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What stops you?

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By *ellhungvwe OP   Man
over a year ago

Cheltenham

Just reading the Without Context thread and I am amazed at the number of people who don’t message someone they want to.

I don’t get that - what have you got to lose?

What stops you from messaging people?

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

Rejection hurts.

Sometimes I take a rush of blood to the head and do it though

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By *lephantisMan
over a year ago

Oxford

I would rather die alone and never have a single moment of intimacy again than risk rejection.

That's not hyperbole. It's literally true.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Most of the time i think they are out of my league

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By *elix SightedMan
over a year ago

Cloud 8


"I would rather die alone and never have a single moment of intimacy again than risk rejection.

That's not hyperbole. It's literally true."

Oh, Elephantis, that makes me sad, my friend.

Seriously? I mean, I know what you mean. When you really get the feels for someone and go for broke with a message, it sucks being shot down. But alone for the rest of your life? That’s a sad thought.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Rejection hurts.

Sometimes I take a rush of blood to the head and do it though "

Fully agree

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By *eyond PurityCouple
over a year ago

Lincolnshire

Nah, we message always - what’s the point in saying nothing as you’ll never know.

Even if someone says no, which we get, you’ve lost nothing still as you know then and can move on.

Plus we didn’t have much to lose as we don’t know them fully anyway.

If you don’t shoot you’ll never score…

K

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ellhungvwe OP   Man
over a year ago

Cheltenham


"I would rather die alone and never have a single moment of intimacy again than risk rejection.

That's not hyperbole. It's literally true.

Oh, Elephantis, that makes me sad, my friend.

Seriously? I mean, I know what you mean. When you really get the feels for someone and go for broke with a message, it sucks being shot down. But alone for the rest of your life? That’s a sad thought."

I was thinking the same. Sorry to hear it but I also don’t get it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I just don't see the point.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For me personally, I've been in that position where I've liked someone too much and I do everything to not go there again.

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By *ellhungvwe OP   Man
over a year ago

Cheltenham


"Nah, we message always - what’s the point in saying nothing as you’ll never know.

Even if someone says no, which we get, you’ve lost nothing still as you know then and can move on.

Plus we didn’t have much to lose as we don’t know them fully anyway.

If you don’t shoot you’ll never score…

K"

Amen to this. I am with you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I do message but then recently I've held back. Getting a few rejections doesn't help.

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By *ong-leggedblondWoman
over a year ago

Next Door

Too many rejections and/or no shows.

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By *imi_RougeWoman
over a year ago

Portsmouth

Definitely rejection, it's crippling... Soul destroying.

I'd rather not know

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm crafting a marriage proposal...I'm hesitant because it'd be my first message to him, but that's OK yes?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

just tired of being let down honestly...its like why bother ...they're all the same.

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By *ellhungvwe OP   Man
over a year ago

Cheltenham


"I'm crafting a marriage proposal...I'm hesitant because it'd be my first message to him, but that's OK yes? "

Seems reasonable to me.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Definitely rejection, it's crippling... Soul destroying.

I'd rather not know "

More fool them, beautiful lady

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By *oveChavvMan
over a year ago

weymouth


"Just reading the Without Context thread and I am amazed at the number of people who don’t message someone they want to.

I don’t get that - what have you got to lose?

What stops you from messaging people?"

People are scared of rejection

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By *ellhungvwe OP   Man
over a year ago

Cheltenham


"Too many rejections and/or no shows.

"

I am sure at least one person has shown up

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By *elix SightedMan
over a year ago

Cloud 8


"I'm crafting a marriage proposal...I'm hesitant because it'd be my first message to him, but that's OK yes? "

I will!

I mean, erm, go for it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Rejection .. so I’ll keep myself to myself

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By *lephantisMan
over a year ago

Oxford


"I would rather die alone and never have a single moment of intimacy again than risk rejection.

That's not hyperbole. It's literally true.

Oh, Elephantis, that makes me sad, my friend.

Seriously? I mean, I know what you mean. When you really get the feels for someone and go for broke with a message, it sucks being shot down. But alone for the rest of your life? That’s a sad thought."

Don't feel sorry for me! Luckily, not everyone is as cowardly as me, so I do get occasional messages.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

Shyness.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I dont like being rejected. Would rather wait to be messaged

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By *elix SightedMan
over a year ago

Cloud 8


"Just reading the Without Context thread and I am amazed at the number of people who don’t message someone they want to.

I don’t get that - what have you got to lose?

What stops you from messaging people?"

I don’t mind messaging women/couples to get a conversation going (that said, I haven’t felt like it for ages). My occasional reticence is down to not wanting to be shot down by anyone I actually really like. If I know they’re not interested, I’d rather save myself the disappointment and try to move on.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Distance.

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By *elix SightedMan
over a year ago

Cloud 8


"I would rather die alone and never have a single moment of intimacy again than risk rejection.

That's not hyperbole. It's literally true.

Oh, Elephantis, that makes me sad, my friend.

Seriously? I mean, I know what you mean. When you really get the feels for someone and go for broke with a message, it sucks being shot down. But alone for the rest of your life? That’s a sad thought.

Don't feel sorry for me! Luckily, not everyone is as cowardly as me, so I do get occasional messages. "

Splendid!

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon


"I'm crafting a marriage proposal...I'm hesitant because it'd be my first message to him, but that's OK yes? "

Ooh. Following

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By *cotsman269Man
over a year ago

Falkirk


"Distance."

Fully agree why are all the hotties so far away

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By *an de LyonMan
over a year ago

welling


"Just reading the Without Context thread and I am amazed at the number of people who don’t message someone they want to.

I don’t get that - what have you got to lose?

What stops you from messaging people?"

What’s the point? I’m not what most people are looking for. I don’t want to be a pain or a pest.

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By *hrek101Man
over a year ago

Herts

Pretty much first 3 replays summed it all up for me. I've never "chatted" anyone up, never asked anyone out, assume everyone out of my league. I have never messaged anyone first and never will.

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By *lexanderSupertrampMan
over a year ago

Gourock

I think we all hold ourselves back due the same feelings

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m constantly messaging lots of people but unfortunately without verifications it’s extremely difficult for a single male on here

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By *ersiantugMan
over a year ago

Cardiff

Speaking as a bisexual, it does seem to be harder with the opposite sex. Like when you think twice, that's it. pt

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By *4bimMan
over a year ago

Farnborough Hampshire

Do not fit profile requirements.

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By *ellhungvwe OP   Man
over a year ago

Cheltenham


"Do not fit profile requirements."

That I can understand and seems reasonable.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Distance."

This is one thing I never look at as I'm here to find guys I like, not guys that are convenient.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Nowadays we're either out of their age range, they want things we can't offer, distance or we want things they can't offer

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By *lexanderSupertrampMan
over a year ago

Gourock

Distance doesn't bother me, if i like someone ill make the effort

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You just don’t know whether you appeal to parties you’re messaging despite reading profile. You can fail for a multitude of reasons and it’s personal to them. Should not take it personally but it’s hard not to.

So it’s understandable for some to think what’s the point.

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

I’ll never message asking to meet. I’ll sometimes maybe message just in a friendly way if I like someone and work out if I think they may be interested from that. Depends how I’m feeling. Sometimes I’m really confident and sometimes I literally have no confidence at all.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Distance.

This is one thing I never look at as I'm here to find guys I like, not guys that are convenient. "

It all depends on what you are looking for I guess, making an one off trip to Scotland for example is doable but when you’re focused on something far more regular, it just is not practical

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ellhungvwe OP   Man
over a year ago

Cheltenham


"I’ll never message asking to meet. I’ll sometimes maybe message just in a friendly way if I like someone and work out if I think they may be interested from that. Depends how I’m feeling. Sometimes I’m really confident and sometimes I literally have no confidence at all. "

I would not be able to work out what someone thinks from an oblique message - if you are interested then that’s what a wink is for in my opinion.

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By *4bimMan
over a year ago

Farnborough Hampshire


"Do not fit profile requirements.

That I can understand and seems reasonable. "

Height, bald head etc if I read it and I don't fit you move on. It's simple

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By *ex HolesMan
over a year ago

Up North

Never live your life regretting things you’ve not done. If you’re rejected then move on, you’ll live and get over it. I will always tell someone on here if I find them attractive.

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts


"I’ll never message asking to meet. I’ll sometimes maybe message just in a friendly way if I like someone and work out if I think they may be interested from that. Depends how I’m feeling. Sometimes I’m really confident and sometimes I literally have no confidence at all.

I would not be able to work out what someone thinks from an oblique message - if you are interested then that’s what a wink is for in my opinion."

Maybe. I’ve never used those or even look at them. I can work it out if I chat enough.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Distance.

This is one thing I never look at as I'm here to find guys I like, not guys that are convenient. "

It's often the first thing I consider. I've no choice.

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

[Removed by poster at 06/05/23 23:01:16]

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ycanNightsMan
over a year ago

Workington


"Distance."

I don't mind traveling for the person.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts


"Distance.

This is one thing I never look at as I'm here to find guys I like, not guys that are convenient.

It all depends on what you are looking for I guess, making an one off trip to Scotland for example is doable but when you’re focused on something far more regular, it just is not practical "

I agree. And also depending if you have a lot of other commitments. No chance I can travel miles and miles to meet someone on a regular basis and I’m not interested in one offs.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *agneto.Man
over a year ago

Bham

Life is too short. I send the message. It's disappointing when you don't get a reply but at least I tried.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon


"Distance.

This is one thing I never look at as I'm here to find guys I like, not guys that are convenient. "

I look at it, cry inside and ignore it.

Because I agree

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By *edeWoman
over a year ago

the abyss

Not being enough

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By *estarossa.Woman
over a year ago

Flagrante


"Not being enough "

Being too much as well xx

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By *4bimMan
over a year ago

Farnborough Hampshire


"Not being enough "

Stop that.

You're the sort of woman I'd take away for a dirty week away

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Fear of rejection and body image issues.

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By *ehindHerEyesCouple
over a year ago

SomewhereOnlyWeKnow

Honestly I'll look at who they have met and if I'm nothing like them it's doesn't matter if I like them I won't message as I doubt they'd be interested anyway

Tinder x

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *eroLondonMan
over a year ago

Mayfair

From a men's perspective I can only presume that they don't message because their message will simply add to the other person's ever-increasing InBox, and thus remain unread for perpetuity.

The perception remains that it's a futile effort.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *avexxMan
over a year ago

cheshire


"Fear of rejection and body image issues. "
,, this

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon


"Not being enough "

And that

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon


"Fear of rejection and body image issues. "

And that

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon


"Honestly I'll look at who they have met and if I'm nothing like them it's doesn't matter if I like them I won't message as I doubt they'd be interested anyway

Tinder x"

And definitely that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Distance.

This is one thing I never look at as I'm here to find guys I like, not guys that are convenient.

It all depends on what you are looking for I guess, making an one off trip to Scotland for example is doable but when you’re focused on something far more regular, it just is not practical

I agree. And also depending if you have a lot of other commitments. No chance I can travel miles and miles to meet someone on a regular basis and I’m not interested in one offs. "

I've tried it before and I know it doesn't work for me. It limits me, and then I limit myself further. I'm a plonker.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Distance.

This is one thing I never look at as I'm here to find guys I like, not guys that are convenient.

It all depends on what you are looking for I guess, making an one off trip to Scotland for example is doable but when you’re focused on something far more regular, it just is not practical

I agree. And also depending if you have a lot of other commitments. No chance I can travel miles and miles to meet someone on a regular basis and I’m not interested in one offs. "

Same hence why I try to avoid such interactions.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Fear of rejection, cause I'm a big girl

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By *ittyandtheboyCouple
over a year ago

Back of the bins.


"Not being enough "

Whaaaaa, you’re amazing x

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By *edeWoman
over a year ago

the abyss


"Not being enough

Stop that.

You're the sort of woman I'd take away for a dirty week away"

Oh you

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts


"Distance.

This is one thing I never look at as I'm here to find guys I like, not guys that are convenient.

It all depends on what you are looking for I guess, making an one off trip to Scotland for example is doable but when you’re focused on something far more regular, it just is not practical

I agree. And also depending if you have a lot of other commitments. No chance I can travel miles and miles to meet someone on a regular basis and I’m not interested in one offs.

I've tried it before and I know it doesn't work for me. It limits me, and then I limit myself further. I'm a plonker. "

Yeah me too. A couple of times . I’ll go an hour though so I suppose half way could be someone 2 hours away and I’m in a good position being within no more than 30 minutes of 5 counties

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Distance.

This is one thing I never look at as I'm here to find guys I like, not guys that are convenient.

It all depends on what you are looking for I guess, making an one off trip to Scotland for example is doable but when you’re focused on something far more regular, it just is not practical

I agree. And also depending if you have a lot of other commitments. No chance I can travel miles and miles to meet someone on a regular basis and I’m not interested in one offs.

I've tried it before and I know it doesn't work for me. It limits me, and then I limit myself further. I'm a plonker. "

I have done this too and the furthest was a four hour flight away

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *4bimMan
over a year ago

Farnborough Hampshire

Regret is a terrible thing and often we leave it too late to do anything.

So travel if you can, arrange it, meet. You'll be smiling a lot after.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ycanNightsMan
over a year ago

Workington


"Not being enough "

Say...what...

You need more motivational quotes lol

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ull English with teaMan
over a year ago

London


"Never live your life regretting things you’ve not done. If you’re rejected then move on, you’ll live and get over it. I will always tell someone on here if I find them attractive. "

And I have to say it was appreciated

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Distance.

This is one thing I never look at as I'm here to find guys I like, not guys that are convenient.

It all depends on what you are looking for I guess, making an one off trip to Scotland for example is doable but when you’re focused on something far more regular, it just is not practical

I agree. And also depending if you have a lot of other commitments. No chance I can travel miles and miles to meet someone on a regular basis and I’m not interested in one offs.

I've tried it before and I know it doesn't work for me. It limits me, and then I limit myself further. I'm a plonker.

Yeah me too. A couple of times . I’ll go an hour though so I suppose half way could be someone 2 hours away and I’m in a good position being within no more than 30 minutes of 5 counties "

I live in the middle of nowhere and would happily travel 2 hours for the right person as I love driving anyway but it has to be a two way thing.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

99.9% of the population doesn't meet my current requirements, so I can't be arsed.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *hrek101Man
over a year ago

Herts


"From a men's perspective I can only presume that they don't message because their message will simply add to the other person's ever-increasing InBox, and thus remain unread for perpetuity.

The perception remains that it's a futile effort."
this too. Heard all the stories of womens inundated in boxes and think why bother adding to it. I always work on the assumption that ultimately if someone likes you they will let you know. I'm a very small fish in a very big pond. I very aware that the people I like are WAY out of my league so just add them to my hotlist instead

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Distance.

This is one thing I never look at as I'm here to find guys I like, not guys that are convenient.

It all depends on what you are looking for I guess, making an one off trip to Scotland for example is doable but when you’re focused on something far more regular, it just is not practical

I agree. And also depending if you have a lot of other commitments. No chance I can travel miles and miles to meet someone on a regular basis and I’m not interested in one offs.

I've tried it before and I know it doesn't work for me. It limits me, and then I limit myself further. I'm a plonker.

Yeah me too. A couple of times . I’ll go an hour though so I suppose half way could be someone 2 hours away and I’m in a good position being within no more than 30 minutes of 5 counties "

An hour is doable, for sure.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *edeWoman
over a year ago

the abyss


"Not being enough

Whaaaaa, you’re amazing x "

You're so lovely

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts


"From a men's perspective I can only presume that they don't message because their message will simply add to the other person's ever-increasing InBox, and thus remain unread for perpetuity.

The perception remains that it's a futile effort. this too. Heard all the stories of womens inundated in boxes and think why bother adding to it. I always work on the assumption that ultimately if someone likes you they will let you know. I'm a very small fish in a very big pond. I very aware that the people I like are WAY out of my league so just add them to my hotlist instead "

No such thing as leagues though. Someone said that to me once and it turned out I’d thought the same so neither of us had messaged. We saw each other for 2 years

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hello everyone

How are you ?

Yes broken heart is for sure a pain . But the thought that nothing will ever happen or go anywhere is even more suffocating . Something special has to happen . Is programmed that way and other wise computer says no . Not negotiable .

Rejections . They hurt, yes , but atblost you tried .

You are there . You are alive . At list your tried .

Rejection only hurt the first 12,000 then is like black olives in a pizza ,

The Shy can not kill the brave . Or the naughty never gets any I’m very shy . need to be brave , or else may never find a happiness

“ no pain , no game “

Nothing is a reason to let you think you not good enough . Or “ oh no …is to hot or to good for me “ - nonsense !!!!! how do u know ? U may have a 1 or 2 boxes ticked , as in body as in personality . U never know …

1 pirate’s trash is another pirate’s treasure .

Love vs fear of hurt : Aren’t I scared of hurt more ? Of course I am . Am I gonna give up no.

Does it hurt ? A fucking lot x

Will I surrender ? Never

Distance can be a kick in triangle . 100%

Can be far for a quick spin , but something special maybe is not that far

Distance is on the chemistry …

And no , we not all the same

Respect x x

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By *edeWoman
over a year ago

the abyss


"Honestly I'll look at who they have met and if I'm nothing like them it's doesn't matter if I like them I won't message as I doubt they'd be interested anyway

Tinder x

And definitely that "

This one is a killer

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By *ellhungvwe OP   Man
over a year ago

Cheltenham


"From a men's perspective I can only presume that they don't message because their message will simply add to the other person's ever-increasing InBox, and thus remain unread for perpetuity.

The perception remains that it's a futile effort. this too. Heard all the stories of womens inundated in boxes and think why bother adding to it. I always work on the assumption that ultimately if someone likes you they will let you know. I'm a very small fish in a very big pond. I very aware that the people I like are WAY out of my league so just add them to my hotlist instead

No such thing as leagues though. Someone said that to me once and it turned out I’d thought the same so neither of us had messaged. We saw each other for 2 years "

Boom - this is the key. Everyone thinks someone is out of their league when in fact no one is.

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By *hrynWoman
over a year ago

Sussex


"Fear of rejection, cause I'm a big girl "

This is me as well.

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By *rMonkeyMan
over a year ago

Somewhere

Past experience stops me messaging. I really like them but I suspect I may not meet their preference in one area. Last time I did meet someone who I suspected the same of it did not end well for me. Humiliating, absolutely destroyed my confidence for about 18 months.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"From a men's perspective I can only presume that they don't message because their message will simply add to the other person's ever-increasing InBox, and thus remain unread for perpetuity.

The perception remains that it's a futile effort. this too. Heard all the stories of womens inundated in boxes and think why bother adding to it. I always work on the assumption that ultimately if someone likes you they will let you know. I'm a very small fish in a very big pond. I very aware that the people I like are WAY out of my league so just add them to my hotlist instead

No such thing as leagues though. Someone said that to me once and it turned out I’d thought the same so neither of us had messaged. We saw each other for 2 years

Boom - this is the key. Everyone thinks someone is out of their league when in fact no one is."

I just don't agree. You might not like the phrase "out of their league" but people generally gravitate towards people of their level of attractiveness.

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By *elix SightedMan
over a year ago

Cloud 8


"From a men's perspective I can only presume that they don't message because their message will simply add to the other person's ever-increasing InBox, and thus remain unread for perpetuity.

The perception remains that it's a futile effort. this too. Heard all the stories of womens inundated in boxes and think why bother adding to it. I always work on the assumption that ultimately if someone likes you they will let you know. I'm a very small fish in a very big pond. I very aware that the people I like are WAY out of my league so just add them to my hotlist instead

No such thing as leagues though. Someone said that to me once and it turned out I’d thought the same so neither of us had messaged. We saw each other for 2 years "

I think it’s such a shame this is a thing for humans. There’s no such thing as leagues, it’s purely down to attraction or a lack of it (and not just physical attraction).

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts


"Past experience stops me messaging. I really like them but I suspect I may not meet their preference in one area. Last time I did meet someone who I suspected the same of it did not end well for me. Humiliating, absolutely destroyed my confidence for about 18 months."

Would anyone really say no those thighs?!

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts


"From a men's perspective I can only presume that they don't message because their message will simply add to the other person's ever-increasing InBox, and thus remain unread for perpetuity.

The perception remains that it's a futile effort. this too. Heard all the stories of womens inundated in boxes and think why bother adding to it. I always work on the assumption that ultimately if someone likes you they will let you know. I'm a very small fish in a very big pond. I very aware that the people I like are WAY out of my league so just add them to my hotlist instead

No such thing as leagues though. Someone said that to me once and it turned out I’d thought the same so neither of us had messaged. We saw each other for 2 years

I think it’s such a shame this is a thing for humans. There’s no such thing as leagues, it’s purely down to attraction or a lack of it (and not just physical attraction). "

This is what I think too. Not all women go for what’s seen as the “typically attractive” man. Half the celebrities people mention on here and in real life I just don’t see it at all. Having said that I do often think there’s no way he’ll want to meet me.

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

The thing that gets me is when people say things like "but no, you're x/y/z, you shouldn't feel that way".

Don't say that, please. It can make the person feel like their feelings aren't valid, aren't acceptable. And like they're not being taken seriously.

It's crappy feeling this way, but our feelings are valid. Try saying something along the lines of "you might think it, but I think a/b/c"

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"The thing that gets me is when people say things like "but no, you're x/y/z, you shouldn't feel that way".

Don't say that, please. It can make the person feel like their feelings aren't valid, aren't acceptable. And like they're not being taken seriously.

It's crappy feeling this way, but our feelings are valid. Try saying something along the lines of "you might think it, but I think a/b/c""

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By *edeWoman
over a year ago

the abyss


"The thing that gets me is when people say things like "but no, you're x/y/z, you shouldn't feel that way".

Don't say that, please. It can make the person feel like their feelings aren't valid, aren't acceptable. And like they're not being taken seriously.

It's crappy feeling this way, but our feelings are valid. Try saying something along the lines of "you might think it, but I think a/b/c""

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By *onkeynutWoman
over a year ago

somewhere

I don’t like rejection…. And I’m a realist, I hate the term ‘leagues’ but I am aware of my looks and there are some absolutely beautiful men who I would message if I was better looking and more in their ‘league’.

That, and I’m lazy.

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By *rMonkeyMan
over a year ago

Somewhere


"Past experience stops me messaging. I really like them but I suspect I may not meet their preference in one area. Last time I did meet someone who I suspected the same of it did not end well for me. Humiliating, absolutely destroyed my confidence for about 18 months.

Would anyone really say no those thighs?!"

I could handle thigh rejection. When what's between them is apparently not big enough and she points and laughs, that's a difficult one to brush off.

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon


"

I just don't agree. You might not like the phrase "out of their league" but people generally gravitate towards people of their level of attractiveness. "

I think attraction is subjective and therefore that's not actually the case.

Someone way out of my league is apparently gravitating towards me

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"Past experience stops me messaging. I really like them but I suspect I may not meet their preference in one area. Last time I did meet someone who I suspected the same of it did not end well for me. Humiliating, absolutely destroyed my confidence for about 18 months.

Would anyone really say no those thighs?!

I could handle thigh rejection. When what's between them is apparently not big enough and she points and laughs, that's a difficult one to brush off."

That's an awful thing to do to someone. I'm sorry.

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts


"Past experience stops me messaging. I really like them but I suspect I may not meet their preference in one area. Last time I did meet someone who I suspected the same of it did not end well for me. Humiliating, absolutely destroyed my confidence for about 18 months.

Would anyone really say no those thighs?!

I could handle thigh rejection. When what's between them is apparently not big enough and she points and laughs, that's a difficult one to brush off."

I know. I remember you saying. That’s such a shit thing to do. And I get why you felt like that xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"The thing that gets me is when people say things like "but no, you're x/y/z, you shouldn't feel that way".

Don't say that, please. It can make the person feel like their feelings aren't valid, aren't acceptable. And like they're not being taken seriously.

It's crappy feeling this way, but our feelings are valid. Try saying something along the lines of "you might think it, but I think a/b/c""

Feels like some of that here is simping, do you think?

It's frustrating when I see people being so honest and vulnerable but what they've said is immediately negated.

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By *imply DeeWoman
over a year ago

Wherever


"Most of the time i think they are out of my league"

I agree.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Just reading the Without Context thread and I am amazed at the number of people who don’t message someone they want to.

I don’t get that - what have you got to lose?

What stops you from messaging people?"

I do message people, but not always. I might think they won't be interested in me. Lack of confidence. I'm also crap at making first moves at times.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I don’t like rejection…. And I’m a realist, I hate the term ‘leagues’ but I am aware of my looks and there are some absolutely beautiful men who I would message if I was better looking and more in their ‘league’.

That, and I’m lazy."

You shouldnt feel like you cant measage anyone you are incedibly hot

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By *ellhungvwe OP   Man
over a year ago

Cheltenham


"From a men's perspective I can only presume that they don't message because their message will simply add to the other person's ever-increasing InBox, and thus remain unread for perpetuity.

The perception remains that it's a futile effort. this too. Heard all the stories of womens inundated in boxes and think why bother adding to it. I always work on the assumption that ultimately if someone likes you they will let you know. I'm a very small fish in a very big pond. I very aware that the people I like are WAY out of my league so just add them to my hotlist instead

No such thing as leagues though. Someone said that to me once and it turned out I’d thought the same so neither of us had messaged. We saw each other for 2 years

Boom - this is the key. Everyone thinks someone is out of their league when in fact no one is.

I just don't agree. You might not like the phrase "out of their league" but people generally gravitate towards people of their level of attractiveness. "

I can give you a list of things that I don’t find attractive about myself. I can also give you a list of people who I think are top drawer who don’t actually care about those things. It took me a long time to realise that different people like different things and you may well have that thing they want in bucket loads.

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By *estarossa.Woman
over a year ago

Flagrante

For me, body image, anxiety (which is weird because I used to be confident), availability, and geography. I don't really want one offs, I can't afford hotels really, and after a bad experience, I don't really want to meet at home anymore. The men I like aren't local, really wish they were.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I always message if someone takes my interest. Should never bother about rejection, happens to us all and at the end of the day these people are irrelevant to your life so who cares......send those messages and delete those rejections like they never happened

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By *ersiantugMan
over a year ago

Cardiff

I've never seen so many beautiful people worry about their looks and manners guys.

What's the point in Fab if it makes people feel shitty about themselves.? -pt

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Allergies

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Just reading the Without Context thread and I am amazed at the number of people who don’t message someone they want to.

I don’t get that - what have you got to lose?

What stops you from messaging people?"

On Fab I find it tricky because what if they send me a face picture and I’m not even remotely attracted to them, then what? Awkward back step? Oh I know messaged you first but erm actually no thanks

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By *inkylipsWoman
over a year ago

Debauchery


"Most of the time i think they are out of my league"

Yes this for me too is part of the reason I don’t

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By *ataleMan
over a year ago

Durham

Like others have said here - rejection is tough,

I’m only 5’7, and fairly skinny. I’m competing with guys who are at least 5’10, built and tattooed to the hilt. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t feel sorry for myself at all, but I am a realist

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By *agnar73Man
over a year ago

glasgow-ish

I look and think ‘no chance’ might not be true but the fear of seeing a message deleted or a ‘you’re not my type’ makes me think nah, why risk more rejection

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Mostly because we are realistic. We have a limited appeal and don't want to waste people's time that we know can't or won't go anywhere.

There are not that many profiles that are within a comfortable distance ie a distance that wouldn't cause guilt pressure should any party just not feel it but not in our back yard so we might know them. When you then refine that list by their filters, wants and desires and ours it gets a lot smaller. Then you consider both of us being attracted to the mostly faceless pictures and you end up with a handful if that.

Doesn't leave a lot of messages to send really. I'll ping someone a non leading message about topics in the forum and maybe occasionally the odd compliment but other than that there's nothing I wouldn't say in a public forum that would need a direct message really so why send one?

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By *hrek101Man
over a year ago

Herts


"From a men's perspective I can only presume that they don't message because their message will simply add to the other person's ever-increasing InBox, and thus remain unread for perpetuity.

The perception remains that it's a futile effort. this too. Heard all the stories of womens inundated in boxes and think why bother adding to it. I always work on the assumption that ultimately if someone likes you they will let you know. I'm a very small fish in a very big pond. I very aware that the people I like are WAY out of my league so just add them to my hotlist instead

No such thing as leagues though. Someone said that to me once and it turned out I’d thought the same so neither of us had messaged. We saw each other for 2 years

Boom - this is the key. Everyone thinks someone is out of their league when in fact no one is.

I just don't agree. You might not like the phrase "out of their league" but people generally gravitate towards people of their level of attractiveness. "

I agree with your don't agree. Just being a realist. It's different if they want to punch down and make the first move but life experience tells me that with the opposite sex to stay in my lane until invited. It is what it is..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Fear of rejection, cause I'm a big girl

This is me as well. "

Nonsense - we love BBW . I do .

That idea of Barbie is perfect and everyone else is crap ?

Is Magazine . Is social media making everyone

Slaiv to sale products :

Same engine as church now is social magazine

They make money making us feel like shit .

Men shy in front of they mates cause they in love and have a massive hard on with a big girl in the local bar . He loves look at her for ages

But is embarrassing cause everyone wil laugh

She ? She is depressive , cause she likes him , loves when each other eyes cross in the air

But is convinced she is dimmed cause is so big and hate herself .

Nonsense : is all market . Social brain wash

Is fake . Bigger girls is hot . I love BBW . And many others do .

And the idiot who dares to humiliate a lady for any reason related to that ? is not a man . is a fragment of embarrassment among us .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Just reading the Without Context thread and I am amazed at the number of people who don’t message someone they want to.

I don’t get that - what have you got to lose?

What stops you from messaging people?

I don’t mind messaging women/couples to get a conversation going (that said, I haven’t felt like it for ages). My occasional reticence is down to not wanting to be shot down by anyone I actually really like. If I know they’re not interested, I’d rather save myself the disappointment and try to move on."

I have had a secret (can't remember if i told you, i usually do..) crush on you for quite some time.

What usually stops me is distance..

Having said that, if you reply ( no pressure) in the forum, I'll never catch it. X

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By *ulieAndBeefCouple
over a year ago

Manchester-ish

Interesting thread. Our filters have been down for days. We have received two messages that are not from forum friends.

This is not an invitation for lurkyloos to message btw. I will probably just delete those.

J

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By *estarossa.Woman
over a year ago

Flagrante


"Past experience stops me messaging. I really like them but I suspect I may not meet their preference in one area. Last time I did meet someone who I suspected the same of it did not end well for me. Humiliating, absolutely destroyed my confidence for about 18 months.

Would anyone really say no those thighs?!

I could handle thigh rejection. When what's between them is apparently not big enough and she points and laughs, that's a difficult one to brush off."

Thats just disgusting behaviour, bullet dodged there.

Sending hugs.

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By *ellhungvwe OP   Man
over a year ago

Cheltenham


"Just reading the Without Context thread and I am amazed at the number of people who don’t message someone they want to.

I don’t get that - what have you got to lose?

What stops you from messaging people?

On Fab I find it tricky because what if they send me a face picture and I’m not even remotely attracted to them, then what? Awkward back step? Oh I know messaged you first but erm actually no thanks"

I have had people say I am not for them after they have sent the first message and I have sent a picture. That life. I think I would rather have a “thanks but not for me” than a straight block.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Past experience stops me messaging. I really like them but I suspect I may not meet their preference in one area. Last time I did meet someone who I suspected the same of it did not end well for me. Humiliating, absolutely destroyed my confidence for about 18 months.

Would anyone really say no those thighs?!

I could handle thigh rejection. When what's between them is apparently not big enough and she points and laughs, that's a difficult one to brush off."

What a silly girl, she clearly has no idea what the attraction is of a strong pair of thighs!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"From a men's perspective I can only presume that they don't message because their message will simply add to the other person's ever-increasing InBox, and thus remain unread for perpetuity.

The perception remains that it's a futile effort. this too. Heard all the stories of womens inundated in boxes and think why bother adding to it. I always work on the assumption that ultimately if someone likes you they will let you know. I'm a very small fish in a very big pond. I very aware that the people I like are WAY out of my league so just add them to my hotlist instead

No such thing as leagues though. Someone said that to me once and it turned out I’d thought the same so neither of us had messaged. We saw each other for 2 years

Boom - this is the key. Everyone thinks someone is out of their league when in fact no one is.

I just don't agree. You might not like the phrase "out of their league" but people generally gravitate towards people of their level of attractiveness.

I can give you a list of things that I don’t find attractive about myself. I can also give you a list of people who I think are top drawer who don’t actually care about those things. It took me a long time to realise that different people like different things and you may well have that thing they want in bucket loads."

It's my experience as a single woman that if it looks too good to be true, it is. I'm a pragmatic person. And I've been used enough times to be very cynical about men's interest. (That's my experience, not gendered).

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By *izzy.miss.lizzyCouple
over a year ago

Pembrokeshire

We message

No answer doesn't matter

Best to not take it too personally or too seriously

If you weren't their cup of tea, their loss.

Hopefully next time will be more fun anyway?

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon


"The thing that gets me is when people say things like "but no, you're x/y/z, you shouldn't feel that way".

Don't say that, please. It can make the person feel like their feelings aren't valid, aren't acceptable. And like they're not being taken seriously.

It's crappy feeling this way, but our feelings are valid. Try saying something along the lines of "you might think it, but I think a/b/c"

Feels like some of that here is simping, do you think?

It's frustrating when I see people being so honest and vulnerable but what they've said is immediately negated. "

I don't know about simping so much, I think it is usually genuine.

But negating honesty and vulnerability is the part that makes me sad.

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By *lexanderSupertrampMan
over a year ago

Gourock

As I've read through this thread tonight I've started to write a comment numerous times and then thought, nah that's a load of nonsense your typing.

Probably the same reasons that stop me replying more tonight are the same reasons I have very few conversations of any substance with someone on here. Although it does happen and when it does it suprises me.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ellhungvwe OP   Man
over a year ago

Cheltenham


"From a men's perspective I can only presume that they don't message because their message will simply add to the other person's ever-increasing InBox, and thus remain unread for perpetuity.

The perception remains that it's a futile effort. this too. Heard all the stories of womens inundated in boxes and think why bother adding to it. I always work on the assumption that ultimately if someone likes you they will let you know. I'm a very small fish in a very big pond. I very aware that the people I like are WAY out of my league so just add them to my hotlist instead

No such thing as leagues though. Someone said that to me once and it turned out I’d thought the same so neither of us had messaged. We saw each other for 2 years

Boom - this is the key. Everyone thinks someone is out of their league when in fact no one is.

I just don't agree. You might not like the phrase "out of their league" but people generally gravitate towards people of their level of attractiveness.

I agree with your don't agree. Just being a realist. It's different if they want to punch down and make the first move but life experience tells me that with the opposite sex to stay in my lane until invited. It is what it is.."

I don’t think life experience and fab experience are the same thing - they definitely aren’t for me.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ellhungvwe OP   Man
over a year ago

Cheltenham


"As I've read through this thread tonight I've started to write a comment numerous times and then thought, nah that's a load of nonsense your typing.

Probably the same reasons that stop me replying more tonight are the same reasons I have very few conversations of any substance with someone on here. Although it does happen and when it does it suprises me. "

Just go for it and press send on the comments

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Just reading the Without Context thread and I am amazed at the number of people who don’t message someone they want to.

I don’t get that - what have you got to lose?

What stops you from messaging people?"

I just never be so bold to think they'd be interested

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"The thing that gets me is when people say things like "but no, you're x/y/z, you shouldn't feel that way".

Don't say that, please. It can make the person feel like their feelings aren't valid, aren't acceptable. And like they're not being taken seriously.

It's crappy feeling this way, but our feelings are valid. Try saying something along the lines of "you might think it, but I think a/b/c"

Feels like some of that here is simping, do you think?

It's frustrating when I see people being so honest and vulnerable but what they've said is immediately negated.

I don't know about simping so much, I think it is usually genuine.

But negating honesty and vulnerability is the part that makes me sad."

I'm too cynical compared to you, Posh! You say things so much nicer ( bad English but...)

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *hePerkyPumpkinTV/TS
over a year ago

Bristol

I know it won't get read

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By *elix SightedMan
over a year ago

Cloud 8


"From a men's perspective I can only presume that they don't message because their message will simply add to the other person's ever-increasing InBox, and thus remain unread for perpetuity.

The perception remains that it's a futile effort. this too. Heard all the stories of womens inundated in boxes and think why bother adding to it. I always work on the assumption that ultimately if someone likes you they will let you know. I'm a very small fish in a very big pond. I very aware that the people I like are WAY out of my league so just add them to my hotlist instead

No such thing as leagues though. Someone said that to me once and it turned out I’d thought the same so neither of us had messaged. We saw each other for 2 years

I think it’s such a shame this is a thing for humans. There’s no such thing as leagues, it’s purely down to attraction or a lack of it (and not just physical attraction).

This is what I think too. Not all women go for what’s seen as the “typically attractive” man. Half the celebrities people mention on here and in real life I just don’t see it at all. Having said that I do often think there’s no way he’ll want to meet me. "

And what I also meant to write is that no one in this world is better than anyone else. That’s what leagues make think of - elitism. Horrible.

We’re all human beans. We might look and think differently but we’re equally valuable and valid. Therefore, one should never feel out of someone else’s league. If you fancy them, great. They may not fancy you and that is just a personal preference. But if they do…… (insert fireworks emoji here)

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"As I've read through this thread tonight I've started to write a comment numerous times and then thought, nah that's a load of nonsense your typing.

Probably the same reasons that stop me replying more tonight are the same reasons I have very few conversations of any substance with someone on here. Although it does happen and when it does it suprises me. "

I've always found if I'm prepared to take the risk and open up on a forum, other people will respond. And the conversations open up. Maybe ?

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By *elix SightedMan
over a year ago

Cloud 8


"The thing that gets me is when people say things like "but no, you're x/y/z, you shouldn't feel that way".

Don't say that, please. It can make the person feel like their feelings aren't valid, aren't acceptable. And like they're not being taken seriously.

It's crappy feeling this way, but our feelings are valid. Try saying something along the lines of "you might think it, but I think a/b/c""

I’m afraid that’s all completely wrong

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts


"From a men's perspective I can only presume that they don't message because their message will simply add to the other person's ever-increasing InBox, and thus remain unread for perpetuity.

The perception remains that it's a futile effort. this too. Heard all the stories of womens inundated in boxes and think why bother adding to it. I always work on the assumption that ultimately if someone likes you they will let you know. I'm a very small fish in a very big pond. I very aware that the people I like are WAY out of my league so just add them to my hotlist instead

No such thing as leagues though. Someone said that to me once and it turned out I’d thought the same so neither of us had messaged. We saw each other for 2 years

I think it’s such a shame this is a thing for humans. There’s no such thing as leagues, it’s purely down to attraction or a lack of it (and not just physical attraction).

This is what I think too. Not all women go for what’s seen as the “typically attractive” man. Half the celebrities people mention on here and in real life I just don’t see it at all. Having said that I do often think there’s no way he’ll want to meet me.

And what I also meant to write is that no one in this world is better than anyone else. That’s what leagues make think of - elitism. Horrible.

We’re all human beans. We might look and think differently but we’re equally valuable and valid. Therefore, one should never feel out of someone else’s league. If you fancy them, great. They may not fancy you and that is just a personal preference. But if they do…… (insert fireworks emoji here)"

Yeah I’ve never liked the league thing. Hate it. But I do get the not messaging someone because you think they’re too hot for you thing. Or looking at who they’ve met before and seeing how hot they are!

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *lexanderSupertrampMan
over a year ago

Gourock


"As I've read through this thread tonight I've started to write a comment numerous times and then thought, nah that's a load of nonsense your typing.

Probably the same reasons that stop me replying more tonight are the same reasons I have very few conversations of any substance with someone on here. Although it does happen and when it does it suprises me.

I've always found if I'm prepared to take the risk and open up on a forum, other people will respond. And the conversations open up. Maybe ? "

Maybe I just need to give myself a shake then

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"From a men's perspective I can only presume that they don't message because their message will simply add to the other person's ever-increasing InBox, and thus remain unread for perpetuity.

The perception remains that it's a futile effort. this too. Heard all the stories of womens inundated in boxes and think why bother adding to it. I always work on the assumption that ultimately if someone likes you they will let you know. I'm a very small fish in a very big pond. I very aware that the people I like are WAY out of my league so just add them to my hotlist instead

No such thing as leagues though. Someone said that to me once and it turned out I’d thought the same so neither of us had messaged. We saw each other for 2 years

I think it’s such a shame this is a thing for humans. There’s no such thing as leagues, it’s purely down to attraction or a lack of it (and not just physical attraction).

This is what I think too. Not all women go for what’s seen as the “typically attractive” man. Half the celebrities people mention on here and in real life I just don’t see it at all. Having said that I do often think there’s no way he’ll want to meet me.

And what I also meant to write is that no one in this world is better than anyone else. That’s what leagues make think of - elitism. Horrible.

We’re all human beans. We might look and think differently but we’re equally valuable and valid. Therefore, one should never feel out of someone else’s league. If you fancy them, great. They may not fancy you and that is just a personal preference. But if they do…… (insert fireworks emoji here)

Yeah I’ve never liked the league thing. Hate it. But I do get the not messaging someone because you think they’re too hot for you thing. Or looking at who they’ve met before and seeing how hot they are! "

I often think I'm just not going to be as good at the sex, after I've read the veris. I'm no pretzel.

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By *ellhungvwe OP   Man
over a year ago

Cheltenham


"

I often think I'm just not going to be as good at the sex, after I've read the veris. I'm no pretzel. "

I think the best sex is as much in the mind as anything else and everyone can be good at that.

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts


"From a men's perspective I can only presume that they don't message because their message will simply add to the other person's ever-increasing InBox, and thus remain unread for perpetuity.

The perception remains that it's a futile effort. this too. Heard all the stories of womens inundated in boxes and think why bother adding to it. I always work on the assumption that ultimately if someone likes you they will let you know. I'm a very small fish in a very big pond. I very aware that the people I like are WAY out of my league so just add them to my hotlist instead

No such thing as leagues though. Someone said that to me once and it turned out I’d thought the same so neither of us had messaged. We saw each other for 2 years

I think it’s such a shame this is a thing for humans. There’s no such thing as leagues, it’s purely down to attraction or a lack of it (and not just physical attraction).

This is what I think too. Not all women go for what’s seen as the “typically attractive” man. Half the celebrities people mention on here and in real life I just don’t see it at all. Having said that I do often think there’s no way he’ll want to meet me.

And what I also meant to write is that no one in this world is better than anyone else. That’s what leagues make think of - elitism. Horrible.

We’re all human beans. We might look and think differently but we’re equally valuable and valid. Therefore, one should never feel out of someone else’s league. If you fancy them, great. They may not fancy you and that is just a personal preference. But if they do…… (insert fireworks emoji here)

Yeah I’ve never liked the league thing. Hate it. But I do get the not messaging someone because you think they’re too hot for you thing. Or looking at who they’ve met before and seeing how hot they are!

I often think I'm just not going to be as good at the sex, after I've read the veris. I'm no pretzel. "

pretzel

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

I often think I'm just not going to be as good at the sex, after I've read the veris. I'm no pretzel.

I think the best sex is as much in the mind as anything else and everyone can be good at that."

Finding that psychological connection is essential however not everyone is on the same wavelength.

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By *elix SightedMan
over a year ago

Cloud 8


"

And what I also meant to write is that no one in this world is better than anyone else. That’s what leagues make think of - elitism. Horrible.

We’re all human beans. We might look and think differently but we’re equally valuable and valid. Therefore, one should never feel out of someone else’s league. If you fancy them, great. They may not fancy you and that is just a personal preference. But if they do…… (insert fireworks emoji here)

Yeah I’ve never liked the league thing. Hate it. But I do get the not messaging someone because you think they’re too hot for you thing. Or looking at who they’ve met before and seeing how hot they are! "

Yes, I must admit I do that, too. I know what I look like compared to other guys and so when I see someone I fancy I *might* think “She’ll never go for me given the choices she’s got”.

But the point to which we have both eluded is that one just never knows. It’s not always about just physical attraction or, if it is, they might be more into abc than xyz.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ansoffateMan
over a year ago

Sagittarius A


"Distance.

This is one thing I never look at as I'm here to find guys I like, not guys that are convenient. "

I think the same way. But then I got really into someone (different site) down in Swansea. Just wasn't possible for it to work. I was a bit gutted, must be life in my dark heart still somewhere.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts


"

And what I also meant to write is that no one in this world is better than anyone else. That’s what leagues make think of - elitism. Horrible.

We’re all human beans. We might look and think differently but we’re equally valuable and valid. Therefore, one should never feel out of someone else’s league. If you fancy them, great. They may not fancy you and that is just a personal preference. But if they do…… (insert fireworks emoji here)

Yeah I’ve never liked the league thing. Hate it. But I do get the not messaging someone because you think they’re too hot for you thing. Or looking at who they’ve met before and seeing how hot they are!

Yes, I must admit I do that, too. I know what I look like compared to other guys and so when I see someone I fancy I *might* think “She’ll never go for me given the choices she’s got”.

But the point to which we have both eluded is that one just never knows. It’s not always about just physical attraction or, if it is, they might be more into abc than xyz."

True. FAF?

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"

And what I also meant to write is that no one in this world is better than anyone else. That’s what leagues make think of - elitism. Horrible.

We’re all human beans. We might look and think differently but we’re equally valuable and valid. Therefore, one should never feel out of someone else’s league. If you fancy them, great. They may not fancy you and that is just a personal preference. But if they do…… (insert fireworks emoji here)

Yeah I’ve never liked the league thing. Hate it. But I do get the not messaging someone because you think they’re too hot for you thing. Or looking at who they’ve met before and seeing how hot they are!

Yes, I must admit I do that, too. I know what I look like compared to other guys and so when I see someone I fancy I *might* think “She’ll never go for me given the choices she’s got”.

But the point to which we have both eluded is that one just never knows. It’s not always about just physical attraction or, if it is, they might be more into abc than xyz."

I think we're all our own worst critics when it comes to attractiveness

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *elix SightedMan
over a year ago

Cloud 8


"

And what I also meant to write is that no one in this world is better than anyone else. That’s what leagues make think of - elitism. Horrible.

We’re all human beans. We might look and think differently but we’re equally valuable and valid. Therefore, one should never feel out of someone else’s league. If you fancy them, great. They may not fancy you and that is just a personal preference. But if they do…… (insert fireworks emoji here)

Yeah I’ve never liked the league thing. Hate it. But I do get the not messaging someone because you think they’re too hot for you thing. Or looking at who they’ve met before and seeing how hot they are!

Yes, I must admit I do that, too. I know what I look like compared to other guys and so when I see someone I fancy I *might* think “She’ll never go for me given the choices she’s got”.

But the point to which we have both eluded is that one just never knows. It’s not always about just physical attraction or, if it is, they might be more into abc than xyz.

True. FAF?"

Haha!!! You little rascal

Yea, go in then, I’ve got some time to kill this weekend

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ris GrayMan
over a year ago

Dorchester


"

And what I also meant to write is that no one in this world is better than anyone else. That’s what leagues make think of - elitism. Horrible.

We’re all human beans. We might look and think differently but we’re equally valuable and valid. Therefore, one should never feel out of someone else’s league. If you fancy them, great. They may not fancy you and that is just a personal preference. But if they do…… (insert fireworks emoji here)

Yeah I’ve never liked the league thing. Hate it. But I do get the not messaging someone because you think they’re too hot for you thing. Or looking at who they’ve met before and seeing how hot they are!

Yes, I must admit I do that, too. I know what I look like compared to other guys and so when I see someone I fancy I *might* think “She’ll never go for me given the choices she’s got”.

But the point to which we have both eluded is that one just never knows. It’s not always about just physical attraction or, if it is, they might be more into abc than xyz."
It is about physical attraction first, then she gets to know you then if you pass the getting to know, you get to meet

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *d4funtimesMan
over a year ago

Cambridge


"Just reading the Without Context thread and I am amazed at the number of people who don’t message someone they want to.

I don’t get that - what have you got to lose?

What stops you from messaging people?"

Most of the time, the distance

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ames-77Man
over a year ago

milton keynes

Are there people on here who don't message people they want to ??

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *4bimMan
over a year ago

Farnborough Hampshire


"Not being enough

Stop that.

You're the sort of woman I'd take away for a dirty week away

Oh you "

Well I would. Past interactions tell me time and money would be well spent. An investment dont doubt yourself xx

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My own self doubt is probably the biggest reason I don't do most things.

Sometimes though, I do put my big girl pants on and get brave.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ellhungvwe OP   Man
over a year ago

Cheltenham


"

And what I also meant to write is that no one in this world is better than anyone else. That’s what leagues make think of - elitism. Horrible.

We’re all human beans. We might look and think differently but we’re equally valuable and valid. Therefore, one should never feel out of someone else’s league. If you fancy them, great. They may not fancy you and that is just a personal preference. But if they do…… (insert fireworks emoji here)

Yeah I’ve never liked the league thing. Hate it. But I do get the not messaging someone because you think they’re too hot for you thing. Or looking at who they’ve met before and seeing how hot they are!

Yes, I must admit I do that, too. I know what I look like compared to other guys and so when I see someone I fancy I *might* think “She’ll never go for me given the choices she’s got”.

But the point to which we have both eluded is that one just never knows. It’s not always about just physical attraction or, if it is, they might be more into abc than xyz.

I think we're all our own worst critics when it comes to attractiveness "

We worry that everyone sees our flaws when in reality everyone is worried about theirs and don’t notice ours.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon


"

And what I also meant to write is that no one in this world is better than anyone else. That’s what leagues make think of - elitism. Horrible.

We’re all human beans. We might look and think differently but we’re equally valuable and valid. Therefore, one should never feel out of someone else’s league. If you fancy them, great. They may not fancy you and that is just a personal preference. But if they do…… (insert fireworks emoji here)"

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ris GrayMan
over a year ago

Dorchester


"Just reading the Without Context thread and I am amazed at the number of people who don’t message someone they want to.

I don’t get that - what have you got to lose?

What stops you from messaging people?"
I don't message at all, i prefer to meet in person and do

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon


"The thing that gets me is when people say things like "but no, you're x/y/z, you shouldn't feel that way".

Don't say that, please. It can make the person feel like their feelings aren't valid, aren't acceptable. And like they're not being taken seriously.

It's crappy feeling this way, but our feelings are valid. Try saying something along the lines of "you might think it, but I think a/b/c"

I’m afraid that’s all completely wrong

"

You're pulling my pigtails, aren't you

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts


"

And what I also meant to write is that no one in this world is better than anyone else. That’s what leagues make think of - elitism. Horrible.

We’re all human beans. We might look and think differently but we’re equally valuable and valid. Therefore, one should never feel out of someone else’s league. If you fancy them, great. They may not fancy you and that is just a personal preference. But if they do…… (insert fireworks emoji here)

Yeah I’ve never liked the league thing. Hate it. But I do get the not messaging someone because you think they’re too hot for you thing. Or looking at who they’ve met before and seeing how hot they are!

Yes, I must admit I do that, too. I know what I look like compared to other guys and so when I see someone I fancy I *might* think “She’ll never go for me given the choices she’s got”.

But the point to which we have both eluded is that one just never knows. It’s not always about just physical attraction or, if it is, they might be more into abc than xyz.

True. FAF?

Haha!!! You little rascal

Yea, go in then, I’ve got some time to kill this weekend "

Deal. Wear those tight pants

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *elix SightedMan
over a year ago

Cloud 8


"The thing that gets me is when people say things like "but no, you're x/y/z, you shouldn't feel that way".

Don't say that, please. It can make the person feel like their feelings aren't valid, aren't acceptable. And like they're not being taken seriously.

It's crappy feeling this way, but our feelings are valid. Try saying something along the lines of "you might think it, but I think a/b/c"

I’m afraid that’s all completely wrong

You're pulling my pigtails, aren't you "

My day wouldn’t be complete if I wasn’t pulling something

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *acDreamyMan
over a year ago

Wirral

You have to pick your moment. If they have an inbox full they will probably never read a message from me anyway.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon


"The thing that gets me is when people say things like "but no, you're x/y/z, you shouldn't feel that way".

Don't say that, please. It can make the person feel like their feelings aren't valid, aren't acceptable. And like they're not being taken seriously.

It's crappy feeling this way, but our feelings are valid. Try saying something along the lines of "you might think it, but I think a/b/c"

I’m afraid that’s all completely wrong

You're pulling my pigtails, aren't you

My day wouldn’t be complete if I wasn’t pulling something "

I feel like that about sucking

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *elix SightedMan
over a year ago

Cloud 8


"

And what I also meant to write is that no one in this world is better than anyone else. That’s what leagues make think of - elitism. Horrible.

We’re all human beans. We might look and think differently but we’re equally valuable and valid. Therefore, one should never feel out of someone else’s league. If you fancy them, great. They may not fancy you and that is just a personal preference. But if they do…… (insert fireworks emoji here)

Yeah I’ve never liked the league thing. Hate it. But I do get the not messaging someone because you think they’re too hot for you thing. Or looking at who they’ve met before and seeing how hot they are!

Yes, I must admit I do that, too. I know what I look like compared to other guys and so when I see someone I fancy I *might* think “She’ll never go for me given the choices she’s got”.

But the point to which we have both eluded is that one just never knows. It’s not always about just physical attraction or, if it is, they might be more into abc than xyz.

True. FAF?

Haha!!! You little rascal

Yea, go in then, I’ve got some time to kill this weekend

Deal. Wear those tight pants "

Pervert

As long as you wear those stockings

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *eroLondonMan
over a year ago

Mayfair


"From a men's perspective I can only presume that they don't message because their message will simply add to the other person's ever-increasing InBox, and thus remain unread for perpetuity.

The perception remains that it's a futile effort.

·

this too. Heard all the stories of womens inundated in boxes and think why bother adding to it. I always work on the assumption that ultimately if someone likes you they will let you know. I'm a very small fish in a very big pond. I very aware that the people I like are WAY out of my league so just add them to my hotlist instead "

•

Regardless of whether being in or out of someone's league matters or not, it's still a normal human condition to feel that way.

I don't prescribe to the "league" theory; my reservations are down to not meeting their criteria. Hence why I haven't sent an •introductory• message in almost two years. Women do indeed send messages.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Just reading the Without Context thread and I am amazed at the number of people who don’t message someone they want to.

I don’t get that - what have you got to lose?

What stops you from messaging people?

I do message people, but not always. I might think they won't be interested in me. Lack of confidence. I'm also crap at making first moves at times. "

I struggle with aprocahing a starter in public .

Online I don’t struggle to message . I’m shielded .

And once we meet , hang out , I may be dead to jump on a lady , but respecting her space , I feel very shy . Then I struggle with a first move .

I been taken as not being interested for this before … she thought I didn’t wanted when I was only being polite and a gentleman ^^

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ixed MisterMan
over a year ago

London

For me not messaging someone I'm interested in getting to know comes down to 2 things.

Either not meeting what they describe on their profile or not being in the position to deliver what they require based on what thier profile says. Right person wrong time is the most annoying thing to happen in any walk of like and that seems to be massively magnified on here from my experience.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts


"

And what I also meant to write is that no one in this world is better than anyone else. That’s what leagues make think of - elitism. Horrible.

We’re all human beans. We might look and think differently but we’re equally valuable and valid. Therefore, one should never feel out of someone else’s league. If you fancy them, great. They may not fancy you and that is just a personal preference. But if they do…… (insert fireworks emoji here)

Yeah I’ve never liked the league thing. Hate it. But I do get the not messaging someone because you think they’re too hot for you thing. Or looking at who they’ve met before and seeing how hot they are!

Yes, I must admit I do that, too. I know what I look like compared to other guys and so when I see someone I fancy I *might* think “She’ll never go for me given the choices she’s got”.

But the point to which we have both eluded is that one just never knows. It’s not always about just physical attraction or, if it is, they might be more into abc than xyz.

True. FAF?

Haha!!! You little rascal

Yea, go in then, I’ve got some time to kill this weekend

Deal. Wear those tight pants

Pervert

As long as you wear those stockings "

No problem

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *hrek101Man
over a year ago

Herts

Ironicy in all other aspects of life I am super outgoing and confident. When someone has clearly expressed an interest I have no problem. I just never put myself forward as potentially being anyone's first choice. I always think she could do much better than me. It's probably the only negative emotion I have about myself. Probably stems from being told I was ugly and no one would ever want me by my parents. To this day my mum still says it. Weird. This is a great thread so much better than the usual drivel, thank you OP and everyone that has contributed.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ellhungvwe OP   Man
over a year ago

Cheltenham


"Ironicy in all other aspects of life I am super outgoing and confident. When someone has clearly expressed an interest I have no problem. I just never put myself forward as potentially being anyone's first choice. I always think she could do much better than me. It's probably the only negative emotion I have about myself. Probably stems from being told I was ugly and no one would ever want me by my parents. To this day my mum still says it. Weird. This is a great thread so much better than the usual drivel, thank you OP and everyone that has contributed."

I agree great thoughts from everyone.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ily WhiteWoman
over a year ago

?

When I was meeting I never had any qualms about messaging anyone that I liked the look of. In fact, I only ever met one person that I didn't make initial contact with.

I've never understood the fear of rejection. Nobody is universally attractive to every other human on the planet. You may never know if someone likes the look of you unless you ask.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ansoffateMan
over a year ago

Sagittarius A

Rejection nope that's fine, hurts sometimes - shrug.

Out of their league - once upon a time, but I have been surprised too many times, both ways, to think like that anymore.

Getting the feelies - nope that's a beautiful thing.

Falling in love again - terrified.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Easy answer. …. Every woman or man that has screamed negativity in the forums about the number of messages they get and can’t put up with…..

I don’t want to litter their inbox with ‘junk mail’ as it would be a full time job to go through it all so they periodically have to bulk delete, etc etc etc..

Honestly, i wouldn’t message someone simply because I imagine they wouldn’t want me to. Or, I’ve read something where I know we wouldn’t get along any more than we already do.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Pretty much first 3 replays summed it all up for me. I've never "chatted" anyone up, never asked anyone out, assume everyone out of my league. I have never messaged anyone first and never will."

I’d chat to you if you were near us.. love your pics

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ames-77Man
over a year ago

milton keynes

Fuck all stops me if I want to message

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *heRazorsEdgeMan
over a year ago

Wales/ All over UK

There are a few reasons I don’t message someone that I want to. The most common are…

1. I think they’re out of my league and I’d be wasting my time.

2. They’re a fair distance from me and won’t believe that I’m willing to travel that far.

3. I’m not what they’re looking for according to their profile… typically “hung”

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Rejection hurts.

Sometimes I take a rush of blood to the head and do it though

Fully agree"

Rejection and I’m to old

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

We never send out messages anymore. No point. They only go ignored. So we don’t bother anymore.

The mr

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"For me personally, I've been in that position where I've liked someone too much and I do everything to not go there again.

"

I can understand that, when it’s self protection then your own self care is paramount, but for me I also think what if? And thats what makes me want to try.

But any man that gets to have your attention on them is a truly lucky guy.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Distance.

Fully agree why are all the hotties so far away "

But ravel mate, take the plunge. I travelled all the way to Glasgow and had a fantastic time.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Distance.

Fully agree why are all the hotties so far away

But ravel mate, take the plunge. I travelled all the way to Glasgow and had a fantastic time. "

Jeezz that’s not a short trip

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Distance.

Fully agree why are all the hotties so far away

But ravel mate, take the plunge. I travelled all the way to Glasgow and had a fantastic time.

Jeezz that’s not a short trip "

No but we made a full weekend of it and it went far too quickly. But was an awesome weekend.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Distance.

Fully agree why are all the hotties so far away

But ravel mate, take the plunge. I travelled all the way to Glasgow and had a fantastic time.

Jeezz that’s not a short trip

No but we made a full weekend of it and it went far too quickly. But was an awesome weekend. "

Aww that Makes the travelling worth while then

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *andadbodMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

the sheer volume of messages they probably already get.

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By *it4uMan
over a year ago

Brighton / Eastbourne

I always message, ‘it’s good to talk’ yes I get nearly 100% rejection but I’m use to it now.

I work on the principal of anything more than a no reply I’m doing very well. And on that note no one will probably read this let alone reply

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don’t see leagues as such, I do see some incredibly beautiful women and think. No I’m to old, to far away and people thinking “he’s punching” but I usually do it anyway, and if I get knocked back I’m usually ok with it but sometimes it can sting.

My advice is live a little, take a risk message her or him and chat. If your shy see how they interact in the forums and the drop them a message to do with the thread. Be spontaneous and see where it goes. I’m pretty old school and rejection usually happened a lot face to face in a bar where you’d pluck up enough courage to ask them if they wanted a drink. And then be told a firm no. Lol

“Home alone then”

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