FabSwingers.com forum: Things that make youchuckle on profiles...

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

...I'm not racist just my preference!!

OK I get that everyone has a preference, no need to claim you're not a racist because that in it's self is suspect... Haha

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

I am leaving shortly

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

..... I'm turning lesbian, you're all bastards.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm single, then you read it... and they are not

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" ..... I'm turning lesbian, you're all bastards."

I thought i had took that out before anyone had seen it

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

we are looking to play with nice respectful people.

but forget out forum rantings to anyone with a different opinion to us...

au contraire

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sydney University!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We want beautiful single bi female now .... no mail no hassle just get here.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Sydney University! "

Seriously though, Sydney have massive interest in what goes on over here in this swinging country because absolutely no-one swings in Australia, they don't even have sex over there...

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By *bbandflowCouple
over a year ago

South Devon

No timewasters

!.does anybody really believe that timewasters reading that will think..ok then I won't

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Sydney University!

Seriously though, Sydney have massive interest in what goes on over here in this swinging country because absolutely no-one swings in Australia, they don't even have sex over there...

Australian foreplay = "brace yaself sheila"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"will fill this bit in later" what the fuck is that about. You've had time to enroll, put in your will do list but havnt got time to elaborate? What's up has hubby just got home from work?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"...I'm not racist just my preference!!

OK I get that everyone has a preference, no need to claim you're not a racist because that in it's self is suspect... Haha

Not really, been accused several times of being racist, so altered my profile to say I'm not.

Have Asian and black friends, just don't find there cultures attractive which I why I don't meet.

What does make me laugh is people suggesting I may be racist, in the way your post does!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Guarantee i can make ANY woman squirt

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

I will stamp my feet and scream and scream like a spoilt 5 year old if I don't get a meet....

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

oops, sorry, that is what i think when I read some of them

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"No timewasters

!.does anybody really believe that timewasters reading that will think..ok then I won't"

HAHAHAHA!!!

Actually mae me make that response then you're pictures made me do this

haha. Yeah they must think, "oh but that's me... now I'm torn because I really like this one but I am a time waster... OK this one time I won't do it"

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By *istress ValeporcaCouple
over a year ago

South Yorkshire

'I'm new, I'll fill in later' when you look they've been here a year!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"...I'm not racist just my preference!!

OK I get that everyone has a preference, no need to claim you're not a racist because that in it's self is suspect... Haha

Not really, been accused several times of being racist, so altered my profile to say I'm not.

Have Asian and black friends, just don't find there cultures attractive which I why I don't meet.

What does make me laugh is people suggesting I may be racist, in the way your post does!"

I think if you read someone's profile and get confused between racism and preferences then, you're an idiot haha.

I have a preference but that make me an 'ist'? Haha

I think if you even try and defend yourself it looks worse on the 'defendee' the one thing I would say is to not even bother saying it. to say you don't find someone's culture attractive is really confusing haha.

My post doesn't label anyone a racist it's more of a poke at the morons who go around branding racism on everyone because they are not someone's cup of tea... If I did that every time I got turned down by someone I would be a regular little Adolf!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Passwords. Hence why I take the piss out of them in my own profile

oh... and ditto the Sydney University gibberish.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

I'm a nice genuine guy. I'm not like all the other blokes here.

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

VVWE only.....well good bloody luck then!

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

No bi guys/friends of TV's

and we will employ the services of an ancestry website to check if any family member or friend of said family members has ever watched 'La cage aux folles'

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

No men out side of age range!! Although I may make an exception...

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By *empting Devil.Woman
over a year ago

Sheffield

"No bi guys/friends of TV's

and we will employ the services of an ancestry website to check if any family member or friend of said family members has ever watched 'La cage aux folles'"

That's usually on the profile of someone who messages me to see if I'll arrange a bi guy mmf and include him...

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By *ichelle n big alCouple
over a year ago

Derbys

Cant accomadate. Cant travel ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When we read we will NOT reply to those with no profile picture.. Coming from those with NO profile picture.. Thats a chuckle that one.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

"No bi guys/friends of TV's

and we will employ the services of an ancestry website to check if any family member or friend of said family members has ever watched 'La cage aux folles'

That's usually on the profile of someone who messages me to see if I'll arrange a bi guy mmf and include him...

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By *ichelle n big alCouple
over a year ago

Derbys

"When we read we will NOT reply to those with no profile picture.. Coming from those with NO profile picture.. Thats a chuckle that one.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

straighter than a roman road.....

yet on a well known gay site they have more bends than spaghetti junction

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By *he Happy ManMan
over a year ago

Merseyside

If you have borders on your wallpaper we do not want to meet you

No having a car does not mean you can accommodate.

We will not meet couples who meet single guys.

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

"If you have borders on your wallpaper we do not want to meet you

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By *he Happy ManMan
over a year ago

Merseyside

"No timewasters

!.does anybody really believe that timewasters reading that will think..ok then I won't"

Lol I always think that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 22/01/13 19:26:01]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not interested in men or am straight but their friends list is mostly bi males and tv's

Sorry had to re-write as on phone

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If you have borders on your wallpaper we do not want to meet you"

Y'what?!?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Only people in my age range contact me.. But their verifications are 10 years older/younger

Send me a message, I'll reply

Only contact if you have a face pic and they have to email one

No timewasters

The Legal ramifications one

"Any"message in the next hour will get an honest reply - then no reply..

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By *UNKIEMan
over a year ago

south east

I am straight but orally and playfully bi ,i wont take it up the arse but i'll smash your back doors in oh and would love a meet with a tv .....now remember I'm Straight

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 22/01/13 19:37:13]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"cant accomodate, cant travel" it also makes me laugh when people say "no mingers" when they arent the best looking of people haha

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"No timewasters

!.does anybody really believe that timewasters reading that will think..ok then I won't"

Lol! a bit like that sign that supposedly appeared at LA Airport after 9/11 - a pic of a bomb with a red line through it, 'no bombs past this point'...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Breathes through ears

Needs a snorkel

I dont bite well only if you want me too

Actually they make me roll my eyes more than chuckle.

Or when someone sends a message and says check out my profile so you do and there's nothing on there! ????!

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By *utzzCouple
over a year ago

wrexham

I like when people put "had enough, deleting this soon" and it's there for months. If ya going, don't make a song and dance about it - go! Just fook off! Adios!

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By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago

Scotland - Aberdeen

Or when someone sends a message and says check out my profile so you do and there's nothing on there! ????!

This totally p*sses me off as well

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

when you read we dont like fussy profiles and yet theirs lists a whole heap of dos and donts

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"...I'm not racist just my preference!!

OK I get that everyone has a preference, no need to claim you're not a racist because that in it's self is suspect... Haha

Not really, been accused several times of being racist, so altered my profile to say I'm not.

Have Asian and black friends, just don't find there cultures attractive which I why I don't meet.

What does make me laugh is people suggesting I may be racist, in the way your post does!

I think if you read someone's profile and get confused between racism and preferences then, you're an idiot haha.

I have a preference but that make me an 'ist'? Haha

unfortunately there are some right little hitler's on here as you put it, and that's why some times things needed spelling out on profiles. Defending yourself does not make you racist at all

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

or having a break and half an hour later requesting invites - maybe the break was just going to put on the kettle

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By *ce WingerMan
over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

PEOPLE WHO RANT AND RAVE ABOUT EVERYTHING

WITHOUT PUTTING A SINGLE FULLSTOP INTO ANY OF THEIR INANE RAMBLINGS.

Oh, and overuse of capital letters as well

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By *innamon!Woman
over a year ago

no matter

Straight ! but meets tv/ts for anal sex.. Im not bi !! I dont kiss them or touch their cock ... This one makes me fall about

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By *he Happy ManMan
over a year ago

Merseyside

I love giving women oral sex for hours.

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By *UNKIEMan
over a year ago

south east

We are a profffetionle cpl seeking same

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Unbelievably bad grammar.

Also typing like a 16 year old girl...

Oh how about uses of the phrase "Just saying" to try and justify some stupid comment... "I'm not gay but I like men sucking my cock, Just saying"

Actually these make me angry more than laugh...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have very high standards or even better I just a handful of select ladies

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The phrase 'jog on'. Regardless of whether it applies to me, I always immediately stop reading and look elsewhere.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you cant jump through the 20 hoops i have on my profile dont bother contacting me!!

didn't realise I was auditioning to join the circus!

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By *issBehavingxxWoman
over a year ago

Glasgow

"'I'm new, I'll fill in later' when you look they've been here a year!"

Funnily enough, just saw one of them..... Even had 1 pic on the profile, uploaded in 2008.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am a big bad DOM MALE, (because I have heard of fifty shades of grey but actually, I do not have a clue!!)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A photo that has been altered where you can still see part of the wifes hair on his shoulder lol

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By *ucycuteTV/TS
over a year ago

Lanarkshire

Single males that say they are 'totally straight so will guys stop mailing them as only interested in females only!!!' and then they mail a TV hmmmmmmmm lol x

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By *erendipity99Woman
over a year ago

Runcorn

No mingers from people who are mingers themselves.

To meet me you must, you will do, you must, you will have, you better not do etc

No pic no reply. From people with no pics.

We do not meet singles guys. What is it you singles guys do not get we do not meet singles guys ok? For the last time WE DO NOT MEET single guys. Followed by eight verification's. Seven from singles guys and one from a couple.

Some of the demands on profiles from women and couples are funny. Although to be fair it does go to your ego a bit when you get guys on here constantly telling you how sexy you are. So I can understand why some people go up their own arses and think they are far more beautiful and sexy than they actually are. You soon realise if a female goat came in the chat room some guy would tell it how sexy it is and ask if it wanted to watch him masturbate on cam.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

only those with a tertiary education need apply

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You soon realise if a female goat came in the chat room some guy would tell it how sexy it is and ask if it wanted to watch him masturbate on cam. "

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By *erendipity99Woman
over a year ago

Runcorn

"Single males that say they are 'totally straight so will guys stop mailing them as only interested in females only!!!' and then they mail a TV hmmmmmmmm lol x"

I have a straight male friend from here. He sometimes goes in the chat rooms and goes on cam. He does not masturbate. He does notice a lot of "straight males" look at him on cam and some of these "straight males" ask him if he will get his cock out for him and masturbate.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I am a big bad DOM MALE, (because I have heard of fifty shades of grey but actually, I do not have a clue!!)"

I get that all the bloomin time

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By *erendipity99Woman
over a year ago

Runcorn

Make your reply interesting. How do you know what they will find interesting?

To prove you have read my profile put the word honey in your message.

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By *erendipity99Woman
over a year ago

Runcorn

I love giving woman oral sex. I can breathe through my ears.

I love giving woman oral sex for hours. You must be terrible at it if it takes you hours.

I always put the ladies pleasure before mine.

Unlike some men on here I am not selfish in bed.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"...I'm not racist just my preference!!

OK I get that everyone has a preference, no need to claim you're not a racist because that in it's self is suspect... Haha

My profile states that I do not wish to meet black/asian guys and guess what - I'm not racist, its just that I dont find black/asian men attractive, same as I dont find men with long hair attractive - now does that make me hairist???

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 22/01/13 21:16:43]

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"...I'm not racist just my preference!!

OK I get that everyone has a preference, no need to claim you're not a racist because that in it's self is suspect... Haha

I think you're missing the point... I'm not calling anyone racist haha I'm saying people who feel the need to put that up shouldn't the whole putting it up is what gets peoples back up. I don't put up on my profile I don't want to meet blondes, my preference is brunette or red haired girls...

The whole point is, it's silly and not needed.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Make your reply interesting. How do you know what they will find interesting?

To prove you have read my profile put the word honey in your message. "

Hahaha exactly! What is interesting to me might be useless to someone else!

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By *om.lionheartMan
over a year ago

Kirkby-in-Ashfield

"No timewasters

!.does anybody really believe that timewasters reading that will think..ok then I won't"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't like to cum"

female profile

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Someone put

'been on hear 10 mins and alreddy got a meat'

26 years old and that's how you spell......really????

It was all I could do not to poke my own eyes out.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The rushed cock shot over the toilet makes me laugh, little wifey sitting downstairs whilst he nips up for a sneaky photo

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When people put haha after every sentence. Haha. It really gets on my nerves. Haha

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By *haroninlondonWoman
over a year ago

Bromley

When 10 inches turns to 5 inches.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Something else that made me laugh,

Someone has 2 verifications on their profile, yet the 2 people who have verified have the same pics in their pics??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"When 10 inches turns to 5 inches. "

It is winter, Sharon.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"PEOPLE WHO RANT AND RAVE ABOUT EVERYTHING

WITHOUT PUTTING A SINGLE FULLSTOP INTO ANY OF THEIR INANE RAMBLINGS.

Oh, and overuse of capital letters as well

And of course these people will have a profile heading of 'fun, friendly and laid back'

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By *uriousBristolCplCouple
over a year ago

Bristol

""will fill this bit in later" what the fuck is that about. You've had time to enroll, put in your will do list but havnt got time to elaborate? What's up has hubby just got home from work?"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The amount of straight guys that look at my profile makes me laugh lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"...I'm not racist just my preference!!

OK I get that everyone has a preference, no need to claim you're not a racist because that in it's self is suspect... Haha

No it makes you honest like me, unfortunately some people don't see it that way

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"...I'm not racist just my preference!!

OK I get that everyone has a preference, no need to claim you're not a racist because that in it's self is suspect... Haha

No it makes you honest like me, unfortunately some people don't see it that way"

I do understand where the op is coming from. Fair or not if I see "no black/Asian" I don't give it a second thought: preference. If I see "no black/Asian, I have black and Asian friends and I have a Chinese take away the last Friday every month, so I'm not racist"...I do think "racist".

As I said, it's probably not fair, but hey.

Back on point...on couples profiles: we are a very happy and secure couple with no jealousy issues, did we mention we're a very happy and secure couple, we NEVER meet alone as we're a very happy and secure couple.

Straight but has met a tv, left glowing verification about meeting "this gorgeous lady" and fucking her tight "pussy" and sucking her cock...but straight as an arrow.

Can't accommodate...but happy to meet at yours.

Ranting profiles...from nice, easy going people.

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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

I'm attractive.

Well, great that you are so confident in yourself and that is always a positive, but really, I would like to decide that myself so send me a bloody face pic.

I would never write that on my profile - who am I to decide if I am attractive? I send a face pic and let others decide if they think I am. If they don't fancy me then so what? Doesn't make me ugly, just not their cup of tea.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I just saw someone doing a snow angel naked in his pics.... brilliant, made me laugh!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

White people only im/we're not racist its just my/our preference definitely something not rite there

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Not meeting at the moment". Is it just not easier to hide your profile.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"PEOPLE WHO RANT AND RAVE ABOUT EVERYTHING

WITHOUT PUTTING A SINGLE FULLSTOP INTO ANY OF THEIR INANE RAMBLINGS.

Oh, and overuse of capital letters as well

(Pet hate of mine, in case you hadn't guessed....

)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

""Not meeting at the moment". Is it just not easier to hide your profile.

Ditto, except they keep looking at our profile...... WTF is that about if you're 'not meeting'...????

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

""Not meeting at the moment". Is it just not easier to hide your profile.

No not really , what would make a difference is if people read profile

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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

"PEOPLE WHO RANT AND RAVE ABOUT EVERYTHING

WITHOUT PUTTING A SINGLE FULLSTOP INTO ANY OF THEIR INANE RAMBLINGS.

Oh, and overuse of capital letters as well

(Pet hate of mine, in case you hadn't guessed....

)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Must be bareback"

So silly

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By *issHottieBottieWoman
over a year ago

Kent

I had a message from a guy saying he was straight then when I looked at his profile he said in the text something along the lines of 'I'm straight but I have been fucked by a guy and given/recieved oral' and every pic was of him bent over with his arse cheeks spread!

I've seen a few profiles that say please don't keep looking at my/our profile if you have no intention of meeting. Does it matter??

Also the people who say they are good looking.. Matter of perception lol.

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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

Also the people who say they are good looking.. Matter of perception lol. "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Also the people who say they are good looking.. Matter of perception lol. "

Indeed. The words 'beauty' and 'beholder' spring to mind...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I had a message from a guy saying he was straight then when I looked at his profile he said in the text something along the lines of 'I'm straight but I have been fucked by a guy and given/recieved oral' and every pic was of him bent over with his arse cheeks spread!

I've seen a few profiles that say please don't keep looking at my/our profile if you have no intention of meeting. Does it matter??

Also the people who say they are good looking.. Matter of perception lol. "

Always makes me laugh when people say please don't look at my/our profile and not contact us, we know you are looking type thing!

Erm you can _iew them without them knowing!

And what are they going to do if you _iew them 20 times in a row (visibly), grab you through the screen and tell you not to

I personally hate seeing:

We are not looking for single men if/and when we do we know were to find you!

Also we are not into ping pong messages, we prefer to meet etc

Yet in the profile it says we like to take the time to get to know our meets first before we play, how are they going to do that then with no contact haha

(added the haha for the poster above

)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh and to all the paranoid "straight" men, just because a bloke has _iewed your profile does not mean they are bi/gay.

Advice given on here is to look at other profiles to see if you can improve/change your own.

So stop being paranoid!

Unless of course they message, do you wanna suck my cock? Then perhaps you are right to worry.

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By *issHottieBottieWoman
over a year ago

Kent

"Oh and to all the paranoid "straight" men, just because a bloke has _iewed your profile does not mean they are bi/gay.

Advice given on here is to look at other profiles to see if you can improve/change your own.

So stop being paranoid!

Unless of course they message, do you wanna suck my cock? Then perhaps you are right to worry.

Nice to see you back xxxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Oh and to all the paranoid "straight" men, just because a bloke has _iewed your profile does not mean they are bi/gay.

Advice given on here is to look at other profiles to see if you can improve/change your own.

So stop being paranoid!

Unless of course they message, do you wanna suck my cock? Then perhaps you are right to worry.

Make a change from the fancy a f&$k message

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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

I've seen a few profiles that say please don't keep looking at my/our profile if you have no intention of meeting. Does it matter??

Also the people who say they are good looking.. Matter of perception lol.

Always makes me laugh when people say please don't look at my/our profile and not contact us, we know you are looking type thing!

Erm you can _iew them without them knowing!

And what are they going to do if you _iew them 20 times in a row (visibly), grab you through the screen and tell you not to

I personally hate seeing:

We are not looking for single men if/and when we do we know were to find you!

Also we are not into ping pong messages, we prefer to meet etc

Yet in the profile it says we like to take the time to get to know our meets first before we play, how are they going to do that then with no contact haha

(added the haha for the poster above

) "

Unless you look at their profile and read that you shouldn't actually read their profile how would you know - and then you have 'broken' their rule of reading their profile when they stated not to read their profile ... erm. Me head aches now!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've seen a few profiles that say please don't keep looking at my/our profile if you have no intention of meeting. Does it matter??

Also the people who say they are good looking.. Matter of perception lol.

Always makes me laugh when people say please don't look at my/our profile and not contact us, we know you are looking type thing!

Erm you can _iew them without them knowing!

And what are they going to do if you _iew them 20 times in a row (visibly), grab you through the screen and tell you not to

I personally hate seeing:

We are not looking for single men if/and when we do we know were to find you!

Also we are not into ping pong messages, we prefer to meet etc

Yet in the profile it says we like to take the time to get to know our meets first before we play, how are they going to do that then with no contact haha

(added the haha for the poster above

)

And mine!

You must need a lie down! You don't actually read profiles do you?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Oh and to all the paranoid "straight" men, just because a bloke has _iewed your profile does not mean they are bi/gay.

Advice given on here is to look at other profiles to see if you can improve/change your own.

So stop being paranoid!

Unless of course they message, do you wanna suck my cock? Then perhaps you are right to worry.

Make a change from the fancy a f&$k message

Fancy a f*ck from a man to another man you mean? A straight one where any hole is a goal

I suppose it would be more polite to say, can you suck my cock and then bend over, don't you think?

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

people who used to be the same age as you, then become years younger.......

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Oh and to all the paranoid "straight" men, just because a bloke has _iewed your profile does not mean they are bi/gay.

Advice given on here is to look at other profiles to see if you can improve/change your own.

So stop being paranoid!

Unless of course they message, do you wanna suck my cock? Then perhaps you are right to worry.

Nice to see you back xxxx "

Wanna suck my cock? Lol xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Oh and to all the paranoid "straight" men, just because a bloke has _iewed your profile does not mean they are bi/gay.

Advice given on here is to look at other profiles to see if you can improve/change your own.

So stop being paranoid!

Unless of course they message, do you wanna suck my cock? Then perhaps you are right to worry.

Make a change from the fancy a f&$k message

Fancy a f*ck from a man to another man you mean? A straight one where any hole is a goal

I suppose it would be more polite to say, can you suck my cock and then bend over, don't you think?

Hahaha, depends how polite they are.

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By *issHottieBottieWoman
over a year ago

Kent

[Removed by poster at 23/01/13 12:45:01]

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By *issHottieBottieWoman
over a year ago

Kent

"Oh and to all the paranoid "straight" men, just because a bloke has _iewed your profile does not mean they are bi/gay.

Advice given on here is to look at other profiles to see if you can improve/change your own.

So stop being paranoid!

Unless of course they message, do you wanna suck my cock? Then perhaps you are right to worry.

Nice to see you back xxxx

Wanna suck my cock? Lol xxx"

Bring it on!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Oh and to all the paranoid "straight" men, just because a bloke has _iewed your profile does not mean they are bi/gay.

Advice given on here is to look at other profiles to see if you can improve/change your own.

So stop being paranoid!

Unless of course they message, do you wanna suck my cock? Then perhaps you are right to worry.

One of the first messages I got was from a 'straight' lad asking if I wanted my cock sucking

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By *londeCazWoman
over a year ago

Arse End of the Universe, Cumbria

"No bi guys/friends of TV's

and we will employ the services of an ancestry website to check if any family member or friend of said family members has ever watched 'La cage aux folles'"

Don't forget Priscilla, Queen of the Desert

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By *ourbonKissMan
over a year ago

a land up north..... of leicester

"No timewasters

!.does anybody really believe that timewasters reading that will think..ok then I won't"

In my experience, its these people that are timewasters

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By *irtydanMan
over a year ago

Blackpool

"Guarantee i can make ANY woman squirt"
lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The phrase 'jog on'. Regardless of whether it applies to me, I always immediately stop reading and look elsewhere."

Doesn't make me laugh, makes me think of the sort of person who sees themselves as a straight talker, but is normally unbelievably opinionated based on their years of research in Hello and OK magazine

I too "jog on" as soon as I see those two words as I know immediately we are not going to get along!

An a humourous note, people who describe themselves as Kinky and they clearly aren't

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

a page of do`s and donts

i stop reading after paragraph 1 of 6 and its...

NEXXXXT!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh and people who have "don't add us as friends until we've had a chat"

The reason you know it says that on their profile is they've just sent you a friend invite so you've opened their profile to have a look!

Also

I can't begin to remember all the people who've sent us winks who then have "don't send us winks, because if you can't be bothered to write a message you're not for us!" ummmmm ok delete

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By *stwoCouple
over a year ago

anywhere

the profile says we wont meet smokers.they message us we point that out then they say they do meet smokers.very odd

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By *arnayguyMan
over a year ago

Durham Tees

Men who put

'That was my first bi experience with another guy and since then I HAVE NEVER LOOKED BACK.'

I bet you fucking have looked back mate, just before you squeal!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I am very good looking".... They then send the dreaded face picture and inside I'm thinking "the only person who could've possibly told you that is your mother"

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By *teve oneilMan
over a year ago

manchester

I'm fussy who I fuck.....with 67 veri's...

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"Unbelievably bad grammar.

Also typing like a 16 year old girl...

Oh how about uses of the phrase "Just saying" to try and justify some stupid comment... "I'm not gay but I like men sucking my cock, Just saying"

Actually these make me angry more than laugh... "

Men who equate the infantile ramblings of their own gender to 16 year old girls.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm fussy who I fuck.....with 67 veri's..."

Hey, one persons 'fussy' is another persons 'pussy'...or so the saying goes!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"the profile says we wont meet smokers.they message us we point that out then they say they do meet smokers.very odd"

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By *lderguy4funMan
over a year ago

ROTHERHAM

WOMEN who only want VWE OR BBC not all black guys have a big cock they only the same as us white guys lol all have diff sizes

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By *lderguy4funMan
over a year ago

ROTHERHAM

wont meet smokers then wen you meet them they gets there fags out lol

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By *lderguy4funMan
over a year ago

ROTHERHAM

wont meet smokers then wen you meet them they gets there fags out lol same as they have non smokers and the first thing they do is lit up wen you meet very funny

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When people say "I/we prefer trimmed or shaved on potential meets" yet when you check out their pics they're clearly harbouring what could only be described as Jurassic park in their pants!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"When people say "I/we prefer trimmed or shaved on potential meets" yet when you check out their pics they're clearly harbouring what could only be described as Jurassic park in their pants!!

A dinosaur?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"knows how to use it"

Well you'd hope so wouldn't you?!

And agree with the 'find people of a certain race unattractive, but I'm not racist' lines (and the reverse for that matter)

Also 'not looking' and yet they've just _iewed your profile

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My favourite is I had a great night you know who you are. Why not message them direct?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Try me fuck house in Bramley.

That's genuinely something a member had for his profile.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I am a big bad DOM MALE, (because I have heard of fifty shades of grey but actually, I do not have a clue!!)

I get that all the bloomin time"

You will call me "Lord Master Sir MassivePorksword" and will kneel at my feet with my other slaves unless I select you to shag some of my Dom friends.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have medical issues and need help from a woman (not my wife) to satisfy me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I like the "don't" profiles as in don't wink ( well of course you do then) don't send friends requests ( Again you just have to send one) don't message without a face picture so again you don't send one. I think the don't profiles make people do the opposite half the time.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Another that gets us is...

Please mention the word ( ) in you message title so we know you have read our profile..

What if we didnt mention it but instead told you all about what you like and dont like ..

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By *vana sukalotWoman
over a year ago

In a land of make believe (Derby)

""I am very good looking".... They then send the dreaded face picture and inside I'm thinking "the only person who could've possibly told you that is your mother"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

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By *un KnightsCouple
over a year ago

South West

Thomas the tank engine picture in sp4_couple profile. Love the pixelation made us smile our sense of humour.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

""I am very good looking".... They then send the dreaded face picture and inside I'm thinking "the only person who could've possibly told you that is your mother"

... Right before she dropped them on their heads......

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My favourite is I had a great night you know who you are. Why not message them direct?

Dont think they can send a message to themselves

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By *lackshadow7Man
over a year ago

Toronto

"I am straight but orally and playfully bi ,i wont take it up the arse but i'll smash your back doors in oh and would love a meet with a tv .....now remember I'm Straight

I have tears in my eyes from laughing too hard!

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