FabSwingers.com forum: Help me write the BEST EVER first message

By *ickshawed OP Couple
over a year ago

Wolverhampton

Last night my husband and I composed what I think is a near-perfect first message. But I wanted to see if it can be improved upon. So I'm opening it up to the fora. Please add a line or two, see if together we can make a message so good it's guaranteed* to get those pants dropped and those cocks dunked in lady juice in a matter of minutes.

*Not a guarantee.

Our attempt:

Hey up sexy bitch. I'm waiting for you on the bins round the back of McDonald's. Come meet me at 3 o'clock, drop those knickers and climb on. I'll give you the best 30 seconds of your life. Then you can get me a happy meal. But be gone by 10 past as that's when the next slut is due.

Now over to you

(And for those unsure, this is not an entirely serious post

)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Change bitch to biatch and that's about it

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By *edeWoman
over a year ago

the abyss

I thought 'FAF' was the complete message?

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By *ust a little bit moreWoman
over a year ago

kendal

Throw in a mcflurry (if the machine isn't broken) and that is nigh on perfection!

You'll be beating them off with a stick

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By *anchester_gentMan
over a year ago

Manchester/ Cheshire border

Don’t forget to ask for either face pics or a friend invite too….!

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By *ebootCouple
over a year ago

Telford

"Last night my husband and I composed what I think is a near-perfect first message. But I wanted to see if it can be improved upon. So I'm opening it up to the fora. Please add a line or two, see if together we can make a message so good it's guaranteed* to get those pants dropped and those cocks dunked in lady juice in a matter of minutes.

*Not a guarantee.

Our attempt:

Now over to you

(And for those unsure, this is not an entirely serious post

Spelling and punctuation is far too good to be taken seriously

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I thought 'FAF' was the complete message?

FAF?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The only thing that concerns me is that he's waiting "on" the bins.

There's climbing involved?

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

Could we make it KFC?

Finger Licking Good and all that.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I feel strongly that the word "hun" must be included in any decent message. Preferably more than once.

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By *ulieAndBeefCouple
over a year ago

Manchester-ish

*Not a guarantee.

Our attempt:

Now over to you

(And for those unsure, this is not an entirely serious post

That works. Nugs or a burger?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Need converted to text speak

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yeah not bad. I’d go on the lines off

Hey sexy ass

Damn you’re looking fine as fuck. Bet u wanna my hard cock is your tight pussy babe. Get your ass over to mine right now so I can slide it in u like I’m siding in yo dms beatch. Then after I gave you my nice cream pie we,ll go for maccies for another tasty treaty. Cya round slut. Hope you like the pic I send ya

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'll Be wearing jogging bottoms and have a cap on so you can recognise me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I quite like it. I’d probably reply

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By *uitednbooted2Man
over a year ago

Berkshire

No one is going to think that’s real at all because you have not used the word “Bro” or “innit” anywhere in the message

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By *TG3Man
over a year ago

Dorchester

*Not a guarantee.

Our attempt:

Now over to you

(And for those unsure, this is not an entirely serious post

)"
And if you don't have the best 30 seconds of your life and want a rematch my names not picard

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By *ber7Man
over a year ago

Aberystwyth

Perfect, is it ok to "borrow" the text?

I might have to amend it a little, the road goes right round my nearest McDonald's...the bins have no privacy.

Lol ??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

From a Tgirl perspective, I think this is the 'best' possible message I could get:

"Im straight but your really hot I live in Plymouth an your in Glasgow but Ill totally come up to fuck you

I love sissies like you your hotter than half the women Ive fucked bet u hav a nice cock

On a meet Im always d*unk an on snow it makes me soft but im sure I cud thum it in

Married she doesnt no shes to busy working as a GP an I dont work never have an I get bord am supposed to be looking after our baby but nan just deals with her

In addition to not giving a toss about my wife kid or bein a functional member of society Im thick AF and riddled with genital warts cos I neva use condoms init just bein honest

Dont do clubs cos scared u hav to pay for hotel

If u dont reply your a timewaster haha

Hit me back just to chat truly yours Im the man this is stan

Luv from Jeremy Hunt

Ps. You a man or a woman?"

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By *ickshawed OP Couple
over a year ago

Wolverhampton

"The only thing that concerns me is that he's waiting "on" the bins.

There's climbing involved?

Should I offer to provide a ladder do you think?

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By *ickshawed OP Couple
over a year ago

Wolverhampton

"Perfect, is it ok to "borrow" the text?

I might have to amend it a little, the road goes right round my nearest McDonald's...the bins have no privacy.

Lol ??"

Please do

Let us know how you get on won't you?

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By *ickshawed OP Couple
over a year ago

Wolverhampton

"No one is going to think that’s real at all because you have not used the word “Bro” or “innit” anywhere in the message "

Damn, I'll have to try and work that in somewhere.

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By *ickshawed OP Couple
over a year ago

Wolverhampton

"I quite like it. I’d probably reply

With a block, or in a positive way?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The only thing that concerns me is that he's waiting "on" the bins.

There's climbing involved?

Should I offer to provide a ladder do you think? "

I mean I'd be ok, long legs, but a ladder could be useful to some.

Also what position is this happening in? I'm guessing he's just sat on top of the bin?

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By *ickshawed OP Couple
over a year ago

Wolverhampton

"I'll Be wearing jogging bottoms and have a cap on so you can recognise me"

Good thinking. It would be awful for the lady to end up on the wrong cock if she picked the wrong bin.

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By *ickshawed OP Couple
over a year ago

Wolverhampton

"Yeah not bad. I’d go on the lines off

Hey sexy ass

A classic

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By *ickshawed OP Couple
over a year ago

Wolverhampton

"Need converted to text speak "

I'll check Google translate, see if that can do it for me

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By *r-8-BBCMan
over a year ago

LONDON

*Not a guarantee.

Our attempt:

Now over to you

(And for those unsure, this is not an entirely serious post

Only 30s ?

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By *ickshawed OP Couple
over a year ago

Wolverhampton

"Change bitch to biatch and that's about it"

You've done this before

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By *hePerkyPumpkinTV/TS
over a year ago

Bristol

This is all wrong.

You're spelling and grammar is too good.

You've wrote an actual paragraph.

Far too much effort has been put in to this.

A simple - u now??

Would do it

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By *ecretRDZVMan
over a year ago

Glasgow

To be honest, if I sent someone that and they didn’t find it absolutely hilarious, I don’t need that kind of negativity in my life anyway so fuck ‘em. Seems a good way to filter out squares

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By *agneto.Man
over a year ago

Bham

Think you need to add your balls are full of cum and that you've got a heavy load waiting for her.

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By *hePerkyPumpkinTV/TS
over a year ago

Bristol

"This is all wrong.

You're spelling and grammar is too good.

You've wrote an actual paragraph.

Far too much effort has been put in to this.

A simple - u now??

Would do it

*Your (I know)

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By *uliette500Woman
over a year ago

Hull

"I feel strongly that the word "hun" must be included in any decent message. Preferably more than once."

I'm sorry, it might be controversial but I disagree, "Babe" is better. I just love being named after a movie star pig.

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By *ecretRDZVMan
over a year ago

Glasgow

"Think you need to add your balls are full of cum and that you've got a heavy load waiting for her. "

Sex piss. Balls are full of sex piss

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By *ucka39Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

Change the climb on you and best 30 seconds to lick you for hours for a happy meal and a dip of your choice

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By *heExcommMan
over a year ago

Llantrisant

*Not a guarantee.

Our attempt:

Now over to you

(And for those unsure, this is not an entirely serious post

Don't forget to attach a pic of a limp penis

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

AH AH AH AH AH

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By *ickshawed OP Couple
over a year ago

Wolverhampton

"Think you need to add your balls are full of cum and that you've got a heavy load waiting for her. "

Do I need to specify how heavy?

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By *ickshawed OP Couple
over a year ago

Wolverhampton

"Think you need to add your balls are full of cum and that you've got a heavy load waiting for her.

Sex piss. Balls are full of sex piss"

Ooooft. That would definitely work!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

*Not a guarantee.

Our attempt:

Now over to you

(And for those unsure, this is not an entirely serious post

That’s a cracking Message

Change the wording to KFC in Colchester or the New popeyes opening shortly it’s winner

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By *coobyBoobyDooWoman
over a year ago

M1 J22

I think an opener of “wuu2 beautiful” would be an option to increase your possibility of a reply.

otherwise, good to go with the other suggestions and adjustments

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By *kpineappleCouple
over a year ago

Wimborne

"Think you need to add your balls are full of cum and that you've got a heavy load waiting for her.

Do I need to specify how heavy?"

Perhaps attach a pic of said balls on a set of kitchen scales? Dirty scales of course on a dirty kitchen surface

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yeah not bad. I’d go on the lines off

Hey sexy ass

A classic

Ikr hahha

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By *idsguySY1Man
over a year ago

shrewsbury

A limp penis photo next to a can of lynx is a must

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By *ickshawed OP Couple
over a year ago

Wolverhampton

"Think you need to add your balls are full of cum and that you've got a heavy load waiting for her.

Do I need to specify how heavy?

Perhaps attach a pic of said balls on a set of kitchen scales? Dirty scales of course on a dirty kitchen surface"

Damn, I just finished cleaning the kitchen. This will have to wait until tomorrow.

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By *ickshawed OP Couple
over a year ago

Wolverhampton

"A limp penis photo next to a can of lynx is a must "

Do men take lynx cans to McDonald's?

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By *he AmbassadorMan
over a year ago

IRLANDA. / Prague. / Cil Dara

Hey

Just read your profile,

Have to say,

BIG FAN OF YOUR WORK,

Do you want to nibble on Gingernuts by any chance?

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By *4bimMan
over a year ago

Farnborough Hampshire

My darling.

I have travelled far and wide, seen the most exotic wonders, walked into parts of the forbidden jungle but I have never seen a rare species such as yourself.

Many here have breasts, some odd shapes and weights but yours are perfectly formed. As if the finest potter as nedding clay, just the right amount of water, just right for my hands.

But darling, I am shocked further by you're hips and how they are shaped by the greatest groundskeeper for the finest fairway.

You're legs so silky, so long ,so inviting many most have tried to part them.

I'm so glad you resisted them oh lovely for it is I who must.

And wait... Oh what is this I see, a sweet lovely pussy, lips so perfect it's like the have been cut by the finest tailor making the most expensive suit.

You have been what I've been seeking, the gods demand we meet so we can save all humanity by making love to each other.

But deepest love. I have one question.

A question which I need you to look into your heart and answer truthfully for it will make our time together a more joyous event the likes never seen before.

Do you do anal?

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By *ickshawed OP Couple
over a year ago

Wolverhampton

"I feel strongly that the word "hun" must be included in any decent message. Preferably more than once.

I'm sorry, it might be controversial but I disagree, "Babe" is better. I just love being named after a movie star pig. "

Maybe this can be regionally specific? I think biatch works best in the Midlands.

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By *kpineappleCouple
over a year ago

Wimborne

"A limp penis photo next to a can of lynx is a must

Do men take lynx cans to McDonald's? "

I wonder if next to a McDonald’s drink cup would have the same impact?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My darling.

I have travelled far and wide, seen the most exotic wonders, walked into parts of the forbidden jungle but I have never seen a rare species such as yourself.

Many here have breasts, some odd shapes and weights but yours are perfectly formed. As if the finest potter as nedding clay, just the right amount of water, just right for my hands.

But darling, I am shocked further by you're hips and how they are shaped by the greatest groundskeeper for the finest fairway.

You're legs so silky, so long ,so inviting many most have tried to part them.

I'm so glad you resisted them oh lovely for it is I who must.

And wait... Oh what is this I see, a sweet lovely pussy, lips so perfect it's like the have been cut by the finest tailor making the most expensive suit.

You have been what I've been seeking, the gods demand we meet so we can save all humanity by making love to each other.

But deepest love. I have one question.

A question which I need you to look into your heart and answer truthfully for it will make our time together a more joyous event the likes never seen before.

Do you do anal?"

Oh dear sweetheart.

Yes, yes, a thousand times yes! But if you want to put your thing in my ring, I'm gonna need a ring on my fing.

So, before these total randos on this sex site, will you marry me?

Dust the Cheetos crumbs from my finger and place that ring, and you can have my sweet ass twice a year like so many monogamous couples.

Love,

Theresa May xx

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By *ickshawed OP Couple
over a year ago

Wolverhampton

"I thought 'FAF' was the complete message?

It is elegant in its simplicity

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By *ickshawed OP Couple
over a year ago

Wolverhampton

"From a Tgirl perspective, I think this is the 'best' possible message I could get:

"Im straight but your really hot I live in Plymouth an your in Glasgow but Ill totally come up to fuck you

I love sissies like you your hotter than half the women Ive fucked bet u hav a nice cock

On a meet Im always d*unk an on snow it makes me soft but im sure I cud thum it in

Married she doesnt no shes to busy working as a GP an I dont work never have an I get bord am supposed to be looking after our baby but nan just deals with her

In addition to not giving a toss about my wife kid or bein a functional member of society Im thick AF and riddled with genital warts cos I neva use condoms init just bein honest

Dont do clubs cos scared u hav to pay for hotel

If u dont reply your a timewaster haha

Hit me back just to chat truly yours Im the man this is stan

Luv from Jeremy Hunt

Ps. You a man or a woman?""

Thank you for this. Now I know what to say next time I message JennieTV

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By *enrietteandSamCouple
over a year ago

Staffordshire

I just think you’re really childish.

Grow up for gods sake

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

It's a weaker effort, without insistence on copious volumes of wank fodder up front

Hunni, send us more vag pics, so know U aint fake. Use Ur toys, fully, U stretched. Give us Ur numba, I'll call n direct ya.

No jonnies later, youll enjoy it better darlin. Will have my work balaclava on. All the birds tell me I look better than me pics.

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By *ickshawed OP Couple
over a year ago

Wolverhampton

"I just think you’re really childish.

Grow up for gods sake

Should I have let you keep the toy from the happy meal?

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By *enrietteandSamCouple
over a year ago

Staffordshire

"I just think you’re really childish.

Grow up for gods sake

Should I have let you keep the toy from the happy meal? "

You just keep acting the clown.

We’ve got beef you and I

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By *odgerMooreMan
over a year ago

Nowhere

*Not a guarantee.

Our attempt:

Now over to you

(And for those unsure, this is not an entirely serious post

Thats a copy & paste of my first to you!! You edited the bit about videoing a seagull picking chips out your arse crack but the rest is the same!!!!

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By *C79Man
over a year ago

Caterham

Don't forget to add a picture of your dick next to a remote control or a can of monster

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just cum to Ireland lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Don't forget to add a picture of your dick next to a remote control or a can of monster"

Or the can of lynx

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By *partharmonyCouple
over a year ago

Ruislip

Add "No time wasters".

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

*Not a guarantee.

Our attempt:

Now over to you

(And for those unsure, this is not an entirely serious post

)"
You have to add a 10 piece chicken nugget.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Mine would be more.

I'm running a bath but I'm missing my rubber ducky. How about you cover my privates instead you saucy minx? Not to say you look like a duck, guess it just rhymes with a word that I would love...oh forget it I've jizzed already.

Maybe in an hour or so?

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

Sounds perfect apart from the bitch bit. I’ve found it’s frowned upon and women generally prefer to be referred to as “ sugar tits “.

The mr

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Mine would be more.

Maybe in an hour or so?"

Update I tried both last night on 'online women', 5 messages each.

Not one message back...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Throw in a mcflurry (if the machine isn't broken) and that is nigh on perfection!

You'll be beating them off with a stick "

Now you’re talking lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I just think you’re really childish.

Grow up for gods sake

Should I have let you keep the toy from the happy meal?

You just keep acting the clown.

We’ve got beef you and I

Hehe I didn’t think there was any real beef in a Maccy D lol

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