FabSwingers.com forum: You’re own image of yourself compared to others image of you.

By *iddlesticks OP Man
over a year ago

My nan’s spare room.

I say I was bi, on account that I’ve had sexual shenanigans with men, although I do fancy women an awful lot more than men; but I regularly get comments about being manly and the like.

What makes a man’s man, is it ten pints down the social club with your mates on a Friday night before the football on a Saturday.

I’d say I have a soft side to me, but I’d say I’m more manly than not.

I know it’s about being yourself, and I’m very happy with myself, I suppose the question is,

Do you think you’re own image of yourself is the same as others image of yourself.

I don’t think that makes sense but there you go.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *andyfloss2000Woman
over a year ago

ashford

I think so these days yes! When younger deffo not! I married young at 16 had a abusive marriage! The physical abuse was easy ish but the mental abuse stayed with me for years! For 16 years in that marriage I was told I was fat ugly and stupid! And bizarre as it sounds I believed that! The stupid bit was probably true tbh my mum told me I was stupid growing up! Lol but I've learnt to love myself like others love me nowadays x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nope we never view ourselves from others eyes especially from a physical point of view. We focus on what we think are flaws and negative feelings about ourselves and our bodies. A lot more people would have confidence on theirselves if they saw from others eyes.

Who you are as a person is a little different. Everyone we meet will have a different view of who we are based on what we decide to show them. Some get only the good, others will get the bad and the ugly too if they are close to us.

Ultimately that's all it is just an image, a snippet of you for the world to see. Opinions will always be temporary but only yourself knows who you truly are I believe.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rooperRedMan
over a year ago

Littlehampton

I've done a bit of coaching around narratives, and it's really interesting in this context. What we think of as "ourselves" is just a narrative, a story, built on our own experiences and what we perceive from others.

Some people get stuck in a negative narrative, especially if you hear someone say "I don't know how to change this." It's like having to sit through the final season of Game of Thrones. We don't like the narrative but we're unable to change it.

Breaking free of that negative narrative and creating a new one can be really tricky, but it's definitely possible. You can be a "manly man" based on your own criteria. Personally, I think a "manly man" is someone who's independent and able to look after themselves, regardless of any perceived "female" or "softer" traits. But that's my own definition.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I know my image of myself is vastly different to what others think of me. I'm often surprised by what people say about me

good and bad.

Not a thing I can do about it so I just carry on

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *TG3Man
over a year ago

Dorchester

The image i would imagine i have on here is not the image i think i am, I'm hilarious and kind and generous i get on better with women than men, my ex would say i flirt with other women i don't I'm loyal to who I'm with but I'm friendly and tend to chat to women more than men

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

I know people find me difficult to judge and I've never felt the need to change that. It amuses me the assumptions people make about me. There are a couple of people who get me and that for me is enough.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *WALKinkCouple
over a year ago

Eastbourne

I'm not a confident person with my looks. I'm much more confident now that I've met L, she really helps me a lot. I'm often still amazed at how she finds me attractive.

She, on the other hand, has the most striking eyes! Like me, not so body confident, but she's so....

We do sometimes feel intimidated both others with say more muscles or a flatter stomach, but then we realise what we have and that doesn't matter. We're fun even of we are a bit chunky or a bit older. But we are certainly naughtier...

What was the question again??

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *oyahandrussCouple
over a year ago

Nr Rugby

My imagination is amazing so I spend lots of time imagining.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ommyTighMan
over a year ago

Edinburgh

As conceited as this may sound - so long as I’m a decent considerate person to others - how I’m perceived by other, I do not give a fuck. I know my worth and know I’m a kind decent person, if you can’t see that fair enough.

I have been asked if I’m gay several times but again I don’t care! I have varied interests, pints, wine, gin, football, pubs, shopping) - I’m happy with how I behave and portray myself and generally get positive feedback - all good!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's complicated.

I have two 'selfs'. Well obviously I don't really but it does feel like that. Scott is just Scott. Muddles along, a bit socially awkward relatively low self esteem, but is told by others that he is kind and friendly.

Jennie is an escape from Scott on some levels. Used to be a secretive, self loathing escape. But in recent years and in a large part due to Fab Jennie's confidence and self worth had grown exponentially. Still a little taken aback occasionally by what others say about her. It would seem many people on here have a better opinion of Jennie than Jennie has of Jennie.

Which is nice x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm totally different to what people think I am

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm totally different to what people think I am "

You're better x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm totally different to what people think I am

You're worse x"

FTFY

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Whatever people think I’m like, they’re probably right.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *TG3Man
over a year ago

Dorchester

"I'm totally indifferent to what people think I am "
how can you be

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

No idea what other peoples genuine image of me is so I can't compare and contrast.

What I see in myself is someone with the courage of my convictions.

I'm not naturally confrontational but I don't ever give in to peer pressure and never have done.

I've never tasted alcohol or smoked a cigarette despite all my friends doing so because I wanted to be my own person.

I've never followed fashion for the same reason.

On here I often go against the grain. Mostly because I stick to my own opinions and I rarely change but sometimes because I don't want to follow the herd.

I've been told here that people admire me for all of the above but I've also been told by others that people think I'm boring or a dick for all of the above too.

Either way I'm happy to continue as I am.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *elix SightedMan
over a year ago

Cloud 8

"It's complicated.

Which is nice x

Love this! For what it’s worth, Jennie comes across as kind, considerate, compassionate, funny, filthy, occasionally outrageous but always beautiful inside and out.

I suspect Scott is actually the same

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

"I'm totally different to what people think I am "

I see through your facade

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I suspect Scott is actually the same

Less beautiful

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *elix SightedMan
over a year ago

Cloud 8

I believe my own image of Felix is vastly different from everyone else’s.

Many times before I have said I dislike everything about my body. I use my very strange sense of humour to engage with people (which I feel usually misses the mark) and be the friendly guy people rarely fancy. I’m appreciated but never lusted after. I’ve even been out with women I consider beautiful and been continually surprised by how much they like me.

I am occasionally serious but never feel listened to (not just on fab). I am terminally single despite believing I’m actually quite dateable.

My main issue is that I can never organise and articulate my thoughts. That can be immensely frustrating.

The reality, I have no doubt, is that others’ view of me is much more positive. And I am told that by some truly lovely people on fab, which gives me hope.

I’m a hugely complicated person and I don’t think anyone truly gets me.

Phew! What an unload!!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I believe my own image of Felix is vastly different from everyone else’s.

I am occasionally serious but never feel listened to (not just on fab). I am terminally single despite believing I’m actually quite dateable.

My main issue is that I can never organise and articulate my thoughts. That can be immensely frustrating.

The reality, I have no doubt, is that others’ view of me is much more positive. And I am told that by some truly lovely people on fab, which gives me hope.

I’m a hugely complicated person and I don’t think anyone truly gets me.

Phew! What an unload!! "

Some will get you more than you think x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Phew! What an unload!! "

Tissue?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm totally different to what people think I am

I see through your facade

Time for a face-lift then

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

"I'm totally different to what people think I am

I see through your facade

Time for a face-lift then

You shaving off the beard??

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *elix SightedMan
over a year ago

Cloud 8

Phew! What an unload!!

Tissue?"

Haha! Ironic that I’ve just posted on the wanking thread!!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm totally different to what people think I am

I see through your facade

Time for a face-lift then

You shaving off the beard??

It's itchy

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *oo..Woman
over a year ago

Boo's World

100% guarantee other people see me as one thing when in reality I'm much different.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan
over a year ago

Den of Iniquity

An interesting question Fiddles ...

I can't recall anyone I've met in here who's said I'm different to what I am in the forums ..

And btw I'm with you in the bi thing , I'm exactly the same ...

I perceive myself as a chilled out no bullshit kinda guy who's probably a bit too soft with idiots sometimes but I'm always willing to hear if I'm perceived differently by others

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

I don't see myself in the way others see me at all. And I know that can be frustrating for people who care about me.

I'm amazed when people even like me, let alone *like* me or love me. Because I don't see anything worth that.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *untimes wantedMan
over a year ago

Huddersfield

Went through a period of self hatred and body conscious due to some nasty scars following a bad accident and piling on weight due to not being phyically active.

classed myself as a freak did not help years ago dispite being told about the scars on my body one guy went pale and left when he saw them.

To me it just confirmed what i saw about myself.got withdrawn and stopped going out.

The scars faded i lost most of the weight met a great guy who gave me my self confidence back.

These days if i am to describe myself i just think i am an average older guy a bit battle worn ,but a lot wiser in life that cares about other people and enjoy the simpler things in life.

I once saw a quote can't remember where.

"There are people who think they know me and friends who know who i am"

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *otsossieMan
over a year ago

Chesterfield

"It's itchy "

I think it’s the weather. I had a chunk taken off at the barbers and tbh it’s ruined it.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't care much for many people knowing me well, my story, my current mood, my pity fails, my successes, therefore they can live with their own assumptions about me and crumbs of knowledge I give away. The few people who know me well see things I know about myself already. Both good and bad. And take me as I am.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m always genuinely surprised at the way others see me, I feel like that’s not who I really am at all.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *mf123Man
over a year ago

with one foot out the door

Depends on the day somedays i think im a dick others think im delightful and otherdays i think im delightful and others think im a dick either way my goal is to get to tomorrow

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *he love catsCouple
over a year ago

South Wales

I always feel negative and about my looks, my personality etc how I am seen by others although I shouldn't really, whereas the Mr just goes through life without worrying about any of this. So I do probably see myself differently to others.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ittlebirdWoman
over a year ago

The Big Smoke

"It's complicated.

Which is nice x

Which is nice… As is Jennie. And Scott

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ntrigued32Couple
over a year ago

Nottingham

This is deep for a Monday Fiddles.

I'm not really sure how others see me. I can guarantee it's not the same as how I See myself.

There are very few people who actually see me. And that's more than enough!

Jo.Xx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ittlebirdWoman
over a year ago

The Big Smoke

It’s a great post darling OP.

I like me but I’m always shocked when people call me sexy. I don’t think I am, although I’m trying to get there

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I always thought I was ugly when I was young and girls didn’t fancy me. Then over the years I got to fancy men but did nothing about it.

Eventually I started dressing and going out to pubs and fetish nights dressed as a woman. It seemed that I was more attractive to men when dressed. And those who did see me in man mode did say that I was far more attractive in fem mode.

Now I’m happy with me in man mode and still enjoy being dressed fem occasionally !!!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *heGateKeeperMan
over a year ago

Stratford

I remember reading or hearing that everyone you have ever met has a different perception of you, so you exist in 1000 forms and different guises

Certainly helps to worry a lot less about the individual opinions of others as much

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *2000ManMan
over a year ago

Worthing

Others perception of me, here and elsewhere, is very different to my private persona.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

I'm happy with myself, regardless of the fact I'm greyer, less in shape, creakier in certain joints and whilst always aware that Fox is considerably younger than me physically we're probably the same age mentally - if not me a little younger!

I'm definitely far less of a twat than I was in my twenties and thirties. Wiser, more astute and definitely more socially aware.

As for job others see me? I used to worry a lot. These days I honestly couldn't give a fuck, bar close family and friends. Take me or leave me - either way is fine, as I gave up worrying about the opinions and views of total strangers long ago. It's a far less stressful life to lead.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *estarossa.Woman
over a year ago

Flagrante

No, I don't think it is.

I am far less than the impression I give.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

"Others perception of me, here and elsewhere, is very different to my private persona."

Why is that ? You’re a private person ? I totally get that with fab life, but what aren’t you telling US!?

I try not to form opinions of people I don’t know , it’s pointless isn’t it. I’m nosey so I’ll just ask if I want to know what someone is like and then pay extra special attention to the bits they don’t mention.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I sometimes think I’m fat, sometimes people call me thicc. I wish I was taller, guys like my height. I often think I’ve messed up my makeup, women ask me for tips. It’s all perspective and never fixed.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I I wish I was taller, "

I wish I was a baller

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ittlemiss Hal O weenCouple
over a year ago

Southampton

"I'm totally different to what people think I am "

You mean you really have googly eyes for eyes? Lol...

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *odgerMooreMan
over a year ago

Fulwood

I suspect some people on here think im a clown all the time because of the inane comments I leave on threads for hopefully the amusement of some. In reality I was a moderately successful professional musician and now moderately successful in my 2nd career - i just come here to unwind and chat to people. Occasionally I will feel a connection enough to want to meet .. im confident in my own Skin and independent - i like being soc ial but I don’t need it. Thats my take on me.

Long time dead so enjoy the living bit cx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm totally different to what people think I am

You mean you really have googly eyes for eyes? Lol..."

Yup

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ily WhiteWoman
over a year ago

I can't do anything about other people's perceptions of me, at least not without being untrue to myself or false, so I don't worry about it.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ittlemiss Hal O weenCouple
over a year ago

Southampton

It very much depends on the state of my mind , when I'm not in a good place I'm very negative think I'm fat ( tbf I am very overweight but it's coming off slowly) ugly, stupid etc... and other times I remind myself that I am kind, caring and funny.. still find it funny being called sexy though

that said I think my confidence has grown being on here

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *oanne ETV/TS
over a year ago

Near Warrington

I'm okay with my image of myself, it's because I have a magic mirror and it makes me look gorgeous (rather than the growler I really am)

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eliWoman
over a year ago

I think someone else's image of me is just that. An image. Not necessarily accurate or inaccurate, just a snapshot of what they've seen, influenced by their own perception and biases. There are very few people who really know me on here - maybe one or two? And I'm happy with that.

Sometimes I'm surprised with how another perceives me. But then I try and remember, it's just their perception. It doesn't change me.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ittlemiss Hal O weenCouple
over a year ago

Southampton

"I'm totally different to what people think I am

You mean you really have googly eyes for eyes? Lol...

Yup"

I think I need proof

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

"I'm totally different to what people think I am

I see through your facade

Time for a face-lift then

You shaving off the beard??

It's itchy "

So are my pubes, but I'm leaving them

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's complicated.

Which is nice x

Aw I love this x I have a friend on here who is CD and I love how fab provides a platform for people to be themselves, or a version of themselves and explore that, and be received (for the most part) positively x I’m definitely more myself on fab than anywhere else.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

No I don't think my own image is as people see me.

I personally think I'm boring, quiet and too much of a people pleaser and generally ok in the looks department.

Others seem to think I'm intelligent

(more fool them), polite and some even say I'm hot

Sometimes I do wish I could see myself through others eyes, especially the Mr's, sometimes I've no idea what he sees in me to be honest.

Mrs

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've no idea how others perceive me, but I do know that my friends think I'm a good person, and that's what counts to me.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

Re-reading the OP, I'm getting rather hot around the collar thinking of your "sexual shenanigans" with men

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

I don’t really care what other people think of me.

I’m an absolute fucking idiot, anyone who thinks differently is wrong. Although I am friendly.

The mr

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *odgerMooreMan
over a year ago

Fulwood

"It's complicated.

Which is nice x

I have some experience working with TV’s when i was a musician and they all had something in common - they looked amazing ‘dressed’ and women audience members used to always say - fuck i wish i had those legs and they looked amazing - but in civvies ( not dressed). They were some of the best looking guys ive seen - I had some great nights in their company… I bet Scott is the same - sickeningly good looking and very humble - I love Jennies posts on here!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eadinthecloudsMan
over a year ago

Manchester

I'm not even sure what other people think of me so I don't have the foggiest. Saying that I don't really care either so I'm happy to just be myself.

Also. OP. It's manly to have emotions

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *hrista BellendWoman
over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

Yes it is. I'm pretty transparent and stable and have met enough people on here, to know what they think of me is pretty consistent across the board

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think so these days yes! When younger deffo not! I married young at 16 had a abusive marriage! The physical abuse was easy ish but the mental abuse stayed with me for years! For 16 years in that marriage I was told I was fat ugly and stupid! And bizarre as it sounds I believed that! The stupid bit was probably true tbh my mum told me I was stupid growing up! Lol but I've learnt to love myself like others love me nowadays x"

Sorry to hear that

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eadinthecloudsMan
over a year ago

Manchester

Would be interested to hear if anyone has a preconceived opinion of me. Won't judge.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ittlemiss Hal O weenCouple
over a year ago

Southampton

"Would be interested to hear if anyone has a preconceived opinion of me. Won't judge.

Hard to say without chatting but you sound fun

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eadinthecloudsMan
over a year ago

Manchester

"Would be interested to hear if anyone has a preconceived opinion of me. Won't judge.

Hard to say without chatting but you sound fun

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually

I'm always fascinated by the fact that everyone interprets reality in a different way. The way I see myself will never exactly match the way someone else sees me.

That said, I'm pretty upfront and straightforward with who I am. I think the basic perception of a giant goth who dresses like a whore is fairly universal, and I make no secrets about what I do. But as to how warm or cold I am to people, whether I'm hot, cute, ugly or whatever, my overall worth as a person, that's always in flux, between other minds and through time in my own mind.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ittlemiss Hal O weenCouple
over a year ago

Southampton

"Would be interested to hear if anyone has a preconceived opinion of me. Won't judge.

Hard to say without chatting but you sound fun

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *hrek101Man
over a year ago

Herts

I really like my myself people seem to like me back, often told I'm a flirt and charmer but don't see it or try to be. Looks I know are subjective how people view you but I think I'm fugly others have said opposite. I just try and be positive person in the world, some people will like you others won't.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I really don’t know how others view me and maybe that’s for the best.

Only a few people have ever really got close to knowing me.

How I come across and portray myself is different from how I view myself too.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *aggonerMan
over a year ago

for a penny

I have no idea how others see me and it’s an issue for them really. But I like to think that people who know me see me as I am. I don’t try to project a particular image: if I did I would keep changing my mind and spoil it. So best keep it simple.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *uriousscouserWoman
over a year ago

Wirral

I told a FWB at the weekend that a huge fear of mine was that he'd see me the way I see myself.

He sees me in a far more flattering way than I do!

I'm always interested in work when we do 360 degree appraisals. I like to put a lot of thought into the feedback I receive, to fully understand why I give someone the impression of me that they have. The further apart their comments are from my own view of myself the more interesting I find the exercise.

Online is a very different matter, because people see a tiny little glimpse of my opinion so I wouldn't expect anyone to be able to form a realistic picture from that - it will always be a view that is far removed from reality.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My self worth is high

My body image is low

I think that others see someone who is kind of heart, considerate, thoughtful and decent on one hand but cynical and potentially abrupt on the other

I think I am possibly a bit tame / boring for some - being a non-drinker and kinda non-social adds to that

I don't think I ooze sex appeal in the conventional sense, but I do think I have 'something'

The thing is I rarely see it if someone does spot that and I generally miss the vibe by a country mile

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread