FabSwingers.com forum: Depression

By *ungle VIP 1 OP Man
over a year ago

colchester

Ive struggled with depression most of my life and managed it quit well and hidden it with anger from others. Today im having a bad day and struggling to see the point, any others put there that have any tips on coping with it or to cheers self up.

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By *nkyCplCouple
over a year ago

Northampton

Mate it’s an awful spot to be in, but honestly you’re better off seeking professional help than looking for it here.

Open up to friends/family/anyone. I can’t tell you how much better you’ll feel just from telling those close to you and getting a support network.

You got this dude!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hang on in there buddy. Us men need to learn to open up me included. Sending a big hug .

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By *izzy.Woman
over a year ago

Stoke area

"Ive struggled with depression most of my life and managed it quit well and hidden it with anger from others. Today im having a bad day and struggling to see the point, any others put there that have any tips on coping with it or to cheers self up."

Sorry to hear you're struggling. Have you spoken to your GP about it. There's lots of help including talking therapies, medication and other things that can help.

I'd suggest getting out into nature; a walk through a wood where there's a stream or take a drive to the coast.

Sometimes it's good to be alone, other times meet a friend or chat on the phone.

Make a list of things that you want to do this year or this month , include things that you enjoy ...maybe go to a gig, walk a mountain, donate to a charity shop. I find helping others makes me feel good.

Good on you for acknowledging things aren't good and reaching out. That's an important first step you've taken. Take care x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hi gent ex military cptsd anxiety struggle most days ,black dog is my constant companion, if ever you need to chat OP, man down ,happy to chat don't struggle alone my friend and anyone else who is x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Are you alone at home? Please try to speak to someone. There is some really good support networks out there and if you don't feel you can converse then there is a text service called Shout 85258

Just remind yourself that the bad feeling won't last, it's temporary but don't be alone in your thoughts...that's when overthrowing starts

Think about what you enjoy doing, little positives? What's the view from your window? What is the weather doing? Step outside, breathe be kind to yourself and please talk to someone

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By *eard and BoobsCouple
over a year ago

Portstewart

By the sounds of things you should seek professional help having been in a similar place reaching out and talking to someone who can help you understand why your brain is having the thoughts and can also give you the tools to overcome them. It takes work but it does help

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By *wingin CatMan
over a year ago

London

As a sufferer myself, I can say that as a first move, you've done the right thing by opening up to us here - that takes a hell of a lot, believe me.

I agree with the above post - the next thing to do now is to seek professional help from your GP, who should be able to prescribe you with antidepressants. Depending on their waiting list, the NHS also offer a counselling service, which you may benefit from. There may be a wait of a couple of months due to demand, though, so be warned.

In the meantime (and I know anything's easier said than done), do try to think about all the good things you have in your life; your hobbies, friends, family, and whatever you take pride in. I'm sure that will help bring the good vibes back.

I wish you all the very best of luck, and hang in there. Help is there if you need it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hi gent ex military cptsd anxiety struggle most days ,black dog is my constant companion, if ever you need to chat OP, man down ,happy to chat don't struggle alone my friend and anyone else who is x

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By *illynillyCouple
over a year ago

Wiltshire

Absolutely speak to a professional...if anti depressants are offered also ask for talking therapy... definitely book an appointment with your gp

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By *ools and the brainCouple
over a year ago

couple, us we him her.

Good advice given already.

Don't be alone go out for a walk or even just look at nature bird's singing and playing can help.

Unfortunately when we get into these dark hole's it's difficult to see the light, that feeling of worthlessness is overwhelming but you are worth it and a valuable member of the human race we all contribute in some small way.

I would suggest seeking a professional to talk to and try to find something positive to focus on no matter how small and insignificant.

You are not alone

hug's

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd say you're definitely not alone, people hide it well. No one ever really knows what someone else is going through.

But get outside, go for a walk, get a coffee. Even if it's alone, it's better than staying at home.

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By *ubmissiveman2uMan
over a year ago

Cheshire

Sorry to hear your in a tough place. Have you ever considered pet ownership my dogs are very needy ,keep me busy get me out and about, talking to people I normally would not. I go to the pub with them ,big long walks everywhere,some think my devotion to them is mad , little do they know,they give me therapy and more love and loyalty than anything else. I wish you well pal and look after yourself, find that light and walk to it.

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By *rtyIanMan
over a year ago

Gateway to the Beacons

I write about mental health and my battles on my blog, I trained with a charity that works with people with PTSD and other mental health issues, I've done diplomas etc in various talking therapies, my ear is always open.

There are a lot of self help posts on my blog

If anyone wants a read just shout

It's ok to not be ok and it's good to talk

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The suggestion above about going to your gp is an excellent one, but if you’re anything like me, you feel bad *now*, and waiting for appointments etc seems like too long. Hang in there, breathe deeply.

Another forumite once suggested journalling, which might be something helpful for you.

There are also counselling support groups in some areas, look on Google.

There’s also a thing called ieso, type it into Google with nhs, it’s free typed CBT and available in most areas.

I really hope you feel better soon x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OP there is a app called,

CALM give it a try

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By *ost SockMan
over a year ago

West Wales and Cardiff

While professional help is obviously the right way, I actually think Fab is a good place to post about mental health.

I’ve seen some truly excellent threads on the subject over my many years here. I’ve certainly benefitted myself from the support others.

Folks here a very nice, and, in some ways, I think their “openess” in other matters makes them well-equipped to help with mental health.

OP, I’ve had times when I thought it was impossible to recover from the state I was in. I was suicidal at times. It can be done though; I guess you have to place trust in the potential for time to heal and the universe to move in mysterious ways

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By *dam1971Man
over a year ago

Bedford

It’s a brave thing to say, it means you’re strong enough to do the rest.

There are lots of ways to help living with depression, some of them won’t have any effect, some might work a bit and a few will help a lot. The number of people who said exercise would work is staggering, but for me it did nothing at all. There’s something out there that will help you, you’ve just got to find it.

If you’re in immediate trouble, just focus on getting through the next one minute. You can do it, I promise. Then get through the next one minute. Stick at it, but it can help if things get really bad.

As said, you need some professional help from someone who can listen to find the cause and help you to deal with it. Call NHS111 now and get an appointment, please.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry to hear your struggling OP. If you feel like you need to be seen now go to your GP or call 111 and request to be seen by the crisis team. If you feel like you can manage without seeing someone, go to Minds website, they have some great coping methods.

In terms of daily help, you can do two things; do something creative and do some form of exercise. Doing one of these two things can benefit your mental health in a big way. Also, keep a journal, but keep two. One can be a place to put down your feelings/frustrations so they aren't taking over your thoughts. The second keep it positive, write down something good that happened that day and something you are grateful for. Its a way of acknowledging the good things that we all miss sometimes.

Most importantly, keep talking to people, never suffer alone. Reach out to anyone; family, friends, helplines, NHS services and even forums like this

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By *izzy.miss.lizzyCouple
over a year ago

Pembrokeshire

there is a forum on the charity site for Mind that I found helpful if on line chatting is your thing

we have a project locally for art and crafts which helps people who are struggling, might help if you can find similar in your area if being creative is your thing

hope you have better feels soon

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By *ungle VIP 1 OP Man
over a year ago

colchester

Thankyou all, nearly cried there reading messages of support. Means alot to know there are kind hearted people out there and im not the only one who feels this way even if it feels like i am. Ive had lots of help over the years which works for a while and then i wake up one day back where i started, just think ill be this way for rest of my life which is sad as its not the person i am. Thanks again

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By *elix SightedMan
over a year ago

Cloud 8

Hey, OP. Reading these posts is why I love this forum so much. Yes, I know we can get tetchy and we’re always taking the piss out of each other. But - if someone reaches out everyone mucks in. You have got many friends here.

I’m sat at home all day today with nowt to do and will gladly chat. If it would help, please reach out to me (on here and I’ll drop my filters).

Don’t know what it’s like in Colchester today, but it’s gorgeous in didcot. What about playing a playlist of songs you like and getting some fresh air?

Also, please periodically check in with us on your thread so we know you’re ok.

One minute at a time today. That’s all you need to achieve.

Man hugs.

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By *hatMinxOverThereWoman
over a year ago

42 Wallaby Way

Try to talk to someone. About anything. Doesn’t have to be about the depression, but it would help too if you talked about it. I have borderline personality disorder and depression and spent way too long hiding my feelings away. I feel a lot better for talking whenever I’m feeling something. No matter what it is. Or just engaging in general. Being around people feels like the worst thing ever when ‘in the pit’ but it can really help.

medication has also helped me immensely.

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By *imi_RougeWoman
over a year ago

Portsmouth

Please just talk to someone... Anyone! There is help out there.

thecalmzone . net is a good website, they have online chat and a phone line.

Mind . Org

See if there's a local men's club near you like Andy's man club

I lost 2 friends in 2 weeks last year to suicide, the pain and grief is immeasurable.

Be kind to yourself x

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By *ucka39Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

As the saying goes what you're able to change do it what you can't learn to move forward it's pointless worrying about something that you can't do anything about life is precious every second don't waste it find something that you enjoy doing even try something different you never know what you may learn and think proud of yourself

Hope you feel in a better position

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By *affeine DuskMan
over a year ago

Caerphilly

Big damn step in my eyes to reach out in any way OP, love that you did this pal

I could riff off tips I've found that help me (walking with weight, writing, learning stuff, bunch of other stuff), but I found that out by looking at my weekly routine and figuring out what was kinda broke.

Maybe you could do the same. Either way, bro hugs man. Big ol' hugs.

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By *oofy321Man
over a year ago

moon base zero

I always say...see a doctor or text shout

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By *ansoffateMan
over a year ago

Sagittarius A

It's very true that seeking professional help is the best course of action. And there's a lot of good advice in the thread.

So I'll share that I reached out and it made a difference for me.

I had CSA as a young kid and it causes me problems with depression, because I felt too ashamed to reach out for help. I didn't know how to have compassion for myself I had to learn it, through counselling.

I learnt what the causes where and then the solutions evolved: how to cope in healthier ways.

You can do it man. I was an utter mess drugs, abusive partners. All because I didn't see that I mattered and that was the point.

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By *herryblossom_BJWoman
over a year ago

Oxfordshire/Hampshire

Try to do something that makes you really happy. I always feel better after a bike ride. Exercise is fabulous as being an anti depressant.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Depression is a bitch. It feels like a black cloud that moves over you and won't fuck off. But you know that even acknowledging how you feel is the first step to getting better. And doing that to a forum of strangers is brave. I hope you feel less alone now.

I've had therapy and drugs and they've helped periodically. But what helped me get out of a slump last year was affirmations. I use an app called I am. I read some positive affirmations out loud until I've had enough - because I don't believe some (most) of them. But the simple act of saying positive things helps. It counteracts all the negative shite our brains produce. I was sceptical when my counsellor recommended. But it helps. Honestly.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you're at home alone , go out and do something,a walk by the sea can clear the mind. Grab a coffee , maybe strike up a conversation with someone new. Or if you need to just be by yourself an activity that engages your mind will help. Anything , tinker in the shed with the lawnmower , look ahead at some upcoming time off and plan a trip holiday. I've been " getting out of the wrong side of the bed" for the last 2 weeks but I'm keeping myself occupied and I know it will pass.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

And back yourself, you know that you've dealt with this for a long time ,and that's testament to your strength of character. You've gotten through before and will again. Be proud of that

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By *dam1971Man
over a year ago

Bedford

"Depression is a bitch. It feels like a black cloud that moves over you and won't fuck off. But you know that even acknowledging how you feel is the first step to getting better. And doing that to a forum of strangers is brave. I hope you feel less alone now.

This is an interesting one and it helps a lot of people (although with all of these ideas, don’t feel bad if it does nothing for you)

You can think of it like being a caveman, a million years ago. If you see something that looks like a snake on the ground, you react immediately in a very specific way. It’s only after very many times of seeing that it’s a twig that your thought process changes.

After a long time of seeing long, thin things on the ground and they’re always sticks, you never jump at all because your brain has now been rewired to know it’s not dangerous.

It’s possible to rewire your brain for lots of things this way. A bit like tyre tracks on a muddy path, you can’t get rid of the original ones but by creating new ones and going over and over, they become easier.

Occasionally you’ll fall into the old tyre tracks but mostly the new ones are so deep that you can stick to them without having to think about it.

Journaling can help this, there’s an app called Grateful which can help too. Don’t ruminate on the bad stuff, it’s ok to think about it sometimes but give time for the good things too.

I’m rambling, but there are lots of things that might help you, so find it and change your life for the better.

Good luck mate.

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By *ou only live onceMan
over a year ago

London

Some great advice above, OP, which I won't be able to improve on, but hope you're feeling a bit better soon. Recognising you're having a bad day/week/month is important in itself, I think.

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

Hope you feel better soon OP, if I have a bad day I try keep myself busy, usually with a stress clean and some happy music on, if nothing else I end the day with a clean house to relax in and a day that went quicker than expected, it works for me (most of the time)

Mrs

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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago

Calderdale innit

Sorry to read this op

Be kind to yourself ,do things if you can that make u feel good or at least a bit better ,things you normally love.

Talk to someone if you feel up to it .Friends ,family member or even someone on here.

One step at a time ,one day at a time.

Sending you a big hug today x

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By *ungle VIP 1 OP Man
over a year ago

colchester

Thanks all, all very kind and appreciated. Being a welder im stuck in my thoughts all day looking through a tiny window with candle light!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Walking outside is the lift I need, a few hours alone and in nature helps a lot. Aldo painting or meditating.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's always good to talk to others when struggling. Just remember that depression works differently for everyone and things that will help one person may not work with someone else. Try different things and work out what works for you.

Good luck

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thanks all, all very kind and appreciated. Being a welder im stuck in my thoughts all day looking through a tiny window with candle light!!"

Maybe now it's light until later you can get a walk in after work?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is an interesting one and it helps a lot of people (although with all of these ideas, don’t feel bad if it does nothing for you)

After a long time of seeing long, thin things on the ground and they’re always sticks, you never jump at all because your brain has now been rewired to know it’s not dangerous.

Occasionally you’ll fall into the old tyre tracks but mostly the new ones are so deep that you can stick to them without having to think about it.

Journaling can help this, there’s an app called Grateful which can help too. Don’t ruminate on the bad stuff, it’s ok to think about it sometimes but give time for the good things too.

I’m rambling, but there are lots of things that might help you, so find it and change your life for the better.

Good luck mate."

I don't imagine affirmations work for everyone. I must admit I am the last person to like that kind of thing - but you're right about reprogramming. It's all too easy to think negatively, the brain recalls negative events more easily. I've had decades of saying bad stuff to myself, I'm trying to train myself into laying down some positive tracks. Hopefully the OP may find some ways of doing this too

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would definitely recommend speaking out and asking a doctor for help. You can self refer to mental health charities that can help with talking therapy in the meantime, but if you want to go down the medication route too I'd start the process now.

I dealt with depression (badly) for a few years. I asked for help last year and I feel much much better. I have bad days still, but I've learnt to talk about how I'm feeling before it gets too much so those close to me know to either give me a wide berth or offer help.

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