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"I know this will earn me a few more blocks, but, I can't see the difference between someone's choice not to see a wheelchair bound person to that of someone who only wants to meet men that are over 6 feet in height. Or meet women who are no more than a size 14. Or guys whose cocks can't be smaller than 8 inches. As so often is said here, it's about choice, preference, why should anyones choice not to see a disabled person be questioned? Frank" Unless tied to a wheelchair, no-one is wheelchair bound. A better descriptor would be "wheelchair user". I think the issue is that people don't even stop to discuss anything once they read the word "wheelchair". One minute they're desperate to meet you and really keen but if you say "can we meet somewhere wheelchair accessible", they disappear. We've also received abuse - Mr KC has been called all sorts of names for "shagging a disabled bird" etc. I've been called a benefits scrounger, which is hilarious because I don't claim any for starters 
There are ways of dealing with things, aren't there? | |||
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"Depends on the disability. I wouldn't have met someone in a wheelchair as I did most of my meets at home and my house isn't suitable for a wheelchair. I have met others with some form of disability. If the lady in question is getting a fulfilling sex life using a sex worker than thats great. Some sex workers just provide a "service" for disabled people" And that's perfectly reasonable, and I'm sure you'd have said something like "I meet at home, but it's not wheelchair accessible, sorry". That's perfectly decent. | |||
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"For me personally, a disability would never put me off meeting with someone. I think it’s really sad that some people have reacted so badly and have set you both such horrible messages. Although there is an obvious difference between an ambulatory wheelchair user and someone who has no choice but to use a wheelchair for mobility, I think it’s down to how the situation is managed. There would need be be a clear discussion and understanding about what may or may not be possible. " Although I'm "ambulatory" because I can stand for short periods and move very short distances on crutches, a wheelchair is not a choice if I want to do anything other than exist in the same small room. I've tried existing that way and I'd rather die (strongly considered it). I understand that there are people who are in no way ambulatory (I have many friends in this group) - our struggles are perhaps different, but struggles nonetheless. Yes, totally agree about clear conversations. I'd expect clear conversations about other aspects too, sexual boundaries are obviously important for anyone to discuss beforehand and for us, that's where the discussion about physical possibilities/impossibilities lies. | |||
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"Every person on fab will say they would have sex with a disabled person,and if they wouldn't they would admit on here" No, some people are quite clear. Being polite about it is fine, but the ones who like to be rude are less fine. | |||
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"Every person on fab will say they would have sex with a disabled person,and if they wouldn't they would admit on here No, some people are quite clear. Being polite about it is fine, but the ones who like to be rude are less fine. " You mean in private messages? | |||
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"Every person on fab will say they would have sex with a disabled person,and if they wouldn't they would admit on here No, some people are quite clear. Being polite about it is fine, but the ones who like to be rude are less fine. " Can’t believe people are actually rude about it! That’s just awful. A no Thankyou is sufficient. I’ll never understand why people do that  | |||
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"Every person on fab will say they would have sex with a disabled person,and if they wouldn't they would admit on here No, some people are quite clear. Being polite about it is fine, but the ones who like to be rude are less fine. You mean in private messages?" Yes mainly in PMs, but there have been some very "interesting" public posts on the topic of disability in the past. Some have been very clear they would never entertain any kind of sexual activity with a person with any kind of disability, irrespective of whether that impaired sexual function or not, for example. | |||
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"Every person on fab will say they would have sex with a disabled person,and if they wouldn't they would admit on here No, some people are quite clear. Being polite about it is fine, but the ones who like to be rude are less fine. Can’t believe people are actually rude about it! That’s just awful. A no Thankyou is sufficient. I’ll never understand why people do that "Can't quote directly obviously, but "fat" and "cripple" and the 's' word have all featured! | |||
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"Every person on fab will say they would have sex with a disabled person,and if they wouldn't they would admit on here No, some people are quite clear. Being polite about it is fine, but the ones who like to be rude are less fine. Can’t believe people are actually rude about it! That’s just awful. A no Thankyou is sufficient. I’ll never understand why people do that
Can't quote directly obviously, but "fat" and "cripple" and the 's' word have all featured!"Oh wow! Folk are just so horrid! | |||
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"Every person on fab will say they would have sex with a disabled person,and if they wouldn't they would admit on here No, some people are quite clear. Being polite about it is fine, but the ones who like to be rude are less fine. You mean in private messages? Yes mainly in PMs, but there have been some very "interesting" public posts on the topic of disability in the past. Some have been very clear they would never entertain any kind of sexual activity with a person with any kind of disability, irrespective of whether that impaired sexual function or not, for example. " That's their choice I suppose but no need for rudeness | |||
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"Just read this article, which I found very interesting (as a disabled person) BBC News - Meet Melanie and Chayse: The disabled woman and her sex worker https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/disability-65422489 My disability is not as profound as the lady in the article and I acquired mine as an adult and was already married and in a committed relationship. However, we've definitely had to amend our sexy time to accommodate and there are times I'm in too much pain for any intimacy. We've found that many people on here are immediately off-put when wheelchairs are mentioned, even before finding out what my capabilities are/aren't, which isn't entirely surprising, but is a bit galling at times, to be honest. Anyway - any thoughts on sex and disability? On disabled people choosing to access sex via sex workers etc? " Not a physical disability but technically my mental health condition is a disability. Sex and disability is perfectly ok and normal. It's just that society in general excludes us as a default unless we bang on about it. Don't get me started on the fact that my disability is invisible and I have good times and bad times and good days and bad days and people in general are extremely poorly educated about mental health. To most people, it doesn't exist, it's not something they think about every day and it's not important. People just think we should just pull ourselves together. I've had this from boyfriends, family, work colleagues, work supervisors and "friends" Often with mental health, we don't even get to discuss sex as if it's assumed that we should with avoid all sexual contact, or are so ill that we are impotent or are doomed to sexual dysfunction. Heck I've sat in mental health groups with trained psychotherapists to have other group members be triggered anytime anyone mentions anything sexual. People are embarrassed/terrified to even talk about the mental effects of having a urological problem or a colonoscopy, a pelvic exam or a cervical smear. That's partly why I'm on Fab. I can't talk about sex/genitals/bumholes/breasts/nipples anywhere else. | |||
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"Depends on the disability. I wouldn't have met someone in a wheelchair as I did most of my meets at home and my house isn't suitable for a wheelchair. I have met others with some form of disability. If the lady in question is getting a fulfilling sex life using a sex worker than thats great. Some sex workers just provide a "service" for disabled people And that's perfectly reasonable, and I'm sure you'd have said something like "I meet at home, but it's not wheelchair accessible, sorry". That's perfectly decent." Yeah flat is only accessible by stairs and none of the London clubs are wheelchair accessible!!  . One of my friends has physical and mental/neurological (brain) disabilities and it is so hard for her to get out and/or to have visitors. She feels sick ( dizzy, nausea, vertigo) every single day and can't sit up for too long without passing out.
She still has her sense of humour and her kindness despite it all. | |||
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"It's not a proposition that I've come across to be honest Mrs KC. But limited mobility wouldn't be for me when searching on here. Tender, slower sex is for between me and my partner. If I was to meet someone, it would be for more energetic sex. Plus I have my own medical issues that would make it awkward also. However, I wouldn't be rude to anyone, it's just that we wouldn't be compatible. As for using sex workers, as long as nobody is being exploited I've no issues with it." Totally respect your choices. Just to say disabled people can have energetic sex too, however. We do, often. This is what I mean about discussions, rather than some people applying a blanket "absolutely not" to anything with the word disabled in (not suggesting that's you, Frida). | |||
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"Every person on fab will say they would have sex with a disabled person,and if they wouldn't they would admit on here No, some people are quite clear. Being polite about it is fine, but the ones who like to be rude are less fine. Can’t believe people are actually rude about it! That’s just awful. A no Thankyou is sufficient. I’ll never understand why people do that
Can't quote directly obviously, but "fat" and "cripple" and the 's' word have all featured!"I'm so sorry. I call myself fat but cripple is bang out of order! I'm also a bit neurodivergent, naive, and uneducated in these things. Do you mean the "s" word sl*t or the "s" word Sp*z or Sp@stic. All of which I've been called...even with an invisible brain disorder.
People are so EWWw...often why I spent a lot of time isolated on purpose. | |||
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"Every person on fab will say they would have sex with a disabled person,and if they wouldn't they would admit on here No, some people are quite clear. Being polite about it is fine, but the ones who like to be rude are less fine. Can’t believe people are actually rude about it! That’s just awful. A no Thankyou is sufficient. I’ll never understand why people do that
Can't quote directly obviously, but "fat" and "cripple" and the 's' word have all featured!
I'm so sorry. I call myself fat but cripple is bang out of order! I'm also a bit neurodivergent, naive, and uneducated in these things. Do you mean the "s" word sl*t or the "s" word Sp*z or Sp@stic. All of which I've been called...even with an invisible brain disorder.
People are so EWWw...often why I spent a lot of time isolated on purpose."That's the 's' word I mean, yes.... | |||
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"It's not a proposition that I've come across to be honest Mrs KC. But limited mobility wouldn't be for me when searching on here. Tender, slower sex is for between me and my partner. If I was to meet someone, it would be for more energetic sex. Plus I have my own medical issues that would make it awkward also. However, I wouldn't be rude to anyone, it's just that we wouldn't be compatible. As for using sex workers, as long as nobody is being exploited I've no issues with it. Totally respect your choices. Just to say disabled people can have energetic sex too, however. We do, often. This is what I mean about discussions, rather than some people applying a blanket "absolutely not" to anything with the word disabled in (not suggesting that's you, Frida)." I'm used to the blanket "absolutely not" anytime I mention mental health. It's a blessing in disguise because they wouldn't be able to cope with my symptoms or trigger reactions anyway. I learnt that the hard way when the former husband decided that he wanted to get rid of me for being so mentally unwell. I have to consider how well people will cope if I suddenly become incoherent due to a trigger or burnout or emotional overwhelm. And not all people are equipt to deal with this themselves. Psychologically or physically. Even my work managers struggle to have a discussion about it and most want to avoid it as much as possible.And it's their bleeding job! So I imagine the average person just going "It's too much for me to get my head around so no thanks. no discussion. end of." That is what we face with health conditions. Even I cringe at the idea of forcing my managers to sit down and go through my mental health line by line in a 3000-word report document. But it has to be done because they have no idea, understanding or experience. | |||
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"It's not a proposition that I've come across to be honest Mrs KC. But limited mobility wouldn't be for me when searching on here. Tender, slower sex is for between me and my partner. If I was to meet someone, it would be for more energetic sex. Plus I have my own medical issues that would make it awkward also. However, I wouldn't be rude to anyone, it's just that we wouldn't be compatible. As for using sex workers, as long as nobody is being exploited I've no issues with it. Totally respect your choices. Just to say disabled people can have energetic sex too, however. We do, often. This is what I mean about discussions, rather than some people applying a blanket "absolutely not" to anything with the word disabled in (not suggesting that's you, Frida)." I agree with what you said Mrs KC, probably could have phrased that better apologies. Maybe that is my uncon cious bias that I need to think and work on. But I do think that blanket yes on these kind of threads aren't always that useful. As they don't allow conversations to dispel stereotypes as you just have. | |||
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"Every person on fab will say they would have sex with a disabled person,and if they wouldn't they would admit on here No, some people are quite clear. Being polite about it is fine, but the ones who like to be rude are less fine. Can’t believe people are actually rude about it! That’s just awful. A no Thankyou is sufficient. I’ll never understand why people do that
Can't quote directly obviously, but "fat" and "cripple" and the 's' word have all featured!
I'm so sorry. I call myself fat but cripple is bang out of order! I'm also a bit neurodivergent, naive, and uneducated in these things. Do you mean the "s" word sl*t or the "s" word Sp*z or Sp@stic. All of which I've been called...even with an invisible brain disorder.
People are so EWWw...often why I spent a lot of time isolated on purpose.
That's the 's' word I mean, yes...."*sigh in resignation*   | |||
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"I (Mr)once met a lady when I was younger (I was 25 she was 52), we met off a sex dating site, had a meal out before going to a hotel, after popping to the toilet when I came out I was surprised to see this woman removing her leg! There had been no mention of this in messages or conversation. Whilst surprised we went to bed and I have to say it was one of the best experiences I've had. Met her quite a few times after that. Taught me alot" We're quite familiar with people losing legs and other bodily parts, with having a number of friends with various bits missing 
There are some wonderful yarns spun by a pal who lost his leg in a motorcycle accident! | |||
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"Every person on fab will say they would have sex with a disabled person,and if they wouldn't they would admit on here No, some people are quite clear. Being polite about it is fine, but the ones who like to be rude are less fine. You mean in private messages?" I've seen people say on the forums that they wouldn't. Seen people say they would point blank refuse a meet with anyone autistic too! | |||
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"Every person on fab will say they would have sex with a disabled person,and if they wouldn't they would admit on here No, some people are quite clear. Being polite about it is fine, but the ones who like to be rude are less fine. You mean in private messages? I've seen people say on the forums that they wouldn't. Seen people say they would point blank refuse a meet with anyone autistic too!" I do think that’s fair enough though to not want to meet people with physical or mental health issues. I think the issue here is what people say to each other. Like I said before a simple no thank you. I’ve never ever given a reason why I won’t meet someone. There is absolutely no need to be rude or derogatory. | |||
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"Every person on fab will say they would have sex with a disabled person,and if they wouldn't they would admit on here No, some people are quite clear. Being polite about it is fine, but the ones who like to be rude are less fine. You mean in private messages? I've seen people say on the forums that they wouldn't. Seen people say they would point blank refuse a meet with anyone autistic too!" A blessing in disguise if they don't want to meet my autistic traits. Ta-ra I say to them waving into the sunset. Onto someone more suited with more emotional intelligence, I say. | |||
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"Every person on fab will say they would have sex with a disabled person,and if they wouldn't they would admit on here No, some people are quite clear. Being polite about it is fine, but the ones who like to be rude are less fine. You mean in private messages? I've seen people say on the forums that they wouldn't. Seen people say they would point blank refuse a meet with anyone autistic too! A blessing in disguise if they don't want to meet my autistic traits. Ta-ra I say to them waving into the sunset. Onto someone more suited with more emotional intelligence, I say. "Not sure it’s about emotional intelligence. I see fab as an escape. I have to deal with that every day of my life so me personally no I wouldn’t want to meet someone with mental health issues. It may sound selfish but I’m being honest. | |||
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"Every person on fab will say they would have sex with a disabled person,and if they wouldn't they would admit on here No, some people are quite clear. Being polite about it is fine, but the ones who like to be rude are less fine. You mean in private messages? I've seen people say on the forums that they wouldn't. Seen people say they would point blank refuse a meet with anyone autistic too! I do think that’s fair enough though to not want to meet people with physical or mental health issues. I think the issue here is what people say to each other. Like I said before a simple no thank you. I’ve never ever given a reason why I won’t meet someone. There is absolutely no need to be rude or derogatory. " Yeah, the name-calling, insults and offensive derogatory language is bang out of order to say to anyone disabled or not. Maybe they think we ( those with disabilites and long-term health conditions) are a soft target as their punching bag....we are not and neither is anyone else. I've had to drag 3 ( going on 4) managers into the office with their own superiors for their nasty, prejudiced, discriminatory, unsupportive behaviour towards my mental health. I won't stand for it. Because in my case it's the difference between an unaliving attempt, an involuntary section admission and a hospital stay. Life or death. I even had to pull the sibling up on it when they invalidated the confidentiality of my NHS support group. I am learning myself to get very angry without resorting to swearing or name-calling. That wasn't something I learnt in childhood or afforded in my former marriage. I try to set boundaries for myself and people and mentalize that they often have no clue or concept about what it's like to be me or any other disabled person. If they don't want to have sex with me that's perfectly fine but they had better learn to communicate that in a fair and respectful way...or I will communicate that they have made me uncomfortable, unsafe and emotionally dysregulated and distressed and now have to block them. Other people will attack them either physically or psychologically. | |||
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"Every person on fab will say they would have sex with a disabled person,and if they wouldn't they would admit on here No, some people are quite clear. Being polite about it is fine, but the ones who like to be rude are less fine. You mean in private messages? I've seen people say on the forums that they wouldn't. Seen people say they would point blank refuse a meet with anyone autistic too! A blessing in disguise if they don't want to meet my autistic traits. Ta-ra I say to them waving into the sunset. Onto someone more suited with more emotional intelligence, I say.
Not sure it’s about emotional intelligence. I see fab as an escape. I have to deal with that every day of my life so me personally no I wouldn’t want to meet someone with mental health issues. It may sound selfish but I’m being honest. "People with a high level of emotional intelligence can handle a lot of difficult situations and it's not static, it can fluctuate from day to day/hour to hour/month to month/year to year/decade to decade. That's why I said more suited and more emotional intelligence. While Fab is an escape for you which I can mentalise from your perspective as fair enough, it is a part of my holistic and integrated mental health relapse prevention plan that is psychologically professionally sanctioned and monitored by my clinical professionals and support peers. My doctors know I swing. My mental health groups know I swing. They help me maintain firm boundaries and navigate complex emotions and interpersonal relationships that can come from swinging as well as daily life. Some people need to escape from their day-to-day life. Some people like me have to face reality more often because escaping too much can lead to a hospital admission to the ICU/HDU or the psych ward or both. It's about understanding and empathizing with different perspectives with fairness and respect but also maintaining one's own boundaries about what one can handle and what one can't handle. I currently can't handle smokers in my sex life but that doesn't give me the right to insult them or think they should be excluded from general life. That's another reason sometimes I get off Fab online and go to the clubs and socials where you have to be tolerant and realize that not everyone is going to fit into one's idea of comfort. Which is probably why I am particularly annoyed that the clubs, I go to in London are not wheelchair accessible. | |||
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"Oh and just wanted to add, thanks Mrs KC for the thread. You've opened my eyes quite a bit through our conversations on this subject in the past. Love that you are unafraid to broach the subject in such a positive way " No worries, dearest Frida! Caring is sharing and all that jizz/jazz. A lot of people do find these topics difficult to talk about, hopefully we can encourage even just a little bit of thought about it.  | |||
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"Every person on fab will say they would have sex with a disabled person,and if they wouldn't they would admit on here No, some people are quite clear. Being polite about it is fine, but the ones who like to be rude are less fine. You mean in private messages? I've seen people say on the forums that they wouldn't. Seen people say they would point blank refuse a meet with anyone autistic too! I do think that’s fair enough though to not want to meet people with physical or mental health issues. I think the issue here is what people say to each other. Like I said before a simple no thank you. I’ve never ever given a reason why I won’t meet someone. There is absolutely no need to be rude or derogatory. "  | |||
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"Just read this article, which I found very interesting (as a disabled person) BBC News - Meet Melanie and Chayse: The disabled woman and her sex worker https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/disability-65422489 My disability is not as profound as the lady in the article and I acquired mine as an adult and was already married and in a committed relationship. However, we've definitely had to amend our sexy time to accommodate and there are times I'm in too much pain for any intimacy. We've found that many people on here are immediately off-put when wheelchairs are mentioned, even before finding out what my capabilities are/aren't, which isn't entirely surprising, but is a bit galling at times, to be honest. Anyway - any thoughts on sex and disability? On disabled people choosing to access sex via sex workers etc? " Excellent article. She has to book him for 48 hours though?! I'd only need 20 minutes.
Is it possible for disabled people to legally book sex workers here?
I think everyone should be able to. | |||
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"Just read this article, which I found very interesting (as a disabled person) BBC News - Meet Melanie and Chayse: The disabled woman and her sex worker https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/disability-65422489 My disability is not as profound as the lady in the article and I acquired mine as an adult and was already married and in a committed relationship. However, we've definitely had to amend our sexy time to accommodate and there are times I'm in too much pain for any intimacy. We've found that many people on here are immediately off-put when wheelchairs are mentioned, even before finding out what my capabilities are/aren't, which isn't entirely surprising, but is a bit galling at times, to be honest. Anyway - any thoughts on sex and disability? On disabled people choosing to access sex via sex workers etc? Excellent article. She has to book him for 48 hours though?! I'd only need 20 minutes.
Is it possible for disabled people to legally book sex workers here?
I think everyone should be able to. "Disabled people can legally use sex workers within the same laws as everyone else, so long as they have capacity to consent to sexual activity. Acquiring informed consent might be different than the usual "FAF", depending on the disability. But people can register their consent in many ways. I wonder whether for her first meetings with the guy, she wanted plenty of time, as she'd not had any prior sexual experience? | |||
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