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Were your parents bigots or racist?

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By *oggone OP   Man
over a year ago

Derry

I don't always agree with viewing the past with modern views but would you see what your parents believed as being racist by current views?

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Yes.

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By *uckmonkeyMan
over a year ago

devon

My mum yes…..

Dad maybe….

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross


"Yes. "

But let's leave my parents out of it and say that SOCIETY was much more racist in their day.

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

Mine never said or did anything to make me think they were.

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By *ipperbangMan
over a year ago

Sittingbourne


"Yes.

But let's leave my parents out of it and say that SOCIETY was much more racist in their day."

I agree

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nope. They didn't care about color, class, religion, sexuality or profession.

My dad was also forever helping others and would have given anyone his last if they needed it.

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By *EAT..85Woman
over a year ago

Nottingham

My Dad used to use some inappropriate naming language but I think that was the'norm' back then. He's changed with the times and as far as I'm aware accepts people at face value not dependant on skin colour or heritage. I don't think he'd describe himself as racist then or now.

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By *oggone OP   Man
over a year ago

Derry


"Yes.

But let's leave my parents out of it and say that SOCIETY was much more racist in their day."

This isn't on your parents GC but yes your parents views were probably reflective of society at that time.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't really buy into this generation thing. Whatever time it was, people should know better and be better.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Yep and my kids will look back on us as transphobic, racist and homophobic probably

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

As a child we had lots of different family friends that were from different cultural backgrounds, however some of the language that they used would be considered problematic now.

They are definitely bigoted though

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By *assy69Man
over a year ago

West Sussex and Wales


"I don't always agree with viewing the past with modern views but would you see what your parents believed as being racist by current views?"

Yes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I dont think we will ever get rid of racism it just keeps going ....often it is the fear of the unknown

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"I don't really buy into this generation thing. Whatever time it was, people should know better and be better. "

I'm not sure I agree. My mum was brought up in a rural area in the thirties. They'd never seen anyone from outside of the UK. A Sikh man suddenly appeared at their door one afternoon and my grandmother was terrified and locked herself and the children in a bedroom until he went away. We'd see that as racist now but she was genuinely terrified of him, fear of the unknown if you like. How could she have known better?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No, but my Dad and other family are very classist within our culture when it comes to the caste system. It's something I've never agreed with and argued with him over more than I'd like to care for.

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By *oggone OP   Man
over a year ago

Derry


"I don't really buy into this generation thing. Whatever time it was, people should know better and be better. "

I'm not dismissing your opinion but it's an easy thing to say when looking back with current contemporary views.

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By *rincipessaWoman
over a year ago

your wildest dreams,

Their language was of the time. In later life they still used it and were brought up about it by myself and my kids who were horrified to hear it from their grandparents which they thought in every other sense didn’t appear to be be racist or bigoted.

Terms that are used offensively today honestly horrified them, yet they couldn’t see the language they used as being offensive. It was the norm

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I don't really buy into this generation thing. Whatever time it was, people should know better and be better.

I'm not sure I agree. My mum was brought up in a rural area in the thirties. They'd never seen anyone from outside of the UK. A Sikh man suddenly appeared at their door one afternoon and my grandmother was terrified and locked herself and the children in a bedroom until he went away. We'd see that as racist now but she was genuinely terrified of him, fear of the unknown if you like. How could she have known better?"

I hear this. But do we really think some accounts of racism are just people not knowing any better? Or that they hadn’t actually sat down for a second and humanised people with different colour skin? In every generation there are people that recognised that people from different races were individual human beings.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think my mum has some racist views towards other people of colour and I’ve always called her out and will continue to fall out with her and check her on it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes, although if you ever pull them up on a racist comment they're genuinely shocked that what they've said is considered racist. They think they're egalitarian and progressive.

Nell

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There’s a point to be made here but this is fab so I’ll check myself before I wreck myself

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"I don't really buy into this generation thing. Whatever time it was, people should know better and be better.

I'm not sure I agree. My mum was brought up in a rural area in the thirties. They'd never seen anyone from outside of the UK. A Sikh man suddenly appeared at their door one afternoon and my grandmother was terrified and locked herself and the children in a bedroom until he went away. We'd see that as racist now but she was genuinely terrified of him, fear of the unknown if you like. How could she have known better?

I hear this. But do we really think some accounts of racism are just people not knowing any better? Or that they hadn’t actually sat down for a second and humanised people with different colour skin? In every generation there are people that recognised that people from different races were individual human beings. "

Context is important I think.

A woman alone in an isolated house with six small children. A stranger knocks the door. He looks different. Her first instinct is to protect herself and her children. I don't believe she dehumanised the man

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By *edeWoman
over a year ago

the abyss

Thankfully not in anyway.

I'm lucky to have very accepting parents that even if they don't understand or necessarily agree they are happy for people to get on with their own lives the way they see fit

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I don't really buy into this generation thing. Whatever time it was, people should know better and be better.

I'm not sure I agree. My mum was brought up in a rural area in the thirties. They'd never seen anyone from outside of the UK. A Sikh man suddenly appeared at their door one afternoon and my grandmother was terrified and locked herself and the children in a bedroom until he went away. We'd see that as racist now but she was genuinely terrified of him, fear of the unknown if you like. How could she have known better?

I hear this. But do we really think some accounts of racism are just people not knowing any better? Or that they hadn’t actually sat down for a second and humanised people with different colour skin? In every generation there are people that recognised that people from different races were individual human beings. "

Exactly this Steve. Too many people use the not knowing any better card and it's not right. Even up you was brought up in a household that displayed those views.. grow up, learn and educate yourselves better. There's no excuses to have those views your entire life.

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By *EAT..85Woman
over a year ago

Nottingham


"I think my mum has some racist views towards other people of colour and I’ve always called her out and will continue to fall out with her and check her on it. "

I've got a couple of British born Pakistani friends and they're crazy racist to other Pakistanis!

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

^^ also we're attributing her fear to his race alone. I don't believe it was just that

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By *ts the taking part thatMan
over a year ago

southampton

People close you down without hearing a full point so these terms are worthless & names don't hurt.

The percieved racism will get worse as the poorer in society struggle even more for housing, jobs, health care & education. Immigrants keep coming but no infrastructure is added so ultimately the government is causing these tensions as the Immigrants are never moving into middle class areas so everyone is fighting for the same things.

Look at the percieved water shortages, water boards say its global weather changes but its not.

We add millions of people in 10 years but don't build one new reservoir. It's numbers not weather.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't think my Mum was but my Dad was overtly racist.

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By *estarossa.Woman
over a year ago

Flagrante

My stepfather was.

We fell out a lot.

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By *r TriomanMan
over a year ago

Chippenham Malmesbury area

Not sure about my mum as she died when I was young but I wouldn't be surprised that, like my dad, she also subscribed to the racist (and homo-phobic) views shared by the nation at that time; my dad however, continued to hang onto these views throughout his life and refused change them dispute the nation changing.

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London


"No, but my Dad and other family are very classist within our culture when it comes to the caste system. It's something I've never agreed with and argued with him over more than I'd like to care for."

People forget that there is racism between all races, and even hatred between people of the same race.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I don't really buy into this generation thing. Whatever time it was, people should know better and be better.

I'm not sure I agree. My mum was brought up in a rural area in the thirties. They'd never seen anyone from outside of the UK. A Sikh man suddenly appeared at their door one afternoon and my grandmother was terrified and locked herself and the children in a bedroom until he went away. We'd see that as racist now but she was genuinely terrified of him, fear of the unknown if you like. How could she have known better?

I hear this. But do we really think some accounts of racism are just people not knowing any better? Or that they hadn’t actually sat down for a second and humanised people with different colour skin? In every generation there are people that recognised that people from different races were individual human beings.

Context is important I think.

A woman alone in an isolated house with six small children. A stranger knocks the door. He looks different. Her first instinct is to protect herself and her children. I don't believe she dehumanised the man"

I’m not talking about your specific example because I didn’t know enough about it. That’s why I said I hear it. But some accounts of racism can’t be argued away with ‘how could they know better’

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think my mum has some racist views towards other people of colour and I’ve always called her out and will continue to fall out with her and check her on it.

I've got a couple of British born Pakistani friends and they're crazy racist to other Pakistanis! "

The internalised racism and colourism is rife and imo is not all that surprising considering the impact white supremacy has globally.

My family are massively anti black at times.

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By *oggone OP   Man
over a year ago

Derry


"I don't really buy into this generation thing. Whatever time it was, people should know better and be better.

I'm not sure I agree. My mum was brought up in a rural area in the thirties. They'd never seen anyone from outside of the UK. A Sikh man suddenly appeared at their door one afternoon and my grandmother was terrified and locked herself and the children in a bedroom until he went away. We'd see that as racist now but she was genuinely terrified of him, fear of the unknown if you like. How could she have known better?

I hear this. But do we really think some accounts of racism are just people not knowing any better? Or that they hadn’t actually sat down for a second and humanised people with different colour skin? In every generation there are people that recognised that people from different races were individual human beings.

Context is important I think.

A woman alone in an isolated house with six small children. A stranger knocks the door. He looks different. Her first instinct is to protect herself and her children. I don't believe she dehumanised the man

I’m not talking about your specific example because I didn’t know enough about it. That’s why I said I hear it. But some accounts of racism can’t be argued away with ‘how could they know better’"

Certainly some accounts can't but can you see how context changes things and intent has to considered too?

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

[Removed by poster at 27/06/23 09:40:26]

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By *om and JennieCouple
over a year ago

Chams or Socials

Not that I recall. Although the older she gets the more anti-asylum seeker my mum is getting!! I refuse to engage with her.

J

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"No, but my Dad and other family are very classist within our culture when it comes to the caste system. It's something I've never agreed with and argued with him over more than I'd like to care for.

People forget that there is racism between all races, and even hatred between people of the same race. "

Oppressed groups play into hierarchies of race often. It’s depressing because I actually think it’s a major reason anti racism fails to be impactful sometimes. But allyship is getting better.

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By *TG3Man
over a year ago

Dorchester

No they weren't and I'm not i take people as i find them

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By *aGaGagging for itCouple
over a year ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

Not at all, they were very inclusive, open minded and non judgmental (as well as being very churchy with strong religious beliefs)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I don't really buy into this generation thing. Whatever time it was, people should know better and be better.

I'm not sure I agree. My mum was brought up in a rural area in the thirties. They'd never seen anyone from outside of the UK. A Sikh man suddenly appeared at their door one afternoon and my grandmother was terrified and locked herself and the children in a bedroom until he went away. We'd see that as racist now but she was genuinely terrified of him, fear of the unknown if you like. How could she have known better?

I hear this. But do we really think some accounts of racism are just people not knowing any better? Or that they hadn’t actually sat down for a second and humanised people with different colour skin? In every generation there are people that recognised that people from different races were individual human beings.

Context is important I think.

A woman alone in an isolated house with six small children. A stranger knocks the door. He looks different. Her first instinct is to protect herself and her children. I don't believe she dehumanised the man

I’m not talking about your specific example because I didn’t know enough about it. That’s why I said I hear it. But some accounts of racism can’t be argued away with ‘how could they know better’

Certainly some accounts can't but can you see how context changes things and intent has to considered too?"

Intent should be considered of course. But if someone says the colour ‘N brown’ around me or raps along to the N word gleefully in my face, there may be no ill intent but the way that might make me feel is also valid and should be considered. Sometimes people are so desperate to absolve themselves of responsibility in upsetting someone. Own it. Learn from it. Be better.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"No they weren't and I'm not i take people as i find them "

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By *TG3Man
over a year ago

Dorchester


"No they weren't and I'm not i take people as i find them

"
why the smiley faces?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"No they weren't and I'm not i take people as i find them

why the smiley faces? "

Oh you were being serious? My bad

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No, not at all.

They had friends from different backgrounds, ethnicities, beliefs and sexuality, etc.

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

my parents definitely aren't and had no issues at all with having a black son in law. But it is really hard trying to get my mum not to use the word coloured which I wince at every time.

if they had been racist and expressed it in my presence it would definitely have hurt my relationship with them.

my mother is Swiss and she did face initially some xenophobia from her mother in law who.for some strange reason thought that all foreigners didn't wear knickers! but she dearly loved my mum in the end. (oh and I can confirm my mum does wear knickers!)

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan
over a year ago

Den of Iniquity

My Irish Grandad I guess I'd say yes he was ..

My parents bought me up better than that though

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By *eard and BoobsCouple
over a year ago

Portstewart

Honestly no as they were from very different backgrounds and they taught me how to be nice to both sides of the devide

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"my parents definitely aren't and had no issues at all with having a black son in law. But it is really hard trying to get my mum not to use the word coloured which I wince at every time.

if they had been racist and expressed it in my presence it would definitely have hurt my relationship with them.

my mother is Swiss and she did face initially some xenophobia from her mother in law who.for some strange reason thought that all foreigners didn't wear knickers! but she dearly loved my mum in the end. (oh and I can confirm my mum does wear knickers!)"

Isn't it funny what people think.

When I married my South Asian, Hindu first husband my aunt asked me how many other wives he was allowed and if we had to pray after we'd had sex.

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

.

Nope. My mum is a middle class hippy a la Fleabag's mum. Harmless, bit bitchy but very much not bigoted.

Actually; my biological dad is slightly. Well, was, I don't know. He really believed that being lighter skinned black was something to strive for and made you better. He's a chocolate brown but sadly the women that side really believe the lighter the better. It's hard to explain.

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By *ormalfornorfolkMan
over a year ago

Norwich

I heard my dad use a few words that would make you cringe these days but he was friends (genuine friends) with several Indian and Bangladeshi guys who ran businesses around where he had his. I think he was a take people as you find them type of guy. My mum has lurched politically to the right in the last few years and is not a fan of “citizen Khan” but I don’t think it’s racially motivated. Overall I think they saw the benefits of multiculturalism…

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham


"I don't really buy into this generation thing. Whatever time it was, people should know better and be better. "

I’m sure in 100 years time people will look back on some of our views and habits , especially around the environment and think we were pretty selfish and stupid.

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By *oco_marsWoman
over a year ago

Stockport

Parents no, grandparents and great grandparents on my mum's side were. Especially my Nana.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Nope. My mum is a middle class hippy a la Fleabag's mum. Harmless, bit bitchy but very much not bigoted.

Actually; my biological dad is slightly. Well, was, I don't know. He really believed that being lighter skinned black was something to strive for and made you better. He's a chocolate brown but sadly the women that side really believe the lighter the better. It's hard to explain."

Same thing in India. The idea is that darker skin meant having to work outside in the sun as a labourer which wasn't very fancied and having lighter skin meant being able to stay inside and not having to work. Absolute bullshit, but that was the logic.

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By *apidaryMan
over a year ago

Chipping Norton

In a reverse way. They had no problems with class, religion or colour, but their politics made them bigoted in a way they remained blind to till the end of their lives. "The Tories" were blamed for everything, up to and often including the weather, and they simply couldn't see that they used the term in exactly the same way others would use "the foreigners" or whatever racial or sexual group they didn't like. Nothing wrong with disagreeing with people's politics, but they turned it into a blanket prejudice that coloured their view of life in an odd way.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I don't really buy into this generation thing. Whatever time it was, people should know better and be better.

I’m sure in 100 years time people will look back on some of our views and habits , especially around the environment and think we were pretty selfish and stupid. "

Plenty of us currently living think we are. I suppose plenty of people in the past also thought that people were racist or bad for their views too. I don’t think we always need to look so far into the future for things to age badly or to realise it was bad.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would say my dad was when I was younger but he’s had a bit of an awakening in modern times and I’m pleased to say he’s the exact opposite these days!

From what I can gather his dad was one of the worst kinds for it and he grew up with that mentality.

Mr

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By *ustus555Couple
over a year ago

NG 21


"I think my mum has some racist views towards other people of colour and I’ve always called her out and will continue to fall out with her and check her on it.

I've got a couple of British born Pakistani friends and they're crazy racist to other Pakistanis! "

Thank you. Was waiting for this.

Some of the worst racist language I've heard came from a work colleague of colour. To say I was gobsmacked is an understatement.

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By *oggone OP   Man
over a year ago

Derry


"Nope. My mum is a middle class hippy a la Fleabag's mum. Harmless, bit bitchy but very much not bigoted.

Actually; my biological dad is slightly. Well, was, I don't know. He really believed that being lighter skinned black was something to strive for and made you better. He's a chocolate brown but sadly the women that side really believe the lighter the better. It's hard to explain."

Skin lightening isn't a new thing and is aspirational in many cultures. But when society sets the yardstick, that's what people measure themselves by.

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

.


"Nope. My mum is a middle class hippy a la Fleabag's mum. Harmless, bit bitchy but very much not bigoted.

Actually; my biological dad is slightly. Well, was, I don't know. He really believed that being lighter skinned black was something to strive for and made you better. He's a chocolate brown but sadly the women that side really believe the lighter the better. It's hard to explain.

Same thing in India. The idea is that darker skin meant having to work outside in the sun as a labourer which wasn't very fancied and having lighter skin meant being able to stay inside and not having to work. Absolute bullshit, but that was the logic."

Yep. Absolute bollocks.

It harks back to the *lavery days for my family - my great great great grandmother was a "woman of the house" and it sadly helped instill the belief that paler skin was something to be prized, those who toiled in the sun weren't as fortunate or desirable. Absolute codswallop of course but growing up with the inflicting ideas of that and the societal beauty ideals my Nonno was somewhat confusing.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Nope. My mum is a middle class hippy a la Fleabag's mum. Harmless, bit bitchy but very much not bigoted.

Actually; my biological dad is slightly. Well, was, I don't know. He really believed that being lighter skinned black was something to strive for and made you better. He's a chocolate brown but sadly the women that side really believe the lighter the better. It's hard to explain.

Skin lightening isn't a new thing and is aspirational in many cultures. But when society sets the yardstick, that's what people measure themselves by."

My ex husband used to laugh at the people laying on the beach trying to turn their skin the same colour as his

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross


"Yes.

But let's leave my parents out of it and say that SOCIETY was much more racist in their day.

This isn't on your parents GC but yes your parents views were probably reflective of society at that time."

You just repeated back to me what i'd just said

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I don't really buy into this generation thing. Whatever time it was, people should know better and be better. "

This. 100%. It’s a horse-shit ‘defence’ to say ‘it was different back then’

My dad was massively racist. I suspect he still is - he’s just less open with it. Disgusting.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think about this often with a mixed daughter but listening to so many accounts from mixed/ bi racial people they talk about experiencing racism from their own family. I can’t imagine growing up with family members that hate people like you or one of your parents.

Another common feature of interracial dating where older generations hold bad views is that they see the person of colour as an exception. They don’t really like Black people but you’re not like them. Etc.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross


"I don't really buy into this generation thing. Whatever time it was, people should know better and be better. "

It's a very naïve point of view to think that societal norms don't alter as decades become centuries.

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By *penbicoupleCouple
over a year ago

Northampton

Yes. I've always said they are "polite racists."

They would say things like, "there's a black couple moved-in at the end of the street, but they're lovely!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I don't really buy into this generation thing. Whatever time it was, people should know better and be better.

It's a very naïve point of view to think that societal norms don't alter as decades become centuries. "

But what’s wrong with what was said?

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By *oco_marsWoman
over a year ago

Stockport


"I think about this often with a mixed daughter but listening to so many accounts from mixed/ bi racial people they talk about experiencing racism from their own family. I can’t imagine growing up with family members that hate people like you or one of your parents.

Another common feature of interracial dating where older generations hold bad views is that they see the person of colour as an exception. They don’t really like Black people but you’re not like them. Etc. "

This was us growing up with my Nana. My dad is Black, as soon as mum married him and had us, she lost interest in the lot of us and said some awful things directly to me and my sister when we were growing up.

And my Nana's parents were the "You're not so bad for a coloured fella" kind of folk, again to my dad's face.

We stopped seeing my Nana when we were little and never saw her again.

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By *oggone OP   Man
over a year ago

Derry


"Yes.

But let's leave my parents out of it and say that SOCIETY was much more racist in their day.

This isn't on your parents GC but yes your parents views were probably reflective of society at that time.

You just repeated back to me what i'd just said "

I certainly didn't intend to. You did say your parents were but their society was. My question was would you think them racist by current standards.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think about this often with a mixed daughter but listening to so many accounts from mixed/ bi racial people they talk about experiencing racism from their own family. I can’t imagine growing up with family members that hate people like you or one of your parents.

Another common feature of interracial dating where older generations hold bad views is that they see the person of colour as an exception. They don’t really like Black people but you’re not like them. Etc.

This was us growing up with my Nana. My dad is Black, as soon as mum married him and had us, she lost interest in the lot of us and said some awful things directly to me and my sister when we were growing up.

And my Nana's parents were the "You're not so bad for a coloured fella" kind of folk, again to my dad's face.

We stopped seeing my Nana when we were little and never saw her again. "

That’s rough I’m really sorry I think often in conversations around race mixed experiences are lost and it’s so good to hear about these experiences.

It’s tough but it’s good that you were protected from her though. Similarly, just before my gf fell pregnant she stopped talking to her Nan for her racism amongst other things so my daughter will never know her. Her and her husband were often racist in front of me but said I wasn’t like other black people etc.

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By *oco_marsWoman
over a year ago

Stockport


"I think about this often with a mixed daughter but listening to so many accounts from mixed/ bi racial people they talk about experiencing racism from their own family. I can’t imagine growing up with family members that hate people like you or one of your parents.

Another common feature of interracial dating where older generations hold bad views is that they see the person of colour as an exception. They don’t really like Black people but you’re not like them. Etc.

This was us growing up with my Nana. My dad is Black, as soon as mum married him and had us, she lost interest in the lot of us and said some awful things directly to me and my sister when we were growing up.

And my Nana's parents were the "You're not so bad for a coloured fella" kind of folk, again to my dad's face.

We stopped seeing my Nana when we were little and never saw her again.

That’s rough I’m really sorry I think often in conversations around race mixed experiences are lost and it’s so good to hear about these experiences.

It’s tough but it’s good that you were protected from her though. Similarly, just before my gf fell pregnant she stopped talking to her Nan for her racism amongst other things so my daughter will never know her. Her and her husband were often racist in front of me but said I wasn’t like other black people etc. "

Likewise, I'm glad your gf cut her Nan out for her racism! And I'm sorry you've experienced that too. My son is visibly darker skinned than me and the only racist comments he's experienced so far are from a mixed race classmate, makes me sad for that kid that obviously he's heard that elsewhere to be saying it in school to my son.

I have a LOT of cousins on my horrible Nana's side and I don't even remember their names, I know my mum has 4 or 5 brothers and I only know two of them as the others are like my Nana. My son will never be exposed to them by choice.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

[Removed by poster at 27/06/23 10:13:02]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I know this might upset people but there were plenty of allies in previous generations. People that recognised that racism was wrong and were uplifting and that were supportive of those that experienced racism.

People are a product of their time, yes. But the nuance is that not everyone was racist. And especially not in the face of resistance from oppressed groups to racism.

And like SeductiveSectrets said - what’s the excuse for having those views all your life?

I love my family dearly but I’m not going to pretend their racism to non black people of colour is acceptable or something they shouldn’t have unlearned by now. Especially on the Not unlearning thing, how is racism going to go away If we just say people are a product of their time, they don’t mean harm, they won’t be around forever? Racism is reproduced in time. Otherwise it would’ve died out a long time ago.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross


"I don't really buy into this generation thing. Whatever time it was, people should know better and be better.

It's a very naïve point of view to think that societal norms don't alter as decades become centuries.

But what’s wrong with what was said?

"

Nothing 'wrong' with what was said. I responded because what was said demonstrates a great lack of insight. It's just a finger pointer from a pedestal - moral verbiage that pays no heed to context, how people learn or historical events.

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By * and R cple4Couple
over a year ago

swansea


"I don't really buy into this generation thing. Whatever time it was, people should know better and be better.

It's a very naïve point of view to think that societal norms don't alter as decades become centuries.

But what’s wrong with what was said?

"
It is slightly naive to assume that people should know better .Even some of the most popular tv shows back in the day like rising damp and in sickness and in health were extremely racist and also the very popular at the time figurines and kids teddies were racists.

Kids were growing up watching these and owing these toys then ofc they knew no better it’s only when the next generation comes along and things start to change but it takes some people longer to change .

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Pickle.....

Quote - And like SeductiveSectrets said - what’s the excuse for having those views all your life? Unquote...

This is picking up something irrelevant to what was asked and assuming that people DID hold those views all their life.

No one was asked if their parents held racist views for the entirety of their lives and no one responded to that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I don't really buy into this generation thing. Whatever time it was, people should know better and be better.

It's a very naïve point of view to think that societal norms don't alter as decades become centuries.

But what’s wrong with what was said?

Nothing 'wrong' with what was said. I responded because what was said demonstrates a great lack of insight. It's just a finger pointer from a pedestal - moral verbiage that pays no heed to context, how people learn or historical events. "

Interestingly I think your perspective is pretty naive. And I think it lets people off the hook too easily. Because plenty of people knew better. And plenty of people weren’t racist. Of course not most and not all. But without completely agreeing with what was said I can also acknowledge that in complete context racism was still wrong in previous generations and decades. Whether the norm or not. And the biggest example of resistance to those things were always those experiencing it. Some recognised that and stood as allies. Some didn’t. And it’s fair to ask why were more people not allies? And want a better answer than ‘the times, init’

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Pickle.....

Quote - And like SeductiveSectrets said - what’s the excuse for having those views all your life? Unquote...

This is picking up something irrelevant to what was asked and assuming that people DID hold those views all their life.

No one was asked if their parents held racist views for the entirety of their lives and no one responded to that.

"

Not an assumption from the thread.

And it was something I was referring to because there’s often a feeling that we have to give pass to older people that are racist because they’re a product of their time. I’m not saying that people in this thread have asserted that because I’ve not read all the comments. But thanks, Granny, for that. Appreciated as always.

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By *imi_RougeWoman
over a year ago

Portsmouth

Yes, they still do it. Forever correcting them saying they can't say things like that! They're in their 80s so not much chance of changing their views.

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By *uffymayfairCouple
over a year ago

vera playa, Almeria

[Removed by poster at 27/06/23 10:29:27]

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading


"I think about this often with a mixed daughter but listening to so many accounts from mixed/ bi racial people they talk about experiencing racism from their own family. I can’t imagine growing up with family members that hate people like you or one of your parents.

Another common feature of interracial dating where older generations hold bad views is that they see the person of colour as an exception. They don’t really like Black people but you’re not like them. Etc. "

my sisters mixed race son is absolutely doted.on by the whole family. All the other grandchildren are adults now so its lovely to have a young kid around at Christmas.

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By *ex HolesMan
over a year ago

Up North

Some people really could start an argument in a phonebox

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross


"I don't really buy into this generation thing. Whatever time it was, people should know better and be better.

It's a very naïve point of view to think that societal norms don't alter as decades become centuries.

But what’s wrong with what was said?

Nothing 'wrong' with what was said. I responded because what was said demonstrates a great lack of insight. It's just a finger pointer from a pedestal - moral verbiage that pays no heed to context, how people learn or historical events.

Interestingly I think your perspective is pretty naive. And I think it lets people off the hook too easily. Because plenty of people knew better. And plenty of people weren’t racist. Of course not most and not all. But without completely agreeing with what was said I can also acknowledge that in complete context racism was still wrong in previous generations and decades. Whether the norm or not. And the biggest example of resistance to those things were always those experiencing it. Some recognised that and stood as allies. Some didn’t. And it’s fair to ask why were more people not allies? And want a better answer than ‘the times, init’"

I didn't give my perspective Pickle.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross


"Some people really could start an argument in a phonebox "

Hang up ! you've been in there long enough

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By *ex HolesMan
over a year ago

Up North


"Some people really could start an argument in a phonebox

Hang up ! you've been in there long enough"

You don’t return my calls

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I don't really buy into this generation thing. Whatever time it was, people should know better and be better.

It's a very naïve point of view to think that societal norms don't alter as decades become centuries.

But what’s wrong with what was said?

It is slightly naive to assume that people should know better .Even some of the most popular tv shows back in the day like rising damp and in sickness and in health were extremely racist and also the very popular at the time figurines and kids teddies were racists.

Kids were growing up watching these and owing these toys then ofc they knew no better it’s only when the next generation comes along and things start to change but it takes some people longer to change ."

In those shows the racist character was the butt of the jokes - it seems that too many people who watched didn’t seem to understand that.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross


"Pickle.....

Quote - And like SeductiveSectrets said - what’s the excuse for having those views all your life? Unquote...

This is picking up something irrelevant to what was asked and assuming that people DID hold those views all their life.

No one was asked if their parents held racist views for the entirety of their lives and no one responded to that.

Not an assumption from the thread.

And it was something I was referring to because there’s often a feeling that we have to give pass to older people that are racist because they’re a product of their time. I’m not saying that people in this thread have asserted that because I’ve not read all the comments. But thanks, Granny, for that. Appreciated as always. "

Ah, that is clearer to me. Thank you.

No one should be given a pass due to age. Understanding and time maybe but not a pass.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think that the fact it's still around today shows that people do hold on to these views most their lives. It's taught from somewhere, no one is born racist.

I still stand by what I said I don't give anyone a pass for being old or from a certain generation. Whether it was the time or not, don't justify it, acknowledge it and learn from it. There's no argument to be had here, I think we can all agree that racism in any shape or form has no place in this world. If people continue to accept it rather than call it out, it will never change.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I don't really buy into this generation thing. Whatever time it was, people should know better and be better.

It's a very naïve point of view to think that societal norms don't alter as decades become centuries.

But what’s wrong with what was said?

Nothing 'wrong' with what was said. I responded because what was said demonstrates a great lack of insight. It's just a finger pointer from a pedestal - moral verbiage that pays no heed to context, how people learn or historical events.

Interestingly I think your perspective is pretty naive. And I think it lets people off the hook too easily. Because plenty of people knew better. And plenty of people weren’t racist. Of course not most and not all. But without completely agreeing with what was said I can also acknowledge that in complete context racism was still wrong in previous generations and decades. Whether the norm or not. And the biggest example of resistance to those things were always those experiencing it. Some recognised that and stood as allies. Some didn’t. And it’s fair to ask why were more people not allies? And want a better answer than ‘the times, init’

I didn't give my perspective Pickle.

"

I meant that it’s a naive pov. If it’s not your perspective that it’s a naive pov then fair

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross


"Some people really could start an argument in a phonebox

Hang up ! you've been in there long enough

You don’t return my calls "

Pervy callers never leave numbers !

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By *ovingSussexLifeMan
over a year ago

West Sussex

Mum wasn't. Dad was. Thankfully I was brought up by my mum. We lived in Tooting, which was multicultural even back then, so I didn't even really understand the concept of racism as my best mates were black, and at home we'd eat "ethnic" foods. Mum was a big music fan, and we'd often be listening to soul, reggae etc.

My dad on the other hand was ignorant, and a sad product of his time. The strange thing is, his parents were not racist, so not sure where it came from with him.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

On race, my parents grew up in a super white environment in the main. My experience and what I've heard is that they adjusted to "not that" very quickly and indicating to me minimal racism. (One of my grandparents ramped up racist slurs as their dementia accelerated, but none of us had known them to be like that beforehand - I suspect they knew it was wrong and held it back while still cognitively able to do so)

My parents and I butted heads hard on LGBT issues in the past, to the point that when I was outed as a teenager for being bi, it was a screaming match and I was told that I was straight (I've never addressed it again). I nearly fell over when I found out that both had voted yes in the plebiscite for gay marriage in Australia, and I've found that both have become more queer and trans friendly over time.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Some people really could start an argument in a phonebox "
agreed.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross


"Some people really could start an argument in a phonebox agreed. "

^

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By *eneralKenobiMan
over a year ago

North Angus

Oh yes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes, completely. And the sad thing is it passed down to all of us but thankfully once I was eight or nine I had a feeling it wasn't OK and broke away from it, but sadly, I was the only one and I've had many arguments with family over views they hold when it comes to people of colour, women, LGBT etc.

Some of the views that were pushed on us are too disgusting to even mention and upset me deeply when I think back to things that were normalised in our household.

My siblings aren't as bad as my parents were but some of the things they come out with leave me speechless. I don't know how grown adults can be so needlessly cruel and stupid.

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By *amierebelMan
over a year ago

nae danger.

My mum not so much

My step dad was very much a racist and still is to this day also anti gay don't speak to the dude these days due his views being so far behind

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By *lik and PaulCouple
over a year ago

Flagrante


"I don't always agree with viewing the past with modern views but would you see what your parents believed as being racist by current views?"

No, definitely not.

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By *jorkishMan
over a year ago

Seaforth

I'd say my parents were. I never heard them say derogatory things but they'd repeat what I thought were disgusting tropes, which they thought were funny. However, my mum worked with several black people and got on we'll with them. I found it all very confusing. I still told them what I thought of the tropes tohugh. The story of the silh man above I can relate too. I took my children on a bus and in a loud voice said why has that man got a black face I was shocked and embarrassed because he must have heard. Then I remembered my child had probably never seen a black man before as the area I live in was at the time all white. I explained when I felt calmer

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By *crumdiddlyumptiousMan
over a year ago

.

I don't think so, I was raised in a multicultural area and there where areas you just didn't go into as a kid due to the racism you would get, They're in there late 60s now and sometimes one of them will say something and I will pull them up on it and say you can't say that, Not just a race thing but about society in general, Its defiantly a age thing they're past caring what people think

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By *ansoffateMan
over a year ago

Sagittarius A

As a child, the language used was certainly racist. And racist jokes were commonplace.

I would say in terms of beliefs, no my parents were not racist. Lacking in awareness yes sure. But they welcomed my wife, who was black, as part of the family in the same way I was welcomed by her parents. I was being hit with the broom for pinching jerk chicken off the counter; before it was served, within weeks.

Not everyone did though some 'friends' had to go.

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By *oggone OP   Man
over a year ago

Derry

my mum not in the least.

My dad was antisemetic. When I was young I learnt every jewish slur under the sun. When he was older he boxed clever and tried to say he was anti zionist. But in the years before he died he would argue that hitler had his reasons and the allies should have eased up a little.

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

My Dad, no. Very modern in his thinking for someone of age 84 now, as were his parents. But my Grandma wasn't a white British woman (well, not 100%). My Grandad, born in 1905, enjoyed the jazz coming out of New Orleans, he was listening to "black" music and taking great interest in that scene when it certainly wasn't fashionable to do so.

My Mother is an out and out racist and rabid conspiracy theorist. Her 3rd husband, who I have to live with between the ages of 11-18 was terribly racist (and sexist and many other -ists). Unpleasant people.

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By *eliciousDiva69Woman
over a year ago

Schitts Creek

Both my parents used inappropriate language while I was growing up and I’d always call it out.

In her latter years my mum used to say all the wrong things while trying so hard to get it right. I genuinely don’t believe it was intentional but others may have perceived it as such.

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By *den-Valley-coupleCouple
over a year ago

Cumbria

Massive difference between a bigot and somebody how has a a lack of education and interaction with other beliefs and faiths creating fear.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"Both my parents used inappropriate language while I was growing up and I’d always call it out.

In her latter years my mum used to say all the wrong things while trying so hard to get it right. I genuinely don’t believe it was intentional but others may have perceived it as such. "

I would say generally, now, my parents try to get it right and treat people well. I think that's fair.

My grandparents (except one, not the one who had dementia) - my suspicion is that they abided by "if you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all" on discrimination issues. I never saw anything either way

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By *tephTV67TV/TS
over a year ago

Cheshire

Father homophobic and kicked the shit out of me when he found out about my crossdressing. I was told a few years ago he’s still alive.

My mother really didn’t know about Transvestism but she did try to be supportive. But later on in life she really enjoyed my stories of going out and partying. I think if she’d was a young woman today she’d embrace the alternative community.

Neither racist to a point they’d join a National Front march, but their attitudes were the same as a lot of working class people of the 60’s and 70’s. So they’d use language that not acceptable in today’s society.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think the whole of the town i grew up in was and sadly likely me too, until i started working and was exposed to other cultures and people from different backgrounds and classes.

When i visit home and the city i went to college in, my toes curl a little

Working for a global company really opened my eyes and gave me so many opportunities to work alongside people with different backgrounds to me.. I've been incredibly lucky.

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