FabSwingers.com forum: Moving on...

By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

From hurt, whatever level that is. Whether that's on here, in a relationship (platonic or not). Intentional or not.

Is it something you can do easily? Do you hold on to minor things for years or forget about them in a day? The big things - do you move on?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"From hurt, whatever level that is. Whether that's on here, in a relationship (platonic or not). Intentional or not.

Is it something you can do easily? Do you hold on to minor things for years or forget about them in a day? The big things - do you move on? "

Be practical, i know it is easier said than done, but it really helps, analysis what went wrong and reminiscent doesn't

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *edeWoman
over a year ago

the abyss

Oh I'm great at dealing with things. I put it in a nice wee box and sit it to the side out of sight for it to come out of nowhere and punch me in the heart every now and again!!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I really struggle. And I’m really struggling at the moment getting over someone. I’ve tried sad listening to Neyo- So Sick, Summer Walker’s album and Giveon- Heartbreak anniversary a million times but no luck. I think I’m going to have to try the ol reliable - watch When Harry Met Sally.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There isnt many people that have hurt me as I don't get that close to many, but I don't get over it easily.

It took me over 2 years to move on from my ex, even now if I know I'm gonna see him I feel like I'm gonna throw up.

The latest guy, over a year and counting.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

https://youtu.be/zkE8HD10EU0

the greatest performance ever

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *4bimMan
over a year ago

Farnborough Hampshire

Yes it is now.

I learnt to develop a ring of steel around me. Took time, wasn't easy, got angry.

I do not hesitate dropping people from my life if they are bad for me and I move on instantly without a second thought.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If its something/someone I have genuinely had feelings for, it can and does take me a long time to get over it, move on.

But once I finally have, that's it, I really am done and that box is closed forever

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Depends if there is closure or not. Something happened and there was no closure, no response when I tried communicating which I found rather amusing and ironic given the public persona

Other than that no, when I'm done I'm done. That person does not register on my radar

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I try to let go pretty quick but I always remember where I buried the corpse.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually

I think I'm pretty good at moving on. As long as I can reconcile the udea that something is ended I can usually take a little time to mourn what was, and then compartmentalise it away and crack on with the things that matter.

However, limbo kills me. When I don't know and that awful hope creeps in, that's when I tend to really fall apart.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"From hurt, whatever level that is. Whether that's on here, in a relationship (platonic or not). Intentional or not.

Is it something you can do easily? Do you hold on to minor things for years or forget about them in a day? The big things - do you move on? "

I've held on to a lot, past hurt in relationships, past ignorance from people I called friends and its made me very resentful and stopped me from forming any kind of human interaction

But now I have started to let go and have my philosophy of I work to better myself and not to conform to what others think. I am me, I decide to let go instead of it chewing me up inside.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Feelings linger with me for a long time. I've got better at cutting ties though, or maybe it's knowing that person isn't good for me makes it easier to deal with.

Although, moving on in the sense that I'll allow myself to be emotionally vulnerable with someone again. Yeah, not there yet. Or maybe just not met anyone I want to be like that with.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Probably not the best way lock them up and don’t think about them

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *tephTV67TV/TS
over a year ago

Cheshire

I still have strong feelings for a previous partner but if they no longer want to be with you, then I don’t see why you’d hang on. Funnily enough when my wife asked for a divorce I was quite relieved and my life has certainly been better since.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

I'm quite cold hearted I move on straight away. Once something is over that's it. When my marriage split up I cried abit but it only took three weeks to pick myself up and dust myself down

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm able to accept when things are over but feelings often remain. Even if they are undeserved

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

I can walk away/move on easily. Having said that I’ve never really been badly hurt.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

On some things. When I'm done, I am very much done and there's no going back. And usually it will come as a sharp shock. End of. And that thing or person ceases to exist in my head or heart.

When something feels very unjustified I'll be honest, that can grate on me, I find that hard to move on from. Doesn't make me a lesser person.

But then as much as people say they can move on, it really depends on what it is doesn't Meli? If it hits a raw nerve, if it hits a trauma from a persons past, if it triggers something, if the shit they have currently in their life is hard. Then those things can justifiably take a hell of a lot longer to get over. People shouldn't be picked apart for how they can or can't move on. You never know someone's struggles or the story behind them.

Considering certain factors in my life I think I have moved on from hurt to quite an extent. And I'm proud of myself for that.

Anything left that I hold onto, that I struggle to move on from, scars so to speak.... People can go and ahead and judge me. They simply haven't got a clue about me or my past to be the judges.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *iasubTV/TS
over a year ago

Ilkeston

Im terrible at it i hold in to feelings probably too long and it does impact me a lot

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *atricia ParnelWoman
over a year ago

In a town full of colours

The shock that a loved one has hurt me, turns quickly into anger, which enables me to cut ties and drop them instantly. Never to return.

But my trust issues mean that I only let a few people in that could hurt me at a time and the walls go back up for the rest, to protect myself

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

No, I add a little bit of pain to the baggage I carry around.

But, I am reslient and accepting of change so carry on. I know I can't change anyone but myself. Some might see the hurt and others not.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago

Calderdale innit

If what they've done means I lose my respect for them or trust in them ,I will easily cut that person off.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ansoffateMan
over a year ago

Sagittarius A

Interesting concept moving on.

What does that mean? You never think about the experience? A demonstrative display of how much you don't give a shit?

I think it's acceptance, every meaningful relationship is something I have learned from. And that is integrated into who I am.

Is it possible to forget entirely? Forgive yes, I can do that - including forgiving myself.

Is it easy? Depends how open you are to your emotions, I reckon.

I remember K when I was 15, her eyes, her lips the sideways glance as she smiled to see if I noticed. The chats we had on the roundabout drinking MD 20/20 at 2am, on a school night. The comfortable silence as we took turns to keep it spinning. Giggling holding each other up as we tried to walk home.

I've accepted that's the past. It's still a part of who I am. We were both going through some shit and we leant on each other. Who wants to forget that? She could pop up now and I'd hug her.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"Interesting concept moving on.

What does that mean? You never think about the experience? A demonstrative display of how much you don't give a shit?

I think it's acceptance, every meaningful relationship is something I have learned from. And that is integrated into who I am.

Is it possible to forget entirely? Forgive yes, I can do that - including forgiving myself.

Is it easy? Depends how open you are to your emotions, I reckon.

I've accepted that's the past. It's still a part of who I am. We were both going through some shit and we leant on each other. Who wants to forget that? She could pop up now and I'd hug her."

Thank you for this post. It's a better articulation of what I feel than I could muster.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *red333Man
over a year ago

Dorchester

I just move on no point harbouring grudges or thinking about what could have been, start afresh

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *lephantisMan
over a year ago

Oxford

Time is the only thing for me. I haven't been broken up with since 2003, but each time it was awful. I tend to be an all or nothing kind of person and whether it's logical or not, every single element of self-esteem is tied yp in that relationship.

So the endung is always felt, entirely, as my failure. Regardless of the situation, or what she says, or even if I still loved her. I must be catastrophically stupid, unfathimably hideous, appallingly inept in bed, etc, etc.

Then, after weeks, months, or in one awful case years, it all goes away. Not quite overnight, but certainly suddenly. There seems no pattern beyond that - more serious/intense relationships don't always cause the greatest trauma.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I always thought I could to a degree although my husband says I bring up things from years ago.

However I have had one instance where I haven't been able to, but it's because I don't understand the reasons behind it. Someone I was very close to and had known for a couple of years suddenly ghosted me. I have found that I haven't managed to get over that as I don't know the reasons why or what I did wrong.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *lexanderSupertrampMan
over a year ago

Gourock

It's sad whether it was them or it was you that decided to move on but it's life unfortunately and you deal with it

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

From most yes. From a few not quickly but eventually I got there. From one, I'm stuck and unable to move on regardless of how much I've tried or wish I could just do it.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Three people have hurt me in the last few years. I had closure with one and it took more than two years to "move on" from him. The others ghosted me, one quite recently. I wish I knew why but I probably never will and in those circumstances I look for reasons with me.

Does moving on mean we are functional again? Not crying nightly? Or does it mean we are ready to be take the risk and be hurt again?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ansoffateMan
over a year ago

Sagittarius A

"Interesting concept moving on.

What does that mean? You never think about the experience? A demonstrative display of how much you don't give a shit?

I think it's acceptance, every meaningful relationship is something I have learned from. And that is integrated into who I am.

Is it possible to forget entirely? Forgive yes, I can do that - including forgiving myself.

Is it easy? Depends how open you are to your emotions, I reckon.

I've accepted that's the past. It's still a part of who I am. We were both going through some shit and we leant on each other. Who wants to forget that? She could pop up now and I'd hug her.

Thank you for this post. It's a better articulation of what I feel than I could muster.

Very welcome, I have my good and bad days lol

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ucka39Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

I think level of hurt Can takes a considerable amount of time, then reevaluate oneself remember life is precious and shouldn't be wasted on things you're not unable to change value yourself more and avoid negative surround yourself around positive

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *itty HoodooCouple
over a year ago

Stockport

"Yes it is now.

I learnt to develop a ring of steel around me. Took time, wasn't easy, got angry.

I do not hesitate dropping people from my life if they are bad for me and I move on instantly without a second thought."

This is more avoidance and a fear of forming honest mature and meaningful relationships and connections. Whilst you may feel that this is strength, independence and masculine it’s the complete opposite. Emotional maturity means taking risks, loyalty, understanding and supporting others whom may be on a self destructive path at that moment. This is assuming you are capable of forming some sort of emotional/human connection with these people in the first instance and you have a genuine interest in their wellbeing. Without these emotions you are a sociopath and have serious emotional and mental issues. So to put simply you are either trying to be the “Big Man” / “Great Pretender “ or you need to work a lot harder and seek professional guidance for your own happiness and those involved in your life.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My last one was easy enough to move on from as he’s a narcissist but now I’ve learnt to not catch feels to easily

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *carlett 44Woman
over a year ago

bootle

I'm not sure if we move on or just learn to live with the way things are. My last relationship we were more best friends. No sex due to his illness. I miss him as my friend but not the same now

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't think we can ever truly move on from being hurt. It changes you as a person, affects future relationships and changes the way you approach certain situations. What we can do is learn lessons, build strength in ourselves and have acceptance of the past.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Fuck no.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *929Man
over a year ago

newcastle

No takes me ages I don’t fall east but when do it’s with the expectation it lasts a life time and can be hard to get rid of that when it ends

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *imi_RougeWoman
over a year ago

Portsmouth

Some things are easier than others to move on from, it's taken years occasionally, but once I'm done, I'm done.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *offiaCoolWoman
over a year ago

Kidsgrove

I am very good at closing doors and moving on.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"From hurt, whatever level that is. Whether that's on here, in a relationship (platonic or not). Intentional or not.

Is it something you can do easily? Do you hold on to minor things for years or forget about them in a day? The big things - do you move on?

Be practical, i know it is easier said than done, but it really helps, analysis what went wrong and reminiscent doesn't

I'm not sure analysis does always help. You can overthink, start doubting yourself. Being practical is easier said than done.

Some things get under your skin for a myriad of reasons. We're human and things affect us differently. There's nothing wrong with that.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm a very sensitive soul and tend to really overthink things. I have moved on a lot, I've had 2 divorces. I thought about my first wife for years, as she was my first love. My second wife emotionally abused me, if we hadn't have had my Son I don't know if I'd be around now. I have moved on, but certainly can't forget the shit she caused me

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"Oh I'm great at dealing with things. I put it in a nice wee box and sit it to the side out of sight for it to come out of nowhere and punch me in the heart every now and again!!

Eurgh. That sounds really wank Cede, I'm sorry. Sometimes things do remind us don't they?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ixed MisterMan
over a year ago

London

I'm more of a move on, but have that niggling feeling in my mind about what's happened and hold out a small hope that things at some point might might be different. While also trying not to use too much energy on it.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"On some things. When I'm done, I am very much done and there's no going back. And usually it will come as a sharp shock. End of. And that thing or person ceases to exist in my head or heart.

When something feels very unjustified I'll be honest, that can grate on me, I find that hard to move on from. Doesn't make me a lesser person.

Considering certain factors in my life I think I have moved on from hurt to quite an extent. And I'm proud of myself for that.

Anything left that I hold onto, that I struggle to move on from, scars so to speak.... People can go and ahead and judge me. They simply haven't got a clue about me or my past to be the judges.

I'm going to go back and reply to other posts shortly but I wanted to reply to this because I do agree with this PW. A lot.

You're not a lesser person because something has grated on you. Far from it. You're you. You feel things. Things remind you of things or there are other things going on and it doesn't help, it's another straw.

I think the concept of moving on is an interesting one. Like there's expectation that we do, if we don't we're somehow failing. But, like you said - we shouldn't be picked apart about it. I think people can help, be a positive or fuck it, a neutral influence (let's go with that), rather than a negative one. I'm not always the best - I can be quite cutting. Damning. Remembering that people have shit going on is important and this is a good reminder to myself to be kinder with words and intent.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I tend to be very of fact about such things.

If I am no longer feeling anything for him then it is time to call it a day so he can find someone more suitable. Life is far too short to waste his time being with someone who is totally incompatible.

I put the experience behind me, learn from it and move on.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Depends on the circumstances, I like to think I’m quite good at moving on etc. sometimes it takes longer than I expected.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ittlemissmistressKCouple
over a year ago

Southampton

It's taken me a very long time to move on from someone I fell for last year.... not entirely there yet....

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I move on a bit too easily at times, to the degree I wonder if I feel at all / is there something wrong with me

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I forget nothing … just count my blessings take that win and gone

…. Toodle pip MF

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *onkeynutWoman
over a year ago

somewhere

Depends what you mean by moving on. Forgiving someone? Forgetting about the hurt? They are different things.

Only one person has truly hurt me, I’ve moved on but I haven’t forgiven him and never will.

I do find it generally quite easy to move on from someone/something. I can be quite cold at times but it is necessary for life.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *aughty but nice...Man
over a year ago

Staffs

As time moves on so do my feelings and thoughts

You still hold on to little things painful or not

The painful ones though you just learn to live with them a little easier.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rder66Man
over a year ago

Tatooine

I've had three serious relasionships in my past, each one ended with me being hurt. The last one ended with me becoming a single parent and having to start from scratch.

I don't hold on to emotional bagage as I have become immune to it and can move on very easily as I had to. I no longer get to close to anybody either as a result. The only person that truely matters to me is my child and I do not have relasionships as my child needs come before any of my needs.

I'm happy being alone and happy in the knowledge I will no longer have any romintic relasionships.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The girl before F caused many of my insecurities, she completely and utterly broke me to the point I didn't enter a relationship or have sex (yes there was masturbation) for 3 years, if F was to leave there wouldn't be another

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don’t think you ever really move on from hurt. You certainly choose whatever you do with it, either you use to change something within you or you let it destroy you.

I don’t easily move on from hurt but I do forgive easily

However, I don’t give that person a second chance to hurt me ever again.

Friends are worst then ennemies. They betray you more quickly than ennemies.

That’s why I tend to have only a small circle of trusted friends.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ansoffateMan
over a year ago

Sagittarius A

"I've had three serious relasionships in my past, each one ended with me being hurt. The last one ended with me becoming a single parent and having to start from scratch.

I'm happy being alone and happy in the knowledge I will no longer have any romintic relasionships. "

A lot of that resonates for me. Especially, the hurt, having to start from scratch as a single parent and my child's needs coming before me.

I got into a relationship, and I found that I could let someone get close, but there's a final wall for me now that's made of steel; forged by fear. She received that as not 'moving on' from the death of my wife, still being in love with her. An understandable but inaccurate conclusion.

I sat with my feelings a long time, still do. I am fortunate enough to have a long-standing colleague, she is more of a guru at times, now. To explore the aspects of myself, outside of my awareness.

Intimacy, not in the Disney fairy tale way, but the feeling of non-duality, no matter how temporal - is what gives meaning to me and therefore joy. It is my final lesson in attachment to the material world, perhaps. But for now that is my experience, so I embrace it.

I have found myself in many double-binds, now I find humour in the irony, instead of frustration. I laugh at myself: the joker that keeps the sage on his toes. Why so serious.

I think this is why I love the ocean. The vanishing point where the earth touches the heavens.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South

I look at is this way. If I were a statue each hurt has chiselled away at a part of me. Some of the chunks chiselled away are larger than other pieces, depending on the hurt.

So whilst I’m still standing, each time the hurt has taken a piece of me with it so I’m left here, imperfect.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *orthern StarsCouple
over a year ago

Durham, North Yorkshire and can travel

I was very close to a friend, in fact we were the only people there at their wedding abroad.

We then had a fallout because rather than try and listen and try to understand she judged me on a massive scale. This was 10 years ago and we have never been close since.

Funnily enough she is now going through some stuff that I was 10 years ago but of course it's 'different for her'.

I don't hold a grudge but just can't get back to where we were. It was very upsetting and still is a little.

I just wish she had listened to me instead of sitting on her pedestal looking down.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ilsaGeorgeCouple
over a year ago

kent

"From hurt, whatever level that is. Whether that's on here, in a relationship (platonic or not). Intentional or not.

Is it something you can do easily? Do you hold on to minor things for years or forget about them in a day? The big things - do you move on? "

It depends on the hurt, and how often you’ve been hurt. Some hurts are so big, cut so deep, they divide your life into before and after. Everything that comes after is affected by it. It colours your perception of people, so that minor hurts that ought to be easily forgotten assume unwarranted significance, reinforcing the untrue perception that most people are awful. Intellectually this can be kicked into the long grass, but emotionally it persists. I’m into my sixth year of wrestling with this now.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I really struggle. And I’m really struggling at the moment getting over someone. I’ve tried sad listening to Neyo- So Sick, Summer Walker’s album and Giveon- Heartbreak anniversary a million times but no luck. I think I’m going to have to try the ol reliable - watch When Harry Met Sally.

So sick makes me wanna bust a move

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *histle do nicelyMan
over a year ago

Glasgow South

I have found it easy to get over......Best thing I learned was . The the best way to get over a woman is to get under another..

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread