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Aftercare Rituals. What does that mean for you?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Forgive me for the long post. Promoted by a message in my friends group chat this morning. One of my fiends is feeling rubbish about herself after a hook up at the weekend. She asked me how I can do this.

It got me thinking about how people deal with these feelings here.

I know for many couples it's quite hot to have reclaim sex and to be honest that's exactly what I'd want if I was in that scenario too. It's talked about often,however there's not much chat about what you do when you don't have someone to go home to?

For some it might be they are just enjoying the afterglow and can compartmentalise. For others they might experience a bit of "sub drop" or "post nut clarity". Understandable after an intense high, there may be an intense low?

In the BDSM world aftercare is talked about but I don't see it as only being needed in that scenario.

So my question to you is how do you feel after?

What do you do to look after yourself if you don't have a partner?

Do you tell your meets that you might need some form of contact after to just make you feel less alone. I guess easier if its an ongoing thing?

If you do have a partner is there more to it than reclaim sex?

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By *oggoneMan
over a year ago

Derry


"Forgive me for the long post. Promoted by a message in my friends group chat this morning. One of my fiends is feeling rubbish about herself after a hook up at the weekend. She asked me how I can do this.

It got me thinking about how people deal with these feelings here.

I know for many couples it's quite hot to have reclaim sex and to be honest that's exactly what I'd want if I was in that scenario too. It's talked about often,however there's not much chat about what you do when you don't have someone to go home to?

For some it might be they are just enjoying the afterglow and can compartmentalise. For others they might experience a bit of "sub drop" or "post nut clarity". Understandable after an intense high, there may be an intense low?

In the BDSM world aftercare is talked about but I don't see it as only being needed in that scenario.

So my question to you is how do you feel after?

What do you do to look after yourself if you don't have a partner?

Do you tell your meets that you might need some form of contact after to just make you feel less alone. I guess easier if its an ongoing thing?

If you do have a partner is there more to it than reclaim sex?

"

Depends I suppose on the dynamic. Sometimes its cuddling after getting that oxytocin buzz, limbs still touching, basking in the body heat.

I love eating after sex, having food handy you can eat in bed together.

A follow up message doesn't hurt does it?

Some people do want to compartmentalise and play it cool. I can find it cold.

The drop to some extent is inevitable, particularly when the magic is over and your away.

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

.

Oh I love this post so much! I was actually discussing this topic yesterday with someone and explaining why I want to take things slowly.

It depends on the intensity. I'm not really one for a hook up so bear that in mind when reading this(although it has happened before and undoubtedly it will again at some point)!

If the sex is quite primal, intense, then yes, I'll probably have a drop. I don't want a constant stream of communication, in fact, I'd rather not as I'll crash and sleep after.

But, I do appreciate a message to say, "hey, I had a fantastic time with you". This is going to sound a bit silly on my part but I've been upset before when a partner (as in we were dating) wouldn't even message that. I'd send a message saying thanks and being a bit soppy and then... nothing.

So that would leave me quite flat. Wondering if I was just a good fuck etc. The worst thing is I'd say how important it was to me, still nothing.

The postcoital cuddles are great but it's the hours after which I think are the telling thing.

I think both parties can experience a drop, it's not just the sub/woman etc who will and that should be taken into consideration.

I do have a fiancé and he's fantastic but he's not the person I've been very intimate, almost vulnerable with.

So, I had to develop my own aftercare. Which meant, I have a very dear friend who I can talk to while having a coffee after. They make me laugh, share in my joy and message to check in and see how I'm doing.

I plan ahead and stock the fridges with fruit and sparkling water so I don't eat crap and feel worse. I watch comforting films (Midsommar is a go to), listen to Lana Del Rey and have a long bath.

If the other person is having a drop/low energy time or simply doesn't want to know, I mute them until the drop has passed so I don't end up feeling worse or putting pressure on them to provide something they're simply not interested in doing.

I kind of lean into the low energy a bit more nowadays and accept that lows will come with dizzying highs.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Personally I wouldn't sleep with someone I haven't had some form of a connection.

Issue on here I find alot of the time people want quick gratification with busy life's etc people don't hang about once the fun has been had, much like a one night stand.. unless it was a planned overnight/all day meet which then leads to relaxing in the company you have which leads to "relationship" type of scenario which I guess leaves people feeling less like someone's toy.

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By *he love catsCouple
over a year ago

South Wales

I can only speak from our experience of couples to couples meets and there's usually a fair bit of chatting before and afterwards, so I suppose if we were to meet singles hopefully the same thing would occur, I would personally feel devastated to think that someone would go away feeling down and sad after meeting with us, it would probably put us off future meets with singles if that was the case.

If I was to meet as a single I don't think I would be able to deal with the thought of going home by myself with no contact afterwards, I would feel used and that's not for me.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Forgive me for the long post. Promoted by a message in my friends group chat this morning. One of my fiends is feeling rubbish about herself after a hook up at the weekend. She asked me how I can do this.

It got me thinking about how people deal with these feelings here.

I know for many couples it's quite hot to have reclaim sex and to be honest that's exactly what I'd want if I was in that scenario too. It's talked about often,however there's not much chat about what you do when you don't have someone to go home to?

For some it might be they are just enjoying the afterglow and can compartmentalise. For others they might experience a bit of "sub drop" or "post nut clarity". Understandable after an intense high, there may be an intense low?

In the BDSM world aftercare is talked about but I don't see it as only being needed in that scenario.

So my question to you is how do you feel after?

What do you do to look after yourself if you don't have a partner?

Do you tell your meets that you might need some form of contact after to just make you feel less alone. I guess easier if its an ongoing thing?

If you do have a partner is there more to it than reclaim sex?

Depends I suppose on the dynamic. Sometimes its cuddling after getting that oxytocin buzz, limbs still touching, basking in the body heat.

I love eating after sex, having food handy you can eat in bed together.

A follow up message doesn't hurt does it?

Some people do want to compartmentalise and play it cool. I can find it cold.

The drop to some extent is inevitable, particularly when the magic is over and your away.

"

I think for me although I can compartmentalise quite well the drop tends to happen a few days later. Often unexpectedly I'll just feel a bit grumpy. Keeping busy helps.

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By *MisschiefxTV/TS
over a year ago

London

Depends. If it's a BDSM situation then you want some head pat's after.

If it's a hookup I like to go home and reflect on the experience on my own. I'm not interested in a connection there. I'm not an emotional person so I don't want to lay in bed and cuddle with someone after casual sex, it just makes me feel uncomfortable.

If it's with my partner then we'll snuggle up in bed after.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Oh I love this post so much! I was actually discussing this topic yesterday with someone and explaining why I want to take things slowly.

It depends on the intensity. I'm not really one for a hook up so bear that in mind when reading this(although it has happened before and undoubtedly it will again at some point)!

If the sex is quite primal, intense, then yes, I'll probably have a drop. I don't want a constant stream of communication, in fact, I'd rather not as I'll crash and sleep after.

But, I do appreciate a message to say, "hey, I had a fantastic time with you". This is going to sound a bit silly on my part but I've been upset before when a partner (as in we were dating) wouldn't even message that. I'd send a message saying thanks and being a bit soppy and then... nothing.

So that would leave me quite flat. Wondering if I was just a good fuck etc. The worst thing is I'd say how important it was to me, still nothing.

The postcoital cuddles are great but it's the hours after which I think are the telling thing.

I think both parties can experience a drop, it's not just the sub/woman etc who will and that should be taken into consideration.

I do have a fiancé and he's fantastic but he's not the person I've been very intimate, almost vulnerable with.

So, I had to develop my own aftercare. Which meant, I have a very dear friend who I can talk to while having a coffee after. They make me laugh, share in my joy and message to check in and see how I'm doing.

I plan ahead and stock the fridges with fruit and sparkling water so I don't eat crap and feel worse. I watch comforting films (Midsommar is a go to), listen to Lana Del Rey and have a long bath.

If the other person is having a drop/low energy time or simply doesn't want to know, I mute them until the drop has passed so I don't end up feeling worse or putting pressure on them to provide something they're simply not interested in doing.

I kind of lean into the low energy a bit more nowadays and accept that lows will come with dizzying highs. "

I knew of all the people here you'd get it

That after communication is so important to me.

I think it's very different as a single person meeting someone one to one or going in to a group scenario.

One on one it's more intimate, I'm allowing more of myself. I'm being more vulnerable, I suppose it's filling my need for affection as much as anything else.

When I've dabbled in the past beyind that, it's very different. It's easier to see it for exactly what it is and keep any emotions out so no drop, more of a wonder that I did that, how awesome!

I think rest and having someone to talk to definitely helps. It can be very easy to let over thinking in and the thoughts spiral.

Many times in the past I've been exactly where my friend is in my thinking. Convinced that I'm good enough to fuck but not to love, thankfully I've always managed to see that for the nonsense it is but sometimes you have to ride it out. Maybe practice makes it easier to navigate?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm generally vet affectionate and touchy so after we've finished, I love being able to cuddle up with them, let hands wander a bit, share kisses and have a chat just to calm down a bit from what we've just done. And even after that, I like to message them to make sure they're ok and check that they enjoyed everything and thank them for seeing me.

If it doesn't happen, I can feel a bit empty after but it doesn't last long and I'm generally back to my normal self

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I usually message next day to check in and talk about how they’re feeling, how they felt, any thoughts and reflections about making them feel comfortable.

Then plan some time to chat or see one another again and be honest about having a good time and shower with words of affirmation to reassure.

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By *ansoffateMan
over a year ago

Sagittarius A

I am going to say this comes quite naturally to me but that's far from being dismissive of its importance.

I almost always have a deep connection with sexual partners so there's ongoing contact and care.

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By *ose-tinted GlassesMan
over a year ago

Glasgow / London


"I can only speak from our experience of couples to couples meets and there's usually a fair bit of chatting before and afterwards …"

I think that’s the main thing, for me. Chatting afterwards.

When I’ve been with someone, I want to keep talking. If we don’t, it feels weird.

It’s fine if a meet turns out to be a one-off, and that chat tails off … but it shouldn’t just stop dead after sex. We were talking before, let’s keep talking after. At least for a while.

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By *eyeYCouple
over a year ago

Nr Leicester

As always a well written and honest post hun!

Interested in others feelings as yes, the drop from uthoria is real when the oxytocin, dopamine and endorphins reduce after and feel the other party should be conscious/aware of the fact and offer support, as they benefited from the experience as well..

That said, that's possibly a more intimate act than many would feel comfortable with.

On the few times we've not had reclaim sex after it has left us emotionally at sea in honesty and with our focus changing to just a single lady joining us, we will be conscious of what you've posted if/when that happens! Love! X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have more experience of aftercare from the kink scene and what is needed depends on what the scene was and how intense it was and whether it was in public or private. Often I used to play at events I helped crew so knew after care had to be quick as had to go back to crewing.

As for swinging most of my meets have been short hook ups, usually just for o. It would be nice to have received a message afterwards to see if the other person enjoyed and may want to do again.

Can be a bit off putting if you find yourself blocked by some one after a meet and you spend time wondering what you did wrong. In that case I normally talk it over with a close friend.

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By *oggoneMan
over a year ago

Derry


"Oh I love this post so much! I was actually discussing this topic yesterday with someone and explaining why I want to take things slowly.

It depends on the intensity. I'm not really one for a hook up so bear that in mind when reading this(although it has happened before and undoubtedly it will again at some point)!

If the sex is quite primal, intense, then yes, I'll probably have a drop. I don't want a constant stream of communication, in fact, I'd rather not as I'll crash and sleep after.

But, I do appreciate a message to say, "hey, I had a fantastic time with you". This is going to sound a bit silly on my part but I've been upset before when a partner (as in we were dating) wouldn't even message that. I'd send a message saying thanks and being a bit soppy and then... nothing.

So that would leave me quite flat. Wondering if I was just a good fuck etc. The worst thing is I'd say how important it was to me, still nothing.

The postcoital cuddles are great but it's the hours after which I think are the telling thing.

I think both parties can experience a drop, it's not just the sub/woman etc who will and that should be taken into consideration.

I do have a fiancé and he's fantastic but he's not the person I've been very intimate, almost vulnerable with.

So, I had to develop my own aftercare. Which meant, I have a very dear friend who I can talk to while having a coffee after. They make me laugh, share in my joy and message to check in and see how I'm doing.

I plan ahead and stock the fridges with fruit and sparkling water so I don't eat crap and feel worse. I watch comforting films (Midsommar is a go to), listen to Lana Del Rey and have a long bath.

If the other person is having a drop/low energy time or simply doesn't want to know, I mute them until the drop has passed so I don't end up feeling worse or putting pressure on them to provide something they're simply not interested in doing.

I kind of lean into the low energy a bit more nowadays and accept that lows will come with dizzying highs.

I knew of all the people here you'd get it

That after communication is so important to me.

I think it's very different as a single person meeting someone one to one or going in to a group scenario.

One on one it's more intimate, I'm allowing more of myself. I'm being more vulnerable, I suppose it's filling my need for affection as much as anything else.

When I've dabbled in the past beyind that, it's very different. It's easier to see it for exactly what it is and keep any emotions out so no drop, more of a wonder that I did that, how awesome!

I think rest and having someone to talk to definitely helps. It can be very easy to let over thinking in and the thoughts spiral.

Many times in the past I've been exactly where my friend is in my thinking. Convinced that I'm good enough to fuck but not to love, thankfully I've always managed to see that for the nonsense it is but sometimes you have to ride it out. Maybe practice makes it easier to navigate?

"

Maybe practice helps but each time is discrete and doesn't have a follow on impact if that makes sense. And aftercare is still required. Practice might help you anticipate and prepare for the drop. While we're all responsible for looking after ourselves, your playmate still can do a lot to help with the used and thrown aside feelings. A little care can go a long way.

If that only good enough to fuck feeling is a reoccurring one then I think there's something else in play.

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By *eroLondonMan
over a year ago

Covent Garden

Dear MsWyld, I am somewhat tame compared to most (not all) on here, and often proclaim my self-coined term as 'enhanced vanilla'. Therefore apologies for my waffling answer because it only represents my old-fashioned romantic setting, extraneous to the confines of kink or other such levels of extremity.

When my partner and I have immersed ourselves in a long and sustained crescendo of hormone-induced 'entwinement', the post-coital moments are just as important as the lead up: taking care of each other, letting our bodies come back down to earth, savouring the after-scent of our pheromones, still touching and stroking each other with a gentle persuasion but enjoying our own space at the same time. The orgasm is transient but the aftercare endures for longer.

I think aftercare is also about being attuned to what's occurring behind the scenes within two sexually-ravished bodies: oxytocin, dopamine, and prolactin being released and the aftercare helping to regulate your body after the intense sexual tachycardia, but also reinforcing the intimacy and vulnerability in our 'relationship', much beyond the orgasms.

As a complement to the aftercare I also enjoy grazing during pillow talk. Ensuring my partner is refreshed, hydrated and nourished. I cannot recall a romantic encounter where food hasn't been centre-stage! Anyway, my random thoughts for this afternoon...!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'll send a 'Thanks I enjoyed that' text. I don't expect people to really stay on the radar constantly, as I often tend to ebb & flow myself and just don't always have the time. Maybe that makes me come across as not fussed though. I'm not sure?

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

Everyone has different needs. There’s the immediate needs but also the days after and there’s physical & emotional.

Some people are hyper sensitised and can’t be touched or cuddled, but you can make sure they are warm and comfortable. When they ‘come back’ you can chat, cuddle, eat, drink etc.

I tend to drop severely in the days after and go off-grid which isn't always helpful but I can manage sending thoughtful little gifts via Amazon if I have their address!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Depends. If it's a BDSM situation then you want some head pat's after.

If it's a hookup I like to go home and reflect on the experience on my own. I'm not interested in a connection there. I'm not an emotional person so I don't want to lay in bed and cuddle with someone after casual sex, it just makes me feel uncomfortable.

If it's with my partner then we'll snuggle up in bed after."

In many ways I envy the ability to not be emotional.

Casual sex can be exactly that and it can be fun without the snuggles and aftercare but I do think it's lacking without it for me.

Don't get me wrong I've had one night things before but it felt transactional and lacking for me. However, I realise not everyone feels that way and people should enjoy whatever they enjoy.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"As always a well written and honest post hun!

Interested in others feelings as yes, the drop from uthoria is real when the oxytocin, dopamine and endorphins reduce after and feel the other party should be conscious/aware of the fact and offer support, as they benefited from the experience as well..

That said, that's possibly a more intimate act than many would feel comfortable with.

On the few times we've not had reclaim sex after it has left us emotionally at sea in honesty and with our focus changing to just a single lady joining us, we will be conscious of what you've posted if/when that happens! Love! X"

I think that's a really interesting insight that you felt the difference. I can totally see why. I think for couples to let someone else in is a big deal and the ability to do it is testimony to a very strong relationship.

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

.


"If the other person is having a drop/low energy time or simply doesn't want to know, I mute them until the drop has passed so I don't end up feeling worse or putting pressure on them to provide something they're simply not interested in doing.

I kind of lean into the low energy a bit more nowadays and accept that lows will come with dizzying highs.

I knew of all the people here you'd get it

That after communication is so important to me.

I think it's very different as a single person meeting someone one to one or going in to a group scenario.

One on one it's more intimate, I'm allowing more of myself. I'm being more vulnerable, I suppose it's filling my need for affection as much as anything else.

When I've dabbled in the past beyind that, it's very different. It's easier to see it for exactly what it is and keep any emotions out so no drop, more of a wonder that I did that, how awesome!

I think rest and having someone to talk to definitely helps. It can be very easy to let over thinking in and the thoughts spiral.

Many times in the past I've been exactly where my friend is in my thinking. Convinced that I'm good enough to fuck but not to love, thankfully I've always managed to see that for the nonsense it is but sometimes you have to ride it out. Maybe practice makes it easier to navigate?

"

Ah of course! Sometimes it strikes me how very alike we are in how we process/view things.

Yep, it's very important to me. I guess it kind of cements those feelings that it's more than sex. That doesn't have to mean love, it can be a good friendship in which I'm able to be vulnerable and intimate in those moments.

Being able to talk to someone, even if it's about utter nonsense helps ground me and ride out those temporary feelings. I know that in the coming days (deliberately being vague here! :D) my friend will message and ask, not how was it but how are you feeling? And I love her for that.

Not every person can or wants to provide aftercare, I don't believe they should be demonised for that. I do think if it's important to you both, it's something you'll have discussed even fleetingly.

(And again, this is very much me approaching it from not having hook ups stance)

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By *apidaryMan
over a year ago

Chipping Norton

Finding someone attractive and good company afterwards is as important as finding them attractive and good company before; without that, there's a slip towards something that can feel (but doesn't have to) functional. And from functional it's not far to tawdry, if one is vulnerable to that.

The notion of good enough to fuck but not good enough to love seems treacherous, unless it was love one was looking for to begin with (or accidentally discovered oneself longing for, as a result of deeper chords being sounded). Reminiscent of an apocryphal story about Eleanor Roosevelt, discovering a rose had been named after her, but being put out to find that it was a climbing rose, and the accompanying description was 'Not suitable for a bed but fine up against a wall.'

Ephemeral is can be fine. Recurrent and ephemeral can be great (intermittent but repeated meets). But feeling warm to someone afterwards as well as before is key, whether the warmth took ages to establish or was there in the first instant of meeting.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Dear MsWyld, I am somewhat tame compared to most (not all) on here, and often proclaim my self-coined term as 'enhanced vanilla'. Therefore apologies for my waffling answer because it only represents my old-fashioned romantic setting, extraneous to the confines of kink or other such levels of extremity.

When my partner and I have immersed ourselves in a long and sustained crescendo of hormone-induced 'entwinement', the post-coital moments are just as important as the lead up: taking care of each other, letting our bodies come back down to earth, savouring the after-scent of our pheromones, still touching and stroking each other with a gentle persuasion but enjoying our own space at the same time. The orgasm is transient but the aftercare endures for longer.

I think aftercare is also about being attuned to what's occurring behind the scenes within two sexually-ravished bodies: oxytocin, dopamine, and prolactin being released and the aftercare helping to regulate your body after the intense sexual tachycardia, but also reinforcing the intimacy and vulnerability in our 'relationship', much beyond the orgasms.

As a complement to the aftercare I also enjoy grazing during pillow talk. Ensuring my partner is refreshed, hydrated and nourished. I cannot recall a romantic encounter where food hasn't been centre-stage! Anyway, my random thoughts for this afternoon...!"

Nero

I too am an old fashioned romantic (I know, I hide it so well)

Those moments, hours or the sleep over after are beautiful things. The intimacy continues and I love the touching, the pillow talk, the bodies entwined and that feeling of shared bliss.

I also often want to eat after and I've been somewhat lacking in my bedroom picnic preparations of late!

I do also love a bit of remincincing, little things that tell me I'm still wanted. I don't expect constant communication but something is lovely and I like to think I'm good at ensuring they know they are wanted too. Therfore one time one to one encounters where we never speak again for really aren't my thing these days.

Although never say never.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

They leave.

I shower.

I get on with the million things I need to do in life.

I'm pretty sure I'm missing an emotional part of my brain

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By *asty tatsyMan
over a year ago

london


"They leave.

I shower.

I get on with the million things I need to do in life.

I'm pretty sure I'm missing an emotional part of my brain "

There’s not even time for a cuppa after

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"They leave.

I shower.

I get on with the million things I need to do in life.

I'm pretty sure I'm missing an emotional part of my brain

There’s not even time for a cuppa after "

Er no. Get out.

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By *asty tatsyMan
over a year ago

london


"They leave.

I shower.

I get on with the million things I need to do in life.

I'm pretty sure I'm missing an emotional part of my brain

There’s not even time for a cuppa after

Er no. Get out."

I will bring my flask then

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By *weetiepie99Woman
over a year ago

cardiff

I never do 'one offs'. Just would leave me cold and empty and i'd always make that clear. And i'd need to chat for a fair bit before and after meeting someone.

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By *MisschiefxTV/TS
over a year ago

London


"They leave.

I shower.

I get on with the million things I need to do in life.

I'm pretty sure I'm missing an emotional part of my brain "

Same

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By *herry delightWoman
over a year ago

Ilfracombe

They leave

I tidy up

I Shower

I have a cuppa.

The last thing I need is someone fussing over me.

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By *hePerkyPumpkinTV/TS
over a year ago

Bristol


"They leave.

I shower.

I get on with the million things I need to do in life.

I'm pretty sure I'm missing an emotional part of my brain "

Yep this is me, very much have the "we're done here" attitude.

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By *oggoneMan
over a year ago

Derry


"They leave.

I shower.

I get on with the million things I need to do in life.

I'm pretty sure I'm missing an emotional part of my brain

There’s not even time for a cuppa after

Er no. Get out."

There's a wasp species in south america that after having her way executes her mate. One way of addressing aftercare I suppose.

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By *ackandJill1Couple
over a year ago

Leeds

We actually have a little section on our profile about this! So glad that we're not the only ones to think about it

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By *asterR and slut mayaMan
over a year ago

Bradford

Meeting of minds and desires comuncation means that pelim and aftercare is part and parcel of the things you do together for both to gain full satisfaction from the session.each partner needs met and forfilled.

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By *ohndom2023Man
over a year ago

Hastings/Greenwich


"Oh I love this post so much! I was actually discussing this topic yesterday with someone and explaining why I want to take things slowly.

It depends on the intensity. I'm not really one for a hook up so bear that in mind when reading this(although it has happened before and undoubtedly it will again at some point)!

If the sex is quite primal, intense, then yes, I'll probably have a drop. I don't want a constant stream of communication, in fact, I'd rather not as I'll crash and sleep after.

But, I do appreciate a message to say, "hey, I had a fantastic time with you". This is going to sound a bit silly on my part but I've been upset before when a partner (as in we were dating) wouldn't even message that. I'd send a message saying thanks and being a bit soppy and then... nothing.

So that would leave me quite flat. Wondering if I was just a good fuck etc. The worst thing is I'd say how important it was to me, still nothing.

The postcoital cuddles are great but it's the hours after which I think are the telling thing.

I think both parties can experience a drop, it's not just the sub/woman etc who will and that should be taken into consideration.

I do have a fiancé and he's fantastic but he's not the person I've been very intimate, almost vulnerable with.

So, I had to develop my own aftercare. Which meant, I have a very dear friend who I can talk to while having a coffee after. They make me laugh, share in my joy and message to check in and see how I'm doing.

I plan ahead and stock the fridges with fruit and sparkling water so I don't eat crap and feel worse. I watch comforting films (Midsommar is a go to), listen to Lana Del Rey and have a long bath.

If the other person is having a drop/low energy time or simply doesn't want to know, I mute them until the drop has passed so I don't end up feeling worse or putting pressure on them to provide something they're simply not interested in doing.

I kind of lean into the low energy a bit more nowadays and accept that lows will come with dizzying highs. "

Hopefully the heights reached are worth the lowest of times.

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By *hrista BellendWoman
over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

I only suffer from DommeDrop after a particularly intense scene tbh

Sexually one offs are agreed as just that and we both happily seperate with smiles.

Everyone else I see/speak to frequently anyways, so I'm not particularly needy for contact, after we have met, as we already have that communication level

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By *edeWoman
over a year ago

the abyss

I have experienced the 'sub drop' several times. It's not a pleasant experience and possibly why I had been so reticent to allow someone into my life in that way again.

It's especially hard when I am not the best at voicing my needs in the way of aftercare (I know - surprising)

Sometimes the gap between meets can be hard if it's intense 'sessions' as it were. You can often feel like your body and mind are on a rollercoaster and it can become hard to distinguish where your emotions are coming from. As always communication is the way, but not always easy. All part of the learning curve though

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"They leave.

I shower.

I get on with the million things I need to do in life.

I'm pretty sure I'm missing an emotional part of my brain "

Even in the immediate aftermath?

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

.

Because you and I are very similar Op and I think this will tickle you....

Aftercare when it's there and works? Glorious. I think I'll be buzzing until next Friday. And then ready to live again.

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