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Do you own your feelings?

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By *ansoffate OP   Man
over a year ago

Sagittarius A

I find sometimes, especially when people are emotionally charged, that their language changes from:

I feel happy, sad, angry etc.

To

You made me feel happy, sad, angry etc.

Can someone really make us feel something, or are our feelings our own responsibility?

Do we have a choice of how to feel? e.g. to be hurt or offended.

Does the boundary get blurred for you when you are in an intimate relationship?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I make a distinction between "you" made me feel x ..... and "your behaviour" made me feel x

And yes I do also take responsibility for managing my feelings, sitting with them and working out if it's really what someone has done or if it's other things contributing to whatever I am feeling.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Feelings aren't a choice, they are a consequence of our environment and mostly other people's behaviour. Its our responsibility to look after our emotions and handle them the best way we can but others need to take accountability for making us feel a certain way too.

It becomes a pattern especially as a woman that feelings can be used as a weapon. If I feel something it's for a reason, it's not irrational, over emotional or dramatic.. it's a real human being reacting to things.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I make a distinction between "you" made me feel x ..... and "your behaviour" made me feel x

And yes I do also take responsibility for managing my feelings, sitting with them and working out if it's really what someone has done or if it's other things contributing to whatever I am feeling. "

This approach is of course the ideal. It does, however, take a level of self awareness and inner strength that many, myself included, occasionally fall short of.

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By *ris GrayMan
over a year ago

Dorchester

Our thought processes are all so very different if you are trying to make someone happy and fall short then maybe they aren't for you but if something you do physically makes them sad then they definitely aren't for you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I make a distinction between "you" made me feel x ..... and "your behaviour" made me feel x

And yes I do also take responsibility for managing my feelings, sitting with them and working out if it's really what someone has done or if it's other things contributing to whatever I am feeling.

This approach is of course the ideal. It does, however, take a level of self awareness and inner strength that many, myself included, occasionally fall short of."

It can be developed if you want to .... therapy and working on myself ... I am by no means perfect but now less likely to dissolve into a hot triggered mess and rarely lose my shit anymore ..... that may also be because I am happily divorced and single

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Yes people can make you feel happy or sad or any of the other emotions.

Nobody wants to be told "your behaviour makes me feel loved" they want to know they're loved.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Feelings aren't a choice, they are a consequence of our environment and mostly other people's behaviour. Its our responsibility to look after our emotions and handle them the best way we can but others need to take accountability for making us feel a certain way too.

It becomes a pattern especially as a woman that feelings can be used as a weapon. If I feel something it's for a reason, it's not irrational, over emotional or dramatic.. it's a real human being reacting to things. "

Amen to that. Of course we need to take responsibility for our feelings but not to the extent that others may behave how they wish and make it our fault if we're upset or offended

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Feelings aren't a choice, they are a consequence of our environment and mostly other people's behaviour. Its our responsibility to look after our emotions and handle them the best way we can but others need to take accountability for making us feel a certain way too.

It becomes a pattern especially as a woman that feelings can be used as a weapon. If I feel something it's for a reason, it's not irrational, over emotional or dramatic.. it's a real human being reacting to things. "

Well put.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Yes people can make you feel happy or sad or any of the other emotions.

Nobody wants to be told "your behaviour makes me feel loved" they want to know they're loved.

"

That should read 'your behaviour makes me feel love '

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If anything I probably own them too much. I'll take the blame far too often or I'll invalidate them at other times.

I don't particularly like confrontation, don't get me wrong it happens when it needs and I'm much more aware of my boundaries these days.

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

Feelings are totally natural it's how we handle them that defines us.

Now my triggers aren't anyone else's responsibility if something upsets me or makes me angry I'll say I'm angry or upset, it's no one else's fault I reacted that way, I'll explain how I feel or what they did to make me feel that way then move on.

The only time I get wound up if something has done purposely to make me feel that way, but 99% of the time people don't mean to cause the reactions we have.

Mrs

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By *ris GrayMan
over a year ago

Dorchester

And the answer to the question is yes i own my feelings whether they are right or wrong they are mine

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By *ansoffate OP   Man
over a year ago

Sagittarius A


"If anything I probably own them too much. I'll take the blame far too often or I'll invalidate them at other times.

I don't particularly like confrontation, don't get me wrong it happens when it needs and I'm much more aware of my boundaries these days.

"

I used to do that a lot. Take the blame, even when I felt it was unfair. I would do it just to keep the peace. Rarely worked for long though.

That's good, stop me if I wrong, but I see you as someone who values deep connection? Has it been experience in relationships that's made you aware of your boundaries?

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"Feelings aren't a choice, they are a consequence of our environment and mostly other people's behaviour. Its our responsibility to look after our emotions and handle them the best way we can but others need to take accountability for making us feel a certain way too.

It becomes a pattern especially as a woman that feelings can be used as a weapon. If I feel something it's for a reason, it's not irrational, over emotional or dramatic.. it's a real human being reacting to things. "

I'm responsible for managing my feelings, but I'm also responsible for my contribution to other people's feelings.

Saying it's all about your own feelings and not your context is just victim blaming.

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By *ansoffate OP   Man
over a year ago

Sagittarius A


"Feelings aren't a choice, they are a consequence of our environment and mostly other people's behaviour. Its our responsibility to look after our emotions and handle them the best way we can but others need to take accountability for making us feel a certain way too.

It becomes a pattern especially as a woman that feelings can be used as a weapon. If I feel something it's for a reason, it's not irrational, over emotional or dramatic.. it's a real human being reacting to things. "

I like a lot of that, I do like people who feel and express their emotions in the moment.

I think feelings can be irrational though. That's essentially how anxiety disorders are defined. Feeling anxious or threatened when there is no rational reason to be.

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By *irkby coupleCouple
over a year ago

Kirkby

A lot of people don’t own anything these days, they are told how to feel, what to think and how to behave.

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By *ansoffate OP   Man
over a year ago

Sagittarius A


"Feelings are totally natural it's how we handle them that defines us.

Now my triggers aren't anyone else's responsibility if something upsets me or makes me angry I'll say I'm angry or upset, it's no one else's fault I reacted that way, I'll explain how I feel or what they did to make me feel that way then move on.

The only time I get wound up if something has done purposely to make me feel that way, but 99% of the time people don't mean to cause the reactions we have.

Mrs "

Oh like your opening line!

I agree with that too, if someone's behaviour is something I find myself offended or hurt by. I will offer to explain. How I move on depends on their response. I very rarely feel vengeful, but it's unlikely I will be considerate of the feelings of people who aren't of mine much either.

I agree with the principle but I think 99% is overly optimistic

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By *ansoffate OP   Man
over a year ago

Sagittarius A


"I make a distinction between "you" made me feel x ..... and "your behaviour" made me feel x

And yes I do also take responsibility for managing my feelings, sitting with them and working out if it's really what someone has done or if it's other things contributing to whatever I am feeling.

This approach is of course the ideal. It does, however, take a level of self awareness and inner strength that many, myself included, occasionally fall short of.

It can be developed if you want to .... therapy and working on myself ... I am by no means perfect but now less likely to dissolve into a hot triggered mess and rarely lose my shit anymore ..... that may also be because I am happily divorced and single "

done a lot of working on myself too and therapy. I agree it helps a lot. Glad you are happy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"If anything I probably own them too much. I'll take the blame far too often or I'll invalidate them at other times.

I don't particularly like confrontation, don't get me wrong it happens when it needs and I'm much more aware of my boundaries these days.

I used to do that a lot. Take the blame, even when I felt it was unfair. I would do it just to keep the peace. Rarely worked for long though.

That's good, stop me if I wrong, but I see you as someone who values deep connection? Has it been experience in relationships that's made you aware of your boundaries?

"

Yes I do. I don't want shallow anything. Small talk bores me, tell me what makes you tick. Tell me what you really think.

Possibly a bit of previous experience and probably just the realisation of what I actually want.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"Feelings aren't a choice, they are a consequence of our environment and mostly other people's behaviour. Its our responsibility to look after our emotions and handle them the best way we can but others need to take accountability for making us feel a certain way too.

It becomes a pattern especially as a woman that feelings can be used as a weapon. If I feel something it's for a reason, it's not irrational, over emotional or dramatic.. it's a real human being reacting to things.

I like a lot of that, I do like people who feel and express their emotions in the moment.

I think feelings can be irrational though. That's essentially how anxiety disorders are defined. Feeling anxious or threatened when there is no rational reason to be."

Quite often these things arise from circumstances that the person has experienced in the past.

And even if they haven't - I'm not going to tell, say, a wheelchair user to get over themselves and climb the stairs. It makes no difference whether they were born with the condition or acquired it, whether it's temporary or permanent.

Similarly, to the extent that I'm aware and I can, I'll try to not be a jerk about other people's brain wiring.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

It can be developed if you want to .... therapy and working on myself ... I am by no means perfect but now less likely to dissolve into a hot triggered mess and rarely lose my shit anymore ..... that may also be because I am happily divorced and single

done a lot of working on myself too and therapy. I agree it helps a lot. Glad you are happy."

Very happy and much more content and balanced. Still have times when I struggle but most the time I of course have the feelings but I am able to choose how I react.

I am not responsible for making others happy and am entirely responsible for my own happiness. Someone behaves like a c*nt I can choose to cut their toxic asses out of my life.

It's totally OK to be having a hard time, have had challenges and feeling bad but it is entirely personal choice to behave like a c*nt so that your behaviour impacts others negatively.

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By *ansoffate OP   Man
over a year ago

Sagittarius A


"I make a distinction between "you" made me feel x ..... and "your behaviour" made me feel x

And yes I do also take responsibility for managing my feelings, sitting with them and working out if it's really what someone has done or if it's other things contributing to whatever I am feeling.

This approach is of course the ideal. It does, however, take a level of self awareness and inner strength that many, myself included, occasionally fall short of."

Love it... Self-awareness. That's the key for me. Can't regulate emotions or be honest about stuff outside of your awareness.

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By *ellhungvweMan
over a year ago

Cheltenham

In my experience people tend to put the responsibility for negative feelings on other people but will happily take responsibility for positive feelings.

It is possible for external factors to influence your emotions but the overwhelming responsibility has to be internal. Two people can react in markedly different ways to the same event so clearly the event itself is not responsible for the emotions felt by either person.

You have to own your emotional responses.

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By *ansoffate OP   Man
over a year ago

Sagittarius A


"

It can be developed if you want to .... therapy and working on myself ... I am by no means perfect but now less likely to dissolve into a hot triggered mess and rarely lose my shit anymore ..... that may also be because I am happily divorced and single

done a lot of working on myself too and therapy. I agree it helps a lot. Glad you are happy.

Very happy and much more content and balanced. Still have times when I struggle but most the time I of course have the feelings but I am able to choose how I react.

I am not responsible for making others happy and am entirely responsible for my own happiness. Someone behaves like a c*nt I can choose to cut their toxic asses out of my life.

It's totally OK to be having a hard time, have had challenges and feeling bad but it is entirely personal choice to behave like a c*nt so that your behaviour impacts others negatively. "

I agree. Although sometimes being a cunt is subjective. Can't please everyone all the time. Sometimes you have to express yourself knowing it may not be received well by others.

I do not speak because I am afraid I won't be accepted. But when I am silent I am still afraid. So it is better to speak. Audre Lourde. Probably not verbatim but something like that.

Also yeah I don't consider other people's happiness my responsibility. I do love when it happens naturally though.

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By *ose-tinted GlassesMan
over a year ago

Glasgow / London

I don’t know where I sit with this. But …


"You have to own your emotional responses."

This sparked a thought. Emotions are a *response*. They don’t occur in a vacuum.

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By *ansoffate OP   Man
over a year ago

Sagittarius A


"And the answer to the question is yes i own my feelings whether they are right or wrong they are mine "

Sometimes the simplest terms are the best.

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By *olly_chromaticTV/TS
over a year ago

Stockport

I often fall short of being properly observant and thoughtful of others, often I'm unaware of it, and only sometimes do I realise later during reflection that I might have hurt somebody. I do try though to be at least a halfway decent human being.

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By *ellhungvweMan
over a year ago

Cheltenham


"I don’t know where I sit with this. But …

You have to own your emotional responses.

This sparked a thought. Emotions are a *response*. They don’t occur in a vacuum. "

Exactly

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's a nuanced discussion. Others behaviour & actions may invoke a responsive emotion in a person but how they deal with that emotion is up to them. We are accountable for what we say, do & allow ourselves to feel, but we are naturally affected by our environment & others in it, through the paradigm of our previous direct & indirect experiences.

People can be intentional or unintentional with things & we are all flawed as that's what makes us human. Owning it/ accountability & sincerity, is the best way to navigate it for meaningful outcomes (IMO) xo

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I often fall short of being properly observant and thoughtful of others, often I'm unaware of it, and only sometimes do I realise later during reflection that I might have hurt somebody. I do try though to be at least a halfway decent human being."

Very good point - self awareness, reflection, & awareness of others too xo

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By *ansoffate OP   Man
over a year ago

Sagittarius A


"It's a nuanced discussion. Others behaviour & actions may invoke a responsive emotion in a person but how they deal with that emotion is up to them. We are accountable for what we say, do & allow ourselves to feel, but we are naturally affected by our environment & others in it, through the paradigm of our previous direct & indirect experiences.

People can be intentional or unintentional with things & we are all flawed as that's what makes us human. Owning it/ accountability & sincerity, is the best way to navigate it for meaningful outcomes (IMO) xo "

Can I use your words please?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It's a nuanced discussion. Others behaviour & actions may invoke a responsive emotion in a person but how they deal with that emotion is up to them. We are accountable for what we say, do & allow ourselves to feel, but we are naturally affected by our environment & others in it, through the paradigm of our previous direct & indirect experiences.

People can be intentional or unintentional with things & we are all flawed as that's what makes us human. Owning it/ accountability & sincerity, is the best way to navigate it for meaningful outcomes (IMO) xo

Can I use your words please?"

Sure?

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

.

I think to a certain extent yes, another person can make you feel a certain way. Even more so if you're in a closer relationship with them. Actions, the environment we're in can all have an impact on us.

On a personal note, I'm a great believer in being accountable for my response, my behaviour to situations. I also think that others can have a degree of accountability as well. Something which is increasingly ignored.

I've had my feelings dismissed before - being told I'm intense when I'm trying to rationalise a lie, make sense of it. And I think that the most hurtful thing about it isn't the dismissal of how I feel. It's the failure to acknowledge that their behaviour may have caused it - putting the blame on me. As a learned behaviour I'm often quick to try and appease the situation, say 'hey don't worry about it, I was way too intense' and try and forget what's led to my response. Lying etc.

I'm trying to undo that now. I won't pretend I'm perfect - some of my behaviour can frankly be rather bitchy. I have my flaws but I'm also working on emotional regulation. Being able to treat others how I'd like to be. A work in progress.

It's important for me to be authentic in how I feel - expressing it truthfully when needs be but also accepting sometimes I'm an irrational bitch and in the wrong.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think to a certain extent yes, another person can make you feel a certain way. Even more so if you're in a closer relationship with them. Actions, the environment we're in can all have an impact on us.

That's true, people can intentionally or unintentionally draw in or push away others with things they say & do. Having your feelings acknowledged is important for building trust.

On a personal note, I'm a great believer in being accountable for my response, my behaviour to situations. I also think that others can have a degree of accountability as well. Something which is increasingly ignored.

I've had my feelings dismissed before - being told I'm intense when I'm trying to rationalise a lie, make sense of it. And I think that the most hurtful thing about it isn't the dismissal of how I feel. It's the failure to acknowledge that their behaviour may have caused it - putting the blame on me. As a learned behaviour I'm often quick to try and appease the situation, say 'hey don't worry about it, I was way too intense' and try and forget what's led to my response. Lying etc.

I'm trying to undo that now. I won't pretend I'm perfect - some of my behaviour can frankly be rather bitchy. I have my flaws but I'm also working on emotional regulation. Being able to treat others how I'd like to be. A work in progress.

It's important for me to be authentic in how I feel - expressing it truthfully when needs be but also accepting sometimes I'm an irrational bitch and in the wrong. "

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By *aucasian GhandiMan
over a year ago

from my dad's left nut (Warwick)


"I find sometimes, especially when people are emotionally charged, that their language changes from:

I feel happy, sad, angry etc.

To

You made me feel happy, sad, angry etc.

Can someone really make us feel something, or are our feelings our own responsibility?

Do we have a choice of how to feel? e.g. to be hurt or offended.

Does the boundary get blurred for you when you are in an intimate relationship?"

I own my feelings, somebody can only make me feel a way because I allow them to. But then it's really about them. I feel a certain way, as what ever they have said or done. Triggers some sort of old trauma based event. Which is unresolved. I have to take responsibility for my feelings, as my traumatic experience will taint and bias my perception of events. Its all about the lens I view things through..

If I judge things through a lens that's based in rejection, then no matter what I'll always, put a meaning to a present day experience, which leaves me always feeling the same way REJECTED.

My attitude is just a perception based on my experience. Change my experience i change can then change my perception. As my old perception is challenged by new evidence.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think to a certain extent yes, another person can make you feel a certain way. Even more so if you're in a closer relationship with them. Actions, the environment we're in can all have an impact on us.

On a personal note, I'm a great believer in being accountable for my response, my behaviour to situations. I also think that others can have a degree of accountability as well. Something which is increasingly ignored.

I've had my feelings dismissed before - being told I'm intense when I'm trying to rationalise a lie, make sense of it. And I think that the most hurtful thing about it isn't the dismissal of how I feel. It's the failure to acknowledge that their behaviour may have caused it - putting the blame on me. As a learned behaviour I'm often quick to try and appease the situation, say 'hey don't worry about it, I was way too intense' and try and forget what's led to my response. Lying etc.

I'm trying to undo that now. I won't pretend I'm perfect - some of my behaviour can frankly be rather bitchy. I have my flaws but I'm also working on emotional regulation. Being able to treat others how I'd like to be. A work in progress.

It's important for me to be authentic in how I feel - expressing it truthfully when needs be but also accepting sometimes I'm an irrational bitch and in the wrong. "

Oops not sure what happened there..

Props to you Meli, it can happen that people can deliberately or unintentionally invalidate or dismiss feelings, but acknowledging them is important. Sometimes you meet someone & you just 'get' their intention/ style of communication, other times you don't. I think more can be said with silence/ removing yourself, sometimes too.

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually

I believe I own my feelings.

Most times, I can rationalise things out pretty well. I'll look at how I was hurt by an action or choice they made and why I found it hurtful, and if the reason is based in my own issues I acknowledge that.

Sometimes, people do things that are genuinely hurtful. That have fuck all to do with my idiosyncrasies or interpretation, they're just shitty things to do. That's when I'll phrase it the other way.

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By *ansoffate OP   Man
over a year ago

Sagittarius A


"I think to a certain extent yes, another person can make you feel a certain way. Even more so if you're in a closer relationship with them. Actions, the environment we're in can all have an impact on us.

On a personal note, I'm a great believer in being accountable for my response, my behaviour to situations. I also think that others can have a degree of accountability as well. Something which is increasingly ignored.

I've had my feelings dismissed before - being told I'm intense when I'm trying to rationalise a lie, make sense of it. And I think that the most hurtful thing about it isn't the dismissal of how I feel. It's the failure to acknowledge that their behaviour may have caused it - putting the blame on me. As a learned behaviour I'm often quick to try and appease the situation, say 'hey don't worry about it, I was way too intense' and try and forget what's led to my response. Lying etc.

I'm trying to undo that now. I won't pretend I'm perfect - some of my behaviour can frankly be rather bitchy. I have my flaws but I'm also working on emotional regulation. Being able to treat others how I'd like to be. A work in progress.

It's important for me to be authentic in how I feel - expressing it truthfully when needs be but also accepting sometimes I'm an irrational bitch and in the wrong. "

Really glad to see someone say that they do think the closer a relationship is the harder it can be. Why trust is so important and of course honesty - making lies so damaging.

The thing that gets to me is an accusation against my personal integrity - which I feel deeply to be false. Especially, if that person offers no tangible justification and refuses to hear my side of the story. Only if it's someone I care for though - anyone else can fuck off. A clear lie that's unacknowledged - I just lose respect for that person.

I'll take an: authentic, emotionally expressive, sometimes irrational bitch, who admits when she is wrong - seven days a week and thrice on Sundays. Usually very passionate in bed too - plus make up sex.

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

.


"I think to a certain extent yes, another person can make you feel a certain way. Even more so if you're in a closer relationship with them. Actions, the environment we're in can all have an impact on us.

On a personal note, I'm a great believer in being accountable for my response, my behaviour to situations. I also think that others can have a degree of accountability as well. Something which is increasingly ignored.

I've had my feelings dismissed before - being told I'm intense when I'm trying to rationalise a lie, make sense of it. And I think that the most hurtful thing about it isn't the dismissal of how I feel. It's the failure to acknowledge that their behaviour may have caused it - putting the blame on me. As a learned behaviour I'm often quick to try and appease the situation, say 'hey don't worry about it, I was way too intense' and try and forget what's led to my response. Lying etc.

I'm trying to undo that now. I won't pretend I'm perfect - some of my behaviour can frankly be rather bitchy. I have my flaws but I'm also working on emotional regulation. Being able to treat others how I'd like to be. A work in progress.

It's important for me to be authentic in how I feel - expressing it truthfully when needs be but also accepting sometimes I'm an irrational bitch and in the wrong.

Really glad to see someone say that they do think the closer a relationship is the harder it can be. Why trust is so important and of course honesty - making lies so damaging.

The thing that gets to me is an accusation against my personal integrity - which I feel deeply to be false. Especially, if that person offers no tangible justification and refuses to hear my side of the story. Only if it's someone I care for though - anyone else can fuck off. A clear lie that's unacknowledged - I just lose respect for that person.

I'll take an: authentic, emotionally expressive, sometimes irrational bitch, who admits when she is wrong - seven days a week and thrice on Sundays. Usually very passionate in bed too - plus make up sex. "

Oh definitely. When you have that deeper connection with a person it can, potentially, make feelings harder to navigate. We're more likely to slip into the language where we say you *make* me feel this way. And sometimes it's inaccurate, sometimes it's true. It doesn't always mean the other person has acted in a particularly bad way, it could be their behaviour has triggered memories of previous bad experiences.

And ha, thank you! Being passionate in bed is something people say quite often to me. I think it's the universe's attempt to redeem my passionate self outside of it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I find sometimes, especially when people are emotionally charged, that their language changes from:

I feel happy, sad, angry etc.

To

You made me feel happy, sad, angry etc.

Can someone really make us feel something, or are our feelings our own responsibility?

Do we have a choice of how to feel? e.g. to be hurt or offended.

Does the boundary get blurred for you when you are in an intimate relationship?"

Yes someone really can make us feel something..otherwise we'd all be stone cold robots.

Our feelings are our own responsibility and the responsibility of the other people in our lives. To what extent depends on, I think, who they are to you.

Sometimes yes we have a choice in how we feel and sometimes no I don't think we do.

If my initial gut feeling is one way, trying to push it another way just makes it stronger...depending on who it is and what's happened.

Give me someone who passionately expresses their full range of emotions any day, over someone who is tightly controlled.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hello Op , Fabs .

Human emotion world is a interesting topic .

I’m not particularly very impressed with the impact this days . Sadly said . We still have good sweethearts tho …

-

To who belongs the reflection ?

To the mirror or to the object reflected ?

Is a reflection. Is forged . Combined .

Has an ignition, as a result .

A feeling is a reaction where both parts input fragments to combine and very doubt both sides will have 100% the same result .

As it would take both to be exactly the same to result exactly the same . Taking the emotion the same way .

In our nature is impossible as we know it . 100% identical yes , like both feel deep in love or in deep pain . But I’m personal seperate ways as 1 . .

No one is creator of their own emotional world .

U offer path and try master them . But u not the creator . U not the fountain . U part of it .

We all vessels who carry emotions and make part of it . Apart from Foreigner’s partner who is cold as ice .

I like to call “ you prick “ when someone is evil to me .

I like to say “ I love you “ when some one is nice to me

Is a reaction - fountain to new reaction effect

And off we go in an infinite circle or spiral or where ever is going

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By *ansoffate OP   Man
over a year ago

Sagittarius A


"I think to a certain extent yes, another person can make you feel a certain way. Even more so if you're in a closer relationship with them. Actions, the environment we're in can all have an impact on us.

On a personal note, I'm a great believer in being accountable for my response, my behaviour to situations. I also think that others can have a degree of accountability as well. Something which is increasingly ignored.

I've had my feelings dismissed before - being told I'm intense when I'm trying to rationalise a lie, make sense of it. And I think that the most hurtful thing about it isn't the dismissal of how I feel. It's the failure to acknowledge that their behaviour may have caused it - putting the blame on me. As a learned behaviour I'm often quick to try and appease the situation, say 'hey don't worry about it, I was way too intense' and try and forget what's led to my response. Lying etc.

I'm trying to undo that now. I won't pretend I'm perfect - some of my behaviour can frankly be rather bitchy. I have my flaws but I'm also working on emotional regulation. Being able to treat others how I'd like to be. A work in progress.

It's important for me to be authentic in how I feel - expressing it truthfully when needs be but also accepting sometimes I'm an irrational bitch and in the wrong.

Really glad to see someone say that they do think the closer a relationship is the harder it can be. Why trust is so important and of course honesty - making lies so damaging.

The thing that gets to me is an accusation against my personal integrity - which I feel deeply to be false. Especially, if that person offers no tangible justification and refuses to hear my side of the story. Only if it's someone I care for though - anyone else can fuck off. A clear lie that's unacknowledged - I just lose respect for that person.

I'll take an: authentic, emotionally expressive, sometimes irrational bitch, who admits when she is wrong - seven days a week and thrice on Sundays. Usually very passionate in bed too - plus make up sex.

Oh definitely. When you have that deeper connection with a person it can, potentially, make feelings harder to navigate. We're more likely to slip into the language where we say you *make* me feel this way. And sometimes it's inaccurate, sometimes it's true. It doesn't always mean the other person has acted in a particularly bad way, it could be their behaviour has triggered memories of previous bad experiences.

And ha, thank you! Being passionate in bed is something people say quite often to me. I think it's the universe's attempt to redeem my passionate self outside of it. "

You are welcome. Universe rewarding you for being you, I would say!

Had to respond to that comment. I try to be honest with partners about my CSA and how certain behaviours can be triggers. Takes a lot to share that, sometimes I feel like that gets taken the wrong way, ignored or even used against me. That hurts like hell when it's someone I've trusted deeply and been vulnerable with. I get over it though.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

I own my own emotions and understand that I can explain to a person how a certain behaviour makes me feel and hope they will adjust in my presence but I cannot blame them for how I feel about it.

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By *ansoffate OP   Man
over a year ago

Sagittarius A


"I own my own emotions and understand that I can explain to a person how a certain behaviour makes me feel and hope they will adjust in my presence but I cannot blame them for how I feel about it. "

That's very fair I respect that.

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