FabSwingers.com forum: Monogamous or Open?

By *asper1987 OP Man
over a year ago

Glasgow

I’m in an Open relationship for over 13 years and I don’t see myself anymore going to a monogamous relationship anymore or ever, I just love flirting and sex with multiple partners to much, call me a hoe, but aren’t we all here for that? Been asked before how does it work and how did we got to the point of being open and not argue about it, well my darlings is simple; Communication! We discussed the rules but not the details, we both know we’re seeing other guys but we’ll never tell each other that we’re heading out for a date. We sometimes discuss and tell we met this and that, but mostly keeping it private. I believe that even we both know, respecting the other is more important and trying to not make them uncomfortable is very important for the well being. Sometimes a few rules work, like don’t fuck anyone at home or in your own bed, plenty of hotels and gay saunas for this. Don’t make common friends with those you bang could also avoid awkwardness, each rule to suit your needs. However the most important is to be trustful with your partner and discuss freely what you feel. Extra conjugal intercourse should not be felt like betraying. I personally believe that as long sex has no feelings involvement and it’s strictly for the pleasure of it, it’s not a sin. Learn to detach your parts from your heart, and always balance the weight of a dick/tits over the whole thing you got at home.

I know some relationships are more open and others are more private, so how does it works for you?

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

If it works for you then great and all power to you.

However, for me, monogamy is my go to. I like the intimacy and trust and comfort from having just one partner (albeit they’d have to be a right dirty git in the bedroom). I simply don’t like sharing. That said, I do have trust issues. Maybe if I didn’t have those issues then I’d be open to sharing, but as it is? I do and I’m not.

If that makes me a boring, selfish, vanilla cuntwaffle, so be it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've often thought about this lifestyle. It must be quite challenging in the early stages.

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

It's great it works for you, I personally couldn't do it, sex is one thing I can happily share but emotionally I need monogamy.

Mrs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Mine is open in all aspects of sex but closed for everything else. We don't date people just like variety in being with others. A lot of people don't understand it and think you can't love each other but it works for us.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m poly. Been with my partner for 8 years. And we’ve been open for about half our relationship.

Communication is so important like you say. So so important. I think acknowledging feelings no matter how difficult is also important. Don’t bury the jealousy or the insecurity when it comes up. Face it, talk about it, beat it!

And I similar to you have said that’s it.- I won’t do Monogamy again. I don’t believe it signs with my views on life. I struggle with the judgement from monogamous people. On here. On dating apps. At work etc. but as I learned in therapy, not being able to freely be who you are causes more strain than we realise. Anyway I think it’s nice seeing people be honest about non monogamous situations and what works for them. More power to you

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By *enrietteandSamCouple
over a year ago

Staffordshire

Our apartment smells of rich monogamy.

We also have many leather bound books.

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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago

London

"Our apartment smells of rich monogamy.

We also have many leather bound books."

Wankerman.

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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago

London

I would happily enjoy an open relationship. Just no one wants me.

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By *eroLondonMan
over a year ago

Mayfair

Great post, OP. I wish you good luck.

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By *asper1987 OP Man
over a year ago

Glasgow

"It's great it works for you, I personally couldn't do it, sex is one thing I can happily share but emotionally I need monogamy.

Mrs "

You’re confusing open relationships to emotional openness. Open relationships refer to sex only with other partners, i know often some affairs might happen but the main relationship is always to be respected.

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By * and R cple4Couple
over a year ago

swansea

We’ve made some great friends in this lifestyle we go out to concerts etc but it’s purely friendship and sexual.

We don’t do dates or anything separate it just doesn’t do anything for us.

Theirs so many different dynamics and as long as theirs plenty of communication and everyone is on the same page and everyone involved is happy that’s all that matters.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Our apartment smells of rich monogamy.

We also have many leather bound books."

Brilliant reference

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By *asper1987 OP Man
over a year ago

Glasgow

"I’m poly. Been with my partner for 8 years. And we’ve been open for about half our relationship.

Really love the way you put it. I feel people who are afraid to communicate and hide under “i can live with myself as I am” are not doing themselves any favour and just carrying a baggage that isn’t theirs. I do suffer a lot myself, especially from those saying ”it’s not fair, you have a boyfriend and I’m single, you’re going back to him while I remain alone”. I believe being single is a matter of own decision and self awareness. Lots of people should ask themselves, why are they single. Being their personality, being their prejudices, being their lifestyle, way of seeing things, selfishness, comfort zone, decision. I don’t believe people are single because everyone else is wrong, i somehow think some people are single because they are possessive and ask for more than they can provide. In a relationship you give 100 and receive 100. Sometimes you get 20 and give 80 and some times vice versa. It’s never equal but it works. Prince charming doesn’t exist, but we can at least try and see the one who tolerates our madness as such. I’m very happy to discuss all my needs and come to a common agreement than hiding under “this makes me happy” lie. Sometimes we need to communicate to learn our boundaries and where is the fine line between hurting someone or making them happy.

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By *asper1987 OP Man
over a year ago

Glasgow

"I would happily enjoy an open relationship. Just no one wants me. "

Don’t be ridiculous, just lower your expectations and they will find you. just get yourself out there and let them see you. You’re gorgeous gurl.

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By *asper1987 OP Man
over a year ago

Glasgow

"Great post, OP. I wish you good luck.

Thank you! I obviously started something.

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By *stellaWoman
over a year ago

London

"I would happily enjoy an open relationship. Just no one wants me.

Don’t be ridiculous, just lower your expectations and they will find you. just get yourself out there and let them see you. You’re gorgeous gurl. "

I’m all good. I am in a relationship with myself and the whole world really.

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By *asper1987 OP Man
over a year ago

Glasgow

"We’ve made some great friends in this lifestyle we go out to concerts etc but it’s purely friendship and sexual.

We don’t do dates or anything separate it just doesn’t do anything for us.

Theirs so many different dynamics and as long as theirs plenty of communication and everyone is on the same page and everyone involved is happy that’s all that matters."

Same here, we got plenty of friends who started by having some fun. Once we became friends we stopped the sex but remained friends, and further than that we do respect each other even more as friends as we know each-other’s “secret side”.

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By *asper1987 OP Man
over a year ago

Glasgow

"I would happily enjoy an open relationship. Just no one wants me.

Don’t be ridiculous, just lower your expectations and they will find you. just get yourself out there and let them see you. You’re gorgeous gurl.

I’m all good. I am in a relationship with myself and the whole world really.

I rather be single than in a relationship with the wrong possessive, dominant person. I’m someone’s half, partner in crime, husband but never be someone’s possession, like a car, watch, phone. Think open and you’ll find open, you don’t want to go in a relationship who keeps you as Gollum kept the ring.

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By *asper1987 OP Man
over a year ago

Glasgow

"Mine is open in all aspects of sex but closed for everything else. We don't date people just like variety in being with others. A lot of people don't understand it and think you can't love each other but it works for us. "

Fully agree, we tried the 3 some thing and it never works as we both like different things. Being in a intergenerational relationship it’s quite difficult to like the same thing. I like mature older fat men while he likes younger slimmer.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I find it very strange that many people here talk about monogamy as a couple when they're here having sex with others. That isn't monogamy. Or "coming off here" to start a relationship. I can't switch monogamy off and on again. I would really like to be in an open relationship or stag/vixen ideally. I was mono for a very long time. Not again.

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By *ellinever70Woman
over a year ago

Ayrshire

"I find it very strange that many people here talk about monogamy as a couple when they're here having sex with others. That isn't monogamy. Or "coming off here" to start a relationship. I can't switch monogamy off and on again. I would really like to be in an open relationship or stag/vixen ideally. I was mono for a very long time. Not again.

Can you see how perhaps a couple who only meet together with someone for a threesome could still consider themselves monogamous?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can you see how perhaps a couple who only meet together with someone for a threesome could still consider themselves monogamous?"

No. And it doesn't matter what I think, but I'm just saying I find it very hard to comprehend.

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By *hrista BellendWoman
over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

Do you mean a closed relationship OP?

You can have a open monogamous relationship for sexual sharing

Emotional sharing is polyamory

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By *asper1987 OP Man
over a year ago

Glasgow

"Do you mean a closed relationship OP?

You can have a open monogamous relationship for sexual sharing

Emotional sharing is polyamory"

I think an open relationship refers strictly to open sexually, I agree with the fact that is called Polyanory as well.

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By *iltsTSgirlTV/TS
over a year ago

chichester

for loving relationships I am monogamy based fab is just something to amuse while single

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By *elaninMaverickWoman
over a year ago

near Putney Heath

"I’m in an Open relationship for over 13 years and I don’t see myself anymore going to a monogamous relationship anymore or ever, I just love flirting and sex with multiple partners to much, call me a hoe, but aren’t we all here for that? Been asked before how does it work and how did we got to the point of being open and not argue about it, well my darlings is simple; Communication! We discussed the rules but not the details, we both know we’re seeing other guys but we’ll never tell each other that we’re heading out for a date. We sometimes discuss and tell we met this and that, but mostly keeping it private. I believe that even we both know, respecting the other is more important and trying to not make them uncomfortable is very important for the well being. Sometimes a few rules work, like don’t fuck anyone at home or in your own bed, plenty of hotels and gay saunas for this. Don’t make common friends with those you bang could also avoid awkwardness, each rule to suit your needs. However the most important is to be trustful with your partner and discuss freely what you feel. Extra conjugal intercourse should not be felt like betraying. I personally believe that as long sex has no feelings involvement and it’s strictly for the pleasure of it, it’s not a sin. Learn to detach your parts from your heart, and always balance the weight of a dick/tits over the whole thing you got at home.

I know some relationships are more open and others are more private, so how does it works for you? "

I've been monogamous and celibate. Who knows I might go back there. I won't say never.

I'm neurodivergent and it is hard to find people who can tolerate me in a committed relationship. I even find it hard to tolerate me. Lol! I also need alot of attention....in all aspects of my life. That can burn most people out....including therapists. I get fatigue and moody quite a lot so I can't do a lot of things that other people do in relationships and it is disabling. A lot of people do not want disabled life partners.

So my current status is solo polyamorous swinger with low libido.

I swing with men in couples together and alone but I always encourage them to put their primary partner first, especially when kids are involved.

I'm not afraid of feelings or people falling in love or out of love. It happens and it's no one's fault as long as you communicate and navigate it with fairness and respect.

I have an avoidant attachment style and a perspective of abandonment so I expect people to leave so I'm not devastated when they leave or die. I've been alone more than I've been with people so I know I can handle it when they eventually go.

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually

I don't tend to like just sex for the sake of it. I like to have an emotional investment and genuinely care about the people I'm with.

I also like to have multiple people I care about. And for them to have others they care about too

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