FabSwingers.com forum: Ghosters

By *obilebottom OP Man
over a year ago

All over

If you are in the habit of ghosting people for no apparent reason after chatting for a while and then pretend you dont even read their messages, please add your profile name here to save everyone the bother of wasting time. It's not clever and it's not funny. Though it does help to know which people others should avoid and block. Go on, reveal yourself as it's against the rule for others to do so.

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually

If the conversation goes stale, or I have nothing to add, I'm not going to waste either or our time with filler fluff

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By *oxy jWoman
over a year ago

somerset

ghosting = when someone you know very well ie long term friend or relationship suddenly stop making contact ...

ghostingh a word very much over used on these forums ..

the thing is with this scene nobody owe anybody anything really if someone you barely know stops talking its normally for a reason but one they really dont have to explain .... why ..well they owe you or anyone else nothing

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By *oxy jWoman
over a year ago

somerset

i am guilty of getting bored of a convo

i am guilty of stopping chat because some one has said something i did not like

i am guilty of other parts of my life getting in the way

i am guilty of stopping chatting after a face pic is shown

i am guilty of stopping chatting when the other person gets all wanky

i am guilty of stopping chatting when they insist on calling you love or hun- sexy

i am guilty of stopping chatting what they say they want to empty there nuts into me

i mean i could go on all day as im guilty as

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By *obilebottom OP Man
over a year ago

All over

"If the conversation goes stale, or I have nothing to add, I'm not going to waste either or our time with filler fluff

That's fair enough but was talking when there is no such reason. People of course can change their mind but there are ways of bringing the exchange of messages to an end including blocking but pretending you have not read the message when you have been frequently on and posting etc is a different matter. I accept people behave in different ways of course but that imo is not the best way to do it although I have seen posts before saying I don't owe anyone, anything, I manage my inbox as I like etc. I still believe it's not right to blank someone after lots of conversation and a built up of 'friendship'. Block them and be done with it if you want nothing to do with them

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually

"If the conversation goes stale, or I have nothing to add, I'm not going to waste either or our time with filler fluff

Sometimes, I don't have the spoons to give a respectable answer to something someone has said. So I mark it as unread so I can come back to it when my head is in the right space.

Sometimes, my inbox gets that full that unread messages fall off the viewable area.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I ghost

I know I do… In my personal life heavily, I keep contact with no one unless they’re in front of me, I know it’s a toxic trait, my social battery dies. If something happens in my life, I answer no one, I just function

I blame my adhd

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By *obilebottom OP Man
over a year ago

All over

"I ghost

I blame my adhd

But I assume those that know you well appreciate your condition and don't take offence and can restart where you left with them at some point of you wish. Though I appreciate some may not be so forgiving but then can't be real friends

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By *ehindHerEyesCouple
over a year ago

SomewhereOnlyWeKnow

"I ghost

I blame my adhd

I get what you mean. With my job meaning I’m having to be extroverted but myself being more of an introvert it’s never in the forefront of mind my to text or call people outside of work.

I don’t ghost on purpose and it’s definitely not a conscious decision but if I’m having to always be the one to reach out or drive a conversation things have a habit of just fading away

Marc

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By *ehindHerEyesCouple
over a year ago

SomewhereOnlyWeKnow

"ghosting = when someone you know very well ie long term friend or relationship suddenly stop making contact ...

ghostingh a word very much over used on these forums .."

I think that genuine ghosting as you have described is also used as a manipulation technique so it ways much heavier than a brief conversation here on fab

Marc

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

I do, I sometimes get overwhelmed with a public facing job. And if that has happened the last thing I'm going to do is chat to people on line. I'm crap with people off from here, luckily my friends know me well enough to know I'm burnt out and need to recharge.

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By *he_Secret_GardenWoman
over a year ago

Naughty Lane

If convo goes stale or I don't feel a vibe I just dissapear...or say that I'm not really interested

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By *uriousscouserWoman
over a year ago

Wirral

I've never stopped a conversation for no reason. There's always a reason.

That said sometimes I run out of the energy required to answer messages and leave them for a while until I'm feeling more sociable.

I've been in the situation where I've had a really good natter and a laugh with someone and then they just stop responding. I figure it's their right to do so, I'm not entitled to their time or attention, and they don't have to explain to me what turned them off responding. If they'd wanted to respond they would have done, so the fact they didn't is enough for me to move on.

I might send another message if we've been chatting for a long time (I struggle picking up on hints so I think at times I try to flog a dead horse), but then I leave well enough alone and they can contact me if they want to (if whatever's going on is an issue in their life rather than wanting to cut contact with me, for example).

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If conversation naturally dies off or they’re boring me to death I will ghost. Also if they message saying how horny they are.

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By *ittlebirdWoman
over a year ago

The Big Smoke

"If the conversation goes stale, or I have nothing to add, I'm not going to waste either or our time with filler fluff

They’re allowed to go on the forums and not answer messages. This isn’t ghosting. Perhaps they’re not in the mood to chat right at that moment. Or maybe you’ve sent 25 messages and that’s a bit much for them?

Either way I think you’re overthinking it OP. Move on. Make friends. Don’t get so hung up on something that’s fizzled out

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By *obilebottom OP Man
over a year ago

All over

"If conversation naturally dies off or they’re boring me to death I will ghost. Also if they message saying how horny they are. "

I think that's fair and most people would do. However would you do it to someone you have been chatting about all sorts of things as a friend and look back at last conversation that was pretty normal and like all the others before? I must be weird to be thinking that's not the way but hey ho.

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By *inger_SnapWoman
over a year ago

Hampshire/Dorset

You might perceive it as friendship, but really they're mostly strangers on the internet.

Maybe don't invest so much in people online.

And you never know what they've got going on in their life.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If conversation naturally dies off or they’re boring me to death I will ghost. Also if they message saying how horny they are.

Just because you were enjoying the conversation doesn’t mean they were. It’s best just to move on.

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By *adCherriesCouple
over a year ago

Cheshire/Northwest

"If conversation naturally dies off or they’re boring me to death I will ghost. Also if they message saying how horny they are.

Just because you were enjoying the conversation doesn’t mean they were. It’s best just to move on."

This

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By *obilebottom OP Man
over a year ago

All over

[Removed by poster at 01/06/23 13:32:49]

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By *obilebottom OP Man
over a year ago

All over

To be fair, all the stuff you are all saying is things I would say to others too. It just does not sit right that we normalise that behaviour but also I agree does not warrant overthinking it. It's lunch time, I am having a sarnie and just shared a thought aloud. Thanks for your posts everyone.

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By *oggoneMan
over a year ago

Derry

I think it's just part of the price of admission to being online. Internet based relationships/communication will show the best and worst in people.

It is one of those things that people will do because they can. Yeah it would be considered to be rude hurtful and disrespectful if someone did it IRL but given the quasi anonymity the internet allows, it's gonna happen.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I leave messages unread if i can see the conversation is going nowhere. I flit on and offline and not open all the messages I receive.

Feel free to block me OP

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By *obilebottom OP Man
over a year ago

All over

"I think it's just part of the price of admission to being online. Internet based relationships/communication will show the best and worst in people.

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By *obilebottom OP Man
over a year ago

All over

"I leave messages unread if i can see the conversation is going nowhere. I flit on and offline and not open all the messages I receive.

Feel free to block me OP

I have no reason to. Others might

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By *riar BelisseWoman
over a year ago

Delightful Bliss

"You might perceive it as friendship, but really they're mostly strangers on the internet.

Maybe don't invest so much in people online.

And you never know what they've got going on in their life."

Exactly this

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

I'm guilty of ghosting someone after chatting to them for 18 months.

Although I'm not sure ghosting is the correct term.

My reason for doing so was their toxic behaviour, their shallowness and obsession with what everyone else on here was doing as well as the fact they were living in cloud cuckoo land.

No amount of explaining to them why I no longer wished to be their friend make any difference so I just cut them off completely and my life has been so much better as a result.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just ghost writers

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A lot of people just lack basic manners.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

See what i did above ghosted

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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in Co. Down

I stopped chatting to people on here. Usually because they got overly sexual or seemed to ask a lot of personal questions yet always gave vague answers about themselves. I have stopped chatting to people I knew pretty well because they were outright lying to me,or loved drama and causing it,or shared people's info to me because they didn't like someone. And sometimes just because I wasn't feeling like that chat interested me anymore. There are lots of different reasons why I will stop chatting on here.

And I have had it done to me as well on here. It doesn't bother me when it does happen I'm not that invested in fab that it would upset me.

I also quite often log in here and don't even look at messages that show up on the top of the page. Especially if I know I'm only going to be on for a few minutes at a time. And it's not because I have a loaf of messages to answer It's rare I would have more than two at any given time. It annoys the hell out of me though when I do read the message and there's a rant about how I've been online and not replied sooner. That is a sure fire way to end any chat. It's why I wish we could have an option to remove the blue dot or when I was last on .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The last person we ghosted had a shadow avatar and just wanted a bit of a whine.

It was an easy block.

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By *obilebottom OP Man
over a year ago

All over

"The last person we ghosted had a shadow avatar and just wanted a bit of a whine.

It was an easy block. "

Good for you I say

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By *tephTV67TV/TS
over a year ago

Cheshire

Not sure if I ghost or not.

I certainly don’t with friends or potential partners. On here or other sites I’m on, probably have stopped messaging because of something that’s happened during a conversation, life getting in the way, new relationship etc… until that person is no longer a stranger to me, then I feel no obligation towards them.

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By *ehindHerEyesCouple
over a year ago

SomewhereOnlyWeKnow

Isn’t it ironic how the OP has ghosted a lot of people who have commented on the thread

Marc

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By *obilebottom OP Man
over a year ago

All over

"A lot of people just lack basic manners. "

That's certainly true but to be fair I was not suggesting there are never reasons to. I agree with people that say there are reasons to sometimes just not when there is no apparent one after building up a friendship. No big deal though, as I said above, I was just thinking aloud. All forgotten now

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By *MisschiefxTV/TS
over a year ago

London

I'll ghost people but it's more like I just forget they exist.

Sometimes I lose interest in a conversation and forget about it and sometimes I lose interest and just don't want to spend the energy to continue it or end it.

The executive dysfunction that comes with ADHD can make messaging people a huge chore and energy sink. I don't owe anyone outside of my nearest and dearest that energy and brain space.

My sexuality and gender identity is also very fluid. One week I might be feeling very femme and really want a masculine guy to put his cock in my bum or another week I might be feeling more masculine and be more interested in feminine women. If a chat with someone has gone on so long it crosses that gender/ sexuality flip then I will just completely lose interest and attraction to them and more than likely forget they exist.

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

"If the conversation goes stale, or I have nothing to add, I'm not going to waste either or our time with filler fluff

Exactly this.

Mrs

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By *lexV16Man
over a year ago

Welling

It’s just internet, it’s a new manners. Unspoken rule - if you don’t feel it, you just stop it. No explanation needed.

I don’t like it, I don’t do it, but I accepted this new reality and suggest same to OP.

However real ghosting when you know a person, met few times, had great time and then no explanation disappearance. You see your messages are read in WhatsApp, yet not a word. That’s too harsh. I was down for few weeks till I came over it. Who ever is doing that to others - you are very very bad people. A simple “I don’t feel it” and no response to any further comms are much more mature behaviour.

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By *ools and the brainCouple
over a year ago

couple, us we him her.

Who you gonna call?

Or not in this case Ghosting buster's

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By *obilebottom OP Man
over a year ago

All over

"It’s just internet, it’s a new manners. Unspoken rule - if you don’t feel it, you just stop it. No explanation needed.

I don’t like it, I don’t do it, but I accepted this new reality and suggest same to OP.

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By *mber81Woman
over a year ago

Chorley, Eng

"If you are in the habit of ghosting people for no apparent reason after chatting for a while and then pretend you dont even read their messages, please add your profile name here to save everyone the bother of wasting time. It's not clever and it's not funny. Though it does help to know which people others should avoid and block. Go on, reveal yourself as it's against the rule for others to do so.

If the person isn't asking questions. I stop responding.

If the person said something I didn't like. I stop responding.

If the person is just replying to my message saying that I don't think we are a match. I don't reply.

However I have also had a few really good conversations and have just literally lost the message. I find it very difficult to find messages if I get busy for a few days and have forgotten to turn off messaging and I am useless at remembering usernames. I do feel bad about that not least because I think I have probably lost a few connections I would have enjoyed. I feel like Fabmin is hard work.

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