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Aggressive profiles.

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By *eliable guy OP   Man
over a year ago

Biggleswade

Having just joined fab again I’ve seen quite a few (normally female) profiles which is just a list of everything you need to do to be blocked by them. Is anyone else completely put off by these sort of profiles?

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By *ommyTighMan
over a year ago

Edinburgh

100%

I kinda understand why but I’m sure they could be written less aggressively

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By *mily36CWoman
over a year ago

Beds (or anywhere beginning with B..!?)

Yep ... high demanding females just so last year

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By *TG3Man
over a year ago

Dorchester


"Having just joined fab again I’ve seen quite a few (normally female) profiles which is just a list of everything you need to do to be blocked by them. Is anyone else completely put off by these sort of profiles? "
Its just their frustration coming out but the guys that send the messages you're referring to in the profile rants don't read profiles anyways

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By *eliable guy OP   Man
over a year ago

Biggleswade


"Having just joined fab again I’ve seen quite a few (normally female) profiles which is just a list of everything you need to do to be blocked by them. Is anyone else completely put off by these sort of profiles? Its just their frustration coming out but the guys that send the messages you're referring to in the profile rants don't read profiles anyways "

Im sure that’s true.

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By *eliable guy OP   Man
over a year ago

Biggleswade


"Yep ... high demanding females just so last year "

I agree.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

They are just worn down by all the bs

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By *eliable guy OP   Man
over a year ago

Biggleswade


"They are just worn down by all the bs"

But could they be missing all the good people out there who are put off by their profile?

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset


"Having just joined fab again I’ve seen quite a few (normally female) profiles which is just a list of everything you need to do to be blocked by them. Is anyone else completely put off by these sort of profiles? "

Nope. If a profile puts things up that we're not then it's a clear indication we're not compatible.

So we block them and move on to so.eone we are.

List, guidelines, preferences....whatever you want to call them. They're a great tool.

People only seem to get angsty about them when they don't meet said criteria of course. Nobody ever complains when these lists actually match them.

A

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By *eliable guy OP   Man
over a year ago

Biggleswade


"Having just joined fab again I’ve seen quite a few (normally female) profiles which is just a list of everything you need to do to be blocked by them. Is anyone else completely put off by these sort of profiles?

Nope. If a profile puts things up that we're not then it's a clear indication we're not compatible.

So we block them and move on to so.eone we are.

List, guidelines, preferences....whatever you want to call them. They're a great tool.

People only seem to get angsty about them when they don't meet said criteria of course. Nobody ever complains when these lists actually match them.

A"

I suppose different people read them differently. I see them as a aggy person I would never want to meet.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some are very aggressive but as a former single lady on fab I can say that honestly most of it is needed. I used to get hundreds of messages a day all ignoring the basic stuff on my profile. After months of the nice profile being ignored I made mine a bit aggressive.

I sometimes think ours is a bit long winded and then I remember it’s that way for a reason

Mrs

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By *uckslut and MCouple
over a year ago

Poole

Some could say ours is aggressive. Ours states, we always have a status or meet up if we're playing. We're just trying to save on the admin, and saying no to constant invites. Just this morning we've had 2, asking when we're next playing? Do we ignore them? As the profile says. Do we write back saying, don't know?

Active couples like ourselves get hounded. You have to be aggresive sometimes. But not many read the profile either.

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By *rincess-PeachWoman
over a year ago

irrelevant

I reckon they are not trying to sell themselves, so putting people off is no problem. I used to have a super aggressive profile but it made no difference I still got messages I did not want. Not everyone on here uses a profile to draw people in I certainly don't. People are on here for different reasons.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

People don't read them so I don't even bother saying what I want.

Seems to work though.

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset


"Having just joined fab again I’ve seen quite a few (normally female) profiles which is just a list of everything you need to do to be blocked by them. Is anyone else completely put off by these sort of profiles?

Nope. If a profile puts things up that we're not then it's a clear indication we're not compatible.

So we block them and move on to so.eone we are.

List, guidelines, preferences....whatever you want to call them. They're a great tool.

People only seem to get angsty about them when they don't meet said criteria of course. Nobody ever complains when these lists actually match them.

A

I suppose different people read them differently. I see them as a aggy person I would never want to meet. "

Then the profile has served its purpose.

They're not 'missing out' on meeting anyone. They're being specific about who they want to meet.

A

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have seen profiles that list a lot of "don't want this, don't want that", which is fine, it's their profile to write as they choose.

But I agree that too many negative phrases in a profile is offputting, even if you get past that and are compatible.

Too much negative wording in a profile suggests a negative person.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I could quite easily write one myself like that. And actually mine is a bit ranty at present due to flakey men and being messed about and deliberately done to put people off trying. I completely understand why women get so fed up and end up spelling it out on what they don't want!

Doesn't work though if I'm honest.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Having just joined fab again I’ve seen quite a few (normally female) profiles which is just a list of everything you need to do to be blocked by them. Is anyone else completely put off by these sort of profiles? "

That’s kinda the point

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yep.

I'd much rather people say what they are looking for rather than what they aren't.

Mind you, I can understand why someone might do this if they've been baraged with messages from people who haven't bothered to actually read their profile, but taking this approach won't make much difference, but will put off a lot of people who do match what they're looking for because of the vibe they're giving off

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By *eliable guy OP   Man
over a year ago

Biggleswade


"I have seen profiles that list a lot of "don't want this, don't want that", which is fine, it's their profile to write as they choose.

But I agree that too many negative phrases in a profile is offputting, even if you get past that and are compatible.

Too much negative wording in a profile suggests a negative person. "

I agree. A genuine person that is interested in you will read your profile, why would you not. Non genuine people never read a profile so for this reason an aggressive profile is only putting the genuine people off. It’s a lose lose situation.

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By *eliable guy OP   Man
over a year ago

Biggleswade


"I could quite easily write one myself like that. And actually mine is a bit ranty at present due to flakey men and being messed about and deliberately done to put people off trying. I completely understand why women get so fed up and end up spelling it out on what they don't want!

Doesn't work though if I'm honest.

"

It doesn’t work because only genuine people read a profile.

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By *rFoxAndXenoCouple
over a year ago

Weymouth

I've tried to rewrite ours to be as placid as possible, whilst still including all the bits I think are important!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m not turned off by the fact their profiles are a long list of things that will get you blocked or ignored by them. But I don’t ever message them because they usually are looking for things I’m not.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I’m not turned off by the fact their profiles are a long list of things that will get you blocked or ignored by them. But I don’t ever message them because they usually are looking for things I’m not. "

I wouldn’t call them aggressive though

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By *eliable guy OP   Man
over a year ago

Biggleswade


"I've tried to rewrite ours to be as placid as possible, whilst still including all the bits I think are important! "

That’s definitely the way to go.

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset


"I have seen profiles that list a lot of "don't want this, don't want that", which is fine, it's their profile to write as they choose.

But I agree that too many negative phrases in a profile is offputting, even if you get past that and are compatible.

Too much negative wording in a profile suggests a negative person.

I agree. A genuine person that is interested in you will read your profile, why would you not. Non genuine people never read a profile so for this reason an aggressive profile is only putting the genuine people off. It’s a lose lose situation. "

You keep saying 'aggressive'.

In 15 years on here I've seen very few profiles I'd describe as aggressive in any way, but I've seen a lot of forum threads (mainly from men) describing profiles as such.

A list describing what people want or don't want isn't aggressive.

The use of the word 'no' in the context of them not wanting a particular activity or physical trait isn't aggressive.

If someone writes that they want tall guys only, black guys only, VWE only, guys under 40 only, local people only and adds on no bi guys, no married men, nobody with a public cock shot....guess what. Still not aggressive.

Why are some people so offended when they don't meet someone's preferences?

Saves everyone time and effort and means you won't be tempted to message them only to be ignored or rejected later because you're not what they're looking for.

Focus on those whose profiles you like and where you (potentially) match what they're looking for, rather than worry about those that put you off and who you don't.

It's their profile. Not yours. I doubt they give a single shit if people are put off by them and consider it simply 'job done'.

A

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By *r SproutMan
over a year ago

the middle

This response can be used to answer a number of questions asked on these forums.

It’s a good filter

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By *anted by NightMan
over a year ago

Shangri-La


"I have seen profiles that list a lot of "don't want this, don't want that", which is fine, it's their profile to write as they choose.

But I agree that too many negative phrases in a profile is offputting, even if you get past that and are compatible.

Too much negative wording in a profile suggests a negative person. "

This

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

100% agree , some of them are like , 10 inches plus, own a house worth more than 500k , have a six pack you can grate cheese off , duck feathered pillow case and duvet, silk sheets and pony and drop me home back to my top floor flat in Beirut in your Aston Martin, do not apply if you can't read and offer these things (no offense if anyone has a top floor flat in beirut)

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

If you don't like it then they aren't for you it's a great tool to see compatibility.

Women get hounded on here and not always in a positive way so I totally get it, however negative profiles aren't for me so we just skip them.

Everyone should have on their profile what they feel they need.

Mrs

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By *rFoxAndXenoCouple
over a year ago

Weymouth


"100% agree , some of them are like , 10 inches plus, own a house worth more than 500k , have a six pack you can grate cheese off , duck feathered pillow case and duvet, silk sheets and pony and drop me home back to my top floor flat in Beirut in your Aston Martin, do not apply if you can't read and offer these things (no offense if anyone has a top floor flat in beirut) "

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By *aui.Man
over a year ago

around here

There are some aggressive ones yeah, I tend to avoid them if I'm honest.

I broke this rule recently though and was chatting with someone. The conversation was fairly brief though as they were equally as aggressive in person.

I was trying to get to know them and asking a few questions (because that's what you do right). Basically anything I asked about them I got the response of

"It says that on my profile if you'd bothered to read it"

Urm, no it doesn't. Your profile is just a list of things you don't like. I suggest you read it yourself, you self-righteous arsehole.

I just don't have the patience for people who think they are superior for any reason.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Might just change my profile text to "what the fuck are you looking at?"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I could quite easily write one myself like that. And actually mine is a bit ranty at present due to flakey men and being messed about and deliberately done to put people off trying. I completely understand why women get so fed up and end up spelling it out on what they don't want!

Doesn't work though if I'm honest.

It doesn’t work because only genuine people read a profile. "

Sorry but I disagree with that statement.

My previous bio was read by many. The messages reflected the fact. And I was let down by people who had clearly read it.

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By *oggoneMan
over a year ago

Derry


"I have seen profiles that list a lot of "don't want this, don't want that", which is fine, it's their profile to write as they choose.

But I agree that too many negative phrases in a profile is offputting, even if you get past that and are compatible.

Too much negative wording in a profile suggests a negative person.

I agree. A genuine person that is interested in you will read your profile, why would you not. Non genuine people never read a profile so for this reason an aggressive profile is only putting the genuine people off. It’s a lose lose situation.

You keep saying 'aggressive'.

In 15 years on here I've seen very few profiles I'd describe as aggressive in any way, but I've seen a lot of forum threads (mainly from men) describing profiles as such.

A list describing what people want or don't want isn't aggressive.

The use of the word 'no' in the context of them not wanting a particular activity or physical trait isn't aggressive.

If someone writes that they want tall guys only, black guys only, VWE only, guys under 40 only, local people only and adds on no bi guys, no married men, nobody with a public cock shot....guess what. Still not aggressive.

Why are some people so offended when they don't meet someone's preferences?

Saves everyone time and effort and means you won't be tempted to message them only to be ignored or rejected later because you're not what they're looking for.

Focus on those whose profiles you like and where you (potentially) match what they're looking for, rather than worry about those that put you off and who you don't.

It's their profile. Not yours. I doubt they give a single shit if people are put off by them and consider it simply 'job done'.

A

"

Maybe it's more the how than what they say. I wouldn't use the word aggressive but some profiles read like a job description. Essential criteria, desirable criteria, physical attributes....

Send a face pic with your first message or it won't be read. Again not aggressive but certainly entitled and not very appealing. And this is the fault of men? Sure I'll read the profile but I've already thought that's a no from me.

Of course another option would be to use their filters and do the contacting themselves.

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By *iscean_dreamMan
over a year ago

Llanelli

It's usually a list of things I wouldn't do anyway so no it doesn't put me off

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By *ldgeezermeMan
over a year ago

Newcastle


"I could quite easily write one myself like that. And actually mine is a bit ranty at present due to flakey men and being messed about and deliberately done to put people off trying. I completely understand why women get so fed up and end up spelling it out on what they don't want!

Doesn't work though if I'm honest.

It doesn’t work because only genuine people read a profile. "

What evidence do you have for that

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By *irty-pairCouple
over a year ago

South Essex


"Having just joined fab again I’ve seen quite a few (normally female) profiles which is just a list of everything you need to do to be blocked by them. Is anyone else completely put off by these sort of profiles? "

Suspect this is largely out of frustration. We (hopefully) make it clear what we’re are and aren’t looking for in a positive way, but it rarely makes much of a difference. However, as in real life, we try to be as approachable as possible.

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By *mily36CWoman
over a year ago

Beds (or anywhere beginning with B..!?)


"I suppose different people read them differently. I see them as a aggy person I would never want to meet. "

Then you've found your Fab bonus filter and can move on to the next

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset


"I have seen profiles that list a lot of "don't want this, don't want that", which is fine, it's their profile to write as they choose.

But I agree that too many negative phrases in a profile is offputting, even if you get past that and are compatible.

Too much negative wording in a profile suggests a negative person.

I agree. A genuine person that is interested in you will read your profile, why would you not. Non genuine people never read a profile so for this reason an aggressive profile is only putting the genuine people off. It’s a lose lose situation.

You keep saying 'aggressive'.

In 15 years on here I've seen very few profiles I'd describe as aggressive in any way, but I've seen a lot of forum threads (mainly from men) describing profiles as such.

A list describing what people want or don't want isn't aggressive.

The use of the word 'no' in the context of them not wanting a particular activity or physical trait isn't aggressive.

If someone writes that they want tall guys only, black guys only, VWE only, guys under 40 only, local people only and adds on no bi guys, no married men, nobody with a public cock shot....guess what. Still not aggressive.

Why are some people so offended when they don't meet someone's preferences?

Saves everyone time and effort and means you won't be tempted to message them only to be ignored or rejected later because you're not what they're looking for.

Focus on those whose profiles you like and where you (potentially) match what they're looking for, rather than worry about those that put you off and who you don't.

It's their profile. Not yours. I doubt they give a single shit if people are put off by them and consider it simply 'job done'.

A

Maybe it's more the how than what they say. I wouldn't use the word aggressive but some profiles read like a job description. Essential criteria, desirable criteria, physical attributes....

Send a face pic with your first message or it won't be read. Again not aggressive but certainly entitled and not very appealing. And this is the fault of men? Sure I'll read the profile but I've already thought that's a no from me.

Of course another option would be to use their filters and do the contacting themselves."

Yep. It's all semantics.

People shout 'aggessive' generally when they're excluded. If they actually met the criteria someone listed, then odds are they'd feel differently.

And this isn't just a 'female' thing. Anyone can and should be clear about what they want and who they're looking to meet.

People throw words around as if they're some kind of guarantee or cast in stone. 'Genuine', 'reliable', 'professional'. They're just words, much like 'aggressive'.

Some people are blunt and to the point. And that's no bad thing. Others aren't and that can create many problems, much like those with little to no details on preferences, stated age ranges of 18-99 and those that come across as keeping all options open so as to not exclude anyone and reduce the odds of getting a meet at all.

I like your use of 'job description' actually. A fab profile is effectively both a public CV and a mini job description of what any applicant would or could be asked to do (or of course not do). That's basically what the 'looking for' and interests sections are about.

Being more detailed (not agressive) about who you want shouldn't be a negative. Being clear on preferences, tastes and boundaries shouldn't either.

It takes no more than a couple of minutes to read even the longest profile. If more did then maybe there'd be less threads started about messages being ignored, getting no replies, struggling to find meets and definitely less complaining about what others choose to include on their profiles.

We have a polite request for people not to message us asking to meet unless we're obviously looking at that time. It's at the start of our profile. Yet every week we get messages asking to meet tonight, tomorrow or this weekend.

They all get deleted and the senders blocked, even if they were people that if browsing ourselves we may well have messaged.

Because if they can't be arse to read the profile and respect what we've written, then quite frankly fuck em.

Or not, as it turns out.

A

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By *eliable guy OP   Man
over a year ago

Biggleswade

Thanks everyone. Really interesting hearing the different opinions.

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By *iss.ddWoman
over a year ago

Leeds + Newcastle

It's not aggression, it's self preservation.

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

I've no issue with angry demanding profiles because they are a good filter.

I've more of an issue with demanding messages.

I'm all for people having preferences but sending an introductory message with instructions of hoops to be jumped through or the specific angle they require me to bend over backwards because they are who they are is something else entirely.

Well at least I think they are because when I refuse they ask do I not know who they are and how long they have been on here?

Maybe they are having a goldfish moment and aren't really sure themselves?

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By *rincess-PeachWoman
over a year ago

irrelevant

It really is not a lose lose situation at all. I cannot speak for everyone but if I want to find a guy I will look for one myself the fact that my profile would put off potential "nice guys" does not mean I've lost out in any way. I don't use my profile to sell myself I suspect "aggressive " profile people are the same

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Having just joined fab again I’ve seen quite a few (normally female) profiles which is just a list of everything you need to do to be blocked by them. Is anyone else completely put off by these sort of profiles? "

If you're put off, probably mission accomplished on their part.

Smile, nod, move on.

I don't understand the need to impress everyone and like everyone.

That's impossible and a waste of time.

Focus on the few, not the many.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can understand their frustration, though it can put off those they may be seeking.

There are other ways, express clearly what they are seeking, maybe begin the first line of the profile stating they're often inundated and will reply only to those that catch your, attention, add that an eye catching profile and message stands a better chance.

Then go on to express what you do seek.

We're aware that many do not read profiles, although we've managed to cut that amount down to a minimum with the way we manage our profile, at the moment as we're unavailable.

And without over using filters, which is another way to make things more manageable here.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"They are just worn down by all the bs"

Yup. I've been there.

Maybe if I just put X in my profile I'll get less of those messages. Maybe if I put Y in there...

You end up with a negative list. Because there's so much BS. (I'm talking particularly about people who are new)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

Focus on the few, not the many."

Flashbacks

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By *ex HolesMan
over a year ago

Up North

Nothing worse than a needy woman

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By *d4fun73Man
over a year ago

Shipley

Couples are often worse . Especially when they you must be verified but they are not!

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By *winging Sally SeanCouple
over a year ago

Warks / Northants Border

Over the years, we've tried to make the text on our various profiles as open and engaging as possible. For the most part, we've been successful.

At the start of 2021 though, there seemed to be a slight shift in the attitudes of others. The messages seem to become more 'aggressive'...

At the time, we needed to make our profile a little more direct - which didn't really reflect us. Maybe this is why there's an increase in such profiles?

Slowly we are shifting back again. Our next write up (probably in a few weeks) will hopefully have the humour and entertainment we normally like to use. Many profiles aren't updated for years though - so an aggressive profile, may stay like that for a while.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"Over the years, we've tried to make the text on our various profiles as open and engaging as possible. For the most part, we've been successful.

At the start of 2021 though, there seemed to be a slight shift in the attitudes of others. The messages seem to become more 'aggressive'...

At the time, we needed to make our profile a little more direct - which didn't really reflect us. Maybe this is why there's an increase in such profiles?

Slowly we are shifting back again. Our next write up (probably in a few weeks) will hopefully have the humour and entertainment we normally like to use. Many profiles aren't updated for years though - so an aggressive profile, may stay like that for a while. "

My aggressive profile era was 2018 mostly, when I first joined. Although I set my filters to "pandemic, fuck off" in April 2020 and haven't reduced them yet, so I have no first hand knowledge of a change in messages since then

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

Focus on the few, not the many.

Flashbacks "

Tell me more.

As I've no idea what you're on about lol.

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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago

Calderdale innit

Mine is v quite long and is a good filter in that it puts off the people I want it to (mostly).

People tend to get a bit antsy when they're tired of some of the crap they get on here.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Yep. It's all semantics.

People shout 'aggessive' generally when they're excluded. If they actually met the criteria someone listed, then odds are they'd feel differently.

"

Except it’s not. I’ve observed the “aggressive” type of profile recently so can understand the point the OP is making. For me, a list of no this, no that isn’t aggressive, and having worked in sales I understand that someone will have a much clearer idea of what they don’t want rather than what they do want.

But Symantec’s do come into it. It is possible to express the same thought in a multitude of ways. What’s the saying? A diplomat is someone who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you look forward to the journey. Some profiles get very shouty, and their thoughts are expressed in an aggressive manner.

I firmly believe that everyone is free to run their fab profile in whatever manner suits them, and how they present themselves through their profile is a hidden filter, an Easter egg if you like, and I’m sure I’m not the only one who uses that in conjunction with the ultimate filter… the block button.

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

be grateful as they are telling you who they are upfront so just pass on by.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I feel like my bio isn't ‘aggressive’ enough.

People will be people though, so as much as there are a few conscientious people on here, most just see pictures and think i’ll message anyway.

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By *innerforthreeMan
over a year ago

London/herts

But does having a long list of requirements/no no's make a blind bit of difference?!

I imagine their in box is still full.

And all of us guys think we are special given our mum's told us so from an early age ...so we think we are immune from others requirements....!

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By *oggoneMan
over a year ago

Derry


"I feel like my bio isn't ‘aggressive’ enough.

People will be people though, so as much as there are a few conscientious people on here, most just see pictures and think i’ll message anyway. "

This is true, if they have a spray n pray approach then nothing will deter them.

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By *ex HolesMan
over a year ago

Up North

Who the F actually reads profiles anyway?

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By *o new WinksMan
over a year ago

BSE


"I feel like my bio isn't ‘aggressive’ enough.

People will be people though, so as much as there are a few conscientious people on here, most just see pictures and think i’ll message anyway. "

Your bio is polite.

As you point out, you'll get messages from those who dont read it anyway, so it's a good thing that those, polite enough to read it, should see the real you.

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By *o new WinksMan
over a year ago

BSE

As a follow on, I don't understand ladies (and some couples) who complain about their inbox being full of dross, yet don't use the message filters.

If a lady blocks all men her admin gets way less stressful. This allows time to use Fab as a search tool for guys who do fit their criteria.

A wink may get a reply. If not, nothing lost...especially time or faith in men.

I have men blocked because I am straight, but if I were bi I'd do just this.

The sea is a lit less scary when you're not standing in the breakers, trying to stay above water. I'd rather be sat on a surf board, picking the waves that look good, than being forced to swallow a gallon of brine.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I feel like my bio isn't ‘aggressive’ enough.

People will be people though, so as much as there are a few conscientious people on here, most just see pictures and think i’ll message anyway.

Your bio is polite.

As you point out, you'll get messages from those who dont read it anyway, so it's a good thing that those, polite enough to read it, should see the real you. "

Exactly that, the frustration seems to be towards those that pay no attention to their bio, and so it won't reach them anyway, but it will reach the ones they may be hoping to attract, the attentive, considerate bio readers, and such a profile may well turn them away.

It's really quite counter productive.

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By *oggoneMan
over a year ago

Derry


"As a follow on, I don't understand ladies (and some couples) who complain about their inbox being full of dross, yet don't use the message filters.

If a lady blocks all men her admin gets way less stressful. This allows time to use Fab as a search tool for guys who do fit their criteria.

A wink may get a reply. If not, nothing lost...especially time or faith in men.

I have men blocked because I am straight, but if I were bi I'd do just this.

The sea is a lit less scary when you're not standing in the breakers, trying to stay above water. I'd rather be sat on a surf board, picking the waves that look good, than being forced to swallow a gallon of brine.

"

You raise some things I've thought myself about the non use of filters. I can think of a few possible reasons. One is confirmation bias. Another might be called traditionalism. Finally using the filters reverses the onus. It's more preferable to be inundated with unsuitable candidates that selecting potential candidates.

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By *o new WinksMan
over a year ago

BSE


"As a follow on, I don't understand ladies (and some couples) who complain about their inbox being full of dross, yet don't use the message filters.

If a lady blocks all men her admin gets way less stressful. This allows time to use Fab as a search tool for guys who do fit their criteria.

A wink may get a reply. If not, nothing lost...especially time or faith in men.

I have men blocked because I am straight, but if I were bi I'd do just this.

The sea is a lit less scary when you're not standing in the breakers, trying to stay above water. I'd rather be sat on a surf board, picking the waves that look good, than being forced to swallow a gallon of brine.

You raise some things I've thought myself about the non use of filters. I can think of a few possible reasons. One is confirmation bias. Another might be called traditionalism. Finally using the filters reverses the onus. It's more preferable to be inundated with unsuitable candidates that selecting potential candidates. "

All highly probable motivations.

But then don't winge about the messages you do get.

Also, anyone here think a woman who winked 10 guys on here wouldn't get 8 replies ?

That's enough confirmation bias for anyone.

However, they might then have to do something about it, which is onerous in itself.

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By *oggoneMan
over a year ago

Derry


"As a follow on, I don't understand ladies (and some couples) who complain about their inbox being full of dross, yet don't use the message filters.

If a lady blocks all men her admin gets way less stressful. This allows time to use Fab as a search tool for guys who do fit their criteria.

A wink may get a reply. If not, nothing lost...especially time or faith in men.

I have men blocked because I am straight, but if I were bi I'd do just this.

The sea is a lit less scary when you're not standing in the breakers, trying to stay above water. I'd rather be sat on a surf board, picking the waves that look good, than being forced to swallow a gallon of brine.

You raise some things I've thought myself about the non use of filters. I can think of a few possible reasons. One is confirmation bias. Another might be called traditionalism. Finally using the filters reverses the onus. It's more preferable to be inundated with unsuitable candidates that selecting potential candidates.

All highly probable motivations.

But then don't winge about the messages you do get.

Also, anyone here think a woman who winked 10 guys on here wouldn't get 8 replies ?

That's enough confirmation bias for anyone.

However, they might then have to do something about it, which is onerous in itself.

"

And another deterrent to a proactive approach has to be the fear of rejection.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"As a follow on, I don't understand ladies (and some couples) who complain about their inbox being full of dross, yet don't use the message filters.

If a lady blocks all men her admin gets way less stressful. This allows time to use Fab as a search tool for guys who do fit their criteria.

A wink may get a reply. If not, nothing lost...especially time or faith in men.

I have men blocked because I am straight, but if I were bi I'd do just this.

The sea is a lit less scary when you're not standing in the breakers, trying to stay above water. I'd rather be sat on a surf board, picking the waves that look good, than being forced to swallow a gallon of brine.

You raise some things I've thought myself about the non use of filters. I can think of a few possible reasons. One is confirmation bias. Another might be called traditionalism. Finally using the filters reverses the onus. It's more preferable to be inundated with unsuitable candidates that selecting potential candidates. "

The only filters we tend to use, is the newbies and no photos on profile.

The reason, because we like to be inclusive (my perspective here), in that we've received messages via the forum discussions, some have been quite personal.

I think viewpoint is important, I don't take offence or get ate up at messages, and will reply to most, I'd like to say all, but sometimes that's not the case.

I can nip a conversation in the bud easy and politely enough.

In addition, I looked the other day after another forum post about how many blocked, we have 16 blocked, though could have been more, as I'm sure some will have left the site.

The way we're using our profile at the moment had minimised messages, so this helps.

I think, in short, I've clearly more patience in our inbox than in the forums.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't understand whats wrong with writing on your profile what your looking for and what your not.

If men got as many messages as women and couples do, where you didn't have time to read them. Wouldn't you do something to make sure the messages were from people who maybe compatible. Instead of reading the many incompatible ones.

I have written my profile with preferences on mines but still get people messaging who are incompatible with me. If me has a dresser has to do this to restrict messages, then the woman and couples will be getting many many fold more.

Its seems some guys are either moaning about not getting replies to a message or attacking profiles from stating preferences that would save them sending the message in the first place.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"They are just worn down by all the bs

But could they be missing all the good people out there who are put off by their profile? "

Quite possibly... But more likely they are actively reaching out to people who match their interests and who are of interest to them. Look at the imbalance of male vs female... There is no way you could possibly interact with the whole site

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would say mine could be seen as aggressive

I am the least aggressive person I know

I am just tired of being asked about a handful of recurring scenarios - scenarios that I am just not into

So, as unfriendly as it sounds to some, it works for me

It severely reduces the amount of messages from (invariably) guys asking me about stuff I have no interest in

I would sooner have no messages than hundreds from guys interested in things I'm just not into

I guess women feel this more acutely than I do so I get where they come from

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By *an1978Woman
over a year ago

GONE/TIMEOUT (No DMs please)

Unless you've experienced what it is like to have a female/woman account, then I guess it is hard to explain the bombardment of messages and the way male/men people treat us.

It does grind you down, and we do get frustrated.

I've tried to make mine sound less grumpy, I don't state any preferences/block reasons, but if I did and it out people off, then that is a good things, as we are not compatible.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

You raise some things I've thought myself about the non use of filters. I can think of a few possible reasons. One is confirmation bias. Another might be called traditionalism. Finally using the filters reverses the onus. It's more preferable to be inundated with unsuitable candidates that selecting potential candidates. "

Why is it more preferable to reverse the onus? Why on earth would it be more preferable to sift through a raft of messages in the hope of finding someone who seems compatible?

And confirmation bias - please elaborate.

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