FabSwingers.com forum: Can you be to nice

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Hi so i would say that im a very kind loving friendly guy but im starting to think is it a good think on here is that what ladies really like or not

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Do you really think being nice to people is a problem?

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Being nice is never the problem. That doesn't mean that you (or anyone else asking this question) don't have things you can address. (Also it's a very difficult place for guys)

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By *ntrigued32Couple
over a year ago

Nottingham

I don't think you can be too nice. People will take advantage of it obviously, but you shouldn't change who you are because of it.

Just be yourself.

Jo.Xx

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By *ou only live onceMan
over a year ago

London

No, I don't think you can be "too nice". There may be lots of reasons that people might chuck under that umbrella, but they're rarely actually about being "nice".

Would you want to be the opposite of nice?

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By *oggoneMan
over a year ago

Derry

"Hi so i would say that im a very kind loving friendly guy but im starting to think is it a good think on here is that what ladies really like or not"

Short answer: yes

Longer answer: Sort of, it's complicated.

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By *penbicoupleCouple
over a year ago

Northampton

I don't think being "too nice" is a problem, unless you come across like a doormat. (Not saying you do, OP!)

A bigger issue is that I see some profiles where people make a point of saying how nice they are - sometimes numerous times - and it *can* come across as desperate. After all, most women on here are not looking for a new spouse.

I think it's probably best to just be you. Would you really want to pretend you were someone you weren't just to get action on here? Sounds exhausting to me.

- Jack

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By *elix SightedMan
over a year ago

Cloud 8

"Hi so i would say that im a very kind loving friendly guy but im starting to think is it a good think on here is that what ladies really like or not"

OP, I assume you’re thinking of the “Women love a bastard, treat ‘em mean keep ‘em keen” kinda thing? In which case, no.

Obviously there are some. And, luckily for them, the world is full of c***s. Leave them both to it and be true to yourself. If you’re nice, stay nice and be nice. Your type of woman will rise to the top.

It may take a while, which I’m guessing is the subtext to this question, but you will connect with the right people for you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don’t see how being nice could ever be a bad thing. If that how you are then why change that to suit others.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There's nothing wrong with being nice. But everyone has their own definitions of 'nice'. If someone is a good person they usually don't need to announce how nice they are, people can see that for theirselves. Not talking about you OP but I think a lot of people on here think they are being nice but actually are only doing it to get something in return which is actually pretty manipulative.

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

"Hi so i would say that im a very kind loving friendly guy but im starting to think is it a good think on here is that what ladies really like or not"

'Nice should be a given, but nice doesn't guarantee a meet.

Many are here for thrills, extra sex to an existing relationship and looking to meet those they find visibly and physically attractive.

You can't see 'nice'. Anyone can come across as nice by using the right language, contact strategy and approach.

Like 'genuine', nice is just a word.

The harsh truth is that it's not the first thing people see when looking profiles, not the priority for many and is something that people expect any person they meet to be, so not a particularly unique character trait either.

In short? Being nice isn't enough to guarantee a meet or interest.

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By *ucka39Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

If you're nice stay that way its your own personality but if you're only being nice because you want something you need to grow a set and grow up

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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago

Calderdale innit

You can't be too nice ,but being nice on its own won't guarantee you will get meets op.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Luckily not a problem for me...I've been told many times I'm a dickhead

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By *om114Man
over a year ago

Belfast

Calling yourself stuff like lonely guy probably doesn't help

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By *ustus555Couple
over a year ago

As we always say when returning a wink or message, it's nice to be nice.

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By *.T.Man
over a year ago

Glasgow

You see the forum littered with post whining that women don't give "us good guys" a chance.

There is the first mistake.

Some men are so self obsessed that they see themselves as a "catch" and feel they lose out to the "bad boys". You are viewing things from your own perspective.

Some women love the fantasy and escapism that Fab offers, when guys (who are 10 a penny) are someone completely out of their norm. Some seek out those who they want to fuck, not settle down with.

However, changing who you are to fit in or improve your chances just takes you away from who uou are and leaves you hollow. It just leads to meaningless sex. If that is what you want, then pare back your profile to the minimum and be honest about that being all you want.

My previous profile many years back was a distortion of who I was, me trying to be what I thought people wanted.

Now I am who I am and don't worry about getting meets any more. I've punched well above my weight in the past and will do again with the right person.

Be yourself, always. And remain true to yourself.

The harder you try to get a meet, the harder it is to get a meet.

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

I only meet nice people BUT they have to have a lot more going for them than that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Never let anyone tek yuh fi ediat.

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By *MisschiefxTV/TS
over a year ago

London

"Hi so i would say that im a very kind loving friendly guy but im starting to think is it a good think on here is that what ladies really like or not"

Define 'nice'

A lot of unhealthy behaviours get passed off for being 'nice' such as people pleasing.

Nice is also subjective. It can be a mask that people hide behind and people will pick up on an off vibe.

You can be nice and also confident and assured. You can also be nice and lack confidence. One of those is more attractive than the other. But that is also subjective.

I find kindness very attractive but it has to be combined with confidence.

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By *t0600Man
over a year ago

elvedon

There is a saying that nice guys finish last

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hi so i would say that im a very kind loving friendly guy but im starting to think is it a good think on here is that what ladies really like or not"

Having read a lot about dating it's going to get you friend zoned. Watch any of Kezia Nobles's videos on YouTube

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By *MisschiefxTV/TS
over a year ago

London

I would also ask yourself, what are the type of people you want to meet on here and more importantly, what kind of people do they want to meet? Is it the kind of person you are presenting yourself as?

The whole nice guys finish last is just complete bollocks. There is always another reason.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

What do you mean by nice op?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Do you mean too nice, appeasing or even passive?

All very different things that are often considered much the same.

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By *ucka39Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

Be a cunt and you'll find a bitch and you'll have the ride of your life

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By *ebauchedDeviantsPt2Couple
over a year ago

Cumbria

"I don't think being "too nice" is a problem, unless you come across like a doormat. (Not saying you do, OP!)

I think it's probably best to just be you. Would you really want to pretend you were someone you weren't just to get action on here? Sounds exhausting to me.

- Jack"

If someone feels the need to tell you they are ‘nice’, ‘sane’, ‘reliable’ etc. in their name/profile then we definitely see it as a bit of a red flag.

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By *lay 4 your plessureMan
over a year ago

Wigan

Just be you, whatever feels right for you and don't change that for anyone. Some people will like you, some people won't, that's life.

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

I get told I'm too nice all the time however I don't think there's such a thing.

Mrs

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By *ose-tinted GlassesMan
over a year ago

Glasgow / London

"I get told I'm too nice all the time however I don't think there's such a thing.

Mrs"

I think you’re right. What people mean when they say you’re too nice is that you put other people before yourself. And I’m pretty sure that’s the meaning of life really, isn’t it?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Giving off too nice vibes in settings like this can be disadvantageous for sure. Over the top niceness is unconsciously linked with being sensible, safe, normal but if you are always just nice and don't show a naughty or cheeky side, it will inevitably put a lot of people off as boring or lacking in excitement, not a great reflection in the bedroom department.

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

"I get told I'm too nice all the time however I don't think there's such a thing.

Mrs

I think you’re right. What people mean when they say you’re too nice is that you put other people before yourself. And I’m pretty sure that’s the meaning of life really, isn’t it?"

Possibly or maybe they're really a cunt and don't understand being nice

Mrs

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By *2000ManMan
over a year ago

Worthing

You can be nice without being a simp or doormat.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think i get what you mean OP, i've seen male profiles that seem to have nothing but a "treat them mean keep them keen" vibe, and they have plenty of veris.. which makes me think it can work.. but its not me and I would'nt be able to keep up the pretence.. i think i'm a nice person (not a doormat though) and im not going to pretend i'm anything else just for the sake of veri's

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By *ose-tinted GlassesMan
over a year ago

Glasgow / London

"Possibly or maybe they're really a cunt and don't understand being nice

Mrs "

Best to stay away from those cunts, really.

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

This is going to sound awful but are you actually being nice or are you being nice in the hopes it gets you a fuck?

There's a marked difference. I don't think men realise a) how obvious it is and b) how rarely it works. If you're a nice person, through and through, keep being so. There are men who would say they're nice but it's under the guise of adding to their roster. Remove sex and you see just how far that niceness extends.

Be you OP. Don't go in with sycophancy, let people see who you really are.

There's far more to people than being nice. Nice is... well it's not going to have my knickers sliding off anytime soon.

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By *MisschiefxTV/TS
over a year ago

London

"I don't think being "too nice" is a problem, unless you come across like a doormat. (Not saying you do, OP!)

I think it's probably best to just be you. Would you really want to pretend you were someone you weren't just to get action on here? Sounds exhausting to me.

- Jack

If someone feels the need to tell you they are ‘nice’, ‘sane’, ‘reliable’ etc. in their name/profile then we definitely see it as a bit of a red flag."

This is why I point out how unstable and mentally ill I am in my profile. Boom, green flag.

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

"I think i get what you mean OP, i've seen male profiles that seem to have nothing but a "treat them mean keep them keen" vibe, and they have plenty of veris.. which makes me think it can work.. but its not me and I would'nt be able to keep up the pretence.. i think i'm a nice person (not a doormat though) and im not going to pretend i'm anything else just for the sake of veri's"

How do they treat them mean?

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

Being appropriately respectful and decent is largely different to being a walkover doormat.

It's a true pleasure to know and engage with a man who is caring, friendly and affectionate.

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By *ansoffateMan
over a year ago

Sagittarius A

I can't speak as to what the ladies like. Gave up on that one a long time ago.

But yes 'too nice' for me is when it's a facade and it's blindingly obvious that they are not in a nice mood at all.

I struggle to engage with that because if I find myself saying stuff like: what did I do wrong? Etc. I start to feel disgusted with myself.

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

"I get told I'm too nice all the time however I don't think there's such a thing.

Mrs

I think you’re right. What people mean when they say you’re too nice is that you put other people before yourself. And I’m pretty sure that’s the meaning of life really, isn’t it?

Possibly or maybe they're really a cunt and don't understand being nice

Mrs "

Excuse me! You are too nice, you put up with way more of peoples shit than what is humanly tolerable, you need to tell people to fuck off once in a while.

The mr

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By *ebauchedDeviantsPt2Couple
over a year ago

Cumbria

There is of course the reality that this is a sex site, people aren't generally looking for the love of their life, and the 'niceness' you would want in a life partner isn't a pre-requisite for someone you might never spend time with outside of having sex with them.

If all you want to do is fuck them then quite often being nice won't be top of the pile when it comes to their attributes.

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By *ose-tinted GlassesMan
over a year ago

Glasgow / London

"There is of course the reality that this is a sex site …"

It is?

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By *lex46TV/TS
over a year ago

Near Wells

I'm an incredibly nice person, even when people try to have me over.

Being nice doesn't mean giving in to people, you can put your point across or refuse to do something in a nice polite way. Just stick to your guns in a nice way.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've been to Nice.

It was nice.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I just want to meet a lady who is kind and loving and loves lots of sex

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually

I'm sure there is a thing of being too nice. But usually that just means pretending to be extra nice for ulterior motives or being a soulless opinionless mirror afraid of disagreeing with someone in case it ruins the chances of getting laid.

If you're just honestly a nice person, keep on being you. Changing yourself to attract the people who aren't right for you is an exceptionally pointless endeavour and never ends well for anyone involved.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hi so i would say that im a very kind loving friendly guy but im starting to think is it a good think on here is that what ladies really like or not"

Honestly, it is so so difficult for single guys that they all question what they are doing wrong. You can be polite but you also need to be a little cheeky and flirty. The best bit of advice we can give is to engage, we have sacked off very attractive guys because they give nothing at all, no engagement, no questions, no humour, no conversation.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

It is very hard for single guys i try and just be my self but i think its not good enough

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By *MisschiefxTV/TS
over a year ago

London

"I'm sure there is a thing of being too nice. But usually that just means pretending to be extra nice for ulterior motives or being a soulless opinionless mirror afraid of disagreeing with someone in case it ruins the chances of getting laid.

Very much this.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It is very hard for single guys i try and just be my self but i think its not good enough "

You've been here for just five weeks.

Believe me, this is a very short time here for a single Man to get a meet.

I think maybe the problem is more your expectations, than you yourself.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes you can be too nice if it is forced or not genuine. I must admit I don't get on with those that try too hard to please everyone. But then I'm an old cynic so just don't trust them!

But... lots of people like nice people so be yourself is all you can be.

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By *orphia2003Woman
over a year ago

Tonypandy.

Yes you can. You just get taken advantage of and used.

Follow your gut.

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

My first ever girlfriend dumped me at midnight on new years eve by telling me I was "too nice".

That raised lots of questions for a long time after but from my perspective now it's like many other adjectives.

If you have to remind people constantly that you are nice or kind or genuine it's usually a sign that you are projecting a different image entirely.

As others have already said, being too nice is seen as being a doormat or a sycophant, neither of which is attractive.

In my case when I asked what she meant by saying I was too nice the reply was that I didn't drink and she was embarrassed about being d*unk in my presence and I was too respectful and not exciting enough for her.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Nobody is too nice. You're not given niceness stamps on a card that you can cash in for sex once you reach a certain number. Be genuine, be kind when it's needed to everyone not just people you find attractive and don't expect to be rewarded for being a decent person

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By *offiaCoolWoman
over a year ago

Kidsgrove

"I just want to meet a lady who is kind and loving and loves lots of sex"

You have only been on here five weeks. You may be kind, but you are short on patience

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 13/06/23 15:39:48]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I just want to meet a lady who is kind and loving and loves lots of sex"

Don’t we all pal? Don’t we all!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Depends if its nice or people pleasing/ rescuing. People pleasing can ve very off putting.

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By *oggoneMan
over a year ago

Derry

"I just want to meet a lady who is kind and loving and loves lots of sex

Don’t we all pal? Don’t we all!

Can I have one with a nice bum and thighs please who is kind, loving and loves lots of sex?

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By *erence IIMan
over a year ago

Irrelevant

Of all the personality traits you have, why do you believe it is being nice that is the issue? To me framing your problem as one you cannot change for reasons outside your control is rarely the best answer. By making it something you can't change - or obviously wouldn'twant to - like deciding to stop being nice - you conveniently absolve yourself of having to consider any other option and risk identifying a side to your character you won't like.

Or, maybe I spent too long being shafted by someone who used an external locus of control to excuse her behaviour and tend to spot it in others a little too quickly and judge it a little too harshly.

Dunno mate, try sending a dick pic and FAF message and see if you get better results.

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By *hunky GentMan
over a year ago

Maldon and Peterborough

Can I have one that will share their bacon butty with me?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There aren't enough "nice" people in the world.

On here specifically there a minority that spoil it for the majority and when they get rejected the "nice" guy act stops and they show their real colours.

So is there any wonder the ladies of this site automatically anticipate abuse when they say "not interested"

I often send compliments and don't get a reply. I don't mind. I say what I feel. I fully understand why people don't respond to "nice" messages when they're constantly bombarded with negativity for rejecting someone.

Must be hard on both sides. For now, I'll continue sending compliments and fabbing photos. Not for sex, but because at that moment that is what I think and feel.

Happy fabbing

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