FabSwingers.com forum: Chatting someone up

By *stella OP Woman
over a year ago

London

Having a debate with a friend; I find it less scary going up and approaching someone I don’t know to flirt in real life (bar, club etc) than going on that first meet after speaking online a little. Fear of rejection is higher in the second scenario for me, whereas he feels going on dates/meets from virtual conversation to real life way easier than approaching someone on a night out. Which camp are you in?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We prefer real life as we can quickly read body language and facial expressions, the thought of chatting them up online and then having them pull a funny face when we walk through the door isn't a pleasant one.

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan
over a year ago

Den of Iniquity

I'm firmly the opposite tbf ..

I think after lots of messaging then you can kind of gauge the others interest level and if they still want to meet up then that's way easier for me ..

Could I walk up to an attractive lady in a club randomly..

Probably not

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We’re opposites when it comes to this.. C is quite confident over message but can be a bit shy at first in person whereas T is really confident and outgoing in person but can sometimes find it hard to start a conversation on here.

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By *iasubTV/TS
over a year ago

Ilkeston

[Removed by poster at 11/05/23 08:11:38]

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By *iasubTV/TS
over a year ago

Ilkeston

I prefer face to face as you can generally see body language as well as its easier to build natural conversation from what’s happening or the more traditional conversation starters. Plus you dont have to worry about being catfished

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By *hrek101Man
over a year ago

Herts

Opposite. Never chatted anyone up ever, wouldn't know where to begin. Meeting people from dating sites I'm good with as some kind of connection has been made and no fear of them just totally blanking you. I think I tried to approach females a couple of times in my younger days. The total look of disgust that I would dare talk to them and total rejection put me off for life thank you very much.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Goodness- the thought of talking to someone in person terrifies me but I can’t tell if it’s the anxiety or generational. I think it’s my anxiety because Lots of my friends growing up would chat girls up on the street etc. but I think the embarrassment of in person rejection scares me more.

anyway I think swiping apps make me feel more confident because the attraction bit is already out of the way. So the rejection is usually down to personality, dating skills, dating activity etc and so I’ve been told (and the evidence of first dates to more

supports) I am a good first date.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Estella, you’re just the Rizz goddess. Clearly.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've never chatted a guy up in real life. I usually look at the floor.

Online is easier because I can be "forum-friendly" and just chat rather than chat someone up.

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By *stella OP Woman
over a year ago

London

"Estella, you’re just the Rizz goddess. Clearly.

Never said I was successful

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By *stella OP Woman
over a year ago

London

I wonder if it’s easier for women to chat people up (be it other women or men) in person than it is for men as it’s less

expected societal pressure wise and as my friend says he worries he/men come across more creepy doing it in real life? I still think it’s how you frame your approach that’s important.

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By *stella OP Woman
over a year ago

London

Excuse the errant emoji in that message!

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By *essicaandmarkCouple
over a year ago

Glasgow

For me Male half it’s defo face to face.. for the same reason as OP don’t want to get hopes built up online and then not click in person.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Zero chance of me chatting anyone up. If someone approaches me, I assume they are looking for directions.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I couldn’t chat someone up in person like that. The fear of them laughing in my face is too much

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

I usually don’t approach men in person unless I’m a bit tiddly, and then it was me dancing up to them, shimmying in front of them and then dancing away again.

I’m very shy as well as socially awkward so to be honest I don’t chat anyone up. I’m rubbish at gauging if someone is interested in me.

At least on here, if they message, there is an initial interest, which helps me out no end!

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

Totally with you on this! Fab first meets terrify me for some reason and I’m a waffling nervous wreck, whereas I’m totally fine in a real life scenario.

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By *odgerMooreMan
over a year ago

Nowhere

I have way more success in real life - i get women making conversation if they have been earwigging my chats with friends and listening to my nonsense ( apparently im very funny….??) I guess im non threatening and approachable? Who knows but whatever I’m doing seems to work.

Meeting from Here is harder as I have a much Higher threshold before i’ll meet - if I can even get a conversation going. So many nutters online and fakes with 20 year old pics… in person you make that connection knowing thats who your talking to.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Estella, you’re just the Rizz goddess. Clearly.

Never said I was successful

I am nearly 100% certain you are always successful

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By *stella OP Woman
over a year ago

London

"I have way more success in real life - i get women making conversation if they have been earwigging my chats with friends and listening to my nonsense ( apparently im very funny….??) I guess im non threatening and approachable? Who knows but whatever I’m doing seems to work.

I’m totally a fake with 20yr old pics.

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By *odgerMooreMan
over a year ago

Nowhere

I’m totally a fake with 20yr old pics.

I still would!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I wonder if it’s easier for women to chat people up (be it other women or men) in person than it is for men as it’s less

expected societal pressure wise and as my friend says he worries he/men come across more creepy doing it in real life? I still think it’s how you frame your approach that’s important. "

Men are just creepy that’s all init

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By *heVonMatterhornsCouple
over a year ago

Lincoln

At a swinging event or social, there's like a ten percent chance I'll give it a go. Zero chance in a vanilla setting though. I've got literally no idea when someone's being friendly or actually wants to get in my pants unless they're direct, and I don't need my time ruined by being shot down (for real or imagined)

LvM

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By *stella OP Woman
over a year ago

London

"I wonder if it’s easier for women to chat people up (be it other women or men) in person than it is for men as it’s less

expected societal pressure wise and as my friend says he worries he/men come across more creepy doing it in real life? I still think it’s how you frame your approach that’s important.

Men are just creepy that’s all init

My mate genuinely fears he is! He’s actually adorable and funny and would do so well in person if he just seized the day.

I’m sad reading so many people fearing they’ll be flat out rejected/laughed at in person - it’s a beautiful thing to be flattered by an approach and I think people can say no with grace and not pulling down the other person. Why can’t humans lift each other up more?

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By *stella OP Woman
over a year ago

London

"At a swinging event or social, there's like a ten percent chance I'll give it a go. Zero chance in a vanilla setting though. I've got literally no idea when someone's being friendly or actually wants to get in my pants unless they're direct, and I don't need my time ruined by being shot down (for real or imagined)

LvM"

Time ruined? Tsk! It’s a wonderful way to spend time, making someone else feel good about themselves whatever the outcome, connecting and talking? Come on people, where’s the love?!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I wonder if it’s easier for women to chat people up (be it other women or men) in person than it is for men as it’s less

expected societal pressure wise and as my friend says he worries he/men come across more creepy doing it in real life? I still think it’s how you frame your approach that’s important.

Men are just creepy that’s all init

My mate genuinely fears he is! He’s actually adorable and funny and would do so well in person if he just seized the day.

You’re right it is flattering I’m sure and I wish we could be more uplifting to one another.

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By *stella OP Woman
over a year ago

London

"I wonder if it’s easier for women to chat people up (be it other women or men) in person than it is for men as it’s less

expected societal pressure wise and as my friend says he worries he/men come across more creepy doing it in real life? I still think it’s how you frame your approach that’s important.

Men are just creepy that’s all init

My mate genuinely fears he is! He’s actually adorable and funny and would do so well in person if he just seized the day.

You’re right it is flattering I’m sure and I wish we could be more uplifting to one another.

Let’s start the revolution!

Go forth and chat someone up today!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I wonder if it’s easier for women to chat people up (be it other women or men) in person than it is for men as it’s less

expected societal pressure wise and as my friend says he worries he/men come across more creepy doing it in real life? I still think it’s how you frame your approach that’s important.

Men are just creepy that’s all init

My mate genuinely fears he is! He’s actually adorable and funny and would do so well in person if he just seized the day.

You’re right it is flattering I’m sure and I wish we could be more uplifting to one another.

Let’s start the revolution!

Go forth and chat someone up today! "

At 8pm today you will be chatted up by another fabbed

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By *kjay86Man
over a year ago

Milton Keynes

I've never been able to chat to randoms on a night out! Absolutely prefer going on a meet after speaking to someone online for a bit. I think I feel more confident when someone knows a little about my personality and it isn't almost entirely looks based!

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By *stella OP Woman
over a year ago

London

"I wonder if it’s easier for women to chat people up (be it other women or men) in person than it is for men as it’s less

expected societal pressure wise and as my friend says he worries he/men come across more creepy doing it in real life? I still think it’s how you frame your approach that’s important.

Men are just creepy that’s all init

My mate genuinely fears he is! He’s actually adorable and funny and would do so well in person if he just seized the day.

You’re right it is flattering I’m sure and I wish we could be more uplifting to one another.

Let’s start the revolution!

Go forth and chat someone up today!

At 8pm today you will be chatted up by another fabbed

That doesn’t count! It’s got to be someone new.

At some point today give someone you don’t know a compliment.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think the nerves when you've been chatting for a while are more intense.

I'm always convinced I'll be a disappointment or that they've built me up in their mind too much.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Real life is far easier as you’ve already dealt with the physical attraction side or you likely wouldn’t even be talking. Then talking will give you a feel for the person and any spark will be apparent.

Online you are looking at words and pictures that can be contrived or even fake and committing to (fuck, I can’t say meet anymore, thanks Nora!), is a lottery if you’ve been misled.

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By *odgerMooreMan
over a year ago

Nowhere

The issue often is that pics on here are the perfect ones from the right angle - carefully placed clothing.. soft filters so based on that a potential meet thinks they’re meeting a stunner! How many ladies say - you should see the other 100 i deleted!

Send them a pic when you just woke up with drool on your chin and puffy eyes and a hairstyle like it was done on the wing of a fighter jet….

Guaranteed no false expectations then

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By *elix SightedMan
over a year ago

Cloud 8

"The issue often is that pics on here are the perfect ones from the right angle - carefully placed clothing.. soft filters so based on that a potential meet thinks they’re meeting a stunner! How many ladies say - you should see the other 100 i deleted!

Send them a pic when you just woke up with drool on your chin and puffy eyes and a hairstyle like it was done on the wing of a fighter jet….

Guaranteed no false expectations then

How bizarre - that’s how I do my hair every day! The nightmare is always choosing which one to take. Who’d be rich as well as devastatingly handsome, eh

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

I think I find it easier in person to talk to people. I don't approach them with the intention of flirting, more because I think they're interesting and want to talk to them.

On here, especially if they're a forum user, I can be a bit nervous. I welcome the nerves don't get me wrong, I see it as adrenaline and nervous excitement. But sometimes, even more so if I quite like them, I'm worried I'll disappoint in person. Not be the person they've built up in their head after reading my waffle.

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By *stella OP Woman
over a year ago

London

"I think I find it easier in person to talk to people. I don't approach them with the intention of flirting, more because I think they're interesting and want to talk to them.

Totally agree with you.

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By *elix SightedMan
over a year ago

Cloud 8

I have literally never been chatted up in person. And I have never chatted anyone up in person - I just wouldn’t know what to say. But I think it’s deeper than that. I don’t know if they’re even single or looking and I certainly don’t know anything about them or whether we have anything in common.

Online connections, whether that’s Fab or dating apps, make things so much easier by establishing a basic attraction (on pics only, I know) and at least similar interests. I’m then pretty good at working with that on a date.

If either of us isn’t interested after that first date/social, it can be disappointing but that’s the lottery of meeting someone new.

Strange though, because I’m fantastic company

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By *hilloutMan
over a year ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest

Have been comfortable with both in the past. I think # 2 is more exciting precisely because there has been previous build up

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By *stella OP Woman
over a year ago

London

"Have been comfortable with both in the past. I think # 2 is more exciting precisely because there has been previous build up

I CAN’T HANDLE THE EXCITEMENT!!

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By *hilloutMan
over a year ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest

"Totally with you on this! Fab first meets terrify me for some reason and I’m a waffling nervous wreck, whereas I’m totally fine in a real life scenario. "

You used the term meets!

And yes, you are a nervous wreck

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By *hilloutMan
over a year ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest

"Have been comfortable with both in the past. I think # 2 is more exciting precisely because there has been previous build up

I CAN’T HANDLE THE EXCITEMENT!!

Perhaps a bit overstated, but yes

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By *he Silver FuxMan
over a year ago

Uttoxeter

"Having a debate with a friend; I find it less scary going up and approaching someone I don’t know to flirt in real life (bar, club etc) than going on that first meet after speaking online a little. Fear of rejection is higher in the second scenario for me, whereas he feels going on dates/meets from virtual conversation to real life way easier than approaching someone on a night out. Which camp are you in?

I’m camping with you.. the second scenario has more to do with no prior connection, less investment in the approach, a freeing bravado and probably more alcohol…

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

"I think I find it easier in person to talk to people. I don't approach them with the intention of flirting, more because I think they're interesting and want to talk to them.

Totally agree with you.

Ah yes! We're very similar in how we view things on here.

When it works though? Fuck it's brilliant. Love the nervous excitement, the way it makes me light up and I try really hard to not Tigger about the place.

I hope your excitement is as effervescent as you little star, x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I usually don’t approach men in person unless I’m a bit tiddly, and then it was me dancing up to them, shimmying in front of them and then dancing away again.

I’m very shy as well as socially awkward so to be honest I don’t chat anyone up. I’m rubbish at gauging if someone is interested in me.

At least on here, if they message, there is an initial interest, which helps me out no end! "

Same here

i'm pretty shy and socially awkward, but happy to chat if someone interacts with me. i'm on the spectrum too so i haven't a clue if someone is interested in me, or it's a bit late when i realise. i prefer people being direct rather than subtle.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Same as you. Messages don’t really show a true personality.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Do prefer real meets as I'm very good at eye contact and body language

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

I'm usually more excited then nervous before a meet but would never initiate a chat up

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My social anxiety is off the charts in the real when it's someone I don't already know, I could never do it. I can just about be friendly with them nevermind chatting them up.

It's a lot easier for me online as I have time to build a rapport with the person, I have time to read what they wrote, what my response is and there's no awkward silence to make my anxiety worse. Then when I meet them in person I have no problems.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can't do either really. Curse of the introvert!

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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

The rejection doesn't bother me, I expect it either way.

However I'll have chatted to somebody online a bit before thst social, so I know their personality a little. I know (for the most part) how a rejection would go.

Random person could react in all sorts of ways. I've witnessed a woman (sorry but it was a woman, but not limited to women) totally flip out and make a scene because somebody offered to buy her a drink over a chat. Another time I've seen somebody ridiculed for even attempting to approach etc

I'll avoid the pain of those kinds of reactions.

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By *he_Secret_GardenWoman
over a year ago

Naughty Lane

"I prefer face to face as you can generally see body language as well as its easier to build natural conversation from what’s happening or the more traditional conversation starters. Plus you dont have to worry about being catfished

This...

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By *andycandy88Woman
over a year ago

Northolt

I've never done it in person, so online is easier.

Chat, connect, video call and meet

Works best for me xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This

I'm old school and not a fan of messaging online.

Much more a meet in real life person.

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

I got really excited thinking you were posting again, little star. Gutted.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

100% the walk up is so much more exciting, reading the body language and response gets me every time.

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