FabSwingers.com forum: Just can't let go of her...

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I know it's all cliche, not feeling like you can let go of someone you're still in love with, I've been through breakups before but this feels different. I feel like I've lost my wife from a decades long marriage, nothing feels right anymore. I question why I'm even on this site because in all honesty the thought of being with another person just makes me sad, not to mention I have absolutely no sex drive.

"Take each day as it comes" would be the conventional wisdom one may say, but to me that's just one more day without her, and one less day before it's my time knowing I may never see her again. I don't get to wake up next to her, I can't feel her laying next to me, there's nobody there when I reach across the bed in my half asleep daze... Each day I don't get to hear her make silly jokes about me... "Fuzzy bum" and then see her playful smile, that joy in her eyes... The little things she did, reminding me to eat because she was aware of my eating disorder. I even miss the times where she would constantly make me get up and do something for her, right when I've just sat down, I miss feeling that frustration, because despite getting frustrated I knew I would do it without complaining (well maybe I did once or twice but I didn't make a big fuss over it) but I still did it because I knew she was grateful and she knew I would because I love her.

I was ready to marry this woman, to spend the rest of my life with her through the high and lows, to keep her safe from the world that had treated her like it's punching bag, to care for and support her when she struggles with her health. I wanted to give her so many happy memories, whether we were at home or taking a day out. The thought of never being able to contribute to her life ever again breaks my heart even more than it already is.

I know some of you may be thinking, "what happened to this relationship for it to end?" That I cannot go into, it's far too traumatizing, deeply tragic, the things that caused it to end will haunt me for the rest of my life and likely prevent me from genuinely seeking another relationship.

I miss her deeply, she is my person, and not a day will go by that I won't be thinking about her, wishing I could see her again, to hear her voice, to feel her in my arms... My life will never be the same again

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By *nkyCplCouple
over a year ago

Northampton

Ah mate this is heartbreaking. Anyone that’s been through heart break will sympathise with how brutal you’re feeling.

Just let yourself go through the emotions at your own pace, try get some exercise in (honestly this will work wonders), let your mates know so they can support you. You got this brother!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Ah mate this is heartbreaking. Anyone that’s been through heart break will sympathise with how brutal you’re feeling.

Just let yourself go through the emotions at your own pace, try get some exercise in (honestly this will work wonders), let your mates know so they can support you. You got this brother! "

That's the thing, I've been trying to keep on top of my eating disorder and actually force myself to eat, I've been trying to exercise, I've been socializing as best I can.. and yet, it all feels pointless. I know I'm doing these things for me.. but I can no longer do anything for her, it makes life feel empty

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So sorry to read this. I know it's cliche but time will help to heal your broken heart a little. A day at a time, an hour at a time on bad days. Just keep going.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You are grieving, and grief has to go through its process. Its shit, no two ways about it, but you will survive and maybe one day thrive.

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By *ucka39Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

It will get easier you need to learn to dump them first then it's easier to let go of the feelings

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By *ellinever70Woman
over a year ago

Ayrshire

What made you come back to fab in the midst of feeling all this?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I know people say this all the time.... but ... my inbox is open. I am old, I am wise, I have lived through lots (and lots) of shit.

DM me if you think it might help x

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By *eversayNeverCoupleCouple
over a year ago

Liverpool

Heartbreak hurts like nothing else.

Just remind yourself you are grieving the loss of your relationship, get yourself through the first few weeks and it will become easier to manage with time.

Be kind to yourself.

Sending hugs.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What made you come back to fab in the midst of feeling all this?"

Does that really matter? He's just poured his heart out. Give him a break.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

I have no words of advice. People safeties a healer. You sound as though your doing all the right things to help you. Maybe one day it will get easier.

My partner died in October and I know I will never want another man near me but I do concentrate on the good times. I really hope you can move on

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How peaceful life would be without love. And how very pointless. Virtual hugs OP, you WILL get through this long dark night of the soul. But it’s gonna hurt like hell before you see the morning as a better man.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"What made you come back to fab in the midst of feeling all this?"

I honestly don't know... But the community in the forums at least provides some form of distraction. It's not even sex that brought me back, I don't expect to be having that for a good while

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"What made you come back to fab in the midst of feeling all this?

Does that really matter? He's just poured his heart out. Give him a break."

Hey it's okay, I can understand their curiosity

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I have no words of advice. People safeties a healer. You sound as though your doing all the right things to help you. Maybe one day it will get easier.

My partner died in October and I know I will never want another man near me but I do concentrate on the good times. I really hope you can move on"

I'm so sorry to hear that

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By *eroLondonMan
over a year ago

Covent Garden

"What made you come back to fab in the midst of feeling all this?"

•

Friendship, camaraderie, solidarity, the affinity of empathy and a means for catharsis.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't have any advice OP but sending you hugs

Pxx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"What made you come back to fab in the midst of feeling all this?

•

Friendship, camaraderie, solidarity, the affinity of empathy and a means for catharsis.

Yeah, you're probably not wrong there Nero

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By *uxom redCouple
over a year ago

Shrewsbury

"You are grieving, and grief has to go through its process. Its shit, no two ways about it, but you will survive and maybe one day thrive."

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By *ellinever70Woman
over a year ago

Ayrshire

"What made you come back to fab in the midst of feeling all this?

I honestly don't know... But the community in the forums at least provides some form of distraction. It's not even sex that brought me back, I don't expect to be having that for a good while"

Thanks for answering

Distraction, I can understand

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By *4bimMan
over a year ago

Farnborough Hampshire

Always remember what we are.

People. Different in design but made with the same feelings and emotions. We share them even though we fear showing a side that is weak or weaker than the image we want others to see.

This thing we all spin on is a globe of billions of mixed up emotions, fear, love and hate.

I myself look up sometimes and ask what have I done to deserve this, but we carry on.

That's what makes us so special and unique. The ability carry on when hurt.

When live leaves us,drains us, destroys us. We pick up the pieces and go again.

You see. People are genuinely frightened to love and sometimes be loved.

The past is that, leave it there.nothing can bring it back or change it.

The future is unknown so walk into it keeping the love you have because one day someone else will need it.

And then you will find peace in everything.

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By *mTheMrJMan
over a year ago

Barry

One thing you need to not do is hold everything you feel in, let it out, cry if you need to, find a safe space to scream and shout, whatever you feel, let it out as much as you can.

Move forward with your life at your own pace and do what you can to look after your own well being.

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By *ulieAndBeefCouple
over a year ago

Manchester-ish

Please try to eat OP. It's something you say you already struggle with, and it's going to feel even harder when it feels like there are rocks in your stomach. Find foods you can manage and eat little and often. Sending hugs.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Don't do what I do op and find your sonance in alcohol

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By *esparate danMan
over a year ago

glasgow

It may be a narcisisstic tendency to romantise the failure and blame yourself OP but i hope you can use this experience to help you grow

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By *ucka39Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

"What made you come back to fab in the midst of feeling all this?

I honestly don't know... But the community in the forums at least provides some form of distraction. It's not even sex that brought me back, I don't expect to be having that for a good while"

Distraction is what you need and plenty of it. I found it difficult with an ex even after finding out she cheated which I found unreal so from experience do your best to distract yourself much as possible so things you enjoy doing it can take weeks months even years but it does get easier.....

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By *dventuresWithEveWoman
over a year ago

SW Birmingham outskirts

A breakup like that is comparable with the grief felt from a bereavement. They say there are three major stress factors in life, bereavement, breakup and moving house/locations...I admit I haven't read all the responses to your post, I'm sure most are supportive while others question things.

Whatever it is, I wanted to say well done for reaching out, for being brave enough to post this! It's good to reach out and those of us who have been lurking on the forum for a long time know of some who have tragically lost their fight with life and its challenges. So please don't stop rexching out.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My heart goes out to you

You know it's cliche but time really is a great healer, one small step, then lots of other small steps to follow, one day at a time. Give yourself time to grieve because grief is a mere transition to a new way of thinking

You know where I am xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Please try to eat OP. It's something you say you already struggle with, and it's going to feel even harder when it feels like there are rocks in your stomach. Find foods you can manage and eat little and often. Sending hugs.

Jx"

Thank you, I have been trying yeah, it's always difficult for me to have the motivation to eat, and when I do I get full very easily even if I have been eating regularly

I try to get at least 1000 calories day, it's not enough obviously but it means I'm not starving

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry you're going through this OP.

I could have written this kind of post myself a couple of years ago. I honestly felt like my heart was literally breaking, but what everyone else has said is true, time will heal you.

I look back on the time with my ex now with great fondness rather than sadness of not being together anymore. I learnt to appreciate the things he taught me about myself, my life, and what real love really looks like.

I know it sounds a bit hippyish (I'm happy being a hippy) but I do think people come and go in our lives for a reason and whether it be for a long time or just a brief encounter it's up to us to take whatever lesson they have left for us and grow from it.

I found losing myself in a musical hobby really helped get through the worst few months at the start.

I hope you start to feel more at peace with the situation soon.

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By *hrek101Man
over a year ago

Herts

I feel you brother, I had one of those and it does get better. Love is amazing when you have it but gut wrenching when you lose it. It really is one day at a time, you will heal, you will get better, you will love again...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

HI mate just wanted to reach out as someone who has been through an eating disorder (anorexia) I know how incredibly difficult it is for a guy to reach out and talk about.

You are going through a wave of emotions right now, it's not easy to eat I know, but try as not eating will drain you physically and emotionally, you already have a lot of support here but my inbox is open if you ever need to talk especially with someone that's Been there stay strong fella

Thank you, I have been trying yeah, it's always difficult for me to have the motivation to eat, and when I do I get full very easily even if I have been eating regularly

I try to get at least 1000 calories day, it's not enough obviously but it means I'm not starving"

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By *londebiguyMan
over a year ago

Southport

"I know it's all cliche, not feeling like you can let go of someone you're still in love with, I've been through breakups before but this feels different. I feel like I've lost my wife from a decades long marriage, nothing feels right anymore. I question why I'm even on this site because in all honesty the thought of being with another person just makes me sad, not to mention I have absolutely no sex drive.

Maybe you should write something like this to her...

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Maybe you should write something like this to her..."

Oof... Fuck. If only you knew...

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By *merican WomanWoman
over a year ago

live by the Pool xx

Wish someone felt that way about me

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By *B69Woman
over a year ago

Wiltshire

As others have said, time is a great healer and you’ve made a good start by talking about it, hope you have other friends away from Fab that can be there too.

Look after yourself

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Sorry you're going through this OP.

I could have written this kind of post myself a couple of years ago. I honestly felt like my heart was literally breaking, but what everyone else has said is true, time will heal you.

I found losing myself in a musical hobby really helped get through the worst few months at the start.

I hope you start to feel more at peace with the situation soon.

Thank you for saying this, it was touching, I did feel at one point, maybe she was just meant to come into my life and help me become a better person, I made some seriously stupid mistakes in that relationship that I regret so much, they hurt her and I feel ashamed for that.

What hurts the most about that is the fact that she doesn't deserve to be someone who was meant to be in my life for a short time just so I can be a better person, she's a person in her own ways, she deserves to be loved, she doesn't deserve to be a mere lesson learned in my life, I hate the idea of that.

She helped me so much to understand what kind of a person I am, how my behaviors affected those around me, how my mistakes affected my life and brought me to this point in time. I wanted to give her so much for doing that. She was the only person I ever met who truly understood me

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"A breakup like that is comparable with the grief felt from a bereavement. They say there are three major stress factors in life, bereavement, breakup and moving house/locations...I admit I haven't read all the responses to your post, I'm sure most are supportive while others question things.

Thank you, I do sometimes feel like I'm just being a mopey sod when I post something like this, but then again it's safe to say that I where my heart on my sleeve. I don't really have trouble expressing my feelings, which is good in a way.

Pretty much everyone has been supportive and I really appreciate the compassion shown to me while I'm going through this difficult time in my life.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"HI mate just wanted to reach out as someone who has been through an eating disorder (anorexia) I know how incredibly difficult it is for a guy to reach out and talk about.

Yeah it's been a real struggle for me coping with an eating disorder, worse still when I know that it affects my chances of someone finding me attractive, that comes from some time in my life where people would make comments about my weight, "chicken legs" "stick figure" etc.

I'm trying to stay on top of eating so I can put on weight and then exercise. A lot of my self esteem is related to my body weight. I'm trying but it's not easy

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By *esparate danMan
over a year ago

glasgow

If its any consolation, wallowing in the misery of whatever mistakes you made re-enforce that it wouldnt have been fair on her to maintain a relationship anyway. You loved her. You have set her free. try not to feel too selfish

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