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Failed jokes

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By *ixed Mister OP   Man
over a year ago

London

Off the back of a conversation with a friend of mine, where she was telling me about being asked by a guy if she thought she could touch his abs with her nose whilst having his cock in her mouth.

Which was followed up with the brilliant reply of "Yes, but only because my nose is bigger then your cock"

This he did not take it well at all and blocked her.

I'd like to hear of any failed jokes that were taken completely the wrong way, while being brilliantly funny at the same time. Hoping this brings a few laughs this evening

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By *ulieAndBeefCouple
over a year ago

Manchester-ish

That is funny. I can't think of any but this deserves a bump!

Jx

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By *ixed Mister OP   Man
over a year ago

London


"That is funny. I can't think of any but this deserves a bump!

Jx"

You're a star for saving me from 0 replies , I had a feeling it would bomb because if i hadnt of had that conversation today and someone else posted it, I'd have had nothing to add .

It made me laugh too much not to share though

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually

I quite often say things as a joke and get told I'm a rude cunt.

But it saves wasting time if they don't appreciate my sense of humour anyway

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By *ull English with teaMan
over a year ago

London

Whilst taking my FWB from behind, Instead of "Who's your daddy?" I accidentally said "How's your daddy?"

We then immediately put our clothes back on and discussed her father's cholesterol levels…

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

I was chatting to someone. Can’t remember the exact conversation and he’d said something like now your turn. I said “but I don’t have a cock”. Then added “not anymore anyway”. And he blocked me

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By *ulieAndBeefCouple
over a year ago

Manchester-ish

I do jokes that must be too subtle. Today someone messaged asking for a foot job. I replied that it wasn't my thing but I'd ask Beef if he was up for it. He replied that he only likes women's feet.

J

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By *ixed Mister OP   Man
over a year ago

London


"I quite often say things as a joke and get told I'm a rude cunt.

But it saves wasting time if they don't appreciate my sense of humour anyway "

I have a few of those moments, sometimes I look back and realise that in hindsight it wasn't as funny out in the world as it seemed in my head

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By *ixed Mister OP   Man
over a year ago

London


"Whilst taking my FWB from behind, Instead of "Who's your daddy?" I accidentally said "How's your daddy?"

We then immediately put our clothes back on and discussed her father's cholesterol levels…"

How very thoughtful of you to ask in such an intense and passionate moment.

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By *avinaTVTV/TS
over a year ago

Transsexual Transylvania


"That is funny. I can't think of any but this deserves a bump!

Jx

You're a star for saving me from 0 replies , I had a feeling it would bomb because if i hadnt of had that conversation today and someone else posted it, I'd have had nothing to add .

It made me laugh too much not to share though "

Just seen this. That's hilarious.

My sense of the ridiculous has got me an unimpressed response before, too.

In my younger days (19) I was out with a mate. He latched onto a couple of girls at the place we were at, and started putting serious effort into the one he fancied, leaving me to entertain her friend. Silence (I'm not good in person! I always feel like a clot trying to chat people up).

Then she said, "do you come here

often?".

My immediate answer, "only in the mating season".

She buggered off 2 excruciating minutes later to powder her nose. Didn't see her again.

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By *ixed Mister OP   Man
over a year ago

London


"I was chatting to someone. Can’t remember the exact conversation and he’d said something like now your turn. I said “but I don’t have a cock”. Then added “not anymore anyway”. And he blocked me "

Ermm I may need more context for this one to get a laugh, sorry Nora, I still love ya

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By *ixed Mister OP   Man
over a year ago

London


"I do jokes that must be too subtle. Today someone messaged asking for a foot job. I replied that it wasn't my thing but I'd ask Beef if he was up for it. He replied that he only likes women's feet.

J"

Should have said beef would put on some of your tights to make his more feminine.

Any other body part jobs on offer?.....asking for a lovely buddy of mine, he's delightful

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By *ixed Mister OP   Man
over a year ago

London


"That is funny. I can't think of any but this deserves a bump!

Jx

You're a star for saving me from 0 replies , I had a feeling it would bomb because if i hadnt of had that conversation today and someone else posted it, I'd have had nothing to add .

It made me laugh too much not to share though

Just seen this. That's hilarious.

My sense of the ridiculous has got me an unimpressed response before, too.

In my younger days (19) I was out with a mate. He latched onto a couple of girls at the place we were at, and started putting serious effort into the one he fancied, leaving me to entertain her friend. Silence (I'm not good in person! I always feel like a clot trying to chat people up).

Then she said, "do you come here

often?".

My immediate answer, "only in the mating season".

She buggered off 2 excruciating minutes later to powder her nose. Didn't see her again.

"

Ahh the good old trying to play tje good wing person, I've had a few of those very awkward silences when you're not really in the mood for that chat and it gets thrust upon you.

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By *ulieAndBeefCouple
over a year ago

Manchester-ish


"I do jokes that must be too subtle. Today someone messaged asking for a foot job. I replied that it wasn't my thing but I'd ask Beef if he was up for it. He replied that he only likes women's feet.

J

Should have said beef would put on some of your tights to make his more feminine.

Any other body part jobs on offer?.....asking for a lovely buddy of mine, he's delightful "

I'll ask Beef for you...

J

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By *ixed Mister OP   Man
over a year ago

London


"I do jokes that must be too subtle. Today someone messaged asking for a foot job. I replied that it wasn't my thing but I'd ask Beef if he was up for it. He replied that he only likes women's feet.

J

Should have said beef would put on some of your tights to make his more feminine.

Any other body part jobs on offer?.....asking for a lovely buddy of mine, he's delightful

I'll ask Beef for you...

J"

I'll let my buddy know, I'm sure he'll be thrilled.

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By *avinaTVTV/TS
over a year ago

Transsexual Transylvania


"That is funny. I can't think of any but this deserves a bump!

Jx

You're a star for saving me from 0 replies , I had a feeling it would bomb because if i hadnt of had that conversation today and someone else posted it, I'd have had nothing to add .

It made me laugh too much not to share though

Just seen this. That's hilarious.

My sense of the ridiculous has got me an unimpressed response before, too.

In my younger days (19) I was out with a mate. He latched onto a couple of girls at the place we were at, and started putting serious effort into the one he fancied, leaving me to entertain her friend. Silence (I'm not good in person! I always feel like a clot trying to chat people up).

Then she said, "do you come here

often?".

My immediate answer, "only in the mating season".

She buggered off 2 excruciating minutes later to powder her nose. Didn't see her again.

Ahh the good old trying to play tje good wing person, I've had a few of those very awkward silences when you're not really in the mood for that chat and it gets thrust upon you. "

I was that guy's perpetual d*unk wing man. Then one day he put the moves of a rather stunning young woman I was friends with, and she sat on my lap to get away from him.

Naturally we got married.

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By *avinaTVTV/TS
over a year ago

Transsexual Transylvania


"

Naturally we got married. "

She LOVED the "only in the mating seasonc" line. Just goes to show.

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By *ulieAndBeefCouple
over a year ago

Manchester-ish


"

Naturally we got married.

She LOVED the "only in the mating season" line. Just goes to show. "

J

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I once told a guy on a social (jokingly) that I always swipe left on Tories.

He got his coat and left.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Whilst taking my FWB from behind, Instead of "Who's your daddy?" I accidentally said "How's your daddy?"

We then immediately put our clothes back on and discussed her father's cholesterol levels…"

Brilliant that made me lol

Is he taking statins??

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By *avinaTVTV/TS
over a year ago

Transsexual Transylvania


"I once told a guy on a social (jokingly) that I always swipe left on Tories.

He got his coat and left. "

That's just good life advice!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was sheltered and really late to any sort of sexual contact ....the first time I saw a cock was in college...was a guy I fancied ...we stayed back after class and he took it out.... I asked ' is that all it is ? I always thought they were suppose to be bigger '

He didn't take it well....

I asked it in ignorance though I had never seen one before .

It's damm funny now

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By *UGGYBEAR2015Man
over a year ago

BRIDPORT

I went to the chiropodists, walked up to reception and flopped me cock on the desk.

She said, that’s not a foot

I said, its a good six inches though

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I went to the chiropodists, walked up to reception and flopped me cock on the desk.

She said, that’s not a foot

I said, its a good six inches though"
well this definitely is fitting in with the title of this thread

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By *ister CMan
over a year ago

liverpool

I was called skinny mini by a former gf...

I said calm down chunky chops...

As a result we split up.

Good Times

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By *ixed Mister OP   Man
over a year ago

London


"I was sheltered and really late to any sort of sexual contact ....the first time I saw a cock was in college...was a guy I fancied ...we stayed back after class and he took it out.... I asked ' is that all it is ? I always thought they were suppose to be bigger '

He didn't take it well....

I asked it in ignorance though I had never seen one before .

It's damm funny now "

, hopefully it wasn't his 1st time aswell that could really destroy a man's soul

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I once told a guy on a social (jokingly) that I always swipe left on Tories.

He got his coat and left.

That's just good life advice! "

I'd not have made the joke normally, but he told me off for voting against Brexit. He was a twat.

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