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"I used to when I was younger but not for many years now" What's the secret? I'm doing my own head in and I know it's stupid. | |||
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"Can you give us a little more information about what it is, so that we can advise better? " I'd have to think of another example. I think I'm just angry at the put downs and it's getting in the way. | |||
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"I used to when I was younger but not for many years now What's the secret? I'm doing my own head in and I know it's stupid. " No secret. I just grew up and realised it wasn't worth while. But I have changed a lot in later years | |||
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"Have you ever had a situation where someone has told you to do something and put you down for not doing it? And then you can't go near that thing, no matter how much you know you should let go and not give a fuck. You just can't go near it. Partly down to anger at them, partly because you feel like they have a control if you do do it,so you don't. You avoid it. Anyone else mentions it and your uncomfortable and hate the subject. And sometimes you even cut your own nose of to spite your own face by bit doing that thing. I have one of those things going on and I just don't know how the hell to let it go. It's a me issue right? Do I just need a good slap? Do you do the same? How did you get past it. " yes but cutting your nose off to spite your face is ok you're sticking to your principles no matter what, i do that very thing  | |||
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"Have you ever had a situation where someone has told you to do something and put you down for not doing it? And then you can't go near that thing, no matter how much you know you should let go and not give a fuck. You just can't go near it. Partly down to anger at them, partly because you feel like they have a control if you do do it,so you don't. You avoid it. Anyone else mentions it and your uncomfortable and hate the subject. And sometimes you even cut your own nose of to spite your own face by bit doing that thing. I have one of those things going on and I just don't know how the hell to let it go. It's a me issue right? Do I just need a good slap? Do you do the same? How did you get past it. " Sometimes you have to take a step back and consider whether the thing you’re worried, angry, anxious etc about is really worth feeling that way about. Do you really want to spend your time worrying about things that don’t really matter or would you prefer to forget about it and get on with trying to enjoy your life. There are things we can control that are worth worrying about and trying to resolve and there are things we can’t control that aren’t worth worrying about because it achieves nothing apart from making the problem you can’t control an even bigger problem that you can’t control. It’s not easy to do and it’s taken me a long time to train myself to do it but if you start telling yourself to stop worrying about things you can’t control when you do start worrying about them, eventually you’ll find that you won’t even start worrying about them and you’ll be a lot more relaxed. | |||
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"Can you give us a little more information about what it is, so that we can advise better? " OK here's an example. If someone told you to exercise because you should, because it's good for you. And then said others managed to and you had no excuse. But then you avoid exercise because of what they said. Swap the word exercise out for eat healthy, sleep better, drink more water, learn to drive, be more organised, work more, read, meditate, you get the gist. | |||
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"Have you ever had a situation where someone has told you to do something and put you down for not doing it? And then you can't go near that thing, no matter how much you know you should let go and not give a fuck. You just can't go near it. Partly down to anger at them, partly because you feel like they have a control if you do do it,so you don't. You avoid it. Anyone else mentions it and your uncomfortable and hate the subject. And sometimes you even cut your own nose of to spite your own face by bit doing that thing. I have one of those things going on and I just don't know how the hell to let it go. It's a me issue right? Do I just need a good slap? Do you do the same? How did you get past it. " Very interesting I've come across this a number of times my thought On it is this. Its about your free will its your desire . by not doing the thing has got to the stage of confusion and anger that you got now. So its about you you have to way up the pros and cons .and move forward . | |||
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"Can you give us a little more information about what it is, so that we can advise better? OK here's an example. If someone told you to exercise because you should, because it's good for you. And then said others managed to and you had no excuse. But then you avoid exercise because of what they said. Swap the word exercise out for eat healthy, sleep better, drink more water, learn to drive, be more organised, work more, read, meditate, you get the gist. " I'd tell them to fuck off. I can't imagine anyone in my life telling me those things | |||
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"I can't really think of an instance where I have been out down for not doing something. At work, I'll apologise and get onto it straight away but I think at other times, I can be so stubborn that I'll make it a point not to do it if the put down was unjustified. And if they apologise, I'll happily do it. The issue isn't me not doing something, it's how they reacted and I shouldn't feel bad for their piss-poor people skills." That's exactly it isn't it. You end up stubborn as hell because of the put down being unjustified. But why though? Why care? | |||
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"Can you give us a little more information about what it is, so that we can advise better? OK here's an example. If someone told you to exercise because you should, because it's good for you. And then said others managed to and you had no excuse. But then you avoid exercise because of what they said. Swap the word exercise out for eat healthy, sleep better, drink more water, learn to drive, be more organised, work more, read, meditate, you get the gist. " But they’re all things that are good for you, the person who’s telling you to do those things is looking out for you and obviously cares about you so why are you annoyed that they’re advising you to do something that’s good for you? If someone told you to be lazy and eat loads of junk food would you start exercising and eating healthy food? | |||
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"Can you give us a little more information about what it is, so that we can advise better? OK here's an example. If someone told you to exercise because you should, because it's good for you. And then said others managed to and you had no excuse. But then you avoid exercise because of what they said. Swap the word exercise out for eat healthy, sleep better, drink more water, learn to drive, be more organised, work more, read, meditate, you get the gist. I'd tell them to fuck off. I can't imagine anyone in my life telling me those things" Maybe that's why I'm angry and it's an issue. Because I didn't actually tell them to fuck off at the time and I should have done. | |||
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"Can you give us a little more information about what it is, so that we can advise better? OK here's an example. If someone told you to exercise because you should, because it's good for you. And then said others managed to and you had no excuse. But then you avoid exercise because of what they said. Swap the word exercise out for eat healthy, sleep better, drink more water, learn to drive, be more organised, work more, read, meditate, you get the gist. " I just tell them to fuck off. I know, yeah, it’s very mature of me. People telling me this stuff because they think they know best for me really pisses me of. Sort your own shit out and leave me to sort mine. | |||
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"Can you give us a little more information about what it is, so that we can advise better? OK here's an example. If someone told you to exercise because you should, because it's good for you. And then said others managed to and you had no excuse. But then you avoid exercise because of what they said. Swap the word exercise out for eat healthy, sleep better, drink more water, learn to drive, be more organised, work more, read, meditate, you get the gist. But they’re all things that are good for you, the person who’s telling you to do those things is looking out for you and obviously cares about you so why are you annoyed that they’re advising you to do something that’s good for you? If someone told you to be lazy and eat loads of junk food would you start exercising and eating healthy food?" If there wasn't a put down in it yes I'd agree they were looking out for me. But to belittle me and compare me to others is different isn't it? | |||
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"I can't really think of an instance where I have been out down for not doing something. At work, I'll apologise and get onto it straight away but I think at other times, I can be so stubborn that I'll make it a point not to do it if the put down was unjustified. And if they apologise, I'll happily do it. The issue isn't me not doing something, it's how they reacted and I shouldn't feel bad for their piss-poor people skills. That's exactly it isn't it. You end up stubborn as hell because of the put down being unjustified. But why though? Why care? " Because I have feelings PW 
But seriously, it's probably because we attach our worth to the things we can do for others so to be put down for failing to do so can feel a bit crap. So I double down instead because I want them to feel like they need me again. | |||
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"Can you give us a little more information about what it is, so that we can advise better? OK here's an example. If someone told you to exercise because you should, because it's good for you. And then said others managed to and you had no excuse. But then you avoid exercise because of what they said. Swap the word exercise out for eat healthy, sleep better, drink more water, learn to drive, be more organised, work more, read, meditate, you get the gist. " Oh in that case I’m extremely stubborn. If you’re telling me I need to do all those things because YOU expect me to , then I’m definitely going to make a point of not doing it and probably tell them to piss off. | |||
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"Can you give us a little more information about what it is, so that we can advise better? OK here's an example. If someone told you to exercise because you should, because it's good for you. And then said others managed to and you had no excuse. But then you avoid exercise because of what they said. Swap the word exercise out for eat healthy, sleep better, drink more water, learn to drive, be more organised, work more, read, meditate, you get the gist. " Lol my previous answer is always true its all about you some of things you highlight are good for you and talking especially the drinking more water . its hard but we all had the problem that no matter what you do others that care for you .what only the best for you . But as I say you choosing what's best for you . | |||
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"I can't really think of an instance where I have been out down for not doing something. At work, I'll apologise and get onto it straight away but I think at other times, I can be so stubborn that I'll make it a point not to do it if the put down was unjustified. And if they apologise, I'll happily do it. The issue isn't me not doing something, it's how they reacted and I shouldn't feel bad for their piss-poor people skills. That's exactly it isn't it. You end up stubborn as hell because of the put down being unjustified. But why though? Why care? Because I have feelings PW
But seriously, it's probably because we attach our worth to the things we can do for others so to be put down for failing to do so can feel a bit crap. So I double down instead because I want them to feel like they need me again."Sorry bad wording. That wasn't actually meant at you specifically, I meant me as well. And anyone. Your response gave me something to think about though. | |||
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"If someone puts me down I immediately become resistant. It's not a case of cutting off my nose to spite my face but a case of not wanting to be treated like something on the bottom of someone's shoe in order to make me do something " This exactly. But why can't I move on from it. | |||
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"Can you give us a little more information about what it is, so that we can advise better? OK here's an example. If someone told you to exercise because you should, because it's good for you. And then said others managed to and you had no excuse. But then you avoid exercise because of what they said. Swap the word exercise out for eat healthy, sleep better, drink more water, learn to drive, be more organised, work more, read, meditate, you get the gist. But they’re all things that are good for you, the person who’s telling you to do those things is looking out for you and obviously cares about you so why are you annoyed that they’re advising you to do something that’s good for you? If someone told you to be lazy and eat loads of junk food would you start exercising and eating healthy food? If there wasn't a put down in it yes I'd agree they were looking out for me. But to belittle me and compare me to others is different isn't it? " If they belittled me etc I'd be pissed off at them being a dick and unfriend them if possible or avoid them. Google grey rock. Distraction tactics any time they tried to mention it, or just plain silence or agree while saying FUCK OFF! in my head.  | |||
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"If someone puts me down I immediately become resistant. It's not a case of cutting off my nose to spite my face but a case of not wanting to be treated like something on the bottom of someone's shoe in order to make me do something This exactly. But why can't I move on from it. " Because you think they're right? | |||
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"Can you give us a little more information about what it is, so that we can advise better? OK here's an example. If someone told you to exercise because you should, because it's good for you. And then said others managed to and you had no excuse. But then you avoid exercise because of what they said. Swap the word exercise out for eat healthy, sleep better, drink more water, learn to drive, be more organised, work more, read, meditate, you get the gist. But they’re all things that are good for you, the person who’s telling you to do those things is looking out for you and obviously cares about you so why are you annoyed that they’re advising you to do something that’s good for you? If someone told you to be lazy and eat loads of junk food would you start exercising and eating healthy food? If there wasn't a put down in it yes I'd agree they were looking out for me. But to belittle me and compare me to others is different isn't it? " Yeah, that’s different, it’s never acceptable to belittle anyone and I can see why that’s upsetting for you. But, just to play devil’s advocate, maybe they’re trying the old ‘tough love’ tactic to get you to do something that’s good for you and although it’s probably the wrong way to go about it, they are still doing it because they care. People generally aren’t just nasty people who like upsetting others (some are but very few) so normally when someone does something to upset you it’s because of misplaced care of to deflect from their own insecurities. | |||
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"If someone puts me down I immediately become resistant. It's not a case of cutting off my nose to spite my face but a case of not wanting to be treated like something on the bottom of someone's shoe in order to make me do something This exactly. But why can't I move on from it. " But if anyone puts you down or makes you less that .simply tell them to go fuck themselves | |||
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"Can you give us a little more information about what it is, so that we can advise better? OK here's an example. If someone told you to exercise because you should, because it's good for you. And then said others managed to and you had no excuse. But then you avoid exercise because of what they said. Swap the word exercise out for eat healthy, sleep better, drink more water, learn to drive, be more organised, work more, read, meditate, you get the gist. But they’re all things that are good for you, the person who’s telling you to do those things is looking out for you and obviously cares about you so why are you annoyed that they’re advising you to do something that’s good for you? If someone told you to be lazy and eat loads of junk food would you start exercising and eating healthy food? If there wasn't a put down in it yes I'd agree they were looking out for me. But to belittle me and compare me to others is different isn't it? If they belittled me etc I'd be pissed off at them being a dick and unfriend them if possible or avoid them. Google grey rock. Distraction tactics any time they tried to mention it, or just plain silence or agree while saying FUCK OFF! in my head. "I have nothing to do with this person anymore. Which is why it's bugging me. Normally I can process things and get past them or identify why it prickles me at least. But this just seems to stick. And when others mention it I literally want to tell them to fuck off. It's clearly a sore point. | |||
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"If someone puts me down I immediately become resistant. It's not a case of cutting off my nose to spite my face but a case of not wanting to be treated like something on the bottom of someone's shoe in order to make me do something This exactly. But why can't I move on from it. Because you think they're right?" I'm struggling to answer that. I don't think they're right or wrong. I just think it's up to me to make the choice. | |||
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"If someone puts me down I immediately become resistant. It's not a case of cutting off my nose to spite my face but a case of not wanting to be treated like something on the bottom of someone's shoe in order to make me do something This exactly. But why can't I move on from it. Because you think they're right? I'm struggling to answer that. I don't think they're right or wrong. I just think it's up to me to make the choice. " If someone advices you to do something in a belittling way and you do it, you’ve still made the choice to do it. You can choose to do it or not do it, either way you make the choice. | |||
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"It sounds like a you issue But I wouldn't say you need a slap " I think you're right about it being a me issue. But can't work out if I'm just being stubborn, childish or what and why. And thanks that's a bit reassuring. | |||
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"Have you ever had a situation where someone has told you to do something and put you down for not doing it? And then you can't go near that thing, no matter how much you know you should let go and not give a fuck. You just can't go near it. Partly down to anger at them, partly because you feel like they have a control if you do do it,so you don't. You avoid it. Anyone else mentions it and your uncomfortable and hate the subject. And sometimes you even cut your own nose of to spite your own face by bit doing that thing. I have one of those things going on and I just don't know how the hell to let it go. It's a me issue right? Do I just need a good slap? Do you do the same? How did you get past it. " It's not you who needs the slap, and no, it's not a you issue. This is worrying behaviour, controlling and manipulative.....tell them to fuck off | |||
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"Have you ever had a situation where someone has told you to do something and put you down for not doing it? And then you can't go near that thing, no matter how much you know you should let go and not give a fuck. You just can't go near it. Partly down to anger at them, partly because you feel like they have a control if you do do it,so you don't. You avoid it. Anyone else mentions it and your uncomfortable and hate the subject. And sometimes you even cut your own nose of to spite your own face by bit doing that thing. I have one of those things going on and I just don't know how the hell to let it go. It's a me issue right? Do I just need a good slap? Do you do the same? How did you get past it. " I know we chatted briefly the other night but I really didn't think it effected you that badly  | |||
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