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"Why don’t you start OP?" Ok! I once went quad biking and it was lots of fun, but very dirty. I mean, I got covered in mud which got all over the minibus on the way home. The next time I was due to go quad biking, I was driving my friends there and back in my precious car with ivory leather seats. So, I took some bin liners for us to sit on. For some reason we decided instead to strip down to our pants and stuff our soaking wet, muddy clothes into the bin liners. I tried to get us back to the hotel too quickly and was pulled over for speeding. You should have seen the cop’s face as he was confronted by four blokes in pants - perfectly clean except for our muddy smiling faces 
Thankfully he let us off. I don’t think he could bring himself to do it.
Anyway, we pull up back at the hotel and realise all our clothes are in bin liners in the boot, wet and muddy. We just looked at each other. And then decided to brave it out.
We walked across the car park, into the hotel and queued for the lifts standing in just our pants, getting some very strange looks!! | |||
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"Go wank then post in the wank at work thread " Charming as ever. | |||
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"One day this guy just came up and licked me on the side of the face infront of a room of people!! But he was rather cute so I was ok with it "What an outrageous thing to do!! Did he even warn you or just rasp his tongue up your cheek? | |||
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"I once went to want a local band, danced, drank and had fun. It was hot, I was sweaty. Walking home, a friend of mine spotted me and invited me into his garden. He had a beautiful friend there. I sat on the patio steps, flirting and giggling with the guy. I got up to get a drink and was mortified to see an sweat mark on the step where I have been sitting, which was the perfect imprint of my vagina. We both watched it slowly dry up and disappear....I went home traumatised. " That's cheered me right up thank you!!  | |||
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"I have nothing to do at work but I’m stuck at my desk. Regale me with stories - funny/embarrassing/shocking - stuff that’s happened to you or family/friends in life. But they must be true! Come on forumites, alleviate my suffering." How can you be bored? Your on here! | |||
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"One day I became mates with GrumpyMcFuckNugget. I've given up counting how many times that effort has embarrassed me in public. I've laughed at him so many times I've nearly myself!
"# wet myself # | |||
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"One day I became mates with GrumpyMcFuckNugget. I've given up counting how many times that effort has embarrassed me in public. I've laughed at him so many times I've nearly myself!
# wet myself # "And you wouldn't have it any other way .. I keep you amused | |||
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J | |||
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"Only boring people get bored Felix. "Hahaha! Oh, and shut ya face | |||
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"I took my work trousers out of my tumble dryer and shoved them on in a rush because I was running late. Sometime during my shift the pair of knickers that had been stuck inside my trouser leg had obviously made its way down without me noticing and fell out on the floor. The only reason I know is because I got a text when I got home saying ‘I think you left something' with a picture of them attached. To say I was mortified would be an understatement." 
This proper tickled me!!
Jo.Xx | |||
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"Felix, you already know my "ganache, Grenache, there are lots of things that start with G and end with '-ache' (pronounced ash) that are delicious" story
J"Is that the embarrassing moment in front of your whole family? I felt for you that night! | |||
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"I took my work trousers out of my tumble dryer and shoved them on in a rush because I was running late. Sometime during my shift the pair of knickers that had been stuck inside my trouser leg had obviously made its way down without me noticing and fell out on the floor. The only reason I know is because I got a text when I got home saying ‘I think you left something' with a picture of them attached. To say I was mortified would be an understatement.
This proper tickled me!!
Jo.Xx "And me! | |||
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"I have just got your name, OP. Wow I was slow. " Don’t worry - you weren’t the first and you definitely won’t be the last! | |||
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"Felix, you already know my "ganache, Grenache, there are lots of things that start with G and end with '-ache' (pronounced ash) that are delicious" story
J
Is that the embarrassing moment in front of your whole family? I felt for you that night!"That's the one. It was funny though
J | |||
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" I tried to get us back to the hotel too quickly and was pulled over for speeding. You should have seen the cop’s face as he was confronted by four blokes in pants - perfectly clean except for our muddy smiling faces
We walked across the car park, into the hotel and queued for the lifts standing in just our pants, getting some very strange looks!!""I got up to get a drink and was mortified to see an sweat mark on the step where I have been sitting, which was the perfect imprint of my vagina. We both watched it slowly dry up and disappear" " Sometime during my shift the pair of knickers that had been stuck inside my trouser leg had obviously made its way down without me noticing and fell out on the floor. The only reason I know is because I got a text when I got home saying ‘I think you left something' with a picture of them attached. " These are brilliant stories! | |||
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"One day this guy just came up and licked me on the side of the face infront of a room of people!! But he was rather cute so I was ok with it
What an outrageous thing to do!! Did he even warn you or just rasp his tongue up your cheek?"There was a brief sorry before it happened. I did get kissed better too - so I actually have nothing to complain about. I'm just enjoying reliving the moment | |||
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"Only boring people get bored Felix.
Hahaha! Oh, and shut ya face "Haha. Harsh! I’m now bored at home waiting for my tea to cook. | |||
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Does that help? | |||
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"Years back I worked as a dj, maybe 18-19. A girl slightly older than me came up to the booth to ask for a song. While she was talking to me, she pulled my dick out and held it. After the conversation was over she just walked away leaving me confused, embarrassed and erect. I'd normally say you can only die once but I died that night. I didn't have the song she wanted with me, maybe that would have changed things." In all my years as a DJ I was only ever offered a blow job in the booth once. And it was by a bloke so I declined. (Even though I did have the song he was trying to bribe me to play.) | |||
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" I mean... there was that one time that I was taking naked yoga pictures in the garden for fab, toppled over, rolled down the hill and discovered the scaffolders next door had been watching because they gave me a round of applause...
If that was anyone else I wouldn't believe it
Does that help?" | |||
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" I mean... there was that one time that I was taking naked yoga pictures in the garden for fab, toppled over, rolled down the hill and discovered the scaffolders next door had been watching because they gave me a round of applause...
If that was anyone else I wouldn't believe it
Does that help?"Thanks  | |||
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" I mean... there was that one time that I was taking naked yoga pictures in the garden for fab, toppled over, rolled down the hill and discovered the scaffolders next door had been watching because they gave me a round of applause...
Does that help?"I love you | |||
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" I mean... there was that one time that I was taking naked yoga pictures in the garden for fab, toppled over, rolled down the hill and discovered the scaffolders next door had been watching because they gave me a round of applause...
Does that help?
I love you "That's because I make everyone around me look coordinated...  | |||
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"I once went to want a local band, danced, drank and had fun. It was hot, I was sweaty. Walking home, a friend of mine spotted me and invited me into his garden. He had a beautiful friend there. I sat on the patio steps, flirting and giggling with the guy. I got up to get a drink and was mortified to see an sweat mark on the step where I have been sitting, which was the perfect imprint of my vagina. We both watched it slowly dry up and disappear....I went home traumatised. " No need to feel traumatised, i find that so enticing. I think we should have all the ladies stamp their mark... i am seeing it like those potato carved stamps we did as kids only a royal vagina seal! | |||
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" I mean... there was that one time that I was taking naked yoga pictures in the garden for fab, toppled over, rolled down the hill and discovered the scaffolders next door had been watching because they gave me a round of applause...
Does that help?
I love you
That's because I make everyone around me look coordinated... "True | |||
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"One day this guy just came up and licked me on the side of the face infront of a room of people!! But he was rather cute so I was ok with it
What an outrageous thing to do!! Did he even warn you or just rasp his tongue up your cheek?
There was a brief sorry before it happened. I did get kissed better too - so I actually have nothing to complain about. I'm just enjoying reliving the moment "It sounds like a very romantic moment. What a lucky man! | |||
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" I mean... there was that one time that I was taking naked yoga pictures in the garden for fab, toppled over, rolled down the hill and discovered the scaffolders next door had been watching because they gave me a round of applause...
If that was anyone else I wouldn't believe it
Does that help?
Thanks "How did I fuck that reply up  | |||
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"Ok this is a long time ago. I was at uni. And I was playing pool with my mate, his gf and her mate. Who happened to be gorgeous, have the same first name as my gf and be on the same course. So we are playing doubles and she's garbage: can't even hold a cue properly. And she asks me to help her. So this goes on a while, and it's back in the low-cut jeans/thong days. It's getting a bit intense. Use your imagination. Then my gf walks in with her mates, also on the same course. Whilst I'm leaning over this girl trying to help her bridge her hand properly. My gf did not seem to appreciate the innocence of this situation. And was stood glaring at me like she was about to kill me. I stepped back and I am not sure what my facial expression was, but it didn't appease her. Then the young lady I was assisting smiled at her, got down like a pro and slammed the 8 ball in full length of the table. My mate burst into laughter as did a fair few other people. I think this may have upset my gf a little bit. I also recall Britney spears blasting on the speakers Hit me baby one more time! Not sure that helped the ambiance. It was all a touch awkward really. Especially when the other girl did a girly spin kissed me on the cheek and said thanks for teaching me. And my mate fell off his chair rolling on the floor laughing." Great story, dude! But you can’t leave it there. Did you patch it up with the gf? Or resign yourself to fate and smash the hustler? Or go home alone for a sad wank? I’ll probably sound really mean here, but I’d probably have laughed as much as your mate | |||
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"Only boring people get bored Felix.
Hahaha! Oh, and shut ya face
Haha. Harsh!
I’m now bored at home waiting for my tea to cook.
"Tut tut, Woody. Only boring people get bored… | |||
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"Go wank then post in the wank at work thread " Oh my, do I spy jaffa cakes in that profile pic  | |||
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" I mean... there was that one time that I was taking naked yoga pictures in the garden for fab, toppled over, rolled down the hill and discovered the scaffolders next door had been watching because they gave me a round of applause...
Does that help?"Yep! At the risk of mocking your lack of balance, I’m laughing in my head at your rolling down the hill
(in the most affectionate manner…) | |||
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" I mean... there was that one time that I was taking naked yoga pictures in the garden for fab, toppled over, rolled down the hill and discovered the scaffolders next door had been watching because they gave me a round of applause...
Does that help?
Yep! At the risk of mocking your lack of balance, I’m laughing in my head at your rolling down the hill
(in the most affectionate manner…)"I am the most appalling balancer. I fall over air. Just so you don't think it was in any way elegant... boobs flying everywhere, legs akimbo... I think I did the splits. And I know all the comedy at my expense is affectionate. I'd not have shared except it was you asking and I knew I'd get laughter and virtual hugs | |||
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"Ok this is a long time ago. I was at uni. And I was playing pool with my mate, his gf and her mate. Who happened to be gorgeous, have the same first name as my gf and be on the same course. So we are playing doubles and she's garbage: can't even hold a cue properly. And she asks me to help her. So this goes on a while, and it's back in the low-cut jeans/thong days. It's getting a bit intense. Use your imagination. Then my gf walks in with her mates, also on the same course. Whilst I'm leaning over this girl trying to help her bridge her hand properly. My gf did not seem to appreciate the innocence of this situation. And was stood glaring at me like she was about to kill me. I stepped back and I am not sure what my facial expression was, but it didn't appease her. Then the young lady I was assisting smiled at her, got down like a pro and slammed the 8 ball in full length of the table. My mate burst into laughter as did a fair few other people. I think this may have upset my gf a little bit. I also recall Britney spears blasting on the speakers Hit me baby one more time! Not sure that helped the ambiance. It was all a touch awkward really. Especially when the other girl did a girly spin kissed me on the cheek and said thanks for teaching me. And my mate fell off his chair rolling on the floor laughing. Great story, dude! But you can’t leave it there. Did you patch it up with the gf? Or resign yourself to fate and smash the hustler? Or go home alone for a sad wank? I’ll probably sound really mean here, but I’d probably have laughed as much as your mate "Well I do have 10 mins spare... Yes we had a very adult conversation, in which we mutually agreed that I should leave. She very thoughtfully didn't want me to have to carry the my clothes down three flights of stairs, so she gracefully cast them over the balcony. I didn't smash the hustler, but she gave me a BJ about a month later after I finally split with my gf. I did however smash my mates gf after they split up. On the graduation celebrations. Which started with champagne followed by said mate in his boxers on a picnic table whilst I pretended to fuck him from behind shouting 'squeal like a pig boy' and various degrading insults pertaining to his Irish heritage. Later that evening his gf followed me into the men's toilets in a nightclub and pounced on me, so we ended up in a stall and nature took its course. My mate was fine about it and thought it was funny. Her mate not so funny, because I was snogging her before I headed to the toilets. They had an argument. All in all it was a good ending I guess. My gf was a bitch any | |||
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"One day this guy just came up and licked me on the side of the face infront of a room of people!! But he was rather cute so I was ok with it
What an outrageous thing to do!! Did he even warn you or just rasp his tongue up your cheek?
There was a brief sorry before it happened. I did get kissed better too - so I actually have nothing to complain about. I'm just enjoying reliving the moment
It sounds like a very romantic moment. What a lucky man!"I would hope he thinks so. Although I do think futher kissing would be beneficial | |||
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