FabSwingers.com forum: That reply privately button needs killing with fire!

By *adyJayne OP Woman
over a year ago

Burnleyish (She/They)

Just my option but I really really wish it didn't exist.

I've had to start adding onto forum posts to not message me privately, and I've seen other women start to do it.

Don't get me wrong I love the forums, but I post here because I like open discussion with multiple inputs...

It's not that hard to go to someone's profile of you want to message them right?

I keep my messages unfiltered for a reason, occasionally I'll get a message from someone asking advice or just starting a really great conversation.

But mostly that button seems to be used (in my case) by men that want to share often quite explicit stories... There is no conversation, just a splurge of badly written, wank fodderesque words.

Yeah turns out this is mostly a rant and me screaming into the void but it's one I needed today

#sorrynotsorry

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

I commented on on to say I like small cocks, the inbox exploded with every man wanting to show me his little cock, despite me stating I don't want to see them.

I'll never comment on a cock post again

Mrs

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By *agerMorganMan
over a year ago

Canvey Island

I had one recently private message me about my ex.

Errr what the?

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By *offiaCoolWoman
over a year ago

Kidsgrove

I've learnt not to post in fishing threads.

Do women like chunky guys etc. You say you do. You get reply privately......here I am......

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

It's a peculiar option that should be killed or optionally set, if users welcome it

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By *loss aka Miss JonesWoman
over a year ago

south coast IOW

"Just my option but I really really wish it didn't exist.

I've had to start adding onto forum posts to not message me privately, and I've seen other women start to do it.

Don't get me wrong I love the forums, but I post here because I like open discussion with multiple inputs...

It's not that hard to go to someone's profile of you want to message them right?

I keep my messages unfiltered for a reason, occasionally I'll get a message from someone asking advice or just starting a really great conversation.

But mostly that button seems to be used (in my case) by men that want to share often quite explicit stories... There is no conversation, just a splurge of badly written, wank fodderesque words.

Yeah turns out this is mostly a rant and me screaming into the void but it's one I needed today

#sorrynotsorry"

Totally agree. If it’s a forum discussion any reply should be in the forum. I don’t know why people feel the need to send a private message. I put up one comment for discussion a few weeks ago and had so many PM responses I haven’t bothered to do another.

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By *ansexualPandaMan
over a year ago

cumallover

I'd say about 20-25% of the messages I get are replies from forum posts. Usually, it's something that they could have and should have replied with a comment. There are a lot of lurkers who only private message and for me at least, it seems they're all guys.

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

I very rarely get messages from forum posts. What am I doing wrong?!

Tell a lie, if I mention in the forum I like cock pics, I usually get sent one. ONE!!

Who do I need to complain to?!?!

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By *adyJayne OP Woman
over a year ago

Burnleyish (She/They)

"Totally agree. If it’s a forum discussion any reply should be in the forum. I don’t know why people feel the need to send a private message. I put up one comment for discussion a few weeks ago and had so many PM responses I haven’t bothered to do another. "

I post a lot around BDSM and poly.

I completely understand if someone has a question or wants advice and they are too shy to post on the forum or feel it's to personal.

But mostly, I post because I want open discussion, it can lead to some really great conversations which can lead to growth. I like growing as a person!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I get it, uninvited people doing it is a pain but I just ignore them.

I love the feature though, some things I can't say publicly

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By *odgerMooreMan
over a year ago

Up Your Frock!

"I very rarely get messages from forum posts. What am I doing wrong?!

Tell a lie, if I mention in the forum I like cock pics, I usually get sent one. ONE!!

Who do I need to complain to?!?!

Sent you 10 cock pics… apologies for the previous oversight!!

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By *rder66Man
over a year ago

Tatooine

I'm happy to get any message.

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By *ornycougaWoman
over a year ago

MADERIA Wherever I lay my hat

"I'm happy to get any message."

I'll give you one

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By *issEmmWoman
over a year ago

Bournemouth

I completely agree with you, however it’s just as easy to click on a profile and message that way. Obviously unless you have them blocked

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's irritating that people just see an opportunity to jump on, but the feature itself is useful. I do get the pervy messages off threads, but also messages from friends and people I like to talk to.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

When my filters let people do this, I just blocked creepy messages that came from the reply privately button.

I used to delete, but that resulted in abuse via the button.

(Totally happy to have regular conversations)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is the main reason I don't comment on some threads on the forum , guarantee to get a private message.

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

"It's irritating that people just see an opportunity to jump on, but the feature itself is useful. I do get the pervy messages off threads, but also messages from friends and people I like to talk to. "

I used to hate it massively on the basis that if someone wants to pass comment or share an opinion on something written in a forum post that it should, in all fairness, be said openly.

But then as many will know sometimes that's impossible given the nature of some posts and the high risk of a spell on the step. So when it's a private comment between regular contacts then that's fine.

It's when people use it as an opening line to attempt to start a conversation initially centred on the forums post and then immediately proceed with the 'nice tits by the way' or 'fancy meeting sometime' lines, that it grinds my gears.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I used to hate it massively on the basis that if someone wants to pass comment or share an opinion on something written in a forum post that it should, in all fairness, be said openly.

Sometimes even without the step, there are reasons you want to say something to someone privately. Something might arise from it, it might not, but sometimes there are private offshoots of the conversation.

Stuff evolving is very different to "you like X? I like X, let's fuck" etc. (Yes, it's the primary point of Fab, but on the forum I'm never saying "I'm looking for X" - and if I did, I'd do it in the meet request or similar section)

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By *oiluvfunMan
over a year ago

Penrith

"Just my option but I really really wish it didn't exist.

I've had to start adding onto forum posts to not message me privately, and I've seen other women start to do it.

Don't get me wrong I love the forums, but I post here because I like open discussion with multiple inputs...

It's not that hard to go to someone's profile of you want to message them right?

I keep my messages unfiltered for a reason, occasionally I'll get a message from someone asking advice or just starting a really great conversation.

But mostly that button seems to be used (in my case) by men that want to share often quite explicit stories... There is no conversation, just a splurge of badly written, wank fodderesque words.

Yeah turns out this is mostly a rant and me screaming into the void but it's one I needed today

#sorrynotsorry"

Blimey! I struggle to even get a ‘Reply privately’ response from Face Pic Friday

The difference between male and female profiles in Fab eh?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So I will admit to using the reply private function occasionally but not in an offensive or opportunistic way. It has helped me to make a few lovely connections. But yes I absolutely get it that it can be abused.

There are also a few regular threads that wouldn't work without the function.

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

I quite like the feature. It would be good if you could opt out of it - sometimes I don't have that headspace or energy to one on one converse but I want to use the forum.

Most of the time I quite like those interactions that stem from a forum post. Not when it's "oh you've never experienced that? Let me show you it" sort of message, more when there's a natural curiosity or conversation that stems from it. I use it. Not to horndog but to talk more freely.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’ve noticed the “reply privately” messages always tend to be a bit creepy too.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"So I will admit to using the reply private function occasionally but not in an offensive or opportunistic way. It has helped me to make a few lovely connections. But yes I absolutely get it that it can be abused.

There are also a few regular threads that wouldn't work without the function."

In some ways it's a good thing.

Creepy messages off the feature helps me filter out people whose idea of boundaries is different to mine.

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By *aekaeWoman
over a year ago

Between a cock and a soft place

I've had great conversations from it, thankfully nothing unwanted or unpleasant.

I think an "opt out" option would be useful though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's a tool. I didn't realise that if u click on a blocked profile it tells u the options of blocking

But if u reply privately it tells u if they've blocked u or you've blocked them so I see it as a tool

I can delete happily as I would prefer to keep it in the thread

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