FabSwingers.com forum: Conflict...

By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

How good are you at dealing with difficult situations? Whether it's a verbal tiff on here with someone who doesn't agree with your post, a work situation you have to navigate. A heated conversation with a friend.

Do you find it easy to express your thoughts? Or do you hibernate? Stay cool?

You get the idea, even with the myriad of prompts. :D

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Depends on who it’s with.

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By *enrietteandSamCouple
over a year ago

Staffordshire

Either ignore them, agree with them, offer to buy them another drink and apologise or pull their tshirt over their head and leg it depending on the situation.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm conflict averse, but I'm a great harmoniser and mediator and fairly cool head when it comes to resolving differences and helping others to achieve harmony.

With those i know i can't influence positively, i just avoid any interactions beyond politeness for my own mental health

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Either ignore them, agree with them, offer to buy them another drink and apologise or pull their tshirt over their head and leg it depending on the situation."

Enjoying the reverse wedgie in your profile pic

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How good are you at dealing with difficult situations? Whether it's a verbal tiff on here with someone who doesn't agree with your post, a work situation you have to navigate. A heated conversation with a friend.

Do you find it easy to express your thoughts? Or do you hibernate? Stay cool?

You get the idea, even with the myriad of prompts. :D"

All depends on the other person, doesn't it?

If you think they're capable of having a rational discussion about it, then crack on.

If you know they're just going to rant, rave and not listen, then you just wish them good day and walk on.

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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago

London

"Either ignore them, agree with them, offer to buy them another drink and apologise or pull their tshirt over their head and leg it depending on the situation."

I’d like to confront you.

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually

I much prefer to take some time away from the situation and think abut it with a clear and cool head. Some people think I'm avoidant for that. But I do come back and talk it out as soon as I feel I'm capable of doing so properly.

In situations where I can't take that time, I mostly do what I can to diffuse the situation. Though I'm far from perfect, and there have been times when I've lashed out verbally and hurt people I wouldn't mean to.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I tend to deal with thing head on. Not afraid of conflict, and I'm one of those people that can't hide the emotion from my face - whatever that is...

Saying that, I've mellowed out a lot. I can proudly say that I can express my stance while being true to my own position and always try and see things from different perspectives.

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By *enrietteandSamCouple
over a year ago

Staffordshire

"Either ignore them, agree with them, offer to buy them another drink and apologise or pull their tshirt over their head and leg it depending on the situation.

Enjoying the reverse wedgie in your profile pic

If that’s not a cricket term already it really should be

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Either ignore them, agree with them, offer to buy them another drink and apologise or pull their tshirt over their head and leg it depending on the situation.

Enjoying the reverse wedgie in your profile pic

If that’s not a cricket term already it really should be

That really was a marvellous reverse wedgie there, Tony.

Could you pull that off in your day?

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By *enrietteandSamCouple
over a year ago

Staffordshire

"Either ignore them, agree with them, offer to buy them another drink and apologise or pull their tshirt over their head and leg it depending on the situation.

I’d like to confront you.

Pull her tshirt over her head and grope her magnificent breasts!

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By *oggoneMan
over a year ago

Derry

"Depends on who it’s with. "

This one here.

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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago

London

Do you find it easy to express your thoughts? Or do you hibernate? Stay cool?

You get the idea, even with the myriad of prompts. :D"

I have to take a moment to check myself, but I’ve got a lot better at being really authentic with people about how I’m feeling. It’s been such a healthy improvement and has helped my relationships no end. I feel anxious about confrontation but confrontation doesn’t have to be combative, and I’m doing the other person a disservice if I don’t express myself clearly to them - I’m denying them the opportunity to be closer to me and build on our relationship. That’s not cool.

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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago

London

"Either ignore them, agree with them, offer to buy them another drink and apologise or pull their tshirt over their head and leg it depending on the situation.

I’d like to confront you.

Pull her tshirt over her head and grope her magnificent breasts!"

Drops to knees and opens mouth to receive his magnificent cock.

Actually I’d probably just snort.

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By *hisisntpofMan
over a year ago

bristol

I try to avoid it,but if its in my face ,then you gotta go for it

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By *enrietteandSamCouple
over a year ago

Staffordshire

"Either ignore them, agree with them, offer to buy them another drink and apologise or pull their tshirt over their head and leg it depending on the situation.

Enjoying the reverse wedgie in your profile pic

If that’s not a cricket term already it really should be

That really was a marvellous reverse wedgie there, Tony.

Could you pull that off in your day?"

Pick it straight off my stump!

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By *ulieAndBeefCouple
over a year ago

Manchester-ish

"I much prefer to take some time away from the situation and think abut it with a clear and cool head. Some people think I'm avoidant for that. But I do come back and talk it out as soon as I feel I'm capable of doing so properly.

I think that's healthy. To know that you need the space to look at things rationally.

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By *edeWoman
over a year ago

the abyss

It very much depends on the situation. If I think my input would be detrimental then I walk away. Generally speaking though I am a diffuser if there is conflict between others, listen to them help them talk it out or helps see the other side.

If it's conflict with myself and another person I will more than likely go quiet, go into myself to think. I'm not one for arguments and prefer to be able to think clearly about my opinions before discussing

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"Either ignore them, agree with them, offer to buy them another drink and apologise or pull their tshirt over their head and leg it depending on the situation."

Nice. Conclusive answer there associate, appreciated.

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By *aui.Man
over a year ago

around here

My job is basically arguing with people, I like to think I'm pretty good at it. It's weird though because in general I don't like to upset people and try not to have too much conflict in my personal life.

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"I'm conflict averse, but I'm a great harmoniser and mediator and fairly cool head when it comes to resolving differences and helping others to achieve harmony.

With those i know i can't influence positively, i just avoid any interactions beyond politeness for my own mental health "

Oh that's understandable. At a certain point most people would put themselves first.

How do you manage to retain a cool head? Is it how you naturally are or something you've learned over the years?

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By *ooBulMan
over a year ago

Missin’ Yo’ Kissin’

It depends really...

Sometimes a person can point out something you are not aware of. Some times it can be someone being an arse hole! Same goes for work.

Always sit back, have a think. Are they right? People aren't always right (although they think they are!) Stand up for yourself in a constructive & positive manner.

If anybody gives grief - let them get it off their chest, don't retaliate, let them say what they want even if they are a deluded dildo! Say nothing & ignore.

You can always block if needed....

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By *ohndom2023Man
over a year ago

Hastings/Greenwich

Don't poke the bear, don't engage with arseholes (you know what I mean) and in the real world if they keep on coming kick the shit out of them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm conflict averse, but I'm a great harmoniser and mediator and fairly cool head when it comes to resolving differences and helping others to achieve harmony.

With those i know i can't influence positively, i just avoid any interactions beyond politeness for my own mental health

Oh that's understandable. At a certain point most people would put themselves first.

How do you manage to retain a cool head? Is it how you naturally are or something you've learned over the years? "

Its something I've learned with time +experience. I learnt how to 'look in the mirror' and take responsibility for my actions +consequences - I've learn tips for helping other people to do that to and be more rational and thoughtful. Thinking through consequences is a great thing to do and then tweak to get the desired outcome.

Of course i still have moments where I'm happy to burn the house down, but rebuilding after obliterating is so much harder than applying logic and adjusting - it also gets tiring depending on circumstances /relationships and the scar tissue always remains even if you've all moved on

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

Do you find it easy to express your thoughts? Or do you hibernate? Stay cool?

You get the idea, even with the myriad of prompts. :D

All depends on the other person, doesn't it?

If you think they're capable of having a rational discussion about it, then crack on.

If you know they're just going to rant, rave and not listen, then you just wish them good day and walk on."

A sensible answer from you? I think I must be still tipsy.

No, it's sensible. Kind of neatly ties in with the fuck it ethos doesn't it? You've tried/know they won't listen. Fuck it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm not afraid of conflict. People think that conflict has to be shouting or being aggressive, when it's not the case. You can argue your case, stand up for yourself and call someone out in a cool calm manner.

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By *ansoffateMan
over a year ago

Sagittarius A

I am pretty good at dealing with conflict.

The vast majority of the time, giving them the space to have their say and hearing them out calms the situation. Then checking my understanding with them, usually confirms to them that they have been understood.

Most people are usually receptive to hearing my views at that point. People tend to listen once they feel heard.

If they aren't willing to be reasonable or compromise etc at that point I'll just explain that's why I am withdrawing from the discussion with them. I am usually quite happy to disagree and accept if they can't do that it's their problem.

I tend to have issues with people that try to assume power over me in some way and try to use aggression to exert their will. I don't back down to it. Well I say I have issues, it's more that they throw a tantrum when it doesn't work.

Heated debate is fine, I'm accustomed to emotional expressiv

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By *he Mac LassWoman
over a year ago

Hefty Hideaway

It depends who it’s with really.

At work, I’m a pro. Calm, cool, collected and able to reason.

With friends, more or less the same.

With partners or close family I can absolutely lose my shit and make no sense at all. I guess my emotions get the better of me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Do you find it easy to express your thoughts? Or do you hibernate? Stay cool?

You get the idea, even with the myriad of prompts. :D

All depends on the other person, doesn't it?

If you think they're capable of having a rational discussion about it, then crack on.

If you know they're just going to rant, rave and not listen, then you just wish them good day and walk on.

A sensible answer from you? I think I must be still tipsy.

No, it's sensible. Kind of neatly ties in with the fuck it ethos doesn't it? You've tried/know they won't listen. Fuck it."

I can do sensible when I can't think of anything amusing to say.

But let's face it, that's not often

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'll say what I think regardless, I wont have petty conflict or arguments with people. It's not worth my time.

If they don't like that I'd tell them to kiss my arse on the way to the exit located behind me!

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By *orksRockerMan
over a year ago

Bradford

[Removed by poster at 18/06/23 12:41:07]

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By *ohndom2023Man
over a year ago

Hastings/Greenwich

I am confused is the exit behind you your arse?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Do you find it easy to express your thoughts? Or do you hibernate? Stay cool?

You get the idea, even with the myriad of prompts. :D"

At work, I go weirdly cold. Calm. Almost quiet. Drop the voice low, monotone.

Reason being, if I lash out like other colleagues, HR will be on me in a flash.

Otherwise, outside of that environment, I can be pretty quick to flare up over the trivial stuff, hyperbolic and exaggerated. Shocker.

When I'm deeply hurt though, I retreat, go quiet. Borderline hide away.

Guess where the fuck I'm at today!

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

Totally depends on the situation and how irate it gets, I'm not good at all with conflict general tit for tat in the forums or minor disagreements I'm absolutely fine, raised voices and anger I'm definitely not, I shake and go straight into fight it flight mode.

Mrs

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By *orksRockerMan
over a year ago

Bradford

"[Removed by poster at 18/06/23 12:41:07]"

I was going to say something, no... Not going to go there.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I am confused is the exit behind you your arse?"

No, it's where people get told to go if they start spouting bollocks

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By *wist my nipplesCouple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly

"I'm conflict averse, but I'm a great harmoniser and mediator and fairly cool head when it comes to resolving differences and helping others to achieve harmony.

With those i know i can't influence positively, i just avoid any interactions beyond politeness for my own mental health "

Exactly this! I used to run from any conflict but have got better at keeping calm in the moment. Still do that thing of thinking of an excellent point later, though

Mrs TMN x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm quite good at dealing with difficult situations as I do it most days through work.

As we are the end line for most of our customers, I often have to deal with angry and frustrated people, who unfortunately think we can solve their situation instantaneously, when it rarely is that simple.

I've getting used to it over the years

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm no good at conflict. I hate confrontation or arguments and will do anything to avoid them x

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By *929Man
over a year ago

newcastle

In the vast majority of situations I’ll sincerely try and be as nice and apologetic and try and defuse the situation, If the person is still wanting to argue or be a twat after that ill simply state I’ve tried being nice tell them to fuck off and let them decide how it goes from there

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

Taking time away to think about a situation isn't necessarily a bad thing, I guess how it's handled is the important thing?

I used to absolutely loathe it, mainly because of previous experiences of it. I was very much a let's discuss it now, done, move on in whatever direction. Now I'm learning to give myself time to think, and others. Slowly learning mind. But still learning! :D

I don't like the verbal lashing out etc because I think when something has been said/done, you can't easily take it back.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Any conflict resolution experts want to come resolve some ongoing conflict in the forums?

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

Do you find it easy to express your thoughts? Or do you hibernate? Stay cool?

You get the idea, even with the myriad of prompts. :D

At work, I go weirdly cold. Calm. Almost quiet. Drop the voice low, monotone.

Reason being, if I lash out like other colleagues, HR will be on me in a flash.

Otherwise, outside of that environment, I can be pretty quick to flare up over the trivial stuff, hyperbolic and exaggerated. Shocker.

When I'm deeply hurt though, I retreat, go quiet. Borderline hide away.

Guess where the fuck I'm at today! "

It was actually our discussion that prompted this thread. I'd know how I'd handle things and it got me thinking - how would others. And now there's this thread.

If you want to hide and fancy some company, I'm always around. x

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By *e renard de la campagneMan
over a year ago

Surrey mostly when over

I’m generally a laid back chap so tend to try to avoid, be calm and polite, listen to the other position, and defuse xx

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By *ed VoluptaWoman
over a year ago

Wirral.

If the person I'm in conflict with means something to me, I'll happily thrash it out.

If they have no bearing on my life, I just walk away.

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

Do you find it easy to express your thoughts? Or do you hibernate? Stay cool?

You get the idea, even with the myriad of prompts. :D

This is beautiful Estella.

Denying them the opportunity to be closer to me really resonates. You know how I could be with conflict - now I'm finding myself more and more aligned with your way of approaching it.

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By *hrista BellendWoman
over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

Very well, I'm very calm and collected and rapid with fact. However if someone just wants to shout at me and not stop, then I walk. Else I'm quite happy for people to vent to me

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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago

London

Do you find it easy to express your thoughts? Or do you hibernate? Stay cool?

You get the idea, even with the myriad of prompts. :D

This is beautiful Estella.

Denying them the opportunity to be closer to me really resonates. You know how I could be with conflict - now I'm finding myself more and more aligned with your way of approaching it. "

Love you, lady xx

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

Not well tbh. I don't like nastiness.

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By *ools and the brainCouple
over a year ago

couple, us we him her.

Do you find it easy to express your thoughts? Or do you hibernate? Stay cool?

You get the idea, even with the myriad of prompts. :D"

Funnily enough I had a situation at work the other day when a colleague lost his shit because I was trying to tidy up a job as we was going along rather than having crap and rubble everywhere I was trying to bag it up and keep the mess down.

He is a particularly aggressive chap and very vocal swearing and basically acting like a twat.

We work in public buildings such as schools and the like. I didn't understand why he was being so aggressive.

I just walked away and left him to it, came back from collecting some materials and he was acting like nothing had happened

Meh people are assholes I don't lower myself to their level, I've been in the building trade for close to 40 year's and I've had to deal with all sorts of people,life is too short for conflict unless totally unavoidable then I walk away.

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

I'm pretty chill most of the time.

There's not much on here that ruffle my feathers; even people making derogatory remarks doesn't affect me.

In real life I might have a very short flash of anger, then my brain kicks in and it subsides.

There's always a reason why people do what they do, and I empathise with them, rather than argue. I'd rather help someone than hinder them.

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

My son is quite confrontational and moans constantly about trivial things.

I try to ignore it but he'll then tell me I'm being passive aggressive.

I know he stresses about things and needs things done his way, so I swallow and appease him.

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

I was surprised by how contentious the thread about getting into stranger's cars became. But I felt very supported by most of the women who responded. Sisterhood rocks

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By *andyfloss2000Woman
over a year ago

ashford

Just stick to my opinions without getting cross or resorting to rudness! X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m not a cool, calm and collected kind of person, I can loose my shit pretty quickly so I mostly try to avoid getting into any heated arguments on here. My friends and family know that if I go quiet just to leave me be for a while to calm down and collect my thoughts before talking it out without it turning into a bigger issue.

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By *oggoneMan
over a year ago

Derry

The big dividing line for me is my level of emotional investment. If I'm not then I can be pretty clinical, not always but my analytical side keeps me in check.

If there is an emotional interest, then its a different story. I will do my best to avoid conflict but that's not always possible.

Then there's arguing on internet forums with people I don't know.......

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There is a conflict in my life at the moment, where I want to resolve so desperately but without losing my self in the process, but I'm met with anger and hostility. I will bare my soul and admit to mistakes but I am damned if I do and damned if I don't. I am set to fail at every turn or I can say goodbye to all my limits, boundaries, dignity and more and let another have control and walk all over me forever.

How do I deal with it?

I cry.

Daily.

Every other conflict pales into insignificance or just an annoyance where my patience is thin and I don't have the capacity to deal with things that don't break my heart like this big does. What I stand to lose means a world's to me. Yet I have to stand back and accept it and allow it without a choice.

I hate conflict.

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By *ruceyyMan
over a year ago

London

I can get heated when I think someone is acting like a total shitbag and I'm a REALLY bad d*unk if I get to blackout like levels (great until then!)

Other than that I'm pretty damn cool and will just give people gentle shit if they deserve it in a fun way

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By *issBehave69Man
over a year ago

Kilmarnock

I studied conflict resolution and it all depends on the situation.

Personally speaking if it was on here I’d just ignore and block them… Fab isn’t really serious enough to get wound up by.

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By *oggoneMan
over a year ago

Derry

"There is a conflict in my life at the moment, where I want to resolve so desperately but without losing my self in the process, but I'm met with anger and hostility. I will bare my soul and admit to mistakes but I am damned if I do and damned if I don't. I am set to fail at every turn or I can say goodbye to all my limits, boundaries, dignity and more and let another have control and walk all over me forever.

How do I deal with it?

I cry.

Daily.

I hate conflict."

One person on their own can't solve conflict. It takes all parties wanting to find a solution. Solutions invariably require compromise. If one party wants victory then that means a loser somewhere.

If you can only lose, don't play. Look after yourself.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don’t like conflict. I don’t like arguing. But I will if I think they’re being a dick.

I’ll also try to cool it down if I like them and I don’t want them to be a dick.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How do I deal with it?

I cry.

Daily.

I hate conflict.

One person on their own can't solve conflict. It takes all parties wanting to find a solution. Solutions invariably require compromise. If one party wants victory then that means a loser somewhere.

If you can only lose, don't play. Look after yourself."

I can only lose as they have no intention of resolving. That was confirmed this week. They want their demands met and won't settle for anything less. And that's not how resolves work.

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By *oggoneMan
over a year ago

Derry

How do I deal with it?

I cry.

Daily.

I hate conflict.

One person on their own can't solve conflict. It takes all parties wanting to find a solution. Solutions invariably require compromise. If one party wants victory then that means a loser somewhere.

If you can only lose, don't play. Look after yourself.

I can only lose as they have no intention of resolving. That was confirmed this week. They want their demands met and won't settle for anything less. And that's not how resolves work."

Arbitration isn't a option?

It's a tough one, from what you have said the other party wants to weaken/damage/diminish you. Here's 2 options, give it to them, walk away with the chance to rebuild. Or make the price of the conflict so high that everyone loses. Good luck, stay calm and don't make decisons when your blood is up.

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By *rincess-PeachWoman
over a year ago

irrelevant

I behave like my ten year old son. Cry, shout , rant, let it out , then forget it 3 seconds later and move on.

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By *uriousscouserWoman
over a year ago

Wirral

Online I am really not so invested in someone else's opinion that I'll bother having any awkward conversations. Think whatever you're going to think, say whatever you're going to say, no skin off my nose.

In work my life seems to revolve around conflict management and resolution - I'm good at finding common ground and good at negotiating, but can only do that if both sides are open to working on issues.

I used to be very blunt and quickly got myself into stalemates, but I've learned how to navigate more effectively now, leave us both space to manoeuvre.

Of course sometimes you just have to say "fuck it" and walk away.

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By *mf123Man
over a year ago

with one foot out the door

Depends how much i give a toss on the result

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

How do I deal with it?

I cry.

Daily.

I hate conflict."

I am so so sorry that you are going through this.

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By *agerMorganMan
over a year ago

Canvey Island

I was taught how to deal with conflict.

Stay calm, listen to what they have to say, empathise and then put your point across.

They feel listened to, you’re listened to and a common ground can be found.

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

How do I deal with it?

I cry.

Daily.

I hate conflict.

One person on their own can't solve conflict. It takes all parties wanting to find a solution. Solutions invariably require compromise. If one party wants victory then that means a loser somewhere.

If you can only lose, don't play. Look after yourself.

I can only lose as they have no intention of resolving. That was confirmed this week. They want their demands met and won't settle for anything less. And that's not how resolves work."

I'm really sorry you're going this currently PetiteWoman - it sounds very stressful and fucking crap.

Do you have anyone who can offer you a safe space to discuss things in greater detail? Sometimes it can be good to talk to another.

Only one person's demands being met isn't how you resolve things, you're right. It's also not fair when it reads like you have a lot to lose, x

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By *ed VoluptaWoman
over a year ago

Wirral.

How do I deal with it?

I cry.

Daily.

I hate conflict.

One person on their own can't solve conflict. It takes all parties wanting to find a solution. Solutions invariably require compromise. If one party wants victory then that means a loser somewhere.

If you can only lose, don't play. Look after yourself.

I can only lose as they have no intention of resolving. That was confirmed this week. They want their demands met and won't settle for anything less. And that's not how resolves work."

Sending you love & strength, Lovely. Here's to better things xx

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By *ehindHerEyesCouple
over a year ago

SomewhereOnlyWeKnow

I either go fight or flight, I'll either stand up for myself or I'll get angry. Or I'll run and hide from it and hope it goes away.

Tinder

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

"Depends on who it’s with. "

^^^This. And depends how much I feel I need to invest in resolution vs getting rid of that contact.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It can depend.

If it's a debating matter, I'm all up for that, I try to be direct, but not confrontational, though I can have off days.

If it's someone important to me or a serious matter, I'll likely think about it for some time.

I will speak to though, I hope others will treat me the same way too.

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