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Dom in training

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By *ornymarshal2014 OP   Man
over a year ago

Milton Keynes

So I'm seeing someone and she is trying not to be vanilla and she has given me the power to control her...so by default I'm learning to be a Dom...so see our chat below...so I'm still trying to learn and figure this shit out...lol any tips or suggestions...as you will see below she is a very willing sub (she doesn't know I'm on fab btw...but soon I will let her in..)

Me: You don't know how hard my fuck is right now. Now just think about what I'm going to do to you later! And how you are going to make it up to me for leaving me for do long.In a few hours I'm going to be deep inside of you

Her: I will suck your dick and balls.And lick you until you forgive me.

Me: I'm just debating where I'm going to cum.Hmmmm,fuck you.... I'm going to enjoy that.That made my cock twitch

Her: Good. I’ll have you big hard cock in my mouth pleasuring you soon. Then you’ll be fucking me. You dick in my warm wet pussy

Me: Talk dirty to me bitch. Hell yeah..

Me: I might just cum in your mouth.. Have that warm yet cum dripping from your lips

Her: Mmmmmm

Me: Or I might cum in your wet cunt have it dripping down your thighs....??

Me: Hmmmm... choices choices

Her: Well your wish is my command sir. I’ll take whatever you give me

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By *atricia ParnelWoman
over a year ago

In a town full of colours

Keep chatting to each other with Clear Concise Communication. Your bdsm can be whatever You Both want it to be. Good luck OP

Check out RACK

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you only think being a Dom is about sex then keep on learning.

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By *ornymarshal2014 OP   Man
over a year ago

Milton Keynes


"Keep chatting to each other with Clear Concise Communication. Your bdsm can be whatever You Both want it to be. Good luck OP

Check out RACK "

What's Rack?

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By *ornymarshal2014 OP   Man
over a year ago

Milton Keynes


"If you only think being a Dom is about sex then keep on learning."

This is why I'm try to learn...I have never done this shit before...lol...tell me more...what is it about please?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Depends on the dynamic you both want and the things you both want to explore.

Restraints?

Humiliation?

Pain?

Impact play?

Edge play? Don't do this as a beginner.

The list goes on obviously.

There are all sorts of things that people explore, like. You need to research and find what you want to try start small and build it up. It can be whatever you want. You need to find your limits, understand your desires I mean together. The biggest bit of advice I could give you is COMMUNICATION it's the most important thing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Keep chatting to each other with Clear Concise Communication. Your bdsm can be whatever You Both want it to be. Good luck OP

Check out RACK

What's Rack?"

Risk Aware Consensual Kink.

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By *atricia ParnelWoman
over a year ago

In a town full of colours


"Keep chatting to each other with Clear Concise Communication. Your bdsm can be whatever You Both want it to be. Good luck OP

Check out RACK

What's Rack?"

Google is your friend. Do some research

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By *ornymarshal2014 OP   Man
over a year ago

Milton Keynes


"Keep chatting to each other with Clear Concise Communication. Your bdsm can be whatever You Both want it to be. Good luck OP

Check out RACK

What's Rack?

Risk Aware Consensual Kink. "

Is it a website? YouTube videos?

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By *ornymarshal2014 OP   Man
over a year ago

Milton Keynes

She told me her fantasy is to be restrained and used as a sex object

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By *ust a little bit moreWoman
over a year ago

kendal

Hi,

Submissive here.....

Id very very strongly advise doing ALL the research! An then do some more research!

Knowledge is key!

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land


"She told me her fantasy is to be restrained and used as a sex object "

That's just a starting point of the conversation. Just because she's a sub doesn't mean she doesn't take any responsibility in the negotiations of BDSM play. Sex object can mean a heck of a lot of different things to different people. If inexperienced and you haven't discussed fully you both could end up in situations you'd rather not be in. As a new Dom I would recommend being firm in your own boundaries, which mean she has to be totally explicit in what her expectations are.

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By *ubmissiveman2uMan
over a year ago

Cheshire

Take your time ,talk and talk about everything she/you want out of your relationship might be worth a visit to Fetlife lots of information on there . I wish you well for the future d/s relationship is hard work but can be very rewarding too.

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By *eyond PurityCouple
over a year ago

Lincolnshire

You can’t just decide to be a Dom…the tendencies/qualities are in you to develop and then it’s research research research.

It’s good you’ve reached out but please walk before you can run…

K

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By *toC Thats MeWoman
over a year ago

Sheffield

I think relationships like that need to be built over time and trust. Not with text messages. In person learning about each other. Safe words, boundaries and consent been key.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Consent is absolute key. So for example you have come onto a swingers website and posted intimate texts that were meant for your eyes only. If someone did that to me they would be straight in the bin.

Learn about consent , if you don't understand basic consent do not get into BDSM until you understand it.

OK so Dom/sub doesn't have to be all big and serious it can be fun and light. It can be just in the bedroom or right upto 24 7 (obviously don't try that)

Communication is vital , keep talking always explicit consent for everything and anything

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By *opetop4UMan
over a year ago

Aberdeen

Fetlife is a good place to start.

There's a huge list of interests to select e.g. impact play, edge play, fear play etc.

Why not go through the list separately and compare afterwards.

My rope bottom will sometimes send me a photo or a link to a porn video and tell me this is what they would like in our next scene.

Enjoy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Aftercare.... very very important or she could experience slutdrop which really fucks up your emotions..

Being a dom isn't just about hard or violent sex.. its got so many other sides to it... something important and humbling to remember.. you might think your the dom and controlling your sub... but actually the sub holds the power allowing you to treat them like this..

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By *ornymarshal2014 OP   Man
over a year ago

Milton Keynes


"Aftercare.... very very important or she could experience slutdrop which really fucks up your emotions..

Being a dom isn't just about hard or violent sex.. its got so many other sides to it... something important and humbling to remember.. you might think your the dom and controlling your sub... but actually the sub holds the power allowing you to treat them like this.."

So true

I think I'm learning

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By *ornymarshal2014 OP   Man
over a year ago

Milton Keynes

Thank you all for all your input..it seems I have a lot to learn still...I do acknowledge that she is the one trusting me and giving me the power

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By *ensualMan
over a year ago

Sutton

I would start with a number of qualifications. First as someone wrote earlier, kink is a broad spectrum. Second, people can define their own relationships. Third, apart from safety and consent there is no right or wrong way to do kink. Fourth, people are free to disagree with me.

But as OP asked for advice, I have some views which vary from the views above.

Personally, I see nothing D/s in the opening exchange. To me it just looks like sex talk. I see no dominance or submission. The hallmark of a D/s relationship is power or authority exchange. I see none of that. Further if the submissive has all the power then the submissive is the Dominant. I can go more into that in another thread, but just be aware that a number of people don't agree with the submissive is in control comment.

There is another type of relationship that of Top and bottom, where the bottom sets the parameters of the play, it is a scene only based relationship. Whereas, D/s may not be 24/7 but it is usually seen as a relationship beyond sex, and scenes.

It seems to me that swingers/ hedonists have adopted the wording of submissive and dominant to describe a rough or controlling sex situation which is based solely in the bedroom. This causes confusion and a misunderstanding of the roles and expectations.

So, I would say there is nothing for OP to learn if he wants to be a swinging Dominant.

However, if OP wants to move to (what I consider to be) the deeper and richer area of non swinging D/s, he should decide whether he is seeking a Top or bottom situation or D/s as understood in the non swinging community.

This will require understanding Top and bottom roles and D/s roles. Top or Dominant is not better than the other, just different. If the roles as Top or Dominant involve doing an act to another person (other than sex) then education is required, particularly if it is physical or mental edgeplay.

The best acronym I have seen in ages, was at LAM 2 weeks ago. There was a board that said:

"Know how to FUCK! F ully U nderstand C onsensual K ink"

Good luck

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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago

Up on them there hills

Don’t get stuck in semantics, talk a lot about what each of you are wanting to get out of the encounter/relationship

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By *ickD80Man
over a year ago

Wolverhampton

It’s pretty clear from your conversation with her that you’re not naturally a Dom and she’s not naturally a sub, you’re basically talking about her giving you head and then having sex…but doing it a bit rough.

You should be talking to each other about it, not asking a bunch of people who don’t know either of you what you should be doing. I’ve been in 2 full time D/s dynamics and each was completely different because each Domme got pleasure from different things and demanded different things from me…we can’t advise you how to progress with a D/s relationship without knowing what each of your interests are and what your limits are….it’s like saying ‘me and my partner have decided to start going on holidays together, can you advice us’…well no we can’t without knowing whether you like beach holidays, city breaks, activity holidays, camping, luxury hotels, warm weather, cold weather…

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By *ornymarshal2014 OP   Man
over a year ago

Milton Keynes


"I would start with a number of qualifications. First as someone wrote earlier, kink is a broad spectrum. Second, people can define their own relationships. Third, apart from safety and consent there is no right or wrong way to do kink. Fourth, people are free to disagree with me.

But as OP asked for advice, I have some views which vary from the views above.

Personally, I see nothing D/s in the opening exchange. To me it just looks like sex talk. I see no dominance or submission. The hallmark of a D/s relationship is power or authority exchange. I see none of that. Further if the submissive has all the power then the submissive is the Dominant. I can go more into that in another thread, but just be aware that a number of people don't agree with the submissive is in control comment.

There is another type of relationship that of Top and bottom, where the bottom sets the parameters of the play, it is a scene only based relationship. Whereas, D/s may not be 24/7 but it is usually seen as a relationship beyond sex, and scenes.

It seems to me that swingers/ hedonists have adopted the wording of submissive and dominant to describe a rough or controlling sex situation which is based solely in the bedroom. This causes confusion and a misunderstanding of the roles and expectations.

So, I would say there is nothing for OP to learn if he wants to be a swinging Dominant.

However, if OP wants to move to (what I consider to be) the deeper and richer area of non swinging D/s, he should decide whether he is seeking a Top or bottom situation or D/s as understood in the non swinging community.

This will require understanding Top and bottom roles and D/s roles. Top or Dominant is not better than the other, just different. If the roles as Top or Dominant involve doing an act to another person (other than sex) then education is required, particularly if it is physical or mental edgeplay.

The best acronym I have seen in ages, was at LAM 2 weeks ago. There was a board that said:

"Know how to FUCK! F ully U nderstand C onsensual K ink"

Good luck"

This is waaaaaay deeper than I expected...geeeze it gets deep

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By *ornymarshal2014 OP   Man
over a year ago

Milton Keynes


"It’s pretty clear from your conversation with her that you’re not naturally a Dom and she’s not naturally a sub, you’re basically talking about her giving you head and then having sex…but doing it a bit rough.

You should be talking to each other about it, not asking a bunch of people who don’t know either of you what you should be doing. I’ve been in 2 full time D/s dynamics and each was completely different because each Domme got pleasure from different things and demanded different things from me…we can’t advise you how to progress with a D/s relationship without knowing what each of your interests are and what your limits are….it’s like saying ‘me and my partner have decided to start going on holidays together, can you advice us’…well no we can’t without knowing whether you like beach holidays, city breaks, activity holidays, camping, luxury hotels, warm weather, cold weather…"

Lol...true,but as a new area for us... you don't know, what you don't know..if you catch my drift

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