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Something to ponder. Personal safety

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I won't beat around the Bush. I've received a call from a school friends daughter to say my friend has passed. I offered my condolences and we talked as I've known her from birth. She talked of her partner and how he's her rock from 'what happened' and I said I didn't know what she meant.

She told me before they met she was on a 'site' and had socials. She agreed to a social with a fella, all was OK, they parted ways. But he followed her in the car park and attacked her in the stairwell. She fought and set off her PA (her mum was a community carer like me) and it was loud and echoed that people were alerted and he did a runner. She spent time in recovery and her partner works at the hospital and he 'waited for her to be ready for fancying him as they clicked' he is a good'en.

I've sat all day thinking do you really consider your personal safety? Or at least have it in the back of your mind ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yep i never leave the house without my PA, mask and enough food and water to last a week just incase i get stranded in snow.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I know my personal safety is different and the privilege of being a man that doesn’t sleep with men largely protects me from this threat.

Generally I consider my safety for many other reasons. Particularly based on what I might be wearing, where I might be etc. A family member of mine was really badly assaulted one night and it scared us all. I think often about it for other reasons when I’m a long way from home too.

Solidarity to all

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By *eroLondonMan
over a year ago

Covent Garden


"Yep i never leave the house without my PA, mask and enough food and water to last a week just incase i get stranded in snow."

•

I think the OP was being serious.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I take it seriously. Someone always knows where I am and I check in to let them know I’m okay. I’m more than happy to be anyone’s safety net too

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By *hePerkyPumpkinTV/TS
over a year ago

Bristol

I do think about my personal safety.

I don't take many actions to keep myself safe though.

Being a man means I have much less to worry about.

My biggest concern is getting mugged/stabbed in the streets...

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

As someone who was physically attacked by a woman on my very first fab meet I'm well aware of personal safety issues.

I didn't feel threatened or in any immediate danger on that occasion but the nature of it and the possible consequences had a lasting effect on me.

I have ended conversations with well verified women who insist on only meeting in their own home.

If they give such little thought to inviting me as a complete stranger into their home they aren't people I want any further engagement with.

I don't meet without at least one social and only after chatting for a number of weeks or even months.

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By *ittlemissTinselTitsCouple
over a year ago

Southampton

Oh bloody hell that's awful... certainly makes me think more about my personal safety... hugs op

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That's really horrible to read.so awful she suffered that.

I have a safety person for fab socials. They'll know who I'm meeting, the profile name and the location. Usually they ring me and I come off the phone when I meet said person and a few mins in they call me again to check I'm ok. Which also gives me a get out if I need it. She's bloody awesome. But this can also be one of a few friends I have and can sometimes mean two being safety people and covering for another.

It's a good think for women on here, and guys, to have a network or group for these reasons.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For people with back up call/ text friends, have an unusual check in reply.

Not "I'm doing ok" - as someone could make you say that.

Needs to be something prearranged and odd.

Like "it's really crap, the salmon is off and they have no ice cream!"

If you say you are ok your friend will know there is something wrong.

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By *opetop4UMan
over a year ago

Aberdeen

When I look back on my first fab meet it was outrageous.

I'd just come out of a 22 year marriage, built a home made St. Andrews cross and my playmate came round to be tied to it.

We hadn't had a social meet beforehand.

I would never do such a thing again.

We did date for 17 months after that!

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By *ittle Miss BipolarWoman
over a year ago

Up My Own Arse Apparently

Yes. I'm often alone with people in their homes due to my work so try to be vigilant at all times. It spills over into other areas of my life.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When I used to do more kink meetsi would have a safe call in play with a trusty friend, who knew where and when the meet was and roughly what time it was over.

Have found many on fab are not willing to do such a thing so have to go more on gut feeling. Maybe I have just been fortunate so far or a good judge of character

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

[Removed by poster at 21/06/23 17:30:45]

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

Almost exactly the same thing happened to me as to your friend last summer.

Except I'd only gone to meet the person for coffee because I believed it was someone I actually know. Didn't occur to me at the time that a random stranger might have pretended to be someone I know just to get me to meet them for coffee.

He assaulted me at my car.

I am very, very wary about meeting anyone at all now, and I only have socials anyway. I'm very clear that at no point will there be any sex. Just coffee. And I'll never meet anyone local again.

And someone I know and trust always knows where I am and who I'm with... and we have an unsafe phrase. Unfortunately it doesn't always help.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The thing is, this type of person doesnt exist solely online.

Also, the men saying they dont face the same risks...this happened a while ago but it's still relevant today.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2119203/Swinging-couple-sprayed-bear-repellent-face-man-sex-session-went-wrong-spared-prison.html?ito=native_share_article-top

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West


"Almost exactly the same thing happened to me as to your friend last summer.

Except I'd only gone to meet the person for coffee because I believed it was someone I actually know. Didn't occur to me at the time that a random stranger might have pretended to be someone I know just to get me to meet them for coffee.

He assaulted me at my car.

I am very, very wary about meeting anyone at all now, and I only have socials anyway. I'm very clear that at no point will there be any sex. Just coffee. And I'll never meet anyone local again.

And someone I know and trust always knows where I am and who I'm with... and we have an unsafe phrase. Unfortunately it doesn't always help."

Frikkin' hell, Posh. Always here to be your safety person if you want, btw.

It's a bit easier when we're a couple and generally speaking, for the first meeting, we go together. If I meeting anyone alone first time, it's always social and always in a very public place. I don't share my whereabouts before/after and don't ask to be helped/accompanied for any reason. I wouldn't share a taxi or similar either, even with separate drop offs.

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By *ehindHerEyesCouple
over a year ago

SomewhereOnlyWeKnow

I take my personal safety and that if Tinders very seriously.

When I was single the thoughts would often go through my head what if this was a set up to be mugged or even worse.

One the big red flags was arranging socials and last minute change of venue to somewhere I didn’t know and wasn’t comfortable with.

It is easy to bait men into situations by using a female profile or even a female themselves and men do need to be aware that it happens even if it is reported. Many will play on the fact you might be too embarrassed to report.

Marc

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By *e renard de la campagneMan
over a year ago

Surrey mostly when over


"I won't beat around the Bush. I've received a call from a school friends daughter to say my friend has passed. I offered my condolences and we talked as I've known her from birth. She talked of her partner and how he's her rock from 'what happened' and I said I didn't know what she meant.

She told me before they met she was on a 'site' and had socials. She agreed to a social with a fella, all was OK, they parted ways. But he followed her in the car park and attacked her in the stairwell. She fought and set off her PA (her mum was a community carer like me) and it was loud and echoed that people were alerted and he did a runner. She spent time in recovery and her partner works at the hospital and he 'waited for her to be ready for fancying him as they clicked' he is a good'en.

I've sat all day thinking do you really consider your personal safety? Or at least have it in the back of your mind ?"

So sorry for you loss OP xx

It certainly makes one think and puts ones grumbles and quibbles into perspective xx

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By *lueFireCouple
over a year ago

just somewhere around here


"Yep i never leave the house without my PA, mask and enough food and water to last a week just incase i get stranded in snow."

Not the place for a stupid comment like that

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By *arkus1812Man
over a year ago

Lifes departure lounge NN9 Northamptonshire East not West MidlandsMidlands

Most people of my age have concern about personal safety when out and about, local to me there have been assaults on old people out in streets and also in supermarket car parks in broad daylight. For the first time in my life I am dreading the dark evenings which Winter brings,

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By *heGateKeeperMan
over a year ago

Stratford


"I know my personal safety is different and the privilege of being a man that doesn’t sleep with men largely protects me from this threat.

Generally I consider my safety for many other reasons. Particularly based on what I might be wearing, where I might be etc. A family member of mine was really badly assaulted one night and it scared us all. I think often about it for other reasons when I’m a long way from home too.

Solidarity to all "

Exactly this.

For these reasons I generally only do group socials that are based in city centres and easily accessible to large public stations to avoid the inevitable ‘where you from blud’ interactions when you stray offside

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West


"Most people of my age have concern about personal safety when out and about, local to me there have been assaults on old people out in streets and also in supermarket car parks in broad daylight. For the first time in my life I am dreading the dark evenings which Winter brings, "

Tarkus, I worry about my Dad, who is the same sort of age as you. He also has dementia on top of being in his 80s...... I hope you stay safe, my friend.

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By *ohndom2023Man
over a year ago

Hastings/Greenwich


"For people with back up call/ text friends, have an unusual check in reply.

Not "I'm doing ok" - as someone could make you say that.

Needs to be something prearranged and odd.

Like "it's really crap, the salmon is off and they have no ice cream!"

If you say you are ok your friend will know there is something wrong. "

Great advice.

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By *ristinapinkWoman
over a year ago

Staines-upon-Thames

That’s why I started meeting at clubs only, always with a friend

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By *ittle Miss TinkerbellWoman
over a year ago

your head

I'm so sorry for your loss .

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By *ittle Miss TinkerbellWoman
over a year ago

your head

I use a safety person or two usually. One is generally my partner and the other a close, trusted friend. They get names, locations, profile name etc I'll get a check in call or send a check in text every now and then.

I also get taxis to and from or get a lift, meet in public places and don't give out personal information.

Unfortunately none of this makes us 100% safe but it's something.

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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in Co. Down

I had a social on here a long time ago and when we went back to the cars we had a kiss,he seems like a nice enough guy and then he decided he wanted more and got a bit rough with me. I managed to get him away from me and yelled at him wtf did he think he was doing. He then apologised and said as I was on fab he reckoned I'd be up for it. I did almost leave fab over it and when I got home and went to report him he had left the site. He may be back again who knows.

I'm not doing new meets at present. But since then I no longer went to my car with someone. I always park in as public a place as I can and I let them leave first and wait for a while before I would go to my car even if it meant just popping into a shop or something. And also I would check the rear view mirror on the way home to make sure I wasn't followed as a friend was followed home after a social one day so it's better to be safe than sorry in my mind. It's sad that people have to take such precautions but it happens.

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By *he Silver FuxMan
over a year ago

Uttoxeter

I had to have personal security training for work before heading out to some dodgy places - there was a lot of situational awareness, recognising potential and emerging vulnerability. Emphasis on assessing things before setting out and leaving if not safe and not ending up to having to use personal protection.

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By *ndycoinsMan
over a year ago

Whaley Bridge,Nr Buxton,

Always aware because of the job.have a plan in mind what I would do in the most likely scenarios so I can react without thinking,that split second makes the difference,such a rapid reaction can put offyour attacker,they want an easy,soft target not someone with a plan.Most important is not to be scared(stand up straight,look them in the eyes) otherwise you are at an instant disadvantage.If it gets physical,remember there are no rules,no judges/referees/umpires.Fight ugly if you have to,don't be afraid to hurt someone.Dont worry about the cops.whats your attacker going to do?complain to the cops you hurt them when they were attacking you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I carry a metal hair clip that if i had the presence of mind and was able to, would berepeatedly aimed at the throat +groin area.. I say repeatedly because that's what females tend to do

In reality I'd likely scream and try to run and forget i had my metal protector

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By *ndycoinsMan
over a year ago

Whaley Bridge,Nr Buxton,


"I carry a metal hair clip that if i had the presence of mind and was able to, would berepeatedly aimed at the throat +groin area.. I say repeatedly because that's what females tend to do

In reality I'd likely scream and try to run and forget i had my metal protector "

Both of these tactics are taught in self defence as the first options to deploy.change you hair clip for a biro.put it between you fingers,top to the palm,nib out=punch dagger.alternatively a large bunch of keys,slash across the face.Reaching into your handbag is not considered suspicious if your attacker is a mugger,they think you are getting your money.Suprise.Scream the place down as you attack,assailants don't want attention drawn to the situation,they will retreat at speed

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Trying to make anyone feel safe if I met them from here is my 1st and main priority. And I hope I’ve always succeeded that from the word go. Do I concider mine? Yes, it takes a lot for me to feel right about someone.

Thanks for the reminder op. And it’s a horrific story.

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By *oggoneMan
over a year ago

Derry


"I carry a metal hair clip that if i had the presence of mind and was able to, would berepeatedly aimed at the throat +groin area.. I say repeatedly because that's what females tend to do

In reality I'd likely scream and try to run and forget i had my metal protector "

Wear shoes you can run in. Unless you have gone through some form of training, I wouldn't think about fighting someone if you can get away. Scream while you run.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’ve been attacked several times, and much of the self defence advice they gets handed out is well meaning but wrong. Sorry it is.

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West


"I carry a metal hair clip that if i had the presence of mind and was able to, would berepeatedly aimed at the throat +groin area.. I say repeatedly because that's what females tend to do

In reality I'd likely scream and try to run and forget i had my metal protector

Wear shoes you can run in. Unless you have gone through some form of training, I wouldn't think about fighting someone if you can get away. Scream while you run. "

Some of us can't run. No matter what shoes we wear

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have multiple safety arrangements in place not just for here but regular dates too. I won’t disclose mine publicly because then people know how to get around them.

Despite my precautions, I’ve been groped in a busy park with hundreds of people around. I’ve had men shove their hands up my skirt in coffee shops. I’ve met people that look nothing like any of the photos they’ ve sent.

I’ve had men turn up when meeting women. One man got really agressive with me when I said thank you but not for me, he was screaming at me in Costa calling me a prick tease and threatening to out me.

Oh and I’ve had a man stealth me. That was awful.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I know I don't think about this enough, I've been in some dodgy situations in the past but I'm too sure of myself that I think I could handle anything.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've done things in the past that make me think I am very lucky to have met randoms for so long and got away with it

I think being locked in someones house and being chased through the woods were kinda lucky escapes

Some fancy footwork (one actually, one proverbially) was the only thing that got me out of them scrapes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I had similar a couple of years ago in my own home, not so much of an assault ( I’d met him loads of times) but it got heated…..my friend was called and she was on her way then he left…… since then I’ve not accommodated and never will again

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have had some frankly scary conversations with ladies on here about near misses and a few that went very wrong. Put me off even asking about meets..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m highly alert to my personal safety.

It’s also part of my job role to ensure my staff are safe.

I can sense danger, it takes me a long long time to trust men (thanks to a delightful ex). I don’t feel comfortable in their presence at all until I know them, and yes I know not all are the same.

I don’t go to the toilet alone in clubs, i tend to let T know where I am all the time.

Back when I was single a good friend met T to drop us off where we were going so they’d seen T. I had a safe code text etc.

It really is a scary world.

Mrs

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By *yronMan
over a year ago

grangemouth

I've had a couple of bad experiences - one was a woman who I met in the pub and was getting on really well with, lots of kissing and mutual groping and she suggested that we go back to hers... Where her husband was waiting to kick the shit out of me. It was apparently their thing - she'd go out and pull a guy (or meet him online) and take him home and hubby would beat him up. I managed to get out of there without being attacked.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It’s bonkers what women have to contend with.

I’m a strong fit male but still have reservations. Always err on the side of caution.

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By *erence IIMan
over a year ago

Irrelevant

I've been badly assaulted, had my face stamped all over and left unconscious, on my back with a broken jaw and orbital socket and a throat filling with my own blood.

I've long ago learnt that there are sensible precautions to take but after these, nothing takes away all risk. To spend my life worrying about "what if" harms only me. I'm statistically far more likely to be killed on the road than anywhere else (aside from suicide which is the biggest killer of men my age) and don't think about it ever when I jump in the car/on my bike so why worry about stuff I can't control?

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By *imi_RougeWoman
over a year ago

Portsmouth

Yes, very much so. I always have, but I was still assaulted recently on a social from here, 2nd time going for coffee, middle of the day, residential area. I said no to a quickie and he thought he'd touch me up anyway! I reported him to Fab and his profile disappeared, also reported him to his employer.

Yet I still have to explain to men why a social is a must and I won't just invite them round or go to theirs or get in their car. It really doesn't even cross their minds half the time.

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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Travelling

Not fab nor sexual related but I've been attack of varying levels a couple of times. I'm extremely cautious when going on alone.

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By *ohndom2023Man
over a year ago

Hastings/Greenwich


"Yes, very much so. I always have, but I was still assaulted recently on a social from here, 2nd time going for coffee, middle of the day, residential area. I said no to a quickie and he thought he'd touch me up anyway! I reported him to Fab and his profile disappeared, also reported him to his employer.

Yet I still have to explain to men why a social is a must and I won't just invite them round or go to theirs or get in their car. It really doesn't even cross their minds half the time."

If you have to explain this see it as a huge red flag and run a mile as all men are aware of the vulnerable situation you could be putting yourself in and are full of shit if they say otherwise.

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By *imi_RougeWoman
over a year ago

Portsmouth


"Yes, very much so. I always have, but I was still assaulted recently on a social from here, 2nd time going for coffee, middle of the day, residential area. I said no to a quickie and he thought he'd touch me up anyway! I reported him to Fab and his profile disappeared, also reported him to his employer.

Yet I still have to explain to men why a social is a must and I won't just invite them round or go to theirs or get in their car. It really doesn't even cross their minds half the time.

If you have to explain this see it as a huge red flag and run a mile as all men are aware of the vulnerable situation you could be putting yourself in and are full of shit if they say otherwise."

Not really, they view things through their own eyes, they don't worry about being sexually assaulted by a woman, or because they wouldn't behave that way they just don't think about it. Sometimes they're really just a bit naive.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I had a social on here a long time ago and when we went back to the cars we had a kiss,he seems like a nice enough guy and then he decided he wanted more and got a bit rough with me. I managed to get him away from me and yelled at him wtf did he think he was doing. He then apologised and said as I was on fab he reckoned I'd be up for it. I did almost leave fab over it and when I got home and went to report him he had left the site. He may be back again who knows.

I'm not doing new meets at present. But since then I no longer went to my car with someone. I always park in as public a place as I can and I let them leave first and wait for a while before I would go to my car even if it meant just popping into a shop or something. And also I would check the rear view mirror on the way home to make sure I wasn't followed as a friend was followed home after a social one day so it's better to be safe than sorry in my mind. It's sad that people have to take such precautions but it happens. "

You should have reported that incident to the police.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I know my personal safety is different and the privilege of being a man that doesn’t sleep with men largely protects me from this threat.

Generally I consider my safety for many other reasons. Particularly based on what I might be wearing, where I might be etc. A family member of mine was really badly assaulted one night and it scared us all. I think often about it for other reasons when I’m a long way from home too.

Solidarity to all

Exactly this.

For these reasons I generally only do group socials that are based in city centres and easily accessible to large public stations to avoid the inevitable ‘where you from blud’ interactions when you stray offside "

Literally. I’m glad you said it but it’s for real. My Dad got assaulted a few years ago just like this

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By *ritIndianCoupleCouple
over a year ago

Midlands

I think about it all the time due to being assaulted when I was at University by someone who turned out to be a stalker and told everyone we were in a relationship. We had spoken a few times in a lecture setting.

Mrs

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By *ndycoinsMan
over a year ago

Whaley Bridge,Nr Buxton,

Precautions are very wise,and awareness of all around you.Parking/walking in well lit public areas,using reflective surfaces,shop/car windows to see if you are being followed.Drive around instead of a direct route home.If you think you are being followed by a car get on the phone to the cops if you don't know the nearest station or are too far away.I was followed by a car last year,so I drove loops around a residential area that admittedly I was familiar with,the car realised I had realised and broke off.If you find yourself in a situation that has got physical you have two choices.fight or don't.one gives you a chance,the other has a 100% guarantee of a negative outcome.Most people talk to try and defuse a situation that the attacker has no interest in defusing.When you have to shoot,shoot,don't talk.If you can't face a self defence course there are some good books out there,pre internet era,such as Pool cues,bar stools and bottles(think I've got that in the right order)how to survive a bar room brawl,by a US "cooler",physical bouncer in other words.

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West


"Precautions are very wise,and awareness of all around you.Parking/walking in well lit public areas,using reflective surfaces,shop/car windows to see if you are being followed.Drive around instead of a direct route home.If you think you are being followed by a car get on the phone to the cops if you don't know the nearest station or are too far away.I was followed by a car last year,so I drove loops around a residential area that admittedly I was familiar with,the car realised I had realised and broke off.If you find yourself in a situation that has got physical you have two choices.fight or don't.one gives you a chance,the other has a 100% guarantee of a negative outcome.Most people talk to try and defuse a situation that the attacker has no interest in defusing.When you have to shoot,shoot,don't talk.If you can't face a self defence course there are some good books out there,pre internet era,such as Pool cues,bar stools and bottles(think I've got that in the right order)how to survive a bar room brawl,by a US "cooler",physical bouncer in other words."

Yeah. Really helpful. I'm going to head right back to the pre internet era and keep a pool cue, a barstool and a six shooter down the back of my wheelchair

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By *lay 4 your plessureMan
over a year ago

Wigan

Sorry about your friend op. It can only be a good thing to talk about safety, too many people don't think about it until they have a reason too.

Ive got to ask though, does no one else see any potential red flags about this girls "rock"? Maybe I'm being cynical or reading it wrong, but doesn't a hospital worker waiting for her to be ready to fancy him sound a but like he was cultivating a relationship with a vulnerable patient to begin with?

I know someone who had a hospital worker do something similar to them in the past when they were vulnerable, he made himself feel indispensable to them at the time. My friend fully believed they forming a mutual relationship until it was brought up in conversation with their therapist. A complaint to the hospital and subsequent investigation found he had a history of doing this with several patients.

No one else seems to have seen any red flags, so maybe it is just me?

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By *ndycoinsMan
over a year ago

Whaley Bridge,Nr Buxton,


"Precautions are very wise,and awareness of all around you.Parking/walking in well lit public areas,using reflective surfaces,shop/car windows to see if you are being followed.Drive around instead of a direct route home.If you think you are being followed by a car get on the phone to the cops if you don't know the nearest station or are too far away.I was followed by a car last year,so I drove loops around a residential area that admittedly I was familiar with,the car realised I had realised and broke off.If you find yourself in a situation that has got physical you have two choices.fight or don't.one gives you a chance,the other has a 100% guarantee of a negative outcome.Most people talk to try and defuse a situation that the attacker has no interest in defusing.When you have to shoot,shoot,don't talk.If you can't face a self defence course there are some good books out there,pre internet era,such as Pool cues,bar stools and bottles(think I've got that in the right order)how to survive a bar room brawl,by a US "cooler",physical bouncer in other words.

Yeah. Really helpful. I'm going to head right back to the pre internet era and keep a pool cue, a barstool and a six shooter down the back of my wheelchair "

It's only the book title.most of it is about how to be safe in that environment by identifying a threat and an escalating threat,how to read a would be assailant.Knowledge from someone who has done the job,which can be applied elsewhere.What has pre internet era got to do with it?Don't light a barbecue with petrol was pre internet advice,does that mean it's wrong,factually incorrect,bollocks?but if you just want to be critical about something you haven't read,don't want to learn by someone else's experience or be a "comedian" that's your problem.By the way the book is not about you using a pool cue or a bottle,it's about defending yourself from someone with one.The clue is in the title,and there's no mention of a sixshooter,baby talk for a revolver.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Sorry about your friend op. It can only be a good thing to talk about safety, too many people don't think about it until they have a reason too.

Ive got to ask though, does no one else see any potential red flags about this girls "rock"? Maybe I'm being cynical or reading it wrong, but doesn't a hospital worker waiting for her to be ready to fancy him sound a but like he was cultivating a relationship with a vulnerable patient to begin with?

I know someone who had a hospital worker do something similar to them in the past when they were vulnerable, he made himself feel indispensable to them at the time. My friend fully believed they forming a mutual relationship until it was brought up in conversation with their therapist. A complaint to the hospital and subsequent investigation found he had a history of doing this with several patients.

No one else seems to have seen any red flags, so maybe it is just me? "

I need to clarify, they went to the same school, he worked in the cafe when they reconnected, and said he had a crush on her at school. They exchanged numbers in texted for months and months while she was getting better and that's when he said I'm here for you and I'll wait til you are ready for something more that's when she said she'd always had a crush on him. Pretty sweet I think

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Thanks for the kind messages

And thank you all for the posts, a minute of thinking about serious things doesn't take up too much time out if your day x

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By *ansoffateMan
over a year ago

Sagittarius A

I find this so saddening. And I've heard stories of this nature so often now.

I have never been attacked on a meet. I have been attacked and assaulted many times by men and women though. Three times with a knife. All 3 times I had very different but fortunate escapes.

My wife's cousin got stabbed and killed on a bus in Birmingham for intervening with some lads who were harassing a woman.

I hate that people have to worry or live in fear of assault.

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By *lay 4 your plessureMan
over a year ago

Wigan


"Sorry about your friend op. It can only be a good thing to talk about safety, too many people don't think about it until they have a reason too.

Ive got to ask though, does no one else see any potential red flags about this girls "rock"? Maybe I'm being cynical or reading it wrong, but doesn't a hospital worker waiting for her to be ready to fancy him sound a but like he was cultivating a relationship with a vulnerable patient to begin with?

I know someone who had a hospital worker do something similar to them in the past when they were vulnerable, he made himself feel indispensable to them at the time. My friend fully believed they forming a mutual relationship until it was brought up in conversation with their therapist. A complaint to the hospital and subsequent investigation found he had a history of doing this with several patients.

No one else seems to have seen any red flags, so maybe it is just me?

I need to clarify, they went to the same school, he worked in the cafe when they reconnected, and said he had a crush on her at school. They exchanged numbers in texted for months and months while she was getting better and that's when he said I'm here for you and I'll wait til you are ready for something more that's when she said she'd always had a crush on him. Pretty sweet I think"

Thank you for the clarification. I hope no offence was taken, it just rang alarm bells to me because of what happened to my friend. I probably wouldn't have even given it a second thought if I hadn't seen the way my friend had been manipulated

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By *ames250122Man
over a year ago

Worcester


"I won't beat around the Bush. I've received a call from a school friends daughter to say my friend has passed. I offered my condolences and we talked as I've known her from birth. She talked of her partner and how he's her rock from 'what happened' and I said I didn't know what she meant.

She told me before they met she was on a 'site' and had socials. She agreed to a social with a fella, all was OK, they parted ways. But he followed her in the car park and attacked her in the stairwell. She fought and set off her PA (her mum was a community carer like me) and it was loud and echoed that people were alerted and he did a runner. She spent time in recovery and her partner works at the hospital and he 'waited for her to be ready for fancying him as they clicked' he is a good'en.

I've sat all day thinking do you really consider your personal safety? Or at least have it in the back of your mind ?"

Absolutely, you have too unless accompanied or you know them or couple well enough. Even when accompanied you still should really until you’ve got to know everyone properly x

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By *arkus1812Man
over a year ago

Lifes departure lounge NN9 Northamptonshire East not West MidlandsMidlands


"Most people of my age have concern about personal safety when out and about, local to me there have been assaults on old people out in streets and also in supermarket car parks in broad daylight. For the first time in my life I am dreading the dark evenings which Winter brings,

Tarkus, I worry about my Dad, who is the same sort of age as you. He also has dementia on top of being in his 80s...... I hope you stay safe, my friend. "

Thank you for your kind words, my son in law is going to put up a couple of security lights and cameras front and back which is reassuring. It really should not have to be like that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I do think about it. Did a few Krav Maga classes. Great for learning how to fight off a bigger attacker. Even good just to watch on YouTube

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Sorry about your friend op. It can only be a good thing to talk about safety, too many people don't think about it until they have a reason too.

Ive got to ask though, does no one else see any potential red flags about this girls "rock"? Maybe I'm being cynical or reading it wrong, but doesn't a hospital worker waiting for her to be ready to fancy him sound a but like he was cultivating a relationship with a vulnerable patient to begin with?

I know someone who had a hospital worker do something similar to them in the past when they were vulnerable, he made himself feel indispensable to them at the time. My friend fully believed they forming a mutual relationship until it was brought up in conversation with their therapist. A complaint to the hospital and subsequent investigation found he had a history of doing this with several patients.

No one else seems to have seen any red flags, so maybe it is just me?

I need to clarify, they went to the same school, he worked in the cafe when they reconnected, and said he had a crush on her at school. They exchanged numbers in texted for months and months while she was getting better and that's when he said I'm here for you and I'll wait til you are ready for something more that's when she said she'd always had a crush on him. Pretty sweet I think

Thank you for the clarification. I hope no offence was taken, it just rang alarm bells to me because of what happened to my friend. I probably wouldn't have even given it a second thought if I hadn't seen the way my friend had been manipulated"

I thought the same as you but the OP seems to be keeping an eye on their situation.

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By *ostindreamsMan
over a year ago

London

I wasn't thinking much about safety when I first joined the site. But had a close miss once and cancelled a meet in the last moment. I found that even meet verifications cannot be trusted. Have been careful ever since.

While men do have the safety issues, I think that it is worse for women. So yes. Social first in a crowded place and a close friend who is aware of the meet. Be wary of being followed after the meeting.

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West


"Precautions are very wise,and awareness of all around you.Parking/walking in well lit public areas,using reflective surfaces,shop/car windows to see if you are being followed.Drive around instead of a direct route home.If you think you are being followed by a car get on the phone to the cops if you don't know the nearest station or are too far away.I was followed by a car last year,so I drove loops around a residential area that admittedly I was familiar with,the car realised I had realised and broke off.If you find yourself in a situation that has got physical you have two choices.fight or don't.one gives you a chance,the other has a 100% guarantee of a negative outcome.Most people talk to try and defuse a situation that the attacker has no interest in defusing.When you have to shoot,shoot,don't talk.If you can't face a self defence course there are some good books out there,pre internet era,such as Pool cues,bar stools and bottles(think I've got that in the right order)how to survive a bar room brawl,by a US "cooler",physical bouncer in other words.

Yeah. Really helpful. I'm going to head right back to the pre internet era and keep a pool cue, a barstool and a six shooter down the back of my wheelchair

It's only the book title.most of it is about how to be safe in that environment by identifying a threat and an escalating threat,how to read a would be assailant.Knowledge from someone who has done the job,which can be applied elsewhere.What has pre internet era got to do with it?Don't light a barbecue with petrol was pre internet advice,does that mean it's wrong,factually incorrect,bollocks?but if you just want to be critical about something you haven't read,don't want to learn by someone else's experience or be a "comedian" that's your problem.By the way the book is not about you using a pool cue or a bottle,it's about defending yourself from someone with one.The clue is in the title,and there's no mention of a sixshooter,baby talk for a revolver."

Pal, I am a manual wheelchair user. The self defence books/techniques don't work as well when you're literally portable (on wheels) and can't run. I couldn't knee someone in the nuts because his nuts would be at my chin level. I've experienced being seized by the push handles and moved without my consent and there's fuck all I could do.

It was you who referenced the pre internet era and pool cues and bar stools. I added a six shooter because it amused me.

If someone wants to cause me harm, I'm going to have big problems that no self defence book is going to solve. I know that.

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