FabSwingers.com forum: Heartbroken

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Long message alert!

In August 2021 I was chatting via DM to a friend on twitter. She asked me who amongst our little group of cyber friends I’d most like to sleep with. So without a moment’s hesitation I said (insert handle here).

Oh I know her! Says my mate. Would you like her number? I declined, because I was trying to be sensible. Being married an all.

A few days later, the lass contacts me via DM. We get chatting, obviously my friend has tipped her off. From this moment on, the lass will be known by her initial - S

To cut a very long and embarrassingly smutty tale short, S and I got on like a house on fire via DM and were soon discussing meeting up. We did so in London (she was from Hull). I’ll spare you the details. In fact we met on several occasions in several hotels, and had some amazing times. So amazing that one night, when she was home in Hull, she messaged to say she loved me.

I was shocked, it happened quite quickly. I was scared - married, kids, etc. and this was only meant to be fun. Feelings weren’t part of the deal. But we are kindred spirits. Politically, musically, literature, even the food we love and the personality traits we share. I jokingly tell her that she’s me with tits. I began falling in love with her too.

Fast forwards to February 22, S moves down my way ‘for work’ - she promised me that it had nothing to do with me even though it was obvious otherwise.

We couldn’t meet as often as we’d have liked because my wife is quite controlling and I seldom have time to myself. (A situation that I’ve allowed to occur). But S and I carved out what time we could to continue our affair. Until, for the first time in my life, I got caught. Not red handed - we were seen together by an old friend of my wife’s. Her evidence was shaky and enough to raise suspicions but not prove anything.

I’m ashamed to say that I went into self defence mode, denied everything and ignored S. This hurt her, understandably.

S retreated to twitter DM’s and I tried to patch my marriage up against my wishes. Whilst I was out of contact with S, another chap via Twitter was there for her. She started a relationship with him.

When she told me i was devastated, utterly distraught. She moved to wales to be with him. It felt very ‘rebound’ to me, but she said she loved him.

I made the decision to tell S exactly how I feel. I told her I love her, and I want to be with her. That I’ll leave my wife for her. She responded with some anger, some passion. Some despair. She loves me too. Still.

She doesn’t want to hurt him, she says he was there for her, that he’s kind to her. That he’s a great guy. But she loves me. In her weaker moments, sometimes with alcohol, she tells me that she loves me, and she doesn’t know what to do, she doesn't want to hurt him but can't live without me.

S and I continued to meet up as regularly as we could. We talked every day via WhatsApp and DM, and every weekday we talked on the phone. Often spending 2- 3 hours on the phone while my wife was out and her fella was playing snooker. We sometimes would DM at 3am, as we both have messed up body clocks.

I’ve been seeing a therapist, and ended up on antidepressants for about 6 months now now due to this double life. The tablets made me feel worse though, due to the side effects - they stopped 'the equipment' working.

S had told me in late 2021 that she would give me a year to work out what we were going to do, but we got caught before that time came around. I made her the same offer in September 2022. I gave her a year to choose what she wants.

We were always unbelievably good when we were in the sack, but since we’d been chatting openly about our feelings I’d learned that we’re just as good when we’re fully clothed and just talking to each other.

I didn’t believe in soul mates or any of that stuff until I met S. And now I had to wait to see what she wants, knowing that people were going to be hurt no matter what she chose

And I’ve callously not really mentioned my wife, who had done nothing wrong except perhaps paid our relationship less attention than she might have (as I’m sure we’re all guilty of from time to time).

Just a couple of months ago we met up again, got d*unk, slept together again (after she’d told me she’d never cheat on him) Talked every day, told each other we love each other a zillion times.

She told me she wanted to come see me on Friday. I told her that this had gone on long enough. If she wants to see me, bring a bag, or a plan of when/where we’re gonna go together, and make our break - or don’t bother showing up.

She didn’t show up.

So I messaged her and asked her not to contact me again. Don’t try to find me. I know it’s for the best because she’s clearly not going to leave him. But I’m devastated. Like a teenager losing his first crush.

Why do we never get better at dealing with this stuff?

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sounds to me like it's very much a situation where you both needed each other until you didn't. Most affairs don't make it in the real world as usually you are looking for a missing part, not another partner. My advice would be to cut your losses, work on you and don't get into another relationship until you can give someone what they need and receive what you need.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh dear. Some people do get into situations.

Do a complete break and look forward. If your not happy in your marriage, do something about it or talk. It's difficult for anybody to give advice and I understand where you're coming from. But in the end only you can fix it and move on.

You're doing what many people do when things break down.......telling people who will listen and when you get all the responses, your natural survival of emotions will kick in and you'll know how to move on. Good luck

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

You two don't half like the drama of wanting what you can't have. If you can't decide you want to be with someone in less than a year you don't really want to be with them.

I'm sorry you're feeling hurt but this was always going to happen

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Woe is you, eh? But not your poor wife who’s had to suffer through all of this

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Woe is you, eh? But not your poor wife who’s had to suffer through all of this "

Sorry I don’t recall saying I was perfect.

Glad you are, though.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ansoffateMan
over a year ago

Sagittarius A

I'm going to kind of overlook the situational details and focus on the reality that it would appear you or both became emotionally invested. Or 'in love'.

Personally, I think that's where the greatest level of risk of pain is. A lot of people become attached, whilst telling themselves: it's just friends or trying define it as something else, because they need to deny the risk, in order to do it. That's why a lot of people say 'it just happened' in my opinion.

Then when the critical moment comes they run back behind their rocks and hide. Saying it is much easier than having the guts to act on it. Especially, if there's substantial changes to people's lives.

E.g. if someone left someone else for me and there was huge fallout associated with that. I'd feel pressured that it needed to work. That in itself could poison the well.

It's so nuanced and personal I am not sure there's any advice I can offer other than the more you communicate openly with each other the better.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *aucasian GhandiMan
over a year ago

from my dad's left nut (Warwick)

How about your wife in all of this, it's all bout you and your woes, she's the one who's been hurt, you being the perpertrater to this

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I'm going to kind of overlook the situational details and focus on the reality that it would appear you or both became emotionally invested. Or 'in love'.

E.g. if someone left someone else for me and there was huge fallout associated with that. I'd feel pressured that it needed to work. That in itself could poison the well.

It's so nuanced and personal I am not sure there's any advice I can offer other than the more you communicate openly with each other the better."

Also there's a very big difference between day to day life with a wife and children and snatched moments in hotels when you have nothing to think about other than each other.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *weetiepie99Woman
over a year ago

cardiff

The problem is you may not like all the responses you will get here. You yourself have admitted you were 'callous' and your wife 'has done nothing wrong'. I mean really, what did you expect? If you had been open and honest from the get go with your wife, you could have maybe made a go of the other relationship.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Woe is you, eh? But not your poor wife who’s had to suffer through all of this

Sorry I don’t recall saying I was perfect.

Glad you are, though."

I’m most definitely not perfect, but I also don’t betray the ones I love

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"How about your wife in all of this, it's all bout you and your woes, she's the one who's been hurt, you being the perpertrater to this "

Once again for the cheap seats. I wish life was nice and simple, without complexity or challenge.

Yep. That would be very nice indeed.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"The problem is you may not like all the responses you will get here. You yourself have admitted you were 'callous' and your wife 'has done nothing wrong'. I mean really, what did you expect? If you had been open and honest from the get go with your wife, you could have maybe made a go of the other relationship."

I fully accept my responsibility. Not sure I’ve got access to a time Machine to fix things, though.

It’s really easy to say ‘i’d never do this or that’ - but we also all have weaknesses - even if you’ve not encountered yours yet.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I fully accept my responsibility. Not sure I’ve got access to a time Machine to fix things, though.

It’s really easy to say ‘i’d never do this or that’ - but we also all have weaknesses - even if you’ve not encountered yours yet. "

What type of answers were you anticipating?

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *wisted999Man
over a year ago

North Bucks

I feel for the people affected. Sounds like a trail of devastation.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I fully accept my responsibility. Not sure I’ve got access to a time Machine to fix things, though.

It’s really easy to say ‘i’d never do this or that’ - but we also all have weaknesses - even if you’ve not encountered yours yet.

What type of answers were you anticipating?"

I dunno. Maybe I thought some folk would understand that life is a strange and unexpected beast at times.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *aucasian GhandiMan
over a year ago

from my dad's left nut (Warwick)

I fully accept my responsibility. Not sure I’ve got access to a time Machine to fix things, though.

It’s really easy to say ‘i’d never do this or that’ - but we also all have weaknesses - even if you’ve not encountered yours yet. "

Weaknesses is such a feable justification to really poor behaviour on your part

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *usie pTV/TS
over a year ago

taunton

When ever you ignite a wild fire there is always a chance it will get out of control, hopefully it will self extinguish in time.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I fully accept my responsibility. Not sure I’ve got access to a time Machine to fix things, though.

It’s really easy to say ‘i’d never do this or that’ - but we also all have weaknesses - even if you’ve not encountered yours yet.

Weaknesses is such a feable justification to really poor behaviour on your part "

I’m glad you have no weaknesses, that must be nice

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I fully accept my responsibility. Not sure I’ve got access to a time Machine to fix things, though.

It’s really easy to say ‘i’d never do this or that’ - but we also all have weaknesses - even if you’ve not encountered yours yet.

What type of answers were you anticipating?

I dunno. Maybe I thought some folk would understand that life is a strange and unexpected beast at times.

It certainly is I agree.

My personal opinion is (and I'm not directing this at you specifically) that we can learn from things only when we stand back and acknowledge our part in them. When life throws the strange and unexpected at us how we deal with influences the outcome.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *aucasian GhandiMan
over a year ago

from my dad's left nut (Warwick)

"How about your wife in all of this, it's all bout you and your woes, she's the one who's been hurt, you being the perpertrater to this

Once again for the cheap seats. I wish life was nice and simple, without complexity or challenge.

Yep. That would be very nice indeed."

Cheap seats pffft, if you dont like the answer don't ask the question. The behaviour is shocking. Don't justify it in life has complexity, yes it does, doesn't mean I can go around behaving exactly how I want to, with no thought for others, and make everything about me

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It sounds to me like you both enjoyed the thrill of it. A lot of the time affairs happen because one person feels the relationship is lacking something , so they go chasing after that with someone else instead of trying to fix it. If you’re really that unhappy being with your wife that you were willing to run away and start a new life with someone else, you should maybe think about being truthful to her and leaving if that’s what you want. It’s the least she deserves really.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *og-ManMan
over a year ago

somewhere

Are you not leaving yourself wide open to being caught by using your face as a profile picture

Do you want to be caught

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually

Honesty is always the best policy. Starting out on a lie is always going to end up spiralling out as you have to tell bigger and worse lies to the people you supposedly care about.

I hope it stops hurting for you soon. And I hope you do better for the people you care for in future.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *aucasian GhandiMan
over a year ago

from my dad's left nut (Warwick)

I fully accept my responsibility. Not sure I’ve got access to a time Machine to fix things, though.

It’s really easy to say ‘i’d never do this or that’ - but we also all have weaknesses - even if you’ve not encountered yours yet.

Weaknesses is such a feable justification to really poor behaviour on your part

I’m glad you have no weaknesses, that must be nice

Don't be that guy, you posted your wrong doings, and now are being called out on it, if that's doesn't sit well with you reflect as to why

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I fully accept my responsibility. Not sure I’ve got access to a time Machine to fix things, though.

It’s really easy to say ‘i’d never do this or that’ - but we also all have weaknesses - even if you’ve not encountered yours yet.

Weaknesses is such a feable justification to really poor behaviour on your part

I’m glad you have no weaknesses, that must be nice

Don't be that guy, you posted your wrong doings, and now are being called out on it, if that's doesn't sit well with you reflect as to why "

I’ve done nothing but reflect, believe me.

Now if you think you’re immune from similar poor behaviour, I’ve got some interesting news for you - you’re not.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *weetiepie99Woman
over a year ago

cardiff

I fully accept my responsibility. Not sure I’ve got access to a time Machine to fix things, though.

It’s really easy to say ‘i’d never do this or that’ - but we also all have weaknesses - even if you’ve not encountered yours yet. "

The thing is your answers are so defensive. I think you really know deep down how completely wrong your actions have been. Of course i have weaknesses. But i also know right from wrong. Not only have you cheated with 'S', but other women too. Just be honest and leave if you are unhappy

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I fully accept my responsibility. Not sure I’ve got access to a time Machine to fix things, though.

It’s really easy to say ‘i’d never do this or that’ - but we also all have weaknesses - even if you’ve not encountered yours yet.

I fully accept my actions have been wrong. But that doesn’t remove the emotional impact of the situation on all involved.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *aucasian GhandiMan
over a year ago

from my dad's left nut (Warwick)

I fully accept my responsibility. Not sure I’ve got access to a time Machine to fix things, though.

It’s really easy to say ‘i’d never do this or that’ - but we also all have weaknesses - even if you’ve not encountered yours yet.

Weaknesses is such a feable justification to really poor behaviour on your part

I’m glad you have no weaknesses, that must be nice

Don't be that guy, you posted your wrong doings, and now are being called out on it, if that's doesn't sit well with you reflect as to why

I’ve done nothing but reflect, believe me.

Now if you think you’re immune from similar poor behaviour, I’ve got some interesting news for you - you’re not.

Don't deflect onto me, you know nothing about me, where I've been in life or where I am know life. Like I say don't try and turn around on to me. I know my stuff and have a greater ability to take responsibility and have culpability for my actions and behaviour, without having the need to throw it on others toes...

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I fully accept my responsibility. Not sure I’ve got access to a time Machine to fix things, though.

It’s really easy to say ‘i’d never do this or that’ - but we also all have weaknesses - even if you’ve not encountered yours yet.

I fully accept my actions have been wrong. But that doesn’t remove the emotional impact of the situation on all involved. "

And a couple of people including me have expressed their regret that you're hurt. You've ignored them

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I fully accept my responsibility. Not sure I’ve got access to a time Machine to fix things, though.

It’s really easy to say ‘i’d never do this or that’ - but we also all have weaknesses - even if you’ve not encountered yours yet.

Weaknesses is such a feable justification to really poor behaviour on your part

I’m glad you have no weaknesses, that must be nice

Don't be that guy, you posted your wrong doings, and now are being called out on it, if that's doesn't sit well with you reflect as to why

I’ve done nothing but reflect, believe me.

Now if you think you’re immune from similar poor behaviour, I’ve got some interesting news for you - you’re not.

I also knew my stuff. Or at least I thought I did.

See what I’m saying? Be wary of throwing stones, mucker. We all live in glass houses.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How about your wife in all of this, it's all bout you and your woes, she's the one who's been hurt, you being the perpertrater to this "

This

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I fully accept my responsibility. Not sure I’ve got access to a time Machine to fix things, though.

It’s really easy to say ‘i’d never do this or that’ - but we also all have weaknesses - even if you’ve not encountered yours yet.

I fully accept my actions have been wrong. But that doesn’t remove the emotional impact of the situation on all involved.

And a couple of people including me have expressed their regret that you're hurt. You've ignored them"

That’s not my intention, I appreciate anyone who understands the situation (which yes, S and I caused, but now have to deal with)

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *eeliciouschaosWoman
over a year ago

Wherever

Is she the one who verified you 12 hours ago?

I can’t kinda keep up.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *aucasian GhandiMan
over a year ago

from my dad's left nut (Warwick)

I fully accept my responsibility. Not sure I’ve got access to a time Machine to fix things, though.

It’s really easy to say ‘i’d never do this or that’ - but we also all have weaknesses - even if you’ve not encountered yours yet.

Weaknesses is such a feable justification to really poor behaviour on your part

I’m glad you have no weaknesses, that must be nice

Don't be that guy, you posted your wrong doings, and now are being called out on it, if that's doesn't sit well with you reflect as to why

I’ve done nothing but reflect, believe me.

Now if you think you’re immune from similar poor behaviour, I’ve got some interesting news for you - you’re not.

I also knew my stuff. Or at least I thought I did.

See what I’m saying? Be wary of throwing stones, mucker. We all live in glass houses."

Again deflection and defensive posturing. All designed to take the focus of yourself. I've never thrown stones, I've only commented on what you've presented and how your displaying. So stop with the self pity retorts

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

I think it best that it’s ended. You may think you’re compatible but from what you’ve said you brought each other nothing but drama.

We always want what we can’t have.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *oggoneMan
over a year ago

Derry

Fuck me, you're not going to get an impartial ear. Put the shovel down and stop digging.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

This was never going to go well.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *aucasian GhandiMan
over a year ago

from my dad's left nut (Warwick)

I fully accept my responsibility. Not sure I’ve got access to a time Machine to fix things, though.

It’s really easy to say ‘i’d never do this or that’ - but we also all have weaknesses - even if you’ve not encountered yours yet.

Weaknesses is such a feable justification to really poor behaviour on your part

I’m glad you have no weaknesses, that must be nice

Don't be that guy, you posted your wrong doings, and now are being called out on it, if that's doesn't sit well with you reflect as to why

I’ve done nothing but reflect, believe me.

Now if you think you’re immune from similar poor behaviour, I’ve got some interesting news for you - you’re not.

I also knew my stuff. Or at least I thought I did.

See what I’m saying? Be wary of throwing stones, mucker. We all live in glass houses.

Pps, did the women who verified you know that your married

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ittlebirdWoman
over a year ago

The Big Smoke

"Long message alert!

Why do we never get better at dealing with this stuff? "

To answer the only question you posed OP some of us do, some of us think about others before lying or cheating to people we’re supposed to love and some of us understand and appreciate the consequences of our actions.

Let’s hope at some point you can join those people and stop feeling sorry for yourself.

As my dear old dad used to say… you’ve made your bed, now lie in it

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *weetiepie99Woman
over a year ago

cardiff

I fully accept my responsibility. Not sure I’ve got access to a time Machine to fix things, though.

It’s really easy to say ‘i’d never do this or that’ - but we also all have weaknesses - even if you’ve not encountered yours yet.

I fully accept my actions have been wrong. But that doesn’t remove the emotional impact of the situation on all involved. "

So start afresh. Take responsibility. Tell your wife.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I think it best that it’s ended. You may think you’re compatible but from what you’ve said you brought each other nothing but drama.

We always want what we can’t have.

I’m Inclined to agree - it’s emotionally exhausting living a double life, as I’ve unfortunately discovered.

Lessons learned, to say the least.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I fully accept my responsibility. Not sure I’ve got access to a time Machine to fix things, though.

It’s really easy to say ‘i’d never do this or that’ - but we also all have weaknesses - even if you’ve not encountered yours yet.

Weaknesses is such a feable justification to really poor behaviour on your part

I’m glad you have no weaknesses, that must be nice

Don't be that guy, you posted your wrong doings, and now are being called out on it, if that's doesn't sit well with you reflect as to why

I’ve done nothing but reflect, believe me.

Now if you think you’re immune from similar poor behaviour, I’ve got some interesting news for you - you’re not.

I also knew my stuff. Or at least I thought I did.

See what I’m saying? Be wary of throwing stones, mucker. We all live in glass houses.

Pps, did the women who verified you know that your married "

Yes.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Break it off with your wife. You’re still cheating on her according to your veris so I’ll save my sympathy for her.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Break it off with your wife. You’re still cheating on her according to your veris so I’ll save my sympathy for her."

My wife knows, as it happens. About my affair, about fabs.

Yea, we’re likely to split. It’s complex, like I say. Life, and people are strange at times.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I fully accept my responsibility. Not sure I’ve got access to a time Machine to fix things, though.

It’s really easy to say ‘i’d never do this or that’ - but we also all have weaknesses - even if you’ve not encountered yours yet.

I fully accept my actions have been wrong. But that doesn’t remove the emotional impact of the situation on all involved.

So start afresh. Take responsibility. Tell your wife. "

She knows. I told her some time ago.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *iscean_dreamMan
over a year ago

Llanelli

Sounds like neither of you can be trusted to be faithful so would only have been a matter of time till one of you cheated on the other.

I'd say it's for the best it's over

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ittleMissCaliWoman
over a year ago

all loved up

Op...I've been stuck with feelings and a deep attraction for someone that sounds like a very similar situation.

I have a no cheats rule yet for him, I think I've been with him through every relationship he ever has.

I'm addicted to the High he gives me, its like a drug to me.. and I love him truly. I did leave a relationship to be with him..two in fact... and actually remain single. ( I know what an utter fool this makes me)

I stayed away from him once for 6 years.... I was happy.. thriving and then we bumped into each other

And off we went again. He tells others as well as me that he loves me and its me but won't give up his inheritance to be with me ( his family hate me)

Yet we can't cut each other off and it's heartbreak over and over again.

What I'm trying to say is that commection like this becomes habit, it becomes engrained in your soul but its toxic and damaging.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *eeliciouschaosWoman
over a year ago

Wherever

OP, whatever you decide to do, just make sure the kids are ok throughout. They are innocent and didn’t do anything to deserve that what adults put them through.

But I hope you already know that.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *oggoneMan
over a year ago

Derry

"Op...I've been stuck with feelings and a deep attraction for someone that sounds like a very similar situation.

I have a no cheats rule yet for him, I think I've been with him through every relationship he ever has.

I stayed away from him once for 6 years.... I was happy.. thriving and then we bumped into each other

And off we went again. He tells others as well as me that he loves me and its me but won't give up his inheritance to be with me ( his family hate me)

Yet we can't cut each other off and it's heartbreak over and over again.

What I'm trying to say is that commection like this becomes habit, it becomes engrained in your soul but its toxic and damaging.

Love is never enough and as you say, these situations can become toxic.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Break it off with your wife. You’re still cheating on her according to your veris so I’ll save my sympathy for her.

My wife knows, as it happens. About my affair, about fabs.

Yea, we’re likely to split. It’s complex, like I say. Life, and people are strange at times. "

Maybe lead with that information next time.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You sound very high and mighty for someone whose not got the inclination or intention to leave their wife... Yet still wants their cake and to eat it? Either leave or stop dipping your wick elsewhere

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh, I see she apparently knows... Sure!... I got bored of reading before then. Sounds a right woe is me snooze fest

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Op...I've been stuck with feelings and a deep attraction for someone that sounds like a very similar situation.

I have a no cheats rule yet for him, I think I've been with him through every relationship he ever has.

I stayed away from him once for 6 years.... I was happy.. thriving and then we bumped into each other

And off we went again. He tells others as well as me that he loves me and its me but won't give up his inheritance to be with me ( his family hate me)

Yet we can't cut each other off and it's heartbreak over and over again.

What I'm trying to say is that commection like this becomes habit, it becomes engrained in your soul but its toxic and damaging.

I feel that. Addiction is the right word indeed x

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *razelMan
over a year ago

South East

Congratulations OP, you have destroyed almost every relationship in your life.

You cheated on the mother of your children and ruined her trust forever to a woman who you said without hesitation that you'd sleep with in an instant. Then continued to lie further to your wife and kids about your whereabouts to have d*unken fun because they happened to share similar interests in you.

And then when you were found out, you denied this newfound love of your life's existence and that got upset that she found someone else.

Then turn to a swinging site and tell your story and then when you are called out on it, you sarcastically shift the blame and make comments like "aren't you all so perfect"

The lack of accountability is actually sociopathic...

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

You created all the drama so no sympathy at all for you, that deserves to go to your poor wife.

True what they say...cheats never prosper! I hope you have the balls to tell your next partner what a cheat you are!

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Congratulations OP, you have destroyed almost every relationship in your life.

And then when you were found out, you denied this newfound love of your life's existence and that got upset that she found someone else.

Then turn to a swinging site and tell your story and then when you are called out on it, you sarcastically shift the blame and make comments like "aren't you all so perfect"

The lack of accountability is actually sociopathic..."

I never cheated on the mother of my children, as it happens.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually

"I never cheated on the mother of my children, as it happens. "

Whether she's the mother of your children or not, you lied to and cheated on your wife.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Lots of folks seem to think that they’d never cheat.

That’s what we all think when we get married. Like we think it’s for life. We hope so, anyways.

I don’t defend my actions, but I do point out that none of us are immune. If you think you’d never ever cheat on your partner, that they’re the only one in the world for you - you’re probably wrong.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ischiefManaged69Couple
over a year ago

Preston

"Long message alert!

Oh I know her! Says my mate. Would you like her number? I declined, because I was trying to be sensible. Being married an all.

A few days later, the lass contacts me via DM. We get chatting, obviously my friend has tipped her off. From this moment on, the lass will be known by her initial - S

Fast forwards to February 22, S moves down my way ‘for work’ - she promised me that it had nothing to do with me even though it was obvious otherwise.

I’m ashamed to say that I went into self defence mode, denied everything and ignored S. This hurt her, understandably.

When she told me i was devastated, utterly distraught. She moved to wales to be with him. It felt very ‘rebound’ to me, but she said she loved him.

I didn’t believe in soul mates or any of that stuff until I met S. And now I had to wait to see what she wants, knowing that people were going to be hurt no matter what she chose

Just a couple of months ago we met up again, got d*unk, slept together again (after she’d told me she’d never cheat on him) Talked every day, told each other we love each other a zillion times.

She didn’t show up.

Why do we never get better at dealing with this stuff? "

I'm making the effort to ignore the majority of your interactions in this thread, they don't show you in a good light.

People don't get better at dealing with things if they don't understand why events have happened in the first place. Your 'story' is written entirely based on your feelings and with no mention of what your actions are doing to the other people involved. Your wife, S, her new partner, are all involved in this situation. It's clear from your profile that you're active and meeting others who haven't been mentioned here. Some of those people had a part to play in this situation. I don't know what your marriage was like before but I'm sure you've got a reason why this happened.

But.

You are responsible for your own actions and behaviours, and quite simply, you wouldn't be feeling this way if you hadn't acted this way.

If you don't want to feel bad, be a better person. You'd be surprised how much difference it makes.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *iss LovelyWoman
over a year ago

Here and There

I think it was misguided of you to assume that you would garner sympathy from everyone here. Swinging and cheating are different.

It is awful when you can’t be with the person you want, and it’s also awful to be rejected. But you’ve brought the situation entirely on yourself so no sympathy here.

The woman you were having an affair with finally found someone willing to commit to her after years of you chucking her enough crumbs to keep her interested and now you’re pouting about it. Doesn’t seem very nice at all.

I’m assuming your wife doesn’t even know you’re here talking about the woman you really want, with your face on full view. The poor woman.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I think it was misguided of you to assume that you would garner sympathy from everyone here. Swinging and cheating are different.

It is awful when you can’t be with the person you want, and it’s also awful to be rejected. But you’ve brought the situation entirely on yourself so no sympathy here.

I’m assuming your wife doesn’t even know you’re here talking about the woman you really want, with your face on full view. The poor woman. "

I’m not looking for sympathy, I’m telling my story. It’s a warning, if anything.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually

"Lots of folks seem to think that they’d never cheat.

That’s what we all think when we get married. Like we think it’s for life. We hope so, anyways.

Some of us know that monogamy isn't the way for us. And make that very clear from the start of any relationship. Those who do want monogamy can then make the informed choice to be with someone that sees other people, or leave and find someone that they're actually compatible with

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ischiefManaged69Couple
over a year ago

Preston

"Lots of folks seem to think that they’d never cheat.

That’s what we all think when we get married. Like we think it’s for life. We hope so, anyways.

Possibilities are endless. But you're the one on this thread who HAS cheated and then shared that information with the internet. I might cure cancer tomorrow, but I might not. You might be the cautionary tale that puts someone off cheating on their partner because they see what it causes.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh I absolutely know I can't keep my fanny in my pants... Still never been a cheat though. But it's also why I actively choose to remain single, and ENM. Because I'm an adult & life is full of choices

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Lots of folks seem to think that they’d never cheat.

That’s what we all think when we get married. Like we think it’s for life. We hope so, anyways.

That’s a good thing, right?

Happy days.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *inger_SnapWoman
over a year ago

Hampshire/Dorset

Can't say I've got much sympathy, for either of you.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *aucasian GhandiMan
over a year ago

from my dad's left nut (Warwick)

"Lots of folks seem to think that they’d never cheat.

That’s what we all think when we get married. Like we think it’s for life. We hope so, anyways.

Again stop making it about others, and keep it on first person. This is not about anyone else, it's all about you and your behaviours. Stop with the deflection around what others might do.....I'm not sure what you expected to get from all of this and posting this on thr forums

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sounds like it was a very messy situation; like you both wanted and needed eavhother when it suited but now it could get really serious she's bolted.

I personally wouldn't start a serious relationship with someone who's cheated on their partner for me; maybe she feels the same? A realisation? Maybe she really does love her partner? X

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *oggoneMan
over a year ago

Derry

If this post was written from the viewpoint of S. What would she be hearing right now?

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ischiefManaged69Couple
over a year ago

Preston

"Lots of folks seem to think that they’d never cheat.

That’s what we all think when we get married. Like we think it’s for life. We hope so, anyways.

That’s a good thing, right?

Happy days."

Good for that person, yes.

Good for your wife, kids , S, her partner, the people you've met on here? I don't know, but I'd suggest not.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Lots of folks seem to think that they’d never cheat.

That’s what we all think when we get married. Like we think it’s for life. We hope so, anyways.

It seems like you’re trying to defend what you’ve done but pushing it onto other people. Personally I know I wouldn’t because I’m aware of how that would effect someone I care about. I’m not sure what response you were expecting when you started this thread. Sympathy?

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Sounds like it was a very messy situation; like you both wanted and needed eavhother when it suited but now it could get really serious she's bolted.

I personally wouldn't start a serious relationship with someone who's cheated on their partner for me; maybe she feels the same? A realisation? Maybe she really does love her partner? X"

She cheated on her partner too - that’s not a defence, just pointing out that it’s probably not the reason

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Lots of folks seem to think that they’d never cheat.

That’s what we all think when we get married. Like we think it’s for life. We hope so, anyways.

Not after sympathy at all, as I’ve repeatedly said

And you don’t know you wouldn’t. None of us do. That’s a point I’ve tried to make .

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually

"Sounds like it was a very messy situation; like you both wanted and needed eavhother when it suited but now it could get really serious she's bolted.

I personally wouldn't start a serious relationship with someone who's cheated on their partner for me; maybe she feels the same? A realisation? Maybe she really does love her partner? X

She cheated on her partner too - that’s not a defence, just pointing out that it’s probably not the reason

She knows she'd do it again. So she's even more certain you would than someone who doesn't cheat and thinks people can change

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *inger_SnapWoman
over a year ago

Hampshire/Dorset

"Lots of folks seem to think that they’d never cheat.

That’s what we all think when we get married. Like we think it’s for life. We hope so, anyways.

You're just judging people by your own standards. Which are apparently very low.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *aucasian GhandiMan
over a year ago

from my dad's left nut (Warwick)

"Lots of folks seem to think that they’d never cheat.

That’s what we all think when we get married. Like we think it’s for life. We hope so, anyways.

Not after sympathy at all, as I’ve repeatedly said

And you don’t know you wouldn’t. None of us do. That’s a point I’ve tried to make ."

Don't align other people's morals with your own....the only questionable morals at the min on this thread is yours

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Lots of folks seem to think that they’d never cheat.

That’s what we all think when we get married. Like we think it’s for life. We hope so, anyways.

You're just judging people by your own standards. Which are apparently very low."

Nope. Just being a realist.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If this post was written from the viewpoint of S. What would she be hearing right now?"

Probably sympathy from some but definitely not from me.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *aucasian GhandiMan
over a year ago

from my dad's left nut (Warwick)

"Lots of folks seem to think that they’d never cheat.

That’s what we all think when we get married. Like we think it’s for life. We hope so, anyways.

You're just judging people by your own standards. Which are apparently very low.

Nope. Just being a realist. "

Last time checked realism wasn't apart of fantasy

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Lots of folks seem to think that they’d never cheat.

That’s what we all think when we get married. Like we think it’s for life. We hope so, anyways.

Not after sympathy at all, as I’ve repeatedly said

And you don’t know you wouldn’t. None of us do. That’s a point I’ve tried to make .

Don't align other people's morals with your own....the only questionable morals at the min on this thread is yours "

And that’s the point - for years I was committed 100% to my Mrs. Never so much as looked the other way - and then S came along. Changed everything.

Like I said, nobody is immune.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"If this post was written from the viewpoint of S. What would she be hearing right now?"

Probably quite different reactions but you know that

For what it's worth I would have reacted similarly. I've seen too many people go down this path, men and women and it always ends up with at least two people being hurt.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Lots of folks seem to think that they’d never cheat.

That’s what we all think when we get married. Like we think it’s for life. We hope so, anyways.

Not after sympathy at all, as I’ve repeatedly said

And you don’t know you wouldn’t. None of us do. That’s a point I’ve tried to make ."

No no, I was correct the first time. I DO know that I wouldn’t do that. Just because you can’t control yourself you can’t sit there and make the same assumptions of others.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *mf123Man
over a year ago

with one foot out the door

Heartbreak is heartbreak no matter the reason its the worst pain imagionable

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Lots of folks seem to think that they’d never cheat.

That’s what we all think when we get married. Like we think it’s for life. We hope so, anyways.

Not after sympathy at all, as I’ve repeatedly said

And you don’t know you wouldn’t. None of us do. That’s a point I’ve tried to make .

No no, I was correct the first time. I DO know that I wouldn’t do that. Just because you can’t control yourself you can’t sit there and make the same assumptions of others. "

And I also KNEW that I wouldn’t do that. Until I did.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Lots of folks seem to think that they’d never cheat.

That’s what we all think when we get married. Like we think it’s for life. We hope so, anyways.

Not after sympathy at all, as I’ve repeatedly said

And you don’t know you wouldn’t. None of us do. That’s a point I’ve tried to make .

No no, I was correct the first time. I DO know that I wouldn’t do that. Just because you can’t control yourself you can’t sit there and make the same assumptions of others.

And I also KNEW that I wouldn’t do that. Until I did.

That’s on you not everyone else. Like others are trying to tell you.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Lots of folks seem to think that they’d never cheat.

That’s what we all think when we get married. Like we think it’s for life. We hope so, anyways.

Not after sympathy at all, as I’ve repeatedly said

And you don’t know you wouldn’t. None of us do. That’s a point I’ve tried to make .

No no, I was correct the first time. I DO know that I wouldn’t do that. Just because you can’t control yourself you can’t sit there and make the same assumptions of others.

And I also KNEW that I wouldn’t do that. Until I did.

That’s on you not everyone else. Like others are trying to tell you. "

I see the point was lost on you. Never mind.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Lots of folks seem to think that they’d never cheat.

That’s what we all think when we get married. Like we think it’s for life. We hope so, anyways.

Not after sympathy at all, as I’ve repeatedly said

And you don’t know you wouldn’t. None of us do. That’s a point I’ve tried to make .

Don't align other people's morals with your own....the only questionable morals at the min on this thread is yours

And that’s the point - for years I was committed 100% to my Mrs. Never so much as looked the other way - and then S came along. Changed everything.

Like I said, nobody is immune. "

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ady GoodwitchWoman
over a year ago

Witchery wish lane

Keep that heart closed my friend, thats what this site has done to me lol if you love your wife you can sort it out if she loves you, but !! I stayed in a loveless marriage for far to long, life is to short, personally I think the lady was playing games with you (sorry on behalf of all females) we not all into games tho, good luck in your future xx

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *oggoneMan
over a year ago

Derry

"If this post was written from the viewpoint of S. What would she be hearing right now?

Probably quite different reactions but you know that

For what it's worth I would have reacted similarly. I've seen too many people go down this path, men and women and it always ends up with at least two people being hurt. "

True, as someone says below. heartbreak is heartbreak.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Lots of folks seem to think that they’d never cheat.

That’s what we all think when we get married. Like we think it’s for life. We hope so, anyways.

Not after sympathy at all, as I’ve repeatedly said

And you don’t know you wouldn’t. None of us do. That’s a point I’ve tried to make .

No no, I was correct the first time. I DO know that I wouldn’t do that. Just because you can’t control yourself you can’t sit there and make the same assumptions of others.

And I also KNEW that I wouldn’t do that. Until I did.

That’s on you not everyone else. Like others are trying to tell you.

I see the point was lost on you. Never mind. "

The point you’re trying to make doesn’t make sense. You’re trying to gain sympathy for what you’ve done by trying to make others relate to what you’re saying over and over again. Anyway enjoy the rest of your day I’m not arguing with you

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually

"And I also KNEW that I wouldn’t do that. Until I did. "

At what point did you count that? When you said without a moments hesitation that you'd fuck her? Hull to London is a trek. That's not an accidental bump into. That's a preplanned, you knew what you were about to do and had opportunity enough to come clean to the wife before it happened in the flesh.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"If this post was written from the viewpoint of S. What would she be hearing right now?

Probably quite different reactions but you know that

For what it's worth I would have reacted similarly. I've seen too many people go down this path, men and women and it always ends up with at least two people being hurt.

True, as someone says below. heartbreak is heartbreak. "

It is but to quote the song

' even a wise man jumps in misery somewhere down the line, but only a fool would jump a second time'

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"And I also KNEW that I wouldn’t do that. Until I did.

Exactly

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ittlebirdWoman
over a year ago

The Big Smoke

"Lots of folks seem to think that they’d never cheat.

That’s what we all think when we get married. Like we think it’s for life. We hope so, anyways.

You're just judging people by your own standards. Which are apparently very low.

Nope. Just being a realist. "

I’m so so glad this last part is completely untrue.

And absolutely positively will never apply to me.

Please consider therapy OP. Otherwise I’m pretty sure the trail of destruction might just continue

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Lots of folks seem to think that they’d never cheat.

That’s what we all think when we get married. Like we think it’s for life. We hope so, anyways.

You're just judging people by your own standards. Which are apparently very low.

Nope. Just being a realist.

I’m so so glad this last part is completely untrue.

And absolutely positively will never apply to me.

Please consider therapy OP. Otherwise I’m pretty sure the trail of destruction might just continue "

You must have missed the part where I said I was seeing a therapist

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Lots of folks seem to think that they’d never cheat.

That’s what we all think when we get married. Like we think it’s for life. We hope so, anyways.

Not after sympathy at all, as I’ve repeatedly said

And you don’t know you wouldn’t. None of us do. That’s a point I’ve tried to make .

No no, I was correct the first time. I DO know that I wouldn’t do that. Just because you can’t control yourself you can’t sit there and make the same assumptions of others.

And I also KNEW that I wouldn’t do that. Until I did.

That’s on you not everyone else. Like others are trying to tell you.

I see the point was lost on you. Never mind.

No arguing here - just pointing out that anyone can fall. Anyone.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *aucasian GhandiMan
over a year ago

from my dad's left nut (Warwick)

[Removed by poster at 11/06/23 15:43:27]

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *aucasian GhandiMan
over a year ago

from my dad's left nut (Warwick)

"Lots of folks seem to think that they’d never cheat.

That’s what we all think when we get married. Like we think it’s for life. We hope so, anyways.

Not after sympathy at all, as I’ve repeatedly said

And you don’t know you wouldn’t. None of us do. That’s a point I’ve tried to make .

Don't align other people's morals with your own....the only questionable morals at the min on this thread is yours

And that’s the point - for years I was committed 100% to my Mrs. Never so much as looked the other way - and then S came along. Changed everything.

Like I said, nobody is immune. "

Woe is me

I'm out (but then i do love to challenge, so probally wont be), hope you deal with the feelings attached more functionally than you've behaved in all of this

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Heartbreak is heartbreak no matter the reason its the worst pain imagionable"

It is - it’s almost literally mourning.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Lots of folks seem to think that they’d never cheat.

That’s what we all think when we get married. Like we think it’s for life. We hope so, anyways.

You're just judging people by your own standards. Which are apparently very low.

Nope. Just being a realist.

I’m so so glad this last part is completely untrue.

And absolutely positively will never apply to me.

Please consider therapy OP. Otherwise I’m pretty sure the trail of destruction might just continue

You must have missed the part where I said I was seeing a therapist

Did they say you should probably come off Fab until you decide to work on your marriage, or leave it?

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *aucasian GhandiMan
over a year ago

from my dad's left nut (Warwick)

"Lots of folks seem to think that they’d never cheat.

That’s what we all think when we get married. Like we think it’s for life. We hope so, anyways.

You're just judging people by your own standards. Which are apparently very low.

Nope. Just being a realist.

I’m so so glad this last part is completely untrue.

And absolutely positively will never apply to me.

Please consider therapy OP. Otherwise I’m pretty sure the trail of destruction might just continue

You must have missed the part where I said I was seeing a therapist

Turns out I'm not out, so seeing a therapist means what exactly

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ittlebirdWoman
over a year ago

The Big Smoke

"Lots of folks seem to think that they’d never cheat.

That’s what we all think when we get married. Like we think it’s for life. We hope so, anyways.

You're just judging people by your own standards. Which are apparently very low.

Nope. Just being a realist.

I’m so so glad this last part is completely untrue.

And absolutely positively will never apply to me.

Please consider therapy OP. Otherwise I’m pretty sure the trail of destruction might just continue

You must have missed the part where I said I was seeing a therapist

TL; DR tbh

Just see what your therapist says about you trying to garner sympathy for your actions on here. It won’t be the answer you want to hear, like all the ones you’ve had above

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually

"You must have missed the part where I said I was seeing a therapist

Did they say you should probably come off Fab until you decide to work on your marriage, or leave it? "

No, they just gave him pills that meant his dick stopped working (at least for his wife) for six months.

I mean, I'd definitely consider seeking a better therapist.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *andyfloss2000Woman
over a year ago

ashford

"How about your wife in all of this, it's all bout you and your woes, she's the one who's been hurt, you being the perpertrater to this "

Exactly my thoughts! A bit me me me! X

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *oggoneMan
over a year ago

Derry

"If this post was written from the viewpoint of S. What would she be hearing right now?

Probably quite different reactions but you know that

For what it's worth I would have reacted similarly. I've seen too many people go down this path, men and women and it always ends up with at least two people being hurt.

True, as someone says below. heartbreak is heartbreak.

It is but to quote the song

' even a wise man jumps in misery somewhere down the line, but only a fool would jump a second time'"

True if you put your hand back into the fire well...

The most painful lessons can also be the best learning experience.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OP, why on earth would you post this to a group of complete strangers. You've been on the site 5 months and must have seen the kind of reaction these get.

I can only assume that you have done it because 'S' is on the site and you want her to know your feelings (hope she is not the 'S' who verified you). However, if she is, then she will also have seen people's reactions to your post and their opinions, and even comments about her, and you may therefore be causing further hurt.

Personally, I would only share this kind of stuff with really close trusted friends, or the therapist that you are seeing.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *aucasian GhandiMan
over a year ago

from my dad's left nut (Warwick)

"Lots of folks seem to think that they’d never cheat.

That’s what we all think when we get married. Like we think it’s for life. We hope so, anyways.

You're just judging people by your own standards. Which are apparently very low.

Nope. Just being a realist.

I’m so so glad this last part is completely untrue.

And absolutely positively will never apply to me.

Please consider therapy OP. Otherwise I’m pretty sure the trail of destruction might just continue

You must have missed the part where I said I was seeing a therapist

TL; DR tbh

Just see what your therapist says about you trying to garner sympathy for your actions on here. It won’t be the answer you want to hear, like all the ones you’ve had above "

I so wanna say something to this Littorbird.....trying really hard not to

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *iss LovelyWoman
over a year ago

Here and There

"Lots of folks seem to think that they’d never cheat.

That’s what we all think when we get married. Like we think it’s for life. We hope so, anyways.

It’s not about them being the only one, it’s about how you handle it when you find yourself feeling that way. It’s not about the person you’re with, it’s about the person you are.

I’m single, but I’ve never cheated on anyone and never would. If I ran out of love for someone that I thought I’d be tempted by someone else, I’d end my relationship.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Lots of folks seem to think that they’d never cheat.

That’s what we all think when we get married. Like we think it’s for life. We hope so, anyways.

You're just judging people by your own standards. Which are apparently very low.

Nope. Just being a realist.

I’m so so glad this last part is completely untrue.

And absolutely positively will never apply to me.

Please consider therapy OP. Otherwise I’m pretty sure the trail of destruction might just continue

You must have missed the part where I said I was seeing a therapist

TL; DR tbh

Just see what your therapist says about you trying to garner sympathy for your actions on here. It won’t be the answer you want to hear, like all the ones you’ve had above

I so wanna say something to this Littorbird.....trying really hard not to "

Say what you like. Not hiding anything.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *aucasian GhandiMan
over a year ago

from my dad's left nut (Warwick)

"Lots of folks seem to think that they’d never cheat.

That’s what we all think when we get married. Like we think it’s for life. We hope so, anyways.

You're just judging people by your own standards. Which are apparently very low.

Nope. Just being a realist.

I’m so so glad this last part is completely untrue.

And absolutely positively will never apply to me.

Please consider therapy OP. Otherwise I’m pretty sure the trail of destruction might just continue

You must have missed the part where I said I was seeing a therapist

TL; DR tbh

Just see what your therapist says about you trying to garner sympathy for your actions on here. It won’t be the answer you want to hear, like all the ones you’ve had above

I so wanna say something to this Littorbird.....trying really hard not to

Say what you like. Not hiding anything. "

Come sit opposite me in thearpy, and I'd tell you exactly what I think and be alot more challenging towards to you. Alas on here I'll get a ban if I do..

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"If this post was written from the viewpoint of S. What would she be hearing right now?

Probably quite different reactions but you know that

For what it's worth I would have reacted similarly. I've seen too many people go down this path, men and women and it always ends up with at least two people being hurt.

True, as someone says below. heartbreak is heartbreak.

It is but to quote the song

' even a wise man jumps in misery somewhere down the line, but only a fool would jump a second time'

True if you put your hand back into the fire well...

The most painful lessons can also be the best learning experience."

Life is a long learning experience isn’t it? This past year certainly has been one. Not one I’d recommend, but certainly one that anyone can suffer.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

I'm a strong believer in making rules and having boundaries. Then adhering to them, until such time as you may want to review them: they may remain the same.

OPs partner and marriage has probably not been given the attention it deserves. I see no attention paid to it in this post. You have to decide on your objectives and to respect others and yourself appropriately. I'm unsure that anything has been learned.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Lots of folks seem to think that they’d never cheat.

That’s what we all think when we get married. Like we think it’s for life. We hope so, anyways.

You're just judging people by your own standards. Which are apparently very low.

Nope. Just being a realist.

I’m so so glad this last part is completely untrue.

And absolutely positively will never apply to me.

Please consider therapy OP. Otherwise I’m pretty sure the trail of destruction might just continue

You must have missed the part where I said I was seeing a therapist

TL; DR tbh

Just see what your therapist says about you trying to garner sympathy for your actions on here. It won’t be the answer you want to hear, like all the ones you’ve had above

I so wanna say something to this Littorbird.....trying really hard not to

Say what you like. Not hiding anything.

Come sit opposite me in thearpy, and I'd tell you exactly what I think and be alot more challenging towards to you. Alas on here I'll get a ban if I do.."

Good job (I assume) you’re not a therapist then, innit?

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Heartbreak is heartbreak no matter the reason its the worst pain imagionable

It is - it’s almost literally mourning. "

It's not almost, it *is* mourning. You're grieving the loss of what might have been and what was. The death of a relationship and your hopes for it.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Heartbreak is heartbreak no matter the reason its the worst pain imagionable

It is - it’s almost literally mourning.

It's not almost, it *is* mourning. You're grieving the loss of what might have been and what was. The death of a relationship and your hopes for it.

Absolutely true.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *aucasian GhandiMan
over a year ago

from my dad's left nut (Warwick)

"Lots of folks seem to think that they’d never cheat.

That’s what we all think when we get married. Like we think it’s for life. We hope so, anyways.

You're just judging people by your own standards. Which are apparently very low.

Nope. Just being a realist.

I’m so so glad this last part is completely untrue.

And absolutely positively will never apply to me.

Please consider therapy OP. Otherwise I’m pretty sure the trail of destruction might just continue

You must have missed the part where I said I was seeing a therapist

TL; DR tbh

Just see what your therapist says about you trying to garner sympathy for your actions on here. It won’t be the answer you want to hear, like all the ones you’ve had above

I so wanna say something to this Littorbird.....trying really hard not to

Say what you like. Not hiding anything.

Come sit opposite me in thearpy, and I'd tell you exactly what I think and be alot more challenging towards to you. Alas on here I'll get a ban if I do..

Good job (I assume) you’re not a therapist then, innit?

You can assume what you like, remember to assume makes an

ass out out of u and me

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ortyairCouple
over a year ago

Wallasey

"Lots of folks seem to think that they’d never cheat.

That’s what we all think when we get married. Like we think it’s for life. We hope so, anyways.

Not after sympathy at all, as I’ve repeatedly said

And you don’t know you wouldn’t. None of us do. That’s a point I’ve tried to make .

No no, I was correct the first time. I DO know that I wouldn’t do that. Just because you can’t control yourself you can’t sit there and make the same assumptions of others.

And I also KNEW that I wouldn’t do that. Until I did.

That’s on you not everyone else. Like others are trying to tell you.

I see the point was lost on you. Never mind.

No arguing here - just pointing out that anyone can fall. Anyone."
That is very true. However I think everyone can get up again. It's how you do that that matters.

For me you're coming across as a bit of a victim. You describe the loss of the relationship as 'literally like mourning'.

But it's not, mourning is losing a loved one forever, no chance of reconciliation, nothing. What your describing is the loss of one relationship, which most, if not all have gone through. Over time most meet other people fall in love and that feeling replaces the hurt you are feeling now.

Death of a love one is a totally different thing. And in your case you have to accept that you played the major part in 'killing' off your relationship.

Can I ask why you are still on here, if you are missing being in a relationship so much? Maybe it would be better to reset your efforts and come off here, for what ever gratification you are seeking and sign up for some dating sites.

Just a thought Mrs x

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *om and JennieCouple
over a year ago

Chams or Socials

Having been cheated on & having my life implode to the point where I felt like I no longer wanted to be alive I have absolutely no sympathy for you. You reap what you sow

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Lots of folks seem to think that they’d never cheat.

That’s what we all think when we get married. Like we think it’s for life. We hope so, anyways.

You're just judging people by your own standards. Which are apparently very low.

Nope. Just being a realist.

I’m so so glad this last part is completely untrue.

And absolutely positively will never apply to me.

Please consider therapy OP. Otherwise I’m pretty sure the trail of destruction might just continue

You must have missed the part where I said I was seeing a therapist

TL; DR tbh

Just see what your therapist says about you trying to garner sympathy for your actions on here. It won’t be the answer you want to hear, like all the ones you’ve had above

I so wanna say something to this Littorbird.....trying really hard not to

Say what you like. Not hiding anything.

Come sit opposite me in thearpy, and I'd tell you exactly what I think and be alot more challenging towards to you. Alas on here I'll get a ban if I do..

Good job (I assume) you’re not a therapist then, innit?

You can assume what you like, remember to assume makes an

ass out out of u and me "

Perhaps you are a therapist - in which case I’d argue that you’re not ideally suited to the role given your responses throughout this thread.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Lots of folks seem to think that they’d never cheat.

That’s what we all think when we get married. Like we think it’s for life. We hope so, anyways.

You're just judging people by your own standards. Which are apparently very low.

Nope. Just being a realist.

I’m so so glad this last part is completely untrue.

And absolutely positively will never apply to me.

Please consider therapy OP. Otherwise I’m pretty sure the trail of destruction might just continue

You must have missed the part where I said I was seeing a therapist

TL; DR tbh

Just see what your therapist says about you trying to garner sympathy for your actions on here. It won’t be the answer you want to hear, like all the ones you’ve had above

I so wanna say something to this Littorbird.....trying really hard not to

Say what you like. Not hiding anything.

Come sit opposite me in thearpy, and I'd tell you exactly what I think and be alot more challenging towards to you. Alas on here I'll get a ban if I do..

Good job (I assume) you’re not a therapist then, innit?

You can assume what you like, remember to assume makes an

ass out out of u and me

Perhaps you are a therapist - in which case I’d argue that you’re not ideally suited to the role given your responses throughout this thread. "

Oooh! BRAVE! (smug)... Considering your own seating arrangements

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *aucasian GhandiMan
over a year ago

from my dad's left nut (Warwick)

"Lots of folks seem to think that they’d never cheat.

That’s what we all think when we get married. Like we think it’s for life. We hope so, anyways.

You're just judging people by your own standards. Which are apparently very low.

Nope. Just being a realist.

I’m so so glad this last part is completely untrue.

And absolutely positively will never apply to me.

Please consider therapy OP. Otherwise I’m pretty sure the trail of destruction might just continue

You must have missed the part where I said I was seeing a therapist

TL; DR tbh

Just see what your therapist says about you trying to garner sympathy for your actions on here. It won’t be the answer you want to hear, like all the ones you’ve had above

I so wanna say something to this Littorbird.....trying really hard not to

Say what you like. Not hiding anything.

Come sit opposite me in thearpy, and I'd tell you exactly what I think and be alot more challenging towards to you. Alas on here I'll get a ban if I do..

Good job (I assume) you’re not a therapist then, innit?

You can assume what you like, remember to assume makes an

ass out out of u and me

Perhaps you are a therapist - in which case I’d argue that you’re not ideally suited to the role given your responses throughout this thread. "

Say what you like, im not the one with lose morals now am I....you can pick apart my responses, but remember your only doing it as you don't like what I have to say, which is only the truth btw.

why is that?

And I'd argue your not cut out for a relationship....

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *weetiepie99Woman
over a year ago

cardiff

"Lots of folks seem to think that they’d never cheat.

That’s what we all think when we get married. Like we think it’s for life. We hope so, anyways.

It’s not about them being the only one, it’s about how you handle it when you find yourself feeling that way. It’s not about the person you’re with, it’s about the person you are.

I’m single, but I’ve never cheated on anyone and never would. If I ran out of love for someone that I thought I’d be tempted by someone else, I’d end my relationship. "

Absolutely this.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You both sound like absolute arseholes who don't care what they do, who they hurt or ignore as long as everything goes OK and works out for yourself. Good luck to you both

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Heartbreak is heartbreak no matter the reason its the worst pain imagionable"

Disagree. Grief is the worst

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Lots of folks seem to think that they’d never cheat.

That’s what we all think when we get married. Like we think it’s for life. We hope so, anyways.

You're just judging people by your own standards. Which are apparently very low.

Nope. Just being a realist.

I’m so so glad this last part is completely untrue.

And absolutely positively will never apply to me.

Please consider therapy OP. Otherwise I’m pretty sure the trail of destruction might just continue

You must have missed the part where I said I was seeing a therapist

TL; DR tbh

Just see what your therapist says about you trying to garner sympathy for your actions on here. It won’t be the answer you want to hear, like all the ones you’ve had above

I so wanna say something to this Littorbird.....trying really hard not to

Say what you like. Not hiding anything.

Come sit opposite me in thearpy, and I'd tell you exactly what I think and be alot more challenging towards to you. Alas on here I'll get a ban if I do..

Good job (I assume) you’re not a therapist then, innit?

You can assume what you like, remember to assume makes an

ass out out of u and me

Perhaps you are a therapist - in which case I’d argue that you’re not ideally suited to the role given your responses throughout this thread.

Say what you like, im not the one with lose morals now am I....you can pick apart my responses, but remember your only doing it as you don't like what I have to say, which is only the truth btw.

why is that?

And I'd argue your not cut out for a relationship...."

You say you’re only telling the truth - but it’s the truth as *you* see it.

I repeat again, that anyone can fall. We all think we have strong moral fibre, I certainly did. But how severely has yours been tested? Do you know for sure? I suspect you believe it has. But I assure you that it can be tested further - to the point of breaking. And that goes for anyone.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You both sound like absolute arseholes who don't care what they do, who they hurt or ignore as long as everything goes OK and works out for yourself. Good luck to you both "

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *aucasian GhandiMan
over a year ago

from my dad's left nut (Warwick)

"Lots of folks seem to think that they’d never cheat.

That’s what we all think when we get married. Like we think it’s for life. We hope so, anyways.

You're just judging people by your own standards. Which are apparently very low.

Nope. Just being a realist.

I’m so so glad this last part is completely untrue.

And absolutely positively will never apply to me.

Please consider therapy OP. Otherwise I’m pretty sure the trail of destruction might just continue

You must have missed the part where I said I was seeing a therapist

TL; DR tbh

Just see what your therapist says about you trying to garner sympathy for your actions on here. It won’t be the answer you want to hear, like all the ones you’ve had above

I so wanna say something to this Littorbird.....trying really hard not to

Say what you like. Not hiding anything.

Come sit opposite me in thearpy, and I'd tell you exactly what I think and be alot more challenging towards to you. Alas on here I'll get a ban if I do..

Good job (I assume) you’re not a therapist then, innit?

You can assume what you like, remember to assume makes an

ass out out of u and me

Perhaps you are a therapist - in which case I’d argue that you’re not ideally suited to the role given your responses throughout this thread.

Say what you like, im not the one with lose morals now am I....you can pick apart my responses, but remember your only doing it as you don't like what I have to say, which is only the truth btw.

why is that?

And I'd argue your not cut out for a relationship....

You say you’re only telling the truth - but it’s the truth as *you* see it.

OK, so let me share about testing of my morals and total betrayal of my moral stance.

Try spending 20 years in active heroin addiction, where your morals that have been instilled since birth, and are challenged and totally gone against on a daily basis. I sold my morals fir my next fix. I sold, traded and bartered everything for my next fix..

Yes I've done some horrendous things in my past... but the difference, is I own that, I dont go outside of self to place the blame on others...

So, please don't come with my morals haven't been challenged, they've been challenged alit deeper than your, I do have or did have sympathy for u, as I understand human behaviour. However, what smashed that was your total lack of ownership of your part. And putting this on the ppl who've contributed to this thread

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Lots of folks seem to think that they’d never cheat.

That’s what we all think when we get married. Like we think it’s for life. We hope so, anyways.

You're just judging people by your own standards. Which are apparently very low.

Nope. Just being a realist.

I’m so so glad this last part is completely untrue.

And absolutely positively will never apply to me.

Please consider therapy OP. Otherwise I’m pretty sure the trail of destruction might just continue

You must have missed the part where I said I was seeing a therapist

TL; DR tbh

Just see what your therapist says about you trying to garner sympathy for your actions on here. It won’t be the answer you want to hear, like all the ones you’ve had above

I so wanna say something to this Littorbird.....trying really hard not to

Say what you like. Not hiding anything.

Come sit opposite me in thearpy, and I'd tell you exactly what I think and be alot more challenging towards to you. Alas on here I'll get a ban if I do..

Good job (I assume) you’re not a therapist then, innit?

You can assume what you like, remember to assume makes an

ass out out of u and me

Perhaps you are a therapist - in which case I’d argue that you’re not ideally suited to the role given your responses throughout this thread.

Say what you like, im not the one with lose morals now am I....you can pick apart my responses, but remember your only doing it as you don't like what I have to say, which is only the truth btw.

why is that?

And I'd argue your not cut out for a relationship....

You say you’re only telling the truth - but it’s the truth as *you* see it.

OK, so let me share about testing of my morals and total betrayal of my moral stance.

Yes I've done some horrendous things in my past... but the difference, is I own that, I dont go outside of self to place the blame on others...

I sympathise immensely with your addiction - genuinely. I have that addictive personality too. Gambling was my thing, which I ditched a decade ago, fortunately.

Addiction is tough - and it takes many forms. Including people.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

Way too long for me to read, but whatever it is, have you tried a nice relaxing bath and maybe some local honey ?

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Way too long for me to read, but whatever it is, have you tried a nice relaxing bath and maybe some local honey ? "

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *aucasian GhandiMan
over a year ago

from my dad's left nut (Warwick)

"Lots of folks seem to think that they’d never cheat.

That’s what we all think when we get married. Like we think it’s for life. We hope so, anyways.

You're just judging people by your own standards. Which are apparently very low.

Nope. Just being a realist.

I’m so so glad this last part is completely untrue.

And absolutely positively will never apply to me.

Please consider therapy OP. Otherwise I’m pretty sure the trail of destruction might just continue

You must have missed the part where I said I was seeing a therapist

TL; DR tbh

Just see what your therapist says about you trying to garner sympathy for your actions on here. It won’t be the answer you want to hear, like all the ones you’ve had above

I so wanna say something to this Littorbird.....trying really hard not to

Say what you like. Not hiding anything.

Come sit opposite me in thearpy, and I'd tell you exactly what I think and be alot more challenging towards to you. Alas on here I'll get a ban if I do..

Good job (I assume) you’re not a therapist then, innit?

You can assume what you like, remember to assume makes an

ass out out of u and me

Perhaps you are a therapist - in which case I’d argue that you’re not ideally suited to the role given your responses throughout this thread.

Say what you like, im not the one with lose morals now am I....you can pick apart my responses, but remember your only doing it as you don't like what I have to say, which is only the truth btw.

why is that?

And I'd argue your not cut out for a relationship....

You say you’re only telling the truth - but it’s the truth as *you* see it.

OK, so let me share about testing of my morals and total betrayal of my moral stance.

Yes I've done some horrendous things in my past... but the difference, is I own that, I dont go outside of self to place the blame on others...

I sympathise immensely with your addiction - genuinely. I have that addictive personality too. Gambling was my thing, which I ditched a decade ago, fortunately.

Addiction is tough - and it takes many forms. Including people. "

I dont need nor require your sympathy for my lifes journey. As I'm alright with it....op I wish you all the best.....

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OP out of interest why have you now hidden your profile pic? Is it in response to a question earlier (and maybe your wife doesn't really know)?

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ortyairCouple
over a year ago

Wallasey

Just re-read your post and, whilst agreeing everyone can fall, inow would like to say not in the same way as yourself.

What you are doing is 'normalising' your behaviour. If everyone will do the same, then your actions aren't so bad. You are doing this to make yourself feel better.

If its fated for everyone then it's not so bad. But it's not, people have different moral codes and make different life choices.

You made yours and you cannot bear to think it was purely down to you. According to you, you are just the latest victim of fate and therewasnothing you could do. But there was and if you admit it, you know there was.

You are just looking for some sy.pathy for your poor choices. Not sure this is the right place to be looking.

I've never cheated on anyone. Neither has my partner. I'm shall I won't 'fall' in the way you describe for two reasons. I have a moral code that prevents me intentionally harming someone and secondly I love my hubby. Love would prevent me from cheating on him xxx

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"OP out of interest why have you now hidden your profile pic? Is it in response to a question earlier (and maybe your wife doesn't really know)?"

My wife does know - but I am considering taking a back seat here - I have a few friends I speak with on the daily, but am not interested in new ones, particularly.

I’ve had a couple of lovely DM’s from strangers on here who’ve been kind enough to reach out without judgement. One of them suggested removing the pic.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Just re-read your post and, whilst agreeing everyone can fall, inow would like to say not in the same way as yourself.

What you are doing is 'normalising' your behaviour. If everyone will do the same, then your actions aren't so bad. You are doing this to make yourself feel better.

If its fated for everyone then it's not so bad. But it's not, people have different moral codes and make different life choices.

You are just looking for some sy.pathy for your poor choices. Not sure this is the right place to be looking.

Absolutely spot on

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Just re-read your post and, whilst agreeing everyone can fall, inow would like to say not in the same way as yourself.

What you are doing is 'normalising' your behaviour. If everyone will do the same, then your actions aren't so bad. You are doing this to make yourself feel better.

If its fated for everyone then it's not so bad. But it's not, people have different moral codes and make different life choices.

You are just looking for some sy.pathy for your poor choices. Not sure this is the right place to be looking.

I would hope that your love would prevent that.

But the point is, you don’t know for certain that it is enough. You think it is. Perhaps it is.

But you don’t know for certain, I assure you.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *aucasian GhandiMan
over a year ago

from my dad's left nut (Warwick)

"Just re-read your post and, whilst agreeing everyone can fall, inow would like to say not in the same way as yourself.

What you are doing is 'normalising' your behaviour. If everyone will do the same, then your actions aren't so bad. You are doing this to make yourself feel better.

If its fated for everyone then it's not so bad. But it's not, people have different moral codes and make different life choices.

You are just looking for some sy.pathy for your poor choices. Not sure this is the right place to be looking.

I would hope that your love would prevent that.

But the point is, you don’t know for certain that it is enough. You think it is. Perhaps it is.

But you don’t know for certain, I assure you. "

Clutching at straws

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Just re-read your post and, whilst agreeing everyone can fall, inow would like to say not in the same way as yourself.

What you are doing is 'normalising' your behaviour. If everyone will do the same, then your actions aren't so bad. You are doing this to make yourself feel better.

If its fated for everyone then it's not so bad. But it's not, people have different moral codes and make different life choices.

You are just looking for some sy.pathy for your poor choices. Not sure this is the right place to be looking.

I would hope that your love would prevent that.

But the point is, you don’t know for certain that it is enough. You think it is. Perhaps it is.

But you don’t know for certain, I assure you.

Clutching at straws "

I assure you I’m not. If only that were the case.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *aucasian GhandiMan
over a year ago

from my dad's left nut (Warwick)

"Just re-read your post and, whilst agreeing everyone can fall, inow would like to say not in the same way as yourself.

What you are doing is 'normalising' your behaviour. If everyone will do the same, then your actions aren't so bad. You are doing this to make yourself feel better.

If its fated for everyone then it's not so bad. But it's not, people have different moral codes and make different life choices.

You are just looking for some sy.pathy for your poor choices. Not sure this is the right place to be looking.

I would hope that your love would prevent that.

But the point is, you don’t know for certain that it is enough. You think it is. Perhaps it is.

But you don’t know for certain, I assure you.

Clutching at straws

I assure you I’m not. If only that were the case. "

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *melie LALWoman
over a year ago

Peterborough

"Lots of folks seem to think that they’d never cheat.

That’s what we all think when we get married. Like we think it’s for life. We hope so, anyways.

You're just judging people by your own standards. Which are apparently very low.

Nope. Just being a realist.

I’m so so glad this last part is completely untrue.

And absolutely positively will never apply to me.

Please consider therapy OP. Otherwise I’m pretty sure the trail of destruction might just continue

You must have missed the part where I said I was seeing a therapist

TL; DR tbh

Just see what your therapist says about you trying to garner sympathy for your actions on here. It won’t be the answer you want to hear, like all the ones you’ve had above

I so wanna say something to this Littorbird.....trying really hard not to

Say what you like. Not hiding anything.

Come sit opposite me in thearpy, and I'd tell you exactly what I think and be alot more challenging towards to you. Alas on here I'll get a ban if I do..

Good job (I assume) you’re not a therapist then, innit?

You can assume what you like, remember to assume makes an

ass out out of u and me

Perhaps you are a therapist - in which case I’d argue that you’re not ideally suited to the role given your responses throughout this thread.

Say what you like, im not the one with lose morals now am I....you can pick apart my responses, but remember your only doing it as you don't like what I have to say, which is only the truth btw.

why is that?

And I'd argue your not cut out for a relationship....

You say you’re only telling the truth - but it’s the truth as *you* see it.

OK, so let me share about testing of my morals and total betrayal of my moral stance.

Yes I've done some horrendous things in my past... but the difference, is I own that, I dont go outside of self to place the blame on others...

I sympathise immensely with your addiction - genuinely. I have that addictive personality too. Gambling was my thing, which I ditched a decade ago, fortunately.

Addiction is tough - and it takes many forms. Including people. "

If you're aware of your addictive nature, why on earth did you meet the girl who fancied you, in the first place? Ego!

Both you and S are obviously selfish people very led by ego. It was very telling when you ended your tale with "she won't leave him"... Just like you wouldn't leave your wife.

My suggestion is that you tell your therapist everything. Oh and be prepared to work very hard as it's not the therapist's job to tell you what to do but guide you to find your own answers. And advice regarding behaviours.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *aucasian GhandiMan
over a year ago

from my dad's left nut (Warwick)

"Lots of folks seem to think that they’d never cheat.

That’s what we all think when we get married. Like we think it’s for life. We hope so, anyways.

You're just judging people by your own standards. Which are apparently very low.

Nope. Just being a realist.

I’m so so glad this last part is completely untrue.

And absolutely positively will never apply to me.

Please consider therapy OP. Otherwise I’m pretty sure the trail of destruction might just continue

You must have missed the part where I said I was seeing a therapist

TL; DR tbh

Just see what your therapist says about you trying to garner sympathy for your actions on here. It won’t be the answer you want to hear, like all the ones you’ve had above

I so wanna say something to this Littorbird.....trying really hard not to

Say what you like. Not hiding anything.

Come sit opposite me in thearpy, and I'd tell you exactly what I think and be alot more challenging towards to you. Alas on here I'll get a ban if I do..

Good job (I assume) you’re not a therapist then, innit?

You can assume what you like, remember to assume makes an

ass out out of u and me

Perhaps you are a therapist - in which case I’d argue that you’re not ideally suited to the role given your responses throughout this thread.

Say what you like, im not the one with lose morals now am I....you can pick apart my responses, but remember your only doing it as you don't like what I have to say, which is only the truth btw.

why is that?

And I'd argue your not cut out for a relationship....

You say you’re only telling the truth - but it’s the truth as *you* see it.

OK, so let me share about testing of my morals and total betrayal of my moral stance.

Yes I've done some horrendous things in my past... but the difference, is I own that, I dont go outside of self to place the blame on others...

I sympathise immensely with your addiction - genuinely. I have that addictive personality too. Gambling was my thing, which I ditched a decade ago, fortunately.

Addiction is tough - and it takes many forms. Including people.

If you're aware of your addictive nature, why on earth did you meet the girl who fancied you, in the first place? Ego!

Both you and S are obviously selfish people very led by ego. It was very telling when you ended your tale with "she won't leave him"... Just like you wouldn't leave your wife.

This all day long ^^

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ortyairCouple
over a year ago

Wallasey

"Just re-read your post and, whilst agreeing everyone can fall, inow would like to say not in the same way as yourself.

What you are doing is 'normalising' your behaviour. If everyone will do the same, then your actions aren't so bad. You are doing this to make yourself feel better.

If its fated for everyone then it's not so bad. But it's not, people have different moral codes and make different life choices.

You are just looking for some sy.pathy for your poor choices. Not sure this is the right place to be looking.

I would hope that your love would prevent that.

But the point is, you don’t know for certain that it is enough. You think it is. Perhaps it is.

But you don’t know for certain, I assure you. "
So you can 'assure' me of your position, yet I cannot assure you of mine.

I absolutely can. There are a plethora of choices anyone could make but choose not to. With absolute certainty I know that I would not commit any heinous crimes. The stuff of nightmares, but others have done, I just have a different moral code.

Now don't just fall back on your argument of I cannot be sure because certain circumstances or situations have not come up in my life yet. But I'm absolutely positive that I would not commit one of those acts, I'm not going to mention them but you can think of a few of them yourself.

Cheating is absolutely one of the things I would never do and again for two reasons, one of which is different from the first answer I gave before. So love for my hubby as I already said but the second this time is honesty. If I fancied anyone and had the chance I'd only have to ask my hubby if he was OK with that.

It's one of the reasons we are on this site. I think it's that honesty between couples that so attractive about swinging.

Cheating is the antithesis of this xxx

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Just re-read your post and, whilst agreeing everyone can fall, inow would like to say not in the same way as yourself.

What you are doing is 'normalising' your behaviour. If everyone will do the same, then your actions aren't so bad. You are doing this to make yourself feel better.

If its fated for everyone then it's not so bad. But it's not, people have different moral codes and make different life choices.

You are just looking for some sy.pathy for your poor choices. Not sure this is the right place to be looking.

I would hope that your love would prevent that.

But the point is, you don’t know for certain that it is enough. You think it is. Perhaps it is.

But you don’t know for certain, I assure you. "

You can't assure. I think that's where you are failing to see people's points. There's people out there that know their certainties and all you are doing is pushing on with 'no you dont'

You don't know them. They don't know you.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *melie LALWoman
over a year ago

Peterborough

I never thought I'd cheat, but I did. It wasn't to feed my ego but to escape the emotional trauma I was under at the time. So in one sense I can agree with your sentiment.

It took me a long time to come to terms with it.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Just re-read your post and, whilst agreeing everyone can fall, inow would like to say not in the same way as yourself.

What you are doing is 'normalising' your behaviour. If everyone will do the same, then your actions aren't so bad. You are doing this to make yourself feel better.

If its fated for everyone then it's not so bad. But it's not, people have different moral codes and make different life choices.

You are just looking for some sy.pathy for your poor choices. Not sure this is the right place to be looking.

I would hope that your love would prevent that.

But the point is, you don’t know for certain that it is enough. You think it is. Perhaps it is.

But you don’t know for certain, I assure you.

You can't assure. I think that's where you are failing to see people's points. There's people out there that know their certainties and all you are doing is pushing on with 'no you dont'

You don't know them. They don't know you. "

And what people are failing to recognise is that I also knew my certainties. At least so I thought. I was every bit as ‘certain’ as anyone else that I would never cheat.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I never thought I'd cheat, but I did. It wasn't to feed my ego but to escape the emotional trauma I was under at the time. So in one sense I can agree with your sentiment.

It took me a long time to come to terms with it."

None of us like to think that we’re fallible. But we all are, be it spending, drugs, drink or anything else - including sex and emotional attachment.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I feel very sorry for you all in this situation. However if you really did love her you'd have left your wife. I think she probably realised you didn't love her enough.

I expect you are both heartbroken.

I say this as someone that's been in a similar situation. Always going back and holding on to crumbs of hope

I imagine it took a lot of courage for her not to show up and now you must leave her be.

I'd suggest you also talk to your wife and work out that relationship too.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I feel very sorry for you all in this situation. However if you really did love her you'd have left your wife. I think she probably realised you didn't love her enough.

I expect you are both heartbroken.

I say this as someone that's been in a similar situation. Always going back and holding on to crumbs of hope

I imagine it took a lot of courage for her not to show up and now you must leave her be.

I'd suggest you also talk to your wife and work out that relationship too. "

Aye, I’ve asked her not to contact me nor come looking for me. In turn I’ve blocked her (and asked her to block me - she hasn’t done so

)

My wife and I have a decision to make, and it’s a biggie.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually

"And what people are failing to recognise is that I also knew my certainties. At least so I thought. I was every bit as ‘certain’ as anyone else that I would never cheat. "

Would never cheat. But had an instant no hesitation response to who they'd like to sleep with that wasn't their wife before they'd had the time and opportunity to make that kind of connection with that person?

Odd.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Just re-read your post and, whilst agreeing everyone can fall, inow would like to say not in the same way as yourself.

What you are doing is 'normalising' your behaviour. If everyone will do the same, then your actions aren't so bad. You are doing this to make yourself feel better.

If its fated for everyone then it's not so bad. But it's not, people have different moral codes and make different life choices.

You are just looking for some sy.pathy for your poor choices. Not sure this is the right place to be looking.

I would hope that your love would prevent that.

But the point is, you don’t know for certain that it is enough. You think it is. Perhaps it is.

But you don’t know for certain, I assure you.

You can't assure. I think that's where you are failing to see people's points. There's people out there that know their certainties and all you are doing is pushing on with 'no you dont'

You don't know them. They don't know you.

And what people are failing to recognise is that I also knew my certainties. At least so I thought. I was every bit as ‘certain’ as anyone else that I would never cheat.

That's because of your wording of your op. Your choice of explaining your situation is ladled with cheating which is the focus. Not the question you asked

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"And what people are failing to recognise is that I also knew my certainties. At least so I thought. I was every bit as ‘certain’ as anyone else that I would never cheat.

Odd."

Yes. You’ve met people you don’t know and decided whether you fancy them or not, no? Or seen people in the street and been attracted to them?

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"OP out of interest why have you now hidden your profile pic? Is it in response to a question earlier (and maybe your wife doesn't really know)?

My wife does know - but I am considering taking a back seat here - I have a few friends I speak with on the daily, but am not interested in new ones, particularly.

I’ve had a couple of lovely DM’s from strangers on here who’ve been kind enough to reach out without judgement. One of them suggested removing the pic."

Course they did

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

You OP and S are both selfish, only thinking of what you both wanted and for you to try and say that "nobody knows that they wouldn't do the same is just pathetic.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"OP out of interest why have you now hidden your profile pic? Is it in response to a question earlier (and maybe your wife doesn't really know)?

My wife does know - but I am considering taking a back seat here - I have a few friends I speak with on the daily, but am not interested in new ones, particularly.

I’ve had a couple of lovely DM’s from strangers on here who’ve been kind enough to reach out without judgement. One of them suggested removing the pic.

Course they did

Yes they did. Couldn’t really give a toss whether you believe me or not.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *aucasian GhandiMan
over a year ago

from my dad's left nut (Warwick)

"I feel very sorry for you all in this situation. However if you really did love her you'd have left your wife. I think she probably realised you didn't love her enough.

I expect you are both heartbroken.

I say this as someone that's been in a similar situation. Always going back and holding on to crumbs of hope

I imagine it took a lot of courage for her not to show up and now you must leave her be.

I'd suggest you also talk to your wife and work out that relationship too.

Aye, I’ve asked her not to contact me nor come looking for me. In turn I’ve blocked her (and asked her to block me - she hasn’t done so

)

My wife and I have a decision to make, and it’s a biggie. "

And that's make everything alright and better in the end

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ortyairCouple
over a year ago

Wallasey

"You OP and S are both selfish, only thinking of what you both wanted and for you to try and say that "nobody knows that they wouldn't do the same is just pathetic.

That, Mrs xxx

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"OP out of interest why have you now hidden your profile pic? Is it in response to a question earlier (and maybe your wife doesn't really know)?

My wife does know - but I am considering taking a back seat here - I have a few friends I speak with on the daily, but am not interested in new ones, particularly.

I’ve had a couple of lovely DM’s from strangers on here who’ve been kind enough to reach out without judgement. One of them suggested removing the pic.

Course they did

Oh you cynic. I believed him. He ssems such a reliable and trust worth sort.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

"I feel very sorry for you all in this situation. However if you really did love her you'd have left your wife. I think she probably realised you didn't love her enough.

I expect you are both heartbroken.

I say this as someone that's been in a similar situation. Always going back and holding on to crumbs of hope

I imagine it took a lot of courage for her not to show up and now you must leave her be.

I'd suggest you also talk to your wife and work out that relationship too.

Aye, I’ve asked her not to contact me nor come looking for me. In turn I’ve blocked her (and asked her to block me - she hasn’t done so

)

My wife and I have a decision to make, and it’s a biggie. "

I hope to god your wife has bigger balls than you and kicks you to the curb. She deserves so much better.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually

"Yes. You’ve met people you don’t know and decided whether you fancy them or not, no? Or seen people in the street and been attracted to them? "

It's very rare someone's aesthetics stand out enough for me personally to not need to know who they are before actyally wanting to fuck them. I can appreciate a physically attractive person without any desire to act on that whether I'm single or not.

On those occasions when I was younger and tried to adhere to that monogamous bull, the time to leave was when the appreciation for someone else's form turned into a genuine longing for them.

I did cheat once, when I was 16, and it's not something I will ever put another human through again.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *aucasian GhandiMan
over a year ago

from my dad's left nut (Warwick)

"Just re-read your post and, whilst agreeing everyone can fall, inow would like to say not in the same way as yourself.

What you are doing is 'normalising' your behaviour. If everyone will do the same, then your actions aren't so bad. You are doing this to make yourself feel better.

If its fated for everyone then it's not so bad. But it's not, people have different moral codes and make different life choices.

You are just looking for some sy.pathy for your poor choices. Not sure this is the right place to be looking.

I would hope that your love would prevent that.

But the point is, you don’t know for certain that it is enough. You think it is. Perhaps it is.

But you don’t know for certain, I assure you.

You can't assure. I think that's where you are failing to see people's points. There's people out there that know their certainties and all you are doing is pushing on with 'no you dont'

You don't know them. They don't know you.

And what people are failing to recognise is that I also knew my certainties. At least so I thought. I was every bit as ‘certain’ as anyone else that I would never cheat.

But yet when the opportunity arose, you were up there like a rat up a drain pipe, with no thought or consideration for your wife, which is so ego centric it's laughable, but you neglect see this, rather placing it on everybody else

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I feel very sorry for you all in this situation. However if you really did love her you'd have left your wife. I think she probably realised you didn't love her enough.

I expect you are both heartbroken.

I say this as someone that's been in a similar situation. Always going back and holding on to crumbs of hope

I imagine it took a lot of courage for her not to show up and now you must leave her be.

I'd suggest you also talk to your wife and work out that relationship too.

Aye, I’ve asked her not to contact me nor come looking for me. In turn I’ve blocked her (and asked her to block me - she hasn’t done so

)

My wife and I have a decision to make, and it’s a biggie.

I hope to god your wife has bigger balls than you and kicks you to the curb. She deserves so much better."

I’ll deserve it. I’ll accept it.

But the broader point remains - the holier than thou brigade who would ‘never, ever cheat’ can’t say that for certain until they lay on their death bed having never cheated.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *aucasian GhandiMan
over a year ago

from my dad's left nut (Warwick)

"I feel very sorry for you all in this situation. However if you really did love her you'd have left your wife. I think she probably realised you didn't love her enough.

I expect you are both heartbroken.

I say this as someone that's been in a similar situation. Always going back and holding on to crumbs of hope

I imagine it took a lot of courage for her not to show up and now you must leave her be.

I'd suggest you also talk to your wife and work out that relationship too.

Aye, I’ve asked her not to contact me nor come looking for me. In turn I’ve blocked her (and asked her to block me - she hasn’t done so

)

My wife and I have a decision to make, and it’s a biggie.

I hope to god your wife has bigger balls than you and kicks you to the curb. She deserves so much better.

I’ll deserve it. I’ll accept it.

But the broader point remains - the holier than thou brigade who would ‘never, ever cheat’ can’t say that for certain until they lay on their death bed having never cheated. "

That hole is getting deeper, im starting to hear an echo

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ucka39Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

Sounds to me this long story cutting short needs some planning

thought I was close to the end once I read cutting short

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

"I feel very sorry for you all in this situation. However if you really did love her you'd have left your wife. I think she probably realised you didn't love her enough.

I expect you are both heartbroken.

I say this as someone that's been in a similar situation. Always going back and holding on to crumbs of hope

I imagine it took a lot of courage for her not to show up and now you must leave her be.

I'd suggest you also talk to your wife and work out that relationship too.

Aye, I’ve asked her not to contact me nor come looking for me. In turn I’ve blocked her (and asked her to block me - she hasn’t done so

)

My wife and I have a decision to make, and it’s a biggie.

I hope to god your wife has bigger balls than you and kicks you to the curb. She deserves so much better.

I’ll deserve it. I’ll accept it.

But the broader point remains - the holier than thou brigade who would ‘never, ever cheat’ can’t say that for certain until they lay on their death bed having never cheated. "

Are you stuck on repeat??... Don't tar everyone with your shitty stick, it makes you comes across as a petulant child. Just because YOU fucked it, doesn't mean others are the same....some people aren't controlled by their sexual organs

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How about your wife in all of this, it's all bout you and your woes, she's the one who's been hurt, you being the perpertrater to this

Once again for the cheap seats. I wish life was nice and simple, without complexity or challenge.

Yep. That would be very nice indeed."

As someone who has been cheated on, you won't get any sympathy from this cheap seat.

But a clean break is best for everyone involved.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"OP out of interest why have you now hidden your profile pic? Is it in response to a question earlier (and maybe your wife doesn't really know)?

My wife does know - but I am considering taking a back seat here - I have a few friends I speak with on the daily, but am not interested in new ones, particularly.

I’ve had a couple of lovely DM’s from strangers on here who’ve been kind enough to reach out without judgement. One of them suggested removing the pic.

Course they did

Yes they did. Couldn’t really give a toss whether you believe me or not. "

Don't sweat it. I don't have to believe you... I'm not your Mrs

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *aucasian GhandiMan
over a year ago

from my dad's left nut (Warwick)

"OP out of interest why have you now hidden your profile pic? Is it in response to a question earlier (and maybe your wife doesn't really know)?

My wife does know - but I am considering taking a back seat here - I have a few friends I speak with on the daily, but am not interested in new ones, particularly.

I’ve had a couple of lovely DM’s from strangers on here who’ve been kind enough to reach out without judgement. One of them suggested removing the pic.

Course they did

Yes they did. Couldn’t really give a toss whether you believe me or not.

Don't sweat it. I don't have to believe you... I'm not your Mrs

If you were I'd suggest a tracker on his Phone

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I feel very sorry for you all in this situation. However if you really did love her you'd have left your wife. I think she probably realised you didn't love her enough.

I expect you are both heartbroken.

I say this as someone that's been in a similar situation. Always going back and holding on to crumbs of hope

I imagine it took a lot of courage for her not to show up and now you must leave her be.

I'd suggest you also talk to your wife and work out that relationship too.

Aye, I’ve asked her not to contact me nor come looking for me. In turn I’ve blocked her (and asked her to block me - she hasn’t done so

)

My wife and I have a decision to make, and it’s a biggie.

I hope to god your wife has bigger balls than you and kicks you to the curb. She deserves so much better.

I’ll deserve it. I’ll accept it.

But the broader point remains - the holier than thou brigade who would ‘never, ever cheat’ can’t say that for certain until they lay on their death bed having never cheated.

No. But we are cotrolled by our hearts, feelings, emotions. And that’s complex stuff that can catch you out, no matter how well intended.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I feel very sorry for you all in this situation. However if you really did love her you'd have left your wife. I think she probably realised you didn't love her enough.

I expect you are both heartbroken.

I say this as someone that's been in a similar situation. Always going back and holding on to crumbs of hope

I imagine it took a lot of courage for her not to show up and now you must leave her be.

I'd suggest you also talk to your wife and work out that relationship too.

Aye, I’ve asked her not to contact me nor come looking for me. In turn I’ve blocked her (and asked her to block me - she hasn’t done so

)

My wife and I have a decision to make, and it’s a biggie.

I hope to god your wife has bigger balls than you and kicks you to the curb. She deserves so much better.

I’ll deserve it. I’ll accept it.

But the broader point remains - the holier than thou brigade who would ‘never, ever cheat’ can’t say that for certain until they lay on their death bed having never cheated. "

Using your logic you can’t say you’d never mug a pensioner.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I feel very sorry for you all in this situation. However if you really did love her you'd have left your wife. I think she probably realised you didn't love her enough.

I expect you are both heartbroken.

I say this as someone that's been in a similar situation. Always going back and holding on to crumbs of hope

I imagine it took a lot of courage for her not to show up and now you must leave her be.

I'd suggest you also talk to your wife and work out that relationship too.

Aye, I’ve asked her not to contact me nor come looking for me. In turn I’ve blocked her (and asked her to block me - she hasn’t done so

)

My wife and I have a decision to make, and it’s a biggie.

I hope to god your wife has bigger balls than you and kicks you to the curb. She deserves so much better.

I’ll deserve it. I’ll accept it.

But the broader point remains - the holier than thou brigade who would ‘never, ever cheat’ can’t say that for certain until they lay on their death bed having never cheated.

Using your logic you can’t say you’d never mug a pensioner."

Meh! Cost of living & all that

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *aucasian GhandiMan
over a year ago

from my dad's left nut (Warwick)

"I feel very sorry for you all in this situation. However if you really did love her you'd have left your wife. I think she probably realised you didn't love her enough.

I expect you are both heartbroken.

I say this as someone that's been in a similar situation. Always going back and holding on to crumbs of hope

I imagine it took a lot of courage for her not to show up and now you must leave her be.

I'd suggest you also talk to your wife and work out that relationship too.

Aye, I’ve asked her not to contact me nor come looking for me. In turn I’ve blocked her (and asked her to block me - she hasn’t done so

)

My wife and I have a decision to make, and it’s a biggie.

I hope to god your wife has bigger balls than you and kicks you to the curb. She deserves so much better.

I’ll deserve it. I’ll accept it.

But the broader point remains - the holier than thou brigade who would ‘never, ever cheat’ can’t say that for certain until they lay on their death bed having never cheated.

No. But we are cotrolled by our hearts, feelings, emotions. And that’s complex stuff that can catch you out, no matter how well intended.

So, if your in thearpy you'd know this is not the case, and should be becoming aware and observer of thoughts and feelings. I don't know what thearpy your in. Buy no modality of counselling that ive ever been taught, says we're controlled by thoughts and emotions. We have a choice to act on them or not. Again another hollow justification that you come up with

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *melie LALWoman
over a year ago

Peterborough

"I feel very sorry for you all in this situation. However if you really did love her you'd have left your wife. I think she probably realised you didn't love her enough.

I expect you are both heartbroken.

I say this as someone that's been in a similar situation. Always going back and holding on to crumbs of hope

I imagine it took a lot of courage for her not to show up and now you must leave her be.

I'd suggest you also talk to your wife and work out that relationship too.

Aye, I’ve asked her not to contact me nor come looking for me. In turn I’ve blocked her (and asked her to block me - she hasn’t done so

)

My wife and I have a decision to make, and it’s a biggie.

I hope to god your wife has bigger balls than you and kicks you to the curb. She deserves so much better.

I’ll deserve it. I’ll accept it.

But the broader point remains - the holier than thou brigade who would ‘never, ever cheat’ can’t say that for certain until they lay on their death bed having never cheated.

No. But we are cotrolled by our hearts, feelings, emotions. And that’s complex stuff that can catch you out, no matter how well intended.

And egos. You put yourself in that position. The emotions came later. People are stating they wouldn't put themselves in that position.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ortyairCouple
over a year ago

Wallasey

"I feel very sorry for you all in this situation. However if you really did love her you'd have left your wife. I think she probably realised you didn't love her enough.

I expect you are both heartbroken.

I say this as someone that's been in a similar situation. Always going back and holding on to crumbs of hope

I imagine it took a lot of courage for her not to show up and now you must leave her be.

I'd suggest you also talk to your wife and work out that relationship too.

Aye, I’ve asked her not to contact me nor come looking for me. In turn I’ve blocked her (and asked her to block me - she hasn’t done so

)

My wife and I have a decision to make, and it’s a biggie.

I hope to god your wife has bigger balls than you and kicks you to the curb. She deserves so much better.

I’ll deserve it. I’ll accept it.

But the broader point remains - the holier than thou brigade who would ‘never, ever cheat’ can’t say that for certain until they lay on their death bed having never cheated. "
We can, that's the point.

I'm never going to hurt kids, force anyone to be intimate, murder, steal, Rob any old dears of their life's savings or support Man Utd (just to clarify that's said for a bit of comic relief, it's not as bad as the other things I described obviously).

Cheating is definitely one thing I would never do. I can say this because I am strong willed on this matter.

You on the other hand are weak willed when it comes this matter. In a moment of weakness, you chose, weren't coerced, to cheat on your beloved.

You are not accepting blame for your choices and you are using a psychological technique to minimise your role and subsequent guilt.

You are using 'Transference' to transfer your behaviour and your reasons behind those behaviours, onto those who disagree with you.

Mentioning to your therapist, see what they have to say but please stop telling us that we dont know what our behaviours are.

How you are feeling is a consequence of your behaviour and yours alone x

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

#bekind

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I feel very sorry for you all in this situation. However if you really did love her you'd have left your wife. I think she probably realised you didn't love her enough.

I expect you are both heartbroken.

I say this as someone that's been in a similar situation. Always going back and holding on to crumbs of hope

I imagine it took a lot of courage for her not to show up and now you must leave her be.

I'd suggest you also talk to your wife and work out that relationship too.

Aye, I’ve asked her not to contact me nor come looking for me. In turn I’ve blocked her (and asked her to block me - she hasn’t done so

)

My wife and I have a decision to make, and it’s a biggie.

I hope to god your wife has bigger balls than you and kicks you to the curb. She deserves so much better.

I’ll deserve it. I’ll accept it.

But the broader point remains - the holier than thou brigade who would ‘never, ever cheat’ can’t say that for certain until they lay on their death bed having never cheated. We can, that's the point.

Cheating is definitely one thing I would never do. I can say this because I am strong willed on this matter.

You on the other hand are weak willed when it comes this matter. In a moment of weakness, you chose, weren't coerced, to cheat on your beloved.

You are not accepting blame for your choices and you are using a psychological technique to minimise your role and subsequent guilt.

You are using 'Transference' to transfer your behaviour and your reasons behind those behaviours, onto those who disagree with you.

Mentioning to your therapist, see what they have to say but please stop telling us that we dont know what our behaviours are.

How you are feeling is a consequence of your behaviour and yours alone x"

How you are feeling is a consequence of your behaviour and yours alone

Perfectly put

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately