FabSwingers.com mobile

Join us FREE, we're FREE to use

Web's largest swingers site since 2006.

Already registered?
Login here

Back to forum list
Back to The Lounge

Being messed about.

Jump to newest
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

How much do you get messed about on fab?

Someone saying they'll set a date? But they don't.

Someone saying they are free and then they're not.

They aren't free for weeks.

You give them a date and they don't reply.

You agree to a social but they don't message to arrange it.

You get the idea?

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

not an issue i have.

just shows how popular i am

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *teveuk77Man
over a year ago

uk


"How much do you get messed about on fab?

Someone saying they'll set a date? But they don't.

Someone saying they are free and then they're not.

They aren't free for weeks.

You give them a date and they don't reply.

You agree to a social but they don't message to arrange it.

You get the idea?

"

How on earth does someone who manages to arrange a meet with you then go on to mess you about?!?

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"not an issue i have.

just shows how popular i am"

It's got nothing to do with popularity. Nothing at all.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *penbicoupleCouple
over a year ago

Northampton

Not as much these days, as we give less opportunity for it. That may mean we miss out on real meets, but the first sign of anything dodgy and we pull the plug.

Thankfully, fab isn't our only outlet, so it's not a big issue.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"How much do you get messed about on fab?

Someone saying they'll set a date? But they don't.

Someone saying they are free and then they're not.

They aren't free for weeks.

You give them a date and they don't reply.

You agree to a social but they don't message to arrange it.

You get the idea?

How on earth does someone who manages to arrange a meet with you then go on to mess you about?!? "

Not turning up, saying they now can't make the date, not confirming final details... There's more.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think I take fab abs any other space where I’m meeting people as ‘I’m one of many people that they’re talking to’ and so I usually take it as they get better offers, they have better connections with someone else etc. I tend not to mind if we haven’t met before- charge it to the game.

But yeah It happens a fair amount to answer the OP.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *entlemanrogueMan
over a year ago

Motherwell

Now and again i am contact by a time waster, its just part and parcel of doing almost anything online.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *mf123Man
over a year ago

with one foot out the door

Im normally the messer not the messee im not into following thru with anything these days

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *teveuk77Man
over a year ago

uk


"How much do you get messed about on fab?

Someone saying they'll set a date? But they don't.

Someone saying they are free and then they're not.

They aren't free for weeks.

You give them a date and they don't reply.

You agree to a social but they don't message to arrange it.

You get the idea?

How on earth does someone who manages to arrange a meet with you then go on to mess you about?!?

Not turning up, saying they now can't make the date, not confirming final details... There's more. "

I think that should have been a why rather than how. If it was me, even if something got it the way, I would rearrange. I guess some aren't serious to start with

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It took me a long time to switch to clubs only but this is the main reason I did. Countless times being messed around, having my time wasted and not being treated like a human being. I get it, life gets in the way sometimes and fab world isn't the real world but god this shit is exhausting.

I used to be understanding, forgiving and give people more chances than quite frankly they deserved. Now I'm a bit more cut throat, so if I get a sniff of being treated like a mug I just cut it dead. I don't want to be like that but it's got to a point where I struggle to care when it's clear they don't.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *lephantisMan
over a year ago

Oxford

I don't meet often at all, but I've been very lucky. Partly, I think, because of how busy I am, and partly because I like to become friends first, I'm in touch pretty much daily, so there are no surprises. Things change, life happens, but I've never yet been left stranded.

I imagine the odds would go up for people who prefer a quicker pathway from message to meeting.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *oggoneMan
over a year ago

Derry


"How much do you get messed about on fab?

Someone saying they'll set a date? But they don't.

Someone saying they are free and then they're not.

They aren't free for weeks.

You give them a date and they don't reply.

You agree to a social but they don't message to arrange it.

You get the idea?

"

You have a very broad definition of being messed about.

But does it happen? And to a certain extent its the price of admission.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"It took me a long time to switch to clubs only but this is the main reason I did. Countless times being messed around, having my time wasted and not being treated like a human being. I get it, life gets in the way sometimes and fab world isn't the real world but god this shit is exhausting.

I used to be understanding, forgiving and give people more chances than quite frankly they deserved. Now I'm a bit more cut throat, so if I get a sniff of being treated like a mug I just cut it dead. I don't want to be like that but it's got to a point where I struggle to care when it's clear they don't."

I'm with you on this. I really am.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *penbicoupleCouple
over a year ago

Northampton


"I used to be understanding, forgiving and give people more chances than quite frankly they deserved. Now I'm a bit more cut throat, so if I get a sniff of being treated like a mug I just cut it dead. I don't want to be like that but it's got to a point where I struggle to care when it's clear they don't."

Exactly this!

Alice is FAR more gracious than I, but ironically it's my unwillingness to see her messed about that means I accept less crap these days.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *iscean_dreamMan
over a year ago

Llanelli

Not often luckily, conversation sometimes dies either for a bit or completely but that's just the way it is here

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *eliWoman
over a year ago

.

I've never experienced that before on Fab. I wouldn't say it's down to luck or anything, I think, sometimes, for my sins, I'm that person because it can be hard for me to know my partner's rota months in advance etc.

I did have a recent experience of it, away from Fab. And while I still care about the person, I've made it very clear that I'm not going to be messed around again. It's not a good feeling and it's unfair on both parties.

I think that if someone wants to make the effort they will. And trying to make sure the level of investment is equal is important.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

All the time. They're always pretending.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't think we've ever been messed about (yet)!

Nor, would we mess anyone about, we're quite direct that way

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"not an issue i have.

just shows how popular i am

It's got nothing to do with popularity. Nothing at all. "

I dont have the issue as i dont get the offers to sttart with

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don’t put myself in the position to be messed about so no it’s not an issue for me

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We only meet very occasionally and often aren't free to meet for several weeks. We're very upfront about that and we certainly aren't trying to mess people about. I guess everyone's definition of being messed about differs

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not as much as perhaps I used to.

With time and experience you get to see the signs.

As soon as I think that someone is messing me about, that's it for me. I'm done.

I have such precious little time to enjoy myself, I don't appreciate having it wasted

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *lephantisMan
over a year ago

Oxford

Sorry to answer twice, but having re-read the original post,I think it conflates two slightly different things. Not being free for weeks would be common with me, and I'd imagine other full-time working, single parent people here. Having to change plans because of a sick child or frail parent, rail strikes, etc, too.

It should be made clear on the profile if people are likely to find meeting tricky, of course. But people can be 'genuine' AND not able to meet easily. That is different, I think, from people who get cold feet, can't be bothered to communicate, etc. Though, perhaps I'm doing special pleading...I do see that from the other end, both are equally frustrating.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Lucky you got a date…. I chat with women on here to arrange something and get ghosted

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *StepsAheadMan
over a year ago

lancs


"How much do you get messed about on fab?

Someone saying they'll set a date? But they don't.

Someone saying they are free and then they're not.

They aren't free for weeks.

You give them a date and they don't reply.

You agree to a social but they don't message to arrange it.

You get the idea?

"

You wouldnt need tp worry with me

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *elix SightedMan
over a year ago

Cloud 8

I haven’t really been messed around too much in the five years I’ve been on fab. When I look back, it’s easy to see which profiles were going to mess me around and I allowed poor judgement (bellend brain) to lead my decision making.

It hasn’t happened in a long time, but that is largely because I haven’t met anyone in a long time.

I’ll certainly tread carefully next time, but my approach is now to meet friends as opposed to chance encounters.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

Just got ghosted after a social that I thought went well. No idea why as he seemed really keen and there was a lot of chemistry. Ahh well. I have much better offers in the pipeline so onwards and upwards.

But people shouldn't fake enthusiasm it just leads to confusion.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"How much do you get messed about on fab?

Someone saying they'll set a date? But they don't.

Someone saying they are free and then they're not.

They aren't free for weeks.

You give them a date and they don't reply.

You agree to a social but they don't message to arrange it.

You get the idea?

How on earth does someone who manages to arrange a meet with you then go on to mess you about?!? "

Because single men do it constantly. Then complain in the forums.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *elix SightedMan
over a year ago

Cloud 8


"Sorry to answer twice, but having re-read the original post,I think it conflates two slightly different things. Not being free for weeks would be common with me, and I'd imagine other full-time working, single parent people here. Having to change plans because of a sick child or frail parent, rail strikes, etc, too.

It should be made clear on the profile if people are likely to find meeting tricky, of course. But people can be 'genuine' AND not able to meet easily. That is different, I think, from people who get cold feet, can't be bothered to communicate, etc. Though, perhaps I'm doing special pleading...I do see that from the other end, both are equally frustrating."

This is a good point! I was going to mention in my post about someone whose car broke down at the start of a long journey. We’d never met but we’re friends and I trusted her implicitly. That wasn’t her fault and I know we’ll meet when she can.

With the genuine folks, life can easily happen.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *ulieAndBeefCouple
over a year ago

Manchester-ish

We aren't free for months let alone weeks. We make that clear very early on though.

I do wonder how this thread would be received if a guy posted it. Not as much sympathy I'd wager.

J

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"We aren't free for months let alone weeks. We make that clear very early on though.

I do wonder how this thread would be received if a guy posted it. Not as much sympathy I'd wager.

J"

^Don't mess with the best, 'cos the best don't mess.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *riar BelisseWoman
over a year ago

Bliss

My close friends can do it whenever they need to.

Newbies get one chance and one chance only then, I'm gone

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *asty tatsyMan
over a year ago

london


"How much do you get messed about on fab?

Someone saying they'll set a date? But they don't.

Someone saying they are free and then they're not.

They aren't free for weeks.

You give them a date and they don't reply.

You agree to a social but they don't message to arrange it.

You get the idea?

"

To be honest I haven’t really got to that stage yet, it’s more chatting seeing if there is chemistry.

The ones I have, it’s the same old distance and being able to work out some time on both parties.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *ily WhiteWoman
over a year ago

?

It's not an issue I've ever had on here. When I was meeting I always made it clear if I wanted to meet, if others weren't forthcoming in arranging something I'd walk away. I haven't got the time or patience for wishy washy people in any walk of life...do or do not, the options are simple.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

I'm not invested enough here to have anyone mess me about.

I only ever meet initially for a social and that's usually after weeks of chat so I can see any hints of messing coming a mile off which is why I've never had a no show in six years.

Messing in regard to arranging a meet is more often than not down to the reality of life and more important priorities.

I've never had to cancel a meet but always arrange it for when it suits both parties even if that is a long way down the line.

I could easily be unavailable for weeks due to lack of free time and work commitments.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"How much do you get messed about on fab?

Someone saying they'll set a date? But they don't.

Someone saying they are free and then they're not.

They aren't free for weeks.

You give them a date and they don't reply.

You agree to a social but they don't message to arrange it.

You get the idea?

"

Tell me about it ...took time off work to drive to a destination because it suited her ..no show .. not a word to say different ..so there ya go..it's ok for people to do that to others ??? F**k that ..it's a total lack of everything ..not every shoe fits , we all know that but this place is full of Timewasters and the sad thing is , l've said it before, you have to go through that until you realise a person is a Timewaster..cause you don't know until it's too late..sad but that's the way .

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not been an issue for me, though I have been late for two appointments, once the lady waited which was very generous (but she was in a patiserie) and the second one was aware that I was running late, but because it was cold and she was outside she let me know she would not wait.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A week is loads to chat with someone , if they haven't mentioned a meet or a social in a week ..good night shirt ...they have no intention of ever meeting and are just stringing you along .

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

Very rarely if I’m honest. But I tend to be the more elusive one to pin down for a date to meet so that could be why.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There’s someone who I recently spent weeks texting (which is unusual for me). Then when it came time to meet they said they just wanted to enjoy the fantasy.

I ended that one there and then.

I get why people do it, but it would better if they said up front that they’re just having a wank.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast


"A week is loads to chat with someone , if they haven't mentioned a meet or a social in a week ..good night shirt ...they have no intention of ever meeting and are just stringing you along ."

That may be your experience but it's definitely not mine. As I said above I don't meet anyone unless we have chatted for quite a while and it has never once failed.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *.L.0460.Woman
over a year ago

Bognor Regis


"How much do you get messed about on fab?

Someone saying they'll set a date? But they don't.

Someone saying they are free and then they're not.

They aren't free for weeks.

You give them a date and they don't reply.

You agree to a social but they don't message to arrange it.

You get the idea?

"

It happens alot- I chat to some lovely sounding men, ones I've Bern in touch with for a very long time (2 or 2 + years).. who keep asking when are we going to meet? But when I come up with some dates, they never confirm

I very rarely meet nowadays, partly because of this

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was messed about the other day. Was speaking to a woman and booked a hotel that she requested. But when it came to the day she stopped answering my phone calls and ignored my texts for no reason and made me lose my hotel booking too

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *r_PinkMan
over a year ago

london stratford

I get messed about more then actually get meets.

But thats just the way it is.

I just brush it off and hope the next time will not.

such is life,

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *ittlebirdWoman
over a year ago

The Big Smoke

I have been messed about a couple of times but I think it does come down to communication and it being totally clear OP.

Not being able to meet for weeks or months isn’t being messed about though.. as long as it’s clear from the start. Life gets in the way for everyone sometimes

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Never happened to us.

To be fair we been to one social on rock n roll night and right before Xmas. Everyone were chatting away.

We always mention before anything happens we have a family and it takes a few good weeks to arrange something. Or the mood wise it’s up and down for few weeks.

In the end it’s all about communication..

Alice

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not often. Because I don’t arrange things often.

But it’s happened. I just make sure it’s not my only plan now.

And I don’t mean another person being a plan B. I’m just making sure, if they cancel, can I still do something in that day - ie, a day out/shopping/diy etc. then I’m. It to beat up about it.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Sorry to answer twice, but having re-read the original post,I think it conflates two slightly different things. Not being free for weeks would be common with me, and I'd imagine other full-time working, single parent people here. Having to change plans because of a sick child or frail parent, rail strikes, etc, too.

It should be made clear on the profile if people are likely to find meeting tricky, of course. But people can be 'genuine' AND not able to meet easily. That is different, I think, from people who get cold feet, can't be bothered to communicate, etc. Though, perhaps I'm doing special pleading...I do see that from the other end, both are equally frustrating."

And isn't that point. That of people make it clear from the offset then that's fine. But when they don't and then tell you after a social its not so great is it?

And it's all well and good people having lives but so does the other person.

In my case I have a limited amount of freedom. So to give someone a date and then they don't reply isn't exactly considering my circumstances either.

What do you do? Hang on until the day before before making other plans or hang in limbo on their account?

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Not often. Because I don’t arrange things often.

But it’s happened. I just make sure it’s not my only plan now.

And I don’t mean another person being a plan B. I’m just making sure, if they cancel, can I still do something in that day - ie, a day out/shopping/diy etc. then I’m. It to beat up about it. "

And I can do this. But it still does leave a negative effect doesn't it? Even only a slight one.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Not often. Because I don’t arrange things often.

But it’s happened. I just make sure it’s not my only plan now.

And I don’t mean another person being a plan B. I’m just making sure, if they cancel, can I still do something in that day - ie, a day out/shopping/diy etc. then I’m. It to beat up about it.

And I can do this. But it still does leave a negative effect doesn't it? Even only a slight one. "

It leaves a negative mark on them!!! I’m weary to ever rely I’m on them again. Which is sad, when I still think they are really nice.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *eiaorganaWoman
over a year ago

Dundee


"How much do you get messed about on fab?

Someone saying they'll set a date? But they don't.

Someone saying they are free and then they're not.

They aren't free for weeks.

You give them a date and they don't reply.

You agree to a social but they don't message to arrange it.

You get the idea?

"

From single guys quite a bit.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *isge BeathaWoman
over a year ago

Here, There and Everywhere


"How much do you get messed about on fab?

Someone saying they'll set a date? But they don't.

Someone saying they are free and then they're not.

They aren't free for weeks.

You give them a date and they don't reply.

You agree to a social but they don't message to arrange it.

You get the idea?

"

I've been ghosted far too many times so I've given up trying to meet and arrange a social, so now only meet at club nights. My time is precious and I won't have it wasted by fantasists who have no intention of meeting.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"How much do you get messed about on fab?

Someone saying they'll set a date? But they don't.

Someone saying they are free and then they're not.

They aren't free for weeks.

You give them a date and they don't reply.

You agree to a social but they don't message to arrange it.

You get the idea?

"

All of the above, multiple times.

Having a meet arranged, then blanked even though they’ve seen messages from me - then come back a month or so later and try to gaslight me that I was in the wrong, or feign amnesia.

Getting fobbed off time after time by the same person, but they happily meet others whilst giving excuses.

I gave up checking in as it was useless, now I just stick to ‘if they wanted to, they would’

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *estarossa.Woman
over a year ago

Flagrante


"How much do you get messed about on fab?

Someone saying they'll set a date? But they don't.

Someone saying they are free and then they're not.

They aren't free for weeks.

You give them a date and they don't reply.

You agree to a social but they don't message to arrange it.

You get the idea?

All of the above, multiple times.

Having a meet arranged, then blanked even though they’ve seen messages from me - then come back a month or so later and try to gaslight me that I was in the wrong, or feign amnesia.

Getting fobbed off time after time by the same person, but they happily meet others whilst giving excuses.

I gave up checking in as it was useless, now I just stick to ‘if they wanted to, they would’ "

Nods in agreement*

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *eiaorganaWoman
over a year ago

Dundee


"How much do you get messed about on fab?

Someone saying they'll set a date? But they don't.

Someone saying they are free and then they're not.

They aren't free for weeks.

You give them a date and they don't reply.

You agree to a social but they don't message to arrange it.

You get the idea?

All of the above, multiple times.

Having a meet arranged, then blanked even though they’ve seen messages from me - then come back a month or so later and try to gaslight me that I was in the wrong, or feign amnesia.

Getting fobbed off time after time by the same person, but they happily meet others whilst giving excuses.

I gave up checking in as it was useless, now I just stick to ‘if they wanted to, they would’ "

Most of the time, depending on the reason for cancellation, I will give them a second chance. If they cancel that, that's me out for good. Either I write in the notes or outright block.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *ruceyyMan
over a year ago

London

Same as wonko. Never been an issue on account of only having met a few who lived within 35 mins door to door

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *hrek101Man
over a year ago

Herts


"How much do you get messed about on fab?

Someone saying they'll set a date? But they don't.

Someone saying they are free and then they're not.

They aren't free for weeks.

You give them a date and they don't reply.

You agree to a social but they don't message to arrange it.

You get the idea?

"

Sorry you have been messed about but the man that can do that to some one like you must be an absolute god or an absolute fool.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *oxy jWoman
over a year ago

somerset

nope i cant remember the last time i was messed around im clear and to the point any signs of sillyness gets shutdown str8 away and blocked i dont allow others to mess me around and i dont mess people around either open honest blunt to the point

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Im not sure guys would be a no show to date they organised and then ghost afterwards doesn't make sense

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *eiaorganaWoman
over a year ago

Dundee


"It took me a long time to switch to clubs only but this is the main reason I did. Countless times being messed around, having my time wasted and not being treated like a human being. I get it, life gets in the way sometimes and fab world isn't the real world but god this shit is exhausting.

I used to be understanding, forgiving and give people more chances than quite frankly they deserved. Now I'm a bit more cut throat, so if I get a sniff of being treated like a mug I just cut it dead. I don't want to be like that but it's got to a point where I struggle to care when it's clear they don't."

I feel exactly the same, but Shogun thinks I'm being too harsh. He doesn't understand how exhausting it is to constantly wade through all the shit.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *entlemanFoxMan
over a year ago

North East / London

Generally, I am pretty easy going.

I don't get bent out of shape if people change their mind. I am here to make friends. Life sometimes gets in the way.

What is irritating is a lack of communication. I usually check in a few days before a social/meet. If you get no response or a slow response, that is an indicator that all is not well.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *oyahandrussCouple
over a year ago

Nr Rugby

Well we have been on here 14 years & it has definitely changed in the last 5 years & it's seems more don't seem genuine and are playing at this more let downs definitely.And now almost no replies when you put a meeting advert up.

It is really ashame as in the beginning on here we actually had lots of meet ups and made some lovely friendship.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *he love catsCouple
over a year ago

South Wales

Not at all so far so good, we always get to know people pretty well before meets and I think that makes a difference, though we don't have much free time as a couple when we do we try and make it count, if people start talking to us and expect to meet us within a few days they are going to be disappointed I'm afraid.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

Occasionally but not much maybe 2-3 people a year and I just let it fizzle I don’t chase. There’s usually a bit of urgency once we both want to meet and it’s usually me that struggles to find a date

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Weekly but hey ho, for everyone that messes you about there’s another that doesn’t so all’s rosey in the garden

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Im not sure guys would be a no show to date they organised and then ghost afterwards doesn't make sense "

It happens, more than once

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago

Calderdale innit

I rarely look to meet now so it's not really an issue.

Years ago when I was more active ,I found a bit of a mix.Some weren't prepared to wait and get to know me .Some would say a date then not come back online or ignore messages.

Others didn't want to do a social only ,even though I'd made it clear that would be all a first meet would be.

I used to chat to one bloke who could do the chat & always claimed to want to meet,but then he'd leave fab regularly and not say anything.i stopped responding t him.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset


"We aren't free for months let alone weeks. We make that clear very early on though.

I do wonder how this thread would be received if a guy posted it. Not as much sympathy I'd wager.

J"

That may be true, but generally when guys seem to get 'stood up' it's often because they've let the horn cloud their judgement and they've let themselves be duped by someone who never had any intention of meeting in the first place. That's a different issue to people being let down and ghosted after initial conversations have moved off fab, calls have been made and dates set, which seems to be more of an issue for women and couples.

You just have to read the frequent forum posts to spot the different issues the two groups seem to face and the background behind them.

We rarely have issues because like many couples we just have fuck all time to meet. So we rely on occasional club visits and if/when we do make plans with someone it'll be after long periods of chat, so we out those looking for a quick fix or a spontaneous meet where they may put little value on actually meeting us.

The last social we had last week we'd been chatting to them for months and still made that all important phone call last minute to check nothing had cropped up to change plans.

But as a couple we don't need to meet others to facilitate sex. So we'll never get stressed out if plans fall down, a meet gets cancelled or a social gets postponed. We don't put ourselves in a position where we've lost anything, be that time or money, or where we'll be inconvenienced by a late cancellation. This is just an add on to our lives. Not an essential or critical part of it.

A

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We get messed around loads. One cancelled last minute today (turns out he is married). One changed plans 3 times before we binned him (turns out he lived with his mum). Another would not meet for a quick social first yesterday (turns out he is married).

Unfortunately this is what drove us away last time and nothing changes. There is a very high percentage of married guys here.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *ulieAndBeefCouple
over a year ago

Manchester-ish


"That may be true, but generally when guys seem to get 'stood up' it's often because they've let the horn cloud their judgement and they've let themselves be duped by someone who never had any intention of meeting in the first place. That's a different issue to people being let down and ghosted after initial conversations have moved off fab, calls have been made and dates set, which seems to be more of an issue for women and couples.

A"

Good points.

J

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"We get messed around loads. One cancelled last minute today (turns out he is married). One changed plans 3 times before we binned him (turns out he lived with his mum). Another would not meet for a quick social first yesterday (turns out he is married).

Unfortunately this is what drove us away last time and nothing changes. There is a very high percentage of married guys here."

This!!!

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *cunnylassCouple
over a year ago

Exeter

We don't allow people to mess us about.We have a way of doing things and don't budge from it.It serves us well!

M and M

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"How much do you get messed about on fab?

Someone saying they'll set a date? But they don't.

Someone saying they are free and then they're not.

They aren't free for weeks.

You give them a date and they don't reply.

You agree to a social but they don't message to arrange it.

You get the idea?

Sorry you have been messed about but the man that can do that to some one like you must be an absolute god or an absolute fool."

Men not man. It's a lot more than 1.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *penbicoupleCouple
over a year ago

Northampton


"Im not sure guys would be a no show to date they organised and then ghost afterwards doesn't make sense "

Are you serious?! It happens a lot.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *hrek101Man
over a year ago

Herts


"How much do you get messed about on fab?

Someone saying they'll set a date? But they don't.

Someone saying they are free and then they're not.

They aren't free for weeks.

You give them a date and they don't reply.

You agree to a social but they don't message to arrange it.

You get the idea?

Sorry you have been messed about but the man that can do that to some one like you must be an absolute god or an absolute fool.

Men not man. It's a lot more than 1."

Jesus plural, must all be Elite Shaggers I assume then if they can turn you down. Unbelievable

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *ife NinjaMan
over a year ago

Dunfermline


"Im not sure guys would be a no show to date they organised and then ghost afterwards doesn't make sense

Are you serious?! It happens a lot."

Just gives the rest of us a bad rap.

Definitely happens. Lots of fantasists on the ladies side too

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *aucasian GhandiMan
over a year ago

from my dad's left nut (Warwick)


"How much do you get messed about on fab?

Someone saying they'll set a date? But they don't.

Someone saying they are free and then they're not.

They aren't free for weeks.

You give them a date and they don't reply.

You agree to a social but they don't message to arrange it.

You get the idea?

"

I've never been messed about had anyone cancel or not turn up

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *eroLondonMan
over a year ago

Mayfair

I rarely get messed about on Fab when it comes to meeting. I'm a 'slow burn' and therefore exercise sufficient due diligence with the person I've been chatting to on here. I only move over to other more 'favourable' messaging platforms when I'm ready, which helps in establishing trust and empathy which in turn mitigates any possible 'let downs'.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *ingdangTV/TS
over a year ago

manchester

when they say they are not free on weekend, what they really say is that they are not interested. If someone really interested and not free on a day, he will suggest a day for you.

There are lots of time wasters and keyboard wankers on this site. Don't have your hope high. around 70% of the arrange meet will not happen. That's my experience any way.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"How much do you get messed about on fab?

Someone saying they'll set a date? But they don't.

Someone saying they are free and then they're not.

They aren't free for weeks.

You give them a date and they don't reply.

You agree to a social but they don't message to arrange it.

You get the idea?

"

I'd say, rough fab-maths would put it at 20% maybe?

When it switches to phones or texts, sometimes it fizzles, I don't think that's being messed about but the nature of the beast.

If it's there, it flows easy. If it requires any real effort, it's probably a dud.

However tbh, my system is pretty simple, if we can't chat easily on the phone I won't entertain more.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham


"How much do you get messed about on fab?

Someone saying they'll set a date? But they don't.

Someone saying they are free and then they're not.

They aren't free for weeks.

You give them a date and they don't reply.

You agree to a social but they don't message to arrange it.

You get the idea?

Sorry you have been messed about but the man that can do that to some one like you must be an absolute god or an absolute fool.

Men not man. It's a lot more than 1."

I would guess they’re married or scared

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *elaninMaverickWoman
over a year ago

near Putney Heath


"How much do you get messed about on fab?

Someone saying they'll set a date? But they don't.

Someone saying they are free and then they're not.

They aren't free for weeks.

You give them a date and they don't reply.

You agree to a social but they don't message to arrange it.

You get the idea?

"

SOP

Standard Operating Procedure for numerous men on Fab.

This is why I limit my....male harem and go to clubs and socials.

If they trigger me enough, I block them. That's the end of the time they live in my brain rent-free and using my limited mental energy capacity.

I'm not here to be strung along, breadcrumbed and played second fiddle to consistently.

They can get it together or get out and go away.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *elaninMaverickWoman
over a year ago

near Putney Heath


"How much do you get messed about on fab?

Someone saying they'll set a date? But they don't.

Someone saying they are free and then they're not.

They aren't free for weeks.

You give them a date and they don't reply.

You agree to a social but they don't message to arrange it.

You get the idea?

How on earth does someone who manages to arrange a meet with you then go on to mess you about?!? "

Unfortunately, it's very common among single men. I want to say it's a London thing but...I know it's not.

Men in couples seem to have a better management of their limited play time, balanced with their other responsibilities and their commitment to their primary partner.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

When it happens, I've usually been part of the situation, typically being tired and busy whilst not really investing enough of my attention, or being lax in enforcing my usual rules. This isn't pointing a finger at you OP as I do think that there's a more widespread lack of real commitment around today. We can't change that but can be more open to the potential for wasters to be around.

Some meet at clubs, so that they have potential fallback options. It's unpleasant when free time is scarce and we've looked forward to enjoying ourselves. Hope things look up OP

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *elaninMaverickWoman
over a year ago

near Putney Heath


"Not as much these days, as we give less opportunity for it. That may mean we miss out on real meets, but the first sign of anything dodgy and we pull the plug.

Thankfully, fab isn't our only outlet, so it's not a big issue."

Yeah if they trigger me, I'm out. Not worth messing with my mental health....which always takes priority over everything and everyone regardless of my wants and desires and needs.

I will unfriend people if they don't interact with me for a long time too.

Zero Maverick Fucks given.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *riar BelisseWoman
over a year ago

Bliss


"There’s someone who I recently spent weeks texting (which is unusual for me). Then when it came time to meet they said they just wanted to enjoy the fantasy.

"

This... so many only want to do the chase and waste time of people who actively meet

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *elaninMaverickWoman
over a year ago

near Putney Heath


"How much do you get messed about on fab?

Someone saying they'll set a date? But they don't.

Someone saying they are free and then they're not.

They aren't free for weeks.

You give them a date and they don't reply.

You agree to a social but they don't message to arrange it.

You get the idea?

How on earth does someone who manages to arrange a meet with you then go on to mess you about?!?

Not turning up, saying they now can't make the date, not confirming final details... There's more. "

If they don't turn up- Blocked.

If they say they can't make the date without making it up to me- no second chance.

Not confirming final details- no second chance.

My Timewaster bin is full of single men.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *isfits behaving badlyCouple
over a year ago

Coventry

Not a lot. We very rarely do the arranging things on fab thing. Not only because online entities tend to be rather unreliable. But also because our personal life is so hectic making us very hard to nail down to a time and date. So not only are there timewasters out there, life just generally throws clangers for everyone.

For us we generally just stick to clubs. It prevents messing around and we don't have to sync our schedule to someone else's. Generally the people we meet outside of clubs have all been people we've met in the real world first rather than met online first. When it's people you know in person they tend to be more reliable and more inclined to make the extra effort to be with you even when life throws obstacles.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *eliWoman
over a year ago

.


"How much do you get messed about on fab?

Someone saying they'll set a date? But they don't.

Someone saying they are free and then they're not.

They aren't free for weeks.

You give them a date and they don't reply.

You agree to a social but they don't message to arrange it.

You get the idea?

SOP

Standard Operating Procedure for numerous men on Fab.

This is why I limit my....male harem and go to clubs and socials.

If they trigger me enough, I block them. That's the end of the time they live in my brain rent-free and using my limited mental energy capacity.

I'm not here to be strung along, breadcrumbed and played second fiddle to consistently.

They can get it together or get out and go away. "

When I first read this I thought gosh, that's a bit harsh. But on second reading - yeah that's fair.

My friends gently chide me when I make someone a priority in my life, in my social calendar when I'm not one of theirs. Breadcrumbing is wank - recognising it's happened can be easier said than done though.

It's hot girl summer season now, I might remember your take on this to see me through.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *ellanbennyCouple
over a year ago

cambs

So much messing around on fab. To be expected I guess.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *elaninMaverickWoman
over a year ago

near Putney Heath


"I think I take fab abs any other space where I’m meeting people as ‘I’m one of many people that they’re talking to’ and so I usually take it as they get better offers, they have better connections with someone else etc. I tend not to mind if we haven’t met before- charge it to the game.

But yeah It happens a fair amount to answer the OP. "

See my sense of value and integrity won't allow me to do that or tolerate it. If I say I'm going to do something, I try my hardest to do it, even if I supposedly get " a better offer". Unlike a lot of people, I don't feel the need to grab every opportunity and I have zero Fear of missing out.

I value stability and certainty over unpredictability, risky adrenaline-fueled excitement. Especially when it comes to other people's feelings.

Since I operate this way, I expect the same and that's a hard boundary.

If others want to live a wild life that's their prerogative but I do not want to or cannot mentally afford to live in such an unstructured way. People are not disposable to me and I am not disposable either.

Instability and uncertainty are incompatible with my recovery and relapse prevention journey.

Zero Maverick Tolerance for it.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *uriousscouserWoman
over a year ago

Wirral

When I first joined I was messed around a LOT. Lots of no-shows, lots of ghosting as the day we'd agreed to meet approached, lots of dithering when I tried to firm up day/time/place to meet.

It's not such an issue any more as I meet far less from this site and only meet people I've chatted to a good while.

I did get cancelled last week when I was actually on a train en route to my first "first social" in months, but I suspected it would happen (sometimes you just know how things will play out!) so I took myself out on a date, had a glorious time and all ended well.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *elaninMaverickWoman
over a year ago

near Putney Heath


"Im normally the messer not the messee im not into following thru with anything these days"

Yup Our interaction would be wholly incompatible and borderline toxic and fatal.

Best we not interact then.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *elaninMaverickWoman
over a year ago

near Putney Heath


"How much do you get messed about on fab?

Someone saying they'll set a date? But they don't.

Someone saying they are free and then they're not.

They aren't free for weeks.

You give them a date and they don't reply.

You agree to a social but they don't message to arrange it.

You get the idea?

How on earth does someone who manages to arrange a meet with you then go on to mess you about?!?

Not turning up, saying they now can't make the date, not confirming final details... There's more.

I think that should have been a why rather than how. If it was me, even if something got it the way, I would rearrange. I guess some aren't serious to start with "

Many never re-arrange or re-schedule or "make it up to you"

Therefore I take that as a permanent cancellation and not a postponement.

Hard boundaries are necessary in my Maverick Life.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"How much do you get messed about on fab?

Someone saying they'll set a date? But they don't.

Someone saying they are free and then they're not.

They aren't free for weeks.

You give them a date and they don't reply.

You agree to a social but they don't message to arrange it.

You get the idea?

Luckily, I don't get messed about. It only happened once. I have quite a good judgement of people and read in between the lines. If the conversation is going kinda stale and leads nowhere, there's no passion and I smell some bull. I know he will mess me about. Once we set for a date and place, I expect him to come and they always come. My vetting system works down to a t.

"

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *elaninMaverickWoman
over a year ago

near Putney Heath


"It took me a long time to switch to clubs only but this is the main reason I did. Countless times being messed around, having my time wasted and not being treated like a human being. I get it, life gets in the way sometimes and fab world isn't the real world but god this shit is exhausting.

I used to be understanding, forgiving and give people more chances than quite frankly they deserved. Now I'm a bit more cut throat, so if I get a sniff of being treated like a mug I just cut it dead. I don't want to be like that but it's got to a point where I struggle to care when it's clear they don't."

Facts. I do not have the mental energy or capacity to be spinning my wheels online.

If they are not considerate of me, then I'm not considerate of them.

Yeah being mentally unwell has made me more cutthroat. Simple question: Is this person's words and actions triggering my mental instability ( insecurity, paranoia, confusion, abandonment feelings, invalidation, co-dependency, neediness, lack of trust) If yes, I need to cut them out.

I have met swingers/men who have made me feel safe, secure, stable and sane. I don't see why I should settle for less especially as "less" makes me end up in hospital..... No thanks.

I am not the one or the two. I like my pussy being fucked not my mind.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *elaninMaverickWoman
over a year ago

near Putney Heath


"How much do you get messed about on fab?

Someone saying they'll set a date? But they don't.

Someone saying they are free and then they're not.

They aren't free for weeks.

You give them a date and they don't reply.

You agree to a social but they don't message to arrange it.

You get the idea?

You have a very broad definition of being messed about.

But does it happen? And to a certain extent its the price of admission. "

Not a broad definition for me. Maybe for single men but not for single women and I don't see couples doing this.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *elaninMaverickWoman
over a year ago

near Putney Heath


"I used to be understanding, forgiving and give people more chances than quite frankly they deserved. Now I'm a bit more cut throat, so if I get a sniff of being treated like a mug I just cut it dead. I don't want to be like that but it's got to a point where I struggle to care when it's clear they don't.

Exactly this!

Alice is FAR more gracious than I, but ironically it's my unwillingness to see her messed about that means I accept less crap these days."

As a couple, you should be! Your committed relationship/life partnership takes priority as far as I'm concerned and any men I play with I always make it clear that I expect them to look after their primary partner first!

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *eyond PurityCouple
over a year ago

Lincolnshire

We don’t really get messed around - we might chat and then the conversation dies but I wouldn’t say that’s being messed around - that’s just seeing if there’s compatibility.

We are here to meet people - not all will turn out to be play partners but we don’t chat and chat. We’ll chat, see if there’s compatibility and then we’ll meet if so.

K

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 05/06/23 19:57:54]

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not very often; but it's mainly because I'm super picky with who I meet. I like to chat first for a few days and build up some chemistry, if they seem flakey in messages I won't entertain it.. waste of time for both of us.x

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *elaninMaverickWoman
over a year ago

near Putney Heath


"Not often luckily, conversation sometimes dies either for a bit or completely but that's just the way it is here "

I'm more of an offline doer than an online chatter.

Sometimes that's an incompatibility but I'm not expecting to be everyone's cup of tea or that everyone will be my cup of tea..at all times...forever...

I've got big enough girl pants to admit that something isn't working or isn't going to work anymore....rather than ghosting breadcrumbing....and stringing along.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *mf123Man
over a year ago

with one foot out the door


"Im normally the messer not the messee im not into following thru with anything these days

Yup Our interaction would be wholly incompatible and borderline toxic and fatal.

Best we not interact then. "
im not the arsnic man

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"How much do you get messed about on fab?

Someone saying they'll set a date? But they don't.

Someone saying they are free and then they're not.

They aren't free for weeks.

You give them a date and they don't reply.

You agree to a social but they don't message to arrange it.

You get the idea?

"

This happens all the time and its so frustrating. Seems people enjoy messaging but not meeting for real. Strange that people are on a swinging website but prefer cyberswinging

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *elix SightedMan
over a year ago

Cloud 8


"How much do you get messed about on fab?

Someone saying they'll set a date? But they don't.

Someone saying they are free and then they're not.

They aren't free for weeks.

You give them a date and they don't reply.

You agree to a social but they don't message to arrange it.

You get the idea?

Sorry you have been messed about but the man that can do that to some one like you must be an absolute god or an absolute fool."

Not sure I understand what’s God-like about messing someone around? Git-like, definitely.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *elaninMaverickWoman
over a year ago

near Putney Heath


"I don't meet often at all, but I've been very lucky. Partly, I think, because of how busy I am, and partly because I like to become friends first, I'm in touch pretty much daily, so there are no surprises. Things change, life happens, but I've never yet been left stranded.

I imagine the odds would go up for people who prefer a quicker pathway from message to meeting."

See I don't class Fabbers as friends. I have a very tight definition of friends...maybe because "so-called friends" haven't been there when I've needed them most. My brain is high maintenance which most people can't deal with. Which is fair enough but I have to sort my mental first which leaves limited time for...."pretend friends"

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *elaninMaverickWoman
over a year ago

near Putney Heath


"I've never experienced that before on Fab. I wouldn't say it's down to luck or anything, I think, sometimes, for my sins, I'm that person because it can be hard for me to know my partner's rota months in advance etc.

I did have a recent experience of it, away from Fab. And while I still care about the person, I've made it very clear that I'm not going to be messed around again. It's not a good feeling and it's unfair on both parties.

I think that if someone wants to make the effort they will. And trying to make sure the level of investment is equal is important."

I'm not making sure anyone's level of investment anything. The thought that I have to make sure another adult does something gives me the cringe.

They either do or they don't. If they don't, I'm off to find other people who will or invest in myself.

I have limited spoons.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *elaninMaverickWoman
over a year ago

near Putney Heath


"I don't think we've ever been messed about (yet)!

Nor, would we mess anyone about, we're quite direct that way "

You are lucky. it happens regularly with me and I have to just stop talking to several men.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *elaninMaverickWoman
over a year ago

near Putney Heath


"I don’t put myself in the position to be messed about so no it’s not an issue for me "

I don't think it's a case of putting myself in the situation....I unfortunately get messed about a lot..not just on fab but at work,family, friends, doctors, DWP etc....I must have doormat stamped on my head....until I lay down the law and then people get upset because they don't think I will stick up for myself in such a brutal way.

good thing I studied law....that really winds them up when I start using legal terms. Lol!

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *elaninMaverickWoman
over a year ago

near Putney Heath


"Not as much as perhaps I used to.

With time and experience you get to see the signs.

As soon as I think that someone is messing me about, that's it for me. I'm done.

I have such precious little time to enjoy myself, I don't appreciate having it wasted"

Same. Limited enjoyment time here. I'm either working, sleeping or doing my recovery and relapse prevention programme. Fab is a small portion of my life.

It's also why I'm single. I don't have the capacity for a full-blown committed life partnership without that partner becoming a part-time/full-time carer. Single Men aren't exactly known for their consideration, high-level communication, nurturing and nursing skills. Lol!

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *elaninMaverickWoman
over a year ago

near Putney Heath


"Sorry to answer twice, but having re-read the original post,I think it conflates two slightly different things. Not being free for weeks would be common with me, and I'd imagine other full-time working, single parent people here. Having to change plans because of a sick child or frail parent, rail strikes, etc, too.

It should be made clear on the profile if people are likely to find meeting tricky, of course. But people can be 'genuine' AND not able to meet easily. That is different, I think, from people who get cold feet, can't be bothered to communicate, etc. Though, perhaps I'm doing special pleading...I do see that from the other end, both are equally frustrating."

If people are not free for weeks at a time, that's ok with me but then don't expect me to invest any time for weeks either. I'm off to find someone who lives closer and is more available and focus on them....not on the unavailable person. Or I'll go to a club and meet available people there...perks of London I guess...I can always find available people offline.

That's just me. I like ( need?) regular structure..anything consistently haphazard and disconnected my brain has a hard time coping with...if I haven't seen you in weeks..my brain might even forget what you look like and what you like in bed...so there's that. Out of sight out of mind works too well with my brain....

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *elaninMaverickWoman
over a year ago

near Putney Heath


"Lucky you got a date…. I chat with women on here to arrange something and get ghosted "

Sorry to hear that...are there even any clubs where you live....I suppose if you got a nudist beach bar that might be fun instead.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *elaninMaverickWoman
over a year ago

near Putney Heath


"We aren't free for months let alone weeks. We make that clear very early on though.

I do wonder how this thread would be received if a guy posted it. Not as much sympathy I'd wager.

J"

Communication is the key.

If you are not available regularly say so....male, female....whatever.

Some of us...(me) would like to see people at least once a month....if it's going on 12 weeks of not seeing a person then that person is no longer in the forefront of my mind and I'm no longer invested and I've gone off to invest my limited mental capacity in other things and other people.

If you are going away say so. Postpone, reschedule, and re-arrange instead of cancellation with no follow-up.

It's "the leaving people hanging" vaguely which is infuriating and leads to people like me giving people zero chances anymore to fuck up. One and done.

If someone treats me as disposable then, I will stay disposed... permanently.

People will cancel for weeks and then get mad when you turn around and say that you are not available because you are now focused on other people and other things. Like some of us can just wait around for someone to be available.

I can't wait around....I'm too old for that....seen too many people waiting around being unfulfilled until death catches them. Not for me. It's do or die.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *elaninMaverickWoman
over a year ago

near Putney Heath


"I haven’t really been messed around too much in the five years I’ve been on fab. When I look back, it’s easy to see which profiles were going to mess me around and I allowed poor judgement (bellend brain) to lead my decision making.

It hasn’t happened in a long time, but that is largely because I haven’t met anyone in a long time.

I’ll certainly tread carefully next time, but my approach is now to meet friends as opposed to chance encounters."

Lol@ bellend brain.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *elaninMaverickWoman
over a year ago

near Putney Heath


"Just got ghosted after a social that I thought went well. No idea why as he seemed really keen and there was a lot of chemistry. Ahh well. I have much better offers in the pipeline so onwards and upwards.

But people shouldn't fake enthusiasm it just leads to confusion. "

I reserve judgment until the end of my three-stage process. Lol! I need to see how people behave in a social, in a group ( club) and alone naked with me. I've seen all come a cropper at every stage. Lol!

They may have been enthusiastic in the beginning and then the little devil on their shoulder, friends, colleagues, and family talk them out of it.

Since we can't control people, we have to try to control our levels of confusion. I avoid confusion by reserving judgment until the end of the 3 stage process. Lol!

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *elaninMaverickWoman
over a year ago

near Putney Heath


"How much do you get messed about on fab?

Someone saying they'll set a date? But they don't.

Someone saying they are free and then they're not.

They aren't free for weeks.

You give them a date and they don't reply.

You agree to a social but they don't message to arrange it.

You get the idea?

How on earth does someone who manages to arrange a meet with you then go on to mess you about?!?

Because single men do it constantly. Then complain in the forums. "

Glad you said it instead of me a cis-hetero woman.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *elaninMaverickWoman
over a year ago

near Putney Heath


"Sorry to answer twice, but having re-read the original post,I think it conflates two slightly different things. Not being free for weeks would be common with me, and I'd imagine other full-time working, single parent people here. Having to change plans because of a sick child or frail parent, rail strikes, etc, too.

It should be made clear on the profile if people are likely to find meeting tricky, of course. But people can be 'genuine' AND not able to meet easily. That is different, I think, from people who get cold feet, can't be bothered to communicate, etc. Though, perhaps I'm doing special pleading...I do see that from the other end, both are equally frustrating.

This is a good point! I was going to mention in my post about someone whose car broke down at the start of a long journey. We’d never met but we’re friends and I trusted her implicitly. That wasn’t her fault and I know we’ll meet when she can.

With the genuine folks, life can easily happen. "

Scratches head at "friends who I trust but I've never met in real life."

Nah...triggered, vom, cringe and anathema activated.

It could never be me. Good for you though if you like it.

Another reason why I fab those within a 5 mile radius (ok not strictly true)....I can get on the e-bike if all else fails.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *elaninMaverickWoman
over a year ago

near Putney Heath


"I'm not invested enough here to have anyone mess me about.

I only ever meet initially for a social and that's usually after weeks of chat so I can see any hints of messing coming a mile off which is why I've never had a no show in six years.

Messing in regard to arranging a meet is more often than not down to the reality of life and more important priorities.

I've never had to cancel a meet but always arrange it for when it suits both parties even if that is a long way down the line.

I could easily be unavailable for weeks due to lack of free time and work commitments. "

Cringe at weeks of chat...not for me. My psyche cannot take it. You are not a real person in my neurodivergent brain unless I see you regularly. This happens with everything, unfortunately...even my overseas trips...if I haven't been back regularly it all feels like a dream or part of my imagination.

I don't that weeks of non-meeting either well...out of sight out of mind.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *elaninMaverickWoman
over a year ago

near Putney Heath


"How much do you get messed about on fab?

Someone saying they'll set a date? But they don't.

Someone saying they are free and then they're not.

They aren't free for weeks.

You give them a date and they don't reply.

You agree to a social but they don't message to arrange it.

You get the idea?

Tell me about it ...took time off work to drive to a destination because it suited her ..no show .. not a word to say different ..so there ya go..it's ok for people to do that to others ??? F**k that ..it's a total lack of everything ..not every shoe fits , we all know that but this place is full of Timewasters and the sad thing is , l've said it before, you have to go through that until you realise a person is a Timewaster..cause you don't know until it's too late..sad but that's the way . "

I actually refuse to meet men who are coming to London just to meet me. I think that's wholly unfair. If they are in London for work, that's totally ok.

I understand that some people are ok with travelling a long distance for sex but I'm not and I'm not comfortable with other people doing this for me.

Of course, I live in a city with 5 million men...you have less choice if you live in the middle of nowhere...I even hate driving in London and I discovered I get Uber-car sick...(yeah...not)So I take public transport or cycle or have a meet pick me up.

Just to be clear a woman doing this to a man is just as unacceptable.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *elaninMaverickWoman
over a year ago

near Putney Heath


"How much do you get messed about on fab?

Someone saying they'll set a date? But they don't.

Someone saying they are free and then they're not.

They aren't free for weeks.

You give them a date and they don't reply.

You agree to a social but they don't message to arrange it.

You get the idea?

It happens alot- I chat to some lovely sounding men, ones I've Bern in touch with for a very long time (2 or 2 + years).. who keep asking when are we going to meet? But when I come up with some dates, they never confirm

I very rarely meet nowadays, partly because of this"

They keep asking but they never confirm anything concrete....I'm just imagining it's all part of their online fantasy but they bottle real-life meets. ...Men and women...

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *elaninMaverickWoman
over a year ago

near Putney Heath


"How much do you get messed about on fab?

Someone saying they'll set a date? But they don't.

Someone saying they are free and then they're not.

They aren't free for weeks.

You give them a date and they don't reply.

You agree to a social but they don't message to arrange it.

You get the idea?

To be honest I haven’t really got to that stage yet, it’s more chatting seeing if there is chemistry.

The ones I have, it’s the same old distance and being able to work out some time on both parties. "

being Neurodivergent, Chemistry does not work for me through a screen only in real life...naked. Lol!

I don't approach people who live far away. there is something to be said for popping around for a late-night shag after work...or an early-morning shag before work... London Dream. Lol!

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *elaninMaverickWoman
over a year ago

near Putney Heath


"Not been an issue for me, though I have been late for two appointments, once the lady waited which was very generous (but she was in a patiserie) and the second one was aware that I was running late, but because it was cold and she was outside she let me know she would not wait."

Yeah I don't meet people outside for this reason...I'm often late because I still misjudge London transport/traffic issues.... But I do update people where I am and where I'm stuck.

I know people might think I'm not coming due to that but I can't control the transport or the traffic and I also leave a lot of time when I'm meeting someone more than 30 minutes away...so my meets social or otherwise are allocated 4-5 hours.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *den-Valley-coupleCouple
over a year ago

Cumbria

Cut the bullshit clubs only

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *elaninMaverickWoman
over a year ago

near Putney Heath


"There’s someone who I recently spent weeks texting (which is unusual for me). Then when it came time to meet they said they just wanted to enjoy the fantasy.

I ended that one there and then.

I get why people do it, but it would better if they said up front that they’re just having a wank. "

I can't do it. It's a hard boundary no texting/chatting online for weeks....they get a fantasy wank but what do I get?...ewww....I mean there are cams for that...

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *elaninMaverickWoman
over a year ago

near Putney Heath


"I was messed about the other day. Was speaking to a woman and booked a hotel that she requested. But when it came to the day she stopped answering my phone calls and ignored my texts for no reason and made me lose my hotel booking too"

See my 3 step process. I don't go straight to hotel. I go social and club first where either of us can walk away without too much investment...(financial or otherwise)

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *elaninMaverickWoman
over a year ago

near Putney Heath


"Not often. Because I don’t arrange things often.

But it’s happened. I just make sure it’s not my only plan now.

And I don’t mean another person being a plan B. I’m just making sure, if they cancel, can I still do something in that day - ie, a day out/shopping/diy etc. then I’m. It to beat up about it. "

I have another plan too...Going to a club mean...I can chill and chat to others and/or play with someone else.

This actually happened to me when someone late canceled meeting me at a club. I went in anyway to chill out and chat and ended up playing with people there who I just met and who asked for a play.

Then a club regular gave me a lift home.

So I wasn't too upset.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *elaninMaverickWoman
over a year ago

near Putney Heath


"Im not sure guys would be a no show to date they organised and then ghost afterwards doesn't make sense "

Many things on Fab make no sense. 75% are in my inbox. Lol!

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *elaninMaverickWoman
over a year ago

near Putney Heath


"It took me a long time to switch to clubs only but this is the main reason I did. Countless times being messed around, having my time wasted and not being treated like a human being. I get it, life gets in the way sometimes and fab world isn't the real world but god this shit is exhausting.

I used to be understanding, forgiving and give people more chances than quite frankly they deserved. Now I'm a bit more cut throat, so if I get a sniff of being treated like a mug I just cut it dead. I don't want to be like that but it's got to a point where I struggle to care when it's clear they don't.

I feel exactly the same, but Shogun thinks I'm being too harsh. He doesn't understand how exhausting it is to constantly wade through all the shit."

It is mentally exhausting and I have limited mental capacity for swings and roundabouts.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We have been sooooo lucky with the people that we've met. We generally go straight to WhatsApp and cut the chaff out straight away. Our availability is quite sporadic and often at short notice but we have made some fantastic spontaneous friends. I'm sure there are many more though that might consider us "time wasters". Chat has just petered out or the stars just didn't align for us and suddenly a veri will pop in because of a very last minute meeting with someone we already know.

We love meeting new people but the obstacles of our own making and just life itself do not make it easy.

Our single female FWB hosts her own small events that she invites a couple of couples and some single guys to and that way it's never a complete washout - but if it's a single straight guy you are shooting for then you are in the same boat as online dating but with more fantasists

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *.L.0460.Woman
over a year ago

Bognor Regis


"How much do you get messed about on fab?

Someone saying they'll set a date? But they don't.

Someone saying they are free and then they're not.

They aren't free for weeks.

You give them a date and they don't reply.

You agree to a social but they don't message to arrange it.

You get the idea?

It happens alot- I chat to some lovely sounding men, ones I've Bern in touch with for a very long time (2 or 2 + years).. who keep asking when are we going to meet? But when I come up with some dates, they never confirm

I very rarely meet nowadays, partly because of this

They keep asking but they never confirm anything concrete....I'm just imagining it's all part of their online fantasy but they bottle real-life meets. ...Men and women..."

I agree. I think they get off on getting someone to agree to meet!

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *eelGoodIncMan
over a year ago

Mids

I had arranged a meet with a single woman a while ago and she arranged a hotel and everything as she was visiting the area. All I had to do was be a gentleman and turn up and pay for the booking for the night. I got to the hotel and paid up and went up to the room to await her arrival. She text me saying she was on her way over and then that was the last I heard from her. Completely ghosted.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Wow, 140 posts and 33 from one person (and not the OP). Clearly a subject dear to your heart MM.

Luckily I have never been messed around, and definitely some Fabsters are my true friends (in real life not just imaginary cyber friends).

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *oyahandrussCouple
over a year ago

Nr Rugby


"I had arranged a meet with a single woman a while ago and she arranged a hotel and everything as she was visiting the area. All I had to do was be a gentleman and turn up and pay for the booking for the night. I got to the hotel and paid up and went up to the room to await her arrival. She text me saying she was on her way over and then that was the last I heard from her. Completely ghosted."
OMG that's so shit

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *elaninMaverickWoman
over a year ago

near Putney Heath


"We get messed around loads. One cancelled last minute today (turns out he is married). One changed plans 3 times before we binned him (turns out he lived with his mum). Another would not meet for a quick social first yesterday (turns out he is married).

Unfortunately this is what drove us away last time and nothing changes. There is a very high percentage of married guys here."

Nothing wrong with married guys. I meet married guys ( and their wives) all of the time.

It's the not being open, honest and genuine about their situation.

Like I have on my profile, that I won't be meeting people who live far away and I struggle with low libido and I work weekends and I have to look after my mental health. I'm not for everyone but at least they know and can respectfully decline interaction with me.

It's when you have no intention or preparation or consideration of meeting and how it will pan out. They waste people's time and mental energy.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *elaninMaverickWoman
over a year ago

near Putney Heath


"I rarely look to meet now so it's not really an issue.

Years ago when I was more active ,I found a bit of a mix.Some weren't prepared to wait and get to know me .Some would say a date then not come back online or ignore messages.

Others didn't want to do a social only ,even though I'd made it clear that would be all a first meet would be.

I used to chat to one bloke who could do the chat & always claimed to want to meet,but then he'd leave fab regularly and not say anything.i stopped responding t him."

I cannot with the flaking and instability.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *elaninMaverickWoman
over a year ago

near Putney Heath


"How much do you get messed about on fab?

Someone saying they'll set a date? But they don't.

Someone saying they are free and then they're not.

They aren't free for weeks.

You give them a date and they don't reply.

You agree to a social but they don't message to arrange it.

You get the idea?

All of the above, multiple times.

Having a meet arranged, then blanked even though they’ve seen messages from me - then come back a month or so later and try to gaslight me that I was in the wrong, or feign amnesia.

Getting fobbed off time after time by the same person, but they happily meet others whilst giving excuses.

I gave up checking in as it was useless, now I just stick to ‘if they wanted to, they would’

Most of the time, depending on the reason for cancellation, I will give them a second chance. If they cancel that, that's me out for good. Either I write in the notes or outright block."

They get notes and a block in case I happen to meet them in public. lol!

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *elaninMaverickWoman
over a year ago

near Putney Heath


"Im not sure guys would be a no show to date they organised and then ghost afterwards doesn't make sense

Are you serious?! It happens a lot.

Just gives the rest of us a bad rap.

Definitely happens. Lots of fantasists on the ladies side too "

Yup definitely know women like this...not on Fab...undecided and some think they are entitled to make men bend over backwards for them...eww....vom and vapid....not over their ex...etc etc...

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can't get messed about if you can't get meets *points to head*

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *oyahandrussCouple
over a year ago

Nr Rugby


"Can't get messed about if you can't get meets *points to head*"
Seriously you do get meets lol you are hot and have lots of veris.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *elaninMaverickWoman
over a year ago

near Putney Heath


"How much do you get messed about on fab?

Someone saying they'll set a date? But they don't.

Someone saying they are free and then they're not.

They aren't free for weeks.

You give them a date and they don't reply.

You agree to a social but they don't message to arrange it.

You get the idea?

I've never been messed about had anyone cancel or not turn up "

Tell us your secret! lol!

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *elaninMaverickWoman
over a year ago

near Putney Heath


"I rarely get messed about on Fab when it comes to meeting. I'm a 'slow burn' and therefore exercise sufficient due diligence with the person I've been chatting to on here. I only move over to other more 'favourable' messaging platforms when I'm ready, which helps in establishing trust and empathy which in turn mitigates any possible 'let downs'."

Me....A firecracker... Lol!

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *elaninMaverickWoman
over a year ago

near Putney Heath


"when they say they are not free on weekend, what they really say is that they are not interested. If someone really interested and not free on a day, he will suggest a day for you.

There are lots of time wasters and keyboard wankers on this site. Don't have your hope high. around 70% of the arrange meet will not happen. That's my experience any way."

yup. I actually work weekends so they have to make an extra effort to meet during the week...or Friday.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *elaninMaverickWoman
over a year ago

near Putney Heath


"How much do you get messed about on fab?

Someone saying they'll set a date? But they don't.

Someone saying they are free and then they're not.

They aren't free for weeks.

You give them a date and they don't reply.

You agree to a social but they don't message to arrange it.

You get the idea?

I'd say, rough fab-maths would put it at 20% maybe?

When it switches to phones or texts, sometimes it fizzles, I don't think that's being messed about but the nature of the beast.

If it's there, it flows easy. If it requires any real effort, it's probably a dud.

However tbh, my system is pretty simple, if we can't chat easily on the phone I won't entertain more. "

Everything is an effort for me, unfortunately. that's what happens when you are neurodivergent.

I absolutely hate phone calls with people that I've never met...I will even go to the GP at 8am instead of calling up. Lol!

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Can't get messed about if you can't get meets *points to head* Seriously you do get meets lol you are hot and have lots of veris. "

Thank you, I meant more in a general sense

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *elaninMaverickWoman
over a year ago

near Putney Heath


"How much do you get messed about on fab?

Someone saying they'll set a date? But they don't.

Someone saying they are free and then they're not.

They aren't free for weeks.

You give them a date and they don't reply.

You agree to a social but they don't message to arrange it.

You get the idea?

SOP

Standard Operating Procedure for numerous men on Fab.

This is why I limit my....male harem and go to clubs and socials.

If they trigger me enough, I block them. That's the end of the time they live in my brain rent-free and using my limited mental energy capacity.

I'm not here to be strung along, breadcrumbed and played second fiddle to consistently.

They can get it together or get out and go away.

When I first read this I thought gosh, that's a bit harsh. But on second reading - yeah that's fair.

My friends gently chide me when I make someone a priority in my life, in my social calendar when I'm not one of theirs. Breadcrumbing is wank - recognising it's happened can be easier said than done though.

It's hot girl summer season now, I might remember your take on this to see me through. "

Unfortunately, I have to be harsh..my mental health is extra harsh. If I fuck around or allow people to fuck around with my mind..I find out what colour sheets they've got on the hospital beds these days...or find a nice spot in the morgue. An extreme version of "fuck around and find out".

You have smart friends.

It never ends well when you make someone a priority but you are an option to them.

My brain's default is to avoid people but that leads to agoraphobia.

The balance for me is to find out how to protect my brain from the worst aspects of humanity. lol!

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *eelGoodIncMan
over a year ago

Mids


"I had arranged a meet with a single woman a while ago and she arranged a hotel and everything as she was visiting the area. All I had to do was be a gentleman and turn up and pay for the booking for the night. I got to the hotel and paid up and went up to the room to await her arrival. She text me saying she was on her way over and then that was the last I heard from her. Completely ghosted.OMG that's so shit "
yeah it really knocked me about a bit and messed with my head to be honest but I'm over it now lol

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *elaninMaverickWoman
over a year ago

near Putney Heath


"Im normally the messer not the messee im not into following thru with anything these days

Yup Our interaction would be wholly incompatible and borderline toxic and fatal.

Best we not interact then. im not the arsnic man "

Nope I'm the arsenic. Lol!

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *elaninMaverickWoman
over a year ago

near Putney Heath


"I had arranged a meet with a single woman a while ago and she arranged a hotel and everything as she was visiting the area. All I had to do was be a gentleman and turn up and pay for the booking for the night. I got to the hotel and paid up and went up to the room to await her arrival. She text me saying she was on her way over and then that was the last I heard from her. Completely ghosted."

Disgusting behavior. Next time don't pay for anything until you are both in the hotel bar/restaurant together.

I avoid first meets in hotels altogether. Hotels are my third meet....even for couples...

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *elaninMaverickWoman
over a year ago

near Putney Heath


"How much do you get messed about on fab?

Someone saying they'll set a date? But they don't.

Someone saying they are free and then they're not.

They aren't free for weeks.

You give them a date and they don't reply.

You agree to a social but they don't message to arrange it.

You get the idea?

Sorry you have been messed about but the man that can do that to some one like you must be an absolute god or an absolute fool.

Not sure I understand what’s God-like about messing someone around? Git-like, definitely."

God complex more like....eww. Lol!

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *elaninMaverickWoman
over a year ago

near Putney Heath


"How much do you get messed about on fab?

Someone saying they'll set a date? But they don't.

Someone saying they are free and then they're not.

They aren't free for weeks.

You give them a date and they don't reply.

You agree to a social but they don't message to arrange it.

You get the idea?

This happens all the time and its so frustrating. Seems people enjoy messaging but not meeting for real. Strange that people are on a swinging website but prefer cyberswinging "

It's the way of the internet...Online dating but never actually dating offline. Lol!

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *elaninMaverickWoman
over a year ago

near Putney Heath


"Wow, 140 posts and 33 from one person (and not the OP). Clearly a subject dear to your heart MM.

Luckily I have never been messed around, and definitely some Fabsters are my true friends (in real life not just imaginary cyber friends)."

I'm a fast typer on laptop and delight in sending detailed responses to everyone on topics I like in the forum. See also my detailed verifications that I give to people Lol!

I also crash threads.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I had arranged a meet with a single woman a while ago and she arranged a hotel and everything as she was visiting the area. All I had to do was be a gentleman and turn up and pay for the booking for the night. I got to the hotel and paid up and went up to the room to await her arrival. She text me saying she was on her way over and then that was the last I heard from her. Completely ghosted."
Mate thats the similar thing that happened to me the other day, I spoke to a woman and we arranged to meet for dinner and hotel and when the day came to actually meet up she ghosted my phone calls and text for no reason. Things like that just makes me not to bother with women no more and just live a happily peaceful life

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *elaninMaverickWoman
over a year ago

near Putney Heath


"Can't get messed about if you can't get meets *points to head*"

If only I lived in Derby...

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *elaninMaverickWoman
over a year ago

near Putney Heath


"I had arranged a meet with a single woman a while ago and she arranged a hotel and everything as she was visiting the area. All I had to do was be a gentleman and turn up and pay for the booking for the night. I got to the hotel and paid up and went up to the room to await her arrival. She text me saying she was on her way over and then that was the last I heard from her. Completely ghosted. Mate thats the similar thing that happened to me the other day, I spoke to a woman and we arranged to meet for dinner and hotel and when the day came to actually meet up she ghosted my phone calls and text for no reason. Things like that just makes me not to bother with women no more and just live a happily peaceful life"

Shall I recommend a book?

"Surrounded by Psychopaths: or, How to Stop Being Exploited by Others"

aka How to Protect Yourself from Being Manipulated and Exploited in Business ( and in Life).. and on Fab and in relationships with women.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *mf123Man
over a year ago

with one foot out the door


"Im normally the messer not the messee im not into following thru with anything these days

Yup Our interaction would be wholly incompatible and borderline toxic and fatal.

Best we not interact then. im not the arsnic man

Nope I'm the arsenic. Lol! "
ah id bang you in the anus 6 times if i werent such a messer who wouldnt really

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I had arranged a meet with a single woman a while ago and she arranged a hotel and everything as she was visiting the area. All I had to do was be a gentleman and turn up and pay for the booking for the night. I got to the hotel and paid up and went up to the room to await her arrival. She text me saying she was on her way over and then that was the last I heard from her. Completely ghosted. Mate thats the similar thing that happened to me the other day, I spoke to a woman and we arranged to meet for dinner and hotel and when the day came to actually meet up she ghosted my phone calls and text for no reason. Things like that just makes me not to bother with women no more and just live a happily peaceful life

Shall I recommend a book?

"Surrounded by Psychopaths: or, How to Stop Being Exploited by Others"

aka How to Protect Yourself from Being Manipulated and Exploited in Business ( and in Life).. and on Fab and in relationships with women. "
If it will help then yes please and thank you

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I personally not had any issues if I’ve arranged a time and place to meet the other person has always turned up.

Maybe try chatting to better calibre people good luck

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *orphia2003Woman
over a year ago

Tonypandy.

Happens to me all the time. That's why I've stopped bothering with new meets now. If people want to meet me that badly, they can come to club or social event.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *egoMan
over a year ago

Preston

[Removed by poster at 05/06/23 22:39:56]

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *egoMan
over a year ago

Preston

Fake pics and gift of the gab, grabbing your attention over the genuine folks.

Fantasists.

Genuine issues.

Some just like talking, but see ‘fantasists’.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *elaninMaverickWoman
over a year ago

near Putney Heath


"Im normally the messer not the messee im not into following thru with anything these days

Yup Our interaction would be wholly incompatible and borderline toxic and fatal.

Best we not interact then. im not the arsnic man

Nope I'm the arsenic. Lol! ah id bang you in the anus 6 times if i werent such a messer who wouldnt really"

Not that arse...ick.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *elaninMaverickWoman
over a year ago

near Putney Heath


"Happens to me all the time. That's why I've stopped bothering with new meets now. If people want to meet me that badly, they can come to club or social event.

"

Yup

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *jonesMan
over a year ago

Plymouth

This is a hobby for some , they get kicks out of messing people about ...I have stumbled across two different couples on fab who run other different profiles which they use to mess people about ...

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *odiac40Man
over a year ago

Bradford


"How much do you get messed about on fab?

Someone saying they'll set a date? But they don't.

Someone saying they are free and then they're not.

They aren't free for weeks.

You give them a date and they don't reply.

You agree to a social but they don't message to arrange it.

You get the idea?

"

I have been on this app for a weeks but it seems like no one is interested and any polite conversation gets ended abruptly

Went for a visit to quest in Leeds and they’re not taking any single males

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *jonesMan
over a year ago

Plymouth


"How much do you get messed about on fab?

Someone saying they'll set a date? But they don't.

Someone saying they are free and then they're not.

They aren't free for weeks.

You give them a date and they don't reply.

You agree to a social but they don't message to arrange it.

You get the idea?

I have been on this app for a weeks but it seems like no one is interested and any polite conversation gets ended abruptly

Went for a visit to quest in Leeds and they’re not taking any single males "

Hi , if you can go to an organised social , much easier way to meet people , search the forums , big one in Manchester

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *andyfloss2000Woman
over a year ago

ashford

Happens yes! Not had a no show but a few flakey people who suddenly can't make it! Take it all with pinch of salt! But that said the ones I do meet have been good meets x

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I find single women bad for this I find couples more accommodating just my opinion

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"How much do you get messed about on fab?

Someone saying they'll set a date? But they don't.

Someone saying they are free and then they're not.

They aren't free for weeks.

You give them a date and they don't reply.

You agree to a social but they don't message to arrange it.

You get the idea?

"

Quite frankly PW if you are struggling then we are all fucked!!

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *elaninMaverickWoman
over a year ago

near Putney Heath

That definitely works.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *ansoffateMan
over a year ago

Sagittarius A

I tend to think it's my own fault for entertaining it if that happens.

It's rare to be honest.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *elaninMaverickWoman
over a year ago

near Putney Heath


"How much do you get messed about on fab?

Someone saying they'll set a date? But they don't.

Someone saying they are free and then they're not.

They aren't free for weeks.

You give them a date and they don't reply.

You agree to a social but they don't message to arrange it.

You get the idea?

I have been on this app for a weeks but it seems like no one is interested and any polite conversation gets ended abruptly

Went for a visit to quest in Leeds and they’re not taking any single males "

Did you read the membership rules before turning up or you just turned up and hoped for the best. Unfortunately, as a single male, you have to work much harder than single females or couples in the swinging world.

And the further up north you are the less people are into swinging...( dunno if it's too cold to get your kit off)

The stakes are higher to travel 40 miles for a meet when there are no public photos of them and they have no verifications.

My nearest club is 11 miles away down in London and there are 5 in a 20 mile radius and numerous parties and socials to meet people.

You are definitely going to have to work harder, get your tickets earlier, improve your profile and be strategic in the women/couple that you approach.

I am someone who is not a chatter online...but in person....and on forum threads you can't get me to shut up. I crash threads. Lol!

I blame the neurodivergent brain in my head.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It took me a long time to switch to clubs only but this is the main reason I did. Countless times being messed around, having my time wasted and not being treated like a human being. I get it, life gets in the way sometimes and fab world isn't the real world but god this shit is exhausting.

I used to be understanding, forgiving and give people more chances than quite frankly they deserved. Now I'm a bit more cut throat, so if I get a sniff of being treated like a mug I just cut it dead. I don't want to be like that but it's got to a point where I struggle to care when it's clear they don't."

I've still not had any responses or meets on fab not fir the lack of trying (though I guess my message game is poor) so can't speak for here, but I use the rule of 2... then walk away.

They get 2 rain checks, cancel on the 2nd I walk away...

Think its time I switch to only clubs.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not experienced any issues although I rarely meet anyone anyway

The one person that I have continued to meet seems to understand me well hence why I still see him.

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Although certain men are bad at doing it I feel women are the worse culprits of standing someone up

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 

By *mf123Man
over a year ago

with one foot out the door

Sorry i got lost on the way

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
 
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"How much do you get messed about on fab?

Someone saying they'll set a date? But they don't.

Someone saying they are free and then they're not.

They aren't free for weeks.

You give them a date and they don't reply.

You agree to a social but they don't message to arrange it.

You get the idea?

Quite frankly PW if you are struggling then we are all fucked!!"

Quite frankly I'd prefer to get fucked than struggle!!!

 (closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately
back to top