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"Agreed, so obviously she will be a single mother what will she be entitled to i.e housing, benefits, she works but earnsess that 15k, Also I'll be giving her about 500/600 a month for the kids and whatever else etc.. " When she’s calmed down enough tell her to get on a website called entitledto. It’ll help her work out what she’s entitled to from the state to keep her and your kids going | |||
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"Agreed, so obviously she will be a single mother what will she be entitled to i.e housing, benefits, she works but earnsess that 15k, Also I'll be giving her about 500/600 a month for the kids and whatever else etc.. " Go on entitledto, you’ll be able to work out what benefits she’ll be entitled to, but I doubt that’s going to be the first thing on her mind to be honest | |||
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"It is what it is , can't help who ya fall for " Should have been honest with her from the start. | |||
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"My heart breaks for her and the kids" It will be tough, but she deserves to be with someone that truly wants to be with her. Let's hope the kids don't hold grudges. | |||
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"My heart breaks for her and the kids It will be tough, but she deserves to be with someone that truly wants to be with her. Let's hope the kids don't hold grudges." Kids almost always hold grudges to some degree | |||
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"My heart breaks for her and the kids It will be tough, but she deserves to be with someone that truly wants to be with her. Let's hope the kids don't hold grudges." I agree with that 100%. Someone who at least respects her. Blimey. | |||
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"It is what it is , can't help who ya fall for " Yes you can. You are married with young kids, but have been dating another person for ages. It doesn't make it any less cheating because you haven't had sex. You have also been on here for over a year too Soon you will be making a new thread whining because your wife won't let you see your kids.. | |||
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"Agreed, so obviously she will be a single mother what will she be entitled to i.e housing, benefits, she works but earnsess that 15k, Also I'll be giving her about 500/600 a month for the kids and whatever else etc.. " If you are married the divorce process will be hard and financially challenging. The needs of the kids will be put first when it comes to housing and financial settlements. If you have marital assets then they will be split but don't assume you will get 50/50 as will depend on needs of your kids. All I can advise is be compassionate, be kind and don't drag your kids into the argument or introduce them to the other woman until everything is very settled divorce wise. Oh and don't assume the grass will be greener with this new woman once reality hits. | |||
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"Blimey, like wow. I remember the day my dad told my mum he found someone else. The damage it did to my mum is why I get off here if I get into a relationship. Hope it all works out " This is sweet. Xx | |||
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"Blimey, like wow. I remember the day my dad told my mum he found someone else. The damage it did to my mum is why I get off here if I get into a relationship. Hope it all works out This is sweet. Xx" It's the right thing to do. I don't see any other way | |||
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"Agreed, so obviously she will be a single mother what will she be entitled to i.e housing, benefits, she works but earnsess that 15k, Also I'll be giving her about 500/600 a month for the kids and whatever else etc.. " You will give her what the court or mediator say, according to your income and assets. And no, she won’t automatically be entitled to housing- why would she? If you both own the marital home then it will be sold and divided again, depending on what the court or mediators/solicitors/both of you agree on. Benefits aren’t automatic either. 500/600 a month wouldn’t have even covered my kids’ food. My calculator was more towards £2800 a month from my husband when I was thinking of divorcing him. and no, that wouldn’t even cover food or bills, despite me working part time back then… | |||
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"Well haven't physically cheated, the other woman won't till I leave her, " Think very carefully then. | |||
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"Well haven't physically cheated, the other woman won't till I leave her, " ....are you sure?? | |||
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"Well haven't physically cheated, the other woman won't till I leave her, ....are you sure??" Major warning sign for me | |||
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"Remember the grass is not always greener on the other side " The grass is generally greener where it's tended best | |||
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"Hi I've met another woman, we have Been dating for ages , time has come to leave my wife, for her, we have young kids which makes it complicated, advice? How to tell her etc " How have you been dating for a while without your wife guessing? I'd say this might not come as a big surprise to her | |||
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"Remember the grass is not always greener on the other side The grass is generally greener where it's tended best" Because it’s fertilised with bullshit | |||
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"Agreed, so obviously she will be a single mother what will she be entitled to i.e housing, benefits, she works but earnsess that 15k, Also I'll be giving her about 500/600 a month for the kids and whatever else etc.. You will give her what the court or mediator say, according to your income and assets. And no, she won’t automatically be entitled to housing- why would she? If you both own the marital home then it will be sold and divided again, depending on what the court or mediators/solicitors/both of you agree on. Benefits aren’t automatic either. 500/600 a month wouldn’t have even covered my kids’ food. My calculator was more towards £2800 a month from my husband when I was thinking of divorcing him. and no, that wouldn’t even cover food or bills, despite me working part time back then… " Exactly this, if she becomes sole carer who says she'll still be able to work the same as she does now, childcare isn't cheap and to do that solo is bloody hard, what she'll get on 'benefits' will not always cover this and they will take into account what you give her too so she may not get as much as you seem to think she will. T x | |||
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"Remember the grass is not always greener on the other side The grass is generally greener where it's tended best Because it’s fertilised with bullshit " | |||
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"Remember the grass is not always greener on the other side The grass is generally greener where it's tended best Because it’s fertilised with bullshit " Well said! | |||
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"Agreed, so obviously she will be a single mother what will she be entitled to i.e housing, benefits, she works but earnsess that 15k, Also I'll be giving her about 500/600 a month for the kids and whatever else etc.. " What you plan to pay might just cover childcare... if she's very lucky. If the house is mortgaged, she's unlikely to get any financial help towards that. In short, I hope you're able to be more financially supportive than you have been faithful. Sorry, if that sounds harsh, but benefits are rarely what people expect them to be. This is is very likely to be financially, as well as emotionally, crippling for her and the children. Nita | |||
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"Agreed, so obviously she will be a single mother what will she be entitled to i.e housing, benefits, she works but earnsess that 15k, Also I'll be giving her about 500/600 a month for the kids and whatever else etc.. " Benefits are means tested, so they will generally be cancelled out by other income (including your maintenance), there are official calculations that dictate the minimum amount of maintenance you will have to pay... especially if benefits are involved. | |||
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"Agreed, so obviously she will be a single mother what will she be entitled to i.e housing, benefits, she works but earnsess that 15k, Also I'll be giving her about 500/600 a month for the kids and whatever else etc.. Benefits are means tested, so they will generally be cancelled out by other income (including your maintenance), there are official calculations that dictate the minimum amount of maintenance you will have to pay... especially if benefits are involved. " Maintenance is exempt because its for the children. | |||
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"Agreed, so obviously she will be a single mother what will she be entitled to i.e housing, benefits, she works but earnsess that 15k, Also I'll be giving her about 500/600 a month for the kids and whatever else etc.. Benefits are means tested, so they will generally be cancelled out by other income (including your maintenance), there are official calculations that dictate the minimum amount of maintenance you will have to pay... especially if benefits are involved. Maintenance is exempt because its for the children." That has changed since I was paying it then... which is good. Cal | |||
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"Well haven't physically cheated, the other woman won't till I leave her, " I so hope this is a joke. At the very least your wife deserves the truth and someone whom will respect her | |||
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"My heart breaks for her and the kids It will be tough, but she deserves to be with someone that truly wants to be with her. Let's hope the kids don't hold grudges. Kids almost always hold grudges to some degree " I'm glad I wasnt one of those "almost always" kids. | |||
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"Hi I've met another woman, we have Been dating for ages , time has come to leave my wife, for her, we have young kids which makes it complicated, advice? How to tell her etc " Ok here is my advice for what it's worth. Ask someone to look after the children for the afternoon. Tell your wife clearly and without ambiguity that you are leaving her and why. Don't blame her or try and make excuses. I don't know if she'll be surprised or not, she might be relieved to find that her suspicions are correct, she'll probably be hurt, she might be glad. Answer any questions she has as honestly as possible again without blaming her. Be prepared for anger and hurt. Don't make idle promises and don't say things like "I love you but I'm not in love with you". When you're both ready talk through what lead to this happening because she will have many questions she needs answering and if she has answers the process will still be difficult for her but knowing is better than wondering. Whatever the outcome I hope everyone involved comes out of this with the least damage possible | |||
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"Hi I've met another woman, we have Been dating for ages , time has come to leave my wife, for her, we have young kids which makes it complicated, advice? How to tell her etc Ok here is my advice for what it's worth. Ask someone to look after the children for the afternoon. Tell your wife clearly and without ambiguity that you are leaving her and why. Don't blame her or try and make excuses. I don't know if she'll be surprised or not, she might be relieved to find that her suspicions are correct, she'll probably be hurt, she might be glad. Answer any questions she has as honestly as possible again without blaming her. Be prepared for anger and hurt. Don't make idle promises and don't say things like "I love you but I'm not in love with you". When you're both ready talk through what lead to this happening because she will have many questions she needs answering and if she has answers the process will still be difficult for her but knowing is better than wondering. Whatever the outcome I hope everyone involved comes out of this with the least damage possible " Good advice | |||
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"My heart breaks for her and the kids It will be tough, but she deserves to be with someone that truly wants to be with her. Let's hope the kids don't hold grudges. Kids almost always hold grudges to some degree I'm glad I wasnt one of those "almost always" kids. " I was. My parents (mother in particular) weaponised us children and I, being the eldest, took the brunt. I abhor her for it. My Dad was a prat but the way Mum dealt with it made everything a thousand times worse for everyone involved. Perhaps it's surprising that I do still see my Dad (who did the leaving) but have no contact with my mother. | |||
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"I don’t get the ‘other woman’ in these situations. If the man can throw away his whole family, wife and children etc for them, why on earth would they think the same thing then couldn’t happen to them. I could never live with a guy that’s walked away from a family home for me. It would not feel right. I suppose these things happen though, but it’s heartbreaking for your wife and kids. Hope it works out for you all though " I remember years ago a friend of mine was seeing a girl who was due to get married. She eventually left the guy to be with him and I said how do you know she won’t do the same to you, got the “she wouldn’t, he’s not a nice guy, we love each other etc etc” a few years later what happened? Think carefully OP you can’t go back from this. None of us know your full situation and only you can make the decision, but I’d strongly consider what caused this and whether it can be resolved before you make any decisions. Hope it works out for everyone involved. Especially the kids. | |||
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"Hi I've met another woman, we have Been dating for ages , time has come to leave my wife, for her, we have young kids which makes it complicated, advice? How to tell her etc Ok here is my advice for what it's worth. Ask someone to look after the children for the afternoon. Tell your wife clearly and without ambiguity that you are leaving her and why. Don't blame her or try and make excuses. I don't know if she'll be surprised or not, she might be relieved to find that her suspicions are correct, she'll probably be hurt, she might be glad. Answer any questions she has as honestly as possible again without blaming her. Be prepared for anger and hurt. Don't make idle promises and don't say things like "I love you but I'm not in love with you". When you're both ready talk through what lead to this happening because she will have many questions she needs answering and if she has answers the process will still be difficult for her but knowing is better than wondering. Whatever the outcome I hope everyone involved comes out of this with the least damage possible " Good advice but it assumes the wife will respond in a certain way. She could simply grab the nearest kitchen knife and attempt to stab him as soon as she's told. Not everyone is rational, thoughtful and kind. | |||
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"Hi I've met another woman, we have Been dating for ages , time has come to leave my wife, for her, we have young kids which makes it complicated, advice? How to tell her etc Ok here is my advice for what it's worth. Ask someone to look after the children for the afternoon. Tell your wife clearly and without ambiguity that you are leaving her and why. Don't blame her or try and make excuses. I don't know if she'll be surprised or not, she might be relieved to find that her suspicions are correct, she'll probably be hurt, she might be glad. Answer any questions she has as honestly as possible again without blaming her. Be prepared for anger and hurt. Don't make idle promises and don't say things like "I love you but I'm not in love with you". When you're both ready talk through what lead to this happening because she will have many questions she needs answering and if she has answers the process will still be difficult for her but knowing is better than wondering. Whatever the outcome I hope everyone involved comes out of this with the least damage possible Good advice but it assumes the wife will respond in a certain way. She could simply grab the nearest kitchen knife and attempt to stab him as soon as she's told. Not everyone is rational, thoughtful and kind." Hence me saying be prepared for anger | |||
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