FabSwingers.com forum: What's your best real excuse for being late?

By *ickshawed OP Couple
over a year ago

Wolverhampton

I don't want to hear excuses like the dog ate your homework/dildo.

What real things have happened that made you late for work or any other occasion?

So this was my brother, not me. It wasn't too far to his work so he used to walk it from home. One day he was late so ran out the house full speed. A passing off duty policeman stopped him, thinking he had just r0bbed the house. Fortunately he had his keys, as no-one else was home, but had to go get his passport and prove who he was before the guy would leave him alone. His colleagues just laughed when he eventually got to work.

How about you?

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By *linyMan
over a year ago

Manchester/London

I was driving to work one morning 0640 in London, turning into a road and a guy steps out in front of me. Waves his arms at me, as I pull away, his mate in front of him pulls a pistol from his belt. I can on driving for about 300m and call the police. It’s all on dashcam!! Police caught them in 45mins. Rang the boss and told her what happened, showed the video when I got in ha ha Always better if you’ve got evidence!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I just couldn’t be arsed coming in

And they give me two days off

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By *assy69Man
over a year ago

West Sussex and Wales

Sorry I’m late, I’ve just been run over by a 7.5 tonne delivery lorry

Yes, it happened, and I got a call that evening asking if I’d be in next day!!!

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

I was on my way for drinks with someone I'd met at a couple of socials. Really excited, dressed up, on the train and raring to go.

And then the train started tooting its horn. Does a train toot or honk? Or blare? Who knows.

Next thing I know, there was an announcement saying to make sure you're seated. And then a huge thud. A crash. My kegels went into overdrive.

We'd hit a bull.

Cue me spending almost two hours 10 minutes away from my destination as they fixed it. Ended up cancelling and just going back home and having a bottle of wine.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I was on my way for drinks with someone I'd met at a couple of socials. Really excited, dressed up, on the train and raring to go.

And then the train started tooting its horn. Does a train toot or honk? Or blare? Who knows.

Next thing I know, there was an announcement saying to make sure you're seated. And then a huge thud. A crash. My kegels went into overdrive.

We'd hit a bull.

Cue me spending almost two hours 10 minutes away from my destination as they fixed it. Ended up cancelling and just going back home and having a bottle of wine."

It wasn't a Fab bull was it..?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Squirrel stole my breakfast burrito

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I was on my way for drinks with someone I'd met at a couple of socials. Really excited, dressed up, on the train and raring to go.

And then the train started tooting its horn. Does a train toot or honk? Or blare? Who knows.

Next thing I know, there was an announcement saying to make sure you're seated. And then a huge thud. A crash. My kegels went into overdrive.

We'd hit a bull.

Cue me spending almost two hours 10 minutes away from my destination as they fixed it. Ended up cancelling and just going back home and having a bottle of wine.

It wasn't a Fab bull was it..?

*I must resist the dark jokes*

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

"I was on my way for drinks with someone I'd met at a couple of socials. Really excited, dressed up, on the train and raring to go.

And then the train started tooting its horn. Does a train toot or honk? Or blare? Who knows.

Next thing I know, there was an announcement saying to make sure you're seated. And then a huge thud. A crash. My kegels went into overdrive.

We'd hit a bull.

Cue me spending almost two hours 10 minutes away from my destination as they fixed it. Ended up cancelling and just going back home and having a bottle of wine.

It wasn't a Fab bull was it..?

I'm going to be on my best behaviour and not type what I want to. No, it wasn't.

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By *iddlesticksMan
over a year ago

My nan’s spare room.

"I was on my way for drinks with someone I'd met at a couple of socials. Really excited, dressed up, on the train and raring to go.

And then the train started tooting its horn. Does a train toot or honk? Or blare? Who knows.

Next thing I know, there was an announcement saying to make sure you're seated. And then a huge thud. A crash. My kegels went into overdrive.

We'd hit a bull.

Cue me spending almost two hours 10 minutes away from my destination as they fixed it. Ended up cancelling and just going back home and having a bottle of wine.

It wasn't a Fab bull was it..?

I'm going to be on my best behaviour and not type what I want to. No, it wasn't.

I’d imagine trains toot approaching Tooting Broadway.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I was on my way for drinks with someone I'd met at a couple of socials. Really excited, dressed up, on the train and raring to go.

And then the train started tooting its horn. Does a train toot or honk? Or blare? Who knows.

Next thing I know, there was an announcement saying to make sure you're seated. And then a huge thud. A crash. My kegels went into overdrive.

We'd hit a bull.

Cue me spending almost two hours 10 minutes away from my destination as they fixed it. Ended up cancelling and just going back home and having a bottle of wine.

It wasn't a Fab bull was it..?

I'm going to be on my best behaviour and not type what I want to. No, it wasn't.

You're being very good today

. I really should behave better myself

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I was on my way for drinks with someone I'd met at a couple of socials. Really excited, dressed up, on the train and raring to go.

And then the train started tooting its horn. Does a train toot or honk? Or blare? Who knows.

Next thing I know, there was an announcement saying to make sure you're seated. And then a huge thud. A crash. My kegels went into overdrive.

We'd hit a bull.

Cue me spending almost two hours 10 minutes away from my destination as they fixed it. Ended up cancelling and just going back home and having a bottle of wine.

It wasn't a Fab bull was it..?

*I must resist the dark jokes*

I can sense your fingers hovering over the keypad....be good

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By *hawn ScottMan
over a year ago

london Brixton

I'm never late, I work on military time. 9am really mean 850am

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By *eneralKenobiMan
over a year ago

North Angus

Nothing exciting but 3 sheep got out a field and I spent half an hour chasing them and throwing them back over the fence

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By *ucka39Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

Traffic seems to be the easier one far too many vehicles on the road then traffic lights road works it's authentic

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Phoned work from hospital after a bizarre but life threatening accident. They didn't believe me until I asked one of the nurses to confirm.

It was 1st April but still...

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By *astandtheCurious2Couple
over a year ago

letchworth

This was in my uni days and had been out all weekend.

Got on the bus at Archway going to see a friend at East Finchley, next thing I know I’m being woken up at the end of the line. Got on the next bus back, fell asleep again and woke up back at Archway

……..gave up and went home

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By *iddlesticksMan
over a year ago

My nan’s spare room.

Way way back I was late for work because I’d gone into town about 10miles away pulled a girl and spent the night at hers.

When I got to work, I fessed up

Sorry I’m late boss I pulled a girl last night and was shagging at her place.

The old perv said not a problem as long as I told him all about it.

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By *aggonerMan
over a year ago

for a penny

"This was in my uni days and had been out all weekend.

……..gave up and went home "

At least you got some sleep in.

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By *ily WhiteWoman
over a year ago

One of the wheels came off of my car and went rolling down the motorway on it's own

Bit of a twitchy bum moment when that happens

I phoned the police and RAC first, then my then manager, who was his usual arsehole self and started shouting and bawling at me. I advised him to go and pleasure himself with something large and spiky

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Never needed one. I'm never late

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Stopped at petrol station, filled up, paid and went to get back on the car to see it riding off down the street!!

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By *aleakalaMan
over a year ago

various

"I'm never late, I work on military time. 9am really mean 850am"

Heard that phrase before but I was always under the impression that time on target meant early was as bad as late.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In my old job I walked in 10 mins late and when asked why I responded with "shagging the wife" I got a high five and "fair one" it was 0530 ish

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By *acktopervMan
over a year ago

Stourport-On-Severn

About 40 years ago i was working as a salesman for a company in Leeds. I had been to a customer in Sheffield and had just got back onto the M1 at 12.30am to drive home, the silencer fell off of the exhaust. I carried on driving back to Leeds, parked the car(it must have woke everyone up)and went to bed. Obviously i couldn't drive to the office in the morning and rang to explain. Within 10mins the MD was at my flat demanding to know why the fuck i was't in work. He didn't believe me until i started the car up. Then started blaming me for not maintaing it, until i pointed out it was his companies car and they maintain it.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

The plane's engine had frozen, which meant I missed my connecting flight.

Two and a half extra days in transit

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By *ickshawed OP Couple
over a year ago

Wolverhampton

"I was driving to work one morning 0640 in London, turning into a road and a guy steps out in front of me. Waves his arms at me, as I pull away, his mate in front of him pulls a pistol from his belt. I can on driving for about 300m and call the police. It’s all on dashcam!! Police caught them in 45mins. Rang the boss and told her what happened, showed the video when I got in ha ha Always better if you’ve got evidence! "

Sounds scary. Pretty good excuse for tardiness though

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By *ickshawed OP Couple
over a year ago

Wolverhampton

"Sorry I’m late, I’ve just been run over by a 7.5 tonne delivery lorry

Yes, it happened, and I got a call that evening asking if I’d be in next day!!!"

Ouch! I take it you politely told them you wouldn't be working the next day

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

"I don't want to hear excuses like the dog ate your homework/dildo.

What real things have happened that made you late for work or any other occasion?

How about you?

Sorry I couldn't make that work meeting. I died.

*true story!

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By *otsossieMan
over a year ago

Chesterfield

Somebody wrote my car off with me in it.

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By *ickshawed OP Couple
over a year ago

Wolverhampton

"Nothing exciting but 3 sheep got out a field and I spent half an hour chasing them and throwing them back over the fence "

I would consider that fairly exciting. I now have an image of you looking all manly with a sheep tucked under each arm. And no top on. Is it getting hot in here?

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By *eneralKenobiMan
over a year ago

North Angus

"Nothing exciting but 3 sheep got out a field and I spent half an hour chasing them and throwing them back over the fence

I would consider that fairly exciting. I now have an image of you looking all manly with a sheep tucked under each arm. And no top on. Is it getting hot in here?

I shall let you keep that image and not detail the actual events

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By *educing_EmCouple
over a year ago

Tipperary

Winter time,kids were causing chaos which meant I was rushing like a mad woman so as not to be late. Had an evening shift so it was quite dark.

There I was power walking down the path with a big red face on me when I heard a crunch under my foot. I looked down and I shit you not the whole path for as far as I could see was covered in shelleky pookie's .I just stood there for a second feeling guilty for killing one and thinking what the actual fuck is going on . It took me forever trying to tip toe through them all with the torch on my phone

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By *TG3Man
over a year ago

Dorchester

My shoe laces came undone i tripped knocked myself out was taken to accident and emergency by the time i came round i had temporary amnesia from the trauma and absolutely forgot about the meet who i was mesting etc and to this day don't recall a thing..... Sorry if it was you

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By *assy69Man
over a year ago

West Sussex and Wales

"Sorry I’m late, I’ve just been run over by a 7.5 tonne delivery lorry

Yes, it happened, and I got a call that evening asking if I’d be in next day!!!

Ouch! I take it you politely told them you wouldn't be working the next day

I don’t think polite would be accurate

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By *rder66Man
over a year ago

Tatooine

I was late to work by 5 weeks because of the infomation I got from someone I worked with, I won't tell you what happened but I did a hugh bonus for it, to keep my mouth shut as well.

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By *ulieAndBeefCouple
over a year ago

Manchester-ish

My girlfriend* at the time forgot to pick up her work ID so I drove to Birmingham to get it to her so she didn't miss the flight and get sacked.

*now my wife

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By *TG3Man
over a year ago

Dorchester

"My girlfriend* at the time forgot to pick up her work ID so I drove to Birmingham to get it to her so she didn't miss the flight and get sacked.

*now my wife

"
awwww so romantic and you'd do it again today wouldn't you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My shoes got caught on escalator and now it talks when I walk. Had I worn my crocs we’d need a new escalator

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry I had van trouble

What was the problem with the van

I wasn't in it

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By *ulieAndBeefCouple
over a year ago

Manchester-ish

"My girlfriend* at the time forgot to pick up her work ID so I drove to Birmingham to get it to her so she didn't miss the flight and get sacked.

*now my wife

awwww so romantic and you'd do it again today wouldn't you

Well these days she can walk home and get it herself, but if the situation was the same...

maybe

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By *ickshawed OP Couple
over a year ago

Wolverhampton

"Phoned work from hospital after a bizarre but life threatening accident. They didn't believe me until I asked one of the nurses to confirm.

It was 1st April but still..."

Rotten timing on your part really

I worry every year that something serious will happen on 1st April and no-one will think it's real.

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By *TG3Man
over a year ago

Dorchester

"My girlfriend* at the time forgot to pick up her work ID so I drove to Birmingham to get it to her so she didn't miss the flight and get sacked.

*now my wife

awwww so romantic and you'd do it again today wouldn't you

Well these days she can walk home and get it herself, but if the situation was the same...

maybe

"
lol knew it

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By *ickshawed OP Couple
over a year ago

Wolverhampton

"This was in my uni days and had been out all weekend.

……..gave up and went home "

You sound like my husband. He fell asleep on the train on his way back from work a few years ago. Luckily woke up not too far away, as it was the London train. But he got off in the middle of nowhere and I got a hilarious answer phone message. He walked for a while and eventually found a bus. He was rather late home that day

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By *ickshawed OP Couple
over a year ago

Wolverhampton

"Way way back I was late for work because I’d gone into town about 10miles away pulled a girl and spent the night at hers.

When I got to work, I fessed up

Sorry I’m late boss I pulled a girl last night and was shagging at her place.

The old perv said not a problem as long as I told him all about it.

You stud you

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By *host63Man
over a year ago

Bedfont Feltham

I just say I am late and say why. No reason to lie

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By *ornycougaWoman
over a year ago

Wherever I lay my hat

Not me but a member of my team was late for work one day. He lived in Ealing. He said he had fallen asleep on the underground after a night on the lash and ended up at the wrong end of the District Line in Dagenham so had to spend the night there. He then explained that he was late because he had to wait for the shops to open to but new undercrackers which was frankly TMI

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By *ickshawed OP Couple
over a year ago

Wolverhampton

"One of the wheels came off of my car and went rolling down the motorway on it's own

Bit of a twitchy bum moment when that happens

I bet it had a wheely good adventure

. But it sounds pretty terrifying

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By *ickshawed OP Couple
over a year ago

Wolverhampton

"Not me but a member of my team was late for work one day. He lived in Ealing. He said he had fallen asleep on the underground after a night on the lash and ended up at the wrong end of the District Line in Dagenham so had to spend the night there. He then explained that he was late because he had to wait for the shops to open to but new undercrackers which was frankly TMI

Better than him turning up with stinky pants though

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By *imbo59seMan
over a year ago

North Norfolk area

Was hosting a conference in Stockport (I lived in Surrey at the time).

Conference started with lunch, so got on the road early and had just joined the M6 when everything ground to a halt. Took me 5 hours to crawl past a tanker that had leaked its load of infected animal blood all over the road (it was the time of Foot & Mouth).

Thankfully had "hands free" in the car so could make others aware, but I was more than a bit late!!

Bloody (no pun intended) hungry by dinner time!

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