FabSwingers.com forum: Honest guv.

By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

There's a thread currently running that's got me thinking about honesty.

Are you honest? To yourself, to others? Even the "ugly" stuff. Is honesty important to you?

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By *eroLondonMan
over a year ago

Covent Garden

Yes I'm honest but only on an honest-to-know basis. But I'm candid enough to satisfy both parties.

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually

I think you already know that honesty is super important to me.

Some things, the confident front, the sarcasm, the little trivial technically lies, they're okay by me. So long as the important things are honest

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Too honest.

By far.

I'd do sincerely better if thoughts didn't leave my mouth instantly.

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

Yes. Although I don’t like being vocally honest with others because I don’t like offending people, and honesty usually upsets someone.

So I tend to think it and not say it, unless specifically asked.

I’m honest with myself. I’m aware of my faults.

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By *bw44DDWoman
over a year ago

Nottingham

Absolutely. I’ve been told I’m too honest before. Not sure how that’s possible. I’d never be rude or upset someone but honesty is massively important to me in every aspect. I would also personally much rather someone be honest with me than lie.

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By *ensuallover1000Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…

Honesty is absolutely intrinsic for me.

Admittedly, we’ve all doubtless told a few little lies here and there, but the BIG things - the IMPORTANT things - it has to be real for me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sometimes too honest, sometimes I don't say enough.

I don't always know which side of me will come out to play

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Always honest, only way I know how to be. Everyone that knows me, knows when they come to me I'll give my honest views on a situation whether they like to hear it or not. I appreciate the same in return from others.

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By *orthsouth4957Couple
over a year ago

Telford

Honesty is important to me ..

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By *hrek101Man
over a year ago

Herts

Don't see the point in not being so. I am a bit too honest sometimes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Honest all the way.

I know I’m too honest and that puts most people off but on the other hand everyone knows where they stand all the time.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm always honest with those I trust.

Bess x

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

No and I don't believe absolute honesty is always a good thing especially when it's opinion dressed in honesty's clothing with a pinch of 'the truth never hurt anybody ' thrown in

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By *oggoneMan
over a year ago

Derry

Gonna be contrary because of heat and say I disagree. I think we present certain truths and omit/conceal/diminish others. Sins of omission and all that.

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By *agerMorganMan
over a year ago

Canvey Island

Yes, and I’m quite honest with myself & others. I also expect the same honesty back.

I’d rather be upfront about things then deal with the consequences than let it drag on.

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By *hrista BellendWoman
over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

Brutally honest, but I don't impose my judgement of people unto them. Unless they are being a cunt of course

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"No and I don't believe absolute honesty is always a good thing especially when it's opinion dressed in honesty's clothing with a pinch of 'the truth never hurt anybody ' thrown in"

I think you can be honest with yourself and others and not always be horrible if that’s what you mean? I agree Lots of people are just horrible and dress it up as honesty but they can be nicer.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"No and I don't believe absolute honesty is always a good thing especially when it's opinion dressed in honesty's clothing with a pinch of 'the truth never hurt anybody ' thrown in

I think you can be honest with yourself and others and not always be horrible if that’s what you mean? I agree Lots of people are just horrible and dress it up as honesty but they can be nicer. "

I'm always honest *as far as possible* with myself. I think people have a hard time distinguishing between honesty and their opinion and when it's appropriate to keep your mouth firmly shut.

In other words unless someone asks you for the truth or you really think it's appropriate to tell it...shut the fuck up.

Sorry for my language

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By *oggoneMan
over a year ago

Derry

" opinion dressed in honesty's clothing with a pinch of 'the truth never hurt anybody ' thrown in"

That sounds faragey

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

" opinion dressed in honesty's clothing with a pinch of 'the truth never hurt anybody ' thrown in

That sounds faragey"

It sounds like very many people of influence currently

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By *oyahandrussCouple
over a year ago

Nr Rugby

"Too honest.

By far.

I'd do sincerely better if thoughts didn't leave my mouth instantly. "
Yep I totally agree as this is me too

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By *edeWoman
over a year ago

the abyss

I'm brutally honest to myself and like to think I am then honest to others.

Although I think there can be a line where honesty and self-preservation cross and blur the lines. For example I can mask my lack of self confidence and so am not being honest but then I usually tell people important to me

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By *mf123Man
over a year ago

with one foot out the door

No i lie to everyone about everything including myself did i ever tell you i once dived out of a shuttle as it flew into space cos i dropped a 5er out of my pocket and im tight with money

Ps thats the truth honest

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"Yes I'm honest but only on an honest-to-know basis. But I'm candid enough to satisfy both parties."

Honest-to-know. Very good Nerolatte.

Candid is a good choice of words, that implied directness and straightforward way of being I respect.

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"I think you already know that honesty is super important to me.

Some things, the confident front, the sarcasm, the little trivial technically lies, they're okay by me. So long as the important things are honest

I do know that Prey.

Little trivial technical lies I can understand. There's no point in hyperfixating on the minutiae is there? I don't think anyone is honest 100% of the time.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes I’m honest. And I’d rather be honest and true (even the ugly stuff) than a fake and a liar.

At least those who stick around and still like me are the ones who wanted the real me and not the version they had imagined and I had to keep up with. You know?

Friends don’t lie.

*one for the geeks.

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually

"I think you already know that honesty is super important to me.

Some things, the confident front, the sarcasm, the little trivial technically lies, they're okay by me. So long as the important things are honest

I do know that Prey.

Little trivial technical lies I can understand. There's no point in hyperfixating on the minutiae is there? I don't think anyone is honest 100% of the time. "

When has no point in hyperfixating ever prevented a hyperfixation?

There are some things which are technically lies by omission, but saying them in full would only hurt someone, they wouldn't change anything or help anyone, just bring pain. I don't like to use those. But I know I do.

Not in a situation where the truth would provide a resolution or where the lack of knowledge would cause harm, of course.

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By *icker20.Man
over a year ago

Swindon

Too honest...

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By *oggoneMan
over a year ago

Derry

"I think you already know that honesty is super important to me.

Some things, the confident front, the sarcasm, the little trivial technically lies, they're okay by me. So long as the important things are honest

I do know that Prey.

Little trivial technical lies I can understand. There's no point in hyperfixating on the minutiae is there? I don't think anyone is honest 100% of the time.

When has no point in hyperfixating ever prevented a hyperfixation?

Not in a situation where the truth would provide a resolution or where the lack of knowledge would cause harm, of course."

This is interesting. I'm on the spectrum and the concept that people lied to my face to let me gently or conceal the truth for another reason was hard to understand. I don't think they did it for my benefit.

It took me far to long to understand that everything other than an enthusiastic yes was a fuck no.

So I know there's valid reason when to conceal the truth, personal safety coming to mind but I think people are less than honest for their benefit. An cliche example being 'it's not you, it's me'

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"There are some things which are technically lies by omission, but saying them in full would only hurt someone, they wouldn't change anything or help anyone, just bring pain. I don't like to use those. But I know I do.

Not in a situation where the truth would provide a resolution or where the lack of knowledge would cause harm, of course.

It took me far to long to understand that everything other than an enthusiastic yes was a fuck no.

So I know there's valid reason when to conceal the truth, personal safety coming to mind but I think people are less than honest for their benefit. An cliche example being 'it's not you, it's me'"

Ah I'm going to come back to the other posts but this really resonates with me.

I'm on the spectrum as well, I don't think people are aware of how jarring that dissonance between the truth and the lie can be; say in conversation something is discussed - like I'm drinking a chocolate milkshake. Later they'll say how much they enjoyed that strawberry milkshake and it's just... like a discordant chord is being repeatedly slammed.

It can be really hard to explain to NT folk how I view the whole thing. Luckily I have a few friends on the spectrum who have a greater, perhaps more empathetic

understanding.

I'm learning to be more understanding of lying in omission - the world is a glorious greyscape rather than a black and white film.

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By *oggoneMan
over a year ago

Derry

Not in a situation where the truth would provide a resolution or where the lack of knowledge would cause harm, of course.

It took me far to long to understand that everything other than an enthusiastic yes was a fuck no.

So I know there's valid reason when to conceal the truth, personal safety coming to mind but I think people are less than honest for their benefit. An cliche example being 'it's not you, it's me'

Ah I'm going to come back to the other posts but this really resonates with me.

It can be really hard to explain to NT folk how I view the whole thing. Luckily I have a few friends on the spectrum who have a greater, perhaps more empathetic

understanding.

I'm learning to be more understanding of lying in omission - the world is a glorious greyscape rather than a black and white film."

My status status today is 'The only thing in life that's black an white is dalmatians' I will edit shortly.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In the past I was a big people pleaser which was mainly down to self worth issues.

After my divorce I had to do a lot of self reflection and self exploration.

After years of work I'm honest and direct about everything, owning my light and shadow aspects.

I think that when you hide from truths you just create cracks for trauma and/or insecurities to grow like tumours.

Also, as part of an ENM relationship honesty is a must for maintaining a healthy balanced relationship

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By *ookie46Woman
over a year ago

Deepest darkest Peru

"Sometimes too honest, sometimes I don't say enough.

I don't always know which side of me will come out to play

This is me

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By *uriousscouserWoman
over a year ago

Wirral

I'm as honest to myself as I can be, given my implicit bias towards my own point of view. I do try to practice self-reflection.

Towards others I'm honest to a point, but not if that honesty causes unnecessary hurt. I'd rather say nothing than be hurtful.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm another spectrummy person. I hope I'm now honest with a good dose of tact throw in, but I used to just be honest, sans tact, and that tended to go down like a lead balloon. I was never one of those people who delight in causing disharmony under the guise of "just being honest", it always mortified me to have offended anyone. Withholding truths in order to spare people's feelings was a tough and confusing learning curve as an autistic kid/teenager.

Nell

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By *skyouneverknowMan
over a year ago

Calne

I try to be both honest and kind - when there's a conflict kindness trumps honesty

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh, and something that REALLY confused me was discovering that when you tell people you're very honest they immediately think that you're lying and not to be trusted

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By *aximus74Woman
over a year ago

Manchester

"There's a thread currently running that's got me thinking about honesty.

Are you honest? To yourself, to others? Even the "ugly" stuff. Is honesty important to you?"

I'm always honest, can't abide liars

Honesty is the best policy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"No and I don't believe absolute honesty is always a good thing especially when it's opinion dressed in honesty's clothing with a pinch of 'the truth never hurt anybody ' thrown in

I think you can be honest with yourself and others and not always be horrible if that’s what you mean? I agree Lots of people are just horrible and dress it up as honesty but they can be nicer.

I'm always honest *as far as possible* with myself. I think people have a hard time distinguishing between honesty and their opinion and when it's appropriate to keep your mouth firmly shut.

In other words unless someone asks you for the truth or you really think it's appropriate to tell it...shut the fuck up.

Sorry for my language"
don’t. It turns me on seeing you like this

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By *mber81Woman
over a year ago

Lives in Preston, Eng

Not in a situation where the truth would provide a resolution or where the lack of knowledge would cause harm, of course.

It took me far to long to understand that everything other than an enthusiastic yes was a fuck no.

So I know there's valid reason when to conceal the truth, personal safety coming to mind but I think people are less than honest for their benefit. An cliche example being 'it's not you, it's me'

Ah I'm going to come back to the other posts but this really resonates with me.

It can be really hard to explain to NT folk how I view the whole thing. Luckily I have a few friends on the spectrum who have a greater, perhaps more empathetic

understanding.

I'm learning to be more understanding of lying in omission - the world is a glorious greyscape rather than a black and white film."

Totally relate to you both too. Also ND ADHD.

I am very very honest with myself. And I prefer to spend time with people who are honest and can handle honesty. But I am also kind. I am not splurting my honesty everywhere. If you ask if you look good in something I will be kind but honest based on my opinion. You don't ask me I won't say anything.

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

I'm very honest, even the ugly stuff, I don't really understand why you'd not be it doesn't really gain anything.

Mrs

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By *oggoneMan
over a year ago

Derry

"I'm another spectrummy person. I hope I'm now honest with a good dose of tact throw in, but I used to just be honest, sans tact, and that tended to go down like a lead balloon. I was never one of those people who delight in causing disharmony under the guise of "just being honest", it always mortified me to have offended anyone. Withholding truths in order to spare people's feelings was a tough and confusing learning curve as an autistic kid/teenager.

Nell"

That is indeed the other side of it. It was difficult to understand why saying what was obvious was considered rude or inappropriate. It would a lie to say that I still don't struggle with this.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"No and I don't believe absolute honesty is always a good thing especially when it's opinion dressed in honesty's clothing with a pinch of 'the truth never hurt anybody ' thrown in

I think you can be honest with yourself and others and not always be horrible if that’s what you mean? I agree Lots of people are just horrible and dress it up as honesty but they can be nicer.

I'm always honest *as far as possible* with myself. I think people have a hard time distinguishing between honesty and their opinion and when it's appropriate to keep your mouth firmly shut.

In other words unless someone asks you for the truth or you really think it's appropriate to tell it...shut the fuck up.

Sorry for my language don’t. It turns me on seeing you like this"

From what I have read Mr P you are experiencing a peak in your turned onness.

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually

It took me a long time to realise there were shades of grey. I still find a lot of things are very much one way or the other, but almost everything has elements of the other side if you overthink it to death.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

It took me a long time to learn that people lied. I believed that truthfulness was the default position for everyone because it was for me.

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By *omething4theweekend2023Couple
over a year ago

newcastle

"There's a thread currently running that's got me thinking about honesty.

Are you honest? To yourself, to others? Even the "ugly" stuff. Is honesty important to you?"

Lies and mistruths are part of life.

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By *rC99Man
over a year ago

Liverpool

Honestly i'm a lot more honest than a certain Boris .

But then it would be hard to find someone who isn't.

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"Yes. Although I don’t like being vocally honest with others because I don’t like offending people, and honesty usually upsets someone.

So I tend to think it and not say it, unless specifically asked.

I’m honest with myself. I’m aware of my faults. "

It can do. But, and I don't mean this as a slight, isn't it better to give people that choice sometimes?

You answered the other question! Thank you, x Knowing yourself fully isn't easy, I don't think we ever do - we're far too nuanced and fluid. You can be aware of less than negative traits (as well as positive ones) though.

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By *MisschiefxTV/TS
over a year ago

London

Yep I'm very honest. It bugs how happy general society is to just live in a world of comforting lies.

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By *igjonny090Man
over a year ago

blackpool and Manchester

I tried to hide stuff for years about myself and it all ended up screwing me up mentally and physically, now I’m an open book honest as I can be and avoid anything that may be considered a lie unless it’s unavoidable

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By *929Man
over a year ago

newcastle

Yes I’m a big believer in being honest and also believe once a person lies I won’t ever trust anything that person says again

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

I don’t do fake, not even to myself. I tried to change once but just wasn’t me.

The mr

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By *weetCherryWoman
over a year ago

London

100% honest and I think is essential for trust building in any kind of relationships

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By *phialtesMan
over a year ago

Beyond the Wall

Any one claiming they are always honest, is not being honest. Honesty is not always the best policy. The truth can hurt, a lot.

So its less so much about how honest are they being with me, or me with myself, and more about what are the implications to me around any potential dishonesty.

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

Not in a situation where the truth would provide a resolution or where the lack of knowledge would cause harm, of course.

It took me far to long to understand that everything other than an enthusiastic yes was a fuck no.

So I know there's valid reason when to conceal the truth, personal safety coming to mind but I think people are less than honest for their benefit. An cliche example being 'it's not you, it's me'

Ah I'm going to come back to the other posts but this really resonates with me.

It can be really hard to explain to NT folk how I view the whole thing. Luckily I have a few friends on the spectrum who have a greater, perhaps more empathetic

understanding.

I'm learning to be more understanding of lying in omission - the world is a glorious greyscape rather than a black and white film.

My status status today is 'The only thing in life that's black an white is dalmatians' I will edit shortly."

What about zebras?

And 'Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid'?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No.

I am full of shit and I lie all of the time.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm not honest all the time and can be guilty of saying things people want to hear so I don't create conflict.

Although I do think people can be a bit self righteous about "being honest all the time and telling it like it is". They're genuine, but a genuine twat/knobend/child that lack tact

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By *2000ManMan
over a year ago

Worthing

Yes 100% honest....sorry forgot the

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By *obilebottomMan
over a year ago

All over

Of course honesty is the foundation of good relationships and good communications with others, not forgetting being honest with yourself too. However as was said before there might be times when its appropriate to say nothing at all, or even embelish the truth slightly, if you are going to cause a big upset and distress and what you are actually not entirely honest about is no a biggy at all. A little white lie or a zipped mouth can sometimes save someone a lot of heartache.

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By *ansoffateMan
over a year ago

Sagittarius A

What's that phrase: authenticity includes honesty but it is never intended to be to recipient's detriment.

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"I'm not honest all the time and can be guilty of saying things people want to hear so I don't create conflict.

Although I do think people can be a bit self righteous about "being honest all the time and telling it like it is". They're genuine, but a genuine twat/knobend/child that lack tact"

Ah yes definitely! It happens a fair bit in life doesn't it? Also "genuine" doesn't actually mean right, even if they think they are.

There was a thread Pickles did about caring about how people view you or something? I really want to find that.

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By *andC1000Couple
over a year ago

Ashford

[Removed by poster at 23/06/23 07:02:27]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Absolutely honest and blunt -- unless there's a chance of getting my dick wet, and then I'll tell you anything you want to hear

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By *oppolocosTV/TS
over a year ago

inverurie

Yes and yes.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Extremely honest with those closest to me.

Honest to a degree with others, I may skirt around the edges a little rather than being brutally honest.

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