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Some advice please

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

My son is 17 been living between me and his mother. They kick off he contacts me then he calms down peace in with ex wife's house hold.

My ex partner wants me back and no not going back. Texts me to say ignore my son he is attention seeking and needs to stop using me as an escape from his mother and reality. Is she right coz personally I don't think she is but maybe I am wrong.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Only you can decide if your son is telling the truth or not.

It is not uncommon for the children to play one parent against the other, whether the parents are together or separated.

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

Seems pretty normal to me. 17 wants a bit of peace and quiet.

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By *eal_Dick_TurpinMan
over a year ago

Exeter

You already answered your own question...

ex wife vs son, not ex son.

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By *ady4ladyWoman
over a year ago

liverpool

Do you think there may be any jealousy from your ex-partner....... of your son and ex wife?

Maybe thats why she tells you to ignore him

My advice - he is your son, never never ignore him or put others above him, no matter how he behaves, one day he will become an adult and realise that no matter what he did his Dad was always there for him

Thats just my view.x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A 17 year old kid dealing with the emotional side-effects of seeing his parents split up does not deserve to be judged as a protagonist....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Your don must come first ignore the ex she sounds like a dick. The poor lad must be fed up with the shite going on around him just be there for him, sounds like hes going threw a hard time with his mum x

All kids need their parents,

Good luck and stay strong im sure your a great dad x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"A 17 year old kid dealing with the emotional side-effects of seeing his parents split up does not deserve to be judged as a protagonist.... "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is a tricky situation, ive been on the recieving end of this with my daughter, yeah kids do like to play one parent off on the other, She used to come to mine, then when all chilled she would go back home, then weeks later same again, though when i tried to in force some rules and disapline she soon ran back home, then her mum would also jump on the case and use it to get at me, couldnt win eitherway,

But i stayed there for her, now she realises and we get along great again,

but in the end i did have to tell them both i wouldnt be used by them and they needed to sort their relationship out.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Have all three of you in the same room, so that you talk it through face to face.

That's what I would do.

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By *eal_Dick_TurpinMan
over a year ago

Exeter


"Have all three of you in the same room, so that you talk it through face to face.

That's what I would do. "

The OP is a man, his son is a man, all men need is eye contact and a Y/N answer to the question "You got my back?"

*worst* thing the OP can do is discuss the boy's status with a woman, in front of the kid....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I disagree.

If he is playing one parent against another, it is important for both parents to be in the same room with him to flush out the issues face to face.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

One thing is my ex wife never wants to be in the same room as me. She said 9 years ago I can't hurt you any other way than throu the children. She blocked contact with them for 7 years got both my elder boys back in my life I am not losing them again they are my world. My ex partner is in Yorkshire and has made my life hell for 10 long months after I left her she has constantly wanted me back. We have a 4 year old together I am not going to lose contact with him like I did the 2 older boys but she is trying to stop me living my life with my older boys. So hurt and confused

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Younger people should not be expected to cope with traumatic situations in the same ways as mature adults….

Both parents should be wise enough to make allowances for any behavioural issues arising within their children, who are being forced to deal with the complex emotional impact of adapting to their parent’s life-changing choices,,,

Don't blame the kids…

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Younger people should not be expected to cope with traumatic situations in the same ways as mature adults….

Both parents should be wise enough to make allowances for any behavioural issues arising within their children, who are being forced to deal with the complex emotional impact of adapting to their parent’s life-changing choices,,,

Don't blame the kids… "

Soxy I don't blame them at all they never asked to be brought into this and I try to protect them as much as I can

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By *eal_Dick_TurpinMan
over a year ago

Exeter


"I disagree.

If he is playing one parent against another, it is important for both parents to be in the same room with him to flush out the issues face to face.

"

There are no issues.

The mother of mine is an ex, we never knew each other, we met, we hooked up, many things were said / implied / promised, we split up, throughout this process it was two consenting adults.

My boys are by definition neither consenting, nor adult, they were not consulted, all they require is unconditional "Dad will be there for us" until such time as they are adults and can manufacture their own consent.

If the OP's ex, or my ex, *genuinely* put the welfare of the kids first, there would be no "issues" to flush out.

That LAST thing the kids need is to be in the same room as two people who have already proven they can't stand to live together, who are then attempting to blame the kid for any issues the kid has with mummy and daddy not wanting to live together.

The bane of this country and society is single mummies raising boys, or rather attempting to... they haven't got a bloody clue.

The OP's post said it all, the boy is with his mum and kicks off, the boy goes to his dad and everything calms down, that's all you need to know.

Whatever moral or social or legal contract the OP had with his ex is over.

Whatever moral or social or legal contract the OP has with his current squeeze is similarly transitory.

He will ALWAYS be the boy's father, and the boy will ALWAYS be his son, even when the boy is in his fifties.

That trumps everything.

The last thing the OP or the boy need is to be in the same room as clucking women.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Younger people should not be expected to cope with traumatic situations in the same ways as mature adults….

Both parents should be wise enough to make allowances for any behavioural issues arising within their children, who are being forced to deal with the complex emotional impact of adapting to their parent’s life-changing choices,,,

Don't blame the kids…

Soxy I don't blame them at all they never asked to be brought into this and I try to protect them as much as I can "

I wasn’t suggesting you were….!.

I was trying to say that it's wrong for parting-parents to use their kids behaviour as a lever or excuse in determining problems between them....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

The bane of this country and society is single mummies raising boys, or rather attempting to... they haven't got a bloody clue.

The OP's post said it all, the boy is with his mum and kicks off, the boy goes to his dad and everything calms down, that's all you need to know.

The last thing the OP or the boy need is to be in the same room as clucking women."

Jesus, what sort of mysoginistic dinosaur are you?

How does a boy fare if, say, his father has died and there is only the mother left to raise him? Does he automatically become some wimpy little cry baby in constant touch with his feelings?

To the OP:

Your relationship with your children is completely separate from their relationship with their mother. If she is having problems with them then ultimately it is she who needs to be the adult and resolve them, with your assistance if possible, without it if not.

You need to stand your ground and tell both of your exes 'this is how it is and this is how it is going to be, and if you don't like it - see you in court'.

However, as a father who loves his children it should be important to you that they have a strong relationship with their mother too, regardless of how much she/they undermine your relationship with them. Even if they threaten to get to you through the kids, stand firm. Be the rock she smashes herself against.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Younger people should not be expected to cope with traumatic situations in the same ways as mature adults….

Both parents should be wise enough to make allowances for any behavioural issues arising within their children, who are being forced to deal with the complex emotional impact of adapting to their parent’s life-changing choices,,,

Don't blame the kids…

Soxy I don't blame them at all they never asked to be brought into this and I try to protect them as much as I can

I wasn’t suggesting you were….!.

I was trying to say that it's wrong for parting-parents to use their kids behaviour as a lever or excuse in determining problems between them.... "

I know it's cool it's hard to explain in text rather than the sound of voice hope I did not offend

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It depends what he comes to you for.. If its cos he doesn't like the rules his mother is putting on him then he needs to stop running from them and learn to accept the rules.

If its cos of turmoil out of his control then he needs the escape..

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By *coobyroo218Couple
over a year ago

Guernsey

Only piece of advice I can give is just be there for them, no matter what is said or not said just be there for them.

Kids need support no matter where it comes from but coming from one of their parents is alo t better

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By *eal_Dick_TurpinMan
over a year ago

Exeter


"

Jesus, what sort of mysoginistic dinosaur are you? "

Jesus, what sort of misandric dinosaur are you?

See how that works.

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By *eal_Dick_TurpinMan
over a year ago

Exeter


"It depends what he comes to you for.. If its cos he doesn't like the rules his mother is putting on him then he needs to stop running from them and learn to accept the rules.

If its cos of turmoil out of his control then he needs the escape..

"

Why?

What if the rules mummy imposes are that he was never more than a weapon to be used to hurt daddy with... it's not exactly an unheard of scenario.

I think if the kid was jacking up the OP would have mentioned it.

The kid ain't happy with mummy, sounds like the OP can empathise with that one.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

Jesus, what sort of mysoginistic dinosaur are you?

Jesus, what sort of misandric dinosaur are you?

See how that works.

"

Misandric: irrational fear or hatred of men or boys

Mysogynistic: Of or characterized by a hatred of women.

~

I think I was right apart from the one typo.

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By *issHottieBottieWoman
over a year ago

Kent


"

The bane of this country and society is single mummies raising boys, or rather attempting to... they haven't got a bloody clue.

."

What the fuck??? Never heard such an utter pile of total misinformed drivel in all my life!! seriously?!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

The bane of this country and society is single mummies raising boys, or rather attempting to... they haven't got a bloody clue.

.

What the fuck??? Never heard such an utter pile of total misinformed drivel in all my life!! seriously?! "

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Hey guys I've asked for some advice not a debate but thank you all for your valued comments and advice

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"My son is 17 been living between me and his mother. They kick off he contacts me then he calms down peace in with ex wife's house hold.

My ex partner wants me back and no not going back. Texts me to say ignore my son he is attention seeking and needs to stop using me as an escape from his mother and reality. Is she right coz personally I don't think she is but maybe I am wrong. "

Started to read the rest of the thread but it seems to have deteriorated into an unhelpful point scoring argument

If I've read this correctly the ex-partner who wants you back is not your son's mother and you are asking us if you should believe that what she is telling you about your son is correct? You also say lower down that you are confused and hurt, if you feel that way imagine how your son feels. Talk to him father to son and listen to what he says, he'll be your son for ever your ex is just that your ex.

I don't doubt that when things get too much for him at his mum's house he will run to you if he does enjoy your time with him don't be drawn into slagging his mother off and be his father.

Hope it works out well.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Hey guys I've asked for some advice not a debate but thank you all for your valued comments and advice "

Quite! But it's added to my blocked list at least

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"My son is 17 been living between me and his mother. They kick off he contacts me then he calms down peace in with ex wife's house hold.

My ex partner wants me back and no not going back. Texts me to say ignore my son he is attention seeking and needs to stop using me as an escape from his mother and reality. Is she right coz personally I don't think she is but maybe I am wrong.

Started to read the rest of the thread but it seems to have deteriorated into an unhelpful point scoring argument

If I've read this correctly the ex-partner who wants you back is not your son's mother and you are asking us if you should believe that what she is telling you about your son is correct? You also say lower down that you are confused and hurt, if you feel that way imagine how your son feels. Talk to him father to son and listen to what he says, he'll be your son for ever your ex is just that your ex.

I don't doubt that when things get too much for him at his mum's house he will run to you if he does enjoy your time with him don't be drawn into slagging his mother off and be his father.

Hope it works out well."

Thank u that's exactly the situation and I have never put his mother down as she can do that without my help lol but thank you again

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"My son is 17 been living between me and his mother. They kick off he contacts me then he calms down peace in with ex wife's house hold.

My ex partner wants me back and no not going back. Texts me to say ignore my son he is attention seeking and needs to stop using me as an escape from his mother and reality. Is she right coz personally I don't think she is but maybe I am wrong.

Started to read the rest of the thread but it seems to have deteriorated into an unhelpful point scoring argument

If I've read this correctly the ex-partner who wants you back is not your son's mother and you are asking us if you should believe that what she is telling you about your son is correct? You also say lower down that you are confused and hurt, if you feel that way imagine how your son feels. Talk to him father to son and listen to what he says, he'll be your son for ever your ex is just that your ex.

I don't doubt that when things get too much for him at his mum's house he will run to you if he does enjoy your time with him don't be drawn into slagging his mother off and be his father.

Hope it works out well.

Thank u that's exactly the situation and I have never put his mother down as she can do that without my help lol but thank you again "

No problem and I'm sure you've never put his mum down in front of him. I know of someone whose parents split up when he was seventeen and due to the way it was handled and the fall out they have never forgiven either of them and have no respect for them either and that is 40 years on. 17 year old guys are difficult to deal with our son was at that age and they are inclined to hide their true feelings in order to appear manly I hope it works out well for all concerned.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Don't listen to either of them.

Just be there to support your son.

Don't get entangled in arguments.

He will see mum as at fault. She will see him as at fault and they probably both are.

It won't help him though if you take his side in arguments. Just open your door to him when he needs it and suggest ways he and mum can sort things out.

Best of luck x

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By *issHottieBottieWoman
over a year ago

Kent


"Hey guys I've asked for some advice not a debate but thank you all for your valued comments and advice "

Apologies. Just some comments really do baffle me lol. X

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By *issHottieBottieWoman
over a year ago

Kent


"Don't listen to either of them.

Just be there to support your son.

Don't get entangled in arguments.

He will see mum as at fault. She will see him as at fault and they probably both are.

It won't help him though if you take his side in arguments. Just open your door to him when he needs it and suggest ways he and mum can sort things out.

Best of luck x "

This sounds like good advice to me. He could well be playing his mum up something rotten and then she's losing her rag and he's running to you to get away from angry mum. Just make sure you don't let him think its acceptable to give his mother grief. I know some dads that tend to let the kids get away with more because they don't see them as often and don't wanna be the bad guy (my ex included). Happy medium is what's needed. Good luck x

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"My son is 17 been living between me and his mother. They kick off he contacts me then he calms down peace in with ex wife's house hold.

My ex partner wants me back and no not going back. Texts me to say ignore my son he is attention seeking and needs to stop using me as an escape from his mother and reality. Is she right coz personally I don't think she is but maybe I am wrong.

Started to read the rest of the thread but it seems to have deteriorated into an unhelpful point scoring argument

If I've read this correctly the ex-partner who wants you back is not your son's mother and you are asking us if you should believe that what she is telling you about your son is correct? You also say lower down that you are confused and hurt, if you feel that way imagine how your son feels. Talk to him father to son and listen to what he says, he'll be your son for ever your ex is just that your ex.

I don't doubt that when things get too much for him at his mum's house he will run to you if he does enjoy your time with him don't be drawn into slagging his mother off and be his father.

Hope it works out well.

Thank u that's exactly the situation and I have never put his mother down as she can do that without my help lol but thank you again

No problem and I'm sure you've never put his mum down in front of him. I know of someone whose parents split up when he was seventeen and due to the way it was handled and the fall out they have never forgiven either of them and have no respect for them either and that is 40 years on. 17 year old guys are difficult to deal with our son was at that age and they are inclined to hide their true feelings in order to appear manly I hope it works out well for all concerned. "

The break up with his mother happened over 10 years ago but lost contact 7 or 8 years ago found the boys on face book 2 and a half years ago their mother found out and blocked their accounts from me then my son that this is about turned 16 we got contact back and he turns 18 next month. So hard to explain in text as well I think I could write a book lol.

He suffers with bi polar and no matter what I love my boys with all my heart wish I could have them all live with me

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Don't listen to either of them.

Just be there to support your son.

Don't get entangled in arguments.

He will see mum as at fault. She will see him as at fault and they probably both are.

It won't help him though if you take his side in arguments. Just open your door to him when he needs it and suggest ways he and mum can sort things out.

Best of luck x "

Thank you Granny for your wise words x

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Hey guys I've asked for some advice not a debate but thank you all for your valued comments and advice

Apologies. Just some comments really do baffle me lol. X "

Apology accepted no problem at all x

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Don't listen to either of them.

Just be there to support your son.

Don't get entangled in arguments.

He will see mum as at fault. She will see him as at fault and they probably both are.

It won't help him though if you take his side in arguments. Just open your door to him when he needs it and suggest ways he and mum can sort things out.

Best of luck x

This sounds like good advice to me. He could well be playing his mum up something rotten and then she's losing her rag and he's running to you to get away from angry mum. Just make sure you don't let him think its acceptable to give his mother grief. I know some dads that tend to let the kids get away with more because they don't see them as often and don't wanna be the bad guy (my ex included). Happy medium is what's needed. Good luck x "

Yes I know he plays his mother up and yes I know he is no angel lol but he don't get it easy here on that score he gets told right from wrong but she also gets told without him knowing if I can see where things are wrong I try to help but mainly gets thrown in my face lol and I do understand that one as well lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Don't listen to either of them.

Just be there to support your son.

Don't get entangled in arguments.

He will see mum as at fault. She will see him as at fault and they probably both are.

It won't help him though if you take his side in arguments. Just open your door to him when he needs it and suggest ways he and mum can sort things out.

Best of luck x

This sounds like good advice to me. He could well be playing his mum up something rotten and then she's losing her rag and he's running to you to get away from angry mum. Just make sure you don't let him think its acceptable to give his mother grief. I know some dads that tend to let the kids get away with more because they don't see them as often and don't wanna be the bad guy (my ex included). Happy medium is what's needed. Good luck x

Yes I know he plays his mother up and yes I know he is no angel lol but he don't get it easy here on that score he gets told right from wrong but she also gets told without him knowing if I can see where things are wrong I try to help but mainly gets thrown in my face lol and I do understand that one as well lol "

It feels like you've not given the whole picture here. You say you 'lost contact' with your boys for 7 or 8 years. Was it 7 or was it 8?

I'd fight tooth and nail for my kids going through all the courts in the land if my ex tried to stop me seeing them. I find myself questioning why you haven't, yet you say you love them with all your heart and wish they could live with you. I don't doubt that, but you could have been a part of their lives for all those years, you had the power to make that happen, they didn't.

You seem a rather fluidic person with two ex-partners both with children, kicked out on new year's eve, and asking for advice on here from total strangers regarding almost every aspect of your life.

I'm trying not to be harsh but I do find myself wondering about what's really happened in your life to lead you to where you are now.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Don't listen to either of them.

Just be there to support your son.

Don't get entangled in arguments.

He will see mum as at fault. She will see him as at fault and they probably both are.

It won't help him though if you take his side in arguments. Just open your door to him when he needs it and suggest ways he and mum can sort things out.

Best of luck x "

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Don't listen to either of them.

Just be there to support your son.

Don't get entangled in arguments.

He will see mum as at fault. She will see him as at fault and they probably both are.

It won't help him though if you take his side in arguments. Just open your door to him when he needs it and suggest ways he and mum can sort things out.

Best of luck x

This sounds like good advice to me. He could well be playing his mum up something rotten and then she's losing her rag and he's running to you to get away from angry mum. Just make sure you don't let him think its acceptable to give his mother grief. I know some dads that tend to let the kids get away with more because they don't see them as often and don't wanna be the bad guy (my ex included). Happy medium is what's needed. Good luck x

Yes I know he plays his mother up and yes I know he is no angel lol but he don't get it easy here on that score he gets told right from wrong but she also gets told without him knowing if I can see where things are wrong I try to help but mainly gets thrown in my face lol and I do understand that one as well lol

It feels like you've not given the whole picture here. You say you 'lost contact' with your boys for 7 or 8 years. Was it 7 or was it 8?

I'd fight tooth and nail for my kids going through all the courts in the land if my ex tried to stop me seeing them. I find myself questioning why you haven't, yet you say you love them with all your heart and wish they could live with you. I don't doubt that, but you could have been a part of their lives for all those years, you had the power to make that happen, they didn't.

You seem a rather fluidic person with two ex-partners both with children, kicked out on new year's eve, and asking for advice on here from total strangers regarding almost every aspect of your life.

I'm trying not to be harsh but I do find myself wondering about what's really happened in your life to lead you to where you are now."

I went throu court I went bankrupt fighting to see them what more could I do could not get legal aid and to be honest what's it matter if it's 7 or 8 years I lost a big part of their lives and that still cuts deep.

Sometimes advice from strangers is more helpful than that of involved friends. I have had a bad run of luck made some wrong decisions in my life and maybe I needed to talk sorry if this is so wrong of me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What court would stop a decent father seeing his kids? Is the system that biased towards the mother that all she has to do is say he can't see them and that's it? That's the part I don't get.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"What court would stop a decent father seeing his kids? Is the system that biased towards the mother that all she has to do is say he can't see them and that's it? That's the part I don't get. "

Trust me I am not the only father in this boat why do you think fathers for justice exists

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"What court would stop a decent father seeing his kids? Is the system that biased towards the mother that all she has to do is say he can't see them and that's it? That's the part I don't get. "

yes the courts are exceptionally biased towards mothers

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"What court would stop a decent father seeing his kids? Is the system that biased towards the mother that all she has to do is say he can't see them and that's it? That's the part I don't get.

Trust me I am not the only father in this boat why do you think fathers for justice exists "

I don't doubt you, it just amazes me that our legal system allows it to happen. You can never get those years back so you'd think the courts would realise this and act on it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I mean, does all a mother have to do is say the father has been abusive, has a bad past etc etc and that's it, he's banned from contact? Is it that easy for a woman to do that?

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

think you son may be playing one off against the other but if he wants you and needs you at the moment what can you do. he ll want his independence soon enough

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I mean, does all a mother have to do is say the father has been abusive, has a bad past etc etc and that's it, he's banned from contact? Is it that easy for a woman to do that?"

The courts are geared against the man but this is not place to get into this debate I am more than happy to discuss this in private

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Unfortunately there are some people who are more than happy to lie deceive and do anything to break court orders to stop a parent from seeing the children.the way it goes sorry to say

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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago

yumsville

best advice I ever had was off an old neighbour.

"You have never lost anything till you lose your mother"

its so true - so rather than taking sides or letting him get away with it - tell him to chill out and pay her some respect.

Its peobably his teenage years - though hes still living at home, so - hes got to deal with it.

Tell the ex youll have a word and chill out herself.

Presto lol

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"best advice I ever had was off an old neighbour.

"You have never lost anything till you lose your mother"

its so true - so rather than taking sides or letting him get away with it - tell him to chill out and pay her some respect.

Its peobably his teenage years - though hes still living at home, so - hes got to deal with it.

Tell the ex youll have a word and chill out herself.

Presto lol"

Very true words thank u

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Unfortunately there are some people who are more than happy to lie deceive and do anything to break court orders to stop a parent from seeing the children.the way it goes sorry to say "

As much as I crack ex-wife jokes in here the truth is she's been good as gold when it comes to our daughter. I've been lucky I know as I have close friends who were taken to the cleaners by their exes and still had to fight to see their kids. I've not had any friends who were deined access completely but I guess there for the grace of god etc.. figuratively speaking.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Unfortunately there are some people who are more than happy to lie deceive and do anything to break court orders to stop a parent from seeing the children.the way it goes sorry to say

As much as I crack ex-wife jokes in here the truth is she's been good as gold when it comes to our daughter. I've been lucky I know as I have close friends who were taken to the cleaners by their exes and still had to fight to see their kids. I've not had any friends who were deined access completely but I guess there for the grace of god etc.. figuratively speaking."

Unfortunately I could not fight and had to let her win. I have now got good friends in the same boat as me and one is a Mckenzie friend who attitude is sod the parents it's what is right for the children. He has had a very good success rate

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By *eal_Dick_TurpinMan
over a year ago

Exeter


"I mean, does all a mother have to do is say the father has been abusive, has a bad past etc etc and that's it, he's banned from contact? Is it that easy for a woman to do that?"

You literally have no idea, if only it were that good and easy for dad in secret family court.

In a bid to cut the legal aid bill, they passed a law that came into force late 2009 / early 2010, that said in order to get the full unlimited legal aid allowance, the woman had to have been the victim of either domestic violence or sexual abuse.

By the time the law actually came into effect, ALL the family law solicitors hereabouts were coaching the mums, anything and everything became DV or sexual abuse... and this is before you get to all the blatantly false claims of rape or violence.

Family Court is like the Somme in WW1, then men who have been through it won't talk about it, too painful, and everyone else assumed british justice is working fine nothing to see here move along.

Working dads don't get legal aid, in three years my ex managed to spend 250k of taxpayers money in family courts, what with lawyers, barristers, cafcass, childrens guardians, court appointed trick cyclists at £250 an hour each.... I might as well have gone up against Microsoft

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

The real dick terpin has hot the nail on the head so very true every word I'm afraid.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I mean, does all a mother have to do is say the father has been abusive, has a bad past etc etc and that's it, he's banned from contact? Is it that easy for a woman to do that?

You literally have no idea, if only it were that good and easy for dad in secret family court.

In a bid to cut the legal aid bill, they passed a law that came into force late 2009 / early 2010, that said in order to get the full unlimited legal aid allowance, the woman had to have been the victim of either domestic violence or sexual abuse.

By the time the law actually came into effect, ALL the family law solicitors hereabouts were coaching the mums, anything and everything became DV or sexual abuse... and this is before you get to all the blatantly false claims of rape or violence.

Family Court is like the Somme in WW1, then men who have been through it won't talk about it, too painful, and everyone else assumed british justice is working fine nothing to see here move along.

Working dads don't get legal aid, in three years my ex managed to spend 250k of taxpayers money in family courts, what with lawyers, barristers, cafcass, childrens guardians, court appointed trick cyclists at £250 an hour each.... I might as well have gone up against Microsoft"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I mean, does all a mother have to do is say the father has been abusive, has a bad past etc etc and that's it, he's banned from contact? Is it that easy for a woman to do that?

You literally have no idea, if only it were that good and easy for dad in secret family court.

In a bid to cut the legal aid bill, they passed a law that came into force late 2009 / early 2010, that said in order to get the full unlimited legal aid allowance, the woman had to have been the victim of either domestic violence or sexual abuse.

By the time the law actually came into effect, ALL the family law solicitors hereabouts were coaching the mums, anything and everything became DV or sexual abuse... and this is before you get to all the blatantly false claims of rape or violence.

Family Court is like the Somme in WW1, then men who have been through it won't talk about it, too painful, and everyone else assumed british justice is working fine nothing to see here move along.

Working dads don't get legal aid, in three years my ex managed to spend 250k of taxpayers money in family courts, what with lawyers, barristers, cafcass, childrens guardians, court appointed trick cyclists at £250 an hour each.... I might as well have gone up against Microsoft"

You're right, I really didn't have any idea at all, having never been dragged through it. Thanks to the person who explained it all in detail in pm.

My ex/w was good as gold but that was down to us working our differences out between us. We never split because of a third person being involved so there was nothing for either one of us to be angry about. That was our situation and we were both lucky I guess.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can imagine the scenario: a couple have a row, words are heated, voices raised, but because a man has a deep bass voice that when he raises his voice it is loud - there's your domestic violence. Use of profanity in a row - domestic violence. Slamming doors - domestic violence. It's quite easy for a solicitor to build a case of domestic violence.

Eyes open his are.

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple
over a year ago

in Lancashire


"

The bane of this country and society is single mummies raising boys, or rather attempting to... they haven't got a bloody clue.

.

What the fuck??? Never heard such an utter pile of total misinformed drivel in all my life!! seriously?! "

Agreed..

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I can imagine the scenario: a couple have a row, words are heated, voices raised, but because a man has a deep bass voice that when he raises his voice it is loud - there's your domestic violence. Use of profanity in a row - domestic violence. Slamming doors - domestic violence. It's quite easy for a solicitor to build a case of domestic violence.

Eyes open his are. "

Thank god not everyone has to go throu the legal system and my break up was nothing to do with a third party. I was unfortunate enough to get involved with a control freak. Even my lad calls his mum that without me saying a word lol I'm not saying I was an angel I have my faults but I was working very long hours running my own business and looking after the boys with very little support from her. Long story I know.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross


"What court would stop a decent father seeing his kids? Is the system that biased towards the mother that all she has to do is say he can't see them and that's it? That's the part I don't get.

Trust me I am not the only father in this boat why do you think fathers for justice exists "

Because the don't like paying maintenance and want irrational access hours.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In a perverse reverse polarity sort of way, over the years I've found that the best and most long lasting way to piss a woman off is to NOT argue with her. Remain as calm as a hindu cow and it antagonises her no end. Yes dear, of course dear, whatever you say dear. "Where are you?", "in the pub dear."

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple
over a year ago

in Lancashire


"

Because the don't like paying maintenance and want irrational access hours. "

not all..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My son is 17 been living between me and his mother. They kick off he contacts me then he calms down peace in with ex wife's house hold.

My ex partner wants me back and no not going back. Texts me to say ignore my son he is attention seeking and needs to stop using me as an escape from his mother and reality. Is she right coz personally I don't think she is but maybe I am wrong. "

Okay, man to man. Your son is 17. My two boys are 18 and 21. This is going to sound harsh, but here goes.....

It's about time your son grew up. He needs to be told straight that you are not going 'back to Mummy' now or anytime in the future. He will probably throw a fit at being shocked out of his state of denial about the breakdown of your relationship with his mother, but at some point he has to face it.

BUT.... he needs to know that he will ALWAYS be your son, and his Mother with ALWAYS be his Mother. AND that that is a completely different thing to the relationship between you and his Mother, which is now at an end.

I have had to accept with my two boys that they have completely taken their Mums side when we broke up, but come the time they knock on my door, they will HAVE to be told some truths that they will find VERY unpalatable, but hear them they must.

And the same goes for your son.

I know a lot of people reading this won't agree with me and think I am a heartless bastard, but there comes a point when 'shock tactics' are the only thing that works, and I think you are at that point with your son.

I wish you luck with it.... think you're going to need it...

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By *issHottieBottieWoman
over a year ago

Kent


"The real dick terpin has hot the nail on the head so very true every word I'm afraid. "

I'm afraid not. Some of what he said was total shite!! Lol.

Anyway when my ex an I split up (he was verbally abusive and exhibited very threatening behaviour a few times I thought I was gonna get whacked I was scared of him) one of my best friends is a divorce lawyer and sees a lot of family law as well in her line of work, she advised me that now the courts will not unless its detrimental to the child low no paternal access at all. It's all changing apparently and not being so one sides now.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My son is 17 been living between me and his mother. They kick off he contacts me then he calms down peace in with ex wife's house hold.

My ex partner wants me back and no not going back. Texts me to say ignore my son he is attention seeking and needs to stop using me as an escape from his mother and reality. Is she right coz personally I don't think she is but maybe I am wrong. "

There is nothing wrong with giving your son a place to sleep or stay after all he could be on the streets in worst case scenario. Go with your gut feeling its probably right.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"The real dick terpin has hot the nail on the head so very true every word I'm afraid.

I'm afraid not. Some of what he said was total shite!! Lol.

Anyway when my ex an I split up (he was verbally abusive and exhibited very threatening behaviour a few times I thought I was gonna get whacked I was scared of him) one of my best friends is a divorce lawyer and sees a lot of family law as well in her line of work, she advised me that now the courts will not unless its detrimental to the child low no paternal access at all. It's all changing apparently and not being so one sides now. "

I'm glad things are changing at the end of the day children need both parents and should not be used as a weapon by either parent x

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