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I have a cucumber

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By *ickshawed OP   Couple
over a year ago

Wolverhampton

I don't want to forget about it and find it rotten at the bottom of the fridge like the last two.

I seek suggestions as to what I should do with it. Points for the more outlandish suggestions

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Stick sewing needles in it and make a cactus for your coffee table centre piece.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Take a picture with it next to your husbands penis

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By *ai24Man
over a year ago

Hull

Cover it in butter, hold one end firmly then beat some one with it.

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By *estarossa.Woman
over a year ago

Flagrante

Use it as a dance pole for your barbie dolls

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By *apidaryMan
over a year ago

Glasgow

Slice lengthwise into quarter inch slices, char over hot coals, serve with sour cream warmed wish dashi, smoked olive oil and a last minute dash of sesame oil.

Try it once, you'll never not want it again. Unlike the other suggestions.

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By *oggoneMan
over a year ago

Derry

Let's take a moment to remember this cucumber and all cucumbers that went off in the fridge.

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By *uckmonkeyMan
over a year ago

devon


"I don't want to forget about it and find it rotten at the bottom of the fridge like the last two.

I seek suggestions as to what I should do with it. Points for the more outlandish suggestions "

Store it in your knickers just to remind you…

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By *hunky GentMan
over a year ago

Maldon and Peterborough

Carve a face into it and stand it upright in the fridge.

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By *uckmonkeyMan
over a year ago

devon


"Let's take a moment to remember this cucumber and all cucumbers that went off in the fridge. "

Too many fallen hero’s still in their plastic suits to remember…..

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By *uckmonkeyMan
over a year ago

devon

Find an old jar, fill with water, vinegar, salt, and pickling herbs or spices and add said cucumber chopped….. now it shouldn’t go off as quick….

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan
over a year ago

Den of Iniquity

Coincidentally it's National Cucumber Day today

More importantly though is National Strawberry Cheesecake Day

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By *ickshawed OP   Couple
over a year ago

Wolverhampton


"Stick sewing needles in it and make a cactus for your coffee table centre piece."

It would be a rather bare cactus. I only have a couple of sewing needles

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By *ickshawed OP   Couple
over a year ago

Wolverhampton


"Take a picture with it next to your husbands penis "

Booooooring. Next!

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By *ickshawed OP   Couple
over a year ago

Wolverhampton


"Cover it in butter, hold one end firmly then beat some one with it. "

That's one heck of a kink you've got

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By *ickshawed OP   Couple
over a year ago

Wolverhampton


"Use it as a dance pole for your barbie dolls"

I love it! Ken can watch and salivate

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By *ickshawed OP   Couple
over a year ago

Wolverhampton


"Slice lengthwise into quarter inch slices, char over hot coals, serve with sour cream warmed wish dashi, smoked olive oil and a last minute dash of sesame oil.

Try it once, you'll never not want it again. Unlike the other suggestions."

Maybe a grill. I don't tend to use coal

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By *ickshawed OP   Couple
over a year ago

Wolverhampton


"Let's take a moment to remember this cucumber and all cucumbers that went off in the fridge. "

Thoughts and prayers. Thoughts and prayers (pray)

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By *ickshawed OP   Couple
over a year ago

Wolverhampton


"I don't want to forget about it and find it rotten at the bottom of the fridge like the last two.

I seek suggestions as to what I should do with it. Points for the more outlandish suggestions

Store it in your knickers just to remind you…"

But then where would I put all my vibrators?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Set up a webcam to record it 24/7 documenting its slow decay...then sell the video as a modern art installation called "MANkinds collapse"

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By *ickshawed OP   Couple
over a year ago

Wolverhampton


"Carve a face into it and stand it upright in the fridge. "

To scare me off eating? Could be helpful

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By *uckmonkeyMan
over a year ago

devon


"I don't want to forget about it and find it rotten at the bottom of the fridge like the last two.

I seek suggestions as to what I should do with it. Points for the more outlandish suggestions

Store it in your knickers just to remind you…

But then where would I put all my vibrators? "

2 Stretchy holes you have I believe…

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Peel, slice very thinly, sprinkle with salt. Set aside for 20 min. Remove excess water, add soured cream and chopped Dill. Side dish for any classic meat meal instead of warm veg during the heatwave.

T

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't have outlandish suggestions. Don't waste another one

T

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By *ulieAndBeefCouple
over a year ago

Manchester-ish

Slice cucumber.

Add to a jug with lots of ice, half a bottle of Hendrick's and tonic water to the top

Enjoy the sunshine

Maybe wait till after 11am though.

B

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By *ai24Man
over a year ago

Hull


"Slice cucumber.

Add to a jug with lots of ice, half a bottle of Hendrick's and tonic water to the top

Enjoy the sunshine

Maybe wait till after 11am though.

B"

11am!? Explains the funny looks I got this am….

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By *eeliciouschaosWoman
over a year ago

Wherever

Talk to it, and apologise for your actions. Take it shopping, or even a spa day.

Be nice

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By *uckmonkeyMan
over a year ago

devon


"Talk to it, and apologise for your actions. Take it shopping, or even a spa day.

Be nice "

But don’t put sliced cucumber on its eyes as that’s just wrong…..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Post it through the neighbours letterbox and shout "The Martians have landed"

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod

over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

Permanently seal it airtight with preservatives and sealant and hey presto - a unique and entertaining dildo for all kinds of sexy shenanigans.

A

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Carve it into the shape of the Eiffel Tower. Spray paint it in a neon rainbow go online and buy it a lordship then announce its arrival on your local fb groups. Organise a town fair in its honour and take it on the top of an open top bus to meet the crowds

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By *uckmonkeyMan
over a year ago

devon


"Carve it into the shape of the Eiffel Tower. Spray paint it in a neon rainbow go online and buy it a lordship then announce its arrival on your local fb groups. Organise a town fair in its honour and take it on the top of an open top bus to meet the crowds "

I’d say alcohol but you don’t drink….

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By *ickshawed OP   Couple
over a year ago

Wolverhampton


"Find an old jar, fill with water, vinegar, salt, and pickling herbs or spices and add said cucumber chopped….. now it shouldn’t go off as quick…."

Very practical

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By *ickshawed OP   Couple
over a year ago

Wolverhampton


"Coincidentally it's National Cucumber Day today

More importantly though is National Strawberry Cheesecake Day "

I can definitely celebrate those days

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By *ickshawed OP   Couple
over a year ago

Wolverhampton


"Set up a webcam to record it 24/7 documenting its slow decay...then sell the video as a modern art installation called "MANkinds collapse"

"

But will it last longer than our current prime minister?

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By *ickshawed OP   Couple
over a year ago

Wolverhampton


"Peel, slice very thinly, sprinkle with salt. Set aside for 20 min. Remove excess water, add soured cream and chopped Dill. Side dish for any classic meat meal instead of warm veg during the heatwave.

T "

I've never peeled one before

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By *ickshawed OP   Couple
over a year ago

Wolverhampton


"I don't have outlandish suggestions. Don't waste another one

T"

I'll do my best

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By *ickshawed OP   Couple
over a year ago

Wolverhampton


"Slice cucumber.

Add to a jug with lots of ice, half a bottle of Hendrick's and tonic water to the top

Enjoy the sunshine

Maybe wait till after 11am though.

B"

I'm not a drinker I'm afraid, so I'll have to pass

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By *ools and the brainCouple
over a year ago

couple, us we him her.

Growing up I lived for a few years in a farming area of the country and I was advised in the strongest possible terms.

ALWAYS wash your cucumber before you eat it!

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By *ickshawed OP   Couple
over a year ago

Wolverhampton


"Talk to it, and apologise for your actions. Take it shopping, or even a spa day.

Be nice "

I shall endeavour to be kind to my salad

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Set up a webcam to record it 24/7 documenting its slow decay...then sell the video as a modern art installation called "MANkinds collapse"

But will it last longer than our current prime minister?"

I live in hope that it would outlast him, lol

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

Buy dip, cut it into batons and eat it with the dip.

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By *ickshawed OP   Couple
over a year ago

Wolverhampton


"Post it through the neighbours letterbox and shout "The Martians have landed""

I think they'll know it's not a martian. We do have healthy food here - it's not like we're in Scotland

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By *ools and the brainCouple
over a year ago

couple, us we him her.

Put it in a bikini and take it to the beach.

Guaranteed one of the local perverts will try and cop off with it.

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By *.T.Man
over a year ago

Glasgow

Cut it in half and put it

back in the fridge. The chances of forgetting both halves are 50% lover than forgetting the whole thing.

Ans if you do forget them, you've lost two halves rather than a full cucumber.

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By *he love catsCouple
over a year ago

South Wales

Scare next doors cat apparently they are scared of them.

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By *ehindHerEyesCouple
over a year ago

SomewhereOnlyWeKnow

Only a sensible answer from me....

Cucumber salad..

Cucumber

Red onions/spring onions

Sour cream

Garlic powder

Dill

Dash of red wine vinegar

Mix it all together and serve as a side dish

Tinder x

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By *ickshawed OP   Couple
over a year ago

Wolverhampton


"Permanently seal it airtight with preservatives and sealant and hey presto - a unique and entertaining dildo for all kinds of sexy shenanigans.

A"

But I've already done that with the butternut squash

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By *ickshawed OP   Couple
over a year ago

Wolverhampton


"Carve it into the shape of the Eiffel Tower. Spray paint it in a neon rainbow go online and buy it a lordship then announce its arrival on your local fb groups. Organise a town fair in its honour and take it on the top of an open top bus to meet the crowds "

Fabulous. A definite winner. Anyone know how much it costs to hire a bus?

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By *ickshawed OP   Couple
over a year ago

Wolverhampton


"Growing up I lived for a few years in a farming area of the country and I was advised in the strongest possible terms.

ALWAYS wash your cucumber before you eat it!"

But I like to play with my food. Should I wash it before or after?

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By *ickshawed OP   Couple
over a year ago

Wolverhampton


"Buy dip, cut it into batons and eat it with the dip."

Are we usurping Pringles here?

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By *ickshawed OP   Couple
over a year ago

Wolverhampton


"Put it in a bikini and take it to the beach.

Guaranteed one of the local perverts will try and cop off with it."

We're about as far from a beach as it's possible to be in this country. I'll take it down the canal instead

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By *hunky GentMan
over a year ago

Maldon and Peterborough

Forget the cucumber and have a munch on my gherkin instead

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By *ickshawed OP   Couple
over a year ago

Wolverhampton


"Cut it in half and put it

back in the fridge. The chances of forgetting both halves are 50% lover than forgetting the whole thing.

Ans if you do forget them, you've lost two halves rather than a full cucumber."

I love logic

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By *ickshawed OP   Couple
over a year ago

Wolverhampton


"Scare next doors cat apparently they are scared of them. "

Putting it near a pussy seems a waste

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By *ensuallover1000Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…

You should immediately take it in hand, go outside and hold it aloft in the air whilst shouting, ‘By the power of Greyskull, I have the poweeeeerrrrr!’

Also, if you have a pet cat, don’t forget to zap it with the flowing energy that will doubtless by now be engulfing you….

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By *arko2020Man
over a year ago

Sale

Shove it in your mouth then walk the streets asking every person you pass "I've lost my cucumber...have you seen it?!" - as best you can with a cucumber in your mouth!

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

I now have a cucumber of my own

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Slice it up and use it in Hendricks gin save a few slices for your eyes next morning enjoy

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod

over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset


"Permanently seal it airtight with preservatives and sealant and hey presto - a unique and entertaining dildo for all kinds of sexy shenanigans.

A

But I've already done that with the butternut squash "

Kinky!!

I like it.....

A

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Slice cucumber.

Use slices over eyes.

Get him to give you a home made facial: double cleanse, toner, exfoliation, mask, massage, serum, moisturiser, jizz.

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By *irtydevil666Man
over a year ago

bristol

Take it out of fridge throw it in the bin problem sorted.....

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By *ickshawed OP   Couple
over a year ago

Wolverhampton


"Only a sensible answer from me....

Cucumber salad..

Cucumber

Red onions/spring onions

Sour cream

Garlic powder

Dill

Dash of red wine vinegar

Mix it all together and serve as a side dish

Tinder x"

Sounds nice

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By *ickshawed OP   Couple
over a year ago

Wolverhampton


"Forget the cucumber and have a munch on my gherkin instead "

Already licking my lips in anticipation

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By *ickshawed OP   Couple
over a year ago

Wolverhampton


"You should immediately take it in hand, go outside and hold it aloft in the air whilst shouting, ‘By the power of Greyskull, I have the poweeeeerrrrr!’

Also, if you have a pet cat, don’t forget to zap it with the flowing energy that will doubtless by now be engulfing you…."

I'll have to wait until it's a bit cooler, but this sounds like fun

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By *hunkyBuggaMan
over a year ago

Devon

Carve it to look like a sky remote or lynx can

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By *ickshawed OP   Couple
over a year ago

Wolverhampton


"Shove it in your mouth then walk the streets asking every person you pass "I've lost my cucumber...have you seen it?!" - as best you can with a cucumber in your mouth! "

Well my neighbours already think we're weird..

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By *ickshawed OP   Couple
over a year ago

Wolverhampton


"I now have a cucumber of my own "

I am a trendsetter

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

If we're going sensible rather than outlandish (for that see above), I'm making a salad later with mine.

Steamed brown onion and mushroom, spinach (raw nettle works well when it's a bit younger), olives, peppers, cucumber, feta cheese, lemon juice and rind, olive oil, salt

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Slice it longways about 3inches

Lay on plate sprinkle salt and fresh lemon juice. Lovely

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