FabSwingers.com forum: Performance expectations

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Men do you feel a certain pressure of performing like a porn star in clubs and on first meets?

Women, do you expect your meets to be good or mind blowing?

Good morning!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have no expectations with meets. It's understandable that men feel pressured but I really wish they wouldn't. If I could give advice to anyone it's don't try to recreate a porno or be something you are not, just be you. It's not just your responsibility, it's our responsibility as women to make you feel comfortable and take that pressure away and if they don't male you feel that way, you're meeting the wrong person.

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

I generally go in with zero expectations I certainly wouldn't expect unrealistic porn style sex, if anyone tried I'd be slightly disappointed.

Mrs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Neither of us have any real expectations. I think as a guy you always feel a bit of pressure to perform but I don’t think trying crazy porn moves will help! Always better to just go with the mood and it’s great or it’s not, no point worrying about it

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By *vilsluggMan
over a year ago

"Men do you feel a certain pressure of performing like a porn star in clubs and on first meets?

I’ve never felt pressure to perform from partners but I suffer from anxiety so I put pressure on myself. It’s weird and often means I don’t cum in first or second meet even though we’ll play for quite a while.

Once I’ve relaxed and past the anxiety things go swimmingly

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't have any expectations.

I go in hoping that we get along and we have a giggle. Anything else is a bonus.

Its not just men who have a bit of anxiety over meeting people either. As a woman I certainly do too. I worry about all sorts before, during and after.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We have no expectations sexually of guys on meets, Mav explained all the pressures when we first started swinging as he was a single guy on the scene many years ago.

The only expectations we have are good hygiene, respectful and able to accept boundaries, in the bedroom then we want you to relax and enjoy yourself as its a 3 person experience. You aren't their for our entertainment we are all there for each others.

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By *andycandy88Woman
over a year ago

Northolt

My only expectation is manners respect consistency match my energy.

Its best to not have any other expectations it can lead to disappointments but when a meet goes well it's a lovely surprise.

Men should remember a woman would have the same pressure they do on a first meet so think how to make it easier on yourself and for her and mature women would be doing the same thing.

Only narrow-minded young minded females would see a meet as being all about her and not feeling the need to give the guy something back to enjoy and want to see her again if he's that type of guy. Xxxx

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By *avexxMan
over a year ago

cheshire

"I don't have any expectations.

I go in hoping that we get along and we have a giggle. Anything else is a bonus.

Its not just men who have a bit of anxiety over meeting people either. As a woman I certainly do too. I worry about all sorts before, during and after.,,this

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By *iltsTSgirlTV/TS
over a year ago

Chichester

I have had some people expect my cock to he like a rod of iron going in at full German Uboat ramming speed all the time and pumping cum like a fountain

They don’t seem to fathom being trans and pumped full of estrogen for over a decade pretty much wrecks your cock functioning as efficiently like a baseline chap

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By *ellhungvweMan
over a year ago

Cheltenham

I don’t feel any pressure to “perform” at all. I just go into a meet and have fun. Go with the flow, see what she likes and dislikes. Do more of the good stuff and less of the rest.

I think people over think meets - it’s just sex. You are not a performing seal.

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By *uckmonkeyMan
over a year ago

devon

"I have no expectations with meets. It's understandable that men feel pressured but I really wish they wouldn't. If I could give advice to anyone it's don't try to recreate a porno or be something you are not, just be you. It's not just your responsibility, it's our responsibility as women to make you feel comfortable and take that pressure away and if they don't male you feel that way, you're meeting the wrong person."

perfect response…

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By *lasphemousGirlWoman
over a year ago

Cambs

I have no expectations for anyone I meet, a go with the flow and no pressure attitude are hopefully enough for everyone to be comfortable enough to want to go further.

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By *ntrigued32Couple
over a year ago

Nottingham

I definitely don’t feel any pressure in a club, I have no idea how pornstars behave but it’s all still new to me so even the fact of someone watching sends me over the edge! It would be a shit porno!! A sketch show at best!!

Jo thinks it’s hilarious and I blame her for getting too excited!

it’s all fun and games

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By *AYENCouple
over a year ago

Lincolnshire

We would hope there's a lot more besides sex at a meet. For N the teasing, flirting and laughs are more important. If we wanted a porn star we'd hire one!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Men do you feel a certain pressure of performing like a porn star in clubs and on first meets?

Once I’ve relaxed and past the anxiety things go swimmingly

I'm a worrier too but I always cum. I could be fucking an alien from mars, I always cum.

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By *heekyDemandCouple
over a year ago

Leicester

(Mr)

Anxiety make it worse, it's taken years but all the stress and expectations have melted away and it's made my performance substantially better, which then improves my confidence, which improves performance, etc etc. There's something truly calming about making people orgasm for you, just enjoy it.

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By *ames-77Man
over a year ago

milton keynes

"Men do you feel a certain pressure of performing like a porn star in clubs and on first meets?

Women, do you expect your meets to be good or mind blowing?

Good morning! "

Interesting how you direct the performance pressure towards the male .. the females need to perform equally

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No I never have any expectations. I’d much rather we got on first and foremost and let it happen naturally. Putting unrealistic expectations on someone you’re meeting for the first time is really unfair.

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By *unx2019Couple
over a year ago

Moray

We try and not put pressure on guy or anybody. Usually have a nice coffee and chat before anything happens then if feels good take it to the bedroom. Even then if it doesn't happen more than willing to just chat, flirt and have other kinds of fun.

Lxx

We just life the excitement of meeting

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By *lamdaddyMan
over a year ago

London

A lovely genuine response from you again! How are those turtles?!

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By *lamdaddyMan
over a year ago

London

I actually don't personally feel pressure. It can be easy to worry you're not the best I've had and statistically depending on their experience you probably won't be.

If things are heading that way with someone I always make sure we know what each other like and establish what we are comfortable with. I LOVE first times with people, finally releasing that pent up sexual energy and once I'm grabbing that hair and kissing them, I will get hard. From there it's just about mixing it up. I've only heard good feedback anyway

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By *iscean_dreamMan
over a year ago

Llanelli

To be honest I don't, I think most people understand that now and then there's just no delaying the eruption but you can go again and enjoy other things before going again.

Most of the time it takes me more than enough time to orgasm and if she makes me do it quickly then kudos to her I say.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No actually I don’t. And I hope I never left anyone with any disappointments, I can only be me. And although I may have somekind of projected image in front of me, unless you get to know me, you’ll only see that.

So I can’t feel I need to deliver some expectation because I never expect anything myself. I want you as you are, and nothing fake.

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

No expectations from me at all. Its all about the connection.

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By *aucasian GhandiMan
over a year ago

from my dad's left nut (Warwick)

"Men do you feel a certain pressure of performing like a porn star in clubs and on first meets?

Women, do you expect your meets to be good or mind blowing?

Good morning! "

No expectations place on myself or others, except to make me squirt and hit the ceiling

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I expect them to be good as well. Nothing worse than someone stiff and not into it. But I do feel pressure to perform on first meets of course. But no more than they should too.

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

I think you create the pressure yourself, it’s a great feeling to really satisfy a woman and here lovely comments like ‘no more you’re killing me’ and ‘my legs don’t work’

In a club - no way I could do that in front of others , it’s like the most unattractive thing I can imagine

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

"Men do you feel a certain pressure of performing like a porn star in clubs and on first meets?

Women, do you expect your meets to be good or mind blowing?

Good morning!

Interesting how you direct the performance pressure towards the male .. the females need to perform equally "

It is interesting that sex is still primarily seen as men fucking women having to please them delivering one or more female orgasms and coming themselves at least once to be judged as acceptable performance.

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By *ezebel100Woman
over a year ago

Birmingham

I'm far too busy worrying about other things to put any pressure on my partner to perform. In any event I wouldn't want him to feel any pressure and I try my best to make sure things are relaxed and we can talk to each other.

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By *uzySuzyCouple
over a year ago

Lytham St Annes

All my fab hook ups seem to rise to the occasion ...v nicely

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By *lamdaddyMan
over a year ago

London

"All my fab hook ups seem to rise to the occasion ...v nicely

Checks your pics....

No shit?!

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By *ristinapinkWoman
over a year ago

Staines-upon-Thames

I don’t want a man to act, I want something real, passionate. Flirt and chemistry should rule the meet and people just follow what they feel

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don’t want a man to act, I want something real, passionate. Flirt and chemistry should rule the meet and people just follow what they feel "

*ahem*

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For me the "performance" (for want of a better word) is so much more than the inny outy bit.

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

"Men do you feel a certain pressure of performing like a porn star in clubs and on first meets?

Women, do you expect your meets to be good or mind blowing?

Good morning! "

That's a very heteronormative p in v way of looking at it isn't it?

So men have to "perform", women just have to hope for the best?

I'm going to reframe it slightly, mainly because I need iced coffee and a long, long shower.

I don't think there should be this societal pressure/expectation that men put in all the work. Easier said than done right? There's so much more to sex than jackhammering - being able to relax around the other person, delight in each other's bodies, laugh at the silliness of copulating, bask in being truly naked around someone else and feed off their desire of you.

I don't expect my dates/dalliances to be mind blowing.

But I do have something of an expectation, it would be foolish to say I don't.

I hope that whatever unfolds is pleasurable for all involved. And we're all able to relax into it and enjoy it.

That's the only expectation I have. It's more of a hope though.

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

Sex isn't a performance.

For me it's about turning each other on and pleasuring each other's bodies.

That is different between me and the different men I'm seeing.

I've only had a handful men who were so engrossed in making me and them cum, that it was boring and I got it over with quickly; or nervous and came very quickly and didn't do much; or thought I was there purely to suck their cock and be their concubine.

I take as much responsibility for sex to be enjoyable as the man.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Like a porn star?

God no. What an awful metric.

As an invested individual, that is attuned, aware and considerate to the needs of their partner, themselves and the two combined. Absolutely.

Do I just so happen to also fuck like a porn star? That's besides the point.

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By *t0600Man
over a year ago

elvedon

There are definitely expectations of a man to perform well on a first meet and there is no getting away from that

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

"Do I just so happen to also fuck like a porn star? That's besides the point."

Oh come now.

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By *TG3Man
over a year ago

Dorchester

"Men do you feel a certain pressure of performing like a porn star in clubs and on first meets?

Women, do you expect your meets to be good or mind blowing?

Good morning! "
no i never feel pressure

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By *ickshawedCouple
over a year ago

Wolverhampton

"Do I just so happen to also fuck like a porn star? That's besides the point.

Oh come now. "

That's exactly what I say when I want the sex to finish. Helps to have a commanding voice

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Do I just so happen to also fuck like a porn star? That's besides the point.

Oh come now. "

What?

My extreme humility malfunctions on my birthday. The veil has slipped, the true me revealed.

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

"Do I just so happen to also fuck like a porn star? That's besides the point.

Oh come now.

That's exactly what I say when I want the sex to finish. Helps to have a commanding voice

Teach me your ways O Wise Youthful One.

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By *ansoffateMan
over a year ago

Sagittarius A

I think there's a fine line between excitmemt and nerves.

I don't really think about sex initially. The 'chemistry' feeling emerges and if is mutual... I usually become so focused there's not much room for any thoughts by the time it gets to sex.

Depends on the woman, how she responds and expresses her desire.

I think what I'm saying is: if that's not there then it would feel like a performance and I am not interested in sex like that to begin with, so whether I would get anxious about it is a moot point.

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

"I think there's a fine line between excitmemt and nerves.

I don't really think about sex initially. The 'chemistry' feeling emerges and if is mutual... I usually become so focused there's not much room for any thoughts by the time it gets to sex.

Depends on the woman, how she responds and expresses her desire.

I think what I'm saying is: if that's not there then it would feel like a performance and I am not interested in sex like that to begin with, so whether I would get anxious about it is a moot point."

Oh this is such a brilliant response Hans! I love it.

The amount of men who've expressed disappointment in the performative sex they've had - whether that's because they've not enjoyed it, feel a bit disheartened... not entering that situation is a wise move.

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By *ucka39Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

I'm always like a porn star it would be pointless, otherwise where is the satisfaction...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think its as hard for women, not matter how experienced.. We're mostly all insecure about something and if the chemistry isn't there it's heart crushing

I had a message once asking me to rate my performance in bed out of 10

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By *ittlebirdWoman
over a year ago

The Big Smoke

I have no expectations.

But I’m really looking for a connection. Some electricity to flow between us. Then what happens next is always a bonus

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By *ansoffateMan
over a year ago

Sagittarius A

"I think there's a fine line between excitmemt and nerves.

I don't really think about sex initially. The 'chemistry' feeling emerges and if is mutual... I usually become so focused there's not much room for any thoughts by the time it gets to sex.

Depends on the woman, how she responds and expresses her desire.

I think what I'm saying is: if that's not there then it would feel like a performance and I am not interested in sex like that to begin with, so whether I would get anxious about it is a moot point.

Oh this is such a brilliant response Hans! I love it.

Thanks Meli.

I'd like to think it is wisdom, in truth I've probably just accepted that's my nature.

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