FabSwingers.com mobile

Already registered?
Login here

Back to forum list
Back to The Lounge

How do you get a man out of your house

Jump to newest
 

By *ad Nanna OP   Woman
over a year ago

East London

He's been camping out in my bathroom for weeks and keeps watching me shower.

I think he's laughing at me standing at the other end of the bath trying to wash myself with one hand, and wash my hair with the shower head between my legs.

I know he's waiting for me to run a bath and start shaving my legs, so he can jump in and float into me.

I think I might move house.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Burn the house down!

Its the only way

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

Crumpet Castle

Mr. Soapy ?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ad Nanna OP   Woman
over a year ago

East London


"Burn the house down!

Its the only way "

Thought of that but I live in a semi-detached and the neighbours house might go up too.

Can I move in with you, Jen?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Get him annual cinema membership. Works for Miles. Shhhh...

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ad Nanna OP   Woman
over a year ago

East London


"Mr. Soapy ?"

Well, he hasn't bathed since I spotted him.

Unless he does it at night while I'm asleep.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ad Nanna OP   Woman
over a year ago

East London


"Get him annual cinema membership. Works for Miles. Shhhh...

"

Oh, does he stare at you while you shower too?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *andycandy88Woman
over a year ago

Northolt

Who is this he OP

A tenant?

Xx

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Burn the house down!

Its the only way

Thought of that but I live in a semi-detached and the neighbours house might go up too.

Can I move in with you, Jen? "

What, and have a trannie watch you shower and try to get in you when you bath?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ad Nanna OP   Woman
over a year ago

East London


"Who is this he OP

A tenant?

Xx"

No, he doesn't pay me a penny in rent!

He's pretty good at catching flies though-when he's not watching me on the toilet.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ad Nanna OP   Woman
over a year ago

East London


"Burn the house down!

Its the only way

Thought of that but I live in a semi-detached and the neighbours house might go up too.

Can I move in with you, Jen?

What, and have a trannie watch you shower and try to get in you when you bath? "

You're not a spider are you.

That's good enough for me.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It’s Mr Matey isn’t it?

Is that still a thing? Used to be all the rage in the 80s (when only Sunday was bath night )

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

Crumpet Castle


"It’s Mr Matey isn’t it?

Is that still a thing? Used to be all the rage in the 80s (when only Sunday was bath night )"

FFS Dan ..... that's who I meant. I knew soapy didn't sound right!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Get him annual cinema membership. Works for Miles. Shhhh...

Oh, does he stare at you while you shower too?"

I don't dare to use his bathroom in case I put the bottle down facing the wrong way

T

T

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ad Nanna OP   Woman
over a year ago

East London


"It’s Mr Matey isn’t it?

Is that still a thing? Used to be all the rage in the 80s (when only Sunday was bath night )

FFS Dan ..... that's who I meant. I knew soapy didn't sound right!"

It's still sold in Home Bargains.

I might buy a bottle and hit him with it.

I won't go to heaven but I'll bathe in peace.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *eliWoman
over a year ago

.


"It’s Mr Matey isn’t it?

Is that still a thing? Used to be all the rage in the 80s (when only Sunday was bath night )"

What's Mr Matey? I could Google but effort.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ad Nanna OP   Woman
over a year ago

East London


"Get him annual cinema membership. Works for Miles. Shhhh...

Oh, does he stare at you while you shower too?

I don't dare to use his bathroom in case I put the bottle down facing the wrong way

T

T"

Does he arrange all your tins and spices in alphabetical order?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ad Nanna OP   Woman
over a year ago

East London


"It’s Mr Matey isn’t it?

Is that still a thing? Used to be all the rage in the 80s (when only Sunday was bath night )

What's Mr Matey? I could Google but effort."

You never had a Mr Matey bath?

My kids loved it and they brought out a couple of other characters.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ad Nanna OP   Woman
over a year ago

East London

Just for Meli

https://youtu.be/OpG5-Nc2G_I

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *andybeachWoman
over a year ago

In the middle

OMG I think he was in my bathroom a week ago too, I had to put the plunger over him otherwise I couldn’t do a wee while he was sitting here on my shower mat just checking me out

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

Crumpet Castle


"It’s Mr Matey isn’t it?

Is that still a thing? Used to be all the rage in the 80s (when only Sunday was bath night )

What's Mr Matey? I could Google but effort."

Meli , Mr. Matey is a bottle of bubble bath .... it was a thing years ago.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ad Nanna OP   Woman
over a year ago

East London


"OMG I think he was in my bathroom a week ago too, I had to put the plunger over him otherwise I couldn’t do a wee while he was sitting here on my shower mat just checking me out "

Some of them jump too

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ad Nanna OP   Woman
over a year ago

East London


"It’s Mr Matey isn’t it?

Is that still a thing? Used to be all the rage in the 80s (when only Sunday was bath night )

What's Mr Matey? I could Google but effort.

Meli , Mr. Matey is a bottle of bubble bath .... it was a thing years ago."

A BIG thing, Granny.

Maybe she was too young to remember.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *andybeachWoman
over a year ago

In the middle


"OMG I think he was in my bathroom a week ago too, I had to put the plunger over him otherwise I couldn’t do a wee while he was sitting here on my shower mat just checking me out

Some of them jump too "

Not with a plunger on his head he didn’t

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ad Nanna OP   Woman
over a year ago

East London


"OMG I think he was in my bathroom a week ago too, I had to put the plunger over him otherwise I couldn’t do a wee while he was sitting here on my shower mat just checking me out

Some of them jump too

Not with a plunger on his head he didn’t "

How long did he last under there? Mine's on a wall and my plunger is pump action.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ulieAndBeefCouple
over a year ago

Manchester-ish

Put a cup over him, slide a piece of paper underneath him then throw him out of the window.

B

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *andybeachWoman
over a year ago

In the middle


"OMG I think he was in my bathroom a week ago too, I had to put the plunger over him otherwise I couldn’t do a wee while he was sitting here on my shower mat just checking me out

Some of them jump too

Not with a plunger on his head he didn’t

How long did he last under there? Mine's on a wall and my plunger is pump action. "

Only a minute, I flushed and ran

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ripodius WillyusMan
over a year ago

nelson/colne border

Is this serious? Concern if true is how come someone camping out in bathroom. Is it your house?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Is this serious? Concern if true is how come someone camping out in bathroom. Is it your house?"

(*whispers* I think she's talking about a spider)

Shhhh

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *arkus1812Man
over a year ago

Lifes Departure Lounge

I have had one in my kitchen for a couple of weeks watching me washing the dishes, had to temporarily re home him at the weekend as the visiting grandkids would have put him on the floor and jumped on him.

He is back on the draining board now.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ad Nanna OP   Woman
over a year ago

East London


"Put a cup over him, slide a piece of paper underneath him then throw him out of the window.

B"

That means being brave, and I'm not brave.

The paper might fall, or he might crawl out from a little crack between the paper and cup, or he might fly back in the window when I throw him out.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ad Nanna OP   Woman
over a year ago

East London


"Is this serious? Concern if true is how come someone camping out in bathroom. Is it your house?"

Yes, it's very serious.

He needs to leave now.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *eliWoman
over a year ago

.


"Just for Meli

https://youtu.be/OpG5-Nc2G_I"

Thank you! I feel like I missed out on a fun part of childhood now though.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ad Nanna OP   Woman
over a year ago

East London


"I have had one in my kitchen for a couple of weeks watching me washing the dishes, had to temporarily re home him at the weekend as the visiting grandkids would have put him on the floor and jumped on him.

He is back on the draining board now. "

May I borrow your grandkids?

I'm hoping my grandson isn't scared of them and will remove him tomorrow

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Have you tried asking him to help out around the house?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ad Nanna OP   Woman
over a year ago

East London


"Just for Meli

https://youtu.be/OpG5-Nc2G_I

Thank you! I feel like I missed out on a fun part of childhood now though."

No one talks about the folliculitis it caused, because it meant we didn't have to scrub our children or bath

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ad Nanna OP   Woman
over a year ago

East London


"Have you tried asking him to help out around the house? "

I'll give him a sponge and ask him to wash my back, shall I?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Liverpool


"It’s Mr Matey isn’t it?

Is that still a thing? Used to be all the rage in the 80s (when only Sunday was bath night )

What's Mr Matey? I could Google but effort."

Meli! I know you don't like it, but I am truely disappointed that you don't know of this.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Have you tried asking him to help out around the house?

I'll give him a sponge and ask him to wash my back, shall I?"

He’ll be off to the pub quicker than you can say ‘spider’

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *inger_SnapWoman
over a year ago

Hampshire

I can lend you a cat, they quite like a spidery snack.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I can lend you a cat, they quite like a spidery snack."

We’re talking about a man I thought?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

Oh I remember hearing the solution to this. Some woman in an situation that escelated each time of a new animal. You should try that.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *phialtesMan
over a year ago

Beyond the Wall

Tell him this weekend is perfect for a BBQ, but your current BBQ needs replacing.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *MisschiefxTV/TS
over a year ago

London


"He's been camping out in my bathroom for weeks and keeps watching me shower.

I think he's laughing at me standing at the other end of the bath trying to wash myself with one hand, and wash my hair with the shower head between my legs.

I know he's waiting for me to run a bath and start shaving my legs, so he can jump in and float into me.

I think I might move house.

"

I name them and leave them too it. I consider service against flies as a rent payment.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ad Nanna OP   Woman
over a year ago

East London


"I can lend you a cat, they quite like a spidery snack."

My dogs love a cat to chase, so maybe not a good idea.

If only dogs hunted spiders.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ad Nanna OP   Woman
over a year ago

East London


"He's been camping out in my bathroom for weeks and keeps watching me shower.

I think he's laughing at me standing at the other end of the bath trying to wash myself with one hand, and wash my hair with the shower head between my legs.

I know he's waiting for me to run a bath and start shaving my legs, so he can jump in and float into me.

I think I might move house.

I name them and leave them too it. I consider service against flies as a rent payment."

I'm trying to, but he's making a stand right above the tap, next to the shower head.

He's covering two bases and waiting for the right moment drop onto my hand.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 
 

By *ad Nanna OP   Woman
over a year ago

East London


"Tell him this weekend is perfect for a BBQ, but your current BBQ needs replacing."

That means he'll come back.

I wouldn't mind if he could actually use a bbq.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
Post new Message to Thread
back to top