FabSwingers.com forum: Authenticity...

By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

Being authentic. Having authenticity. It's popping up a lot more in my life currently - even on emails sent before a sensible time. I think it might be the new buzzword.

So, what does it look like for you? Are you authentic? Is it an important trait in your eyes?

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By *uckmonkeyMan
over a year ago

devon

I hope I got the meaning right but what you see is what you get….

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By *inger_SnapWoman
over a year ago

Hampshire/Dorset

Yes, no façade or putting an act on. The mask soon drops...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't think I'm genuinely authentic to everyone I meet. We all have insecurities that we can hide and parts of our personality we don't show and I do exactly that, maybe out of fear of overwhelming them and scaring them away.

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By *prilSubTV/TS
over a year ago

I always find "genuine" a weird word to pop up in a lot of messages. It never precedes a different word, just stands alone. I think people act as if it's some form of self verification but it's so vague.

"don't worry I'm genuine"

Oh in that case sure let's meet. You should have said earlier that you're "genuine". Until you cleared me of all doubt I thought perhaps you were a spectre or a papier mache puppet but now I see you're real.

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By *iasubTV/TS
over a year ago

Ilkeston

[Removed by poster at 05/06/23 12:17:59]

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By *iasubTV/TS
over a year ago

Ilkeston

Being true either to ones self or something is true/real

For me if you say you are genuine/authentic then you probably are the exact opposite as why would you need to tell me surly your actions would dictate that.

The biggest thing for me is to stick to what you say. Its easy to over promise and under deliver. So if you say you are going to do something then do it

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By *inger_SnapWoman
over a year ago

Hampshire/Dorset

"I always find "genuine" a weird word to pop up in a lot of messages. It never precedes a different word, just stands alone. I think people act as if it's some form of self verification but it's so vague.

"don't worry I'm genuine"

Along with professional and discreet, all the fab buzz words

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So, what does it look like for you? Are you authentic?…"

I dunno anymore.

Even if someone is putting on an act, are they being authentic because that’s the type of person they are?

I just enjoy people who are real and don’t play games. But authentic normally means are they true to what they say, rather then “I’m a nice guy/girl” in front of everyone, but you know different.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Its a constant challenge with myself, I do my best to be authentic, trying to overtake biases and brain tricks, avoiding comforting lies, sometimes I succeeded, but looking at repeating patterns in my life there's still something I haven't figured out and tackled.

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By *icassolifelikeMan
over a year ago

Luton

I am a real person. I think that makes me authentic.

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By *TG3Man
over a year ago

Dorchester

I'm as authentic as they come

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"I hope I got the meaning right but what you see is what you get…."

Yeah, I think that's what's meant generally. In terms of businesses providing an authentic experience, it's an odd word in my mind. Maybe not in the hospitality sector. It's popped up in two emails this morning and a few chats with friends so I'm pondering on screen.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wouldn’t say I was truly authentic on here all the time no. I don’t necessarily lie and act like someone I’m not but I don’t let the people I meet see the things I don’t particularly like about myself because I don’t feel like I need to. I hope that makes sense.

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By *udeSpaLoverMan
over a year ago

Sheffield

I think for a lot of people Fab is about escapism and having the opportunity to be someone else or explore fantasies, so that would suggest they're not genuine as the person they might be on a meet isn't who they are day to day - but they don't need to be. As long as people are friendly and not weirdos or time wasters, or worse psychpaths, then that's as genuine or authentic as they need to be.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's right up there with 'Genuine'

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By *wist my nipplesCouple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly

It definitely is a restaurant/pub related buzzword right now!

In terms of people being authentic, I guess for me I equate it with not trying to be something you're not. I'm comfortable with only showing parts of yourself to people in different situations - home, work, friends, fab - and I don't consider that to be inauthentic. But deliberately misrepresenting yourself I would view as not being authentic.

Mrs TMN x

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

The word genuine comes up that often in life and 9 times out of 10 out of someone who isn't that.

Generally I assume everyone is genuine until they prove otherwise, if they have to state it I assume there not.

Mrs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’d say I am as much as I can be.

This thread makes me think of Goffman and his presentation of self - are you ever your true self in the presence of others?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm a fake, baby

I can't conceal it.

Know how I know?

'Cause I can feel it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’d say I am as much as I can be.

This thread makes me think of Goffman and his presentation of self - are you ever your true self in the presence of others? "

Short answer: No

Long answer: Noooooooooooooooooooooooo

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By *erence IIMan
over a year ago

Irrelevant

What does it even mean? If I'm a person who struggles with social interaction but makes an effort to be gregarious, its that me failing to be authentic and shy or is that me being authentic and making an effort?

If I see someone behave in a way I despise is that me failing to be authentic and speak out showing my true feelings of is that me being authentic and showing my desire not to make a scene?

It seems to me that authentic is whatever you want it to be, we all rationalise and justify our behavoir post hoc anyway.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’d say I am as much as I can be.

This thread makes me think of Goffman and his presentation of self - are you ever your true self in the presence of others?

Short answer: No

Long answer: Noooooooooooooooooooooooo"

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By *ily WhiteWoman
over a year ago

I think we all have different versions of ourselves for different situations/people, so I don't think anyone can be 100% authentic 100% of the time. What I mean by that is the me that my boss sees is different to the me that my closest friends see. Are both versions the true me? Absolutely. But they're edited versions of me, not the whole package.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To me, being authentic means being true to myself in terms of my values, beliefs and boundaries.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think we all have different versions of ourselves for different situations/people, so I don't think anyone can be 100% authentic 100% of the time. What I mean by that is the me that my boss sees is different to the me that my closest friends see. Are both versions the true me? Absolutely. But they're edited versions of me, not the whole package. "

I was going to say something like this to start off with but couldn't be arsed to be challenged by the "I'm 100% of me all the time and they can like it or lump it because it's who I am" brigade.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Although, having said that, 'being' authentic and 'having' authenticity I think are two different things...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was going to say something like this to start off with but couldn't be arsed to be challenged by the "I'm 100% of me all the time and they can like it or lump it because it's who I am" brigade."

I know them

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"I don't think I'm genuinely authentic to everyone I meet. We all have insecurities that we can hide and parts of our personality we don't show and I do exactly that, maybe out of fear of overwhelming them and scaring them away."

But is not showing all of us to everyone inauthentic? I'm not sure. I think it's human to not reveal our insecurities - we don't want to push people away, make ourselves potentially vulnerable.

And different people bring out different elements of who we are, based on the dynamic we have with them.

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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago

yumsville

Have to say I despise these buzzwords used in everyday language as if they are codes to live by. You hear them more and more as if facefuck has taken over everyday speech. I might be too old to keep up with the cool kids so I'm purposely using that as an excuse not to update myself.

YOLO.

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By *oggoneMan
over a year ago

Derry

Isn't it just latest expression du jour that starts in some corner of the net and next thing is everyone and their dog professes to be it.

Some of these terms like synergies stay as corporate buzz words. Some crossover and become mainstream.

I mean in 2023 people can't even share the same reality or facts. Where does claims of authenticity come into this?

Think its time for my nap.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was going to say something like this to start off with but couldn't be arsed to be challenged by the "I'm 100% of me all the time and they can like it or lump it because it's who I am" brigade.

I know them

Exactly, and that's ironically not authentic because it's impossible to do that

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By *UGGYBEAR2015Man
over a year ago

BRIDPORT

"Being authentic. Having authenticity. It's popping up a lot more in my life currently - even on emails sent before a sensible time. I think it might be the new buzzword.

So, what does it look like for you? Are you authentic? Is it an important trait in your eyes?"

Used in the context to which elude, it is a complete nonsense, unless I’ve completely got the wrong end of the stick.

Everyone of us is our authentic self.

If you put up a facade to mask some part of your self, then that is you being you, because that’s what you do to deal with things.

If you present yourself bare, warts’n’ all, then that is you being you.

As I say it’s one of the growing list of terms that I put in the ‘bollocks speak’ category.

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

We all have do many different sides to us, which one is the most authentic? I try to be open and honest so is this authenticity?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I honestly don't have the energy to put on an act in any aspect of my life so what you see is pretty much what you get.

However, it comes in a package of insecurity, tiredness and a lot of 'swanning' so I make it look like I'm fine when sometimes I'm frantically paddling just to stay afloat. General life stuff for me is hard a lot of the time.

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By *aucasian GhandiMan
over a year ago

from my dad's left nut (Warwick)

Being your true authentic self means what you say in life aligns wit your actions. Your authentic self goes beyond what you do for a living, what possessions you own, or who you are to someone (mom, brother, girlfriend etc). It is who you are at the core and standing in that core truth.

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By *rooperRedMan
over a year ago

Littlehampton

To me, authenticity is about being true to yourself and your values, and not compromising on them. If honesty is something I value and which I feel is one of my core values, being dishonest would mean not being authentic.

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"don't worry I'm genuine"

The savagery. Yes, it's a weird humble brag isn't it?

Genuine is a dull term that I try not to roll my eyes at.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

But is not showing all of us to everyone inauthentic? I'm not sure. I think it's human to not reveal our insecurities - we don't want to push people away, make ourselves potentially vulnerable.

And different people bring out different elements of who we are, based on the dynamic we have with them. "

That's a good point, I suppose it's impossible to show all of yourself to one person if you meet them for the first time so the authiticity reveals itself over a number of meetings? It also raises an interesting question where if you don't like someone, is it inauthentic to be civil and nice to their face while still hating them with a burning passion?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Being authentic is a tricky one in this world, I would say that nobody truly is. We all have times where we hide certain traits to fit the 'norm' or bow to pressure to behave in a way that's acceptable to most of society. Even our values can be tested in certain situations and I'm sure there's been occasions where all of us haven't been completely honest or accepted responsibility for things we should have. Being true to yourself yes but being authentic is a myth we tell ourselves in my opinion.

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By *olly_chromaticTV/TS
over a year ago

Stockport

I'm getting more so that I can't be arsed to be what others might want me to be, I'd rather just be myself. I've found recently that I seem to have stopped being polite on twitter, when I see people being shitty arseholes I just come out and tell them they're shitty arseholes. And if Elon bans me for it, then it's no fucking big loss.

So maybe the authentic me is very sweary? Dunno.

Would I put on a different face to get sex? Doesn't work anyway, so might as well not bother. I'm here, come and get me, or don't.

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By *penbicoupleCouple
over a year ago

Northampton

It's very important to me that I am authentic. I think of that as being the same as integrity (at least, that's how the word seems to be used these days).

For me, it's about being the same on the outside as I am on the inside. You know, dark, depraved, cynical, etc.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It’s a good word, but yes it’s definitely around more. It’s definitely a better word than genuine.

But I prefer “I’m true to my word” or “this is me”

The last usually followed with “sorry” lol

I think I’m me most of the time, but different variations of me exist at different times to different people and situations. But I try to always stay true to my principals.

And yes I don’t want to get to know the persona of yourself you out across on here. I want to get to know you!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m a true version of myself on here. But I can’t explain it but have you ever met someone say at work and just been a more comfortable version of yourself? Because of familiarity and stuff? I can’t explain it but sometimes I am being a version of myself and then I meet someone and I’m more the version I am ‘at home’.

I am especially guilty of worrying about being disliked and I’m sure that alters how I am and what parts of me I don’t show. Especially in the forums with the people that are in here. To what extent can any of us be our real selves in here? And to what extent is being your full real self safe in a space like this?

Blah blah more to say but cba anymore

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

But is not showing all of us to everyone inauthentic? I'm not sure. I think it's human to not reveal our insecurities - we don't want to push people away, make ourselves potentially vulnerable.

And different people bring out different elements of who we are, based on the dynamic we have with them.

The one word I always associate with 'authentic' is consistency.

Because the lack of the latter makes the former complete bullshit.

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By *mf123Man
over a year ago

with one foot out the door

This is a much faker more watered down version of me these days it got me in too much trouble in a past life these days im an edited version the world is not equipped to handle the authentic version of me anymore so i do my best to keep my nose out of it something something im learning to dull my passion and impulsivity and put a blocker in that missing filter where i can catch myself

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By *aucasian GhandiMan
over a year ago

from my dad's left nut (Warwick)

"I’m a true version of myself on here. But I can’t explain it but have you ever met someone say at work and just been a more comfortable version of yourself? Because of familiarity and stuff? I can’t explain it but sometimes I am being a version of myself and then I meet someone and I’m more the version I am ‘at home’.

Blah blah more to say but cba anymore

Why can't we be out true selves on the forums? Whatever that maybe on any given day. Which fir me my true authentic self changes day by day, even moment by moment, I accept whatever version I may be of my self...

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By *ired_upMan
over a year ago

ashton

The key to life is being authentic.

And once you learn to fake that you are fine.

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By *andadbodMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

i’m not a copy of my original self

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Blah blah more to say but cba anymore

My feelings on that reason would derail the thread a bit so won’t get into it in here. I think it’s good that you can be yourself in here though fr

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am the truest to myself and perhaps more honest than I have ever been

I am kind, considerate, thoughtful, patient, inclusive and understanding

That said, I am both deeply cynical and deeply sceptical

I am also a little aloof at times

I know what I like and what works for me and can rarely be cajoled or swayed into doing something outside of what I am comfortable with

I think 'no nonsense' applies, but I'm nice with it

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By *riar BelisseWoman
over a year ago

Delightful Bliss

Does what it says on the tin.

Fake people are one of my bugbears in life, but they always get seen through in the end

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By *igjonny090Man
over a year ago

blackpool and Manchester

I’m always myself even if that’s not beneficial to me, better people like me for who I am rather than who they want me to be which I think is authenticity but I could be wrong

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By *aucasian GhandiMan
over a year ago

from my dad's left nut (Warwick)

Blah blah more to say but cba anymore

My feelings on that reason would derail the thread a bit so won’t get into it in here. I think it’s good that you can be yourself in here though fr "

True authenticity would be acknowledging those feelings, and expressing them on the thread.

However, on the flip side

It can be argued that your being authentic by having that self awareness, that if i say that it'll derail the thread...

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"It definitely is a restaurant/pub related buzzword right now!

Mrs TMN x"

Isn't it just? The amount of authentic dining experiences... no.

Yes, I guess deliberately misrepresenting yourself isn't being authentic. We're all multifaceted, prone to fickleness, to having different moods day to day. I'm loathe to say someone is inauthentic because it feels like an unnecessarily damning judgment - how can I make that snap judgement? I guess intentionally putting on a facade that's far from the truth? Or lying. Even then it's not a clear line.

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

This is something that I’ve been thinking about a lot lately, mainly because there are several important aspects of my life that I don’t share or communicate with other people in my day to day existence.

I haven’t shared my sexuality or that I’m poly with my children, I haven’t shared my sexuality or the gender of my partner with people at work.

At the moment I’m stuck between ‘need to know’ and living my choices authentically

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By *lay 4 your plessureMan
over a year ago

Wigan

Not entirely sure what it means, but I'm guessing it's just a different way of describing honesty.

I'm just me, I don't have the time or energy to be anything else. If I did try to be a different person for different people then I doubt I'd be able to remember who I am to who, so it's not worth the hassle and I'd end up being found out eventually anyway. I'd rather people like/dislike me for who I am and it's so much easier for me to just be me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Being authentic is a tricky one in this world, I would say that nobody truly is. We all have times where we hide certain traits to fit the 'norm' or bow to pressure to behave in a way that's acceptable to most of society. Even our values can be tested in certain situations and I'm sure there's been occasions where all of us haven't been completely honest or accepted responsibility for things we should have. Being true to yourself yes but being authentic is a myth we tell ourselves in my opinion."

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually

Hmm.

I think I'm authentic.

I front, I fake a little(lottle) extra ego and drench everything in sarcasm. Those should really translate as not authentic, but I know the people that matter know where the front and the sarcasm start and end, and if I don't have those up they know something is desperately wrong.

I'm questioning it now. By definition, I'm almost certainly not. But I feel like I am as authentic as it's possible to be.

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By *mber81Woman
over a year ago

Chorley, Eng

Oh I talk a lot about this. It never occurred to me it might piss people off. When in vanilla dating I used to talk about how honesty was a deal breaker for me. About a year and a half ago a conversation made me change my mind on that.

Yes I want people to be honest with me but actually I want them to be honest with themselves just as much.

Sometimes life requires you to or you make a decision to conceal some things in some situations or act in a different way with different people. But I want to be around people that self aware enough to understand why they are doing it.

Being true to your core morals, values and being self aware enough to recognise why you are making decisions feels like being authentic to me.

And I am here for that.

However let's not forget that both honesty and authenticity can be a privilege. Not everyone is safe enough or secure enough to even consider if they are or are not being authentic.

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By *aughty_Smooth_OperatorMan
over a year ago

Birmingham

I tend to look for authentic football shirts when buying, F1 gear or any phone tech if I don't put authentic in getvthe usual cheap knock of ones

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"Oh I talk a lot about this. It never occurred to me it might piss people off. When in vanilla dating I used to talk about how honesty was a deal breaker for me. About a year and a half ago a conversation made me change my mind on that.

Yes I want people to be honest with me but actually I want them to be honest with themselves just as much.

Being true to your core morals, values and being self aware enough to recognise why you are making decisions feels like being authentic to me.

And I am here for that.

However let's not forget that both honesty and authenticity can be a privilege. Not everyone is safe enough or secure enough to even consider if they are or are not being authentic.

You write so beautifully Amber, it's good to see you posting more on here.

I don't think there's anything wrong with talking about. Far from it. If something is important to you, why not talk about it? I'm going to reserve the right to be unamused by poor marketing strategies though, for reasons.:D

I love the way you've discussed it - a lot of it resonates with my beliefs on it.

Honesty and authenticity is a privilege, you're right. Sometimes I'm quick to forget that but perhaps, even with my ND way of processing, I should remember that and offer grace more oft.

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By *ulieAndBeefCouple
over a year ago

Manchester-ish

"This is something that I’ve been thinking about a lot lately, mainly because there are several important aspects of my life that I don’t share or communicate with other people in my day to day existence.

I haven’t shared my sexuality or that I’m poly with my children, I haven’t shared my sexuality or the gender of my partner with people at work.

At the moment I’m stuck between ‘need to know’ and living my choices authentically "

I don't think that not telling them is not being authentic. You are entitled to privacy. If during a conversation on polyamory or sexuality you criticised the things that you are - that would be inauthentic. Those are my feelings on it anyway.

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By *isfits behaving badlyCouple
over a year ago

Coventry

"Being authentic. Having authenticity. It's popping up a lot more in my life currently - even on emails sent before a sensible time. I think it might be the new buzzword.

So, what does it look like for you? Are you authentic? Is it an important trait in your eyes?"

From a business/organisational point of veiw I totally cringed out of the ball park. Even the talk of authenticity would set my Bull shit meter off the scale.

Form an individual point of veiw I just take people as I find them. For me however they come to me is authentic because the very model of how they represent is them. No one presents with purity because we all present a little as something adulterated, deliberately or subconsciously, mainly both. But that is us, that is in a way authentic and why I kind of find the idea of authentic to be Bull shit, irrelevant. Just accept people aren't pure and work them out for yourself because no one can be purely authentic.

And likewise although it's good to self examine and identify flaws you can really get yourself wrapped up in a cycle of over thinking and questioning yourself. It's harmful. Don't worry too much about being authentic or whatever. Just live life and be accepting and forgiving of yourself. Do self abuse in a cycle of questioning your real self. Your self is you. Even for example your someone who masks a lot subconsciously (life myself) that still you. Your not fake, you are real, it's part of you.

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

I see it occasionally here, being true to yourself when there’s a pressure to act otherwise is how I’d define it. It’s a very attractive quality.

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By *mber81Woman
over a year ago

Chorley, Eng

Yes I want people to be honest with me but actually I want them to be honest with themselves just as much.

Being true to your core morals, values and being self aware enough to recognise why you are making decisions feels like being authentic to me.

And I am here for that.

However let's not forget that both honesty and authenticity can be a privilege. Not everyone is safe enough or secure enough to even consider if they are or are not being authentic.

You write so beautifully Amber, it's good to see you posting more on here.

I love the way you've discussed it - a lot of it resonates with my beliefs on it.

Honesty and authenticity is a privilege, you're right. Sometimes I'm quick to forget that but perhaps, even with my ND way of processing, I should remember that and offer grace more oft."

Thank you Meli. I have a habit of using 5 words where one will do though. Off to find an authentic pizza now. Hopefully it will be true to itself.

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