FabSwingers.com forum: The first flush...

By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

of new relationship energy.

When you connect with someone - typically used in romantic situations but I think you can find it in various dynamics, platonic or not.

Is it something you enjoy/actively embrace? How do you feel when you're experiencing it?

Is it a stage you try and keep going for as long as possible or do you prefer the latter stages?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think it’s amazing, and I’m reluctant to get as excited as I used to as it’s led to so much dissapointment. I’m not talking about this Fab stuff,(as there’s some very sexy conversations I’ve had recently that I’d love to know what could happen). But I’m all invested in getting to know someone, and when you meet and there’s a spark inside yourself that revs the engine of intrigue and desire. And immediately you want to see them again. … and poof, they’re on to the next one, and you are left without fulfilling something, because they were they only one in your mind at that time.

And that’s it, I think someone once told me, ‘if you have a wank, and you still want to see them, they’re the one who exited you most, go for it!’

Quite true.

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By *agneto.Man
over a year ago

Bham

Jeez I thought this was about a mercy flush.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't do relationships but I do like the new "lust" feeling.

So few men actually really turn me on so when I find someone that does it is a tad exciting and it does make me smile. I don't take it for anything more than that though, and I also know I'll move on before long.

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By *hrista BellendWoman
over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

The new lust feeling confuses me and I have to ground myself not to try and see things I want, but are not actually there. I much prefer second stage where there is a degree of knowing and comfortably and we can grow and nuture together in whichever way our relationship needs to

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By *ansoffateMan
over a year ago

Sagittarius A

I love that energy.

Honestly, I think the moment you try to keep it or contain it in some way, you can start to ruin it.

Erich Fromm wrote a good book on that: to Have or to Be

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I love that energy.

Honestly, I think the moment you try to keep it or contain it in some way, you can start to ruin it.

A raging fire is difficult to keep going trying to keep it is an indication it’s difficult. Natural excitement is lovely, and is easy to follow. It just happens deep inside and doesn’t wash away from the surface.

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By *ansoffateMan
over a year ago

Sagittarius A

"I love that energy.

Honestly, I think the moment you try to keep it or contain it in some way, you can start to ruin it.

It's better to burnout than fade away!

Hear you man that's where the best stuff is. There's a natural serenity there too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Usually associated with youth. Maybe I am too old for that.

However with me, it manifests in uncontrolled shivers at the prospect of a meet - this can be a bit disconcerting to the other party, though yet to have them ask "do you need a blanket, sir" (I was going to put grandad, but that sounded a bit pervy!)

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"I think it’s amazing, and I’m reluctant to get as excited as I used to as it’s led to so much dissapointment. I’m not talking about this Fab stuff,(as there’s some very sexy conversations I’ve had recently that I’d love to know what could happen). But I’m all invested in getting to know someone, and when you meet and there’s a spark inside yourself that revs the engine of intrigue and desire. And immediately you want to see them again. … and poof, they’re on to the next one, and you are left without fulfilling something, because they were they only one in your mind at that time.

And that’s it, I think someone once told me, ‘if you have a wank, and you still want to see them, they’re the one who exited you most, go for it!’

Quite true.

Oh Woody. I'm sorry it's led to disappointment and reluctance to embrace it.

It's not always the case they're on to the next one. You write so beautifully about it, you really do. It's something I adore.

And yes, the wank test is a good one. I've done that a few times.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The new lust feeling confuses me and I have to ground myself not to try and see things I want, but are not actually there. I much prefer second stage where there is a degree of knowing and comfortably and we can grow and nuture together in whichever way our relationship needs to

Love this. I don’t like NRE either, I like to know someone, be comfortable and familiar, and start growing together. The sex improves too imo.

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By *eyond PurityCouple
over a year ago

Lincolnshire

I absolutely adore that first wave of feelings…nervous excitement.

Whilst we met on here and were FB’s you still have that excitement of a message awaiting you. And whilst we were just FB’s initially, we messaged constantly…we opened up to each other and shared our lives. Looking back I don’t think that was a standard FB scenario.

But the feels were there early as we connected so easily and on so many levels.

The excitement of seeing them, the feeling of warmth when around them, the wanting to impress, the closeness, your soul singing, how you adore that smile, that adoring look they give only you, surprising them, them laughing at your cheesy jokes, her head on my chest feeling like home, grabbing her hair just below her ear and giving her THAT look and getting it in return…

Yeah I remember it well as I’m still in that stage 3 years on

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By *wist my nipplesCouple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly

Ooh, I like the buzz. It's usually the ping pong chat for me, getting to know each other, making each other laugh, turning each other on... It never lasts, but that's the nature of relationships. It either peters out or becomes something deeper.

What about you, OP?

Mrs TMN x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

And that’s it, I think someone once told me, ‘if you have a wank, and you still want to see them, they’re the one who exited you most, go for it!’

Quite true.

Oh Woody. I'm sorry it's led to disappointment and reluctance to embrace it.

It's not always the case they're on to the next one. You write so beautifully about it, you really do. It's something I adore.

And yes, the wank test is a good one. I've done that a few times.

Don’t be sorry, I learned how this modern life is now, everyone is put as an option, and so, am one for someone. (I actually had this said to me and I’m still coming to terms with it! I ding think I ever will, I loved her and would have given everything for her)

When you like someone, options and other doors shut for a time, and my focus is in them.

I know what your question is. It’s the butterflies we remember when we were young, it’s just as we are older we’ve got experience and wisdom with us that tell is to beware or hold back. Sometimes I don’t want to because it stops you enjoying something so rare.

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By *imply DeeWoman
over a year ago

Wherever

Yes, I thrive on that energy. It’s like a life force for me, gives me power to keep going. I mostly associate it with romantic relationships.

Haven’t felt it for a very long while.

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

If a man can get me to the point where I’m excited to see him more than once then he’s doing ok.

To be honest I’m more anxious. As an over thinker I tend to pour water over my burning embers before I get too carried away. I miss the naivety of first love, when you just went with it, were open, hopeful, trusting. Before you knew what the pain of a broken heart was, and how much that hurt stays with you.

These days any smidge of excitement is paired with heavy trepidation.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I love that energy but if I’m honest the energy gets better the more you get to know that person x

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By *rLothbrokMan
over a year ago

Lancs

There is a good friend that still gives me this feeling when we speak, regardless of time intervals. I get a feeling elation when I see a message or call from her, almost bringing a warmth to my chest. She’s supported me through career choices, changes and major junctions in my life that I couldn’t thank her enough for.

Maybe it’s love, who knows

I have previously felt guilty for it, almost forgoing a long-standing friendship to satisfy a romantic relationship that eventually collapsed.

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By *iscean_dreamMan
over a year ago

Llanelli

I love the new relationship feeling where you feel really excited to see each other, I usually just try to enjoy that moment as much as possible before the grass starts to go brown.

I never trust things to stay great for long as far too many people tend to not be loyal these days as there's just too many easy ways to meet new people for a fresh buzz.

But yes I do enjoy the early part a lot when you feel important to them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Very unexpectedly I'm in that stage right now. The anticipation between encounters, the butterflies, the newness, the excitement of every kiss or touch, the afterglow and high of lust.

Its a beautiful thing when you just click with someone and you become a little bit smitten very quickly. When it all just works because you fit together so well.

Its a little bit addictive in the best of ways, especially when you know you've still only just scratched the surface.

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually

That whole NRE surge of overwhelmingness is absolutely beautiful, and an absolutely amazing feeling.

It's also a thing that while I do embrace and enjoy it for most of the time it's there, I find myself actively hoping that it's over sooner rather than later. I'm aware of those heady crush like feelings and that they're wonderful, but also that they mask a lot of things. And I worry that I lose sight of where I stand when that's all going on.

Basically, I overthink so hard that even though that stage is absolutely amazing, I prefer the parts afterward when I can think a bit more rationally and appreciate what is actually there once that passing new energy is gone.

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

That level of excitement is definitely something that I look for with someone that I’m looking to meet, it often leads to amazing sex.

If it lasts and grows, then that’s fantastic. If it fizzles then it can be disappointing but that’s also ok.

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By *ose-tinted GlassesMan
over a year ago

Glasgow / London

"It’s the butterflies we remember when we were young, it’s just as we are older we’ve got experience and wisdom with us that tell is to beware or hold back. Sometimes I don’t want to because it stops you enjoying something so rare. "

And now I have For Me This Is Heaven stuck in my head. “Can you still feel the butterflies? Can you still hear the last goodnight?”

I chase those butterflies. It’s one reason why I’m here, on Fab.

Growing older hasn’t dulled them, nor made me hold back at all. If anything, it’s just made me recognise and cherish them for what they are - the signal that I *really* like somebody, and that the feeling’s mutual (whether it’s fleeting or lasting).

"… And immediately you want to see them again. … and poof, they’re on to the next one, and you are left without fulfilling something, because they were they only one in your mind at that time. "

And this is where it gets tricky. Because I’m sometimes the one who moves on, chasing those beautiful butterflies again somewhere else. And I know how much that can hurt.

But not always. I’m not naive enough to think the New Relationship Energy lasts forever. But I do think it can last years. When you’re really, really lucky it can. And some relationships do survive beyond it. Become more than flings. Those are the ones that deepen into something different. Not better, not worse, but definitely different.

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By *ixed MisterMan
over a year ago

London

This is something I love and normally fully embrace it. It comes in various forms for me, whether it be the excitement of a new connection of minds, someone to share your interests with or that uncontrollable attraction leading to lusting. Any one of this alone can bring that feeling of excitement, seeing a new message come through, which always makes you smile in that goofy way without you knowing you're doing it.

On the rare occasion that all 3 align at the same time, it can be either amazing or a minefield depending on how ready you are for that explosive concoction of feelings that surge through you. You either harness it the right way and things go amazingly or you can express it in a bad way leading to things not going as you hoped or imagined.

Either way it's a hell of a ride, where you'll end up coming out the other side with something rather special, or you've learnt a lesson to hopefully help you when the next experience comes round for you.

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By *ose-tinted GlassesMan
over a year ago

Glasgow / London

"It’s a little bit addictive in the best of ways, especially when you know you've still only just scratched the surface. "

Yes! That’s the thing. That’s when I know it’s not fleeting. That feeling of only just scratching the surface.

I don’t get that feeling when it’s just the thrill of the new with nothing more beyond. That’s the difference.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If there one thing I love to see now I’m older is other men speaking so honestly about this stuff.

It’s a break from, ‘I’d smash her!’ That moment goes when you’ve finished with the sex! But when we reckognise what it is that really attacks you to someone, it’s a quick change from wanting them, to needing them. How long that lasts is a gamble, and is only prolonged with the sheer luck of the universe that they see you in the same way.

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By *istyPeaksCouple
over a year ago

braintree

I love these kinds of feelings. The excitement of a birthday or Christmas. The excitement when you message someone & they match your personality. The joy of a new message and the stupid shit-eating grin that accompanies it. Planning a meet and looking forward to it. Deciding what you’ll wear. And then when you meet & you’re hit by a rush of pheromones & chemistry. There is that spark and as you’re talking you’re anticipating that first kiss. Who will make the first move. Will the kiss end in the bedroom or will you both go home and plan another meeting, and then there’s all the memories and flashbacks that see you through.

Yeah. I love the thrill of the chase. But I also love the capture. I love getting into deeper and deeper conversations. Mind and body are very attached with me, and as the connection deepens with one - the fire in my belly burns deeper. I do everything 100%

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I miss that feeling

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

I thought this was an entirely different thread. My advice ( before reading ) was going to be, poke it with a coat hanger, break it in half.

But after read. I agree the honeymoon period ( usually first 6 months ) is nice.

The mr

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I love the excitement and the feelings of a new love… but I also love to see it in others too. And after the honeymoon period passes Iove to still be exciting and spontaneous with dates, nights out, nights in!

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By *rder66Man
over a year ago

Tatooine

Romatic relaionships are a big no for me, I like to feeling of that first lust feeling and try to kee that going but any hint of someone wanting more just stops it in its tracks.

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"I absolutely adore that first wave of feelings…nervous excitement.

But the feels were there early as we connected so easily and on so many levels.

Yeah I remember it well as I’m still in that stage 3 years on

Oh K you beautiful man. You really have described that heady feeling.

I hope that you have that level of excitement and warmth for many years to come.

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By *ex HolesMan
over a year ago

Up North

The chase is better than the catch

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"Ooh, I like the buzz. It's usually the ping pong chat for me, getting to know each other, making each other laugh, turning each other on... It never lasts, but that's the nature of relationships. It either peters out or becomes something deeper.

What about you, OP?

Mrs TMN x"

Hey NipNips.

You know me well. My voice. My thread. What makes me respond. I like it.

Very much typing this while being soundtracked by Del Rey so it might colour my response somewhat.

I absolutely adore it, I think a small part of me is addicted to that intoxicating rush of firsts. The first time someone tells me they like me, I can hear the sincerity in their voice and it floods me with a fuzzy feeling. The first time I have a conversation and click with someone, I find myself thinking, yes. I can be me with you. Not have to try and hide who I am. The first kiss. I could write a whole thread on that alone.

I think there's beauty in that stage. I think I might possibly prefer the latter though, when it becomes the relationship (not just romantic) it has the potential to be. That deeper connection with another, still the excitement of spending time with them, that joy on receiving their messages but less of the uncertainty that can accompany the initial stage.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am currently all aglow from just such a thing. I quite like the slow burn of new things being revealed slowly but steadily to each other that just make you smile and nod and think yes I would like to get naked with you and do rude things and listen to you talk and read stuff. The cogs of my lust are being lubricated back into action.

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By *istyPeaksCouple
over a year ago

braintree

"The chase is better than the catch "

Not when you catch the right one

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

I have no idea, having not started a new relationship for the best part of 20yrs

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By *ris GrayMan
over a year ago

Dorchester

I thought this was gonna be after a new toilet was fitted

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By *olly_chromaticTV/TS
over a year ago

Stockport

Too old and tired and cynical and full of self-doubt and knocked about by the world. I'm not sure that I've ever felt that, it's always been drowned out by the feeling that I don't deserve anything much and worry that any sort of relationship would collapse before it even got started.

At this stage in my life I'll be very surprised if I ever get chance to feel it now. I guess that continuing to be on this site just shows the triumph of self-idiocy over reality.

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"I love these kinds of feelings. The excitement of a birthday or Christmas. The excitement when you message someone & they match your personality. The joy of a new message and the stupid shit-eating grin that accompanies it. Planning a meet and looking forward to it. Deciding what you’ll wear. And then when you meet & you’re hit by a rush of pheromones & chemistry. There is that spark and as you’re talking you’re anticipating that first kiss. Who will make the first move. Will the kiss end in the bedroom or will you both go home and plan another meeting, and then there’s all the memories and flashbacks that see you through.

Oh Misty.

Doing everything 100% is living isn't it? I was told today to just embrace it and go with it and in a weird way, it was a freeing permission of sorts. I'm always worried I'm a bit too much - that excited feeling comes readily, I find it hard to hide when I like someone. My very close friend tells me to be breezy, to protect my heart because I end up giving others permission to hurt me. But what's life without taking that risk?

That "capture" to me is such a magical sensation. You've found a person who speaks to you in some way. They're the best people to have in your life.

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"Too old and tired and cynical and full of self-doubt and knocked about by the world. I'm not sure that I've ever felt that, it's always been drowned out by the feeling that I don't deserve anything much and worry that any sort of relationship would collapse before it even got started.

At this stage in my life I'll be very surprised if I ever get chance to feel it now. I guess that continuing to be on this site just shows the triumph of self-idiocy over reality. "

I don't know if it's self-idiocy. It's more hope isn't it? We can have all the self doubt in the world but somewhere in our heart, there's a little bit of Hope left.

You do deserve things. Good things. Even if you don't always feel like that. Cynicism happens through experience, how we respond naturally. I'm a great believer in us finding things that make us believe again.

Sometimes I've had those fleeting feelings. Like I'm not good enough. Sometimes actions make me feel that way. But I think we can all find that NRE. Even if not in a romantic Hollywoodised version, it still exists out there.

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