes the bar then sure, if they don't then both of you haven't wasted your night.

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By *eliciousDiva69Woman
over a year ago

Schitts Creek

As a single female you can’t be too cautious imho - I always have a social ahead of arranging anything else and if someone wouldn’t agree to that then they’re not gonna be for me and I’d block and move on.

Do what you feel is right OP and don’t be pushed into anything you’re not comfortable with.

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By *iss E99TV/TS
over a year ago

Near Taunton Somerset


"So I'm chatting to a guy, who seems really awesome, chat is good, he's polite, curtious etc etc.

His profile looks good, he has glowing veri's

I've suggested meeting for a social before any play (ya know so I can make sure I'm comfortable in his company etc and vise versa)

But he has said he doesn't do socials, but we can chat on the phone, but he doesn't give his number out, so he would ring me (as this is one of the rules him and his partner have) I've checked out his partners profile too, and that all seems legit, and I know people who she has played with but nobody he has played with.

I'm still kinda new to the whole swinging scene and I get why he wouldn't want to give out his personal details like his telephone number, but can't fathom for a minute why he doesn't wanna social? Surely he wants to ensure I'm not a weirdo as much as I do him?

Am I not seeing something blatantly obvious perhaps because I'm wuite inexperienced, or do I cut my losses and say no thank you? "

Follow what your instincts are telling, if you feel something isn’t right, then it’s not right.

I also wouldn’t arrange to meet him under the the circumstances you described.

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By *he Kat 666Woman
over a year ago

Salisbury

Noooo, chook. If this has been now before any contact, rhenium you have 100% done the right thing and got curious. I hope your curiosity leads you to a "nope, meet most definitely off" thought! You trust your instinct, chick. Your instinct is your best friend and right now.... it sounds like a perfect wingman x

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By *ee04Man
over a year ago

Essex

If you have set out how you want to meet folks and that includes a social stick to it.

I have only ever given my number to people I have met a few times and know I can trust.

They are my rules and I will not deviate from it. You have to stick to your guns. There are many people who will meet on your terms and nobody is worth changing them.

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By *ust a little bit more OP   Woman
over a year ago

kendal


"If you're not comfortable it'll be a shit meet. IF you think he's messing you around don't go. If you want to be safe give details to a friend.

The guy seems to like privacy but it hasn't halted him or partner meeting. People still mess people around with fake socials, so I can understand reluctance along with their strained conversations.

If the f half has veris you know, and says he is her partner on her profile then their veris should act as a couple. There are thousands of people on here so you're not going to know everyone on his veris.

I've only ever met a couple of people for socials, I never understood the point of them. If you like someone, have confirmed by call and messages were good, you like them and they you. A social (with me), is just chance to put your foot in it by saying something stupid, putting them off.

"

The only problem I had with his wife's veri's is that the guy I know who has verified her, is an absolute dick, with a capital D! He's prolific and incredibly well known for his dickish behaviour and antics, I know first hand.

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By *phialtesMan
over a year ago

Beyond the Wall


"Am I not seeing something blatantly obvious perhaps because I'm wuite inexperienced, or do I cut my losses and say no thank you? "

Remember there is no one true way to swing or have casual hookups. There is only your way, and only you know how comfortable you would be with his requests.

What some may see as red flags, others will understand and may agree with.

Ultimately it’s your responsibility to ensure you are safe, you are comfortable and you get satisfaction from it.

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