FabSwingers.com forum: Friendship

By *stella OP Woman
over a year ago

London

Do you ever make conscious uncoupling decisions around friendships/relationships?

From either completely cutting someone out to recognising the rhythm of the friendship is one-sided and adjusting by taking a step back, or see/hear something that hurts a bit and put your walls up a little to be more guarded?

If so, do you find it easy to do?

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By *EladyluckWoman
over a year ago

Middlesbrough

Yes... I think you have to for your own sanity and well being.

Way I see it is you were fine before them and you will be fine after them x

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Yes I do but I don't always reach that point quickly, once I do I move on very rapidly though and don't go back

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By *ansoffateMan
over a year ago

Sagittarius A

"Do you ever make conscious uncoupling decisions around friendships/relationships?

If so, do you find it easy to do?

I think these things ebb and flow naturally over the course of time.

For me it's one sided when there's no communication about it and it isn't determined mutually.

It's a self-respect thing for me. I just move on if I am not feeling it from the other person. I may have a conversation first, but if that's left unclear yeah I'm going to be done.

I tend to get submarined a fair bit. It's usually too late by then for me. There's a few friends who've established a bond with me that transcends that but if that was never there then it's see you in the next life usually.

Good question by the way.

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

Not genuine friendships; they petered out slowly over time.

Acquaintances who have shown personality traits I don't like I have.

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

I don't make real friends easily.

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By *inger_SnapWoman
over a year ago

Hampshire/Dorset

It can go a number of ways, sometimes there's the slow fade, when lives move in different directions. Other times I've actually just cut the cord, and told someone I don't want to be friends anymore, it has to be pretty toxic for that though.

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By *ohndom2023Man
over a year ago

Hastings/Greenwich

These decisions are never easy and i find it is just better to walk away without looking back.

You must of course let them know your reasons before doing so.

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

I can be quite brutal in this. If someone betrays my trust I am out of there. I also can be bad at maintaining friendships so a lot just drift away. Sad really but life/laziness gets in the way sometimes.

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By *estSussexGuy76Man
over a year ago

copthorne

Its a great topic.

Over the years, I had 3 separate friendship groups.

I now know this was completely bonkers and over the last few years its become clear I only need a small group of real friends.

I no longer give my attention to people who drain my energy, I know longer get involved in social activities that I have no interest in.

It can be upsetting, but I think for a better life these things are important to do.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I killed a 20 year friendship because I couldn't trust them. Bit sad it ended but no way we can be friends again.

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

I don't have any old school friends because I cut them off over a period of time when I was mid to late 20s.

The friendship was all one way traffic with me being there for them in difficult times and loss and they couldn't reciprocate when I needed them to.

I've worked with people for decades and never set foot in their homes or met their partners or families so I class those as acquaintances rather than friends.

I have been more brutal in recent years and not afraid to tell people who try and take advantage of our friendship to feck off.

That very much includes fab friends who thought I was a soft touch.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I had to cut all ties with a friend recently after i caught her red handed lying to her other friends about me. It stung a little because I find it difficult to make real friends. We became close quite quickly and I probably shouldn’t have let her in that fast but it felt nice to make a new friend. I won’t make that mistake again that’s for sure.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m a shit friend.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've always had trouble keeping friends due to a lack of effort to keep in touch on my part. Now I find can instigate meeing up more often than not among my current group of friends but know they're worth it because we always have a great time when we do manage to get out

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I've always had trouble keeping friends due to a lack of effort to keep in touch on my part. Now I find can instigate meeing up more often than not among my current group of friends but know they're worth it because we always have a great time when we do manage to get out

I should probably answer your question too

I guess I could do it if I ever found that I was doing all the heavy lifting to keep in touch.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

Yes I do make a conscious decisions to end friendships. Some I allow to frizzle out, some I'll confront to see if there's been a misunderstanding before I make a decision and others I'll give chances and if they're not taken that's on them. Once I've decided to let a friendship go it hurts but I've yet to regret it.

Think I'm lucky though I've got a core group of friends I've known since forever, I know they've got my back. So it helps me walk away if I need to.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Do you ever make conscious uncoupling decisions around friendships/relationships?"

Yes - twice.

"From either completely cutting someone out to recognising the rhythm of the friendship is one-sided and adjusting by taking a step back, or see/hear something that hurts a bit and put your walls up a little to be more guarded? "

Completely cut out a childhood friend who I had known into my late 20s (we'd changed and he'd become irritating - no doubt I was more so). Second one was my ex-FWB, who a number of people on here had told me was toxic. That took a while to cut out - still waiting for the fallout from that.

"If so, do you find it easy to do?

No - I wanted to hang onto the FWB as a friend even three years after the sex had stopped, but, finally listened to others' advice about the relationship being toxic.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've had my 'walls' up for years.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Do you ever make conscious uncoupling decisions around friendships/relationships?

If so, do you find it easy to do?

Yup, see it all the time and do it too.

I give freely, too freely to be honest and expect it back, rather foolishly.

When I sus you out as a lightweight, associate or acquaintance at best, I'm pretty ruthless. Probably too ruthless.

Self preservation though innit.

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By *andybeachWoman
over a year ago

In the middle

I can be quite brutal when it comes to cutting people off, I just think to myself why am I making you a priority in my life when I’m not even making the top ten list in yours

Other friendships have just naturally faded over the years with people moving away or moving jobs etc

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By *e renard de la campagneMan
over a year ago

Surrey mostly when over

"Do you ever make conscious uncoupling decisions around friendships/relationships?

If so, do you find it easy to do?

Yes, I did this within the last year to a really good and close friend. There’s still some sadness on my part, and I’ve no idea how they feel, but I value loyalty and they really let me down with work, twice in the end alas. I wouldn’t normally give a second chance, but anyway.

So yes, can cut people out completely, but rarely. Some friendships have a more constant rhythm than others, but that doesn’t make them more or less fulfilling, just a different tempo.

I don’t really find it easy cutting people out really, but sometimes you have to look after yourself and your own MH x

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By *phialtesMan
over a year ago

Beyond the Wall

Yes.

Sometimes the journey ends before you get to your intended destination.

Other-times you jump from the car before it safely comes to a stop.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes

And ermmm depends really. I’m an absolute pro at cutting people out my life (but I’m not the problem I swear) and some situations have been a lot easier than others

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Over the years I've had to cut contact a couple of times. It still surprises me I did it. I'm such a soft touch usually but these two people pushed me too far.

I've also lost a friendship and I'm still unsure why. I assume it must have been something I said or did, as that's my natural default but logically I don't think it was me. Still hurts and I miss her a lot.

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By *uriousscouserWoman
over a year ago

Wirral

Oh I do tend to hang on a little bit longer than I should, but if I make the decision to cut someone out of my life then I follow through without trepidation.

The decision is horribly difficult to make but once made I find it very easy to execute.

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By *ohndom2023Man
over a year ago

Hastings/Greenwich

If the thought of seeing someone you know makes you feel bad or revert to destructive patterns drop them without hesitation.

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By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

"Do you ever make conscious uncoupling decisions around friendships/relationships?

If so, do you find it easy to do?

I have cut people of before but for very valid reasons, the rest...once I find out their true colours, I put a wall up and distance myself a little x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's got easier with age. The older I get the less patience I have and things I used to put up with, I just can't anymore. Life's too short to surround yourself with people who don't make you happy so I have no issues cutting those out that don't.

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By *oggoneMan
over a year ago

Derry

Absolutely, slowly first and then quickly. Maybe the relationship has changed or you realise something about the dynamic. Is it one sided or transactional. The frenemy is also a thing.

I'll observe first and wait before acting.

If the cost of 'friendship' is too high then it's time to reassess.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think we all have to do this at some point. It’s not something we enjoy or find easy but if it’s what’s best for us then we focus on that

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By *estarossa.Woman
over a year ago

Flagrante

Yes, but I am a slow learner and often find myself having to learn the hard way.. several times

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