FabSwingers.com forum: Is sexuality outdated?

By *aui. OP Man
over a year ago

around here

Seriously though is it? I mean does it even matter?

I've just seen a post asking about straight guys, and what they would do with another guy or ts etc and it got me thinking.

On joining fab you need to select a sexuality. I think there are 4 to choose from. 20 years ago, that would have been plenty. But now even in my group of friends I can see many different identities. And after a quick Google I discovered countless more that I have never even heard of.

We've all heard of 'fab straight' and there is definitely a stigma around that. I also have other friends who for fab purposes are Bisexual, even though that doesn't really fully describe them. Personally I believe that sexuality doesn't matter at all. People are what they are, and they like what they like, and to hell with anyone else. According to Google that makes me a Pomosexual. I know right, I'd never heard of it either.

So what do you think? I know there are strong arguments on both sides. I know some fought hard for their label and are proud to display it. I know others want the whole world to know they are straight. But does it matter?

There you go, a window into the ramblings of my mind on a Monday morning.

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By *heExcommMan
over a year ago

Llantrisant

So there is definitely a difference between hedonism and sexuality.

With hedonism, it's anything for the pleasure. Male, female, TV/TS, non-binary, gender fluid, as long as its for pleasure, it doesn't matter.

Whereas with bisexuality and the like, there has to be attraction. For instance, with me, I am romantically and sexually attracted to women, but only sexually attracted to men. I've tried relationships with men and they just don't fulfil on an emotional level.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sexuality is important for being able to know who you can or can’t message on here.

I think there is currently a misplaced notion that there’s “no such thing as straight” but in reality the vast majority of people are exactly that.

How come you never hear anyone say “there’s no such thing as gay. Everyone is on the spectrum” ?

Im cool with people labelling themselves as whatever they want. But I’m not cool with imposing rules onto others about whether they can or can’t define themselves as something.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd never say it's outdated but as to way race, sex, sexual orientation and religion are on application forms is beyond me.

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

Personally there is so many labels now I loose track why I can't I just be a woman that likes enjoying other woman I'm not sure, I'm not bisexual I've never or wouldn't ever have a relationship with a woman I just enjoy the sex.

Why I need to label that I don't know, after being confused by many labels and looking into it I'm a mix of pan/hetro flexible but again I hate using them terms.

I'm just a woman that likes to appreciate another woman's body.

Mrs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Sexuality is important for being able to know who you can or can’t message on here.

I think there is currently a misplaced notion that there’s “no such thing as straight” but in reality the vast majority of people are exactly that.

How come you never hear anyone say “there’s no such thing as gay. Everyone is on the spectrum” ?

Im cool with people labelling themselves as whatever they want. But I’m not cool with imposing rules onto others about whether they can or can’t define themselves as something."

Just to clarify incase my post sounded too harsh. I think all sexualities should be accepted. Saying “sexuality is out dated” or implying that it doesn’t exist is not good for anyone.

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By *heExcommMan
over a year ago

Llantrisant

My only gripe is people who refuse to meet with bi men but love bi women. And these are often couples or single women. Now, if they have good reason why, I get it. But if you meet bi women, but meet single men, why not bi men?

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By *aui. OP Man
over a year ago

around here

"So there is definitely a difference between hedonism and sexuality.

With hedonism, it's anything for the pleasure. Male, female, TV/TS, non-binary, gender fluid, as long as its for pleasure, it doesn't matter.

Ok yeah, that's interesting. I'm guessing there will be many different opinions, i definitely understand where youre coming from though. Let's face it sexuality is a very personal thing. It's just something I was musing on this morning

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

I'm not a fan of labels, because I'm not a fan of putting people in boxes, and that seems to me to be what labels do. There aren't enough labels to cover every nuance, anyway. And yet I think there are far too many.

I've always thought of sexuality as a sliding scale, with most people finding themselves somewhere along it. Or moving along it depending on whatever factors are affecting them at the time. But that's not popular with some people who feel they're "100% straight or gay".

So I don't think labelling sexuality is outdated, but I do think that labels don't work for everyone, regardless of how many new ones are created. Mine would just be "Poshsexual", because my sexuality is unique to me (and not a static thing).

However, if people want a label, rock on. Go for it and fill your boots.

(And on here, I think you should be able to not choose a sexuality label)

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By *aui. OP Man
over a year ago

around here

"Sexuality is important for being able to know who you can or can’t message on here.

I think there is currently a misplaced notion that there’s “no such thing as straight” but in reality the vast majority of people are exactly that.

How come you never hear anyone say “there’s no such thing as gay. Everyone is on the spectrum” ?

Im cool with people labelling themselves as whatever they want. But I’m not cool with imposing rules onto others about whether they can or can’t define themselves as something.

Just to clarify incase my post sounded too harsh. I think all sexualities should be accepted. Saying “sexuality is out dated” or implying that it doesn’t exist is not good for anyone."

I totally understand what you meant. It's a decisive subject, I get that. Like I say I was looking for opinions as its something on my mind this morning.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My only gripe is people who refuse to meet with bi men but love bi women. And these are often couples or single women. Now, if they have good reason why, I get it. But if you meet bi women, but meet single men, why not bi men? "

I meet bi women but I don't meet bi men. I don't have to give a reason for that to anyone..

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By *alcon43Woman
over a year ago

Paisley

It’s a useful filter for sites like this but if I was at a club or a night out and found someone attractive I’m sure I’d find out if they felt the same without asking them their sexuality.

I’m attracted to people who can stimulate my mind and body.

There should be more options on here to help likeminded people find each other.

It’s an interesting topic.

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By *heExcommMan
over a year ago

Llantrisant

I meet bi women but I don't meet bi men. I don't have to give a reason for that to anyone.."

You don't but it dies still make us wonder as to why

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By *aui. OP Man
over a year ago

around here

"I'm not a fan of labels, because I'm not a fan of putting people in boxes, and that seems to me to be what labels do. There aren't enough labels to cover every nuance, anyway. And yet I think there are far too many.

However, if people want a label, rock on. Go for it and fill your boots.

(And on here, I think you should be able to not choose a sexuality label)"

I definitely agree with having the ability to abstain from choosing or labeling yourself if you so wish.

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By *heExcommMan
over a year ago

Llantrisant

*does

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I find labels limiting. You're expected to stick within the definition of that label.

Especially on fab. I've got bisexual just to show I like men and women equally and nothing else but it doesn't show that I like transgender or non binary so its pretty rubbish really.

But in fairness being able to only tick one box if all were listed wouldn't work either.

And think we can all have traits of other labels too.

Like a bisexual could also be into transgender, be a sapiosexual and so on. I know I'd have to tick a few off.

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By *cottish guy 555Man
over a year ago

London

An interesting question and maybe one for fab to consider when possibly updating their options.

Incidentally, I just googled pomosexual. It seems clear on being unclear and just not wishing to label anything.

How was your cigar on Saturday?

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By *ansoffateMan
over a year ago

Sagittarius A

I agree on one level labels are approximations anyway: they mean different things to different people.

But they can be useful also, certainly in initial conversations. E.g. I have probably had around pfft 100 conversations since starting 'dating' again. All querying how my sexual attraction develops. It gets boring, so I say I am demisexual, which is the closest approximation. Once they get that, then we can get to the finer details.

I have few inhibitions and they lessen the more turned on I get. Most things a plausible at that point.

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By *aui. OP Man
over a year ago

around here

"An interesting question and maybe one for fab to consider when possibly updating their options.

Incidentally, I just googled pomosexual. It seems clear on being unclear and just not wishing to label anything.

How was your cigar on Saturday?

Haha, it was very nice thanks. I don't often partake so it's all the more pleasurable when I do.

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"I agree on one level labels are approximations anyway: they mean different things to different people.

I have few inhibitions and they lessen the more turned on I get. Most things a plausible at that point."

See, demisexual means nothing to me, because I haven't ever looked into what any of the labels past heterosexual, homosexual and bisexual mean.

If I were having the conversation I'd far rather just have it explained as you did in your final paragraph.

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By *obilebottomMan
over a year ago

All over

Always interesting in these sort of threads how some people fake their answers. Thankfully I have them blocked already. Also the OP asked for opinions so no need for anyone to be defensive. If no opinion best not to post anything really but if course all have the right to.

So OP my opinion is that it depends on lots of different things from naturally being inclined that way, to attraction for one specific person in that gender but not all, to curiosity, circumstances and even sadly in some case, financial needs. The main thing is to be truthful to yourself and others, be respectful and enjoy whatever feels right for you at the time of happening

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By *ansoffateMan
over a year ago

Sagittarius A

"I agree on one level labels are approximations anyway: they mean different things to different people.

I have few inhibitions and they lessen the more turned on I get. Most things a plausible at that point.

See, demisexual means nothing to me, because I haven't ever looked into what any of the labels past heterosexual, homosexual and bisexual mean.

If I were having the conversation I'd far rather just have it explained as you did in your final paragraph."

I'm sure for you, I'd be happy to take the time.

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"I agree on one level labels are approximations anyway: they mean different things to different people.

I have few inhibitions and they lessen the more turned on I get. Most things a plausible at that point.

See, demisexual means nothing to me, because I haven't ever looked into what any of the labels past heterosexual, homosexual and bisexual mean.

If I were having the conversation I'd far rather just have it explained as you did in your final paragraph.

I'm sure for you, I'd be happy to take the time."

Thank you

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By *nkyCplCouple
over a year ago

Northampton

Everyone needs a label these days.

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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago

Calderdale innit

"Sexuality is important for being able to know who you can or can’t message on here.

I think there is currently a misplaced notion that there’s “no such thing as straight” but in reality the vast majority of people are exactly that.

How come you never hear anyone say “there’s no such thing as gay. Everyone is on the spectrum” ?

Im cool with people labelling themselves as whatever they want. But I’m not cool with imposing rules onto others about whether they can or can’t define themselves as something."

I do have to agree with this

Its important people are upfront ,there are lots of men and women who don't think theyre bi if they reguarly play with the same sex.

If i met a couple with my partner & the lady had said she was straight,i wouldn't then expect her to want fem play.

Maybe the options do need changing and there could be a bi playful option or similar.

People do query as a women that. I am straight.When i've chatted to couples on my joint profile we've had them ask will she kiss my wife or play with her,even when its been made clear I'm straight.

Its not helped bu those who claim to be bi to put on shows for men i don't think.

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By *ansoffateMan
over a year ago

Sagittarius A

"I agree on one level labels are approximations anyway: they mean different things to different people.

I have few inhibitions and they lessen the more turned on I get. Most things a plausible at that point.

See, demisexual means nothing to me, because I haven't ever looked into what any of the labels past heterosexual, homosexual and bisexual mean.

If I were having the conversation I'd far rather just have it explained as you did in your final paragraph.

I'm sure for you, I'd be happy to take the time.

Thank you

Can I get you a drink?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I meet bi women but I don't meet bi men. I don't have to give a reason for that to anyone..

You don't but it dies still make us wonder as to why"

Because men having sex with men are at higher risk of carrying HIV ..

You asked ...there is your answer...

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"I agree on one level labels are approximations anyway: they mean different things to different people.

I have few inhibitions and they lessen the more turned on I get. Most things a plausible at that point.

See, demisexual means nothing to me, because I haven't ever looked into what any of the labels past heterosexual, homosexual and bisexual mean.

If I were having the conversation I'd far rather just have it explained as you did in your final paragraph.

I'm sure for you, I'd be happy to take the time.

Thank you

Can I get you a drink?

I like coffee

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By *heExcommMan
over a year ago

Llantrisant

I meet bi women but I don't meet bi men. I don't have to give a reason for that to anyone..

You don't but it dies still make us wonder as to why

Because men having sex with men are at higher risk of carrying HIV ..

You asked ...there is your answer..."

And thats why we wear condoms? I should also add that it is now more common for Heterosexuals to have HIV/AIDS than Homo/bisexual men, so that view is very outdated and quite frankly homo/biphobic

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I meet bi women but I don't meet bi men. I don't have to give a reason for that to anyone..

You don't but it dies still make us wonder as to why

Because men having sex with men are at higher risk of carrying HIV ..

You asked ...there is your answer..."

Incorrect. Rates of both are much higher among straight people, and the highest rates worldwide are in countries where homosexuality is both illegal and socially unacceptable.

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By *uffolkcouple-bi onlyCouple
over a year ago

West Suffolk

We only meet bi men lol

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By *uffolkcouple-bi onlyCouple
over a year ago

West Suffolk

I meet bi women but I don't meet bi men. I don't have to give a reason for that to anyone..

You don't but it dies still make us wonder as to why

Because men having sex with men are at higher risk of carrying HIV ..

You asked ...there is your answer..."

Only the ones that BB

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By *ecretRDZVMan
over a year ago

Glasgow

"People are what they are, and they like what they like, and to hell with anyone else. "

I completely agree with this but I don’t think that makes sexuality outdated, it’s just no one’s business unless you’re having sex.

Fact is, the vast majority of people are straight, if you only go your own way that’s gay, and if you swing both ways you’re bi. There’s really no need for any other descriptions, but ultimately, it’s completely irrelevant to anyone you’re not jumping into bed with.

I do think all these different labels are just about inclusivity for people who don’t quite know which camp they’re in, but why bother putting a name to it? Just experiment and come to your own conclusions.

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By *ablo minibar123Woman
over a year ago

I love labels, and can't help feeling that people that spend ages looking for loopholes to not be labelled are in a way hiding from themselves or trying to mislead others

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"I love labels, and can't help feeling that people that spend ages looking for loopholes to not be labelled are in a way hiding from themselves or trying to mislead others"

I don't understand that logic. Would the same be said of people who just don't label themselves without looking for loopholes?

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By *obilebottomMan
over a year ago

All over

[Removed by poster at 24/04/23 16:07:18]

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By *partharmonyCouple
over a year ago

Ruislip

If a woman isn't attracted to other women, isn't that important information for women who might find them attractive? If a man isn't attracted to men, isn't that important for men who might find them attractive?

Knowing what any given person is attracted to strikes me as a very important filter. I don't see why anybody would think it isn't just because we understand more about the diversity of sexual attraction.

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By *obilebottomMan
over a year ago

All over

[Removed by poster at 24/04/23 16:14:21]

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By *obilebottomMan
over a year ago

All over

Suddenly this thread taking an unsavoury direction again. Choices are all perfectly fine, outright generalised prejudices exchibited so unashamedly are rather distasteful imo. To make connections between bi people and HIV etc is so anachronistic and frankly apalling - would you care for some gloves to handle one? Really, have respect for people and a bit of shame.

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By *ablo minibar123Woman
over a year ago

"I love labels, and can't help feeling that people that spend ages looking for loopholes to not be labelled are in a way hiding from themselves or trying to mislead others

I don't understand that logic. Would the same be said of people who just don't label themselves without looking for loopholes?"

To me not so much no

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"I love labels, and can't help feeling that people that spend ages looking for loopholes to not be labelled are in a way hiding from themselves or trying to mislead others

I don't understand that logic. Would the same be said of people who just don't label themselves without looking for loopholes?

To me not so much no"

I appreciate you responding. Thanks.

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

I don't need a label because I'm not selling my sexuality to anyone.

I'm straight because I've never had sexual contact or even a sexual thought about another man.

I don't need the world to know that I'm straight. I know it and I'm very comfortable being straight especially as it's not up for discussion.

I have however over the last few years been asked to justify my sexuality by people who believe I am either afraid to explore or am narrow-minded.

This has happened through private messages when I've been told by well verified couples that I don't have options on fab and the only solution is to play bi.

I've also been challenged directly and indirectly on the forums with an "ah but" or a "what if?" attitude in regard to certain scenarios.

I also know women who have been pressured by couples in the hope that their straightness is only a temporary condition and they have a cure for it.

People have a right to label themselves or not as whatever they want.

Other people have fuck all right to persuade them otherwise.

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By *hrista BellendWoman
over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

It matters to me, to stop ladies sexually approaching me. I am straight. Simple.

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By *ellinever70Woman
over a year ago

Ayrshire

No, I don’t think it is

For the vast majority of people on here, I reckon the available choices denoting sexuality work fine.

I don't think there's a need to overcomplicate things

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By *obilebottomMan
over a year ago

All over

"I don't need a label because I'm not selling my sexuality to anyone.

I'm straight because I've never had sexual contact or even a sexual thought about another man.

I don't need the world to know that I'm straight. I know it and I'm very comfortable being straight especially as it's not up for discussion.

I have however over the last few years been asked to justify my sexuality by people who believe I am either afraid to explore or am narrow-minded.

This has happened through private messages when I've been told by well verified couples that I don't have options on fab and the only solution is to play bi.

I've also been challenged directly and indirectly on the forums with an "ah but" or a "what if?" attitude in regard to certain scenarios.

I also know women who have been pressured by couples in the hope that their straightness is only a temporary condition and they have a cure for it.

People have a right to label themselves or not as whatever they want.

Other people have fuck all right to persuade them otherwise. "

Whilst of course well written and said as nobody should apply pressure or have to justify themselves, it does miss one point. The OP implied that others want to apply a label to people because of however much or little they may have done with someone of the same or opposite sex. And I think that's fair as it should be up to the person to label themselves if they want to and not anyone else - in some respect I think you included that in your post too now I come yo think of it.