FabSwingers.com forum: Emotional Protection

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

There are quite a lot of very deep posts today. I've read so many beautiful thoughts and responses. Some have made me smile and some have made me think

In this world of fleeting or moments, for however long they last, if you do get giddy with excitement and allow yourself to feel the gorgeous butterflies etc. How do you protect yourself from getting hurt?

Virginia Johnson said "Sex: enjoy it when you can but keep your heart out."

So how do you do that? Can you do that?

Do you have a particular ritual to do that?

Do you need a condom for your heart? Or your over thinking brain?

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

I definitely need a condom for my overthinking brain.

I do let myself get excited but rarely, I try not too that way there's less disappointment but there's some things you just can't not, our wedding for example I'm very excited it's just us two and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Then the little things that just make life nice, random smiles from strangers on a bad day, kitchen dancing with the Mr, the kids cuddling up, the Mr being a prick just to make me laugh, just those little things give me a glow and make the days good.

Mrs

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

"There are quite a lot of very deep posts today. I've read so many beautiful thoughts and responses. Some have made me smile and some have made me think

Virginia Johnson said "Sex: enjoy it when you can but keep your heart out."

So how do you do that? Can you do that?

Do you have a particular ritual to do that?

Do you need a condom for your heart? Or your over thinking brain?

I don’t think I can keep my heart totally out to be honest. I always get some kind of feelings for those I meet. I don’t think I could carry on meeting them otherwise. It’s just the way I’m made I think. I dont really protect myself, I’ve probably got a few more barriers then I did though. I seem to be able to get over it though and walk away easily if it’s not working. Maybe it’s because I’ve never really had my heart broken badly. I don’t know. But then again I know what I want and I know it’s not a proper relationship and never will be so maybe that helps. Who knows!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A bit of a dichotomy. I get attached. I like seeing the same person. Yet I am told I have the emotional complexity of an amoeba, and I am well aware that I can hurt those who I profess to love. So maybe multiple condoms are needed.

Then again, I prefer not to think too deeply, so maybe I just need the senses cauterising (or has that happened already).

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"There are quite a lot of very deep posts today. I've read so many beautiful thoughts and responses. Some have made me smile and some have made me think

Virginia Johnson said "Sex: enjoy it when you can but keep your heart out."

So how do you do that? Can you do that?

Do you have a particular ritual to do that?

Do you need a condom for your heart? Or your over thinking brain?

I think in the past I've been careless with my emotions, got carried away.

These days I'm lot more guarded. There have been a few guys I've thought to myself that I could really like, so I deliberately distance myself from them. I'll still talk to them and stuff but I'll make an extra effort to talk to others aswell..I won't message them as much, I don't let on how I feel..

Some may say I'm missimg out on something, I don't see it that way. Things always end, this way when they do it doesn't hurt as much.

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

A condom for your heart! Ha perfect. I actually suggested a friend includes this last night as a line in something he's doing.

I can't have sex without developing some sort of feelings. They're not always romantic, sometimes they're just a good friend I'm fond of and the sex is great.

I think I can get hurt quite easily sometimes. I find that certain sexual experiences, moments, whatever can leave me feeling vulnerable and that's when there's more capacity to be hurt.

I experienced it a few months ago - really great sex after plans were rearranged to spare a person's feelings. They proceeded to have sex with that person a day later, ignoring mine and after saying they wouldn't, it wasn't like that etc.

I can't really harden my heart once my walls are down, as much as I'd like to sometimes. I like having feelings, I like the rush too much.

I don't really try and put too many barriers up, things happen and I don't want to allow previous experiences the chance to jade my interactions with experiences yet to come. I think because I'm quite passionate person, I've learned to accept that.

I think I'll always have that capacity to be hurt but I have a greater capacity for resilience and the joy in those butterflies. So I'll keep experiencing them and learning.

Oh wait. As I've been typing this I've realised why I said the condom for a heart. I'm not the genius I thought.

https://youtu.be/V4reunpbJco

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By *ulieAndBeefCouple
over a year ago

Manchester-ish

I can't. I might pretend my heart and feelings aren't involved in friendships, relationships, pretty much anything...but they always are. I don't think I'd change that though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some may say I'm missimg out on something, I don't see it that way. Things always end, this way when they do it doesn't hurt as much.

Guarded. Self-preservation. Look after yourself (cos you're alright in my book and I like seeing your comments on here).

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By *estarossa.Woman
over a year ago

Flagrante

I cant do the jiggy without some form of it, it becomes souless for me.

And it does mean I get hurt sometimes, so I have become more guarded, but still not guarded enough.

Being vulnerable isn't always a bad thing, but I have finally taken my heart off my sleeve, because when someone brushes past it hurts so.

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By *inchyorksMan
over a year ago

huddersfield

My last relationship has left me with very high barriers, I am able to make and maintain friend and fwb, but I can control the urges to fall for someone, unless that is I haven't met the right one!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I certainly have to have an emotional involvement otherwise its nothing, sex/relationships etc without emotion isn't a thing for me - sometimes I'm not sure if it's a good or bad thing in all honesty

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually

Hmm.

Honestly, I am utterly scattered on this topic.

I always have my walls up until I'm sure of someone and their intentions. I'm always overthinking and overanalysing every tiny thing however absolutely inconsequential or irrelevant it is. I'm always aware of the fact that my perceptions and understandings can be wrong, and that everything can come crashing down at any point.

But when I get those excited butterflies. When I feel those words I won't say because of everything they're tied to and the expectations they bring. When someone is everything in that moment. I can embrace it. I can enjoy it. I can let those emotions and sensations overwhelm the overthinking for as long as that lasts. And it's beautiful.

I can accept that joy and that experience without any expectation of it being more than that single moment.

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By *ansoffateMan
over a year ago

Sagittarius A

There are tiers to me - I am really complicated and very simple lol. When you get me it's like shelling peas. If you overthink with me you may go crazy though. Learn experientially don't try to work me out. Lol

Keep the heart out. Baseline is FWB that will tend to either be kink. Or a partner who is very sensual and can manage their emotions. Bit like boots on the pavement heels in the bedroom. But deep in the bedroom - mates on the pavement.

Condom for the heart sounds painful lol. Not into that kind of pain - everyone has their limits.

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

When I feel those words I won't say because of everything they're tied to and the expectations they bring. When someone is everything in that moment. I can embrace it. I can enjoy it. I can let those emotions and sensations overwhelm the overthinking for as long as that lasts. And it's beautiful.

I can accept that joy and that experience without any expectation of it being more than that single moment."

Oh Prey. There *is* something to be said for living in the moment and embracing it for what it is isn't there?

In the moment I'm quite good. It's after when the doubts can creep in. I hope I'm able to be more like you, in regards to this, more often. It's a lovely simple way of enjoying things. Uncomplicated and natural.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m

Pretty resilient but I do love a connection…. Sometimes I really fancy a girl on here and it’s not really reciprocated. And it makes me doubt myself. But I also know if we all liked the same things, people and choices life would be very boring.

But it still doesn’t stop me wearing my heart on my sleeve and wanting to connect

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually

"Oh Prey. There *is* something to be said for living in the moment and embracing it for what it is isn't there?

Processing the after can be complicated. I'm usually very solid on where I believe I stand. If someone is just sex and fun that's fine. But when it's the people that mean something more to me I can stumble. I keep that front up almost always, but sometimes it doesn't matter how much I absolutely know that I mean to that person as much as they mean to me, sometimes all those old feelings of inadequacy and what if I'm being lied to creep in. After a lot of work I can rationalise away those stupid doubts pretty quickly. But they hit fucking hard for the moment they peek through.

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By *edstockings2Couple
over a year ago

Ilfracombe

It's just sex a very enjoyable activity, nothing more.

If you heart is getting in involved then your on the wrong site.

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

"It's just sex a very enjoyable activity, nothing more.

If you heart is getting in involved then your on the wrong site. "

That’s not true. I know lots of couples who have met on here and some have got married. That may be your view but it’s not everyone’s. They’re not on the wrong site at all.

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By *rder66Man
over a year ago

Tatooine

My emotions are too guarded for this and I can seperate sex and emotion very easily.

I simply wouldn't alow someone to get too close to me emotionaly as I have been too damaged from my past.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I love being in the moment I let myself experience everything at the time. I love the getting ready, the excitement of a meet the waiting with baited breath of what might happen

Having said that I don't get emotionally involved, sex and genuine feeling are not mutually exclusive and I'm very good at keeping those things seperate. I am also really not looking for anything more so I just don't even go there in my head.

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By *ellinever70Woman
over a year ago

Ayrshire

"My emotions are too guarded for this and I can seperate sex and emotion very easily.

I simply wouldn't alow someone to get too close to me emotionaly as I have been too damaged from my past."

How someone else feels about you isn't within your control

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I paint myself with hammerite before each meet.

Protects me fine

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By *ose-tinted GlassesMan
over a year ago

Glasgow

If I like someone, I like them. I think I’m pretty heart-on-sleeve about it. I don’t tend to hold back.

It’s not that I’m careless with my heart. It’s more that for me the risk is worth the reward.

I’m not saying that I fall in love with every person I fuck. Far from it. That would be crazy behaviour. But when the stars align, when it’s damn near *perfect* … I’m going to lean into that, not back away.

And I’m beyond lucky to be feeling that right now. Which makes threads like this so easy and yet also so hard to reply to. Because sometimes those deeply felt connections can be fragile, especially in the early stages. But like I said already - for me the risk is worth the reward. I’ll jump right in. Head first.

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By *rder66Man
over a year ago

Tatooine

"My emotions are too guarded for this and I can seperate sex and emotion very easily.

I simply wouldn't alow someone to get too close to me emotionaly as I have been too damaged from my past.

How someone else feels about you isn't within your control "
I wouldn't let them get close enough and the smallest hint they were getting any emotional attatchment to me I would walk away and as shitty as that sounds, I state this from the begining. I would never leave myself open to someone romatically again.

Believe it or not, I was once very romatic and wore my heart on my sleeve, the only person who has my heart is my child.

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By *ulieAndBeefCouple
over a year ago

Manchester-ish

"It's just sex a very enjoyable activity, nothing more.

If you heart is getting in involved then your on the wrong site. "

I didn't think the post was just talking about Fab. Even so I'm not doing the do with someone I don't like which means for me emotions are already involved at least a little.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am highly self disciplined and can walk away from almost anything. It will probably kill me in the end.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I definitely need a condom for my overthinking brain.

Mrs "

Your wedding sounds lovely, no wonder you're excited.

I think that disappointment feeling is often inevitable but maybe it gets easier to deal with every time you experience it? Like you I used to sometimes feel that if I curb my enthusiasm about somethings I'll feel less sad if they don't go to plan but it rarely worked out that way!

And yay for kitchen dancing.. That's couple goals right there!

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By *wist my nipplesCouple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly

Hmm, I have been musing away here, OP!

I think the fact that I'm very secure in my marriage allows me to let those emotions play out a little in a safe environment, if that makes sense? Cos anyone I'm chatting with knows this isn't going anywhere apart from potential sex and friendship. I've come to realise one on one sex without a connection is pointless to me, and I do wear my heart onmy sleeve in that sense.

I know, some people come on fab and leave their partners etc etc, but that's not something I'm here for.

Mrs TMN x

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By *rofessor ElementalMan
over a year ago

Durham

Found myself getting into Tantric love which is about intimacy, mindfulness, and a celebration of the sensuality of the human body. When sexual acts are involved, they're used as a medium rather than an end goal. It’s all about being able to let go even when you don’t want to.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"There are quite a lot of very deep posts today. I've read so many beautiful thoughts and responses. Some have made me smile and some have made me think

Virginia Johnson said "Sex: enjoy it when you can but keep your heart out."

So how do you do that? Can you do that?

Do you have a particular ritual to do that?

Do you need a condom for your heart? Or your over thinking brain?

I think knowing what you want or don't want certainly helps. In the last year I've completely changed what I want and I don't think anyone was more surprised than me!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"There are quite a lot of very deep posts today. I've read so many beautiful thoughts and responses. Some have made me smile and some have made me think

Virginia Johnson said "Sex: enjoy it when you can but keep your heart out."

So how do you do that? Can you do that?

Do you have a particular ritual to do that?

Do you need a condom for your heart? Or your over thinking brain?

I think in the past I've been careless with my emotions, got carried away.

Some may say I'm missimg out on something, I don't see it that way. Things always end, this way when they do it doesn't hurt as much.

I think being careless with emotions is probably something you can't really control. Our emotions and feelings are responses, while we can control who we share those with I'm not sure you can ever really control how you actually feel. I do get it though and I see a lot of my own strategies in what you say.

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By *orbidden eastMan
over a year ago

london dodging electric scooters

I think as long as you know and have a understanding from the get go, everything should be okay, but then our minds are strange. What can you do we are human

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I can't. I might pretend my heart and feelings aren't involved in friendships, relationships, pretty much anything...but they always are. I don't think I'd change that though.

Me too! It is just who I am regardless of the situation, even at work, I make decisions with my heart

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

I've always been able to separate sex from emotions. I don't think I could of been a swinger if I hadn't. I like people but don't wear my heart on my sleeve. When I had my long term gentleman friends I cared about them alot but in a friendship way not a romantic way. I didn't do it to protect my emotions it's just the way I'm.made

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By *rder66Man
over a year ago

Tatooine

"Found myself getting into Tantric love which is about intimacy, mindfulness, and a celebration of the sensuality of the human body. When sexual acts are involved, they're used as a medium rather than an end goal. It’s all about being able to let go even when you don’t want to. "
Tantra is the relasionship with yourseld and the source, a path to kundalini. It actualy has nothing to do with sex and the sex part is using the sacral chakra to develop the kundalini energy. Its not about letting go and more about becoming one.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I recently met someone that gave me butterflies. He said all the right things, he knew exactly what to say. I let my guard down. We had amazing mind blowing sex.

The next day all the right words again. Then poof, tumbles, gone.

2 weeks later I get the standard How you doing message.

I’ve definitely got my walls back up. I tripped up with him, I won’t do it again.

I like the condom for the heart, it’s better than the dungeon I’m currently sealing it into.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Oh Prey. There *is* something to be said for living in the moment and embracing it for what it is isn't there?

I could have probably written some of this. The self doubt is hard, especially somewhere like this where you know you are never the only person, even when they aren't either and when you can perfectly rationalise and be in the moment, there's always those times when you compare or your brain over thinks. It definitely takes work and practice to get past those thoughts.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"It's just sex a very enjoyable activity, nothing more.

If you heart is getting in involved then your on the wrong site. "

I disagree with this in part. Yes, sex can be enjoyable on its own in isolation. Sex purely to just cum is fine. And as exciting as the whole random hot encounter can be, it's a bit empty after a while for me. However, it can be bloody epic if you allow yourself to get lost in the moment and feel.

That doesn't mean you're about to get your heart broken or you're falling in love with the person.

It means that you give yourself the permission to go all in if it feels right. It's part of the thrill.

I'm well aware of the nature of the site and I can manage my expectations accordingly which means I can be realistic enough to know when I'm getting too carried away.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thank you all for sharing your thoughts. So many different viewpoints.

The way we think and feel and navigate things is so unique to each of us and I'm always blown away and humbled by how open people are in these types of threads.

It definitely wasn't fab specific. Life in general really. Full of highs and sometimes lows too.

I often wish I could put my heart in a box for safe keeping at times but equally there are other times I wouldn't ever be without its intensity.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"If I like someone, I like them. I think I’m pretty heart-on-sleeve about it. I don’t tend to hold back.

It’s not that I’m careless with my heart. It’s more that for me the risk is worth the reward.

Risk and reward.. Yes that's it in a nutshell.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I recently met someone that gave me butterflies. He said all the right things, he knew exactly what to say. I let my guard down. We had amazing mind blowing sex.

The next day all the right words again. Then poof, tumbles, gone.

2 weeks later I get the standard How you doing message.

I’ve definitely got my walls back up. I tripped up with him, I won’t do it again.

I like the condom for the heart, it’s better than the dungeon I’m currently sealing it into. "

I can understand that, the hurt is real and it can leave us feeling really wounded.

Did you trip up though or did you just go with what felt right at the time?

If I manage to create one I'll let you know

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I'm now wondering if this is closely linked to the whole "sub drop" phenomenon. The great low that follows a high?

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By *eroLondonMan
over a year ago

Mayfair

Unfortunately I don't protect myself at all and I don't think I'll ever change. In fact I've accepted the proverbial drúg that represents the excitement, euphoria, attachment and the emotions. It's a hard habit to break.

So, like a sacrificial lamb to the altar of emotional attachment, I submit. It's not about romance or a relationship; it's about 'feelings' with substance, something meaningful with synergy.

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By *ose-tinted GlassesMan
over a year ago

Glasgow

Beautifully put, Nero. I’ll drink to that.

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By *edeWoman
over a year ago

the abyss

Genuinely I just don't really believe that people will want to meet me or get to know the 'real me' so I suppose that is my protective factor. I just assume that most people are talking to me out of boredom etc and will soon tire and inevitably move on.

Sheesh this is deep for a Sunday evening

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By *ansoffateMan
over a year ago

Sagittarius A

"Unfortunately I don't protect myself at all and I don't think I'll ever change. In fact I've accepted the proverbial drúg that represents the excitement, euphoria, attachment and the emotions. It's a hard habit to break.

So, like a sacrificial lamb to the altar of emotional attachment, I submit. It's not about romance or a relationship; it's about 'feelings' with substance, something meaningful with synergy."

Synergy. Yeah that is worth the risk. Sometimes the risk is necessary.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

So, like a sacrificial lamb to the altar of emotional attachment, I submit. It's not about romance or a relationship; it's about 'feelings' with substance, something meaningful with synergy."

All of this

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By *iasubTV/TS
over a year ago

Ilkeston

"There are quite a lot of very deep posts today. I've read so many beautiful thoughts and responses. Some have made me smile and some have made me think

Virginia Johnson said "Sex: enjoy it when you can but keep your heart out."

So how do you do that? Can you do that?

Do you have a particular ritual to do that?

Do you need a condom for your heart? Or your over thinking brain?

For me i find it can be difficult as i do develop some sort of connection with the person rather than just sex. It can be difficult.

For me it why I prefer a regular meet with people than a ONS.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Genuinely I just don't really believe that people will want to meet me or get to know the 'real me' so I suppose that is my protective factor. I just assume that most people are talking to me out of boredom etc and will soon tire and inevitably move on.

Sheesh this is deep for a Sunday evening

This makes me so sad

You're not only beautiful but clearly also intelligent, fun and interesting. Why wouldn't they want to?

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

I just want to say with all the guys I've met I've made them feel really special. But once they leave my house that's it until the next time. We both go about our lives

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Do condominiums come in brain size? If so I'll take a life time supply please

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I just want to say with all the guys I've met I've made them feel really special. But once they leave my house that's it until the next time. We both go about our lives"

I get this, I possibly try too hard not to infringe on their lives sometimes.

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By *eroLondonMan
over a year ago

Mayfair

"Beautifully put, Nero. I’ll drink to that."

•

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By *ixed MisterMan
over a year ago

London

"Beautifully put, Nero. I’ll drink to that.

•

Can I join the drink to Nerö huddle?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I get attached to people I meet, and I’ve had my heart battered so many times. I can’t seem to change that though, and I’m not sure I want to.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

"I just want to say with all the guys I've met I've made them feel really special. But once they leave my house that's it until the next time. We both go about our lives

I get this, I possibly try too hard not to infringe on their lives sometimes. "
we would chat between meets and where quite close in a way. I'm not cold hearted as I sometimes come across but we always knew a boundary. Most times it wasn't spoke about we just knew

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By *edeWoman
over a year ago

the abyss

Sheesh this is deep for a Sunday evening

This makes me so sad

You're not only beautiful but clearly also intelligent, fun and interesting. Why wouldn't they want to?

Don't be sad - it'll make me sad!! You are such a lovely human

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I get attached to people I meet, and I’ve had my heart battered so many times. I can’t seem to change that though, and I’m not sure I want to. "

I can understand that. Sometimes the heart battering is worth it.

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan
over a year ago

Den of Iniquity

I don't say it but I'm genuinely astonished if anyone has any interest in me

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By *eroLondonMan
over a year ago

Mayfair

"I don't say it but I'm genuinely astonished if anyone has any interest in me

•

You're an all-round good citizen and good egg!

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By *ellhungvweMan
over a year ago

Cheltenham

For me sex is enjoying someone else’s body and hoping they are getting pleasure from yours.

It is more fun with with friends or people you know but enjoying someone’s body doesn’t mean I have to fall in love with them - it just means that I have to like them.

I don’t fall in love with everyone I like and that is all the emotional protection I need.

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By *erence IIMan
over a year ago

Irrelevant

I think it's different in a swinging relationship than possibly as a single, or more correctly a single who actually wants a relationship even if they're not looking for it on Fab.

If you're in a relationship and swinging, your emotional needs are most likely being met by your partner, the sex with others is just that even if for many there needs to be a level of friendship for that person. Likewise if you're happily single and actively want to stay that way then you're unlikely to get the feels - maybe not wanting a relationship is wearing a condom for the heart whether consciously or not. If you're single, actually want a relationship but are having sex on Fab to fill the gap I imagine it's pretty hard to stop the feels without some form of condom.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"There are quite a lot of very deep posts today. I've read so many beautiful thoughts and responses. Some have made me smile and some have made me think

Virginia Johnson said "Sex: enjoy it when you can but keep your heart out."

So how do you do that? Can you do that?

Do you have a particular ritual to do that?

Do you need a condom for your heart? Or your over thinking brain?

I think she missed spelled “ heart “ instead of hard

She ment keep your Hard out . As hint for men “ please don’t stop .

Joking : that’s what I call “ cold sex “ done it , boring . Masturbate the penis in the vagina doesn’t do much to me .

My biggest turn on is sweetness ,

So I need connection Chemistry

So yes , a NSA is treated with love and respect as would a FWB or a girlfriend .

I give more love n more respect to a stranger then many men give to their own wife .

Leave your heart out - 100% disagree

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I don't know how I've detached, but I have. I hope to find friends, and sometimes that process has been painful (but that's very different). On here, I share pleasure with people I like, ideally with friends. Better with friends.

I'm whole hearted in my friendships, but that's not love. I don't know what I'd do if it became that, because that's not something I'm interested in. Probably cut ties and lick my wounds.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think there’s a all lot of different loves .

There’s a book u love , a car u love , a friend u love , a football team u love …

U love your kids , family , pets , all sorts of loves

Then yeah you have the romantic love .

Don’t need to fall in love or be dead in love to love someone or share some love being caring , kind , sweet , supportive , etc

Doesn’t need to be the big love of your life ,

Can love a little ^^. Me personally I love it

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By *elaninMaverickWoman
over a year ago

near Putney Heath

"There are quite a lot of very deep posts today. I've read so many beautiful thoughts and responses. Some have made me smile and some have made me think

Virginia Johnson said "Sex: enjoy it when you can but keep your heart out."

So how do you do that? Can you do that?

Do you have a particular ritual to do that?

Do you need a condom for your heart? Or your over thinking brain?

I don't attach to people very easily...that's the autistic traits/sensory disorder traits side of me. I've got a disorganized insecure attachment style.

When I do attach, it's very very intense. Sometimes too much for me and sometimes too much for the other person.

If someone hurts, neglects or abandons me, the pain is so crushing that I shut down to protect myself. Shutdown, isolated, go no contact. Delete block. hide. See my hidden profile.

For now, I'm a very tough nut to crack but I've been through too much to really let anyone play with my feelings anymore. I'm hypervigilant and may appear aloof in person. I also wear the autistic mask alot.

One practical way is that I know that the love hormones activate the more time you spend with someone so I don't spend a lot of time with just one person. My last regular lover I saw once a week or so for 5 years and we still did not bond emotionally. Eventually, the pandemic and some other stresses put an end to that interaction.

Most people want the intimacy in the form of sexual interaction but they don't want the companionship and they don't want the commitment and responsibility.

I define my interactions with people and strictly stick to those boundaries unless there is a need to re-evaluate the interaction as something more or less.

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By *essicagraceWoman
over a year ago

birmingham

I go through ebbs and flows. Sometimes I want connection, sometimes I don't. Often its whether I can take the hit. When I'm looking for connection I sometimes assume things and read things I shouldn't. I don't want to become hard. Staying soft is a strength and a damn good one. But sometimes it's too much. I'm having a fucking week of it at the moment so guards are a touch more up because I can feel I'm craving something and that's not entirely healthy. Trying to work on my own sense of self and grounding, then I'll establish if I want to lower some walls again. For the foreseeable, probably not.

Of course something there in terms of care makes sex GOOD. But in terms of a deeper spiritual and emotional intimacy, and vulnerability? That's something else.

Times a healer. As is therapy. Everyone go to therapy hahaha.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"……

Do you need a condom for your heart? Or your over thinking brain?

I’d like regular, and ribbed for her pleasure.

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By *olmateMan
over a year ago

Loads of lovely responses to this thread...

I don't have any rituals to keep sex out of the heart

In fact, I don't need a rituals.

It might sound contradictory to many but for me having that slightest emotional touch that sparks attraction is important - that feeling to kiss, cuddles before and after sex (done know how it can be without a pinch of emotions) is important or I may not even have an eraction at all.

In short, personal preference, I need that little emo to kindle the fire of having a great sex with someone...

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

So, like a sacrificial lamb to the altar of emotional attachment, I submit. It's not about romance or a relationship; it's about 'feelings' with substance, something meaningful with synergy."

Oh Nero.

This is exactly me. Sadly.

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By *eroLondonMan
over a year ago

Mayfair

So, like a sacrificial lamb to the altar of emotional attachment, I submit. It's not about romance or a relationship; it's about 'feelings' with substance, something meaningful with synergy.

Oh Nero.

This is exactly me. Sadly. "

•

But is it "Sadly"?

Perhaps we should embrace how we are wired up in our amorously arrhythmic hearts and how we are programmed in our pining minds?

I don't wish to be any other way. I quite like that intense feeling, despite living in a fool's paradise!

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I find it very easy to compartmentalise. I'm happy to share feelings in the moment but am very easy at leaving them ther.

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

So, like a sacrificial lamb to the altar of emotional attachment, I submit. It's not about romance or a relationship; it's about 'feelings' with substance, something meaningful with synergy.

Oh Nero.

This is exactly me. Sadly.

•

But is it "Sadly"?

Perhaps we should embrace how we are wired up in our amorously arrhythmic hearts and how we are programmed in our pining minds?

I don't wish to be any other way. I quite like that intense feeling, despite living in a fool's paradise!"

Pining. Fuck I hope I don't pine, what a depressing mental image!

Oh I don't know. The majority of the time I love it. That intensity, the way I light up. The excitement I feel with every interaction.

But sometimes I wish I wasn't quite so... passionate. It can lead to hurt. Once my walls are down, I'm very soft. The highs are worth the lows though. Very much so.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I find it very easy to compartmentalise. I'm happy to share feelings in the moment but am very easy at leaving them ther.

Good lord who typed that!?

'but very good at leaving them there '

Good effort, lacks attention to detail. See me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think I go against the grain here a little swinging wise

I tend not to become sexual with those I meet socially

Recreational sex for me is very transactional

Becoming friends with people socially, much less so - if you have a piece of me friendship wise, it will stay there, regardless of how much (or how little) we interact

I don't want that emotional bond that so many desire in sex

I have those away from the site and they are very special

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I think I go against the grain here a little swinging wise

I tend not to become sexual with those I meet socially

Recreational sex for me is very transactional

Becoming friends with people socially, much less so - if you have a piece of me friendship wise, it will stay there, regardless of how much (or how little) we interact

I don't want that emotional bond that so many desire in sex

I have those away from the site and they are very special"

I completely understand that.

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By *ose-tinted GlassesMan
over a year ago

Glasgow

"Good effort, lacks attention to detail. See me "

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I find it very easy to compartmentalise. I'm happy to share feelings in the moment but am very easy at leaving them ther.

Good lord who typed that!?

'but very good at leaving them there '

Good effort, lacks attention to detail. See me "

I knew exactly what you meant

I actually get this, despite my heart being a somewhat beautiful liability most of the time, there are other times when I can compartmentalise things. I have a whole kalax unit of boxes of stuff in my mind and I can put something in there and not really revisit it again. It's rare that I really want to but there have been times I've known I've needed to.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"I find it very easy to compartmentalise. I'm happy to share feelings in the moment but am very easy at leaving them ther.

Good lord who typed that!?

'but very good at leaving them there '

Good effort, lacks attention to detail. See me "

Hire me for your role. I am maticulous and has keen atetention to detail?

(Joke, joke

)

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Good effort, lacks attention to detail. See me

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I find it very easy to compartmentalise. I'm happy to share feelings in the moment but am very easy at leaving them ther.

Good lord who typed that!?

'but very good at leaving them there '

Good effort, lacks attention to detail. See me

I knew exactly what you meant

It's just the way I'm wired, whether it's innate or learned I have no idea but I accept it

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I find it very easy to compartmentalise. I'm happy to share feelings in the moment but am very easy at leaving them ther.

Good lord who typed that!?

'but very good at leaving them there '

Good effort, lacks attention to detail. See me

Hire me for your role. I am maticulous and has keen atetention to detail?

(Joke, joke

You'll be telling me you're discrete next

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"I find it very easy to compartmentalise. I'm happy to share feelings in the moment but am very easy at leaving them ther.

Good lord who typed that!?

'but very good at leaving them there '

Good effort, lacks attention to detail. See me

Hire me for your role. I am maticulous and has keen atetention to detail?

(Joke, joke

)

You'll be telling me you're discrete next

I am discrete, the umbilical cord was cut in the 80s

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I find it very easy to compartmentalise. I'm happy to share feelings in the moment but am very easy at leaving them ther.

Good lord who typed that!?

'but very good at leaving them there '

Good effort, lacks attention to detail. See me

Hire me for your role. I am maticulous and has keen atetention to detail?

(Joke, joke

)

You'll be telling me you're discrete next

I am discrete, the umbilical cord was cut in the 80s

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

I think I just accept nothing lasts forever , enjoy the now, don’t let past disappointment define the future etc.

I think if you put up defences it’s a self fulfilling prophecy , you only attract the types likely to hurt you again

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I think I just accept nothing lasts forever , enjoy the now, don’t let past disappointment define the future etc.

I think if you put up defences it’s a self fulfilling prophecy , you only attract the types likely to hurt you again "

Do you find people assume you're cold hearted or don't feel as deeply as others? I have had that experience

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By *aughtyandhandsomeMan
over a year ago

button moon

I’d be lying if I said I’ve not had feelings for people who I’ve met. Some have become good close friends and that’s all. But I did develop feelings for someone once. It’s only natural. No one knows what life will throw at you. You think because of the nature of the site that it won’t happen but we’re human everyone’s got feelings and sometimes people do connect that strongly through chance. I maybe didn’t show them enough as they did to me. Why? Maybe I was scared to fully show them I don’t know. Never came here looking for it it just happened. But sometimes those feelings stay and you can’t shake them off even if you try.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I just have my barriers built really high now.

I got hurt pretty bad when someone who I thought would always be a part of my life suddenly ghosted me and it was when I was at my lowest suffering with post natal depression as well.

BUT the experiences have hardened me and I won't let people get that close to me now. Don't get me wrong I still need a connection but I no longer care enough to have anything someone else does affect me and it means that I can't get hurt that way.

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By *elaninMaverickWoman
over a year ago

near Putney Heath

"I think I just accept nothing lasts forever , enjoy the now, don’t let past disappointment define the future etc.

I think if you put up defences it’s a self fulfilling prophecy , you only attract the types likely to hurt you again "

When my defences were down, I got hurt very badly. Now my defences are up, the pain last considerably shorter and my life is more peaceful.

I've resolved that I can't control other people but only what I allow them to do to me and my reaction to their behaviour. There are always bad/harmful/bleach people....that's the reality. I'm all for protection instead of cure and healing.

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By *atricia ParnelWoman
over a year ago

In a town full of colours

If I'm having sex with them, I already feel deeply for them, so I embrace It

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

"I think I just accept nothing lasts forever , enjoy the now, don’t let past disappointment define the future etc.

I think if you put up defences it’s a self fulfilling prophecy , you only attract the types likely to hurt you again

Do you find people assume you're cold hearted or don't feel as deeply as others? I have had that experience "

People who don’t know me yes, or people who want more emotionally than I want to give. But people who know me well often say the opposite !

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

There are always bad/harmful/bleach people....that's the reality. I'm all for protection instead of cure and healing."

I think I disagree a bit on that having met a lot of people off here , I can’t think of a single harmful / bad one.

It’s like that person everyone says avoid , she’s trouble they are XYZ, that’s their experience, because they are harmful and disloyal themselves…..but if you go with an open heart you find a completely different person.

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By *mber81Woman
over a year ago

visits Paisley, Scot, lives in Preston, Eng

"There are quite a lot of very deep posts today. I've read so many beautiful thoughts and responses. Some have made me smile and some have made me think

Virginia Johnson said "Sex: enjoy it when you can but keep your heart out."

So how do you do that? Can you do that?

Do you have a particular ritual to do that?

Do you need a condom for your heart? Or your over thinking brain?

Oh my god my heart is in everything I do. Do I get hurt? Hmmm not for long. Do I get disappointed? Often.

I have got much better at being clear about my emotions. Hurt is too vague for me now. Anger, disappointment, humiliation embarrassment tend to make up my hurt and understanding them and looking at the emotions makes me feel better about them. I definitely still struggle with disappointment at people being unable or unwilling to be upfront and clear but I am less often 'hurt' by others.

Well unless being spanked but that is a different type of hurt.

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By *mber81Woman
over a year ago

visits Paisley, Scot, lives in Preston, Eng

Times a healer. As is therapy. Everyone go to therapy hahaha."

This. What _essicagrace said for sure!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think it’s pretty simple.

I’m overthinking a lot, but I don’t attach to people that easily as I need and body craves this emotional side more than sexual side.

Personally for me

Sex is just sex as humans nature we need it. This goes along fab, swinging places etc. this is where I keep my heart out. If I find you attractive look wise and intelligent wise- surely I will compliment how beautiful person you are,but that’s it.

Making love, is a deep connection with partner , it’s meaningful and full with love and emotions. This is moment when you are in your most vulnerable stage, and your heart is open for this person.

Mrs

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