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Chronic pain

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By *ourisfun OP   Couple
over a year ago

Central

For those suffering with chronic pain/illness, how do you find it affects you on here, with meets etc?

I'm having a really bad flare up today, and it's made me wonder what I would do if it happened on a day we had a meet arranged...

Is it best to tell prospective meets beforehand, or does that put people off?! If you don't disclose and end up having to cancel due to a flare up, will you just be seen as a time waster?!

If anyone has any advice, or tips, on swinging with chronic pain, it would be much appreciated!

Em

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

I'd let the person know beforehand, and make sure they completely get that it wouldn't be my choice to postpone seeing them.

But there are some people who will think you're not being truthful, unfortunately.

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By *ilsaGeorgeCouple
over a year ago

kent

A few years ago I was honest about some mental health issues with somebody I met on here, and as far as I know it was used to ridicule me behind my back. Some people can be nasty, but I would still say honesty is the best policy. At least then you can hold your head up. If it comes back to bite you, it will say more about the other person than about you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My past meets have known my condition from the get go, they've asked questions instead of disappearing, blocking or getting nasty. That's led me to meet them. I think if a person feels there's something there then be up front but not give every specific detail x

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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago

Calderdale innit

My other half has chronic back pain. (Last 3 years)plus m.s.We haven't really met or done much on the scene as a couple due to it for a while.

We wouldn't want to make plans then let anyone down if he didn't feel up to it & it does get him down .

Some days are better than others.sending love to all who need it on this thread.Sty strong and positive ,one day at a time.x

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By *ourisfun OP   Couple
over a year ago

Central


"I'd let the person know beforehand, and make sure they completely get that it wouldn't be my choice to postpone seeing them.

But there are some people who will think you're not being truthful, unfortunately. "

That's kind what we thought too, I suppose you've just got to hope they understand.

It's the first really debilitating flare up I've had since we joined, and it's thrown my brain into overdrive with "what ifs"...

Thanks for your response x

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By *hellebelleWoman
over a year ago

ashford

I suffer from rheumatoid and osteo arthritis and have for years… so I’m kinda used to the pain… but admit that once or twice it’s been an issue… I can’t cope with being on my knees and one guy just didn’t get it and tried telling me it was ok…. When it very clearly wasn’t.

Another time one guy on a Social meet took my having to take my prescribed meds (which I thought I managed to hide quite well and not making a big scene about it) as the all ok to say “result, lets get out of here and go on a sesh with my pills and his ‘packet’ of snow”!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Having various issues am aware that sometimes you just can't do things or one day the pain just means you need to pass on a meet, people just need to accept that life is a bitch at times and deal with it

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By *ourisfun OP   Couple
over a year ago

Central


"A few years ago I was honest about some mental health issues with somebody I met on here, and as far as I know it was used to ridicule me behind my back. Some people can be nasty, but I would still say honesty is the best policy. At least then you can hold your head up. If it comes back to bite you, it will say more about the other person than about you. "

That's awful, I'm sorry that happened to you. It's sad that people can be so cruel to one another.

Thank you, I think that's what we'll keep doing, and the right meets will happen when they're meant to!

Thanks for your response x

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By *ourisfun OP   Couple
over a year ago

Central


"My past meets have known my condition from the get go, they've asked questions instead of disappearing, blocking or getting nasty. That's led me to meet them. I think if a person feels there's something there then be up front but not give every specific detail x"

Yeah, I suppose it's an extra way of vetting people isn't it!?

Thanks for your response x

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By *ove2pleaseseukMan
over a year ago

Hastings


"I'd let the person know beforehand, and make sure they completely get that it wouldn't be my choice to postpone seeing them.

But there are some people who will think you're not being truthful, unfortunately.

That's kind what we thought too, I suppose you've just got to hope they understand.

It's the first really debilitating flare up I've had since we joined, and it's thrown my brain into overdrive with "what ifs"...

Thanks for your response x"

To be fair if there not understanding after chating with them do you realy want to get involved.

I also suffer time to time with pain. It's always there but if I do to much it medication and bed..

So love and hugs to you both x x .

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By *onguesandpunsMan
over a year ago

East Midlands

I wholeheartedly agree that it's always best to be honest about chronic pain in advance of a meet and would say that any potential play partner who reacts negatively to being told this isn't worth meeting anyway. A friend of mine has a chronic condition and they have been meeting people on the 'Pure' app for sex and they've been very honest from the get go.

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By *ourisfun OP   Couple
over a year ago

Central


"My other half has chronic back pain. (Last 3 years)plus m.s.We haven't really met or done much on the scene as a couple due to it for a while.

We wouldn't want to make plans then let anyone down if he didn't feel up to it & it does get him down .

Some days are better than others.sending love to all who need it on this thread.Sty strong and positive ,one day at a time.x "

Sorry to hear about your husband's pain. I hope he is having one of the better days today.

And also, thank you, think I needed that today x

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

[Removed by poster at 01/05/23 14:52:18]

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon


"I'd let the person know beforehand, and make sure they completely get that it wouldn't be my choice to postpone seeing them.

But there are some people who will think you're not being truthful, unfortunately.

That's kind what we thought too, I suppose you've just got to hope they understand.

It's the first really debilitating flare up I've had since we joined, and it's thrown my brain into overdrive with "what ifs"...

Thanks for your response x"

I can completely sympathise. After a busy weekend I'm now on my back on the floor with my legs up, trying to cope with my pain. If I'd planned to meet anyone at any time before next weekend I'd have had to cancel.

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By *eardedman7Man
over a year ago

Berkshire


"For those suffering with chronic pain/illness, how do you find it affects you on here, with meets etc?

I'm having a really bad flare up today, and it's made me wonder what I would do if it happened on a day we had a meet arranged...

Is it best to tell prospective meets beforehand, or does that put people off?! If you don't disclose and end up having to cancel due to a flare up, will you just be seen as a time waster?!

If anyone has any advice, or tips, on swinging with chronic pain, it would be much appreciated!

Em "

It effected me quite a lot if I’m honest to the point I never met anyone until it cleared up. If I do have a flare up I always explain the reasoning if I were to cancel or if on a brave day would explain before I met up x

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By *ourisfun OP   Couple
over a year ago

Central


"I suffer from rheumatoid and osteo arthritis and have for years… so I’m kinda used to the pain… but admit that once or twice it’s been an issue… I can’t cope with being on my knees and one guy just didn’t get it and tried telling me it was ok…. When it very clearly wasn’t.

Another time one guy on a Social meet took my having to take my prescribed meds (which I thought I managed to hide quite well and not making a big scene about it) as the all ok to say “result, lets get out of here and go on a sesh with my pills and his ‘packet’ of snow”!

"

Sorry to hear that, its horrible that you have to just be used to being in pain. I hope you swiftly put an end to that meet! X

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By *ourisfun OP   Couple
over a year ago

Central


"Having various issues am aware that sometimes you just can't do things or one day the pain just means you need to pass on a meet, people just need to accept that life is a bitch at times and deal with it"

Yeah, and what's for you, won't go by you, I suppose! X

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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago

yumsville

It's definitely affected my meets (and life in general), to the extent that I now don't. I used to be pretty active either with buddies, looking for or messaging, now even replying to threads is a chore. It is odd as sex does help with endorphins though on the flip side my stamina is through the floor. I know what I was able to do and what I can do now and it nags on me tbh, at the mo, I use the forums and that's about it.

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

I'm a wheelchair user with chronic pain issues. We've not had much Fab activity in recent months/past year, partly due to my physical situation and partly due to lack of childcare/no privacy at home/moving house.

We always have to disclose my issues because it's bloody obvious when I rock up in a wheelchair and we need to know about access issues etc.

Lots of people are put off by it and stop messaging as soon as they realise I use a wheelchair, without any discussion of practicalities. Obviously that's both annoying but also better to wëed out those people early on.

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By *ourisfun OP   Couple
over a year ago

Central


" It effected me quite a lot if I’m honest to the point I never met anyone until it cleared up. If I do have a flare up I always explain the reasoning if I were to cancel or if on a brave day would explain before I met up x"

I'm sorry to hear that it affects you quite a lot. Do you find people are generally OK if you do have to cancel or change things slightly? X

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By *ourisfun OP   Couple
over a year ago

Central


"I can completely sympathise. After a busy weekend I'm now on my back on the floor with my legs up, trying to cope with my pain. If I'd planned to meet anyone at any time before next weekend I'd have had to cancel. "

Oh no, I hope your pain is a lot better today! I spent so much time in the bath yesterday, I'm surprised I didn't grow gills!

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By *ourisfun OP   Couple
over a year ago

Central


"It's definitely affected my meets (and life in general), to the extent that I now don't. I used to be pretty active either with buddies, looking for or messaging, now even replying to threads is a chore. It is odd as sex does help with endorphins though on the flip side my stamina is through the floor. I know what I was able to do and what I can do now and it nags on me tbh, at the mo, I use the forums and that's about it."

I'm sorry to hear that. It's really difficult when you're having a bad time not to think about what you used to manage to do. How long have you been struggling with pain for? I completely get what you mean about finding it a chore sometimes. Messaging and replying isn't always the easiest when you're struggling. I hope today is a good day for you x

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By *ourisfun OP   Couple
over a year ago

Central


"I'm a wheelchair user with chronic pain issues. We've not had much Fab activity in recent months/past year, partly due to my physical situation and partly due to lack of childcare/no privacy at home/moving house.

We always have to disclose my issues because it's bloody obvious when I rock up in a wheelchair and we need to know about access issues etc.

Lots of people are put off by it and stop messaging as soon as they realise I use a wheelchair, without any discussion of practicalities. Obviously that's both annoying but also better to wëed out those people early on."

Sorry that happens to you, I find it strange that people can just dismiss someone so quickly, for something that doesn't really affect them. but as you say it helps them out so you're not wasting your time to then find out they are an asshole later on!

Hope you find lots more lovely people on here xx

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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago

yumsville


"It's definitely affected my meets (and life in general), to the extent that I now don't. I used to be pretty active either with buddies, looking for or messaging, now even replying to threads is a chore. It is odd as sex does help with endorphins though on the flip side my stamina is through the floor. I know what I was able to do and what I can do now and it nags on me tbh, at the mo, I use the forums and that's about it.

I'm sorry to hear that. It's really difficult when you're having a bad time not to think about what you used to manage to do. How long have you been struggling with pain for? I completely get what you mean about finding it a chore sometimes. Messaging and replying isn't always the easiest when you're struggling. I hope today is a good day for you x"

Over 10 yrs now with increasing difficulty. If you have chronic pain I'd suggest keeping in touch with close friends - if you are fit at any time, reach out, even if it's once every 6 months, as I didn't.

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By *imply DeeWoman
over a year ago

Wherever

Dear Em, firstly I’m so sorry you suffer badly from this right now. I hope you’ll get some relief soon.

I have endometriosis which is unbearable painful at times.

Because I am very straightforward person, I tell all of my potential meets how this affects me because I think I owe them an opportunity to make an informed choice if they want to interact with me. Some don’t find it an issue and adapt, which I’m very thankful for, some flake out which it totally fair.

At the end of the day it’s for you to feel comfortable and safe.

All the best x

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