FabSwingers.com forum: Take no response as a polite no?? Emmm…

By *astshag OP Man
over a year ago

Bexhill

If I get no response from someone after taking the time to write a decent message then I think the person is just extremely rude and I’d steer clear of them at all costs. Manners cost nothing. You take the time to avoid all the cliches etc and ensuring the receiver knows I have read and understood their profile and I think we might be able to chat. It is absolutely fair enough if perhaps the recipient doesn’t feel the same. But ignoring isn’t a “polite no”, it’s just plain rude.

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By *unnyman84Man
over a year ago

maidstone

????

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By *usforfun420Man
over a year ago

sheffield

What made you decide you have the right to a reply? You think you’re the only person to send messages that get deleted? Maybe your arrogance is coming out in your messages

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By *estarossa.Woman
over a year ago

Flagrante

Tldr, no response is a response as per site rules!

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By *oco_marsWoman
over a year ago

Stockport

Maybe it's worth noting that nobody owes you a reply whether you just send "Hiya" or well thought out paragraphs.

If people had to reply to every single message, some would be there all day

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don’t see the issue In somebody replying or not, the likelihood on here is if somebody did reply back saying no etc they’d probably be hounded with some sort of abuse anyway.

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By *ickD80Man
over a year ago

Wolverhampton

Personally I prefer not getting a reply to receiving a reply saying no. I get very few replies so on the rare occasion that I do receive one I get quite excited at the prospect of actually having a conversation with someone on here so I feel further deflated every time my excitement is crushed when I see that the reply is a polite no. When there’s no reply I know that it’s a no without the soul destroying emotional rollercoaster.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Are we talking deleted or unread here?

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By *astshag OP Man
over a year ago

Bexhill

"Are we talking deleted or unread here?"

It’s the deleted. Can’t complain about the unread

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Are we talking deleted or unread here?

It’s the deleted. Can’t complain about the unread

We delete a lot of messages simply due to people not reading our profile and obviously not jacking what we are looking for... however if your profile seems to match we will at the least read it and say a polite no if needs be.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Are we talking deleted or unread here?

It’s the deleted. Can’t complain about the unread

Matching what we are looking for ****

Need an edit option!

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By *astshag OP Man
over a year ago

Bexhill

"What made you decide you have the right to a reply? You think you’re the only person to send messages that get deleted? Maybe your arrogance is coming out in your messages"

What a dumb ignorant thing to say. One of the things I personally look for is politeness. That has nothing to do with arrogance. But crack on there with your generic messages to the masses, getting deleted!

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By *ickD80Man
over a year ago

Wolverhampton

"Are we talking deleted or unread here?"

A message can be changed back to unread after it’s been read, so there’s no way of knowing whether an unread message is actually unread or if it’s been read and changed back to unread afterwards

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By *hroatQueen_CATV/TS
over a year ago

Carlisle

[Removed by poster at 28/06/23 02:15:12]

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By *astshag OP Man
over a year ago

Bexhill

"Are we talking deleted or unread here?

It’s the deleted. Can’t complain about the unread

I think this is perfectly reasonable. And there should be more like you. Like you say, it comes down to personal taste in the end but if the sender has read the profile and feels they are what you’re looking for…! Cheers for understanding where I’m coming from

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By *oco_marsWoman
over a year ago

Stockport

Also, when I rejoined I used to reply with polite no thank you messages, the amount who wouldn't accept that and saw it as "Persuade me" instead really got tiresome.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Are we talking deleted or unread here?

A message can be changed back to unread after it’s been read, so there’s no way of knowing whether an unread message is actually unread or if it’s been read and changed back to unread afterwards "

We will set someone to unread if not sure or only 1 of us has looked at the time.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Also, when I rejoined I used to reply with polite no thank you messages, the amount who wouldn't accept that and saw it as "Persuade me" instead really got tiresome. "

We have a long block list due to this lol

All hail the great block button!

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By *astshag OP Man
over a year ago

Bexhill

"Also, when I rejoined I used to reply with polite no thank you messages, the amount who wouldn't accept that and saw it as "Persuade me" instead really got tiresome. "

Sorry to hear about your negative experiences. It’s the masses of idiots on here sending harassing messages that ruin it for everyone else. Happy fabbing and I hope you find what you’re looking for x

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By *usforfun420Man
over a year ago

sheffield

I don’t have an issue with people deleting my messages though. I’m not that arrogant to think that just because so feel their profile matches and I’m what they’re looking for. I take it on the chin. I’ve not had any issues with meeting new people off here either, but then I don’t complain about spending my time writing messages out, to have them deleted.

Nobody owes you a reply, no matter how much effort you put in to your message. Rejection usually ends up with abuse being sent back.

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By *oco_marsWoman
over a year ago

Stockport

"Also, when I rejoined I used to reply with polite no thank you messages, the amount who wouldn't accept that and saw it as "Persuade me" instead really got tiresome.

We have a long block list due to this lol

All hail the great block button!"

Same here! All hail indeed!

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By *estarossa.Woman
over a year ago

Flagrante

OP, I take it you personally reply to all the window companies, pizza houses and valuation offers you get through the post?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I will say... as a couple we are outnumbered by single guys. We can get overwhelmed with messages at times, we can get a few messages a minute! Single ladies have it way worse!!

I do understand the reason for people not replying to all messages.

We reply when merited only due to putting a lot of message filters on and making it manageable.

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By *litterbabeWoman
over a year ago

hiding from cock pics.

Entitled much.....

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By *astshag OP Man
over a year ago

Bexhill

"OP, I take it you personally reply to all the window companies, pizza houses and valuation offers you get through the post?"

Nope. As that’s just junk Mail. You can filter that like you can filter the nonsense on here. But I do get that women are bombarded on here. With 95% junk mail

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By *ickD80Man
over a year ago

Wolverhampton

"Are we talking deleted or unread here?

It’s the deleted. Can’t complain about the unread

But I prefer not receiving a reply over receiving a polite no reply, so for me there should be less like them…I’m not criticising anyone for sending a polite no reply but I am saying that I’d prefer it if they didn’t. Obviously no one knows that I prefer not receiving a reply so I wouldn’t accuse someone who sent me a polite no reply of being rude just because they didn’t do exactly what I want them to. You’re assuming that everyone would prefer to receive a polite no reply so therefore not sending one is impolite but that’s not the case for everyone. Just because someone doesn’t do exactly what makes you happy it doesn’t mean they’re doing the wrong thing.

Personally I think that telling someone their opinion is dumb and ignorant and accusing them of sending generic messages without knowing whether or not they do is far from being polite.

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By *estarossa.Woman
over a year ago

Flagrante

"OP, I take it you personally reply to all the window companies, pizza houses and valuation offers you get through the post?

Nope. As that’s just junk Mail. You can filter that like you can filter the nonsense on here. But I do get that women are bombarded on here. With 95% junk mail "

You can't filter the nonsense on here though.

Without spending time reading the junk mail.

And you can't tell people how to run their profiles

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By *hrimper36Couple
over a year ago

Central France dept 36

Joined two weeks ago.

Over 400 messages.

Replied to every single one because I have time.

Out of 400+ messages there was two decent ones.

No one on here owes you a reply no matter what you think.

The rules on messaging are clear.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Joined two weeks ago.

Over 400 messages.

Replied to every single one because I have time.

Out of 400+ messages there was two decent ones.

No one on here owes you a reply no matter what you think.

The rules on messaging are clear.

Dedication! Lol

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By *eroLondonMan
over a year ago

Mayfair

OP, it really is a game of inordinate numbers and the populace of men far outweigh the women on here. Women/couples are inundated with messages and it's not easy managing a busy InBox, let alone replying to every message that lands within it.

When women message me I usually respond favourably but also disregard the unimaginative 'blag one liners'. I don't send messages of introduction; haven't done so in two years.

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By *oyahandrussCouple
over a year ago

Nr Rugby

Toyah here I actually do reply to all messages that we receive.Most haven't read our profile but I still reply and ask the to read it properly.some Single guy are just so pig headed & thick skin at which point honestly there is no getting through.So I then delete.I actually like to give everyone a fair chance.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You seem delightful. I have no idea why someone wouldn’t reply to you.

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By *litterbabeWoman
over a year ago

hiding from cock pics.

It seems perfectly fine to me op, they don't reply, how you would like them to reply, so you steer clear.

Everybody is getting the result they want.

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By *ickD80Man
over a year ago

Wolverhampton

"Toyah here I actually do reply to all messages that we receive.Most haven't read our profile but I still reply and ask the to read it properly.some Single guy are just so pig headed & thick skin at which point honestly there is no getting through.So I then delete.I actually like to give everyone a fair chance."

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By *usforfun420Man
over a year ago

sheffield

[Removed by poster at 28/06/23 02:55:51]

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By *usforfun420Man
over a year ago

sheffield

"It seems perfectly fine to me op, they don't reply, how you would like them to reply, so you steer clear.

Everybody is getting the result they want."

Everyone but the OP, he deserves a reply in his opinion

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By *astshag OP Man
over a year ago

Bexhill

"It seems perfectly fine to me op, they don't reply, how you would like them to reply, so you steer clear.

Everybody is getting the result they want.

Everyone but the OP, he deserves a reply in his opinion "

The best thing about being dead is that you don't know about it. It's like being stupid - it's only painful for others

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By *usforfun420Man
over a year ago

sheffield

"It seems perfectly fine to me op, they don't reply, how you would like them to reply, so you steer clear.

Everybody is getting the result they want.

Everyone but the OP, he deserves a reply in his opinion

The best thing about being dead is that you don't know about it. It's like being stupid - it's only painful for others"

Again, you’re just showing how delightful you are. You created a thread complaining you don’t get a reply, when you’re told you’re not entitled to one, you make assumptions and respond with insults. You’re going far on here, I can see it now

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By *oyahandrussCouple
over a year ago

Nr Rugby

Your bio states that you delete all first messages that don’t have a face picture attached….so do you mean you reply to all messages that you receive with a face picture attached or do you reply to all messages you receive regardless of whether or not there’s a face picture attached?"
I do reply even when no face picture as no one ever sends them even though it on our bio.So I give them the chance to read the bio and I always say we would please like a picture in their next message & can you actually believe it most just ignore & keep messaging.

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By *ickD80Man
over a year ago

Wolverhampton

Your bio states that you delete all first messages that don’t have a face picture attached….so do you mean you reply to all messages that you receive with a face picture attached or do you reply to all messages you receive regardless of whether or not there’s a face picture attached? I do reply even when no face picture as no one ever sends them even though it on our bio.So I give them the chance to read the bio and I always say we would please like a picture in their next message & can you actually believe it most just ignore & keep messaging.

But your profile also says that a face picture will be required after chatting and before meeting so asking for one before chatting is a bit confusing

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By *AYENCouple
over a year ago

Lincolnshire

Your bio states that you delete all first messages that don’t have a face picture attached….so do you mean you reply to all messages that you receive with a face picture attached or do you reply to all messages you receive regardless of whether or not there’s a face picture attached? I do reply even when no face picture as no one ever sends them even though it on our bio.So I give them the chance to read the bio and I always say we would please like a picture in their next message & can you actually believe it most just ignore & keep messaging.

We state the same, and I would say 99% do attach a face pic, and we really don't read messages without an attachment. It's a great filter and it means we only get around one or two messages per day - which we always try to reply to, even if it is a no thanks. K.

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By *he_13th_ghostWoman
over a year ago

Swindon

"Also, when I rejoined I used to reply with polite no thank you messages, the amount who wouldn't accept that and saw it as "Persuade me" instead really got tiresome. "

This. 100% this.

No doesn't mean no here it means 'I'll bug them till they bend'

I have on my profile I'm male with female body and the sheer amount of 'hey girl u horny for my cock lololol'

Kind of messages I get. Do you think that sort of person takes 'No' for an answer? No, it's either seen as a personal attack or a challenge.

I get so many 'straight men' not reading my full profile and when I say 'I'm not what your looking for, sorry' they either hurl abuse or go into 'you don't know that...' and go about sending me 8 messages in a row

Hey

Your hot

Wuu2?

Hey x

And this is why I'm so rampant with block.

If someone doesn't have the curtesy of reading a full profile I don't owe them nothing.

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By *TG3Man
over a year ago

Dorchester

"Maybe it's worth noting that nobody owes you a reply whether you just send "Hiya" or well thought out paragraphs.

If people had to reply to every single message, some would be there all day"
He's not saying he said "hiya" he's saying a well thought out message based on target profile and he appreciated that their is a difference in his message and the Hiya and want a shag messages, i think he has a right to feel agrieved at all the thought and time spent writing a well thought out message being polite and sending decent pics no cock and sitting back patiently and awaiting a reply, his rant is worthy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't reply unless I find you attractive or mildly funny. And no, I don't get inundated with messages so I could, and I actually get a lot of nice messages. (When people can actually message me that is)

I don't ask anyone to message me, I don't ask anyone to read my profile.

A polite no as you say, leads to them just messaging more. Been there done that.

Also, I couldn't give a flying fuck if a guy I have zero interest in who writes a decent message purely in the hope of getting sex thinks I'm rude. I can live with that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We always take the time to reply even if it is to say no thank you and the vast majority of the time we regret doing so. We usually get messages back asking why or what we want if it’s not them. Would be a lot easier if people just replied saying no problem and moved on

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

No reply is a no thank you, it's in the fab rules.

Now the amount of time I've sent a no thank you to a well written message that's lead to why? Well I can do this? Etc it's not worth the hassle.

90% of our messages are from people we aren't looking for our out of our age range.

Why is it down to me to respond to these people spamming my inbox when I haven't asked for it?

Mrs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't reply unless I find you attractive or mildly funny. And no, I don't get inundated with messages so I could, and I actually get a lot of nice messages. (When people can actually message me that is)

I don't ask anyone to message me, I don't ask anyone to read my profile.

A polite no as you say, leads to them just messaging more. Been there done that.

Also, I couldn't give a flying fuck if a guy I have zero interest in who writes a decent message purely in the hope of getting sex thinks I'm rude. I can live with that.

I do love reading your replies, always funny and to the point.

Glad you’re back

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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in Co. Down

I don't get many messages a small handful a week at most normally,as I have very tight filters which I set after being on here less than 24 hours and being inundated with messages. So that old excuse of being inundated is not why I don't reply to anyone.

There are a number of reasons why I won't reply, no interest in their profile,no interest in their message no matter how good they think it it is or the fact they think we are a perfect match is irrelevant to me,sometimes I don't even bother looking at my inbox for days, sometimes I just can't be arsed replying as I'm grumpy and tired,there are a whole array of reasons why I'll either reply or not.

In the past I tried to reply to all as I get it can be frustrating to send messages and never get an answer,but I gave that up as it just opened lines of communication that I didn't want. And now I don't really care if someone thinks I'm rude because I don't reply to someone I never want to meet anyhow.

I also have sent first messages to others on here and I never expect a reply,and I've never gotten annoyed if I don't get a reply either. In fact I delete mine once there are sent so I am not checking to see if they are read etc.If i get a reply great if not then I know they aren't interested and I wouldn't send a message again.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I guess the OP replies to the spam he gets in his regular email inbox then.

After all, they took the time to message him...

MrWho.

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually

No one is owed a reply.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Please don't reply to me

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By *oggoneMan
over a year ago

Derry

It's the price of admission I suppose. I understand your frustration but honestly there's nothing you can do about.

Put this one on the serenity to accept the things I cannot change pile.

The other thing I would advise is dropping your expectations, you got a greater chance of a meet offline than in Fab.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don’t have an issue with people deleting my messages though. I’m not that arrogant to think that just because so feel their profile matches and I’m what they’re looking for. I take it on the chin. I’ve not had any issues with meeting new people off here either, but then I don’t complain about spending my time writing messages out, to have them deleted.

Nobody owes you a reply, no matter how much effort you put in to your message. Rejection usually ends up with abuse being sent back."

Gawd bless this man!!

Absolutely spot on!

I've been on/off here for years, and long ago I stopped trying to be 'polite' and answer every message because it was hardly ever accepted!!

I either got countless pleading messages, or really horrible escalating abuse! It took awhile to use the block button liberally. And to realise the pleaders and abusers weren't worth meeting!

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By *neakypeaky30Man
over a year ago

Midlands

Once the gravity of the ratios of fab settled in my tiny mind, i took the approach of, like a profile, read a profile, write a thoughtful message tailered to that person, add a face pic, hit send, expect nothing back and go about your day

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If I get no response from someone after taking the time to write a decent message then I think the person is just extremely rude and I’d steer clear of them at all costs. Manners cost nothing. You take the time to avoid all the cliches etc and ensuring the receiver knows I have read and understood their profile and I think we might be able to chat. It is absolutely fair enough if perhaps the recipient doesn’t feel the same. But ignoring isn’t a “polite no”, it’s just plain rude.

I agree with the title of the thread. Ancc do I’ve said it for years.

I think it would be wiser of the FAQs would say

Ignored and deleted is a NO. As d leave off the ‘polite’.

A polite no would be a reply that’s polite that says no thank you, or somewhere along the lines.

Or, to help those inundated with mail, implement a more polite way to decline an invitation. A button maybe????

But promoting an ignore as polite is wrong for me, and I think that’s your point and what’s wound you up op.

Also, …

Nobody owes you anything, you are an are a stranger to who you messaged. They can ignore you if they want to, get over it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We always take the time to reply even if it is to say no thank you and the vast majority of the time we regret doing so. We usually get messages back asking why or what we want if it’s not them. Would be a lot easier if people just replied saying no problem and moved on

Mr "

Absolutely agree with this!

I find it laughable on here that single males rant about how rude and unfair they're treated, when they've done this to themselves!

10÷ years on here shows me it's not just a small minority of men who can't take an initial no for an answer!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Absolutely agree with this!

I find it laughable on here that single males rant about how rude and unfair they're treated, when they've done this to themselves!

….."

Speak for yourself. …. Or, whoever you are pointing that at.

Because years in here I read MANY in the FORUMS don’t do this.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't get many messages a small handful a week at most normally,as I have very tight filters which I set after being on here less than 24 hours and being inundated with messages. So that old excuse of being inundated is not why I don't reply to anyone.

I agree with all this. I don't think it's rude to not reply. If they're interested they will and if not they won't. I actually don't really like long messages as first messages. But if I don't reply is just that I'm not interested. I think you should take it that if they're interested they will reply and if they're not the won't. Sometimes I reply and say no thanks, but not all the time. I don't know,I think you should try not to take offence OP

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ill never understand why written rejection will make things better.

If no response bothers you, don't message

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It seems perfectly fine to me op, they don't reply, how you would like them to reply, so you steer clear.

Everybody is getting the result they want.

Everyone but the OP, he deserves a reply in his opinion

The best thing about being dead is that you don't know about it. It's like being stupid - it's only painful for others"

Well Op, I can only assume that the people you message are intelligent enough to detect the arrogant tone running through your message, and see it as a turn off!

You're not really winning any sympathy with you're attitude in here!

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By *affeine DuskMan
over a year ago

Caerphilly

"Enjoy fab and read the rules/FAQs first one and all x"

This

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By *ofiaxxx69Couple
over a year ago

Birmingham

"Also, when I rejoined I used to reply with polite no thank you messages, the amount who wouldn't accept that and saw it as "Persuade me" instead really got tiresome. "

We've had the same experiences. That or a load of abuse for saying no thanks.

So it does kind of put you off taking the time to reply.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ill never understand why written rejection will make things better.

If no response bothers you, don't message "

Boom. This.

*I wish I could wrap my responses up as wuickly as this.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Too long - didn’t read thread.

Can anyone quickly summarise for me please?

Have we agreed that no response a polite no, or not?

Thanks

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By *ools and the brainCouple
over a year ago

couple, us we him her.

Bless you OP do you need a hug?

I have access to my wife's hotwife account to make sure she's not getting any abuse and I think you would understand why if you could spend a few days reading the messages.

And even on our couple profile.

I hate to say it OP we have seen hundreds of messages from guy's like yourself who message maybe we/she isn't interested or forgets or has a life away from fab.

Let me break it down to you how it goes.

Message 1:

Decent message gets read. As above either busy or not interested..

Message 2:

Shorter and a bit stressy.

Followed by a series of messages usually ends with "your fucking time wasters"

Even though we/she haven't even replied to one message.

This is followed by a block.

You see OP when you have been on here a while you learn to read in-between the lines no matter how short the message.

I wish the site had a page where people could post messages for all to read without naming the sender or recipient.

I think you'd be shocked.

We used to reply to everyone for the first 5 years but as stated above by others, so many people just don't take rejection well these days.

It's easier and less hassle to ignore and block.

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By *BootyfulDayWoman
over a year ago

…

Is it not a bit rude to start a thread and not replying to everyone’s reply since they took the time to reply….

Even if the message you have written and believe it’s the best more personalised message that the person will have seen doesn’t mean that you are what they’re looking for. If they say no then there’s the fear you’re just going to send back abuse and who has time for that!

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By *iscean_dreamMan
over a year ago

Llanelli

Well it's been a couple of weeks since we had a I sent a thought out message and got no reply so they're rude thread

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Maybe it's worth noting that nobody owes you a reply whether you just send "Hiya" or well thought out paragraphs.

If people had to reply to every single message, some would be there all dayHe's not saying he said "hiya" he's saying a well thought out message based on target profile and he appreciated that their is a difference in his message and the Hiya and want a shag messages, i think he has a right to feel agrieved at all the thought and time spent writing a well thought out message being polite and sending decent pics no cock and sitting back patiently and awaiting a reply, his rant is worthy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A polite no thanks, usually gets a why. Then they see it as the beginning of a negotiation.

I've said no thanks and been abused.

So now, if it isn't what I'm looking for I ignore the message. No response is a response, and it isn't impolite to ignore an email from a random.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I agree, it is rude. It must feel like utter shit to be ignored when you're being a decent person. (This is not sarcasm.)

If they deleted it they may have done a bulk delete of their inbox so it's not personal. Or many reasons as stated in the thread.

People complain about being treated like a hole yet can't comprehend another person feeling the same way.

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By *assagejMan
over a year ago

Bude

I just block , if someone is clearly not interested it’s the easiest way to move on and prevent unwanted interest in the future.

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By *oggoneMan
over a year ago

Derry

"Ill never understand why written rejection will make things better.

If no response bothers you, don't message "

Because you will never be in that position. A womans profile with no bio or photos will still get the attention of men. Try to imagine if you were invisible to men, no body flirted, complimented, hit on, smiled and ignored you every time you spoke.

I don't think the frustration men expresses arises from a single non reply, it's a cumulative thing.

Don't think I'm saying that women are to blame here. There's a empathy deficit in both genders here. Men don't understand womens fab experience and women don't understand the male experience.

Try to understand it's easy for you to say 'don't message'. You can afford to do that. One guy deciding not to message you is NBD. How would you rate your fab experience if nobody ever contacted you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"…..

….

You see OP when you have been on here a while you learn to read in-between the lines no matter how short the message.

I wish the site had a page where people could post messages for all to read without naming the sender or recipient.

I think you'd be shocked.….

I wish.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ill never understand why written rejection will make things better.

If no response bothers you, don't message

I don't think the frustration men expresses arises from a single non reply, it's a cumulative thing.

Don't think I'm saying that women are to blame here. There's a empathy deficit in both genders here. Men don't understand womens fab experience and women don't understand the male experience.

Try to understand it's easy for you to say 'don't message'. You can afford to do that. One guy deciding not to message you is NBD. How would you rate your fab experience if nobody ever contacted you."

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By *weetkitten65Woman
over a year ago

Halifax

"Also, when I rejoined I used to reply with polite no thank you messages, the amount who wouldn't accept that and saw it as "Persuade me" instead really got tiresome. "

Agreed

or why? or abuse if said No..

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By *weetkitten65Woman
over a year ago

Halifax

"I just block , if someone is clearly not interested it’s the easiest way to move on and prevent unwanted interest in the future."

This

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By *weetkitten65Woman
over a year ago

Halifax

Fab rules state as it's been stated dozens of times..

No reply is a reply..

Personally I just block if not interested..

If that's rude, so be it..not losing sleep over it

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By *inda May SimmonsTV/TS
over a year ago

hexham

I understand where the OP is coming from here.

It ids fair to say ( IMHO ) that to delete a well considered message without response can hardly be regarded as “polite”

A “no reply” however is considered, and everyone tells me it is in site rules, to constitute a “no”

This is fine by me and I am happy to accept that rule ( let’s face it, if we play in the site we abide by site rules! )

But I do not accept that it is polite.

The polite thing to do is to respond to all messages, no matter who writes them or how bad or rude they are. The nature of the site and the huge numbers of messages some of the sites more attractive members ( and let’s face it, there are some extremely attractive members… most of whom have me blocked from the get go! ) get, however, makes being polite at all times pretty much impossible.

It is one of the inevitable features of this site that people are unable to be polite, but I don’t think they are being deliberately rude either. I just think the beautiful people are left with no alternative

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Fab rules state as it's been stated dozens of times..

No reply is a reply..

Personally I just block if not interested..

If that's rude, so be it..not losing sleep over it

I thought it said ‘it a polite rejection!?!? ‘ or why is that constantly throw around in the forums?

Serious question.

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

"Are we talking deleted or unread here?

It’s the deleted. Can’t complain about the unread

They actually make it worse for others by being too nice, makes idiots expect others too.

Just get over it , not everybody wants to talk to you.

if I got a message from you or many others on here I’d just instantly delete and not give it a second thought

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By *ostindreamsMan
over a year ago

London

You have no clue how many messages women and couple get on here. A woman showed the number of messages she had and how it keeps going up every few minutes. Unless they hire an admin to go through the messages or spend their entire life doing this, they won't even read all messages, let alone reply.

You are not entitled to a reply anyway.

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By *weetkitten65Woman
over a year ago

Halifax

"Fab rules state as it's been stated dozens of times..

No reply is a reply..

Personally I just block if not interested..

If that's rude, so be it..not losing sleep over it

I thought it said ‘it a polite rejection!?!? ‘ or why is that constantly throw around in the forums?

Serious question.

Oh Woody I don't know

Rejection is a painful word..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You have no clue how many messages women and couple get on here. A woman showed the number of messages she had and how it keeps going up every few minutes. Unless they hire an admin to go through the messages or spend their entire life doing this, they won't even read all messages, let alone reply.

You are not entitled to a reply anyway."

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By *weetkitten65Woman
over a year ago

Halifax

Maybe an Admim can clarify the rules as to not responding to a message?.

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By *host63Man
over a year ago

Bedfont Feltham

Brace for impact.

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By *eyond PurityCouple
over a year ago

Lincolnshire

We didn’t ask you to contact us.

Your opinion and our opinion of whether we match could differ.

Don’t send messages to people expecting a reply.

We used to reply to most messages but now we delete if they aren’t for us - gives us more time to spend looking for people who do match.

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By *ablo minibar123Woman
over a year ago

"OP, I take it you personally reply to all the window companies, pizza houses and valuation offers you get through the post?

Nope. As that’s just junk Mail. You can filter that like you can filter the nonsense on here. But I do get that women are bombarded on here. With 95% junk mail "

The message you send to someone may be considered junk to them though, yet you still expect a reply?

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By *eeliciouschaosWoman
over a year ago

Wherever

Bookmarking to see if OP comes back to respond to all the people who commented on his post. If he doesn’t, it’s just plain rude!

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By *he_13th_ghostWoman
over a year ago

Swindon

Woman (anyone really) don't owe you anything. If they don't reply, put on your big boy pants and accept it and move on. If someone is then right fit for you then it'll happen. Chances are most you guys send out messages to everyone woman who is currently online to see who will bite.

You wouldn't expect a stranger to reply to a cat call in the street.

People are under the illusion woman/female people here hold all the power and them not replying is a personal attack/rude when it's simply they probably are tired and worn down by those who aren't taking a polite NO for an answer.

If you can't handle these facts then maybe this site isn't for you.

And once again. Woman don't owe you anything. If you don't think that's nice or fair welp.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh dear

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By *ustus555Couple
over a year ago

I don't ask anyone to message me, I don't ask anyone to read my profile.

A polite no as you say, leads to them just messaging more. Been there done that.

Also, I couldn't give a flying fuck if a guy I have zero interest in who writes a decent message purely in the hope of getting sex thinks I'm rude. I can live with that.

Aaaand this.

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By *ubikslongswordMan
over a year ago

Rubiksville

"I don’t see the issue In somebody replying or not, the likelihood on here is if somebody did reply back saying no etc they’d probably be hounded with some sort of abuse anyway."

As someone who has seen the happen of and as happened as part of our couple profile you're 100% right

Would it be nice to get a response to that carefully thought out message I sent? Sure.

So I feel it's compulsory that I get one? Not at all, people are busy and if I got a one word no, or a not interested I'd be more upset than just a non response. Because they went through the effort to reply then put no effort into the rejection itself.

OP as a man whose wife is also on here as a single profile she gets hundreds of messages to my one, even by the time she's read through a well written one she have 10 more, if she replied to all she'd never get anything else done

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I love these threads.

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By *astshag OP Man
over a year ago

Bexhill

Wow! As the op I find some of the replies on here incredible.

I wasn’t aware of “the rules” if I’m to be honest about no replies and will accept that as my ignorance.

The collective abuse though is amazing.

Thankfully the decent folk have replied with polite messages directly and I have found myself both educated on the masses on here and engaged in decent conversation.

So to summarise, I get the rules now. I will continue to look for people with manners however.

Happy fabbing

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By *rincess-PeachWoman
over a year ago

irrelevant

"Also, when I rejoined I used to reply with polite no thank you messages, the amount who wouldn't accept that and saw it as "Persuade me" instead really got tiresome. "

THIS

No one owes you jack shit. The amount of guys who take a polite no as some kind of challenge you wouldn't believe. If random entitled strangers think I'm rude I am absolutely comfortable with that. No problem infact I will call myself rude. I'm a rude ignorant bitch

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If I'm not interested in chatting to someone, I couldn't care less what they think of my manners or lack thereof.

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By *oco_marsWoman
over a year ago

Stockport

"Maybe it's worth noting that nobody owes you a reply whether you just send "Hiya" or well thought out paragraphs.

I didn't say he said Hiya, I said whether he sends Hiya or a well thought out reply

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By *weetkitten65Woman
over a year ago

Halifax

"Wow! As the op I find some of the replies on here incredible.

I wasn’t aware of “the rules” if I’m to be honest about no replies and will accept that as my ignorance.

The collective abuse though is amazing.

Thankfully the decent folk have replied with polite messages directly and I have found myself both educated on the masses on here and engaged in decent conversation.

So to summarise, I get the rules now. I will continue to look for people with manners however.

Happy fabbing "

Credit to you...

We all live & learn..

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By *imisugarWoman
over a year ago

Rugby

"Also, when I rejoined I used to reply with polite no thank you messages, the amount who wouldn't accept that and saw it as "Persuade me" instead really got tiresome. "

This- sometimes it really isn't worth the effort.

I'm intrigued at the notion someone not replying is rude. You've decided you meet their criteria based on their profile, user has other ideas. That somehow makes them rude.

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By *lipzer KnicksaffWoman
over a year ago

Up My Own Arse Apparently

I honestly don’t care if a complete stranger thinks I'm rude.

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

Let me put it this way OP.

If you sent us a message odds are we'd delete and not reply.

Why? I mean, your the right age, the right gender, the right height that Fox usually goes for. But that's three pieces of the puzzle and it's probably at least a fifty piece jigsaw.

We view profiles before opening messages to save time. Those that pique our interest get a reply, those that don't...don't. So the most personal, interesting and witty message ever would go unread.

We're the same with any random contact. Businesses spend millions creating marketing campaigns, adverts and emails and mail drops. Doesn't matter if its well crafted - if its not something we're looking for it goes in the bin and we don't bother contacting them to say 'sorry we're not looking for a new car/solar panel/mobile phone right now'.

Just because YOU think you may be suitable for someone it doesn't make it so.

You make the choice to contact someone. They have no control over whether you message or not and aren't responsible for any distress caused by a no reply.

It's life. It's not impolite. If anything getting stroppy about it is a serious turn off, signed of unrealistic expectations and likely to deter many people.

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By *imisugarWoman
over a year ago

Rugby

"Wow! As the op I find some of the replies on here incredible.

I wasn’t aware of “the rules” if I’m to be honest about no replies and will accept that as my ignorance.

The collective abuse though is amazing.

Thankfully the decent folk have replied with polite messages directly and I have found myself both educated on the masses on here and engaged in decent conversation.

So to summarise, I get the rules now. I will continue to look for people with manners however.

Happy fabbing "

Surely that's worse though. I joined a site, didnt familiarise myself wjth the rules, complained about other members following the rules. Made a thread insulting people - kind forum members corrected me.

Kudos to you for acknowledging and being guided by experienced members, good luck wjth determining who will reply and has manners.

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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in Co. Down

You are not entitled to a reply anyway."

Or those women and couples could use filters and cut right down the amount of messages they get.The tools are there to do this if women don't want to be completely inundated with messages they can even stop all messages if they want and search for themselves for profiles that appeal. It's pretty simple some enjoy getting a load of messages as day and that is fine.But don't complain about it and act like that has to happen on fab because it doesn't.

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By *ehindHerEyesCouple
over a year ago

SomewhereOnlyWeKnow

The issue to replying to everyone is A- its time consuming and if you get a lot of mail then it becomes a full time job and

B- replying means they can bypass any future filters that may be put in place i.e males, no public pictures, age range etc

So it makes them redundant so the easiest solution is no reply.

Tinder

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I think it's rude to come into an established miniculture and declare that things must work as you say they do.

Ok, you think it's good manners to reply. Doesn't work that way here, as I'm sure has been explained.

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By *iscean_dreamMan
over a year ago

Llanelli

"Wow! As the op I find some of the replies on here incredible.

I wasn’t aware of “the rules” if I’m to be honest about no replies and will accept that as my ignorance.

The collective abuse though is amazing.

Thankfully the decent folk have replied with polite messages directly and I have found myself both educated on the masses on here and engaged in decent conversation.

So to summarise, I get the rules now. I will continue to look for people with manners however.

Happy fabbing

Kudos to you for acknowledging and being guided by experienced members, good luck wjth determining who will reply and has manners. "

See I don't buy into the I didn't know and the reason is the title of the thread is worded how it's said by fab in rules etc

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By *herryblossom_BJWoman
over a year ago

Oxfordshire/Hampshire

May I make a suggestion? Why don't you just send one or two sentences with your face picture and go from there? Normally no answer mean is no thanks. When you get over 100 messages a day you can't reply back to all of them with no thanks. Too tiring

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By *ehindHerEyesCouple
over a year ago

SomewhereOnlyWeKnow

And tbh deleting doesn't always have an affect, I deleted a message the other day, they sent another, deleted again, they sent another, in total they sent five messages in the space of an hour, if theure that insistent what are they going to be like if I did reply

Tinder

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By *olden PoleMan
over a year ago

London

There’s no point getting mad or letting no replies wind you up. A reply is a lottery on here, so many people looking for different things. Enjoy the ride with an open mind, expect nothing and go east on yourself and others.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We tend to respond to nearly all, with the occasional wtf message being ignored.

Though, I fully understand why some don't.

Filters for one, some adapt their filters are times, if they decide to filter out single men, that means every one they've replied a no thank you to, can bi-pass the filter.

You mention polite, well believe me, some of the responses back to a polite no thank you are far from polite and sometimes downright disrespectful, and we've no idea on who will respond that way.

Next up are the ones that feel they've got a bite, and as a result don't let go, trying to persuade us to meet, sometimes with an entitled attitude, other times very beggy.

I'm going to mention the volume of messages because I think it's impolite to ignore them.

When we are actively looking, we can receive many many messages, to the point we'll peep at profiles first and hand pick who to get into a conversation with, once we've seen and liked their profile and then read their message.

We do eventually get around to responding to all, even if it may be a copy and paste, polite rejection.

Though the issues mentioned above, they just create a whole lot more messages in response.

Another thing to politely consider is that we all have different coping abilities and mechanisms.

Some may feel overwhelmed by so many messages that require a no thank you kind of response, some may feel pressured by the messages trying to coax them into a different outcome, some may feel hurt by the nasty responses.

I care not for bad attitudes and why I'm happy to respond to all, but I realise everyone is different and I accept that, generally, because I have manners.

Let's not forget the amount of people that ignore the profile bio, asking questions that they can find right there in the bio even before they choose to message.

That's impolite, right? So they don't deserve a polite response, is how many see it.

It can all become overwhelming, so people switch off and ignore.

Here's a copy and paste from the FaQ's ............

"There are too many rude people on here who don't reply to my messages!

It's not rude not to reply.

Some ladies and couples get hundreds of messages a day so it simply isn't possible for them to reply to everyone. If you don't get a response, you should assume they aren't interested. If you're getting a lot of "no-replies" then you should consider your profile and the messages you send. Are they giving the right message? Are you standing out from the thousands of other guys on here?"

I hope, OP, there's enough in this thread for you to learn that others do things differently, to accept that's the way it is, because to some of the people that have these experiences mentioned here, they may consider your post to be not polite, but expressing an entitlement and as mentioned further up, some arrogance.

This in turn will result in less responses.

I will agree though that it could work better if all responded the same way, but they don't, some ignore because some are cruel in response and the vicious circle begins.

Ask yourself though, would you really prefer many messages stating .......... Sorry, not my type.

Would that really be better than a no response?

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By *herryblossom_BJWoman
over a year ago

Oxfordshire/Hampshire

"The issue to replying to everyone is A- its time consuming and if you get a lot of mail then it becomes a full time job and

B- replying means they can bypass any future filters that may be put in place i.e males, no public pictures, age range etc

So it makes them redundant so the easiest solution is no reply.

Tinder "

Should not expect a reply even though it was a match. There's a lot of reason why people don't reply.

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By *herryEatersCouple
over a year ago

East Cheshire

Here here, so very few with even basic manners on here these days. We'd rather our message deleted or be blocked than left hanging wondering if they're just busy and will get back to us the next day or whenever. It takes so little effort to delete a message !. Then there's the new wave of incredibly sefish folk who try to manipulate us into suiting only their wants and needs, irrespective of what we have written in the profile and said so far

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

when you send a message always delete it from you sent folder so you dont keep looking to see if it's been read. That way you can put it out of your mind and then if you do get a response it's a nice surprise.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sending anyone a message on here is basically cold calling thinking that they owe you anything is a mistake

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By *2000ManMan
over a year ago

Worthing

It happens op. Just block and move on.

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By *olden PoleMan
over a year ago

London

"when you send a message always delete it from you sent folder so you dont keep looking to see if it's been read. That way you can put it out of your mind and then if you do get a response it's a nice surprise."

Absolutely sound advice….works wonders

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By *andy2Man
over a year ago

Ealing

I always try and reply unless it’s a silly message but then again I’m lucky to get a few messages at most

When I was here playing as a couple we could often get 50-100 messages and just couldn’t answer

A polite no is disappointing but at least you feel like you are acknowledged

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By *ostindreamsMan
over a year ago

London

Exactly what I do

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By *ennylewis2016Couple
over a year ago

Birmingham

We often just delete or don’t reply when people (mainly single guys) can’t read our profile. And we’re not explaining why we’ve deleted. It’s our choice. We don’t have to explain to you.

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

"And tbh deleting doesn't always have an affect, I deleted a message the other day, they sent another, deleted again, they sent another, in total they sent five messages in the space of an hour, if theure that insistent what are they going to be like if I did reply

Tinder "

We often get repeat messages from people when we've not even opened the first. Despite the site advising them of that each time they send a subsequent message.

These days most of our contact and meets stem from us making the first move. That way we stand a better chance of engaging with those there's a greater chance of being compatible with.

We don't expect replies though. If we don't get any that's all good.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Getting your well thought out 'first time approach' messages unread or deleted without response is just how things roll here for the many, many understandable reasons mentioned upthread. I find that it's just not worth getting wound up in the slightest about it, as it is what it is. No biggie.

What I will say though is that when the very rare 'thanks but no thanks, good luck elsewhere though' message comes back to me, then I'm appreciative and smiling as a result. It's a nice little bonus to receive and off I trot with a bit of a glow.

Just like I am feeling writing this after getting a lovely 'no thanks' message immediately before writing this response to the thread here

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Tinder

We often get repeat messages from people when we've not even opened the first. Despite the site advising them of that each time they send a subsequent message.

These days most of our contact and meets stem from us making the first move. That way we stand a better chance of engaging with those there's a greater chance of being compatible with.

We don't expect replies though. If we don't get any that's all good.

I get that too, some people just send multiple messages, I had one that was every 10 minutes. I'd forgotten about that warning you get, so they must get that every time. I actually replied and said, this approach doesn't work, so I suggest you stop! Crazy behaviour. I really don't think it's complicated on here. If we're attracted to someone we reply or message, if we're not then we don't engage. I've engaged with completely blank profiles, when they've sent me a message with pics. People make it like 'Oh I'm such a nice guy, I did everything right, why won't you reply' - um because I'm not attracted to you! I just think it's that simple really. x

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By *oggoneMan
over a year ago

Derry

You are not entitled to a reply anyway.

They absolutely have the options of using filters and searching but they also have their reasons for not doing so

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ill never understand why written rejection will make things better.

If no response bothers you, don't message

I don't think the frustration men expresses arises from a single non reply, it's a cumulative thing.

Don't think I'm saying that women are to blame here. There's a empathy deficit in both genders here. Men don't understand womens fab experience and women don't understand the male experience.

I dont rely on men to satisfy my needs

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By *astshag OP Man
over a year ago

Bexhill

Wow well I could write a book here.

Some really helpful responses on here and genuinely thank you. A learning curve to say the least.

Some not so helpful. Let’s just keep up with the theme here and ignore the nonsense. I certainly am.

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By *onsShlongMan
over a year ago

bury

Dude, nobody owes you a reply no matter how much effort you put into a message, women get 100s of them a day. They would be on here 24/7 trying to reply to them all.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

" Try to understand it's easy for you to say 'don't message'. You can afford to do that. One guy deciding not to message you is NBD. How would you rate your fab experience if nobody ever contacted you"

My filters are as high as they go (no men, no women, no couples of any kind, no TV/S) and have been for over three years.

The fact no one new can message me is fabulous

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By *aximus74Woman
over a year ago

Manchester

Well I try to reply to most. Even if it is a "no sorry not for me" .

But example..I read a message the other day,was going to reply but was cooking and had to check on food.

Because I'd read then had something else to do quickly (was going to reply once sorted food) when I came back to it...the abuse I got was unreal... really spat his dummy out.

And sometimes a "polite no" ends up in them messaging still even though you replied.

It's swings and roundabouts I think..we just have to deal with it and move on..and accept some people won't reply even with a "polite no" .

Happy fabbing x

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By *eliusMan
over a year ago

Henlow

"OP, I take it you personally reply to all the window companies, pizza houses and valuation offers you get through the post?"

Poor comparison. They are unwanted, and unsolicited advertising paraphernalia. By virtue being a member of this site, you have agreed in principal to accept communications, even if you choose to delete or ignore them.

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By *iss.ddWoman
over a year ago

Leeds + Newcastle

This is amazing.

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By *oggoneMan
over a year ago

Derry

"Wow well I could write a book here.

Some really helpful responses on here and genuinely thank you. A learning curve to say the least.

Some not so helpful. Let’s just keep up with the theme here and ignore the nonsense. I certainly am.

This isn't about you, its a frequent topic and the same things get said everytime. You can get some great conversations and insights here but 'no reply' isn't really one of them.

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By *oggoneMan
over a year ago

Derry

"Ill never understand why written rejection will make things better.

If no response bothers you, don't message

I don't think the frustration men expresses arises from a single non reply, it's a cumulative thing.

Don't think I'm saying that women are to blame here. There's a empathy deficit in both genders here. Men don't understand womens fab experience and women don't understand the male experience.

Try to understand it's easy for you to say 'don't message'. You can afford to do that. One guy deciding not to message you is NBD. How would you rate your fab experience if nobody ever contacted you.

I dont rely on men to satisfy my needs"

Yet you're seeking men. I suspect you missed my points but NBD.

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By *os19Man
over a year ago

Edmonton

And please don’t come at me with “I get so many messages”. Yes I’m sure you do. But you can surely differentiate between the one liner “suck my cock” brigade and those with a genuine interest in meeting up. Rant over! Enjoy fab one and all x"
. If I send a message and the person doesn’t respond I accept that they are not interested which is fair enough.If in a few months time I see their profile and I am not sure if I have messaged them before when I go to messages them a message come up like a warning / reminder that you message that person before that they did not respond that way I know not to message them again.If a person responds with a polite no thank you then you don’t get that warning / reminder.I personally have no problem if I don’t get a reply back as to me no reply means no thank you

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By *rincess-PeachWoman
over a year ago

irrelevant

"Wow well I could write a book here.

Some really helpful responses on here and genuinely thank you. A learning curve to say the least.

Some not so helpful. Let’s just keep up with the theme here and ignore the nonsense. I certainly am.

Ignoring is so rude though

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By *amesBeelzebubMan
over a year ago

norwich

No replies are frustrating but I'm sure having 100+ new msgs a day is more so.

If I message someone I really want to chat to and they either don't reply or sometimes leave the message unread I'm gutted but I understand why.

The worse thing is people replying out of kindness/politeness with 1 or 2 word answers that goes on for a few messages before you give up.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This is amazing."

Those tits are amazing

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By *amesBeelzebubMan
over a year ago

norwich

"OP, I take it you personally reply to all the window companies, pizza houses and valuation offers you get through the post?

Nope. As that’s just junk Mail. You can filter that like you can filter the nonsense on here. But I do get that women are bombarded on here. With 95% junk mail "

Literally junk mail.

Most don't wanna see our junk in a first message

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By *rincess-PeachWoman
over a year ago

irrelevant

My filters are as high as they go (no men, no women, no couples of any kind, no TV/S) and have been for over three years.

The fact no one new can message me is fabulous

Yes same! I get 0 messages too with my filters and it makes my experience very very pleasant

I had open inbox for a year and it was depressing. I rate my fab experience with closed inbox as fabulous

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

My filters are as high as they go (no men, no women, no couples of any kind, no TV/S) and have been for over three years.

The fact no one new can message me is fabulous

Yes same! I get 0 messages too with my filters and it makes my experience very very pleasant

I had open inbox for a year and it was depressing. I rate my fab experience with closed inbox as fabulous

High five

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By *ddkkk91Man
over a year ago

fife

Well this was actually good read and very educational.

Thanks everyone

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By *LiamMan
over a year ago

Midlands

I leave messages unread. It's not that much of an issue OP. It's just the internet and people have things to be doing more then replying to a stranger who wants his dick sucked

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Taken from site FAQs

https://www.fabswingers.com/articles/FAQ#noreply

There are too many rude people on here who don't reply to my messages!

It's not rude not to reply.

Let's look at it another way.

No doubt you receive takeaway menus through your letterbox from time to time, from local businesses hoping to attract your custom.

You haven't asked for them, but receive them anyway.

Do you contact all those businesses to inform them that you're not interested?

Of course you don't. They go straight in the bin.

This has been covered in the forums throughout the ten years that I've been using the site, and will continue to pop up from time to time.

Would an inbox full of 'no, thank yous' really make you feel any better?

I doubt it

Perhaps you should think about what your expectations were when joining fab as your initial post and your subsequent replies to comments demonstrate a sense of entitlement.

Single men massively outnumber women and couples on fab.

Could you really cope with dealing with hundreds of messages per day?

Would you reply to all of them?

I doubt you'd have the time.

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By *ehindHerEyesCouple
over a year ago

SomewhereOnlyWeKnow

Let me add something OP about this.

I used to be a single male on fab and sent hopeful messages out and very few replies in return so I understand a little of what you are saying.

So I changed my bio and actually started receiving messages instead. That worked for me.

Now I’m part of a couple on here I started to reply on our behalf to single males as I thought it can’t be as bad as all these women make up.

Truth is it isn’t. It’s 100x worse

I have given up totally on it

Marc

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By *LiamMan
over a year ago

Midlands

"Taken from site FAQs

https://www.fabswingers.com/articles/FAQ#noreply

There are too many rude people on here who don't reply to my messages!

It's not rude not to reply.

Let's look at it another way.

No doubt you receive takeaway menus through your letterbox from time to time, from local businesses hoping to attract your custom.

You haven't asked for them, but receive them anyway.

Do you contact all those businesses to inform them that you're not interested?

Of course you don't. They go straight in the bin.

This has been covered in the forums throughout the ten years that I've been using the site, and will continue to pop up from time to time.

Would an inbox full of 'no, thank yous' really make you feel any better?

I doubt it

Perhaps you should think about what your expectations were when joining fab as your initial post and your subsequent replies to comments demonstrate a sense of entitlement.

Single men massively outnumber women and couples on fab.

Could you really cope with dealing with hundreds of messages per day?

Would you reply to all of them?

I doubt you'd have the time.

"
i'm calling the chinese now, so they don't think i'm rude

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By *icolerobbieCouple
over a year ago

walsall

Maybe the fab computer boffins could write a piece of code that automatically sends a reply to deleted messages saying “thanks for your lovely message, but it’s a polite no thank you”.

We could call it auto fob off.

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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in Co. Down

You are not entitled to a reply anyway.

They absolutely have the options of using filters and searching but they also have their reasons for not doing so"

Of course they have their reasons I never once said they didn't. It's their choice to receive that amount of mail they don't have to if they don't want to was my point.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What made you decide you have the right to a reply? You think you’re the only person to send messages that get deleted? Maybe your arrogance is coming out in your messages

Interesting that you say you look for politeness and yet you obviously see no problem in replying to people in this manner.

I’d have a look a little closer to home for the answer if i were you.

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By *otbeefandonionsCouple
over a year ago

Bathgate

Fab messages, text messages, Facebook messages, watsapp, telegram so on and so on. Regardless of the platform, my phone is for my convenience and I will reply if and when I want to

Having access to message me doesn't mean you have access to me

And as a nearly 40 year old female who has been conditioned to not offend men almost her whole life but has now seem the light, I have no fucks left to give if a random person on who I have no desire or intention to engage with thinks I'm rude

Boohoo

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By *iddlesticksMan
over a year ago

My nan’s spare room.

Going back to the OPs original post.

I wonder what qualifies as a polite response.

Is a simple

‘No thanks you’re not for me’ sufficient as if so, that means no more than simply not replying.

If the OP is hoping people will reply with,

‘Thank you for your amazingly well crafted message that details exactly why we will get along amazingly, but unfortunately due to this, that, and other contractual obligations, I do not wish to take this any further. However thank you again for messaging your message was far better than the usual smash my back doors in type of fair, but thank you dearly.’

Then that is placing a burden on the recipient of an unasked for message.

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By *eyeYCouple
over a year ago

Nr Leicester

Anyone who demonstrates that they have actually read our profile, will get a response. Simple.

The majority though can be answered with "Hello, we're fine thanks"

And honestly we can't be arsed..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Reply with a polite no thank you and what happens...two weeks later they message again as if they never did before and you won't remember or see the message history.

You want me to reply to everyone and do so repeatedly because they forgot they messaged before??? Nope I'll stick with deletes and blocking if they message again.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Reply with a polite no thank you and what happens...two weeks later they message again as if they never did before and you won't remember or see the message history.

You want me to reply to everyone and do so repeatedly because they forgot they messaged before??? Nope I'll stick with deletes and blocking if they message again."

Yup.

Also, it breaks the message filter if I reply. My filters are there for a reason

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By *esYesOMGYes!Man
over a year ago

M20

Either get used to being offended, get over it, or quit the site. Those are your choices. You only get to choose how you react in life.

Nobody owes unsolicited mail a reply.

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By *ubikslongswordMan
over a year ago

Rubiksville

"Anyone who demonstrates that they have actually read our profile, will get a response. Simple.

The majority though can be answered with "Hello, we're fine thanks"

And honestly we can't be arsed.."

I find it a real struggle to read your profile at the moment though

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Going back to the OPs original post.

I wonder what qualifies as a polite response.

Is a simple

‘No thanks you’re not for me’ sufficient as if so, that means no more than simply not replying.

If the OP is hoping people will reply with,

Then that is placing a burden on the recipient of an unasked for message. "

Agreed!

And is in effect trying to start a conversation is it not? Because 9 times out if 10 if you give a reason why they are a no they'll come back and argue it or backtrack on what's been said already.

I usually put 'sorry you don't fit what I'm looking for' if I actually reply.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

U gotta remember they didnt ask for your message in the first place. Best you can do is read the profile and write your message to suit. If no reply then just take the hint, block & move on.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hiya,

Usually, I wouldn't agree with you. I delete loads of messages, even quite nice friendly ones, just because I've got that many and the guy isn't my type physically or they have a shit profile (if they can't be bothered with this, what else can't they be bothered with?). Usually.

But in your case, it's different. The reason for this is that you're referring to the person's profile in your message, and your own profile is really good. You're tall. Good body.

Yeah I don't see any scenario where you didn't get a reply from this.

Tell you what, why don't you send me an initial message and we can chat some?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Maybe it's worth noting that nobody owes you a reply whether you just send "Hiya" or well thought out paragraphs.

If people had to reply to every single message, some would be there all day"

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By *oggoneMan
over a year ago

Derry

You are not entitled to a reply anyway.

They absolutely have the options of using filters and searching but they also have their reasons for not doing so

Of course they have their reasons I never once said they didn't. It's their choice to receive that amount of mail they don't have to if they don't want to was my point. "

I'm not disputing anything you wrote, I'm acknowledging their approach is their preferred choice.

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By *uckmonkeyMan
over a year ago

devon

I’ve only sent a handful of messages out to people of interest who might meet my wants and had 1 reply, the rest have either ignored or read and ignored but that’s a firm no in my book….

I also message people In response to their status updates (sorry if you have received and are not impressed) for a bit of fun and probably get more replies back from this but I still have no expectations…

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Fab messages, text messages, Facebook messages, watsapp, telegram so on and so on. Regardless of the platform, my phone is for my convenience and I will reply if and when I want to

Having access to message me doesn't mean you have access to me

Boohoo"

Absolutely this

If your ego is so fragile, this lifestyle is not for you

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By *uckmonkeyMan
over a year ago

devon

"Fab messages, text messages, Facebook messages, watsapp, telegram so on and so on. Regardless of the platform, my phone is for my convenience and I will reply if and when I want to

Having access to message me doesn't mean you have access to me

Boohoo

Absolutely this

If your ego is so fragile, this lifestyle is not for you"

To the point…

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No reply. Then just move on. For whatever reason they have decided to not respond. Getting a response saying No thanks doesn't make it any better.

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By *ittle Miss TinkerbellWoman
over a year ago

your head

To think that you are owed a reply for sending a polite message is entitled. No one owes anyone anything on here.

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By *otSoPetiteMortWoman
over a year ago

Hertfordshire

Your message is unsolicited.

You don't know other people's lives or their time limitations.

You are not entitled to other people's time and effort, and therefore are not entitled to a reply.

I would rather people think I am rude than waste my time trying to soothe other people's fragile egos.

I have wasted way too much of my life being a "people-pleaser" and it has had nothing but negative impacts on my time and mental health.

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By *phialtesMan
over a year ago

Beyond the Wall

"U gotta remember they didnt ask for your message in the first place. Best you can do is read the profile and write your message to suit. If no reply then just take the hint, block & move on. "

Exactly, while you may think its a match they may not.

Remember some people are not always looking for new hookups but don’t advertise it.

You are a stranger, and as such are owed nothing by anyone.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Fab messages, text messages, Facebook messages, watsapp, telegram so on and so on. Regardless of the platform, my phone is for my convenience and I will reply if and when I want to

Having access to message me doesn't mean you have access to me

Boohoo

Absolutely this

If your ego is so fragile, this lifestyle is not for you"

I agree with the majority on here - nobody is entitled to a response of any kind. It is a far more toxic site than it once was though - but that maybe a reflection of broader society.

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By *uckmonkeyMan
over a year ago

devon

"Your message is unsolicited.

You don't know other people's lives or their time limitations.

You are not entitled to other people's time and effort, and therefore are not entitled to a reply.

I would rather people think I am rude than waste my time trying to soothe other people's fragile egos.

I have wasted way too much of my life being a "people-pleaser" and it has had nothing but negative impacts on my time and mental health."

Very nicely said and very true….

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

Rant over? I very much doubt that.

Demanding and expecting the emotional energy of those that didn’t ask for your message is entitled as hell.

You value politeness from those that you message, I’m assuming that this politeness is a one way transaction as you’re definitely not polite in your attitude.

You’re a walking red flag with your approach.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Mate, we’ve all

Messaged a woman we find attractive on here and at some point had no response, it’s life it’s not personal it’s just that most women in here get so many unsolicited messages.

Regardless of how well written you think your message is, doesn’t mean anyone has to reply to you.

It’s not rude to not reply! It’s almost certainly rude to expect a person to reply and then throw your toys out of the pram when they don’t.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OP when you get a message and click on the profile and they are not for you, what's your response?? Genuine question that I'd like answered please

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By *onningtonplumberMan
over a year ago

Donnington

Been here now for 14 or so years on and off both couples and singles profiles.

It's not at all rude to not reply, as stated above its in the site rules to accept no reply as no thanks, if it offends you then maybe fab is the wrong place for you.

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By *oggoneMan
over a year ago

Derry

"Your message is unsolicited.

You don't know other people's lives or their time limitations.

You are not entitled to other people's time and effort, and therefore are not entitled to a reply.

I would rather people think I am rude than waste my time trying to soothe other people's fragile egos.

I have wasted way too much of my life being a "people-pleaser" and it has had nothing but negative impacts on my time and mental health."

You may disagree but by the simple fact of having a profile, specifying your requirements and using filters to allow yourself to be contacted, you are soliciting messages.

How you respond to messages is a different matter.

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By *MisschiefxTV/TS
over a year ago

London

Oh it's this thread again.

Just because you decided to invest your own time doesn't mean any one else is obligated to invest time, energy or mental space in return. You are owed absolutely nothing from anyone else on here.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes we can tell the difference between a crap message and a decent one. But we are also aware that replying will mean in future, if we change our filters, you will still be able to message.

But at the end of the day, it's just words on a screen. Don't take it so hard when we delete and not reply

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By *eyeYCouple
over a year ago

Nr Leicester

"Anyone who demonstrates that they have actually read our profile, will get a response. Simple.

The majority though can be answered with "Hello, we're fine thanks"

And honestly we can't be arsed..

I find it a real struggle to read your profile at the moment though

Can't imagine why..

Too busy to meet atm..

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Yes we can tell the difference between a crap message and a decent one. But we are also aware that replying will mean in future, if we change our filters, you will still be able to message.

But at the end of the day, it's just words on a screen. Don't take it so hard when we delete and not reply"

Indeed.

I occasionally make the mistake of replying no thank you. Then the begging and cajoling and negotiation starts. Or the abuse.

No means no - and going on about it shows even more clearly why my decision was correct

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By *2000ManMan
over a year ago

Worthing

Maybe don't send messages op. Join in with forum/cam room chat and make friends. You might get noticed.

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