FabSwingers.com forum: Auntie Jen is here to help

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

OK lovies, darlings, do you lay awake at night, troubled with worries? Do you? Do you?

A rash? Why don't nice girls like me? What goes with marmalade and blue cheese?

Whatever your anxieties, Auntie Jen is here to listen, patronise, and help.

Hmmm do you?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hello auntie Jen

I’ve a rash under my boobs. What should I do?

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By *piritualSFCMan
over a year ago

london

"Hello auntie Jen

I’ve a rash under my boobs. What should I do?

There's a cream for that

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By *4bimMan
over a year ago

Farnborough Hampshire

Dear uncle Jen.

How do you keep your top lip so free from hair?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hello auntie Jen

I’ve a rash under my boobs. What should I do?

There's a cream for that"

Shush you, you’re not aunty Jen

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Hello auntie Jen

I’ve a rash under my boobs. What should I do?

Well my dear, I understand intimate rashes can be a worry. But as we age and the inevitable droop happens we just have to wash more thoroughly. Maybe some talc too. Bless you lovie

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By *red333Man
over a year ago

Dorchester

"OK lovies, darlings, do you lay awake at night, troubled with worries? Do you? Do you?

A rash? Why don't nice girls like me? What goes with marmalade and blue cheese?

Whatever your anxieties, Auntie Jen is here to listen, patronise, and help.

Hmmm do you?"
i lay awake with sleep apnia

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By *acktopervMan
over a year ago

Stourport-On-Severn

I do Aunti Jen. I constantly lay awake thinking if i will ever get Full Fibre internet available down my road.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Dear uncle Jen.

How do you keep your top lip so free from hair?"

Oh my dear, mis gendering jokes are so delightful aren't they? And so en vogue.

I use a blow torch darling. Next!

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By *piritualSFCMan
over a year ago

london

"Hello auntie Jen

I’ve a rash under my boobs. What should I do?

There's a cream for that

Shush you, you’re not aunty Jen

Lol. Quite right her advice is much better.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"OK lovies, darlings, do you lay awake at night, troubled with worries? Do you? Do you?

A rash? Why don't nice girls like me? What goes with marmalade and blue cheese?

Whatever your anxieties, Auntie Jen is here to listen, patronise, and help.

Hmmm do you?i lay awake with sleep apnia

Well that's awake apnea then isn't it?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I do Aunti Jen. I constantly lay awake thinking if i will ever get Full Fibre internet available down my road."

Just dig a big long hole, they call it a trench, buy 300 metres of fibre optic cable and do it your self. If Richard Branson wo t come to the mountain ...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hello auntie Jen

I’ve a rash under my boobs. What should I do?

There's a cream for that

Shush you, you’re not aunty Jen

Lol. Quite right her advice is much better.

Sometimes

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Hello auntie Jen

I’ve a rash under my boobs. What should I do?

There's a cream for that"

Sweetie, I think cream on her tits may be the cause of the rash.

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By *ickshawedCouple
over a year ago

Wolverhampton

"Hello auntie Jen

I’ve a rash under my boobs. What should I do?

There's a cream for that

Sweetie, I think cream on her tits may be the cause of the rash."

That'll teach her to clean it off *before* it turns green.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Dear uncle Jen.

How do you keep your top lip so free from hair?"

She’s called aunty Jen

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hello auntie Jen

I’ve a rash under my boobs. What should I do?

There's a cream for that

Sweetie, I think cream on her tits may be the cause of the rash.

That'll teach her to clean it off *before* it turns green."

What if it comes out of the pot green? Or is that another thread

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Hello auntie Jen

I’ve a rash under my boobs. What should I do?

There's a cream for that

Sweetie, I think cream on her tits may be the cause of the rash.

That'll teach her to clean it off *before* it turns green."

Yes darling, let it set and peel it of. Exfoliation is so important for older skin. Isn't it darling? Hmmm? Isn't it?

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually

Jennie, you glorious bitch.

I really love the marks that canes leave. The cute stripes, the little welts, the way it somehow hurts more on standing up than sitting on them. Just, perfection. But I do not like the actual impact at all, and would much prefer to stick with floggers and leathers.

So what colour should I get my next set of canes in? I like the cherry on the black delrin I have, but I'm thinking wood ones could be fun (and awful), and I don't think my usual purpley schemes are going to work with wood tones.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Hello auntie Jen

I’ve a rash under my boobs. What should I do?

There's a cream for that

Sweetie, I think cream on her tits may be the cause of the rash.

That'll teach her to clean it off *before* it turns green.

What if it comes out of the pot green? Or is that another thread

Sweetie, you had your question darling. We all know the cream wasn't from a pot. Isn't it darling.

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By *hePerkyPumpkinTV/TS
over a year ago

Bristol

"Dear uncle Jen.

How do you keep your top lip so free from hair?

She’s called aunty Jen

We need a finger wag emoji for such a faux pas

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By *ickshawedCouple
over a year ago

Wolverhampton

"Hello auntie Jen

I’ve a rash under my boobs. What should I do?

There's a cream for that

Sweetie, I think cream on her tits may be the cause of the rash.

That'll teach her to clean it off *before* it turns green.

Yes darling, let it set and peel it of. Exfoliation is so important for older skin. Isn't it darling? Hmmm? Isn't it?"

Well not all of us are comfortable blending in with our leather sofas Jen

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Jennie, you glorious bitch.

Well lovie, mahogany might work well with the deep purple tones, and wouldn't clash too much with the bruising. Hmmm?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hello auntie Jen

I’ve a rash under my boobs. What should I do?

There's a cream for that

Sweetie, I think cream on her tits may be the cause of the rash.

That'll teach her to clean it off *before* it turns green.

Yes darling, let it set and peel it of. Exfoliation is so important for older skin. Isn't it darling? Hmmm? Isn't it?

Well not all of us are comfortable blending in with our leather sofas Jen

Pahahaha

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Dear uncle Jen.

How do you keep your top lip so free from hair?

She’s called aunty Jen

We need a finger wag emoji for such a faux pas "

No darling leave it darling. It was very funny and very clever. A transvestite agony aunt referred to as uncle, get it. The bigots love that sort of humour and I am nothing if not inclusive darling.

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By *piritualSFCMan
over a year ago

london

"Hello auntie Jen

I’ve a rash under my boobs. What should I do?

There's a cream for that

Sweetie, I think cream on her tits may be the cause of the rash.

That'll teach her to clean it off *before* it turns green.

Yes darling, let it set and peel it of. Exfoliation is so important for older skin. Isn't it darling? Hmmm? Isn't it?

Well not all of us are comfortable blending in with our leather sofas Jen

Pahahaha

Just don't wear a bra and problem solved, if it spreads then send me a pic - I think you will need the cream.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Dear uncle Jen.

How do you keep your top lip so free from hair?

She’s called aunty Jen

We need a finger wag emoji for such a faux pas

No darling leave it darling. It was very funny and very clever. A transvestite agony aunt referred to as uncle, get it. The bigots love that sort of “humour” and I am nothing if not inclusive darling."

FIFY Auntie Jen

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Hello auntie Jen

I’ve a rash under my boobs. What should I do?

There's a cream for that

Sweetie, I think cream on her tits may be the cause of the rash.

That'll teach her to clean it off *before* it turns green.

Yes darling, let it set and peel it of. Exfoliation is so important for older skin. Isn't it darling? Hmmm? Isn't it?

Well not all of us are comfortable blending in with our leather sofas Jen

Hmmm actually my love in your case it might be more realistic to moisturise the sofa.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Evening aunty Jennie. I have just come back from coaching my under 13s football team and my calfs are killing me bad. Have you got any ideas how these can be made to feel better? Thank you

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By *avexxMan
over a year ago

cheshire

i worry im falling in love with you jennie, what can i do x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Dear uncle Jen.

How do you keep your top lip so free from hair?

She’s called aunty Jen

We need a finger wag emoji for such a faux pas

FIFY Auntie Jen "

Thank you sweetheart.

Oh by the way, that's not how you spell FAF, love. Hmmm? Isn't it?

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By *hePerkyPumpkinTV/TS
over a year ago

Bristol

"i worry im falling in love with you jennie, what can i do x"

You can join the back of the queue

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Evening aunty Jennie. I have just come back from coaching my under 13s football team and my calfs are killing me bad. Have you got any ideas how these can be made to feel better? Thank you"

Just keep them in the paddock with the heifers darling. I know young cows look scary but they very rarely kill!

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By *avexxMan
over a year ago

cheshire

"i worry im falling in love with you jennie, what can i do x

You can join the back of the queue

"
,, i cant sleep x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"i worry im falling in love with you jennie, what can i do x"

Well darling, obsessions with celebrities are a common thing darling. Do you masturbate and gasp out my name darling? Do you? Do you imagine throwing me across the back of the sofa, ripping by big auntie knickers of and ... ahem ... yes well. Erm.

It's all perfectly normal darling. Ahem .... Next.... quickly, NEXT!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"i worry im falling in love with you jennie, what can i do x

You can join the back of the queue

,, i cant sleep x"

Try a milky drink darling

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By *avexxMan
over a year ago

cheshire

"i worry im falling in love with you jennie, what can i do x

You can join the back of the queue

,, i cant sleep x

Try a milky drink darling "
,, thank you will do before i go bed x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"i worry im falling in love with you jennie, what can i do x

You can join the back of the queue

Calm down sweetheart.

Just talk to our earlier caller ... thingumy wotsisname... he'll tell you Auntie Jen is biologically male. Everyone will laugh so hard and you won't be interested any more.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Hello auntie Jen

I’ve a rash under my boobs. What should I do?

There's a cream for that

Sweetie, I think cream on her tits may be the cause of the rash.

That'll teach her to clean it off *before* it turns green.

Yes darling, let it set and peel it of. Exfoliation is so important for older skin. Isn't it darling? Hmmm? Isn't it?

Well not all of us are comfortable blending in with our leather sofas Jen

Pahahaha

Just don't wear a bra and problem solved, if it spreads then send me a pic - I think you will need the cream."

If she doesn't wear a bra lovie, the rash will be down to her navel by morning darling

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

*Taps Fingers* Still waiting on the movie script.

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Dear Jennie,

How will I ever learn that men are so much smarter than me that they know what I want more than I do?

On another note, why is it that what I apparently want is the same as what they want?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hello auntie Jen

I’ve a rash under my boobs. What should I do?

There's a cream for that

Sweetie, I think cream on her tits may be the cause of the rash.

That'll teach her to clean it off *before* it turns green.

Yes darling, let it set and peel it of. Exfoliation is so important for older skin. Isn't it darling? Hmmm? Isn't it?

Well not all of us are comfortable blending in with our leather sofas Jen

Pahahaha

Just don't wear a bra and problem solved, if it spreads then send me a pic - I think you will need the cream.

If she doesn't wear a bra lovie, the rash will be down to her navel by morning darling "

Not to mention bruised knees

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"*Taps Fingers* Still waiting on the movie script.

It's with the editor darling

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By *red333Man
over a year ago

Dorchester

"Evening aunty Jennie. I have just come back from coaching my under 13s football team and my calfs are killing me bad. Have you got any ideas how these can be made to feel better? Thank you"
put them in a grassy field let them eat some grass they'll be right as rain in no time

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Dear Jennie,

How will I ever learn that men are so much smarter than me that they know what I want more than I do?

On another note, why is it that what I apparently want is the same as what they want?"

Oh darling, you need only look at the SQUIRT thread to havexall the evidence you need. I'll send you my leaflet on Tweasing ther are lots of helpful tips in there. Hmmm?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Evening aunty Jennie. I have just come back from coaching my under 13s football team and my calfs are killing me bad. Have you got any ideas how these can be made to feel better? Thank youput them in a grassy field let them eat some grass they'll be right as rain in no time

Oh darling your help is very welcome, but you see love, that one's already been covered.

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By *red333Man
over a year ago

Dorchester

"Evening aunty Jennie. I have just come back from coaching my under 13s football team and my calfs are killing me bad. Have you got any ideas how these can be made to feel better? Thank youput them in a grassy field let them eat some grass they'll be right as rain in no time

Oh darling your help is very welcome, but you see love, that one's already been covered. "
with a blanket?

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Dear Jennie,

How will I ever learn that men are so much smarter than me that they know what I want more than I do?

On another note, why is it that what I apparently want is the same as what they want?

Oh darling, you need only look at the SQUIRT thread to havexall the evidence you need. I'll send you my leaflet on Tweasing ther are lots of helpful tips in there. Hmmm?"

I'll need to work out which part of my anatomy I should twease.

Best to consult a man.

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By *red333Man
over a year ago

Dorchester

"Evening aunty Jennie. I have just come back from coaching my under 13s football team and my calfs are killing me bad. Have you got any ideas how these can be made to feel better? Thank youput them in a grassy field let them eat some grass they'll be right as rain in no time

Oh darling your help is very welcome, but you see love, that one's already been covered. "
you changed your pic

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Evening aunty Jennie. I have just come back from coaching my under 13s football team and my calfs are killing me bad. Have you got any ideas how these can be made to feel better? Thank youput them in a grassy field let them eat some grass they'll be right as rain in no time

Oh darling your help is very welcome, but you see love, that one's already been covered. you changed your pic

A change is a good as a rest darling

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By *red333Man
over a year ago

Dorchester

"Evening aunty Jennie. I have just come back from coaching my under 13s football team and my calfs are killing me bad. Have you got any ideas how these can be made to feel better? Thank youput them in a grassy field let them eat some grass they'll be right as rain in no time

Oh darling your help is very welcome, but you see love, that one's already been covered. you changed your pic

A change is a good as a rest darling"
can i sit down then

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Dear Jennie,

How will I ever learn that men are so much smarter than me that they know what I want more than I do?

On another note, why is it that what I apparently want is the same as what they want?

Oh darling, you need only look at the SQUIRT thread to havexall the evidence you need. I'll send you my leaflet on Tweasing ther are lots of helpful tips in there. Hmmm?

I'll need to work out which part of my anatomy I should twease.

Best to consult a man."

Its all in the thread darling. The instructions should be clear, it was written by a man darling

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Evening aunty Jennie. I have just come back from coaching my under 13s football team and my calfs are killing me bad. Have you got any ideas how these can be made to feel better? Thank youput them in a grassy field let them eat some grass they'll be right as rain in no time

Oh darling your help is very welcome, but you see love, that one's already been covered. you changed your pic

A change is a good as a rest darlingcan i sit down then

Please do sweetheart

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By *red333Man
over a year ago

Dorchester

"Dear Jennie,

How will I ever learn that men are so much smarter than me that they know what I want more than I do?

On another note, why is it that what I apparently want is the same as what they want?

Oh darling, you need only look at the SQUIRT thread to havexall the evidence you need. I'll send you my leaflet on Tweasing ther are lots of helpful tips in there. Hmmm?

I'll need to work out which part of my anatomy I should twease.

Best to consult a man.

Its all in the thread darling. The instructions should be clear, it was written by a man darling"
whats a CD on a nudist beach again i forget

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Dear Jennie,

How will I ever learn that men are so much smarter than me that they know what I want more than I do?

On another note, why is it that what I apparently want is the same as what they want?

Oh darling, you need only look at the SQUIRT thread to havexall the evidence you need. I'll send you my leaflet on Tweasing ther are lots of helpful tips in there. Hmmm?

I'll need to work out which part of my anatomy I should twease.

Best to consult a man.

Its all in the thread darling. The instructions should be clear, it was written by a man darlingwhats a CD on a nudist beach again i forget

Sandy darling

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By *red333Man
over a year ago

Dorchester

"Dear Jennie,

How will I ever learn that men are so much smarter than me that they know what I want more than I do?

On another note, why is it that what I apparently want is the same as what they want?

Oh darling, you need only look at the SQUIRT thread to havexall the evidence you need. I'll send you my leaflet on Tweasing ther are lots of helpful tips in there. Hmmm?

I'll need to work out which part of my anatomy I should twease.

Best to consult a man.

Its all in the thread darling. The instructions should be clear, it was written by a man darlingwhats a CD on a nudist beach again i forget

Sandy darling"
it gets everywhere doesn't it

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By *anther81Man
over a year ago

Drogheda

Dear Auntie Jen a fairly base question but I can’t seem to stop wanking to a point where it seems to be a compulsion is there anything i can do to stop?

I can spend hours gooning and not sure if it is healthy.

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

Auntie Jen...

I have an ache. Can you help me rid myself of it please?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Auntie Jen...

I have an ache. Can you help me rid myself of it please?

Divorce

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dear auntie Jen .

I'm sad . Tomorrow is cake and cunnilingus day and I don't have either.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Dear Auntie Jen a fairly base question but I can’t seem to stop wanking to a point where it seems to be a compulsion is there anything i can do to stop?

I can spend hours gooning and not sure if it is healthy.

A healthy prostate needs regular flushing darling so it's actually quite healthy.

It best to refrain in places like restaurants though love, it can affect their hygiene rating!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We're going away tomorrow, straight after work. I was going to pack tonight but I just want to climb into bed. Do I go to bed and get up early, or do I pack tonight and have a lay in tomorrow?

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"Auntie Jen...

I have an ache. Can you help me rid myself of it please?

Divorce

... did that 11 years ago!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Auntie Jen...

I have an ache. Can you help me rid myself of it please?

Massage, darling. A deep tissue massage will cure all manner of aches. Make sure you finger the area well though lovvie.

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"Auntie Jen...

I have an ache. Can you help me rid myself of it please?

Massage, darling. A deep tissue massage will cure all manner of aches. Make sure you finger the area well though lovvie."

I'll do my best. Thank you Auntie Jen

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Auntie Jen...

I have an ache. Can you help me rid myself of it please?

Divorce

Well my love.

I have just finished baking a lemon drizzle. At the risk of breaking the Agony Aunt Code of practice ....

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"We're going away tomorrow, straight after work. I was going to pack tonight but I just want to climb into bed. Do I go to bed and get up early, or do I pack tonight and have a lay in tomorrow?

Why pack anything darling. We both know you will be naked from the moment you arrive to the moment you leave to come home. Hmmm?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We're going away tomorrow, straight after work. I was going to pack tonight but I just want to climb into bed. Do I go to bed and get up early, or do I pack tonight and have a lay in tomorrow?

Why pack anything darling. We both know you will be naked from the moment you arrive to the moment you leave to come home. Hmmm?"

I don't think my sister would appreciate that

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By *ackformore100Man
over a year ago

Tin town

Some cunt keeps staring back at me from the mirror. What can i do?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Some cunt keeps staring back at me from the mirror. What can i do? "

Ah thats an issue that many of us have lovie. I find closing my eyes whenever I am in front of a mirror often helps.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"We're going away tomorrow, straight after work. I was going to pack tonight but I just want to climb into bed. Do I go to bed and get up early, or do I pack tonight and have a lay in tomorrow?

Why pack anything darling. We both know you will be naked from the moment you arrive to the moment you leave to come home. Hmmm?

I don't think my sister would appreciate that

That is odd.

She was fine with it last time I visited

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By *asterR and slut mayaMan
over a year ago

Bradford

Hello auntie jen

I don't know if you recall or not but

I created another thread .

Called I've been found out .

Where I had to admitt that i was inline for a inhirtance worth billions

In diamonds because I was DNA.

Match for that of a African chief

who had a diamond mine

But I have to pay 5000 pounds in order to grease the wheels to get the money I had a number of offers of. Help but have come up short by just few thousands to be precise 4998 pounds so my question to you is do you know of anyway I could raise the cash do you think its worth trying a new appeal here or not .

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Hello auntie jen

I don't know if you recall or not but

I created another thread .

Called I've been found out .

Where I had to admitt that i was inline for a inhirtance worth billions

In diamonds because I was DNA.

Match for that of a African chief

who had a diamond mine

My live I do remember.

I shall send you my leaflet "How to scam money off people on the intenet". It's just a small charge of £25 postage.

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By *asterR and slut mayaMan
over a year ago

Bradford

"Hello auntie jen

I don't know if you recall or not but

I created another thread .

Called I've been found out .

Where I had to admitt that i was inline for a inhirtance worth billions

In diamonds because I was DNA.

Match for that of a African chief

who had a diamond mine

But I have to pay 5000 pounds in order to grease the wheels to get

the money I had a number of offers

of. Help but have come up short by

just few thousands to be precise

4998 pounds so my question to you is do you know of anyway I could raise the cash do you think its worth trying a new appeal here or not .

My live I do remember.

I shall send you my leaflet "How to scam money off people on the intenet". It's just a small charge of £25 postage."

No its perfectly ligit I wouldn't do

Anything untoward the African gentleman assured me I was a DNA match .

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