FabSwingers.com forum: Life in the Friend Zone

By *hrek101 OP Man
over a year ago

Herts

So dumped again this morning by someone I really liked. As usual tell me I'm so nice, told me things they haven't told anyone else but just don't fancy me but love to stay friends.

Anyone else feel they are destined for the Friendzone forever more?

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By *ezebel100Woman
over a year ago

Birmingham

I've been Friendzoned by someone, it totally sucks. Would be happy to sleep with me, but I'm not going down that route, not when I would want more.

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By *nkyCplCouple
over a year ago

Northampton

Sorry dude, utterly pants being dumped.

Cliched, but you’ll find your person.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've been friendzoned a few times. It's not the best feeling in the world but there isn't much you can do about it other than accept it.

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By *aggonerMan
over a year ago

for a penny

Friends.

mmmmm……

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I live in the friend zone.

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By *4bimMan
over a year ago

Farnborough Hampshire

Difficult to know what to do in every situation.

The only way not be friendzoned is do not always be available to them. Stop being the ear for her.

Does she only contact you when she's down or unhappy with another men etc?

Your a friend nothing more.

It pains me to say I have lost contact and been blocked by some beautiful, lovely women who I wanted to meet.

But when you know your just a outlet for them to vent you are never going to get what youd like.

As I say, one woman in particular I liked a lot, she even contacted me when I returned here, I regret letting her go but the position was clear and she was hurt by my decision to move from her.

If burning desire is not equal on both sides to engage in sex, you will be friendzoned and ultimately unhappy.

Good luck, god bless. I know it hurts

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By *hilloutMan
over a year ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest

It's preferable being friend zoned in an honest manner rather than being strung along with false hope / expectations.

I sometimes wonder if for the one friend zoned, it's not preferable to just cut ties / stop interacting if your feelings for that person are still very strong.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

At least you know.

Imagine they would have breadcrumb you instead

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Take a seat mate, tell me what you want to watch on the tellybox, we will make you a tea, we all live here OP

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So dumped again this morning by someone I really liked. As usual tell me I'm so nice, told me things they haven't told anyone else but just don't fancy me but love to stay friends.

Anyone else feel they are destined for the Friendzone forever more?"

Not the friendzone for me, I am the placeholder

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By *hrek101 OP Man
over a year ago

Herts

"It's preferable being friend zoned in an honest manner rather than being strung along with false hope / expectations.

I sometimes wonder if for the one friend zoned, it's not preferable to just cut ties / stop interacting if your feelings for that person are still very strong."

I agree glad she was honest so soon just disappointed I guess. Is what it is. Just feel like FZ is all I will now sometimes.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's preferable being friend zoned in an honest manner rather than being strung along with false hope / expectations.

I sometimes wonder if for the one friend zoned, it's not preferable to just cut ties / stop interacting if your feelings for that person are still very strong."

Totally agree with that guy.

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By *lexanderSupertrampMan
over a year ago

Gourock

It's happened to me and I just respect their decision

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was the "almost girl.* Almost the one they chose. Almost loved. Almost but not quite what they wanted.

The one they filled their time with until they thought they had a better offer.

I stopped allowing myself to be that girl. I set boundaries. And I stopped deluding myself.

If its not mutual in effort and in attention, affection or time then it's not enough.

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By *lexanderSupertrampMan
over a year ago

Gourock

If its not mutual in effort and in attention, affection or time then it's not enough. "

I think that's the key, it must be mutual from both sides

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've been put I the friendzone and I friendzone ppl quite often.

It's not a great feeling on either end but I understand why it needs to be done.

I'd rather someone park me in the friend zone than string me along to the point that I'm thinking we're building or working towards something.

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

I don't see being 'friend zoned' as anything negative.

In a previous, somewhat 'Tate' style thread someone said they didn't date women and only used them for sex as they didn't want to run the risk of ever being friendzoned, and that men were weak willed for 'allowing' women to 'use' them to do things for them with the false hope of sex as bait.

What's wrong with being friends? Not everyone you have romantic feelings for will feel the same. Not everyone you want to fuck will either. No doubt there are people that are attracted to you either physically or emotionally that you may not even be aware of and you may not feel the same about them.

Why is the 'friend zone' perceived as a negative place to be? I'd love more friends. I suspect many (not all obvs - some people just don't like other people

) of us would.

If people stopped thinking of it in a negative way and considered the benefit of friendship as opposed to the downside of not being able to fuck someone or be in a relationship with them, then maybe we'd all be a little happier?

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

^^ saved me writing it.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

It's threads like this that prevent me from being friendly to men

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By *obilebottomMan
over a year ago

All over

You can never have too many friends.

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

"I don't see being 'friend zoned' as anything negative.

Why is the 'friend zone' perceived as a negative place to be? I'd love more friends. I suspect many (not all obvs - some people just don't like other people

) of us would.

Very much this.

I also don't really believe in the friendzone and think it has slightly icky connotations.

But...

Op, you're hurting. I imagine it's crap when someone you like/fancy doesn't see you in that way. But she was honest - is your friendship affected now?

You'll find a person who doesn't want to be friends - wants something else. I'm not going to say just because it's that whole discounting friendship as a valid, strong relationship. It's not the one you wanted though - you'll find someone where those feelings are matched. It might take time but it will happen, x

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By *esafinadOHolyNightMan
over a year ago

Belfast

"So dumped again this morning by someone I really liked. As usual tell me I'm so nice, told me things they haven't told anyone else but just don't fancy me but love to stay friends.

Anyone else feel they are destined for the Friendzone forever more?"

Dated a woman 13 years my senior all last year, broke up in vietnam in January, 2nd day into a months holiday. "Its not you it's me" although I'm apparently "too nice" as well. Now we're friends and we work together and it's a shit situation to be in. Still, back to single life for me and I'm not gonna let myself fall for anyone again anytime soon.

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By *rder66Man
over a year ago

Tatooine

I don't expect anything more then friends of fwb.

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By *ansoffateMan
over a year ago

Sagittarius A

"I've been put I the friendzone and I friendzone ppl quite often.

It's not a great feeling on either end but I understand why it needs to be done.

I'd rather someone park me in the friend zone than string me along to the point that I'm thinking we're building or working towards something. "

Agree with this entirely. Even if it's a don't know thing be straight up about it.

Not sure I agree with the term friend zone entirely because anyone I have sex with will start as friend 9/10.

For me it's more well if you can't be honest with me what does that mean in terms of a friendship? I value friends over sex anyway.

Sorry it didn't work out OP.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

This is a serious question. If a man is friendly towards me, I like him and am friendly back do either of us need to make it clear that it's no more than friendship?

I understand that the op is upset because he was in a sexual relationship that the woman ended and wanted to remain friends so my question is slightly at a tangent

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By *hrek101 OP Man
over a year ago

Herts

"So dumped again this morning by someone I really liked. As usual tell me I'm so nice, told me things they haven't told anyone else but just don't fancy me but love to stay friends.

Anyone else feel they are destined for the Friendzone forever more?

I feel you man, I feel you

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually

God, I hate the concept of the friend zone. I have friends I fuck, and friends I don't, I have people I consider partners, people I consider fuck buddies, and people I simply enjoy seeing when I can in whatever form that takes. Friendship isn't a consolation prize for not winning the fabled vagina. But that's a general rant on the friendzone that I have too often gone into for hours.

It sucks when someone isn't into you the same way that you're into them OP. I'm sorry you're going through that and hope you find more compatible options or general happiness soon

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

"This is a serious question. If a man is friendly towards me, I like him and am friendly back do either of us need to make it clear that it's no more than friendship?

I understand that the op is upset because he was in a sexual relationship that the woman ended and wanted to remain friends so my question is slightly at a tangent"

See this is something I've wondered about recently.

I had a really good friendship with someone, or so I thought, and when I said I didn't want to watch them wank? That was the end of that. I don't want to have to tell men - we're friends, nothing more.

It kind of makes me sad that friendship can be seen as something you put another tokens in to get to what you really want. When I get the feeling that someone isn't really interested in an actual friendship and is biding time until they get vaginal access, I let it fizzle.

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By *elix SightedMan
over a year ago

Cloud 8

I regularly find myself in the friend zone! Sometimes it’s because I put us there, sometimes them. And when it’s them doing the ‘downgrading’, sometimes I’m ok with it and sometimes not.

If I really fancy them and feel it would be too hard for me to maintain a friendship without making her awkward through un-conscious expressions of affection, I tend to break all ties. There’s no malice or sulking, I just find that works best for me.

If I feel I can maintain a healthy friendly relationship, I’m very happy to. I do have lots of established friends, but it’s always nice to make more.

I’ve made a few on fab, many of whom I know I’ll never meet, let alone invade. But I like having likeminded people with whom I can laugh and talk bollocks.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So dumped again this morning by someone I really liked. As usual tell me I'm so nice, told me things they haven't told anyone else but just don't fancy me but love to stay friends.

Anyone else feel they are destined for the Friendzone forever more?"

Sounds more like being let down gently than freindzoned.

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By *eneralKenobiMan
over a year ago

North Angus

Can’t say I am but the best one I got was “you’re more like a brother to me”

I bloody well hope not after what we did

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By *am101aMan
over a year ago

swad

I've recently had that, after being downgraded from lover to friend. I feel that the world has ended. Hopefully we will get back up and at it soon!

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By *hrek101 OP Man
over a year ago

Herts

"So dumped again this morning by someone I really liked. As usual tell me I'm so nice, told me things they haven't told anyone else but just don't fancy me but love to stay friends.

Anyone else feel they are destined for the Friendzone forever more?

Sounds more like being let down gently than freindzoned."
lol was bit of both, she did ask to remain friends as she is really comfortable talking with me. It is what it just seems very common outcome for me. Some times just feels like on repeat.

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By *edeWoman
over a year ago

the abyss

I'm so sorry you're hurting OP

It's really difficult when this happens and I can't really comment on being put in it and I usually put myself in there super fast. Probably a way of protecting myself from the risk of catching the dreaded 'feelings'

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By *entlemanFoxMan
over a year ago

North East / London

"This is a serious question. If a man is friendly towards me, I like him and am friendly back do either of us need to make it clear that it's no more than friendship?

I understand that the op is upset because he was in a sexual relationship that the woman ended and wanted to remain friends so my question is slightly at a tangent"

Are you talking on Fab or vanilla?

On fab there is no harm in being clear. I have fab friends who are just that. You can still have wild conversations without the worry of it being misinterpreted.

Generally, I think you can be friends with a woman and not expect anything else.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So dumped again this morning by someone I really liked. As usual tell me I'm so nice, told me things they haven't told anyone else but just don't fancy me but love to stay friends.

Anyone else feel they are destined for the Friendzone forever more?

Sounds more like being let down gently than freindzoned. lol was bit of both, she did ask to remain friends as she is really comfortable talking with me. It is what it just seems very common outcome for me. Some times just feels like on repeat."

I tend to get abuse followed by a door slam

So much easier to deal with lol

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By *oyahandrussCouple
over a year ago

Nr Rugby

"Difficult to know what to do in every situation.

The only way not be friendzoned is do not always be available to them. Stop being the ear for her.

Does she only contact you when she's down or unhappy with another men etc?

Your a friend nothing more.

It pains me to say I have lost contact and been blocked by some beautiful, lovely women who I wanted to meet.

But when you know your just a outlet for them to vent you are never going to get what youd like.

As I say, one woman in particular I liked a lot, she even contacted me when I returned here, I regret letting her go but the position was clear and she was hurt by my decision to move from her.

If burning desire is not equal on both sides to engage in sex, you will be friendzoned and ultimately unhappy.

Good luck, god bless. I know it hurts "

The burning desire is a must.x

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By *aucasian GhandiMan
over a year ago

from my dad's left nut (Warwick)

"So dumped again this morning by someone I really liked. As usual tell me I'm so nice, told me things they haven't told anyone else but just don't fancy me but love to stay friends.

Anyone else feel they are destined for the Friendzone forever more?"

Nope never, never happened never will happen, I'm amazing

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By *oyahandrussCouple
over a year ago

Nr Rugby

"It's happened to me and I just respect their decision"

It's easy this way.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This is a serious question. If a man is friendly towards me, I like him and am friendly back do either of us need to make it clear that it's no more than friendship?

I understand that the op is upset because he was in a sexual relationship that the woman ended and wanted to remain friends so my question is slightly at a tangent"

I have a few male friends who I am genuinely 'just' friends with, there's never been any conversation to say listen I like you but we are just friends on either side,they are just my mates

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By *iver_lover_6969Man
over a year ago

South Liverpool

Can't help but feel like the idea of a friendzone is slipping dangerously close to the idea of being entitled to sex from someone because you were nice to them...

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By *istyPeaksCouple
over a year ago

braintree

I friendzone myself on a regular basis. I think I’m too “one of the lads” at times

That said - there is a guy on here who I’ve been friends with for a while…. Turns out I quite fancy a fuck with him now….

Mrs

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"This is a serious question. If a man is friendly towards me, I like him and am friendly back do either of us need to make it clear that it's no more than friendship?

I understand that the op is upset because he was in a sexual relationship that the woman ended and wanted to remain friends so my question is slightly at a tangent

Are you talking on Fab or vanilla?

On fab there is no harm in being clear. I have fab friends who are just that. You can still have wild conversations without the worry of it being misinterpreted.

Generally, I think you can be friends with a woman and not expect anything else.

GF"

In the wider world really. I've heard the term friendzone used so many times in a negative as if there's no point being friends with a woman unless sex is available. Women also use it but not as often.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"This is a serious question. If a man is friendly towards me, I like him and am friendly back do either of us need to make it clear that it's no more than friendship?

I understand that the op is upset because he was in a sexual relationship that the woman ended and wanted to remain friends so my question is slightly at a tangent

See this is something I've wondered about recently.

I have one genuine man friend.

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By *hrista BellendWoman
over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

It's just an incompatibility, and I'm sorry that she didn't tell you sooner, before the feels started, maybe the the friendzone would be easier to do

Personally, if I have the feels and I've been lead on as they are not reciprocated, I walk. I know I would self destroy the friendship in anger and frustration, that they couldn't tell me they didn't find me attractive in the beginning.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So dumped again this morning by someone I really liked. As usual tell me I'm so nice, told me things they haven't told anyone else but just don't fancy me but love to stay friends.

Anyone else feel they are destined for the Friendzone forever more?"

Ah, I feel for you mate. The trouble with being friendly is that’s all they think you will or can be.

Chics dig bad boys, or so I am told.

I can see myself just hooking up now and again for the company, or like you op. Watching those if want something more getting with others whilst they tell me all about it…

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

Unfortunately sometimes the chemistry just isn't there. I've had immense chemistry with rather ugly guys and absolutely none with some utterly gorgeous men.

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By *mf123Man
over a year ago

with one foot out the door

[Removed by poster at 18/05/23 17:30:32]

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By *mf123Man
over a year ago

with one foot out the door

I would only wish for such a place to be its the stuff of legend much more fun

better that than the empty abyss of the forgotten cos that place can mess with your sanity in so many ways if you dont drag yourself out of it fast enough and defy that reality

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By *onkeynutWoman
over a year ago

somewhere

I have been ‘friend zoned’ a couple of times and it’s really rubbish if you are wanting more or there are feelings involved. I cut those two people out of my life for my own benefit because it would not have been easy for me to be platonic friends.

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By *erence IIMan
over a year ago

Irrelevant

"This is a serious question. If a man is friendly towards me, I like him and am friendly back do either of us need to make it clear that it's no more than friendship?

I understand that the op is upset because he was in a sexual relationship that the woman ended and wanted to remain friends so my question is slightly at a tangent"

I think it's a bit more complicated than that and (as with many things) varies immensely depending on the person. For some people, a refusal to move a relationship into the sex zone (if that's even a thing) is a massive issue and they'll walk away. For others, it's only a problem if they develop romantic feelings that aren't reciprocated (this appears to be the case with the OP).

As you're clearly in a relationship I'd suggest the latter is less likely to be an issue for you. Guys know you have a hubby you love so won't expect to be your romantic interest. Unless people know you're a swinger I can't see you having too much of an issue not wanting to make a friendship sexual either though I guess if they know you swing there is always the possibility. Personally, its not a convo I'd bother having unless someone behaved or spoke in a way that made me suspect they were after more than I want to offer.

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By *entlemanFoxMan
over a year ago

North East / London

"...

I think 'friendzone' is an unhelpful label, but symptomatic of the faceache age. There is a widely held belief that the only reason men and women interact is because the former are in pursuit of sex. It is possibly bound up in dated concepts of women as mere chattels.

I think that is wrong. I do believe it is possible and actually healthy just to be friends with some people.

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By *rispyDuckMan
over a year ago

Chinese Takeaway near you

"So dumped again this morning by someone I really liked. As usual tell me I'm so nice, told me things they haven't told anyone else but just don't fancy me but love to stay friends.

Anyone else feel they are destined for the Friendzone forever more?"

Sorry to hear dude.

Happened when I was younger in my ‘simping years/phase’ haha

. Take it as a learning opportunity

. Next time u can pick up on signs quicker u being friend zoned & move on before they waste your time.

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By *ong-leggedblondWoman
over a year ago

Next Door

I've always been in the friends zone, such as life.

There's a few people on my friends list on here I would love for more to happen or meet them/ more but due to distance/others things, it probably won't go any further.

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By *coobyBoobyDooWoman
over a year ago

Markfield

Breadcrumbing and ghosting would possibly be worse?

It’s awful if you have the feels for someone and it’s not reciprocated but know it’s just life, we don’t all fancy everyone and not everyone fancies us. Sometimes the chemistry just isnt there in sync x

I’m learning x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I lurk in the quiet, dark corner of the friendzone……

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By *eiaorganaWoman
over a year ago

Dundee

"So dumped again this morning by someone I really liked. As usual tell me I'm so nice, told me things they haven't told anyone else but just don't fancy me but love to stay friends.

Anyone else feel they are destined for the Friendzone forever more?"

There's no such thing as the friendzone, it's a word made up by incels to describe their lack of success with women and to make it sound like it's the woman's fault.

When you say you were dumped were you actually in a relationship or is it more that you had feelings for someone and they were not reciprocated?

If it's the latter then they thought of you as just a friend, you were the one who viewed it as more.

Women are not vending machines that you put kindness coins into until sex falls out.

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By *hrek101 OP Man
over a year ago

Herts

"So dumped again this morning by someone I really liked. As usual tell me I'm so nice, told me things they haven't told anyone else but just don't fancy me but love to stay friends.

Anyone else feel they are destined for the Friendzone forever more?

There's no such thing as the friendzone, it's a word made up by incels to describe their lack of success with women and to make it sound like it's the woman's fault.

When you say you were dumped were you actually in a relationship or is it more that you had feelings for someone and they were not reciprocated?

If it's the latter then they thought of you as just a friend, you were the one who viewed it as more.

Women are not vending machines that you put kindness coins into until sex falls out."

Lol so many conclusions jumped too there Jesus. When did I mention sex. Sex isn't what I wanted even. We were dating and we got on fantasticily because we are both nice people. Just I liked her a lot and she didn't quite feel the same. Just seems to happen a lot to me. Don't feel any woman owes me anything, what a weird conclusion to jump to. My post is only to look for others that have similar experiences to try to understand mine better

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By *oiluvfunMan
over a year ago

Penrith

"So dumped again this morning by someone I really liked. As usual tell me I'm so nice, told me things they haven't told anyone else but just don't fancy me but love to stay friends.

Anyone else feel they are destined for the Friendzone forever more?"

Don't be disheartened mate! There is a point, where the friendzone morphs in to networking, and nothing improves your chances of meeting women, than another woman telling them what a great guy you are! Stay positive

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"This is a serious question. If a man is friendly towards me, I like him and am friendly back do either of us need to make it clear that it's no more than friendship?

I understand that the op is upset because he was in a sexual relationship that the woman ended and wanted to remain friends so my question is slightly at a tangent

It has been my experience that many men don't want to be my friend unless sex is on the cards. There have been exceptions to this but very few. My wedding ring just means many of them don't bother trying to be more than as polite as the situation requires.

I'm not as cynical as that might sound but I am very careful around men until I can work them out

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

[Removed by poster at 18/05/23 19:33:30]

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"So dumped again this morning by someone I really liked. As usual tell me I'm so nice, told me things they haven't told anyone else but just don't fancy me but love to stay friends.

Anyone else feel they are destined for the Friendzone forever more?

There's no such thing as the friendzone, it's a word made up by incels to describe their lack of success with women and to make it sound like it's the woman's fault.

When you say you were dumped were you actually in a relationship or is it more that you had feelings for someone and they were not reciprocated?

If it's the latter then they thought of you as just a friend, you were the one who viewed it as more.

Women are not vending machines that you put kindness coins into until sex falls out.

You can understand the confusion though. If you didn't even want sex and she's still in your life you haven't lost her altogether...

It sounds as if you were hoping for a longer-term, romantic relationship and she doesn't want that. That hurts and I'm sorry

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By *ehindHerEyesCouple
over a year ago

SomewhereOnlyWeKnow

I had the major habit of putting myself in the friend zone before being put in it by someone, but you know what some of them I was happy to have as friends rather than be cut off completely.

Tinder x

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By *eiaorganaWoman
over a year ago

Dundee

"So dumped again this morning by someone I really liked. As usual tell me I'm so nice, told me things they haven't told anyone else but just don't fancy me but love to stay friends.

Anyone else feel they are destined for the Friendzone forever more?

There's no such thing as the friendzone, it's a word made up by incels to describe their lack of success with women and to make it sound like it's the woman's fault.

When you say you were dumped were you actually in a relationship or is it more that you had feelings for someone and they were not reciprocated?

If it's the latter then they thought of you as just a friend, you were the one who viewed it as more.

Women are not vending machines that you put kindness coins into until sex falls out.

When you say dating what do you mean? Were you going out for meals, to the pub, the cinema etc? Was there any talk of a sexual relationship? Did you hold hands, cuddle on the sofa?

If none of these happened then she thought of you just as a mate and you were just hanging out, in which case you weren't dumped and she was just making it clear that you are just a friend and nothing more. I'm aware that sounds harsh but it's the reality.

If these things were happening and she has changed her mind about pursuing a relationship with you, it's awful for you and you have every right to be sad about that.

You say that being 'friendzoned' is the norm for you. Is it possible that you haven't given any indication that you are sexually attracted to these women, so they might just assume you're only looking for friendship?

If a woman senses a man is interested in her but she doesn't feel the same she's usually quite quick to make it obvious how she feels. Perhaps you just haven't found the right lady for you?