FabSwingers.com forum: Why do men......

By *eard and Tatts OP Couple
over a year ago

Cwmbran

.... Have to work harder then women to secure dates, meets etc? Is it because males are more desperate they will take anything including selling their own sexuality for a shot with a woman?

Is this why males pester more?

And not just on the site but in general, men always have to work harder, arrange the date, pay, make the first move etc

Is it tradition or just arrogance on a woman's part?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don’t begrudge women having standards.

Charge it to the game

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By *ravelling_WilburyMan
over a year ago

Beverley

To be fair, I don't think we would do it if the person in question wasn't worth it. It's nice to make people feel special and noticed

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Come on women. Why aren’t you deliberately:

working harder

Or making it easier for men

Even though you don’t have to.

you could just to make it fair.

It must be arrogance

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well this will be a fun read

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think women put in just as much effort, we just don't tend to broadcast it or moan about it.

Everyone should be fussy and because of that arranging good encounters takes effort, time and patience.

It is worth it though.

I think some people are wrongly thinking this is instashag.

While we might get more attention, it's not all good attention and takes a heck of a lot of effort to filter through to find the right people

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By *ravelling_WilburyMan
over a year ago

Beverley

I've just noticed the last line. I think you might have got away with it otherwise, OP.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I just think it’s the fact that there’s so many males to chose from. So women can quite rightly chose who they prefer.

So it’s good in a way because it makes all us guys up our game.

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

No, no they don't.

I don't think or like men arranging everything, paying for it all.

On a site like this, it might seem like men need to make more of an effort - that's down to a number bias. Yes, men might have to make more of an effort on their profile.

But women? Women have to try and find someone they're compatible with. The amount of my female friends who've had dates/meets/socials cancelled. Where things haven't gone further, there's been no second meet/date etc and the woman ends up feeling a bit down and used.

I think that every person should make an effort and feel like that effort is reciprocated. Like they're wanted. If you're doing all the heavy lifting in something, stop that crap. There'll be someone out there who wants to meet you half way.

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By *eard and Tatts OP Couple
over a year ago

Cwmbran

"I've just noticed the last line. I think you might have got away with it otherwise, OP.

Well people can misinterpret it how they like. It's a genuine question

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Biology/tradition

It’ll never change. It is what it is. C’est la vie

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By *eard and Tatts OP Couple
over a year ago

Cwmbran

"I think women put in just as much effort, we just don't tend to broadcast it or moan about it.

Everyone should be fussy and because of that arranging good encounters takes effort, time and patience.

It is worth it though.

I think some people are wrongly thinking this is instashag.

While we might get more attention, it's not all good attention and takes a heck of a lot of effort to filter through to find the right people

I really don't think women put in as much effort as men

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

If you're having to work hard to secure a date you're trying to date the wrong person. Or is it just me who happily walks away if someone doesn't reciprocate my interest?

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I think women put in just as much effort, we just don't tend to broadcast it or moan about it.

Everyone should be fussy and because of that arranging good encounters takes effort, time and patience.

It is worth it though.

I think some people are wrongly thinking this is instashag.

While we might get more attention, it's not all good attention and takes a heck of a lot of effort to filter through to find the right people

I really don't think women put in as much effort as men "

What do you mean by effort?

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By *oo..Woman
over a year ago

Boo's World

Not sure what kind of women you chase, but I've always arranged most of my own meets and paid my own way for things like hotels , drinks,meals,travel etc etc

I don't demand or expect a man to pay for me and I've probably gone out of my way far more often to make it happen than the guys I've met previously.

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By *eard and Tatts OP Couple
over a year ago

Cwmbran

"I think women put in just as much effort, we just don't tend to broadcast it or moan about it.

Everyone should be fussy and because of that arranging good encounters takes effort, time and patience.

It is worth it though.

I think some people are wrongly thinking this is instashag.

While we might get more attention, it's not all good attention and takes a heck of a lot of effort to filter through to find the right people

I really don't think women put in as much effort as men

What do you mean by effort? "

I think in terms of chasing women, men tend to more but women seem to put more effort into making the relationship work

Not all, but traditionally

But from personal experience, it's a lot more men in our inbox then women

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By *eard and Tatts OP Couple
over a year ago

Cwmbran

Maybe I'm just out of touch as I been in a relationship for a while.

Hence why I asked.

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By *ittlebirdWoman
over a year ago

The Big Smoke

".... Have to work harder then women to secure dates, meets etc? Is it because males are more desperate they will take anything including selling their own sexuality for a shot with a woman?

Is this why males pester more?

And not just on the site but in general, men always have to work harder, arrange the date, pay, make the first move etc

Is it tradition or just arrogance on a woman's part?

Men are more desperate?

I joke.

This isn’t my experience at all OP. I like to make an effort with everything in life. But some don’t. Some do. Life is just like that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think women put in just as much effort, we just don't tend to broadcast it or moan about it.

Everyone should be fussy and because of that arranging good encounters takes effort, time and patience.

It is worth it though.

I think some people are wrongly thinking this is instashag.

While we might get more attention, it's not all good attention and takes a heck of a lot of effort to filter through to find the right people

I really don't think women put in as much effort as men "

Well you need to meet different women

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By *iscean_dreamMan
over a year ago

Llanelli

I make them work hard to meet me usually

I'd never just meet anyone, I have to be attracted to more than just their looks

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I think women put in just as much effort, we just don't tend to broadcast it or moan about it.

Everyone should be fussy and because of that arranging good encounters takes effort, time and patience.

It is worth it though.

I think some people are wrongly thinking this is instashag.

While we might get more attention, it's not all good attention and takes a heck of a lot of effort to filter through to find the right people

I really don't think women put in as much effort as men

What do you mean by effort?

I think in terms of chasing women, men tend to more but women seem to put more effort into making the relationship work

Not all, but traditionally

But from personal experience, it's a lot more men in our inbox then women "

We're not looking for women so our in box is going to be male centred, it seems even in couples it's mostly the man messaging.

I think the roles you assign to relationships probably appear correct on the surface but could that be because of the difference in the way *some* men and women to go about relationships, treating them like a points scoring exercise in some cases?

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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago

yumsville

(From experience), It becomes difficult when your fab peeps recognise you, it's a walk like the Pied Piper with women flocking from all corners of town just to catch a glimpse, throwing themselves over benches, plants, partitions all wanting to touch you like a golden fleece! I ended running into a shop for safety once, little did I know it sold pasties.. you can guess the outcome, bedlam.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Maybe I'm just out of touch as I been in a relationship for a while.

Hence why I asked. "

I don't think you are. Sit back and observe the interactions on the fora over a period of time...

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By *eard and Tatts OP Couple
over a year ago

Cwmbran

"I think women put in just as much effort, we just don't tend to broadcast it or moan about it.

Everyone should be fussy and because of that arranging good encounters takes effort, time and patience.

It is worth it though.

I think some people are wrongly thinking this is instashag.

While we might get more attention, it's not all good attention and takes a heck of a lot of effort to filter through to find the right people

I really don't think women put in as much effort as men

What do you mean by effort?

I think in terms of chasing women, men tend to more but women seem to put more effort into making the relationship work

Not all, but traditionally

But from personal experience, it's a lot more men in our inbox then women

We're not looking for women so our in box is going to be male centred, it seems even in couples it's mostly the man messaging.

Yeah most of the couples I've spoke to have been the male.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I think women put in just as much effort, we just don't tend to broadcast it or moan about it.

Everyone should be fussy and because of that arranging good encounters takes effort, time and patience.

It is worth it though.

I think some people are wrongly thinking this is instashag.

While we might get more attention, it's not all good attention and takes a heck of a lot of effort to filter through to find the right people

I really don't think women put in as much effort as men

What do you mean by effort?

I think in terms of chasing women, men tend to more but women seem to put more effort into making the relationship work

Not all, but traditionally

But from personal experience, it's a lot more men in our inbox then women

We're not looking for women so our in box is going to be male centred, it seems even in couples it's mostly the man messaging.

Yeah most of the couples I've spoke to have been the male. "

Anyone who speaks to us is going to be talking to the woman

Mr N just looks over my shoulder and says "you've gone too far this time!"

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By *eard and Tatts OP Couple
over a year ago

Cwmbran

"I think women put in just as much effort, we just don't tend to broadcast it or moan about it.

Everyone should be fussy and because of that arranging good encounters takes effort, time and patience.

It is worth it though.

I think some people are wrongly thinking this is instashag.

While we might get more attention, it's not all good attention and takes a heck of a lot of effort to filter through to find the right people

I really don't think women put in as much effort as men

What do you mean by effort?

I think in terms of chasing women, men tend to more but women seem to put more effort into making the relationship work

Not all, but traditionally

But from personal experience, it's a lot more men in our inbox then women

We're not looking for women so our in box is going to be male centred, it seems even in couples it's mostly the man messaging.

Yeah most of the couples I've spoke to have been the male.

Anyone who speaks to us is going to be talking to the woman

Mr N just looks over my shoulder and says "you've gone too far this time!"

I don't have that luxury. I only have two speeds, "quiet" and "you've fucked up again"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Perhaps one reason is down to the numbers as currently the ratio on fab is at least 100 men to every woman on fab and so us men need to make at least some effort to stand out.

As for the comments about being 'desperate' and selling their sexuality, I'm afraid that I have to disagree.

Whilst I can't speak for other men, personally, I see no reason why I should lower my standards or take whatever offers I get - if I've interpreted it right - and I think that any perception any woman gets that anyone approaching them is doing this is likely to be detrimental and self defeating as I'm pretty sure that no woman is going to be very impressed or enthusiatic about meeting someone with such a mindset - if that makes any sense.

I'd compare this to those who make a big thing about making any mention on their profiles about getting that first verification.

Let's face it, if we felt that someone was only interested in meeting us in order to get that little green tick, we'd get the impression that they weren't necessarily interested in us personally and that all they were after was getting that veriifcation.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Anyone want popcorn

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By *offiaCoolWoman
over a year ago

Kidsgrove

It's purely numbers. If the male/female ratio was reversed, women would 'competing' in the same way men are now. The more there is to choose from allows the luxury of choice.

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By *ntrigued32Couple
over a year ago

Nottingham

Do they, really?!

I think if your effort isn't reciprocated. Take the hint.

And that goes for everyone.

Jo.Xx

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

".... Have to work harder then women to secure dates, meets etc? Is it because males are more desperate they will take anything including selling their own sexuality for a shot with a woman?

Is this why males pester more?

And not just on the site but in general, men always have to work harder, arrange the date, pay, make the first move etc

Is it tradition or just arrogance on a woman's part?

So much nope in this. Sorry.

On Fab it may appear the case but it's not. I never struggled as a solo guy on here. Ever. Fox on the other hand had to ward of tons of unwanted attention, despite using every filter going. There's only so much you can do when you can only sift messages based primarily on age, gender and a few other loose parameters. Even when finding potentially interesting suitors there was the mix of those desperate to meet asap due to a lack of sex, those promising they wanted regular meets yet would vanish after one, the ghosters the fantasists and the strangely 'never available' at the times they claimed they'd be. I had it easy in comparison. Women don't have the easy ride they're often said to have.

Then there's couples looking for couples. Four way attraction is fucking hard to find. Plus finding times when everyone is free due to work, childcare and other 'coupley' responsibilities. Way harder than for a single guy.

As for men having to 'always work harder, pay, make the first move etc.' ?

I think the 1950's just called and asked for their attitude back.

'Traditions' like those are only perpetuated these days by those looking for a convenient excuse as to why they find things hard on sites like this and in dating in the real world, or by muppets like Tate. The world moved on long ago. Nobody expects those stereotypes to be lived up to these days.

As to whether males pester more or not I'm on the fence. They may seem to, but is that due to the volumes of them swaying the results? Or is it the tiny minority behaving in ways so negative that it drives people to shout about them loudly and as such cause some to cast aspersions on the entire gender?

Because most people I know make no such assumptions about single guys and have never subscribed to the notion of tarring all with any brush, recognising that individuals can be fucknuggets regardless of gender and that their behaviour only reflects on themselves, not others.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Also reward is directly correlated to effort, if it’s easy you aren’t working at it, life’s not about coasting and having it easy, you don’t tell your children not to try and be excellent, you don’t tell your work colleagues not to bother working hard, it’s the same for fab, life everything surely

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I generally message people I'm interested in first, I always pay my own way on meets, I'll often make a suggestion of where to meet up that is fair travel wise... I'm not sitting on my hands like some passive wallflower waiting on a man to notice me

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By *ansoffateMan
over a year ago

Sagittarius A

It's a dance and every dance is different. There's always ebb and flow. If it was static it would be lifeless.

If it feels natural, I continue to engage.

If she isn't synchronising with you, then the discordance is probably between who she is and what you desire.

Why put effort into someone you think to be arrogant, or attention seeking etc etc?

I can honestly say, on occasion women have put huge effort in, sometimes without me realising till the moment of critical mass. You may well be missing that whilst you bang your head against a brick wall.

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By *ravelling_WilburyMan
over a year ago

Beverley

"I've just noticed the last line. I think you might have got away with it otherwise, OP.

Well people can misinterpret it how they like. It's a genuine question"

It's difficult to misinterpret when the only options are tradition and arrogance

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By *eard and Tatts OP Couple
over a year ago

Cwmbran

Some decent replies here people. Maybe I'm wrong and basing my assumptions off older world values

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By *eard and Tatts OP Couple
over a year ago

Cwmbran

"I've just noticed the last line. I think you might have got away with it otherwise, OP.

Well people can misinterpret it how they like. It's a genuine question

It's difficult to misinterpret when the only options are tradition and arrogance "

Well you'll have to excuse my poor choice of words on this one good sir

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By *ansoffateMan
over a year ago

Sagittarius A

"Some decent replies here people. Maybe I'm wrong and basing my assumptions off older world values

I'm sure there's some truth to it. I've had women openly express how slut-shaming affects them, for example.

Personal experience too I would say plays a large part.

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By *ravelling_WilburyMan
over a year ago

Beverley

"I've just noticed the last line. I think you might have got away with it otherwise, OP.

Well people can misinterpret it how they like. It's a genuine question

It's difficult to misinterpret when the only options are tradition and arrogance

Well you'll have to excuse my poor choice of words on this one good sir

No problem young man

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By *4bimMan
over a year ago

Farnborough Hampshire

I find the women interested in you do make an effort.

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By *imi_RougeWoman
over a year ago

Portsmouth

I don't think they actually do though, very few men put in any effort.

They might chase and pester, but that's not the same as requesting a social, arranging a time and place, and turning up, looking half decent and buying the coffee!

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

I don't chase or hunt on here and never have done. I don't want to be chased or hunted either and anyone doing so will be ignored.

That's why I spend so much time getting to know people before even being for a social. Partly to ensure we are compatible and partly to ensure they are making a similar amount of effort.

I've said many times on threads offering advice to single men about improving their experience with a little more effort that it should apply to everyone and not just men.

Of course women and couples will get lots of offers regardless of how sparse or lazy their profiles are but it's all a bit pointless if they aren't the quality offers they expect.

Laziness begats laziness.

Anyone wishing to be successful here has to make an effort and if they don't they have no reason to whinge about poor experiences as a direct result of their own lack of effort.

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By *eard and Tatts OP Couple
over a year ago

Cwmbran

"I've just noticed the last line. I think you might have got away with it otherwise, OP.

Well people can misinterpret it how they like. It's a genuine question

It's difficult to misinterpret when the only options are tradition and arrogance

Well you'll have to excuse my poor choice of words on this one good sir

No problem young man

I'll take that

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By *ex HolesMan
over a year ago

Up North

#notallmen

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

"#notallmen

What's wrong with tall men?

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By *mf123Man
over a year ago

with one foot out the door

Iv no intrest in effort

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By *nkyCplCouple
over a year ago

Northampton

I’m an old romantic so prefer it that way personally.

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

Men don't have to do anything.

I don't force anyone to message me to see if I'm interested.

As for arranging dates and paying for things, I've picked a pub and got the drinks in before they've got there.

I put a lot of effort into finding the right men for me; if they think I'm hard work I'm sure there'll be someone in need of a quick fuck who doesn't care who puts his dick inside her.

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By *nkyCplCouple
over a year ago

Northampton

".... Have to work harder then women to secure dates, meets etc? Is it because males are more desperate they will take anything including selling their own sexuality for a shot with a woman?

Is this why males pester more?

And not just on the site but in general, men always have to work harder, arrange the date, pay, make the first move etc

Is it tradition or just arrogance on a woman's part?

Ask most guys on here if a lass has ever approached them first regarding going a date, and if they answer honestly, I can’t imagine many have. There are of course exceptions, but on the whole it’s the blokes making the first move. So I agree with a lot of what you say.

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By *vilgasamWoman
over a year ago

The dot in the i

Men don’t have to work hard, they do of their own accord by sending millions of messages to anyone they cross paths with

Women here are inundated because of this

Men did that themselves, just calm down and let us come to you

Although we know you won’t, which is a shame

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By *arry LickitMan
over a year ago

Wales

It's the way if the world. Women are waiters, men are chasers.

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By *eyond PurityCouple
over a year ago

Lincolnshire

Everyone should make an effort on here - we wouldn’t engage with someone who doesn’t.

But we get loads of messages from people who don’t and when C was single and had a profile on here, before she posted pics she got hundreds of messages.

So it appears men don’t help themselves - they’ll message anyone and everyone and because of that it seems the men do more chasing when in reality they don’t or shouldn’t - a lot will just send so many messages out, whether they match or not.

Due to this woman don’t have to send so many messages as they have to wade through the crap. Also women target people they think they’d match with.

So if guys thought with their brains in their heads and not their dicks then the site would work easier and there would be more parity

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I find the women interested in you do make an effort.

That's the crux right there. Perhaps the OP's profile just isn't attractive to women.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

When I was meeting I used to out a lot of effort into selecting guys I was compatible with. I'd usually suggest a location and would never expect a guy to pay for me. It worked for me as I never had a no show or cancellation.

I wasn't one to sit around waiting for a guy to do everything

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By *ris GrayMan
over a year ago

Dorchester

".... Have to work harder then women to secure dates, meets etc? Is it because males are more desperate they will take anything including selling their own sexuality for a shot with a woman?

Is this why males pester more?

And not just on the site but in general, men always have to work harder, arrange the date, pay, make the first move etc

Is it tradition or just arrogance on a woman's part?

"
Just simply more men

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

Is making the first move hard work for a man?

If I see someone I'm interested in on a night out I'll smile at him. If he's interested he'll smile back and approach me. I'll offer to buy a drink, or offer to get them if he asks first.

Is that hard work?

Do men think being turned down by women who aren't interested in them is hard work?

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By *nkyCplCouple
over a year ago

Northampton

"Is making the first move hard work for a man?

If I see someone I'm interested in on a night out I'll smile at him. If he's interested he'll smile back and approach me. I'll offer to buy a drink, or offer to get them if he asks first.

Is that hard work?

Do men think being turned down by women who aren't interested in them is hard work?

Certainly not a great feeling when you get rejected so just getting the courage to approach a lass is hard work.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Women have vaginas. Men over value the vagina. Mens need to understand sammich construction capability is more valuable than the vaginas.

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

"Is making the first move hard work for a man?

If I see someone I'm interested in on a night out I'll smile at him. If he's interested he'll smile back and approach me. I'll offer to buy a drink, or offer to get them if he asks first.

Is that hard work?

Do men think being turned down by women who aren't interested in them is hard work?

Certainly not a great feeling when you get rejected so just getting the courage to approach a lass is hard work."

I imagine it can be embarrassing or dejecting but they must know that every woman they approach can't be interested, or not available.

I wouldn't call it hard work though.

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By *nkyCplCouple
over a year ago

Northampton

"Is making the first move hard work for a man?

If I see someone I'm interested in on a night out I'll smile at him. If he's interested he'll smile back and approach me. I'll offer to buy a drink, or offer to get them if he asks first.

Is that hard work?

Do men think being turned down by women who aren't interested in them is hard work?

Certainly not a great feeling when you get rejected so just getting the courage to approach a lass is hard work.

I imagine it can be embarrassing or dejecting but they must know that every woman they approach can't be interested, or not available.

I wouldn't call it hard work though.

Why is it you won’t approach a guy then out of interest?

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By *ayleePhoenixTV/TS
over a year ago

Bristol

Perhaps if more men actually read a profile properly and took in the pertinent points of information, it would help them reduce a waste of effort.

Also "hi, how are you?" Or "hi, would love to meet" are just lazy opening messages. Something a bit more interesting to capture some interest and be a bit different would help.

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By *nkyCplCouple
over a year ago

Northampton

"Perhaps if more men actually read a profile properly and took in the pertinent points of information, it would help them reduce a waste of effort.

Also "hi, how are you?" Or "hi, would love to meet" are just lazy opening messages. Something a bit more interesting to capture some interest and be a bit different would help."

The OP meant in general, not just on here I believe.

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By *rFoxAndXenoCouple
over a year ago

Weymouth

Regarding the "life in general" comment, that's completely false. When I was single I was taken for an absolute ride by every single guy I dated - they lead me on, getting anything like dates etc was like squeezing blood from a stone, they were users and liars and I'm well rid of them all.

It doesn't mean men are lazy and arrogant, it just means THOSE men were.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"No, no they don't.

I don't think or like men arranging everything, paying for it all.

On a site like this, it might seem like men need to make more of an effort - that's down to a number bias. Yes, men might have to make more of an effort on their profile.

Good point well said

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By *nkyCplCouple
over a year ago

Northampton

"Regarding the "life in general" comment, that's completely false. When I was single I was taken for an absolute ride by every single guy I dated - they lead me on, getting anything like dates etc was like squeezing blood from a stone, they were users and liars and I'm well rid of them all.

It doesn't mean men are lazy and arrogant, it just means THOSE men were."

In your current relationship who asked who on the first date?

Just because you’ve had bad experiences doesn’t mean what the op said is “completely false”. They do sound awful though, us blokes can be twats!

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By *rFoxAndXenoCouple
over a year ago

Weymouth

It doesn't mean men are lazy and arrogant, it just means THOSE men were.

In your current relationship who asked who on the first date?

Just because you’ve had bad experiences doesn’t mean what the op said is “completely false”. They do sound awful though, us blokes can be twats!"

It is "completely false" that women are all arrogant etc etc etc, I think my comparison was quite clear

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By *ezebel100Woman
over a year ago

Birmingham

"I think women put in just as much effort, we just don't tend to broadcast it or moan about it.

Everyone should be fussy and because of that arranging good encounters takes effort, time and patience.

It is worth it though.

I think some people are wrongly thinking this is instashag.

While we might get more attention, it's not all good attention and takes a heck of a lot of effort to filter through to find the right people

Alot of men do think it's instashag on here and that a woman will just drop her knickers because he's messaged and said "Hi".

I've made it very clear I'm after a regular arrangement but I've lost count of how many offers of same day f**k meets I've had. The vast majority of guys who message make no effort at all.

I want a connection which means the chat needs to encompass other things besides sex and I wish it was easier for them to understand this and make more of an effort.

When I have met I always try and suggest somewhere half way and invariably it's me that gets told to choose, not sure if that's because they can't be bothered or they think letting me choose will make me more comfortable. If I get there first I'll buy the drinks if I don't I'll offer to buy the next round.

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

I don't think men so work harder, judging on here they definitely find it harder but work harder....no, sending a cock in the inbox isn't exactly hard work, or the fancy a fuck messages, again zero effort or one we had just the letter E, I mean where's the work your talking about??

Arrogance on a woman's part for all this hard work I've never seen, erm....no!

I pay my way & I'll put the effort in.

Mrs

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By *nkyCplCouple
over a year ago

Northampton

It doesn't mean men are lazy and arrogant, it just means THOSE men were.

In your current relationship who asked who on the first date?

Just because you’ve had bad experiences doesn’t mean what the op said is “completely false”. They do sound awful though, us blokes can be twats!

It is "completely false" that women are all arrogant etc etc etc, I think my comparison was quite clear

He never stated they were, he asked a question. So who asked who on the first date out of you guys?

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I don't think people always recognise the work on the other side of the equation, in these dynamics.

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By *rFoxAndXenoCouple
over a year ago

Weymouth

It doesn't mean men are lazy and arrogant, it just means THOSE men were.

In your current relationship who asked who on the first date?

Just because you’ve had bad experiences doesn’t mean what the op said is “completely false”. They do sound awful though, us blokes can be twats!

It is "completely false" that women are all arrogant etc etc etc, I think my comparison was quite clear

He never stated they were, he asked a question. So who asked who on the first date out of you guys?

Have you got our green arrow bookmarked?

He certainly suggested they were all arrogant.

We both talked about the idea.

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By *ehindHerEyesCouple
over a year ago

SomewhereOnlyWeKnow

I would never spending time convincing someone to meet with me.

It’s either they want to or don’t it’s that simple.

Yes i made an effort on my bio and photos when i was single but that is more of a reflection of who I am rather than competing against other males which is a difficult thing mentally to do when often at times i do need the attention.

I always go by the motto don’t sell to someone who doesn’t want to buy

Marc

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By *nkyCplCouple
over a year ago

Northampton

It doesn't mean men are lazy and arrogant, it just means THOSE men were.

In your current relationship who asked who on the first date?

Just because you’ve had bad experiences doesn’t mean what the op said is “completely false”. They do sound awful though, us blokes can be twats!

It is "completely false" that women are all arrogant etc etc etc, I think my comparison was quite clear

He never stated they were, he asked a question. So who asked who on the first date out of you guys?

Have you got our green arrow bookmarked?

He certainly suggested they were all arrogant.

We both talked about the idea."

Not sure what you mean by the bookmark comment tbh.

He never suggested it at all, his words are there and clear, you’ve just chosen to interpret a different way due to past experiences.

So basically he asked you, absolutely nothing wrong with it, just making a point that the majority of the time the onus is on the guy to make the first move.

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By *nkyCplCouple
over a year ago

Northampton

"I don't think people always recognise the work on the other side of the equation, in these dynamics."

This is true. I think women put in an awful lot of effort into making relationships work.

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By *rFoxAndXenoCouple
over a year ago

Weymouth

It doesn't mean men are lazy and arrogant, it just means THOSE men were.

In your current relationship who asked who on the first date?

Just because you’ve had bad experiences doesn’t mean what the op said is “completely false”. They do sound awful though, us blokes can be twats!

It is "completely false" that women are all arrogant etc etc etc, I think my comparison was quite clear

He never stated they were, he asked a question. So who asked who on the first date out of you guys?

Have you got our green arrow bookmarked?

He certainly suggested they were all arrogant.

We both talked about the idea.

Not sure what you mean by the bookmark comment tbh.

He never suggested it at all, his words are there and clear, you’ve just chosen to interpret a different way due to past experiences.

So basically he asked you, absolutely nothing wrong with it, just making a point that the majority of the time the onus is on the guy to make the first move. "

He was already a frequent visitor to my area, I suggested it even though I chickened out initially lol. But I'll let you win this one if it helps

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By *nkyCplCouple
over a year ago

Northampton

It doesn't mean men are lazy and arrogant, it just means THOSE men were.

In your current relationship who asked who on the first date?

Just because you’ve had bad experiences doesn’t mean what the op said is “completely false”. They do sound awful though, us blokes can be twats!

It is "completely false" that women are all arrogant etc etc etc, I think my comparison was quite clear

He never stated they were, he asked a question. So who asked who on the first date out of you guys?

Have you got our green arrow bookmarked?

He certainly suggested they were all arrogant.

We both talked about the idea.

Not sure what you mean by the bookmark comment tbh.

He never suggested it at all, his words are there and clear, you’ve just chosen to interpret a different way due to past experiences.

So basically he asked you, absolutely nothing wrong with it, just making a point that the majority of the time the onus is on the guy to make the first move.

He was already a frequent visitor to my area, I suggested it even though I chickened out initially lol. But I'll let you win this one if it helps

Not a case of winning, it’s just a discussion. Thanks for clarifying he did though.

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By *rFoxAndXenoCouple
over a year ago

Weymouth

It doesn't mean men are lazy and arrogant, it just means THOSE men were.

In your current relationship who asked who on the first date?

Just because you’ve had bad experiences doesn’t mean what the op said is “completely false”. They do sound awful though, us blokes can be twats!

It is "completely false" that women are all arrogant etc etc etc, I think my comparison was quite clear

He never stated they were, he asked a question. So who asked who on the first date out of you guys?

Have you got our green arrow bookmarked?

He certainly suggested they were all arrogant.

We both talked about the idea.

Not sure what you mean by the bookmark comment tbh.

He never suggested it at all, his words are there and clear, you’ve just chosen to interpret a different way due to past experiences.

So basically he asked you, absolutely nothing wrong with it, just making a point that the majority of the time the onus is on the guy to make the first move.

He was already a frequent visitor to my area, I suggested it even though I chickened out initially lol. But I'll let you win this one if it helps

Not a case of winning, it’s just a discussion. Thanks for clarifying he did though.

I'm literally telling you you're wrong but you're determined

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By *nkyCplCouple
over a year ago

Northampton

"He was already a frequent visitor to my area, I suggested it even though I chickened out initially lol. But I'll let you win this one if it helps

Not a case of winning, it’s just a discussion. Thanks for clarifying he did though.

I'm literally telling you you're wrong but you're determined

You said you chickened out which logically says to me he asked. Not sure what you think I’m determined about.

My point is that for most (not all) guys we’re expected to approach first and yes it’s hard work. I personally don’t see it as a bad thing and women put in more work in other areas. This is the way.

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By *rFoxAndXenoCouple
over a year ago

Weymouth

"He was already a frequent visitor to my area, I suggested it even though I chickened out initially lol. But I'll let you win this one if it helps

Not a case of winning, it’s just a discussion. Thanks for clarifying he did though.

I'm literally telling you you're wrong but you're determined

You said you chickened out which logically says to me he asked. Not sure what you think I’m determined about.

A Mando approved comment!

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

I make a big effort if I am engaged. Some of my replies can be epic. But if there is not the connection there why would I bother making much effort? I always offer to pay but won't argue if the guy insists.

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By *nkyCplCouple
over a year ago

Northampton

"He was already a frequent visitor to my area, I suggested it even though I chickened out initially lol. But I'll let you win this one if it helps

Not a case of winning, it’s just a discussion. Thanks for clarifying he did though.

I'm literally telling you you're wrong but you're determined

You said you chickened out which logically says to me he asked. Not sure what you think I’m determined about.

A Mando approved comment!

Yay to compromise over Star Wars.

We’re just clearly two opinionated, feisty fuckers

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't think they actually do though, very few men put in any effort.

They might chase and pester, but that's not the same as requesting a social, arranging a time and place, and turning up, looking half decent and buying the coffee! "

Exactly this. The "effort" men put in seems to be to have a half arsed attempt at a profile (songle man looking for women and couples, a few pics of their dick). A message saying, "you're fit, lets fuck tonight."

Not reading our carefully put together profiles, which state our preferences.

I have had to arrange the meets I have had, setting the time and place. If it is not me travelling to meet them, it is me having to make sure that my house is spotless because they can't accomodate. Usually because they still live at home, or shared house, or are doing the dirty on their partner.

We may get a lot of messages, but I see women as having to put in way more effort.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've had a think about this, and looked back at the last few women I've dated, plus there has been a couple more that have expressed interest.

I don't find it to be true that women put in less effort.

In fact, I'd likely be a virgin if it was up to me to put in that effort.

My partner has commented several times that I was hard work and placed her in the friend zone.

I'm not stating I'm a catch, more that I miss the obvious signs.

From this, I'm thinking you may be chasing the wrong women, or going about it the wrong way. Maybe.

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By *uer MalusMan
over a year ago

Narnia

Funny to watch the guys not miss a chance to play the sensitive considerate role in there responses…

Where the fuck is the vomit emoji!

There are 10000 guys for every woman (or couple looking for a guy) on here. Basic Darwinian economics suggest the boys have to peddle faster.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Society installs in us all that men are to pursue and women are to be pursued. Once you find the right person, there will be no chasing. Effort will be equal and a partnership will be born.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

From my experience, it's not just men that do. I have to put in the effort too to reap the rewards. It's certainly not handed on a plate to me that's for sure.

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By *r-8-BBCMan
over a year ago

LONDON

"I don’t begrudge women having standards.

Charge it to the game "

Exactly

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By *nkyCplCouple
over a year ago

Northampton

"Funny to watch the guys not miss a chance to play the sensitive considerate role in there responses…

Where the fuck is the vomit emoji!

There are 10000 guys for every woman (or couple looking for a guy) on here. Basic Darwinian economics suggest the boys have to peddle faster."

Balls I blew it!

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

There's an old saying

'he chased her until *she* caught him'

A lot of men think they've made the first move or they've done all the running when in fact they've been lead by the nose (or other part of body).

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By *ose-tinted GlassesMan
over a year ago

Glasgow / London

"There's an old saying

'he chased her until *she* caught him'

A lot of men think they've made the first move or they've done all the running when in fact they've been lead by the nose (or other part of body). "

Bingo. A tale as old as time.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Another old saying

'a woman will draw him further than gunpowder will blow him'

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"There's an old saying

'he chased her until *she* caught him'

A lot of men think they've made the first move or they've done all the running when in fact they've been lead by the nose (or other part of body).

Bingo. A tale as old as time."

I think it's about understanding the way society has defined how men and women should behave. It's mostly made us develop varying ways of communicating interest

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By *oyahandrussCouple
over a year ago

Nr Rugby

"I don’t begrudge women having standards.

Charge it to the game "

I can lower my age lol & standard for you Mr Px

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

Because we get paid more obviously

The mr

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By *nkyCplCouple
over a year ago

Northampton

"Because we get paid more obviously

The mr "

Pulling the bin, throwing the grenade in the mixed and observing the carnage…some people just want to watch the world burn!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Isnt it universal (ish) all over the animal world. The male is bright and sparkly and does a lot of dancing around to get the ladies to his bed. And then usually fucks off to some unknown but surely relaxing place leaving her to bring up some straggling brood alone?

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By *2000ManMan
over a year ago

Worthing

I like a challenge.

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By *t0600Man
over a year ago

elvedon

Because the majority of men are clueless with women ??

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By *rispyDuckMan
over a year ago

Chinese Takeaway near you

"Society installs in us all that men are to pursue and women are to be pursued. Once you find the right person, there will be no chasing. Effort will be equal and a partnership will be born."

Totally agree with this

Only chase after someone whose shown their worth your time & effort & can reciprocate with the same enthusiasm

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By *nkyCplCouple
over a year ago

Northampton

"Isnt it universal (ish) all over the animal world. The male is bright and sparkly and does a lot of dancing around to get the ladies to his bed. And then usually fucks off to some unknown but surely relaxing place leaving her to bring up some straggling brood alone? "

So basically we’re just big, cunty peacocks? I’ll take it!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So basically we’re just big, cunty peacocks? I’ll take it!

Yes

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By *oeBeansMan
over a year ago

Derby

Does anyone else's anus crawl up to their neck when they read the phrase "why do men..."?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Firstly the ratio of men to women favour the female sex on here. Therefore men have to stand out more in a crowded field ... simple maths.

However it's not hard to stand out when too many people think "wanna fuck?" as an opening line is going to get them a meet.

As a female member of fab having a busy life and standards is not arrogance it makes sure my needs and desires are met and I am safe and going to enjoy a meet. I need to have a level of attraction to the person I am going to meet. I will only meet when suits me.

Ultimately I am here for my own pleasure and don't owe anyone on here anything and they don't owe me either. If the odds are against you then that's not my issue.

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By *aith SkynbyrdWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere else

"I think women put in just as much effort, we just don't tend to broadcast it or moan about it.

Everyone should be fussy and because of that arranging good encounters takes effort, time and patience.

It is worth it though.

I think some people are wrongly thinking this is instashag.

While we might get more attention, it's not all good attention and takes a heck of a lot of effort to filter through to find the right people

I tried so many times to explain this to my ex.

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By *ackformore100Man
over a year ago

Tin town

".... Have to work harder then women to secure dates, meets etc? Is it because males are more desperate they will take anything including selling their own sexuality for a shot with a woman?

Is this why males pester more?

And not just on the site but in general, men always have to work harder, arrange the date, pay, make the first move etc

Is it tradition or just arrogance on a woman's part?

Bit of both... That and sexism of course... Maybe

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By *ackformore100Man
over a year ago

Tin town

Would be handy if there were some rules though. Imean some women expect you to pay... Its a deal breaker. Some like it but dont mind. And some punch you on the nose at the notion of paying for them... Its a deal breaker. Help us out ladies... Pick a lane.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

".... Have to work harder then women to secure dates, meets etc? Is it because males are more desperate they will take anything including selling their own sexuality for a shot with a woman?

Is this why males pester more?

And not just on the site but in general, men always have to work harder, arrange the date, pay, make the first move etc

Is it tradition or just arrogance on a woman's part?

I love equality, when efforts are matched, the attraction is matched, the respect and decency, honesty and all the other things we could list that come with the territory.

If a man picks a lavish outing and earns far more than I do then maybe he should account for that, saving some embarrassment for or feelings of another negative nature.

But this can only happen with a certain level of trust and communication. And dates can be way too soon in the process or completely unnecessary in the context. So maybe it's a little harder to achieve than we would like.

I always think agreeing to go Dutch is the best way on the easier to navigate bits.

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By *oyahandrussCouple
over a year ago

Nr Rugby

"I think women put in just as much effort, we just don't tend to broadcast it or moan about it.

Everyone should be fussy and because of that arranging good encounters takes effort, time and patience.

It is worth it though.

I think some people are wrongly thinking this is instashag.

While we might get more attention, it's not all good attention and takes a heck of a lot of effort to filter through to find the right people

I really don't think women put in as much effort as men

What do you mean by effort?

I think in terms of chasing women, men tend to more but women seem to put more effort into making the relationship work

Not all, but traditionally

But from personal experience, it's a lot more men in our inbox then women

We're not looking for women so our in box is going to be male centred, it seems even in couples it's mostly the man messaging.

Yeah most of the couples I've spoke to have been the male.

Anyone who speaks to us is going to be talking to the woman

Mr N just looks over my shoulder and says "you've gone too far this time!"

Sister's in crime love you.x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

".... Have to work harder then women to secure dates, meets etc? Is it because males are more desperate they will take anything including selling their own sexuality for a shot with a woman?

Is this why males pester more?

And not just on the site but in general, men always have to work harder, arrange the date, pay, make the first move etc

Is it tradition or just arrogance on a woman's part?

I don't believe that arrogant women exist - especially on sites like this.

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By *nkyCplCouple
over a year ago

Northampton

".... Have to work harder then women to secure dates, meets etc? Is it because males are more desperate they will take anything including selling their own sexuality for a shot with a woman?

Is this why males pester more?

And not just on the site but in general, men always have to work harder, arrange the date, pay, make the first move etc

Is it tradition or just arrogance on a woman's part?

I don't believe that arrogant women exist - especially on sites like this. "

Clearly haven’t met my ex.

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By *rder66Man
over a year ago

Tatooine

'selling their own sexuality', not sure what you mean.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Would be handy if there were some rules though. Imean some women expect you to pay... Its a deal breaker. Some like it but dont mind. And some punch you on the nose at the notion of paying for them... Its a deal breaker. Help us out ladies... Pick a lane. "

I think there's a simple solution, just ask at the time .... Would you mind me paying?

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

"Is making the first move hard work for a man?

If I see someone I'm interested in on a night out I'll smile at him. If he's interested he'll smile back and approach me. I'll offer to buy a drink, or offer to get them if he asks first.

Is that hard work?

Do men think being turned down by women who aren't interested in them is hard work?

Certainly not a great feeling when you get rejected so just getting the courage to approach a lass is hard work.

I imagine it can be embarrassing or dejecting but they must know that every woman they approach can't be interested, or not available.

I wouldn't call it hard work though.

Why is it you won’t approach a guy then out of interest?"

I would if I were looking for a relationship, and saw someone I thought might also be interested.

At my age most men are in committed relationships , and I rarely go anywhere to meet men in my age bracket.

If I'm out with my sister we're usually in a pub and I'm not interested in the men who drink there.

I'm not much of a catch to be fair.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

".... Have to work harder then women to secure dates, meets etc? Is it because males are more desperate they will take anything including selling their own sexuality for a shot with a woman?

Is this why males pester more?

And not just on the site but in general, men always have to work harder, arrange the date, pay, make the first move etc

Is it tradition or just arrogance on a woman's part?

I work in an office full of women and they do nothing but talk about how great each other are and how much they hate men and think they are stupid. I’m treated like a leper. I work my ass off and take care of all my affairs without complaint, they just moan about their privileges. Help

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By *eard and Tatts OP Couple
over a year ago

Cwmbran

"'selling their own sexuality', not sure what you mean."

It means that straight guys will suddenly become bisexual if they think they have a shot at the woman

That's the desperate lengths some will go to

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Look to nature.

The birds and other animals.

It’s always the male that has to show his suitability and primacy to interest a female in wanting to breed with home for strong healthy young.

On a very basic level we’re just animals still.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It takes a lot to maintain a 100% rejection rate with the women of fab.

Some just won't say no.

Shocking I know

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By *eard and Tatts OP Couple
over a year ago

Cwmbran

"Look to nature.

The birds and other animals.

It’s always the male that has to show his suitability and primacy to interest a female in wanting to breed with home for strong healthy young.

On a very basic level we’re just animals still. "

Exactly, males are built essentially to come and go.

Unless you're a female antelope. They're the equivalent of your basic fab male who won't take no for an answer

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We have the power on here, get over it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We have the power on here, get over it."

This attitude certainly helps

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Never been asked to sell my sexuality, I wonder if I'd get much for it? Like the rest of me it's slightly scuffed.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We have the power on here, get over it.

This attitude certainly helps "

I’d like to see your attitude when a woman is being unfairly treated outside of fab.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Men outnumber women at a rate of about 500 to 1. It’s just supply and demand. Women will always hold the power on here and the scene in general

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Men seem to be more desperate.

Most woman have higher standards. The amount of men to woman on the this site is heavily male.

So woman have more options.

I for one am picky. I dont want sex. I want good sex. With guys who are respectful.

Tbh, most guys ruin it for themselves with boring messages or dull profiles.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We have the power on here, get over it.

This attitude certainly helps

I’d like to see your attitude when a woman is being unfairly treated outside of fab. "

Men are quick to realise that there is a power imbalance when they find themselves at the wrong receiving end…

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By *eard and Tatts OP Couple
over a year ago

Cwmbran

"Never been asked to sell my sexuality, I wonder if I'd get much for it? Like the rest of me it's slightly scuffed."

Technically most on here are slightly scuffed, used and been through many users but if it works that's the main thing brother

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By *oeBeansMan
over a year ago

Derby

"We have the power on here, get over it."

While that is true, I think it can be helped if some guys didn't see any hole as a goal and rattle off a message to every woman on the site. Every so often I'll have a browse locally and for all the stick men get about their profiles, I have seen some genuinely shit women's profiles and yet they can still afford to be picky with the lack of effort they put in. It boggles my tiny mind...

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By *eard and Tatts OP Couple
over a year ago

Cwmbran

"Men seem to be more desperate.

Most woman have higher standards. The amount of men to woman on the this site is heavily male.

So woman have more options.

I for one am picky. I dont want sex. I want good sex. With guys who are respectful.

Tbh, most guys ruin it for themselves with boring messages or dull profiles. "

This

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We have the power on here, get over it.

It is also the reflection of the wider society. How men see us.

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By *eard and Tatts OP Couple
over a year ago

Cwmbran

"We have the power on here, get over it."

You don't

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By *tsJustKateWoman
over a year ago

London

"I don't think they actually do though, very few men put in any effort.

They might chase and pester, but that's not the same as requesting a social, arranging a time and place, and turning up, looking half decent and buying the coffee!

Not reading our carefully put together profiles, which state our preferences.

We may get a lot of messages, but I see women as having to put in way more effort. "

This!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We have the power on here, get over it.

You don't "

That’s why you did that thread

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By *oeBeansMan
over a year ago

Derby

"We have the power on here, get over it.

It is also the reflection of the wider society. How men see us."

*Some men, of course

but yeah, that's a fair point. I'd like to think it's slowly changing though, if not quickly enough!

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By *eard and Tatts OP Couple
over a year ago

Cwmbran

"We have the power on here, get over it.

You don't

That’s why you did that thread

Someone working harder in life doesn't automatically give someone else complete power. If anything, it just makes them lazier

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We have the power on here, get over it.

You don't

That’s why you did that thread

Someone working harder in life doesn't automatically give someone else complete power. If anything, it just makes them lazier "

Keep telling that to yourself while I am enjoying the power of my pussy

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By *ittlemiss Hal O weenCouple
over a year ago

Southampton

Or.... how about...why do men agree to meet then don't bother to show up without so much as a bye your leave or thank you?? Fml

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By *eard and Tatts OP Couple
over a year ago

Cwmbran

"We have the power on here, get over it.

You don't

That’s why you did that thread

Someone working harder in life doesn't automatically give someone else complete power. If anything, it just makes them lazier

Keep telling that to yourself while I am enjoying the power of my pussy "

You don't hold anything over me. Good day ma'am

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By *eard and Tatts OP Couple
over a year ago

Cwmbran

"Or.... how about...why do men agree to meet then don't bother to show up without so much as a bye your leave or thank you?? Fml"

Nerves? Or probably because we're useless

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Easier to just give up.

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By *eard and Tatts OP Couple
over a year ago

Cwmbran

"Easier to just give up."

True, but make sure you give it your best before you do

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

"Men outnumber women at a rate of about 500 to 1. It’s just supply and demand. Women will always hold the power on here and the scene in general

Mr"

The numbers mean nothing. Unless of course you fall into the trap of believing that ratios are the most important thing and that individuals can't co trol their own interactions and behaviour.

There could be 100 women for every man and still many would fail to get meets on here because they act and behave in a way that doesn't attract and interest people.

The same with couples.

There are plenty of men living a full and happy swinging life on Fab and having little to complain about, because they don't allow number imbalances to impact how they use the site, see themselves (rightly) as equals to women and couples and don't blame either the numbers or the actions of others for any rejections they get. They just get on with Fab life.

There's no hierarchy placing women on a pedestal. There's no unwritten rule saying men are beneath women and couples in any pecking order.

If people stopped peddling this BS and recognised that any lack of success is more down to lack of (the right kind of) effort, portraying themselves badly in profiles, sending crass messages and basically acting like a dog on heat, then maybe the myth that 'its all about the ratios' would disappear.

But hey. Its always much easier to blame numbers and the actions of others than to look inwards and recognise that your own worst enemy is yourself.

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By *nkyCplCouple
over a year ago

Northampton

"We have the power on here, get over it."

Ha ha ha what a load of rubbish, get over it!

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By *irty_DeedsMan
over a year ago

Teesside

Isn't it just a numbers game? Men have to work harder because there's more of them on fab?

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By *unnyPairCouple
over a year ago

Seminole

Pussy and money make the world go round….it’s a fact.

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By *nkyCplCouple
over a year ago

Northampton

[Removed by poster at 17/05/23 09:09:42]

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By *oleraine-coupleCouple
over a year ago

coleraine

Really wasn’t expecting this to be a post from a couple.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When I look at a lot of my last relationships. I did all the running. I made all the effort, I had to as they wouldn't. At the time I thought that was OK. Im a giver, an arranger and I love doing things for others. However looking back actually it wasn't ok.

Effort should be a two way street. If its not maybe they just aren't really that interested.

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By *4bimMan
over a year ago

Farnborough Hampshire

"Society installs in us all that men are to pursue and women are to be pursued. Once you find the right person, there will be no chasing. Effort will be equal and a partnership will be born."

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By *ezebel100Woman
over a year ago

Birmingham

"When I look at a lot of my last relationships. I did all the running. I made all the effort, I had to as they wouldn't. At the time I thought that was OK. Im a giver, an arranger and I love doing things for others. However looking back actually it wasn't ok.

Effort should be a two way street. If its not maybe they just aren't really that interested.

Effort should be equal. I used to be like that. Was in a relationship last year and he put in hardly any effort, so I ended it. Not putting up with that any more. Same on here, the effort has to be reciprocated, although I do think the man should make the first move. It seems even in 2023 men much prefer to chase.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think women put in just as much effort, we just don't tend to broadcast it or moan about it.

Everyone should be fussy and because of that arranging good encounters takes effort, time and patience.

For me the latter paragraph hell yes I want my meet or meets to be special hope you have a great day

It is worth it though.

I think some people are wrongly thinking this is instashag.

While we might get more attention, it's not all good attention and takes a heck of a lot of effort to filter through to find the right people

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By *eard and Tatts OP Couple
over a year ago

Cwmbran

"Really wasn’t expecting this to be a post from a couple.

We didn't make this together lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Men outnumber women at a rate of about 500 to 1. It’s just supply and demand. Women will always hold the power on here and the scene in general

The numbers mean nothing. Unless of course you fall into the trap of believing that ratios are the most important thing and that individuals can't co trol their own interactions and behaviour.

There could be 100 women for every man and still many would fail to get meets on here because they act and behave in a way that doesn't attract and interest people.

The same with couples.

There's no hierarchy placing women on a pedestal. There's no unwritten rule saying men are beneath women and couples in any pecking order.

But hey. Its always much easier to blame numbers and the actions of others than to look inwards and recognise that your own worst enemy is yourself.

I quite literally never said any of that but your assumptions are appreciated. My point was that women outnumber men to such a degree on here that they have more to choose from. So the guys who put barely any effort into their messages, profile and generally how they behave, will always struggle to be the guys who get a response from single ladies.

At what point did I say men are beneath women? I simply pointed out that the demand is far higher than the supply, so the power of choice and selection will always sit with women. To deny that fact simply because it doesn’t align with your personal view doesn’t make sense.

I’ve been on the scene for many years both as a single guy and now as part of couple so I understand those two perspectives at least and what I’ve said is simply what I’ve seen and learnt in my time.

But hey, what do I know, I’m just out here peddling my BS

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By *eard and Tatts OP Couple
over a year ago

Cwmbran

Effort should be a two way street. If its not maybe they just aren't really that interested.

I love the traditional men chasing women, flowers, courtship etc

I just think it's a lot lot easier for women and I firmly stand by that

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By *andycandy88Woman
over a year ago

Northolt

I would say its tradition OP blame the design of society not the actual females. Xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Because the modern day women wont settle for mediocre anymore

Peach

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By *eard and Tatts OP Couple
over a year ago

Cwmbran

"Because the modern day women wont settle for mediocre anymore

Peach "

Mediocre in what? Looks?

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By *eard and Tatts OP Couple
over a year ago

Cwmbran

"I would say its tradition OP blame the design of society not the actual females. Xxx"

My intention wasn't to blame them so my apologies if I have upset any women here (or men, we're equal}

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By *nkyCplCouple
over a year ago

Northampton

[Removed by poster at 17/05/23 10:10:48]

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

Effort should be a two way street. If its not maybe they just aren't really that interested.

I think that's one of the hardest things to accept isn't it?

I'm very much a people pleaser. Love doing it. But in one relationship, as much as I enjoyed organising things, it became almost expected that I'd do everything. Because "women don't normally do that", he was always the one to plan things etc.

At first I loved it.

Over time I realised I was investing the energy and headspace into sorting things out. While freeing up his to plan things with other women.

I didn't really feel particularly loved or valued towards the end of it. Now, I want it to be equal. I don't need to be waiting for attention, effort from someone when there are so many more who'll be willing to meet me halfway.

So yes, it's lovely when men are more proactive - if they plan a date/a social. Makes me feel wanted. At the same time, I want to make someone else feel wanted.

If someone isn't making the effort with you, they're just not that into you. Regardless of gender.

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By *ackformore100Man
over a year ago

Tin town

"Because the modern day women wont settle for mediocre anymore

Peach "

After all. All women are the same arent they?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Because the modern day women wont settle for mediocre anymore

Peach

After all. All women are the same arent they? "

I’m a modern man…. Mediocre.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's hard work for you guys?

Oof.

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