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"I don't think there is a right and wrong way, all couples and singles have their own ideas on what works for them. I wouldn't say anyone had the correct way, just follow your own path & do you. Mrs " I forgot to add the most important part for me is that we both enjoy this journey if one isn't happy then it stops with no questions. Mrs | |||
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"Because this topic came up this morning with a friend and it had me musing. Is there a right way to be kinky/a swinger/poly? What would you say is important to you, regardless of how you identify?" I think that the only right way is consensual. As long as everyone has fun everything else is ok | |||
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"I don't think there is a right and wrong way, all couples and singles have their own ideas on what works for them. I wouldn't say anyone had the correct way, just follow your own path & do you. Mrs " Aww I like this. Yes, it's very individual. I suppose there are core things that might be applicable across the board but yes. You do you. | |||
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"Dipping your handcuffs in marmalade. Good morning, friend. ![]() Oh you. That could work for the Paddington roleplay I've always wanted to try. Good morning friend. ![]() | |||
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"One persons right will be another’s wrong, the way I swing (or used to) kind of works for me so it’s my “right”. But probably wouldn’t be what many are looking for. And what’s important to me? Boobies. You know this! ( . Y . ) ![]() My "right". Yes, it's about who you're compatible with. They're not wrong, just not compatible. Of course I know about boobies. ![]() | |||
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"Respect for yourself and for respect for the people around you. If you can manage that you will enjoy your life as a kinky swinging sex god/goddess and you will help the people around to do the same. Sounds easy in my head but it can be a fecking tough job to get right all the time." Yes it can be. :D We're all going to fuck up from time to time but I like respect to yourself - there's a lot of talk on respect to others but respect to yourself is important. | |||
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"To be honest and civil at all times... Simple really " It's not quite so simple though is it? We're all human and feel things. And I think that there are differing levels of honesty if that makes sense? Joe Bloggs I probably wouldn't expect to be as honest. | |||
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"My experience is you need to chat quite a bit before you meet and find out a little of the boundaries, when you marry, it takes years to perfect sex between you, you can’t expect to join another couple and have immediate kinky fun." Ah boundaries is a good one, thanks. Yes, we all have them. Whether it's physical or personal. Being able to respect that is important, as is being able to express them without worry or holding back. | |||
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"Because this topic came up this morning with a friend and it had me musing. Is there a right way to be kinky/a swinger/poly? What would you say is important to you, regardless of how you identify?" All I'm saying is, I'm gonna recruit that peacock I spoke about and we gonna fuck shit up. You are you, fuck everyone else. You're glorious. Everyone else is shit. FACT (LOVE) | |||
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"The one important thing that seems to be lacking is respect. Sometimes people just see you as a 'woman down to bang' just because you're in this lifestyle. Actually there's a human being inside her and as I'm giving my body to you, the least I expect is respect." There's quite a disposable approach to it at times isn't there? I guess because people can be looking for fantasy fulfillment that can sometimes translate to people treating others as objects. It's pretty dehumanising if that's what you're not looking for (being mindful here some are actively looking for that!) | |||
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"Honesty, consent, communication and taking your sexual health seriously." Yes, sexual health is so important. You can't be responsible for anyone's but your own. Honesty is integral but there are varying degrees of it. Communication and consent? I think regardless of how you identify they matter a lot. | |||
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"Because this topic came up this morning with a friend and it had me musing. Is there a right way to be kinky/a swinger/poly? What would you say is important to you, regardless of how you identify? All I'm saying is, I'm gonna recruit that peacock I spoke about and we gonna fuck shit up. You are you, fuck everyone else. You're glorious. Everyone else is shit. FACT (LOVE) " Oh you ![]() ![]() | |||
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"I think the only right way is whats right for you personally There's too much gatekeeping in so many pastimes/lifestyles Just do what's right for you and as long as you communicate that clearly you should be ok " Ah gatekeeping! Yes, that's the term I was looking for but couldn't remember. Gatekeeping. Thank you. Clear communication seems to be a running theme. | |||
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"I don't think there's a right or wrong way to do any type of relationship so long as it works for all involved. We live in a world that's a bit obsessed with labels and sometimes they cause so many problems. As long as you can communicate openly, respect each other and have a willingness to make it work together then that's all that's needed ![]() Labels, categories, gatekeeping, no true scotsman.......... All so 2020s | |||
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"Because this topic came up this morning with a friend and it had me musing. Is there a right way to be kinky/a swinger/poly? What would you say is important to you, regardless of how you identify?" The only right way, is when all parties involved are happy. I personally dislike the gatekeeping of anything by people who think they know the best way to do something. Admittedly there are some things which for safety reasons is the right way. E.g. correct kind of candles for wax play. But anything that is more behavioural, everyone is different and that is awesome. | |||
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"Because this topic came up this morning with a friend and it had me musing. Is there a right way to be kinky/a swinger/poly? What would you say is important to you, regardless of how you identify?" Honesty and openness. ![]() | |||
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"Informed, enthusiastic consent is absolutely key for me. Trying to trick me into situations that I find distasteful through a lack of honesty is not okay. Throwing your kink in my face without consent is not okay. I like a lot of things. I also dislike a lot of things. The people who like things different to me aren't wrong and are more than welcome to do their thing off with people who like those things too. Whatever consenting adults do with each other is fine in my book, as long as that informed and enthusiastic consent is there ![]() Another person who likes the term enthusiastic consent ![]() | |||
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"Anyone that doesn't begin with a 'let the best person win' handshake is a total newb in my opinion " Newb takes me back to my gamer days. ![]() | |||
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"Informed, enthusiastic consent is absolutely key for me. Trying to trick me into situations that I find distasteful through a lack of honesty is not okay. Throwing your kink in my face without consent is not okay. I like a lot of things. I also dislike a lot of things. The people who like things different to me aren't wrong and are more than welcome to do their thing off with people who like those things too. Whatever consenting adults do with each other is fine in my book, as long as that informed and enthusiastic consent is there ![]() ![]() And does enthusiastic consent mean explicit and overt? Is it ever implied? | |||
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"And does enthusiastic consent mean explicit and overt? Is it ever implied?" Of course. I don't need every action to have a clear query and absolute yes spoken aloud beforehand. But I need to know that it's enthusiastic. That it's something everyone involved genuinely wants, knowing any relevant information, and never just going along with it because they feel they have to. With newer people, I may need more words. With my partners, a look, the way certain muscles twitch, the way they show consent doesn't need to be as cut and dry as the words. | |||
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"I don't think there's a right or wrong way to do any type of relationship so long as it works for all involved. We live in a world that's a bit obsessed with labels and sometimes they cause so many problems. As long as you can communicate openly, respect each other and have a willingness to make it work together then that's all that's needed ![]() Aww Wyld, you romantic soul. ![]() | |||
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"Yes. There is absolutely a wrong and a right way to do these things. The thing about that, though, is that the ways are as individual as the people who do them, despite the fact they often have similar facets. My right way might be someone else's entirely wrong way, but I'd hope that the overlap would come with the ideas of respect, openness and honesty. Mind you, the old, optimistic me would have hoped that the ideas of respect, openness and honesty would have been a given. So, realistically, I'm not feeling that my hopes will be fulfilled here." Oh they can be. I'm an eternal optimist, possibly still naive. I think openness, honesty and respect can be found on here. People are flawed but on the whole they're not bad. Some are actually brilliant. Things happen but I'll keep forgiving and hoping I'll find the values that align with mine. I hope that you find that optimism again Posh, x | |||
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"Yes. There is absolutely a wrong and a right way to do these things. The thing about that, though, is that the ways are as individual as the people who do them, despite the fact they often have similar facets. My right way might be someone else's entirely wrong way, but I'd hope that the overlap would come with the ideas of respect, openness and honesty. Mind you, the old, optimistic me would have hoped that the ideas of respect, openness and honesty would have been a given. So, realistically, I'm not feeling that my hopes will be fulfilled here." Yeah you're not half-bad for a posh bird are ya? ![]() | |||
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"There is no right way, as nearly every post has already stated, only what's right for each individual involved. It's my job to know my boundaries and communicate them effectively, and I'd hope that others would do the same in return. If anyone tries to tell me I'm doing swinging/kink/ENM wrong, or that I should be fine with something I'm not comfortable with, I'd be removing them from my Christmas card list pretty darn quick. Or I'd set LilB on them. Probably both. As some famous dude once said, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you”. That's an excellent code for personal conduct, but it goes the other way too. If someone is doing shitty things to me that I know they'd not be OK with themselves then they aren't good people to be around. Nell" ![]() ![]() | |||
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"Yes. There is absolutely a wrong and a right way to do these things. The thing about that, though, is that the ways are as individual as the people who do them, despite the fact they often have similar facets. My right way might be someone else's entirely wrong way, but I'd hope that the overlap would come with the ideas of respect, openness and honesty. Mind you, the old, optimistic me would have hoped that the ideas of respect, openness and honesty would have been a given. So, realistically, I'm not feeling that my hopes will be fulfilled here. Yeah you're not half-bad for a posh bird are ya? ![]() Only half? Now I'm wondering which half the bad is ![]() ![]() ![]() | |||
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"Because this topic came up this morning with a friend and it had me musing. Is there a right way to be kinky/a swinger/poly? What would you say is important to you, regardless of how you identify?" There is no right or single way. We all have our own journey on here. We are all slightly diffetent in what we seek for on here. Some just want to meet for sex only and dont seek friendships, some want friendships and maybe good sex. Others want to embrace the lifestyle and live it to the fullest. There is no one size fits all on here so you have to cut your own path lovely. john | |||
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"Yes. There is absolutely a wrong and a right way to do these things. The thing about that, though, is that the ways are as individual as the people who do them, despite the fact they often have similar facets. My right way might be someone else's entirely wrong way, but I'd hope that the overlap would come with the ideas of respect, openness and honesty. Mind you, the old, optimistic me would have hoped that the ideas of respect, openness and honesty would have been a given. So, realistically, I'm not feeling that my hopes will be fulfilled here. Oh they can be. I'm an eternal optimist, possibly still naive. I think openness, honesty and respect can be found on here. People are flawed but on the whole they're not bad. Some are actually brilliant. Things happen but I'll keep forgiving and hoping I'll find the values that align with mine. I hope that you find that optimism again Posh, x" Thank you Meli x You're right... the three value I mentioned can definitely be found on here, and indeed I the wider world of life. I've been very lucky that I've found them in several people. I guess I stopped being optimistic after having been let down and in ways destroyed by my hope on too many occasions. Now when people are open, honest and respectful it is a pleasant surprise rather than an expectation. If that makes sense? I'd like to go back to the eternal optimist days again... even if it meant naivety (which I don't think it does, necessarily, and not for you, I think you have a healthy bucket of salt to take things with). | |||
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"Yes. There is absolutely a wrong and a right way to do these things. The thing about that, though, is that the ways are as individual as the people who do them, despite the fact they often have similar facets. My right way might be someone else's entirely wrong way, but I'd hope that the overlap would come with the ideas of respect, openness and honesty. Mind you, the old, optimistic me would have hoped that the ideas of respect, openness and honesty would have been a given. So, realistically, I'm not feeling that my hopes will be fulfilled here. Yeah you're not half-bad for a posh bird are ya? ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() You are such a good girl. Inside and out ![]() | |||
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"Yes. There is absolutely a wrong and a right way to do these things. The thing about that, though, is that the ways are as individual as the people who do them, despite the fact they often have similar facets. My right way might be someone else's entirely wrong way, but I'd hope that the overlap would come with the ideas of respect, openness and honesty. Mind you, the old, optimistic me would have hoped that the ideas of respect, openness and honesty would have been a given. So, realistically, I'm not feeling that my hopes will be fulfilled here. Yeah you're not half-bad for a posh bird are ya? ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Cheeky bugger ![]() | |||
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"Yes. There is absolutely a wrong and a right way to do these things. The thing about that, though, is that the ways are as individual as the people who do them, despite the fact they often have similar facets. My right way might be someone else's entirely wrong way, but I'd hope that the overlap would come with the ideas of respect, openness and honesty. Mind you, the old, optimistic me would have hoped that the ideas of respect, openness and honesty would have been a given. So, realistically, I'm not feeling that my hopes will be fulfilled here. Yeah you're not half-bad for a posh bird are ya? ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() This is a take-over... spin me tunes. And that's why you love me. ![]() | |||
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"Yes. There is absolutely a wrong and a right way to do these things. The thing about that, though, is that the ways are as individual as the people who do them, despite the fact they often have similar facets. My right way might be someone else's entirely wrong way, but I'd hope that the overlap would come with the ideas of respect, openness and honesty. Mind you, the old, optimistic me would have hoped that the ideas of respect, openness and honesty would have been a given. So, realistically, I'm not feeling that my hopes will be fulfilled here. Yeah you're not half-bad for a posh bird are ya? ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() I knew there had to be something... couldn't put my finger on it ![]() ![]() | |||
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"There is no right way for anything in life - I also don’t feel the need to label myself, sometimes I’m a kinky bitch, sometimes I want romance and sometimes both intertwine What’s important to me is I’m true to myself, I don’t put myself in positions I’m uncomfortable with and I sure as hell don’t operate on someone else’s terms just for the sake of an ‘easy life’ In terms of a relationship, especially one where swinging in whatever capacity is to be involved there needs to be frank and open conversations an openness to understanding each others needs/desires but ultimately establishing your boundaries I think this allows for a relationship to flourish as you both know where you stand Honesty is really all I need x" I've missed reading your well thought out and considerate posts. Yes, an easy life where you're untrue to yourself isn't fair on yourself. Or to others I guess because you're not really being you. Frank and open conversations aren't too much to ask, not in a relationship. If you love someone, you think about them. Maybe not before yourself, that's a whole other topic. But not lying, being honest so you both know where you stand is important. | |||
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"The right way is the one which suits YOU best ![]() Nice and short and to the point Compy, I like it. ![]() | |||
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"To be fair to them the Tories have the best track record of all the political parties of showing themselves willing to actively engage in kink and non-vanilla lifestyles. If they didn't habitually pretend otherwise, it'd be an attractive historical trait." Boarding school has a lot to answer for ![]() ![]() | |||
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"Love the phrase of enthusiastic consent. From now on, simply talking about mere consent will sound cold and off-putting -- enthusiastic consent it is. Useful to hear peoples' personal takes, and lovely to hear everyone here is broadly in fierce agreement. The only thing I thought to add is that what's right for you personally can be fluid; no need to feel that who you were yesterday has to be who you are today. No shame in changing. (Unless it's into a lifelong stretch of miserable celibacy, which wouldn't be shameful, but would certainly be a shame.)" It's really lovely reading other takes on it isn't it? I've read before about BDSM; you know that there's not one true way to do it and reading books doesn't provide the answers. It's fluid, people change. Situations, life. And that's how it should be. I was pleasantly surprised there were some common motifs running through the responses - it can be good to ponder 'out loud'. x | |||
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"It's really lovely reading other takes on it isn't it? " Lovely on this and many other topics, I agree. On other subjects, like cheese, modern poetry, party politics or the best way to make a beurre blanc, there are objective aesthetic truths and I know what they are. | |||
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"It's really lovely reading other takes on it isn't it? Lovely on this and many other topics, I agree. On other subjects, like cheese, modern poetry, party politics or the best way to make a beurre blanc, there are objective aesthetic truths and I know what they are." Oh I've never been able to make a beurre blanc without it splitting! It's the one sauce I fail at. Hollandaise? Easy. A proper rage? Can do it with my eyes closed. It's the one sauce that betrays me. :D | |||
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"It's really lovely reading other takes on it isn't it? Lovely on this and many other topics, I agree. On other subjects, like cheese, modern poetry, party politics or the best way to make a beurre blanc, there are objective aesthetic truths and I know what they are. Oh I've never been able to make a beurre blanc without it splitting! It's the one sauce I fail at. Hollandaise? Easy. A proper rage? Can do it with my eyes closed. It's the one sauce that betrays me. :D " I'll reveal the secret, if you promise not to tell anyone else on here. Make your shallot / vinegar / wine reduction, then, when it has cooled a little, add a spoonful of cream. You can then tip in the entire block of butter and leave it to melt, stirring gently occasionally and occasionally touching the pan to a low heat, and it's foolproof. The cream stabilises the emulsion. I don't want anyone else knowing, you understand, otherwise my ability to impress people by producing the sauce with ease will be impaired forever. Awkwardly, I must admit my last hollandaise split badly. I was livid. I remain convinced my technique was flawless, and the failure was due to the direct intervention of vengeful gods, but should you have tips (or offer a lesson), I'll be in your debt forever. | |||
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"Because this topic came up this morning with a friend and it had me musing. Is there a right way to be kinky/a swinger/poly? What would you say is important to you, regardless of how you identify?" No. So long as you are doing it the right way for you and you remember that your word for something might mean something different for someone else. I am new to all of the above and loving learning the nuances that everyone has with thier kinks and dynamics. Asking everyone what they actually mean when they say they are something or are into something has been absolutely enlightening and fascinating so far. Communication is my kink right now. | |||
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